TUP EP 111
Aransas Savas: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Uplifters Podcast. I'm your host, AZA savi through this podcast one-on-one, in group coaching, masterclasses, retreats, and so [00:00:15] much more. I hope women raise their courage capital. Let's courage capital. Well, it's the deep confidence in our value and strengths, and it turns out we need it just as much as we need financial capital.[00:00:30]
But sometimes building that courage capital means letting go of everything we thought we were supposed to want. Sometimes it means discovering that the very achievements we believed would bring us happiness. Have actually been keeping us [00:00:45] from Joy. My guest today, Sarah Gomley, spent decades believing her worth came from doing, rather than being a successful marketing executive in San Francisco, she was checking all the boxes, impressive titles, beautiful apartments, [00:01:00] climbing, salary figures, but she was miserable when she got laid off, just as her mother was dying back in Ohio, Sarah made the decision that she would change everything.
She took a full year off and went home to care for her mom on [00:01:15] the family farm. What happened next wasn't Hallmark movie romance. Instead, it was something much more radical. She began to untangle decades of perfectionism and self-loathing [00:01:30] through therapy. Through the hard work of caring for her mother and ultimately losing her, she discovered what she'd been chasing her whole life without even knowing it.
Today at 52, Sarah lives in Columbus, Ohio, [00:01:45] a place she never thought she'd call home. She runs an art gallery. She's deeply in love with a kind man named Camillis, and she's written a beautiful memoir called The Order of Things About How Everything she [00:02:00] Thought Divine Success. Actually keeping her from the life she truly wanted.
This conversation is about what it really takes to change your life when you realize that all the external markers of success haven't [00:02:15] brought you happiness. Sarah, hi. Hello. Thanks for joining me today.
Sarah Gromley: Hi. Thank you for having
Aransas Savas: me. My
Sarah Gromley: pleasure.
Aransas Savas: I really, really, really, really loved your book.
Sarah Gromley: [00:02:30] Oh. I still get so excited anytime somebody reads it.
So thank you. And that was a lot of really, so I don't think you're making it up. I think you must have liked it, so thank you.
Aransas Savas: No, I, I really loved it. I [00:02:45] was listening on Audible and I usually listen, I'm like 1.2, 1.5 because I.
To like slowly make [00:03:00] my way through every word of it. One of the things we talk a lot about on this show is the fact that, you know, we all think we need financial capital, but I believe that what we really need in order to make whatever impact we want is courage capital. And [00:03:15] your book is a tremendous example of what it looks like to have courage capital.
And my kids sit here and talk about a hundred different ways that I thought you demonstrated courage. But I think the [00:03:30] clearest is just writing a freaking memoir and you talk in the book about being a perfectionist and. Caring really deeply about doing a good job and being a good girl. I so [00:03:45] relate to that and I think so many of the women on this show, and so many of our audience have felt kind of trapped by that need to be good and right.
And I think when you're that kind of person, being somebody who says, let me show what it took [00:04:00] to become who I'm is, scary. Really freaking hard. So I like have a million things I wanna talk to you about, but if I got to pick just one, it would be what the process was [00:04:15] for you mentally of saying, I'm gonna share this openly and honestly,
Sarah Gromley: I'm hesitating because I'm like stuck on the courage thing.
But we can come back to that. I don't think of myself as courageous at all. So. There's probably some [00:04:30] reason why that I need to talk to my therapist about, so I've always, always loved writing and I've always known like I'm pretty, I'm a pretty good writer. I know to get words, you're good at it. Yeah. Poet first.
Poetry comes really easily to me and has [00:04:45] since I was a kid. I suppose somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought maybe I could write a book one day, but I never thought I had subject matter. That was interesting enough. I never thought I would probably write fiction. And [00:05:00] so what happened is after my life changed in these pretty significant ways, back in Columbus had been in therapy for six years already, seven, maybe had the art gallery [00:05:15] and.
I started doing writing workshops with this phenomenal writer, Ruthie Ackerman. Then started writing first person essays in a workshop setting. So a thousand, 1200 words a week, you get feedback. And thousand 20 we started before [00:05:30] the pandemic hit, and then by August of that year, I was kind of like, this feels like I'm riding towards something, you know?
