¶ Ultimate Intimacy Podcast
You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast , where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship . We believe that , no matter how many years you've been married , you can achieve passion , romance , happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life .
Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts , but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun . The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better .
I think this episode is going to be a fun one . It's the things you don't have to apologize for while you're getting it on . So as I was reading through this list , I was laughing and I thought oh , this is going to be a real fun one to talk about , because sometimes there are some funny things that happen while you're making love .
And I did not take a poll on this one , and that would probably have been the best survey ever . Yeah , to ask what are some of the funniest things that have happened or embarrassing things or things like that , we might have to do a part two eventually .
Oh , totally agree . Yeah , totally agree .
I guess we'll just have to come up . I don't have a whole lot of personal stories . I don't know . Maybe we'll think of something as we're talking . It's not what you were telling me earlier .
You said you had a ton of personal things that you just couldn't wait to share with the audience when it came to our sexual intimacy .
They don't want to know any of that .
Anyways , I know , I'm just I'm joking .
This will be a good one , I think .
This will be . It'll be good .
It'll be kind of lighthearted and funny A little , a little different .
Yeah , you might not not to to tmi , we're not going to share any personal . Of course you might share anyone else's personal . Yeah , you probably aren't going to leave this episode thinking , man , I've just learned so much . That was like transformative for me . I don't know , I don't know . Maybe you will I .
I think these are things that you're going to be shocked , that you're like oh yeah , I've never really thought about that , shouldn't have to be apologized for . Like , some of the things on our list that we put together are things I wouldn't have thought like people apologize for that , but everyone's different right . Oh , as I'm looking down , the list .
I'm like . I've apologized for that .
I've apologized for that Really , absolutely .
Oh okay . Starting us out the gate with number one . I've absolutely apologized for this you have .
I would think this would be more of a woman thing well no , sometimes .
So all right . So jumping in things we shouldn't apologize for while we're making love , first , how long or how quickly it takes to orgasm okay I've totally apologized for that , because sometimes I might be a little quicker . Uh , lately , since we've okay , that's enough .
Found the ring uh , okay usually now I'm apologizing for being so much longer I'm trying to like okay , how do we talk about this without talking about it ?
we can't . You have to talk about it .
They don't want to know . They don't want to know . Okay , let's , we're going to share these things , not in a personal way .
Not in a descriptive way .
Not personal or descriptive . Nick , not personal or descriptive . Okay , a couple , let's re-say that .
A couple named Nick and Amy . No , no , no , no , share this experience they had .
I'm joking , I'm taking this podcast solo today okay , go ahead , lead us off a couple should never have to apologize for how long it takes or how quick they are to have an orgasm .
Okay , have you ever thought that that couple has done that Okay ?
I'm sure all couples have apologized . I'm so sorry that I finished before you or I'm so sorry that I took so long tonight .
I think a lot of women okay , let's get serious about this one I think there's a lot of wives that do take a lot longer sometimes and vice versa , that take a lot longer and they actually feel bad where there shouldn't be a reason to apologize for that .
Because if you've listened to our other podcasts and episodes and surveys and stuff that we've taken , a husband enjoys the foreplay . He enjoys all that extra time that it takes typically right for sure . So there's no need to apologize .
And and yeah , your drives are different , your arousal times are different , that how long it takes to have an orgasm , all those things are going to look different in everyone's marriage and so and I mean between , like , that husband and that wife , those things are going to be off , you know yeah , and sometimes and it's always different it's like not always the
same either , like if , if it's been two months since you've made love , uh , chances are you're gonna be faster might be a little quicker than that .
And if you make love every day I mean it's just you know you're gonna have those things that also play a factor into it as well . All right , right , I guess . Moving on to the next one , lead us off You're going to take charge of this podcast .
Oh , I'm going to take charge . Okay , nick was fired by TMI . A couple should never need to apologize to each other for not having an orgasm or not wanting to orgasm again . Wait , people apologize for wanting it again . Yeah , that doesn't happen to us , but Kind of one-hit wonder .
Hey , if any of you are listening and you can have multiple orgasms , will you email us ?
We would like to have you on the podcast . Tell us your secrets .
Especially wives . If you even have multiple , let us know your tips and tricks .
Haven't figured that one out yet so , yeah , we we could do a podcast on that , but we just , we don't have any experience in that , we don't know .
