Tony welcomes Camila Smith, LCSW, to the Virtual Couch. Camila is a psychotherapist, educator, and the Chief Clinical Officer of Bekome (http://joinbekome.co). Camila specializes in gut health, with an advanced doctoral focus in mental health and clinical nutrition. Tony and Camila talk about the current state of the mental health system as practitioners which often view mental health as solely in the brain. They discuss a more integrated view of mental wellness, including Camila’s passion for t...
Feb 08, 2023•41 min•Season 1Ep. 361
Virtual Couch favorite, and Tony's daughter, McKinley "Mackie" Overbay joins the podcast to talk about some big changes happening in her life, and how she has been able to do difficult, scary things despite having "all of the emotions." You can follow Mackie on Instagram @beautybymackie and mention the Virtual Couch Podcast for $10 off any service with Mackie. And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Cri...
Feb 02, 2023•45 min•Season 1Ep. 360
Exercise, meditation, prayer, and eating good food all sound like wonderful, emotional-baseline-raising activities. But depending on how you're doing them, they could also be a way to eliminate unwanted thoughts and feelings. Tony looks at "creative helplessness" and "emotional control strategies" and how they play into our search for happiness. Tony references Russ Harris' book ACT Made Simple https://amzn.to/3l3NeDJ And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel to see a sneak preview of...
Feb 01, 2023•44 min•Season 1Ep. 359
Tony shares new information from a recent speaking event addressing the challenges of navigating a faith journey. He talks about how difficult it is to understand any experience in life until you have gone through something similar; how hard-wired we are only to see things through our lens; how "non-violent communication" impacts our ability to separate an observation we have of someone else's behavior from our judgment; our strong desire to avoid feelings of anxiety and discomfort; and how Jame...
Jan 25, 2023•50 min•Season 1Ep. 358
Tony shares and responds to the article “The 10 Best Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship” by Seth Gillihan, PhD https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202301/the-10-best-predictors-of-a-bad-romantic-relationship Tony also references the article “Attachment Woes Between Anxious and Avoidant Partners,” by Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202008/attachment-woes-between-anxious-and-avoidant-partners And follow Tony on the Virtua...
Jan 18, 2023•54 min•Season 1Ep. 357
"If you feel safe and loved, your brain becomes specialized in exploration, play, and cooperation; if you are frightened and unwanted, it specializes in managing feelings of fear and abandonment," says Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score (https://amzn.to/3QtMBPG). In today's episode, Tony explores what unresolved trauma can look like in adult relationships and what steps can be taken to overcome trauma and rewire the brain for connection. Tony completes the long-awaited part ...
Jan 11, 2023•48 min•Season 1Ep. 356
Tony shares 8 mental health lessons learned from a Christmas spent at Disneyland. 1) You’ll never really know something until you experience it. 2) Churros provide an immediate but temporary dopamine dump. 3) How to come back to the present moment, over and over again. 4) How easy it can be to find yourself turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms when triggered suddenly. 5) What it looks like to turn to a value-based activity or goal when feeling down, flat, off, or all of the above. 6) Radical a...
Jan 04, 2023•35 min•Season 1Ep. 355
Happy New Year! Whether or not you may be thinking about setting New Year’s resolutions or goals, or you absolutely detest the entire concept around goals and resolutions, this episode is for you. In this special bonus episode, Tony welcomes Neal Hooper, creator of The Achievement Tribe, a comprehensive goal achievement experience, to the Virtual Couch to talk about all things goal-related. Tony and Neal discuss why how people typically talk about and set goals eventually leads to feelings of fr...
Jan 01, 2023•56 min•Season 1Ep. 354
Tony interviews Michael Rucker, Ph.D. In 2016, Michael experienced a series of serious setbacks that caused him to challenge the tools he had built over the previous two decades as a student of positive psychology. Ultimately finding himself “unhappy, a bit lonely, and burnt out,” Michael critically evaluated modern approaches to happiness. He quickly realized how much misinformation was being spread, and that caused Michael to spend the next few years researching the evidence-based practices th...
Dec 29, 2022•43 min•Season 1Ep. 353
Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” Tony Overbay, LMFT, welcomes Nate Christensen, APCC, back to the Virtual Couch for his 6th appearance. Tony and Nate discuss David Robson’s book “The Expectation Effect: How Your Mindset Can Change Your Word,” https://amzn.to/3vbtTCl Robson calls our brains “prediction machines” and says, “It turns out our brains constantly anticipate what will happen next, and this script is incredibly powerful. This does not me...