And I sort of said to myself, I said it aloud to my boyfriend first. I said, [00:05:45] I'm, I'm gonna write a book. And he said, well, if you want to, you probably will. So I didn't know how long it would take, but the reason I was writing things down is at that point I was still trying to figure out how this [00:06:00] happened.
How does someone go from being a fairly miserable marketing executive, living in beautiful apartments with big teams and jobs and salaries and really lonely? How does that [00:06:15] person end up madly in love with a kind man living in Columbus, Ohio, a place she never thought she would live? And running an art gallery, like what happened?
And I was trying to answer it for myself because [00:06:30] I couldn't believe it. There's a scene in the book where I say like, this man saw me crying at the gas station. And he was like, ma'am, ma'am, are you okay? And I'm like, crying. I was, yes. I'm just so
Aransas Savas: happy.[00:06:45]
And I'm a complete and total string here to you. I'd include all the bad stuff. I mean, I could
Sarah Gromley: write a whole book about all the things nobody [00:07:00] likes.
Aransas Savas: I think many women find it difficult to tell the truth about themselves because we are afraid of being judged. But to write an interesting book, you actually have to include the moments in which you are a human being, [00:07:15] right?
Seen.
Sarah Gromley: Yes, but here's the news, flash. Nobody cares. I mean, we're all so hard on ourselves. I've received [00:07:30] so many compliments and supportive messages. Ooh, no one ever says, Ooh, I think you shouldn't have said that part. Or You went too far. I mean, like there's, and we know as readers from other [00:07:45] memoirs, we love, it's like.
Readers aren't judging you because they're too busy judging themselves. Part of memoir is saying, look, we're all trying, we're all fucked up. Life is [00:08:00] messy, so here's my story. You know? So I don't know. It is a really interesting process. Are you a writer?
Aransas Savas: I am, yeah. I share a lot about my experience here on the podcast and my, and [00:08:15] I find the.
The truer we can be, the more connection and empathy we receive. Right. And that was one of the things I, it was so funny to me because in the book, you write this beautiful book and you end [00:08:30] it, and I literally made a note to myself for this interview to say, why is this subtitle chasing joy? Because if I.
Subtitles for you. Having read the book. [00:08:45] I've called it Finding True Love because it was story about. Truth. Mm-hmm. And moving past all the pretty veneers into the real love of yourself, the [00:09:00] real love of another person. The real love of your mom is like a three dimensional, flawed person. And of course then the second ending tackles exactly that.
So I was like, okay, there we go. But for you, it seems like the [00:09:15] path to joy was the messy, honest truth.
Sarah Gromley: Yes, and I love that you mentioned that about the subtitle because the word joy appears three times in the book, in the epigraph, the Mary Oliver [00:09:30] poem, which I knew, I mean, I posted that poem on my Instagram feed in 2018.
The book wasn't an idea. Then I opened the gallery in 19 around the thesis of art [00:09:45] being a source of joy for everyone. So this idea of joy was in my life, but even as I was writing the book, and even as I was editing the book and didn't know how to end it, I still didn't necessarily think [00:10:00] I was worthy of joy, you know, or a joyful life.
And so as I was writing that last scene, I was like, oh my God, that's the feeling. And so that's when I, I put the subtitle in because it's like I was chasing [00:10:15] joy. I didn't have the words for it. I used the words in other contexts with the gallery, but I didn't know that that's what, like my body was hungry for joy.
So I was like, well, it's my book. There's the subtitle. [00:10:30]
Aransas Savas: How is Joy different than satisfaction?
Sarah Gromley: For me, usually happiness comes up. Happiness is. Right. I think happiness is [00:10:45] short term. I'm like a great piece of pizza can make me really fucking happy. Right? Joy, to me, is something that fills you up and you emanate out, right?
It's some sort of a, a celebration, an [00:11:00] appreciation. It might be a joyful moment, but it's also something you carry and create. I think it's, it's much closer to what I was trying to explain. Again, I think satisfaction lacks [00:11:15] the celebratory element of. I'm satisfied after a workout, but I'm not always joyful.
I'm satisfied. Right. With pieces of my life being where they are [00:11:30] right now, that's satisfying to me. But the good juicy parts, those are the joy bombs
Aransas Savas: to me. That's a great question. I've never thought about it. I picked that word kind of arbitrarily a little bit. Just thinking about what, because it's like joy is now [00:11:45] your KP.