We don't know how that works . Yeah , so I mean anyways , I don't think a couple should ever have to apologize for not having an orgasm , not wanting to have one .
Yeah , for sure , right , you never have to apologize for that Like sometimes women and some well , I don't know about men , but I think most some wives would be like hey , I'm not worried about me tonight , let's just take care of you tonight , and that's okay .
Well , and maybe this is referring to like if a husband's like oh , I'm sorry , I couldn't get you to have one tonight , I apologize , like I would apologize for that , I'd totally feel bad .
Oh , you too , you feel all guilty if I'm not enjoying it that night too . I do that's probably a good reason to feel guilt . I mean , most husbands want their wives to enjoy it too , right .
Yeah , so I definitely have apologized for that before as well . So we're gonna go down the list to see how many nick has apologized for how many I haven't .
Well , we just did the episode on the three phrases you should say to your spouse every day , and one of them was I'm sorry , not , maybe not every day , but like I'm sorry , nick's really good at saying I'm gonna say that in the bedroom too .
I'm sorry , babe , I let you down . I'm sorry I'm joking oh , the next one .
You should never have to apologize for your body not responding in the way that you expect it to , or that you you want your body to like our bodies , especially for the wives . Your mind is totally correlated with like your whole body , like mental and physical together during this time , right ?
So sometimes your mind's just like kind of whacked or off , doing thinking who knows what or I don't know , like it's easy for us to get distracted and I think sometimes for a husband as well too .
Like sometimes , our body just responds in different ways yeah .
So I don't know . I just think it's important to remember like the mental totally impacts your physical , and sometimes your body doesn't always respond the way you want to , and I don't think that's something that a couple needs to apologize for yeah , unless you really want to say sorry . I don't want to say apologies are bad .
I'm not saying bad , I'm just saying you shouldn't . I'm not saying you can't apologize . I'm just saying a couple doesn't need to feel like they need to apologize .
Right , because like it went , like not tmi , but like if nick does and I don't don't what I'm just experience pleasure at that night , whatever then , and he apologized I'm sorry that here let's try again , let's try something else , and I'm just like no , no , I'm good . And he's all like sorry about that . I don't think that's a bad thing .
I just don't think you should always feel like you have to apologize For some of these things . I mean , there's a big difference .
I love the next one Random noises that are sure to happen All the time . Uh , what do you think those random noises are ? I don't I .
I'm sure everyone doesn't need to hear what actually I will tell you , amy and I , both our stomachs are always growling for some reason oh , that's true like so I'm always hungry , like all the time our stomachs are growling or like uh , that was my stomach . I promise that was my stomach , so no , we'll just leave it at that .
Um , I'm sure that there's lots of things that can happen here , but bodies are bodies and if you're a mature person , you're gonna just not be weirded out by that , right , I think that's comes down to maturity yeah , for sure .
Things just happen . Our bodies just make , make certain noises . I'm older , my , my bones are cracking . Uh , things are making noises , it just kind of happens .
Yeah , yeah .
So um .
I think the normal person is going to apologize for something , though . Yeah , oh yeah , I don't think like you should have to feel like you have to , though . Yeah .
Um I . The next one is absolutely things . Uh , we should not have stop having to apologize for saying no to something we won't want , don't want to do that one's serious yeah you should never do anything you don't feel comfortable doing or want to do . You shouldn't give in because your spouse is pressuring you or .
But we will say you know , sometimes it's good . It's good to try new things if you feel comfortable doing so . And if there isn't something you feel comfortable doing , so maybe figure out why . And if you still feel uncomfortable doing so , that's totally fine . Like I said , you should never do anything you don't feel comfortable doing .
But I think it's important , like we've talked about , to have deep discussions on why , why you don't feel comfortable . Make sure you're not just being like nope , I'm not . I'm not open to anything like trying new things keeps your intimate life exciting .
So it's , there's a balance here , a tricky balance to like I'm just not gonna try anything versus I'll give it a try being a little bit open and then realizing either why you don't want to try or why you're against that I . I mean , we had those conversations a lot in our marriage .
And it's been amazing , because it's been amazing to find out that we both feel the exact same thing on those things . It's like yeah , yeah , definitely , hard , no , definitely hard .
no , definitely hard .