Dec 20, 2022•50 min•Season 1Ep. 352
Tony tackles an essential skill needed for lasting change, "cognitive flexibility," from the book ACT Made Simple - Second Edition by Russ Harris https://amzn.to/3FsneJ0 If you are interested in being coached in Tony's upcoming "Magnetic Marriage Podcast," please email him for more information. You will receive free marriage coaching and remain anonymous when the episode airs. Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only...
Dec 14, 2022•55 min•Season 1Ep. 351
You can't run marathons after 50! You can't change your career after you've invested so much time and energy into it! Dads don't get all up in their feelings! Says who? Our pasts, our brains, our lack of understanding, that's who! Tony explores the psychology of limiting beliefs and how the stories we learn in our youth can heavily influence how we live life...until we realize we have an unlimited amount of possibility in front of us once we lose the limiting beliefs. Tony references the article...
Dec 07, 2022•42 min•Season 1Ep. 350
Dr. Michael Twohig joins Tony to talk about his early involvement in the then “new kid on the psychology block,” acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). Dr. Twohig shares his initial hesitation in embracing ACT and what eventually led him to pursue his Ph.D. in clinical psychology by working with Dr. Stephen Hayes, the founder of ACT. He discusses the differences in using ACT to treat OCD vs. the traditional CBT-based model, and they talk about using metaphor in ACT. Tony shares his experience ...
Nov 30, 2022•59 min•Season 1Ep. 349
The science is solid; gratitude makes you poop! We often hear that we need to be more grateful to truly be happy. Is gratitude simply born of pop-psychology psychobabble, or is it actually an evidence-based way to improve our lives? Tony flushes out the details on how being more intentional about gratitude can improve your mental and physical health and can lead to less time in the bathroom. Tony also shares the story of why he still holds one of the top running times from Sycamore Street to the...
Nov 23, 2022•34 min•Season 1Ep. 348
Thanks for a slight error in uploading the correct file on Tony's "Waking Up to Narcissism" podcast; he shares the correct episode as a "crossover" on The Virtual Couch. Tony adds "The Mailbox Metaphor," a powerful Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) metaphor about how we decide to look at the "clutter" of our virtual, physical, or mental inboxes. Can communication be a form of violence? According to communication expert Marshall Rosenberg, it can if you consider "violence" to include attemp...
Nov 16, 2022•54 min•Season 1Ep. 347
When met with an unexpected situation, do you react or respond? And what is the difference? According to Dr. Matt James, while some people use the words interchangeably, there is a world of difference in their meanings. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/focus-forgiveness/201609/react-vs-respond Tony shares a story of showing up late to a recent speaking opportunity where he learned whether or not he was more prone to reaction or response. Tony shares the results of taking the Implicit Asso...
Nov 09, 2022•40 min•Season 1Ep. 346
How do you know what you don’t know? Tony shares an example of what it feels like to speak to a group of people when you seek validation versus speaking because you care deeply about the topic you are presenting. Often we hear people talk about being authentic, but what does that look like in real life, and what additional benefits come when you live and operate from a place of authenticity? Tony also discusses what it means to stand in your “healthy ego” vs. “pathological defensive narcissism,”...
Nov 02, 2022•47 min•Season 1Ep. 345
Preston Pugmire is the host of the Next Level Life podcast, an award-winning life coach, and co-creator of The Magnetic Marriage couples communication course. Preston joins Tony to discuss the importance of discovering and living by your values. Preston shares his story of spending many years and tens of thousands of dollars taking in information from various courses, attending seminars, reading books, and meeting with experts to create his M.V.P. or "Mission, Values, Purpose" masterclass. In th...
Oct 26, 2022•1 hr 1 min•Season 1Ep. 344
Part 2 Tony discusses the challenges of modern-day parenting youth who have grown up with technology at their fingertips from birth. He reads a question from a disheartened mother of adult children who asks when the child needs to take ownership of their feelings, emotions, and actions and when will they stop blaming their parents? Tony discusses the family system and how mothers often fill the role of "scapegoat" for their children to avoid accountability. He talks about "masculine and feminine...
Oct 19, 2022•53 min•Season 1Ep. 343
Tony talks about the challenges of parenting modern-day youth who have grown up with technology at their fingertips from birth. He discusses the information he learned from a consulting opportunity at a large tech company looking to retain people under 25 years old. He then shares the outline of his favorite parenting model, The Nurtured Heart Approach. Finally, Tony previews how his "4 Pillars of a Connected Conversation" can apply to parenting. He answers a listener's parenting question using ...