Like is bringing me joy. And before I assume as maybe a pure achiever, your motivation for everything was to be good. What would you have called that feeling? [00:12:00] You were chasing
Sarah Gromley: success. Achievement and success and measurable outcomes. The jobs, the titles, salaries, these things that it's like, yes, that you are progressing.
Because I always assumed if [00:12:15] I did those things and did them well enough that somehow satisfaction, joy and happiness would come along with it. Yeah, that's interesting. I was so frustrated for so [00:12:30] long because I was like, I'm doing all the things right. Damnit, I'm smart, I'm skinny, I'm successful. I have done what you fucking people ask me to do, meaning society, maybe my parents, but whatever else [00:12:45] in ourselves we carry that being so good.
And it was like, where's the good stuff? Where is the joy?
Music: Mm-hmm.
Sarah Gromley: And that's one of the things that I try to be, not careful, but my experience with my experience, [00:13:00] there are plenty of people who have big corporate jobs who love their work and they know that work is part of their life and not their entire identity.
So, you know, it just, it all happened to me in such a way over time [00:13:15] that once the work of therapy started and I started to understand myself more. That's when I, um, started to understand like, I don't need the big corporate job. I'm still me without that. In fact, I might be a better [00:13:30] me without that. So we'll see.
I mean, I'm 52, I'll be 53, so I would go back for the right thing, and I think I would have a different experience in a corporate setting Now.
Aransas Savas: Yeah, I was [00:13:45] curious about that because I, it's been interesting to me over the years to talk to quite a few people who have left corporate careers like I did, and then moved into an entrepreneurial, creative profession.
And I think we all [00:14:00] say, I'm not saying no forever. I'm saying no for now.
Sarah Gromley: I mean, I love my art gallery. Is it paying me what it needs to pay me? No. So am I gonna have to take a look at that? Yes. Will I be [00:14:15] okay? Yes. I'm super transparent about it because the last thing I wanted to do was to create this sort of mythical, romantic notion of you can just quit your job and life, fall in love and live happily ever [00:14:30] after, because that's.
Can we talk more about the financial piece of it? Yes.
Aransas Savas: Which part? Really big paychecks every day. But do you miss them just because they were money or because they were a [00:14:45] sign of your worth? Oh, no, just the money.
Sarah Gromley: I just miss the money. I miss having a lot of money coming in on a regular basis,
Aransas Savas: just the money.
Sarah Gromley: I did that for long enough that I could afford to do this. Now again, I'm very [00:15:00] transparent about that, so it's like, thank you Adobe and IMAX and Martha and Girl Scouts for affording me the opportunity to do this. So I miss the money in a very practical sense. So it's not tied [00:15:15] to, no. I mean, when I think about the meetings and the slides and the inability for people to make decisions and the swirl, the endless swirl of who said what?
Did what the email, the deck, the, no thank you. [00:15:30] I'm good. But I'm so different now that if I did go back into some corporate setting, I think. I would have a much bigger sense of humor about all of that nonsense. [00:15:45]
Aransas Savas: I don't know. Yeah, it's an interesting point if that's really the change there, right? Like just giving fewer fucks about it.
Sarah Gromley: I mean, yeah, I watch people at Adobe and I don't wanna pick on Adobe, but I think it's representative, a lot of the big tech companies [00:16:00] and they hire the smartest, the brightest anyway. And so there's some, like it's self-selecting in terms of the talent pool that they have, but they're all making so much money that it's like, [00:16:15] I'm making so much money, I must be important and my role must be important.
And then they can't get out and then they have kids and the golden handcuffs. I mean it really, it's a thing and it's not just tech, but that was just happened to be my last job. [00:16:30] I do miss, I miss camaraderie. Yeah. I think I miss teams. I do miss, I miss talking to people in the office and mentoring people.
I still get, I got a message from two people on LinkedIn in the past week [00:16:45] who were called specific conversations we had, like when I was at Adobe and it was really sweet and so I, I do miss that part.
Aransas Savas: I imagine though you're doing more of that now even because you're just being more [00:17:00] transparent and broad in your mentorship.
Your book is a mentoring of sorts, of a way of being and growing,
Sarah Gromley: but it's not, they're not sort of sustained dialogue. I have a young woman who [00:17:15] works with me at the gallery who's phenomenal. And she mentors me probably more the other way around. So, but I don't have, you know, I don't have a group of 15 or 20 people that you're in conversation with.