We have a lot of hard no's in our marriage , which is awesome because we feel the same way . But if I was like hard no on that and it's like I don't know , I kind of that kind of felt good or something like , and I was like , uh-uh , he would never push it , he would never push .
At the end of the day , and you would never expect me to apologize for for not like wanting something right oh , absolutely , that's just called respect , I think yeah , I agree 100 with that and , uh , honestly , like as you've heard us talk about often before , we have tried a lot of new things and we've been grateful that we have tried things , because we've
discovered things and things to make our intimate life better , which like toys .
We were super against it . He was against it , I was against it totally , then we finally had a conversation . We're like these are the boundaries we're going to put in place , these , these are the only ones that we will try .
They're not going to replace each other those kind of conversations and it's completely changed our intimate life , like that certain one has changed everything Right . So if we would have been like anti hard no , not even willing to try , I would have been missing out on a whole lot of pleasure .
And I would have been missing out too . Too , because obviously I want her to be as satisfied as she can be I mean , that's not just about me , for sure .
So asking for more clarification on things that you've never tried , or things like that , I don't think you should ever have to apologize for wanting to have a deeper conversation on why your spouse feels like that . Like I think that's what it's saying .
Yeah .
Right , clarification or communication . Why does that not feel good to you ? Or why do you not want to try that ? Like I don't think you need to apologize for at least wanting to have that conversation .
I think that's important in marriage and being respectful about their answer , how they feel about it , absolutely , but not apologizing for wanting to talk about it like I think the other spouse deserves a reason . Why aren't you willing to try that ? Or why does that not feel good , or why do you not like that like
¶ Embracing Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
I need ? I need to know if we're going to be vulnerable and have a better sexual intimate life right yeah , and I feel like for women like there's probably a lot smaller you , you know there's a lot smaller amount of things that probably feel good to a woman where a man like pretty much anything , and so , yeah , I think that's very important For sure .
Which leads us to our next one , which is , you know , you don't need to apologize for having a preferred position or something that feels really good to you . Like it's , that's okay . I , I know there are certain things that Amy likes and to me like it's more important to , uh , I guess , do what she likes .
Um , because I'm easy , I mean , let's face it like right , like I just , I think most men are , I think most , I think most loving husbands I'm adding the word loving , most loving husbands want their wife to be as satisfied as that , because it's more than just physical to them , it's emotional , it's spiritual , it's uniting , right like we always talk about sexual
intimacy . So and when I think for most loving husbands they are willing to try and to talk about and just be like .
When I think for most loving husbands they are willing to try and to talk about and just be like hey , just open up to me , tell me what you want , tell me what feels good , be vulnerable , because I want to help you feel that yeah , because number one obviously , if something is , if they're really enjoying it , they're gonna want it , hopefully more often , right
, right .
And number two like there's nothing more satisfying to a man than pleasing his wife sexually , like it's just the way it is , I mean because sometimes it's harder for the wife to be pleased that way . So it just , and it makes a husband feel like desired and important and like he , he can please his wife and she trusts him and uh loves him .
And I mean there's , I don't know , there's just something about when a wife's pleased , it reflects really good on the husband , like he's doing his job , he's able to , you know .
It hires your self-esteem right .
Yeah , for sure .
Like I can please my wife sexually and that sometimes sounds hard to do it's an accomplishment a little bit right . Absolutely , absolutely .
It's accomplishment a little bit right . Absolutely , absolutely . So yeah Again , don't ever apologize for having , like , a specific position or technique or something that helps you really enjoy sexual intimacy .
Don't ever apologize for if you , you know , preferring to have the lights on or off , blankets on or off , or certain things that kind of set the mood or make it , make it better , make it more comfortable .
Um , let's reward that .
Don't ever feel like you have to apologize for those things so if I say , babe , I want the lights on tonight , I don't shouldn't have to apologize for having the lights on .
I don't love the lights on and it's not it's not anything to do with like insecurity . It's just like my mind is like focus on everything else . I wonder how many women I need . I need to do a podcast on or a survey on that , because I wonder how many women feel the same way I do like when the lights are on and you're staring at me , or ?
My big , my big eyes just staring at you or even just like I can see , I don't know , I it's't know it's more distractions . It's harder to focus sometimes . If your wife's mind is just always going like mine , always busy that what's the next thing I need to get done . Like my mind never shuts off , it's probably harder for her to have it .