Oct 12, 2022•43 min•Season 1Ep. 342
Tony explains what it means to be anxiously attached and how emotionally draining it is to be in a relationship with someone who has an anxious attachment style. Symptoms of an anxious attachment style in adults can be (from https://www.verywellmind.com/attachment-anxiety-4692761) Behaviors that smother or drive their partner away Constant need for contact and support from others Fear of being under appreciated Feeling unsure if a partner can be counted on Hypersensitivity to rejection and aband...
Oct 05, 2022•1 hr•Season 1Ep. 341
Tony shares his thoughts on how to think better about how you think. You think the thoughts you do because you're the only version of you ever to walk the planet...so you think thoughts and feel feelings because, well, you do! You also need to stop telling yourself to stop thinking...don't think about a green giraffe wearing yellow rain boots right now! And finally, he reveals why it can be detrimental to believe that when you think A, you just need to think B. Get access to Tony's presentation ...
Sep 28, 2022•27 min•Season 1Ep. 340
Monica Tanner, the host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast, joins Tony to talk about the secrets of achieving "happily ever after" in your marriage. They cover parenting, tension, physical and emotional intimacy, narcissism, and why being intentional with couples' date nights is a fun way to connect and model healthy relationships with your children. They also discuss Tony's presentation in Monica's "Secrets of Happily Ever After," summit which brings 32 marriage therapists and life/re...
Sep 22, 2022•53 min•Season 1Ep. 339
Tony Overbay, LMFT, was interviewed by Kurt Francom, executive director of LeadingSaints.org and the Leading Saints podcast host. They covered the topics of therapy, treating people struggling with turning to pornography as an unhealthy coping mechanism with love, not shame, working with people navigating faith journeys, and the difference between healthy ego and narcissism and what that looks like in church leadership positions. This episode is also available on the LeadingSaints podcast in 2 p...
Sep 13, 2022•2 hr 3 min•Season 1Ep. 338
Is it truly better to stay up until all hours of the morning while reaching the depths of sleep deprivation to "work things out" with your spouse, or should you just go to bed and talk in the morning? Is it always wise to save every penny? Tony looks at modern-day "proverbs" from both sides of the coin. Tony references the articles "100 Common Proverbs with Meaning and Examples" https://leverageedu.com/blog/common-proverbs/ Lack of sleep effects: why do we get more emotional when we’re tired? ht...
Sep 08, 2022•40 min•Season 1Ep. 337
Tony shares part 1 of a 2-part podcast on his "blueprint to happiness." Tony goes back to the beginning, YOUR beginning, as he starts from birth in describing why it can be so difficult to be happy and what is necessary to maximize your opportunities for happiness. Tony breaks down competing definitions of happiness from Russ Harris' book The Happiness Trap https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Living-Second/dp/1645471160/ and then he shares what our attachment and abandonment wounds ...
Aug 31, 2022•47 min•Season 1Ep. 336
YOU are truly one-of-a-kind, the only version of YOU that ever walked the face of the earth. And because of that, you truly feel, think and behave the way you do because, well, you're YOU! So how did you get to be you, and how does being you cause you to show up in the world? And why do so many people try and tell you what you feel, think or how you should behave? Tony tackles what it means to be you from the book "Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom" by Ric...
Aug 25, 2022•47 min•Season 1Ep. 335
Tony welcomes Nate Christensen, APCC and host of the podcast "Working Change," with his wife Marla https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/working-change/id1582227016 to the Virtual Couch. Nate shares his 4-step emotional process and explains where we have more of an opportunity to work with our emotions to drive positive change in our lives. They also talk about the role of "gut feeling" and intuition, how sometimes it is essential to lean more into "trusting your gut," and why we must question o...
Aug 17, 2022•51 min•Season 1Ep. 334
Alana Gordon and her husband Luke share their story of the highs and lows of navigating a marriage after discovering Luke’s pornography and sex addiction. They talk about what their marriage looked like leading up to the discovery of Luke’s addiction if Alana saw signs before discovery, and what the relationship looked like days, weeks, months, and years after “D-Day.” Alana is the Program Director of WORTH (Women of Rebirth and Therapeutic Healing https://healingwithworth.org/) and the Director...
Aug 10, 2022•1 hr 20 min•Season 1Ep. 333
Tony talks about his "aha" moment when attending a wedding over the past weekend of why marriages begin with a lot of pressure and unrealized expectations that originate from each person's family history. Then he shares Russ Harris's 4 Myths of Marriage from the book "ACT With Love" https://www.amazon.com/ACT-Love-Struggling-Differences-Relationship/dp/1572246227/ref=sr_1_1?crid=230A2KCMWA6LX&keywords=act+with+love+by+russ+harris&qid=1659530505&sprefix=act+with+love%2Caps%2C125&s...
Aug 03, 2022•40 min•Season 1Ep. 332