I mean, I love [00:17:30] doing book clubs and events, but it's usually like really touching, meaningful conversation over the course of a couple of hours. And then I. I dunno, it's none of it's there. It's trade offs.
Aransas Savas: Mm-hmm. [00:17:45] Yeah. I think too, it's, and of many cases it's meeting the same needs in different ways.
Sarah Gromley: Yes.
Aransas Savas: So in the book, as I set out to read it, i, I, if you would ask me what the book I was gonna read was about, it was about a [00:18:00] woman who had been a, a marketing executive, went to her hometown to care for her mother as she was dying, and in the process, had a radical transformation and decided to stay home and open an art [00:18:15] gallery.
And it's sort of not about that, but I went into it. Expecting that book, and I started reading it 30 days after my mother figure died.
Sarah Gromley: Oh my goodness.
Aransas Savas: My grandmother who [00:18:30] raised me and adopted me when I was six years old, and it's just was my person. And so we just lost her a little over a month ago, and so I was.
Entering your story was sort of the lens of a number of [00:18:45] other mother loss stories I've heard on this podcast from incredible women, and so many of them actually follow a fairly similar, though unique trajectory of in losing my parent, I was transformed [00:19:00] and some of them, you know, Kate Tellers from the Moth decided to.
Work at the Moth full time and live a life of purpose. And Rebecca Soffer decided to build her life around [00:19:15] sharing moments of grief with others. And I was kind of looking for that at that moment. Like, can something good and beautiful come out of the saddest, hardest thing that's ever happened to. And so I don't even know what my question [00:19:30] is, except how do you describe the change that happened in you in the process of losing her?
Sarah Gromley: Well, a couple things. So what you described as me coming home to Ohio to be with my dying mother, right? That is the [00:19:45] storyline, that's the container of a timeframe. Yes. The story beneath the story is the emotional journey. But the therapy had started five years before I went to the farm, so I [00:20:00] was ready for change because I had learned to be kinder to myself.
I still struggle to say love myself, but you know what I'm getting at, right? And I had learned that my job was not my [00:20:15] identity, and I had learned that I have things to celebrate in myself. All of that said. Coming home and being with a parent or any loved one and experiencing death is, [00:20:30] it has to be one of the most profound moments of life, but I don't care who you are, it stirs things within you.
Yes, there's the sadness and the grief of the loss, but it pushes you to take stock of your own [00:20:45] life, you know? Period. I say that Mom's death was a catalyst, but it was only a catalyst because I was ready for it to be a catalyst. Mm-hmm. There is another version of this story, which would not [00:21:00] be a book because I wouldn't have had time to write the book if it had timed out differently, and it had been two years before or three years before, I would've probably been on a plane back to New York at another big job.
I knew I was taking a [00:21:15] full year off of work and wasn't going to do anything that earned a penny or required a PowerPoint. I vowed to myself, no matter what happened with mom, I need this full year to take a minute and figure out what I'm doing. [00:21:30] And so those elements all contributed to what looks like within a year after she passed.
I have this art gallery. I'm living in Columbus, Ohio. Very different life, [00:21:45] but it wasn't simply or. Singly because of her death. Does that make sense?
Aransas Savas: It was an accelerant.
Sarah Gromley: Yes.
Aransas Savas: The timing, of course, was remarkable that you had gotten laid off just before.
Sarah Gromley: That was all very [00:22:00] interesting. I'm still a little bit bitter, but um, that's okay.
I'm like, really? I just told you my mom's dying. This is what we're doing. That's you're cool. Thanks. Yeah. But whatever.
Aransas Savas: I mean, the title of the book is The Order of Things [00:22:15] and the Alternative Universe. There would've been more tension of, do I go back to Adobe?
Sarah Gromley: Yes. Or some other big job, or, you know?
Aransas Savas: Mm-hmm.
Sarah Gromley: And there are things now, even looking back, if I think about the [00:22:30] elements that led to a wildly transformed, more fulfilling life. Leaving Adobe isn't even one of them at the time. It seems like the biggest fucking deal, and now I'm like, it was another [00:22:45] big job. I had lots of big jobs and so the title is supposed to raise questions for the reader about not what happened over the course of a calendar year.