The room really lit up well , I think , where we as men are probably more visual , it's you know , a lot of men probably like it because they can see their wife , they can see her body , how she's reacting yeah where , when the lights are out , it's more of a feel you know which is which .
I like more , he likes less . So yeah , you have to talk about it .
I like less well , you like .
You rather have the lights on hey , I will fill you okay that's enough um , yeah they know , what I meant um uh , okay , um you shouldn't ever have to feel like you need to apologize for wanting to switch things up , or or Like you need to apologize for wanting to switch things up or try something new .
I apologize to Nick after I bought you know , our story Year 15 , I bought like a bedroom game and I actually kind of offended him because I think that you thought maybe I was bored .
And I was . Well , again , if you've listened to our podcast before , you've probably heard this a hundred times . But immediately , my initial response was what Is what I'm doing , what we're doing , not good enough for you ? Right , like why do you need something more ? Like what am I ? And I put it on me as to like what am I lacking ?
What am I doing wrong ?
Why is she bored in the bedroom ? But what it really came down to for me is I wanted to try something to more focus on the clitoris . I wanted to try things that would would help in that way more , because a lot of husbands don't realize that penetration doesn't work for most 80 of women for orgasm . So it was more I , I and we were .
This is the time of our life or our marriage where we weren't having these intimate conversations . This is what feels good , this is what doesn't feel like . We weren't at that place . We were like super open about these companies .
It was hard for us , right , and so that was the best way I could break the ice is like I need to chase something else because this isn't really working . It works for you , but for a woman it's a lot harder to be aroused and it doesn't feel good as long and I can't orgasm like that at all . And how do I break that open to have these conversations ?
And that worked for us and hopefully I mean that's where the app came from was to try and help couples to rip off that band-aid of we can't talk about sexual intimacy . Make it easier , make it deeper so that it can be more satisfying for both people .
Because , absolutely , if a wife Isn't it a place when she can tell her husband this is what feel good , don't touch me there . No , that doesn't work . And Just all those conversations . She's not going to be enjoying it and it's going to dwindle in the marriage and that's a huge problem , right .
So after she apologized to me , I said don't you ever apologize to me about that again , because ?
yeah .
Because our sexual intimacy changed .
And I yeah , it's just it's a hard topic . Yeah , it's just it's a it's a hard topic , but I don't think you should ever have to feel like you need to apologize for wanting again to talk about it and to switch things up and just try something like I think it's very .
you know how important that is yeah , for sure , um , you should never have to apologize for wanting to use intimacy aids or toys or different things to spice it up , and again make your sexual intimacy so much better .
There's nothing wrong with wanting your sexual intimacy to be as enjoying and fulfilling as you possibly can have it , and if you need a little help like what , what's wrong with that ? You would rather have a little bit of help than just ignore that and have a sex life that's infrequent and not that enjoyable .
Or a wife that never has an orgasm . Like how sad is that ? Like we hear from so many couples that I'm like you've been married , how long You've never had an orgasm yeah , For like 20 years or more many couples that I'm like you've been married .
How long you've never had an orgasm ? Yeah , for like 20 years or more . You know , sometimes 20 years , sometimes 10 years , sometimes two years , sometimes longer .
Like yeah , I just , I literally don't know my body , I don't know what to tell my husband , like again , why we created the app , like that's so sad to me and if you're a spouse that's never had an orgasm , you could see how you could get the mindset like , oh , that's totally for him .
Yeah , I don't even enjoy it , I , I don't want oh , you would feel like it was a chore 100 if you were enjoying it every single time yeah , every single time it would totally . That's that mindset , that chore mindset . That's where it comes from .
Like you have got to figure out how to talk about it and how to try things to help it , so you are enjoying it every single time . I like the toy that we have in our shop . That's like our number one seller that sold out like three times I I don't even know if it's possible for a wife to use that during lovemaking and not have an orgasm .
Like it's that good , like that would be my first . If someone said I don't have an orgasm , that'd be the first thing I'm like here's here's your fix .
Here's your instant fix right yeah , and so far , the feedback we're getting from people is like this is amazing .
I can't believe how well it works and so many people that are so anti-toys like we were , like , oh , I just wish I could say hey , it's actually more uniting and more connecting , because to use together , because now you're both fully enjoying each other , like that's a good thing , that's a good thing and this , this particular intimacy aid , the , the male vibrating
ring um , is used while you're making love .
