143. Breaking Down Self-Sabotage: Overcoming Procrastination and Perfectionism + Taking Steps toward Positive Change

In a way , it's hard to talk about because there's so many different ways that self-sabotage shows up and there's so many different ways that it not only shows up and presents itself , but the root of where it came from is so different for everyone . So it's a really hard topic to explain , to grasp , but I'm going to do my best .

I've talked about it before in previous episodes . So if you resonate with this episode and you're like , yep , that is me , go back , search for my previous podcast episodes about self-sabotage , because every time I talk about something , obviously I've learned and grown and it's going to be in a different way . I'm going to approach it in a different way .

So you'll learn something from previous episodes about this topic . Even though it's me talking about it , it's going to be different . So it's not going to be conflicting necessarily , it's just . It's just going to be different and a little more thorough .

Maybe more so about tips on one episode and one more so about diving deeper into what it is and where it came from . So just trust me , go listen . But this is a really intense , deep , different , complicated topic .

But I'm going to unfuck it for you classically and I'm going to unfuck it for you in general , kind of explain what it is , what it looks like when it shows up , where it kind of comes from , what types of people are more susceptible me and then I'm going to talk about whether or not you can move out of it .

I'm not going to give tips on how to move out of it and what to do If you are a self-sabotager .

I'm going to explain what it is because I firmly believe and I've gotten some comments before on my podcast episode saying like , well , this is a great episode , but you didn't give any tips on how to fix it or certain things like that , and that's fine , it is what it is .

But I firmly believe that you have to understand something for yourself before you try to move out of it or fix it .

For me to just get on here and say here's five tips on how to prevent self-sabotage , if you are someone that , like me , years ago , would have saw that and thought , well , I don't self-sabotage , that's not me , I don't do that , so I don't need those tips when , yes , I absolutely did do that and I did need those tips .

But first I need to understand what it was , how I struggle with it , why and how it shows up in my life , and then I'll give a fuck about fixing it right . But this episode is going to be just about that .

So you can understand what it is , understand if you struggle with it , maybe a little bit about why you struggle with it and kind of dive into that so you notice it in yourself .

Because you can't fix and adjust and change and improve on things in yourself unless you can't fix and adjust and change and improve on things in yourself , unless you know you're struggling with something . And unless you know yep , that's me , I self-sabotage . Now I know it's not a bad thing , everybody does .

We just either don't know it or we haven't been taught what it is . So that's what we're going to do . No more excuses for us . We're going to know exactly whether or not we self-sabotage with fitness at the end of this episode . So again , it's a really hard , complex topic .

But I'm going to unfuck it and we're going to dive in and talk about it in a general sense and a deeper sense , and then later these things kind of fix themselves . I'm going to give you some questions actually to ask yourself in the show notes and I'll go . I'll talk about that a little bit .

But go to the show notes and look at these questions that you can ask yourself to figure out if you really do self-sabotage . And then going deeper into why , where it came from , and it kind of fixes quote unquote fixes itself once you understand it more . But just like with anything else , you have to have a foundation and you have to understand it .

You have to understand self-sabotage as it refers to you , as it affects you . It doesn't matter how self-sabotage affects other people if you're trying to fix it for yourself . So let's try to listen to this . I encourage you to try to listen to this and relate it to yourself .

So , as I was writing down my own thoughts and then I went to the internet and Googled self-sabotage to just kind of see what's out there , of course , and see what I relate to and see what people are saying and thinking , and see what I relate to and see what people are saying and thinking , it's a little conflicting .

So some say that self-sabotage is intentional and some say that it's unintentional . So holding yourself back unintentionally or holding yourself back intentionally , and this can be by actions that you are taking that are setting yourself back , or it could be things that you're not doing . You're not taking the action to lose weight .

You're not taking the action to get healthier , intentionally or intentionally . So I think for me that was something that I struggled with knowing before is like am I doing this intentionally ? That was something that I struggled with knowing before is like am I doing this intentionally or am I doing it unintentionally ?