Chronologically, it's about [00:23:00] taking look. The magnitude of certain relationships, interactions, decisions, belief in yourself. And so, yeah, I'd never thought about it that way until you just asked, so thank you.
Aransas Savas: Just hearing [00:23:15] it reflected in your answers. Here again, was an experiment with therapy first, right?
And that wasn't a fit. And then it was finding the fit in David.
Sarah Gromley: So I, I call it trickle down therapy. [00:23:30] So a lot of people are like, you know, it takes so long to find the right therapist, and David and I talk about the fact that when you're ready, it's usually the first therapist you meet. So a lot of people use that.
It's not the right [00:23:45] person as a reason not to go to therapy. Just can't find the right person. It's a lot like dating. All of a sudden, when you're emotionally healthy and right with yourself, there's the love, just like all the fucking songs say [00:24:00] Right, but Right. You know, it's like, oh, love yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, it's true. But with therapists, when I, I went the first time when I was 29, and he's the guy who was not a good fit. And [00:24:15] I used that at the time to say, oh, therapy's not for me. I. I wasn't ready because unfortunately I wasn't in enough pain. By the time I was 40. I was in such excruciating pain that I [00:24:30] knew I had to do something, which by the way, listeners is nonsense.
If you're in pain at all and emotional suffering, go talk to someone, ask for help. But I thought, well, look, I'm so, I'm so high functioning. I have all these great [00:24:45] friends. I have this beautiful apartment, what am I bitching about? And if the book does anything for a few people, it's worth it. I know it has.
Mm-hmm. Because people have told me that they've started therapy after they read it and it [00:25:00] gave permission to a lot of women who on paper, their lives look pretty awesome. You know, these women, nice husband, pretty great kids. Job two houses, healthy parents still. [00:25:15] We feel ashamed to admit that we're hurting.
So pain is pain. There's no order of that. Yours matters.
Aransas Savas: Right. Well, and I think you, I have to guess, you still [00:25:30] experience sadness and disappointment and anger and all sorts of other
Sarah Gromley: No, it's just, it's just happiness and joy all the time. No, I have my moments. I just know how to manage myself, and I find that I can be in a funk for [00:25:45] about two days now.
And then I'm like, yeah, that's enough of that. Let's take a look at what really happened and move it along. Congratulations.
Aransas Savas: Can you explain how you do that now and, and what it looks and sounds like in your head?
Sarah Gromley: Oh, so [00:26:00] I named the voice in the book. We named it Scott Kennedy because Scott Kennedy was the kid who picked on me on the monkey bars that twerk, and I beat him up.
So my mom had to come. I got kicked outta school for the day. And so Scott Kennedy, the voice is the voice that [00:26:15] says The gallery's not successful enough. My book isn't good. You're kind of fat. You can blame menopause, but God, Sarah, if you really took better care of yourself, you would look better. That talk.
And it's there. And [00:26:30] I'm like, yeah, not today. We're good. I look pretty great. I feel good. I'm healthy. Do I want the martini and the cheeseburger? I do. And I look great. So enough of that, and some days are better than others. There's this great [00:26:45] line. I don't know where it came from. It's like, you know, if you've got stuff, take it out and look at it.
You know, take out the issues and look 'em over and decide what matters and what doesn't. That's it. Right? And it's like, you know what? Today, you know it's not gonna matter today that these jeans are a [00:27:00] little too tight. I'm not letting that wreck my day.
Aransas Savas: I can buy some more jeans too, by the way, and I
Sarah Gromley: can buy some more jeans and tuck it.
I'm fine. But so, but again, I don't wanna present it like I'm just. I rainbows all day [00:27:15] every day. That is not the case. That's important. My friends have always called me a bit of a funaholic, like I was always wanting to do the things and traveling, but there was always a thick layer of hurt. Beneath [00:27:30] whatever was happening externally.
And that's gone.
Music: Mm-hmm.
Sarah Gromley: And that's what has created space for joy and has created space for creative endeavors. It created space for writing and [00:27:45] taking naps. When I want to, I'm in a, just a different place. And that's a, it's a very strange thing. My body also really remembers what I felt like for so long, which is why I think I cry all the fucking time because.
My body's like, girl, [00:28:00] can you believe it? Can you believe this is your life?
Aransas Savas: It's pretty crazy. It's pretty, pretty beautiful, and I love your love story so much, all of them. Honestly. I love your self. I know you don't like self love, but I don't wanna say it anyway because I don't know any other [00:28:15] words for it.