So , unlike some of the other ones , which are still great aids um , but you're using it , like together , while you're making love , while you're intimate .
Yeah , there's no replacement there . It's literally just helping her to feel good the entire time . That's the only difference . Like it's literally life changing . Yeah .
Amy . When we just got an order of like several hundred of them back in , Amy made me put ten aside , just so we don't run out .
Or so I can hand them to my friends Literally , yeah , literally .
Which she has been . She's been handing them out like candy .
Oh , they're marriage changing . Anyways , enough about that rant . The next , I guess next and last , unless you can come up with anything else is I was going gonna say you should never have to feel like you need to apologize for having to take a pause , like for whatever that reason .
If you're having like pain in your back or like when I was pregnant and like you'd get late , I'd get leg cramps all the time , like they're so dumb , but like any kind of like physical reason , like I just need to stop and like reset or I need a little break .
Let's take an intermission .
Intermission , Whatever that is Like . I don't think that a couple should ever have to apologize .
I feel like they have to apologize and sometimes that happens . You have kids , you have .
Oh , sometimes someone's knocking on the door and you're like well , we're taking a 10-minute pause . Hurry , get dressed , you know .
Yeah , it happens .
Yeah , of course you're not going to apologize for each other , for your kids knocking on the door .
But there are other things that you can apologize for your kids for knocking on the door and say they need to apologize . They should have never knocked on the door .
I hope they don't know what's going on . I really hope they have no clue what's going on , but anyways , yeah . So , I can't think .
Can you think of anything else ? I can't think of anything else . I hope we didn't miss anything .
But I don't think . Well , I thought I could come up with another one . I think that's about it . I think we covered them , it's a pretty good list , but I think we need to reiterate it's always okay to apologize in your marriage . This list is more about not feeling like natural things during intimate time need to be apologized for .
I think we need to take some of these things like these are natural , these are common and and in marriage you're only with each other , so a lot of people don't know any different right , and that's the thing .
Like you and this is a very vulnerable time where you're going to have things happen that don't happen during other times . You're going to have just different experiences . Some of them are going to be funny , Some of them are going to be embarrassing , Like it's just , but you're oh .
I'm going to add something . Body fluids especially for women Like if you after you've given birth , if you you're on , if it's like during that time of the month , like things like that . I don't think , like yeah , I would probably be like oh , sorry , sorry , this got on you or sorry , whatever I mean .
You obviously have body fluids too , but like those , kind of things are natural . I think I probably don't need to say that , because everyone's pretty mature in their marriage , hopefully .
But yeah I don't think that you should ever have to feel bad for your human body working the way it's supposed to , right no , and it actually just enjoy the moment , enjoy being together and understand that , like I said , funny things are going to happen , weird things are going to happen , different things are going to happen sometimes positions , positions are crazy .
That comes back to , just like I said , um being so vulnerable with each other that utilizing this time to connect at a much deeper level , and you're , that's why sexual intimacy there's nothing more connecting because you are at your most vulnerable state , um connecting and seeing all your flaws and different things , and so , yeah , I mean .
I'm going to add one more Never feel like you have to apologize for trying a position and be like that sucks . I'm never doing that again .
We've done that .
I think everyone has .
How in the world does that ?
I'm sorry , I'm not an acrobat .
That's definitely not not gonna be tried again she's no gymnast , neither am I , neither am I anyways you're supposed to do what ?
what ?
no , no , not doing that anyways , hopefully this was a fun podcast episode and if you need a great intimacy aid to take your intimacy to the next level , go check out the mill vibrating ring in the shop it's the flower one it's the flower one , it is the best , it is an amazing
¶ Ultimate Intimacy Must-Haves
product . We need to say anything else um , if you don't have one , you're totally missing out your wife is missing out . Yeah , you're no question no , question no question that that , like I said , that , should be a household item that everyone has .
You should have lubricant , massage oil and that toy in your nightstand , or well , a locked nightstand Away , Away , Somewhere hidden . But literally the three must-haves . The three must-haves .
Yeah , every couple . Yep , your bedroom will be transformed into a heaven , heaven on Earth . Anyways , we hope you enjoyed the podcast and until next time , we hope all of you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship .