#60. Students not taking accountability for their behaviours? Here's what to do.

It took me spending thousands of hours in the classroom , with all of the inevitable ups and downs , to make me the teacher that I am today Confident , capable and empowered in my ability to teach all students yes , even the ones who are the toughest to reach and now I'm dedicated to supporting teachers like yourself to do the same .

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So if you're a teacher or one in the making and you're wanting to feel happy and empowered and actually enjoy being in the classroom , whilst also making a massive impact with every single one of your students , then you're definitely in the right place . Let's get started .

Hello , my wonderful the Unteachables community . It is so nice to be back here for another episode , and today is something that I've been kind of quietly working on in the background for a while , because it is something that is a very common frustration for teachers .

It is something that I get asked about a lot and without the right strategy around it , it can be very easy for this particular thing to get us completely dysregulated ourselves because it is so frustrating and it is so triggering sometimes . And what it is is when we're in the middle of a lesson .

Just say we have struggled to get through every second of teacher-led instruction because there is a student who might be cutting you off at every turn , talking over you . Just say this has a knock-on effect . Other students start to become disengaged and dysregulated . You're becoming increasingly frustrated .

Just say you finally address this student in the middle of the lesson and you get a very loud response from them saying why are you talking to me about this ? Go and talk to the other students . Jeff's doing that as well . Look at what so-and-so's doing .

So you're in that moment and you are addressing a student about their behaviors when you can see that that is happening right in front of your eyes . But then there is blame , there is pushback , there is a lack of accountability there . There is well , why are you talking to me ? Because everyone else in the class is talking as well .

It is a very hard thing for us to address and , as I said before , it's because it can be so triggering for us . We're like no , I can see what you're doing . I'm standing at the front , I am the teacher .

I know for a fact that right now , looking around at the classroom , you are the student who is dysregulated , who is bringing everybody on board , who is the biggest barrier right now for us proceeding with a really calm lesson . So what do you do about it ? Because you want that student to have buy-in , you want that student to be on board with the lesson .

If you don't have that student on board , if you don't really tread carefully with what you say in this moment , it can go from zero to a hundred , because this student is already offside .

Really , if they're already going in with the defense , if they're already pushing back on you , what you say next is going to be the make or break between them exploding , them running out of the room , them increasing their fight , flight or freeze behaviors and then stopping you from getting back to the lesson .

The whole point of what we do in the lesson when it comes to behavior is not to necessarily resolve everything in the moment . So you can take a big sigh of relief around that . It is about being able to de-escalate the behaviors that are happening in the classroom . So what to do ? Because it's about buy-in .

When responding to the initial behavior challenges , you need to say something that is going to be connecting , not disconnecting . You need to say something that is going to be connecting , not disconnecting . You need to say something about that student to that student that is going to put you in the best position to get them on side , to get that buy-in .

So things like are you okay ? Before you even say anything to them about their behavior , just try to connect with them If you know that they're going to go to that place of blame . Is there anything I can help you with right now ? How can we get you back on track . What do you think is important for you to do right now , in this moment ?

So we're saying things that are naturally going to be regulating with that student , naturally going to be connecting with that student , and that are sending the messages to that young person that , whatever their behaviour is right now , I know that it's challenging , but I want you to come on board right now .

I know that it's challenging , but I want you to come on board right now , and I am here to support you . So it really is laying the foundation of that , rather than us going in gung-ho . We are not going to get anywhere if we are locking horns with that student , if they are already in that space .

So just say you do that and you connect with them and you get . You try your very best to get that buy-in and then they push back oh , me , it's like that , that student's doing it as well . Or why are you only picking on me ? Or whatever they might say , if they completely refuse to take any kind of accountability for what they're doing ?

You can say things like you know , james , why do you think I'm speaking to you first and not them ? Right now ? Why do you think I am choosing to speak to you first ? Why have I come to speak to you ? You can say to a student like whose behaviors are you responsible for ? Are you responsible for Jenny's behaviors over there ?

No , oh , okay , so we're responsible for our own behaviors . So I can't talk to you about Jenny's behaviors . I can only talk to Jenny about her behaviors . So right now , what do I need you to do ? What do you need to do right now in this lesson ? What is your job right now and what is my job right now ?

If , for some reason , this doesn't work , if that student is still pushing back and getting more dysregulated and getting more difficult to support in that moment and things are completely spiraling out of control , you can take that discussion out of the moment .

The worst thing you can do is stand there and really just lock horns with them and just go gung-ho with it . Take the discussion out of the moment so to do that in a way that makes sure you are de-escalating it and walking away and nobody feels like they have won or lost the argument . It's not an argument , it's not something that we need to win or lose .

So to make sure that we feel really good about walking away from that situation , we need to make a plan for the discussion afterwards . We need to take the discussion out of the moment in a really strategic way so you can say to that student James , I'm going to go teach the rest of the lesson now . You can see that everybody's waiting .

I can see you need a bit of space as well and I think we could both use a bit of time . I'm going to talk about this with you when we're done , because this is still really , really important for me to talk to you about .

Or you can say okay , I can see this discussion we're having right now isn't going to need a whole lot more time than what we have right now in the middle of the lesson , because we've got this lesson to continue on with . So I'm going to continue going and doing what I need to do .

I'm going to continue going and doing what I need to do , but I really am going to look forward to speaking to you after , because I think it's really important that we sit and have this discussion . So you've set that plan . You've made the plan to talk to them after the lesson . How do you approach them when starting the conversation ?

Again , going back to what it was like at the start of the lesson when they were displaying those behaviors , you're not going to get anywhere if we go in and we are wanting to lock horns with them . So you can say something like that was a really difficult lesson . James , can you explain why that might be ? Can you give me some insights ?

What was going on for you at the time ? What were you feeling at the time ? What were you thinking at the time ? Did something happen that I'm not aware of ? You can just say are you all right ?

Like , I just wanted to check in with you first because , no matter what happened in that room , no matter what behaviours were happening , no matter how challenging that was for your learning , I wanted to make sure that you were okay first , because that's the most important thing .

So once you feel like you have laid that groundwork , you've connected , rather than just gone in to want to speak about the behavior , to want to be you know , getting them to admit what they've done wrong and take accountability . Connect with them first and that will really go a long way to getting that buy-in when you are then unpacking the behavior with them .

This is so important because obviously , in the moment , they weren't willing to take accountability for what they were doing . They were pushing blame out . That's not going to help anybody . It's not going to help the student , it's not going to help the class in the next lesson , because they're going to fall back on that default .

So you can say things like what was happening in the moment , was it helpful , was it unhelpful to who ? If you were up the front and you're watching the lesson from where I was standing . What kinds of things do you think that I was seeing ? If they can't express that to you , if they're not sure what to say , you can say can I make a suggestion here ?

Can I explain to you what I saw , can I explain from my perspective what I saw and you can tell me if that sounds about right or not . And to stay very factual , keep the emotion out of it .

That is what's going to be really powerful , with them taking accountability , and you can say things like when I have you and other students calling out , why might that be challenging during the lesson ? So you can bring other students into it ? You can say like I have spoken to this other student or I will be speaking to this other student .

Why do you think , as a collective , that is really challenging for us to , you know , to have in the lesson . If they have taken accountability , fabulous , brilliant , if they get to a point where they're able to say you know what ? Yeah , you're right , I was calling out . Yeah , you know ,

you're right , that was challenging . Whatever it is and remember it's going to be different from student to student I want your real expectations to be realistic . One student might be able to verbalize things in a way that is really eloquent , really reflective , really well thought out . Other students might not have the skills to do that .

So please make sure your expectations match what your students are able to do in that moment . You know your students . You know what to expect from them .

So if a student who has been really struggling to take accountability , you can see on their face and they've said a couple of things , you're like , actually I know that this student gets this , I know this is sinking in right now , you can communicate that back to them . James , I can really see right now that something shifted in you .

I can see that you're different than you were before . I can see that you're maybe understanding a little bit more what the problem was here , what the challenge was here .

When they have acknowledged that there was a challenge , when we're able to acknowledge there was something that needed to shift in the lesson , something that wasn't working , what is really important is to make a plan and resolve the behavior . What is going to be different next time ?

It's not good enough for us just to say you know what this behavior was challenging and you admitted it now , so great , move on with the day . What is that going to do to actually shift the behavior for next time ?

What is that going to help when it comes to that student being in that lesson doing the exact same thing the next time when they've , when they're experiencing the same , doing the exact same thing the next time when they're experiencing the same feelings , when they're experiencing the same context , whatever it is , that was a struggle for them and led to those

behaviors , those dysregulated behaviors . We need to try to get to the bottom of in some way to resolve them and then , so we can make a plan to move on , you can say to the student next time this happens , what could we do ? What could we do differently ?

The next time you come in and you're feeling overwhelmed , the next time you come in from lunch and you've just had a fight with a friend or whatever the situation was for that young person , what happens if you come into the lesson and you feel you're not sure why , but you just feel like you're not coping with whatever is happening in the lesson .

You're really struggling . What can you do ? What can I help you with ? What struggling ? What can you do ? What can I help you with ? What do you think might be best for you in that moment ? Is it going and getting a drink with a staff member or going to the bubblers outside ?

Is it I don't know having something that you can scribble on to really try to focus your energies in that way , like what is going to be helpful for you ? What can you say to me that is going to communicate to me that you're struggling ? If they're not able to say anything , if they're not able to identify anything again , you know your students .

You can say to them may I offer a solution , may I offer a suggestion to you about what we could do next time . Maybe the next time you're feeling like this , you could say to me Miss English , I'm having one of those lessons again .

Like I'm just letting you know that as I'm walking in the lesson , like I'm feeling a little bit off , so you can offer a suggestion to them as well . So , just recapping , in the moment you've got a student there . Their behaviors are really big , they're derailing the lesson .

It's really hard to manage them in that moment when initially responding to them approach them . Are you okay ? Is there anything I can help you with right now to get you back on track ? What do you think , is your job right now in this lesson ? What is important for you to be doing right now ?

Connecting with them and redirecting them to what you're doing in the lesson . If you get the pushback , if you get the blame , if you get the , you're picking on me . What about the other students ? Everybody else is talking . Say , why do you think , james , I'm speaking to you first and not them ?

Like , maybe it's because there's only one of you and four of them ? I guess maybe just a logistical thing . Maybe it is that the behaviors that you're seeing in this student are , you know , much more dysregulated than the other students . You can say whose behaviors are you responsible for ?

Are you responsible for your behaviours right now , or are you responsible for the behaviours of everybody else in the classroom when that doesn't work ?

If you're really struggling to get that student on board , if they're still pushing out blame , you can , instead of locking horns with them , you can just say to them you know what , james , I'm going to go teach the rest of the lesson now . I can see that you need a bit of space . I'm going to talk to you about this when we are done .

Or you can say I can see this discussion is going to need a bit more time than what we have right now . It is the middle of the lesson , so I'm going to go keep teaching and I'm going to speak to you after .

I really do look forward to speaking to you , though I know there's something going on and it's really important for me that we sit down and have a chat about it .

When you get to the end of the lesson , when you get to talking to them after start the conversation again by checking in and gaining that buy-in , you can say to them do you feel picked on during my lessons ? I'm really sorry if that's the case . I'd love to hear you out a little bit more so we can understand each other better . You can say are you okay ?

That was a really difficult lesson . Can you explain what was going on for you ? What were you feeling at the time ? What were you thinking at the time ? When you're unpacking the behavior then and trying to raise the accountability , the kind of things you might say those behaviors , what were they ? Were they unhelpful , were they helpful to who ?

And you know , when I have you and other students who are calling out , why might that be challenging for me as the teacher , for you as the student , for your peers , really unpacking what the impact of that is and not assuming that they know what that is from the get-go .

And then , once you've gotten to the point where they're able to take accountability for their behaviors and that process might take quite long you can then go on to making a plan and resolving the behavior for next time , because we know that that is so important .

So what might we do next time this happens , the next time you're feeling like this , the next time something like this happens , what can you do ? What can you signal to me ? What might be a strategy to help you manage in that session better , in that lesson better ? If they can't come up with anything , may I also offer a suggestion ?

Okay , I hope that made sense . What I've done for you , because this is a very important part of pedagogy when it comes to classroom management having the right language around approaching challenging behaviors .

I have created a guide of prompts 71 behavior response prompts that will help you to feel more confident and calm , having those really tough conversations , those really crucial conversations . They are extensive , so they go through those steps we went through in this podcast episode . So the before , the during , the after all the rest of it .

It's broken up in that way . There are plenty of them for you to use , and the way that I encourage you to use it is to choose a couple that really resonate with you and then just practice them and hardwire them .

You can share it with your colleagues , you can share it with your staff , share it with a teacher friend who you think might need this as well . I'm more than happy for you to do that . But if you go to the-unteachablescom forward slash prompt or there's also an episode link in the episode description you can download that there . I really do hope it's helpful .

This is something that is so difficult for us to manage because again , it really taps into something in our brains with our own regulation when we are face-to-face with a student who we saw these behaviors happening with and we are trying our best to resolve that so we can move on with the lesson , and then we get stonewalled with well , I wasn't doing anything .

So it's really frustrating , but I really do hope that helps and I hope this episode has helped and until next time , teacher friends , have a wonderful week .