Whatever. It's self.
Sarah Gromley: It's like being nice to yourself. God, we're all so hard on ourselves all
Aransas Savas: of the time.
Sarah Gromley: Time.
Aransas Savas: Yeah, all the time. It's exhausting and no wonder we feel so damn fragile because we're [00:28:30] completely worn out from should on ourselves and telling ourselves how much better we should be. Exactly to what end.
Sarah Gromley: Also, it's very specific to certain types of women as well, like
Aransas Savas: rampant. It is an achiever [00:28:45] type for sure. The strategy that you described in there, the way I think of it for myself is I do what I call forced ranking all the time with myself and my clients where I'm like, okay, yeah, I get you wanna look skinny.
You wanna [00:29:00] have moments of deep joy. You wanna eat the hamburger, you wanna drink the martini, but not all of these things can coexist all the time, right? So if you step back and you ask yourself, what's really true for me that I care about most and I force rank and nothing gets a tie, [00:29:15] what do I really care more about?
Well. You want the pleasure of sitting with Camillus and having a martini and a hamburger more than you want to fit into jeans that you didn't actually fit into for the last decade. [00:29:30] Right? Like Exactly. I think you're super freaking cool and inspiring and a total badass and all the things we've been fed about life goals, a lot of those just aren't true for me anymore.
And I think for a lot of [00:29:45] people, as they get into, they find that this isn't. Really what I actually want, right, is more positional power.
Sarah Gromley: Mm-hmm. I love that. You know, we have freedom and time to open [00:30:00] things up, bring 'em out, look 'em over, and decide if something needs to change and you can change. Like that's, if anybody takes something from the book, I was like, there's hope.
If you are struggling with something, you can change your life. You can. [00:30:15] My life is not easy, but the hard things in life are so much easier. If you believe in yourself and you know you can handle things and you don't have the running loop of Scott Kennedy telling you you're a piece of shit, is there [00:30:30] anything that still scares you?
I haven't talked about this at all. I think I'm pretty scared about like what the next five to 10 years hold like this, you know, the book chapter. Both what's in the book and the writing of the book and [00:30:45] all the stuff around the book. And I'm like, oh, like I thought I had arrived at something and I did, but I don't know what's next.
And that sort of scares me because this is a really cool chapter. Yeah. [00:31:00] But I also can't wait to see, I'm like, I dunno. Figure it out. Have a martini, take a nap.
Aransas Savas: We call it the post marathon blues. You train, you work, you have this end goal in mind, and you get there and you run and it's like, [00:31:15] oh, maybe you had a great day or not, whatever.
But then it's like, where does all this energy go now?
Sarah Gromley: So, yeah, we'll see. Stay tuned. There might be another book. I hope I'm, I hope so too. I'm not writing it right now, but I have some ideas [00:31:30] bouncing around up there.
Aransas Savas: I'm really glad you decided to write this book and I'm really glad I got read it. So grateful
forward to seeing what you.
Sarah Gromley: [00:31:45] Well, thank you. Thank you. And for your listeners, if anybody wants to reach out, I'm very reachable and I love hearing from people. So
Aransas Savas: find me and read the book. Read the book. It's so good, or listen to it. Thank you for [00:32:00] listening to the Uplifters podcast. If you're getting a boost from these episodes.
Please share them with the uplifters in your life and then join us in conversation over@theuplifterspodcast.com. Head over [00:32:15] to Spotify, apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. And like, follow and rate our show. It'll really help us connect with more uplifters and it'll ensure you never miss one of these beautiful [00:32:30] stories.
Music (2): Mm ah.
Aransas Savas: Big
Music (2): love painted water, sunshine with rosemary. And I'm dwelling. Not perplexing though you find it ing. Toss a star in [00:32:45] half for be around best love for relish in a new prime and a tree in springtime dance with addle. Hindsight, bring the sun to twilight. Lift you up. Whoa.[00:33:00]
Music: Lift you up.
Lift you up. Whoa. Lift you up.[00:33:15]
Lift you up.
Lift you[00:33:30]
lift.
Um, beautiful. I cried. It's that little thing you did with your voice, [00:33:45] right? In the pre chorus. Right? Uhhuh. I was like, mommy, mommy, stop crying. You're disturbing the peace.