Because everything I had kind of looked up years ago was like unintentionally and I thought , well , good , it kind of gave me an outright like oh , I'm unintentionally holding myself back . And then it's like no , now it's intentional . And I agree with both . Sometimes we don't know and we just don't think about it enough and we don't care .

We're just like , yeah , I'm not doing that , I don't want to think about it . Sometimes I believe that it is firmly intentional , we're like , no , I'm not ready to do that yet , and so it's intentional . But either way , depending on what you read and kind of take that for yourself , I think it can be both , and I think it is both .

You read and kind of take that for yourself . I think it can be both and I think it is both . So that's what it is . You are hindering your progress , your own progress , either intentionally at times or unintentionally at times , by taking certain actions or not taking any action , but either way , it's when you hinder your own progress .

I think we can all admit if not , you're a liar to yourself . We can all admit that we hinder our own progress and probably more often than anyone else hinders our own progress . So we all are guilty of self-sabotage . Three common examples of this are procrastination , perfection and self-medication . Okay , and yeah , I'm definitely . I used to be a procrastinator .

I'm not really so much anymore , and this could also be me thinking that I'm too busy and have too much to do , that I can't do X , y and Z . That could be an excuse . I don't know . See , here we are . Maybe I'm self-sabotaging . I firmly believe that right now I'm too busy to do certain things .

I'm not procrastinating them , I just have an order of importance and some things just aren't at the top , but those are things that actually don't need to be done Right now . I'm pretty good at prioritizing what actually does need to be done . My fitness is number one . I'm always at the top of my own list .

Physically , I need to work out , I need to do those things right . So I think I'm pretty good there . But I have absolutely been guilty of procrastination . Perfectionist , yep . Type A yep , that's me . And self-medication no , that's not me , but it makes sense . So procrastination , perfection and self-medication , let's dive into those a little bit .

People who self-sabotage often procrastinate . Procrastination is a way that you show that you're never ready and you put off a good thing . That's me , right . I have to pay my bills , I have to do the laundry , I have to do client check-ins , I have to go work out . I do procrastinate my workouts sometimes .

Actually , I'm like I'm going to work out at 10 o'clock , or I'm going to work out at 7 o'clock , or I'm going to work out at 4 o'clock , and I'm always always two hours after that . So I guess I do procrastinate . Look at me . So we're always , we're like never ready , we never want to , we're always putting it off . I'll do that later .

I'll do that later for whatever reason . Right In a real sense in terms of workouts . I guess more serious things it's because of a fear of disappointing others or failing or succeeding . So usually when we're procrastinating something , it's not because , honestly , we're so busy and we can't and all the things it's . I'm scared if I do this , I'll do it wrong .

I'm scared if I do this it'll be stupid . I'm scared if I do this I'll fail at it . Or I'm scared if I do this I'll be really good at it and I will succeed . And I don't know what that means . Totally guilty of all of those . Holding yourself to an impossible standard , like perfectionism , will also cause setbacks . It's also gonna cause inaction .

So if you're trying to be perfect at something , for me anyway that means I'll not do it . That's inaction . Because I want this workout program , I need to do it right . Okay , here's a good example for fitness . It's a 90-day program . I can't start it because I have a vacation coming up and I won't be 100% on track .

So I need to wait until after the vacation because after that it looks like I have a solid 90 days where I can do absolutely everything perfect . So I'm not going to start a program . I'm not going to start tracking my macros . I'm not going to start working out .

I'm not going to start doing fucking anything until it's absolutely perfect circumstances In business . For me , this can look like . I'm not going to start a podcast because I don't know how to start a podcast .

I might look stupid , I might do it all wrong , I might fall flat on my face , everyone might make fun of me , or it might go really , really great , blow up and be a huge success and I won't know what to do with that . For me , starting a podcast was both of those things . So that's scary and that's a control thing , that's a perfectionist thing .

So yeah , and if we fail , a lot of times we're ashamed , we end up thinking that we are the worst , we let everyone down . That creates anxiety , that creates depression . So there's a lot that goes into that . But that's a form of self-sabotage .

And then also for the self-medication , there's usually this constant battle in certain types of people that you're wanting to be so successful and you're also wanting to be more successful than you can be . That makes you want to soothe yourself through alcohol and through drugs and through different medications , in that sense to kind of shut your brain off .

So you're either kind of wanting to be so successful and you'll never reach that power level , you'll never get there . So you think you're not good enough .

You keep pushing Maybe that's coming from outside sources of doing a job you don't want to do , or showing up in a way you don't want to show up , or feeling like you have to be this profession , in this rank to get the love and support and the recognition from certain people that you just you can't keep up and you keep fighting to be something you're not .

So that that's like a job example and that's pretty drastic . So to bring it back down to procrastination and perfection but self-medication is a real thing where you can talk yourself into not being good enough and then that can go into self-medication of anxiety medication , depression medication , which I take . So I'm not knocking that at all .

But if I look at the root of that , it goes way , way , way , way , way back right . It's not just like , oh , I'm anxious and depressed , so I need medication . It's like I'm anxious and depressed because X , y and Z right . So again , not knocking that , I take medication , I love it , I swear by it , I need it right now and it is what it is .

But those are types of examples of people that usually fall into self-sabotage . So self-sabotaging people , often perfectionists . You probably overthink every single detail . You think everything has to be right . I know this because that was me and I'm talking about fitness journey .

Again , going back to that example of I'm not going to start this program because I don't have 60 days or 90 days that I can absolutely dedicate to perfect , right , the 75 hard . You can only do that at certain times because you have to be on for 75 days and that was a very common thing .

Like I want to do one-on-one coaching with you , I want to start Fit Club . Back in the day it was Beachbody . I want to start this Beachbody program but I can't start it until April . I can't start it until June . I can't start it until August because I don't have 90 days where I can be perfect , be absolutely excellent , spot on , not fuck up everything .

I want to do every single thing , perfect , and if I don't , I feel like I failed . I feel like I'm not good enough again . I failed again , I'm not good enough again . So why start ? And then that's inaction . Or you take the wrong kind of action and you're all screwed up right .

Either way , when you're self-sabotaging , it's action that's not taking you anywhere , or it's taking you somewhere you don't want to go , or it's inaction taking you literally nowhere . So that is the definition , the reason behind self-sabotage , and I want to really sit with that and kind of take what I'm saying and relate it to your life in certain ways .

Relate it to fitness right now . Relate it to your life in certain ways elsewhere . Definitely do that Right now . I want you to take what I'm saying and relate it to your life in areas regarding fitness , meaning , why can't you get your steps in ? Why can't you track your macros ? Why can't you stop eating shitty foods more often than you need to ?

Why aren't you starting a workout program ? Why aren't you doing the things that you want to do ? You know how to lose weight . If you've gotten this far in the podcast , you know how to lose weight . You know how to lose fat . You know how to work out . If not , you know someone that can help you Hello me . But you're still not doing the things .

If you're self-sabotaging in some areas of fitness , maybe you're tracking macros , but you're like I can't get myself to start Fit Club . I can't get myself to start coaching . I can't get myself to do anything on YouTube because I'm not going to be perfect . I'm in the middle of holidays , it's basketball season . I'm crazy . I'm a crazy person .

I've got so much to do . I can't add another thing on right now . Maybe that's self-sabotage . Maybe the exact thing you need to do is start your day for yourself is you need to get a workout in , you need to go for a walk , you need to get on your walking pad and hit your 10k steps .

You need to hit your protein because you'd feel so goddamn good about yourself if you did . Maybe that's exactly what you need , but you're saying I don't want to do that because I feel like I might miss a day and then I would feel like a failure and then I would feel bad . Right , so you keep yourself stuck .

So think about these things and what I'm saying , like how is this showing up for you in your journey right now ? What are you telling yourself ? I can't do that , and sometimes it is unconscious or unintentional . Like I said before , it's easier to see it happening in someone else . So , kind of , take yourself out of the equation .

This is nice , because I can see my clients saying like , oh , I can't do that right now . I can't fit that into my schedule . I only have three days a week to work out right now , and I feel like I need five to be able to see any changes in my body . Well , you don't , you only need three . So who told you you needed five ? Who told you ?

And they'll say well , I thought I used to do Beachbody and 21-day fix is five days a week . So I thought I had to do five days a week . Well , you don't . I'm here to tell you right now . As your coach , I can create workouts for you for three days a week . You can get those in . You can just hit your 10,000 steps or whatever you need to do .

The other days . You can still go to that yoga class , you can still go to certain things with your friends , but you can absolutely see progress . Working out three days a week , lifting three days a week , hitting your macros five days a week , that's better than not doing anything , right ? So I can see it .

It's like when a friend says they can't do something , or they're like I can't apply for that job , I'm not good enough for that job , I don't have what it takes to do that , and you're like are you kidding ? Best friend , you are the coolest person I know . You're so smart , you're so talented , you're so qualified . What do you mean ?

But you can't see it in yourself .

It's like also if someone were to say to me that they want to eat healthier , they want to eat better quality food , but then they hit up a fast food chain every day and I'm thinking it's like they're saying that not even realizing Like , oh , I want to eat better quality foods , I want to eat better , I want to do better , but I just can't meal prep .

So I have to go to McDonald's every single day for lunch . And if someone were to say that to you , you'd be like that makes no goddamn sense . What do you mean ? Or someone saying I know I should go to the gym today , but instead I'm going to just go straight home and drink . I don't know . It's hard because you can see it from other people .

You see it from the outside , but when you're in the midst of that , sometimes you can't see it . It was like me in the podcast . I really wanted to start a podcast . I really wanted to get myself . I love to talk and articulate things . I love to just say things how they are . It's a God-given talent Some probably hate it of mine .

I wanted to do that , but I thought I can't do that . I am not like these other people that have a podcast . Are you kidding ? I genuinely thought that Sometimes I still do . And I had my friend Emily , who now is my podcast editor , telling me no , you should do that , you're really good at it . A lot of people were like you should have a podcast .

We like to listen to you coaching us . You should say that on a podcast . And I was scared that people , like I said , would judge me , wouldn't like me , and I was also scared that I would be really good at it and I would be successful . And both of those things have happened . And here I am right . I had to work through that .

So there's different ways that you can see it in someone else saying , hey , I can't apply for that job , and you're like , yes , I can . People saying I should really eat healthier , and then they're not taking the time to go .

Just stop at a gas station and get some healthy snacks or stop at a grocery store and grab some healthy snacks , instead of going and grabbing a burger . It's almost as fast to walk into a grocery store and go grab some hummus and some turkey and some carrots . I don't know , that's very random . Then it is to go into a McDonald's and order fast food .

So there's different ways where you're like no , you don't have to go out to eat and get fast food every single day . What do you mean ? Or your friend saying I should go to the gym , but I'm not , I'm not going to do that . It's kind of like people joke around like , oh , I should go to the gym today , but not gonna like . Okay , well , why not ? Then ?

Why do you keep saying that you don't like your body and you're going to make changes ? You know you should go to the gym and you're not doing that ? It's like Emily listening to me saying I should start a podcast but I can't do that , and she's like no , that's exactly what you should do . Right , take yourself out of yourself .

Like kind of look at yourself from a bird's eye view . These are the questions that I'm going to put in the show notes and ask yourself these questions what am I afraid of ? What am I not doing ? Why am I thinking I have no time ? Why am I thinking these things about myself ? Why do I think I have to work out five days a week ?

Why do I think I have to get yes , I said 10,000 steps , I can start with six right , like why am I acting like that ? What would I tell my best friend if she were to come to me and say you know , I want to do X , y and Z , but I can't . Or you , whatever it is you want to do , right , I want to get better at X , y and Z .

I want to start walking more , I want to start working out , but I can't . I should go to the gym , but I'm not going to . What would you say to that person ? Like truly , and think about it as someone like you want that , you want the best for that person , not someone you would be like , oh yeah , I don't go to the gym . That's freaking stupid .

Don't say that . Think of it as someone you really love and care about and you want to live a long , healthy life . What would you respond with ? Hopefully , what you need to hear . Right , but let's dive a little bit deeper into why . Why do we say I need to go to the gym but I'm not going to ?

Why do we say I should start a podcast but I'm not going to ? Why do we say I should apply for that job but I'm scared ? Why do we do that ? So something that I've learned , walked through with a lot of my one-on-one clients and myself , is intentional choice . Sometimes we forget that we are choosing daily . All of those things are a choice .

I wanted to start a podcast , but I'm not going to . For years I said that Obviously I did . I should go to the gym , but I'm not going to . The last part of that didn't need to happen . You could have just said I should go to the gym , I'm fucking going to . We are choosing something every single day and it's intentional .

We forget that we do have and I'm totally talking to myself here as well we forget that we do have intentional choice and we are practicing intentional choice . So , yes , there is that part that is unintentional where we just go by our habits and we don't have any discipline and we're just kind of coasting throughout the day . Right , that's also intentional .

But when you notice I should do this , I'm not going to . I want to do this , I'm scared . I want to do X , but I can't because Y . That's a choice . This can be even more frustrating , though . I remember for me when I learned that let's take the podcast , for example I never really had a problem . If I wanted to track macros , I was going to do it .

Fitness for me was always like I can do it , I'm in control , that's fine , I'll figure it out . Everything's figure outable as far as fitness for me . I had a coach and they told me what was going to happen to my body and how I'm going to do it . I'm going to have macros and I'm going to do these workouts and I fucking did that .

Not a big deal For the podcast example . Why do I feel like I'm not good enough ? Why do I feel like I have imposter syndrome ? What's the worst ? That's going to happen , right ? Why am I feeling like I really want to do this ? I would freaking love to have a podcast , but I'm not going to . I'm scared .

I was so scared I'm intentionally choosing not to do it . But then I'm pissed off that other people are starting podcasts and I'm like how does that person have a podcast ? Why are they so confident in themselves ? And I'm over here , not ? That's frustrating to be like . I know I should go to the gym and I'm not going .

I know I should eat more protein and I keep eating Oreos . What is my fucking problem ? I know that's annoying to know . Why am I keeping myself stuck ? Why would I do that ? The truth is , is that because your brain is trying to keep you safe ? Your body is used to what you're doing . It's used to comfortable . It likes comfortable . We're safe here .

We're safe overweight . We've always been overweight . My mom didn't say this , but my parents always said you're going to be overweight . You're big boned , right . Runs in the family . It is what it is . You've always been the big friend in school . You were the bigger friend in college . This is what it is . You're not athletic . You're not skinny .

You're not strong , right . Maybe you've heard all of these things your whole life . You don't go to the gym . You've literally never been to the gym and you're 40 years old . You're not a gym goer . You tell yourself these things . You're not a podcaster , christy . You live in a tiny town . You're a wife and a mom . You're not a podcaster .

That's crazy In reality . Obviously I am a podcaster and if you start going to the gym , you're a gym goer , right . And if you lose weight and you lose fat and you get strong , then you're not always going to be overweight . That's not the ending of your story . That's not just genetics . You're not just big boned , right Like . You get to intentionally decide .

Is this what I want for myself ? Is that true ? This person called me this . This person said this . I said you're not good enough to myself . I said that or I made myself feel like this , or someone else made myself feel like this . But is that true ? No , what's the worst that could happen ?

If I start a podcast and people make fun of me , I'll cancel it . I don't know , it's not that big of a deal , right ? What happens if people love me and I make all these new friends and I get all these new clients ? What am I going to do then ? I don't know , but I'll figure it out . I'll figure it out .

What they need me to teach them and I'll teach them . I'll figure it out . That's where it came from . What if I go to the gym and people laugh at me because I don't know what I'm doing ? Oh well , I don't know . What's the worst that could happen ? Somebody laughs at you Big deal . What's the worst that could happen ?

You work out three days a week and you see slower results than if you would have worked out five , but more results than if you didn't fucking start the program at all . What's the worst that could happen ? Right , like ? The moral of the story is you can change . You have to be willing to change . You have to be willing to change .

You have to be willing to change physically the way you do things and the way that you see things and the way that you think about things , and the other truth is that it takes a long time to do this .

You have to get used to the beginning part of this where , yes , I'm a perfectionist , yes , I procrastinate , yes , I have these tendencies to want to be perfect and to not want to fail , and I'm Anxious about those things and if I fail , it makes me feel like shit and I do feel depressed . Yes , all of those things are true .

All of those things are true and they're not bad . That's not a bad thing . I can Notice those things , I can change the way I view those things and I can do some shit . Anyways , yeah , I probably am gonna mess up out of of this 90-day program I'm gonna commit to . For example , maybe 10 of the days are a complete disaster .

80 of them are good , though , so that's great right . Maybe even 70 of them are good and the other 20 suck . That's still more . That's still more . It's fine . It's okay to look at things as I'm making progress . I'm not perfect , and that's okay . And who cares what anybody thinks about it , who cares ?

If people think that you should be perfect , it doesn't matter who cares , we're not going to worry about that anymore . The more you focus on who you are , what your tendencies are , why , who told you that where they came from , it gets better . But you do have to change your outlook . You do have to change the amount of work that you're putting in .

You do have to focus on new things . You do have to surround yourself with new people , new environments , and you got this .

But I do want you to really , really focus on what I talked about in the beginning of this episode , which is what self-sabotage is , how it shows up , what types of people it shows up in the most those three examples and realize that it's okay , you're going to do it . You're going to self-sabotage . We're human .

We're going to do it over and over and over , just like I teach my clients in one-on-one coaching . Once you get through this one time and realize it's okay , I didn't kill you , whatever you thought you're going to suck at , you didn't actually suck at whatever you thought this might kill me if I do this , and it doesn't , you're going to be okay .

The more you walk through those things , the better it gets and you realize this is fine , I'm okay , right , it's just that repetition . So another thing I want you to take away is number one is I want you to take away that you can change . I want you to take away that you can change . You do self-sabotage and you can change it .

And number two it's okay , whoever you are and whatever you're doing right now and whatever you're dealing with and your personality traits , they came from somewhere and that's okay and you're fine , there's nothing wrong with you . But if you want to change how you show up , you can . Okay , those are the takeaways .

So if you think you self-sabotage , it should be each one of you listening to this . Check the show notes because I'm going to put a series of questions in there to ask yourself . I got these particular questions from a website . It is verywellmindcom . I really like this website , but there I don't know how many questions there are .

There's a few and there's a series of questions . The first one , for example , is your behavior aligning with your goals . Please answer that yes or no ? Probably no . Elaborate a little bit and then , if not , what is stopping you from taking action to make your dreams come true ? Okay , these are a little cheesy , but seriously , what is stopping you right ?

Is your behavior aligning ? No , you wanna go to the gym but you're not going . Okay , no , it's not . What's stopping you from doing that ? Be honest , what is actually stopping ? Go deeper , always go deeper . Is my behavior aligning with my goals ? No , why not ? Because I'm scared I'm going to fail . Why are you scared you're going to fail ?

Well , because I've failed in the past at different programs . Why did you fail at them ? Because just keep going . Everything is why . Why , why ? Until you get to a place where you're either crying or you get really , really deep and you figure it out , or both . For me , I always cry and then I get a little deeper and figure it out .

But go check the show notes or go to verywellmindcom also and check into all the things on that site . It's really great . I'll tag that in the show notes . Answer these questions and really just accept yourself and dive into that self-sabotage . First thing , accepting , acknowledging , setting that foundation , and then we can work on changing it .

All right , I will talk to you next week .