¶ Ultimate Intimacy Podcast
You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast , where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship . We believe that , no matter how many years you've been married , you can achieve passion , romance , happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life .
Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts , but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun . The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better .
It's the 10 things we need to start normalizing in our marriages . You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with Nick and Amy . Welcome to the podcast .
Welcome Welcome .
All right , before we dive into the podcast topic , let's do a , would you rather ?
These are found on the app under conversation right . Conversation starters , if you are new to our podcast and you haven't downloaded the Ultimate Intimacy app yet what are you waiting for ?
What are you ?
waiting for . There is so much great stuff on there to help you connect emotionally , physically , intimately , spiritually , fix your communication or just spice up the communication . Spice up the bedroom , have more romance in your marriage , have more better foreplay in your marriage , have better disagreements and resolutions .
Keep going , babe , keep going yeah .
Have fun . More awesome conversations .
Date night I did More date nights . More passion I did it in the bedroom Yada , yada , yada .
That's why we created it More passion , and if you don't , if you haven't really listened to us yet . Our motto is marriage should never be mediocre , which is why we created the app right .
Yeah , all I'm going to say is , the first time I played the app and many times since was the best , the best ever , the best ever .
Please leave it at that . It's good , it was awesome .
So download the app ultimateintimacycom . Find out why everyone loves it .
And why we created it for ourselves first .
That's right .
I don't believe you should invent anything in this world unless it's something you want , and that's what we wanted , yeah , In fact , amy actually just said let's invent this app for us and if anyone else likes it , great .
But we actually built the app for us and then we found out .
So people liked it . Exactly , lots of people liked it Lots of people , so that's cool .
All right , so would you rather we're going to throw this out to you , babe would you rather travel into the future together or travel to the past together ?
Oh my gosh , that is such a hard question . Can I change anything ? Do you think Like change the future ? I saw it . No , you're just traveling . I just got to go look at it and then come back .
Get to go have those experiences again .
Oh , I would start marriage all over and do it again .
You would .
Yes , but traveling back doesn't mean you get to start over , it just means you get to see it or you actually get to do it again .
I don't know . I don't know what it means Just travel into the future , this is why what do you rather ?
conversations are so great , because then you can start being like what about this ?
It gets you talking exactly .
What does that mean exactly ? I don't know . What do you want it to mean ? Well , I would like it to mean that I get a redo .
Okay .
Because then I can have more kids and buy more dogs .
All right .
No , nick's like no , no to me . There are those , but I don't think I'd want to see the future , because then , if it was sad , I wouldn't want to see that , but maybe because of something I could change , that happened . I don't know . Do you know what I'm saying ?
I know what you're saying , but you still haven't answered the question .
I want to go back .
You want to go back ? All right .
And do it again . I want to have my kids again .
I would probably go back to and make some different decisions and change things .
We want to sold all our real estate when the market crashed . Yeah , we all like look back and like I wish we wouldn't have done that . I wish we wouldn't have done that . I wish we would have done that we could all . We can't live like that .
No , and I honestly like it is what it is . It was a learning experience . Yeah , there's things I wish we would have done differently , but it's over with nothing we can do we just have to move forward .
Life's good yeah .
There's other opportunities .
That's right .
Life is good , so yeah , I would probably rather travel the past and do some things again . Maybe do some things a little differently .
Well , and I'm kind of like , probably like most people , like I don't want to grow old , like I love our stage of life , like I look forward to retirement , but I don't want to get any older than that , yeah .
I don't think you need to worry about that . I've had like five people at the grocery store ask if Amy's my daughter , so apparently .
I . It's only because you're balding it's only because you're balding .
I think there's more than that reason .
No .
I think it looks . You look like you're like 25 . I look like I'm like apparently 60 .
No , that's not true . So I think they were blind . I think the people were blind .
I was very nice of you to make that excuse for them . Six people blind . I gotta see one person like six people when they're all like oh , you have a beautiful daughter , or that's your daughter , I know that's my wife .
Oh , thanks , babe , Anyways , so , Okay , so we'll ask your spouse that tonight , if you need a good conversation .
That's right , all right . So let's dive in the 10 things we need to start normalizing in our marriages . Can ?
you guess ?
No , I haven't read this list . I really I have no idea what , where it's going , what we're going to be talking about .
I like it when I get to prepare the podcast topic , because I give him . Well , you don't really give it to me . Like vice versa . We like one of us to be like have no idea what it's going to be about , so it's like totally Ross .
Guest stage fright , but Nick will usually write more down and I'll be like here's the 10 things , we're just going to go for it and you don't even know what they are today . So number one so these are things that , like , we need to realize that it's normal and okay for these things and to have a good marriage . These things are normal .
You can still do these things or not do some of these things and still have a great marriage , or you need to do these things
¶ Normalizing Disagreements and Mistakes in Marriage
, have a great marriage . So we're going to start with number one , which is needing space .
Yeah , I agree .
Needing space . We don't get a lot of that . We don't .
And our marriages may be different than other people Like . I think you know everyone's different .
We don't need a lot of space Occasionally , you know there are days it's like okay , it'd be good , why don't you go do something for a little while ?
Get the hell out of the house for the day .
That's not quite what I say .
Get out of the house .
It's good to have your own space and for some personalities that are really controlling , it's good for them to hear this . Your spouse needs their own time .
Obviously you're making a great point , because everyone's going to be different , like in a certain relationship . If you have a spouse , it's just maybe a little more . What's the word I'm trying to say Are ?
you thinking of controlling or the opposite ?
Maybe , yeah maybe more controlling right , there's going to be certain personalities and certain things that are going to require maybe more distance or more space once in a while , or time away or other interests or whatever .
And , like I said , I think for a lot of couples , a lot of couples absolutely could not make it spending as much time together as you and I do . Yeah , no way but for us it works , because Amy and I love spending time together . She's my best friend . I'd rather spend time with Amy than anyone else , so for us it just works perfect .
But we also both have passive , chill personalities , don't you think ? Nobody really gets upset ? Nobody really . We're just lucky to have pretty easygoing personalities .
And we do get away . We have our interests , that I do my thing sometimes .
Well , he'll go run errands and he'll go , do you know , just to get out of the house for a few hours , and that's great . I think that's really important .
So the whole aspect of this one needing space is for couples to know that don't get offended if your spouse is like I just need to leave for a couple hours , I just need to be alone for a couple of hours , it's normal .
It's normal , like we come from being independent , and then all of a sudden we're married and no matter how long you've been married , you still have to be your own person , like yeah , it's , totally .
I realized that when we lost my dad , my parents were in their fifties and my mom , you know , had been married a long time and we just never know when our spouse isn't going to be there anymore .
And I don't mean to make it sad or whatever , but it's just like we still have to be our own person , like we can't let go of that independence and our personalities and our dreams and our hobbies , like we still kind of have to . We're one but we're still ourselves .
Yeah , so it's totally normal that it needs some independence to have that space that you need , totally normal .
Totally healthy in a good balance . Not all the time , not too many hours . I don't think a man needs to go play golf every Saturday for six hours . I'm just saying there's balance in all things , so talk about it . Come up with that healthy boundary for your marriage . The next one that we need to normalize in our marriage relationships is having disagreements .
Yeah , nick's taking a drink .
I used to think and I've said this before I used to think or look at couples that were arguing or things like that , and you immediately , that's all you see and you're like , oh , they must not have the best relationships because they're arguing , but it is totally normal . In fact , it's healthy to have disagreements .
If you never have disagreements or never have a conflict , something's probably wrong with your marriage or it doesn't mean that you care enough about something to have those .
Somebody's being walked all over . Yeah , for sure or their opinion is not being valued Right .
And eventually that person's just going to blow up . It's going to be like all that stuff building up . So if you are a couple that has disagreements or arguments , you're totally normal . Now it's how you handle those disagreements . Are you yelling or are you putting each other down ? That's when obviously it can become toxic or bad .
But it's totally normal to have disagreements .
It's actually healthy to have disagreements . Like Nick said , it's the way you handle them . It's the way you talk to each other . I remember us watching a show I don't remember what show it was , but they had couples and then there was a it wasn't the one we're watching , but something it was a long time ago and they had a marriage .
Therapist come in and the couple never fought and the therapist asked the wife you don't have any disagreements ? No , we have a lovely marriage . That's bad for your marriage . You need to be having disagreements because that means you're both being yourselves and you're both sharing your feelings , and I'll never forget that it's healthy to disagree .
We disagree all the time . We're two different person .
But we don't let it blow up in big arguments , right ? It's like yeah , I totally respect that she sees something different and she respects that I do . So how do we meet in the middle ?
I mean , we have different ways we might parent a certain child , we have different thoughts on different things , but at the end of the day we try to come together and find that balance .
Yeah and it's not yeah . It's about working as a team and finding that solution . So , yes , having disagreements needs to be normalized . It's healthy . The next one is making mistakes and apologizing . We have to normalize that . Making mistakes is human .
No matter how good your marriage is , nobody's ever going to be perfect You're still going to bug each other and let your ego go yes , you know .
Instead of trying to have to be right about everything , let your ego go and say you know what , I made a mistake , I said something I shouldn't have , or whatever it is , and apologize . You have no idea how much that will mean to your spouse to be able to acknowledge that , yeah , you're not perfect .
And , speaking of that , I don't remember the actual comment you made , but you always talk about you don't know how I feel . And I don't know how you feel because feelings aren't something that you can argue with . Yeah , you can't argue with feelings .
You can never argue with how someone feels , because , no , you can't . There's no facts , it's just how they feel .
Right .
And yeah , so You're not going to expand on that ? No , I think that's good , but it's true Like yeah .
Like , if you're always feeling like I'm the right one , though , and you're the wrong one , or vice versa , that's not going to take you anywhere . So we need to normalize that . We're going to have different feelings and we're gonna make different mistakes , and okay , we need to apologize . Apologizing can be really hard , especially when someone does have an ego .
Yeah , really we did an entire episode on pride right like good , good episode .
¶ Navigating Change and Boundaries in Marriage
The next one is adjusting to change . What would that ? What would that mean to you ?
Well , it could be like moving somewhere or change with a job , or change with , maybe , us Life circumstance . I mean we . We have someone here close to us that Got into a car accident . He's now paralyzed and his whole life's been changed .
right , his marriage has been changed .
Yes , so yeah , I mean Understanding that change is going to happen in your marriage , whether you like it or not . There's gonna be times where you're gonna go through difficult times . You're gonna lose a job , you might have financial issues , you might have health issues .
Change is going to happen , but being able to accept it or adapt to that change , and be be there for your spouse during that change , like we are Oldest son .
Our oldest son or oldest child , who is our son , our only son . They say that right , our oldest son . We only have one son . He just moved out and that was a really really big and hard change on our family .
Mm-hmm . Yeah , so death in the family .
It was weird because like he's gone for quite a while and he's never like we sold all his stuff , like his furniture is gone , like this has been really rough on us . He's like our piano player , he's like like our house feels different and he's not moving back in , probably ever .
So his stuff is like that was a big change for and so it could be a little change . It could be a massive change , it could be but change can oftentimes be a good thing , right . But you have to be emotionally there for each other , like it's nice to know when your spouse can hold you or hug you or comfort you , because change is inevitable , yeah right .
The next one is setting boundaries has to be normalized , and I know we talk about this all the time .
Yeah , and it's amazing how many people just think that we're absolutely crazy , like , oh , you don't trust your spouse if you trust it or you want to have those .
I think most Couples most healthy understand boundaries ? No , but you have to have boundaries . I would hope so that some we're not just talking like with the opposite sex or social media or like big ones .
We're talking about like it's important to have boundaries with your parents , with your sister and Brother , with your friends , with your kids sleeping in your bed , like little stuff that makes a big impact .
Yeah , and if you haven't set boundaries , that doesn't mean every little thing has to have a boundary , but at least like talk to them . But if you haven't set boundaries on the big things , it's not . It's not a matter of if you're gonna have an issue , it's a matter of when .
I Really believe that on a boundary on big things , yeah , on big boundaries , right .
Absolutely Okay .
We're not gonna Do this with the opposite sex or we're not going to Spend over this much money without talking to each other or whatever , that is right I posted something this week on boundaries and I had a comment from a man yesterday .
He said my wife came to me at the beginning of our marriage and Wanted to discuss boundaries and putting boundaries in place and she's like I brushed her off . I didn't realize how important boundaries were . He's like we are now divorced and I wish so bad I would have sat down and had that conversation with her .
I was like that's pretty awesome number one for him to admit that .
But it just shows you like that's huge , like it's so , and it should be normal to sit down and have those conversations , say , okay , what ? What are we gonna agree on that's acceptable in our marriage and what's not acceptable , and how are we gonna deal with these things ?
and even like , and even boundaries , like when you're disagreeing or Fighting , like we just talked about . Like we have boundaries in our marriage around just that . Like I'm not gonna Yell and raise my voice or walk out on you or use the word divorce or swear , like I mean whatever works for your marriage . Like , I think , having boundaries around respect also .
Yeah , very important .
So let's make normalizing , setting boundaries just a part of marriage . The next one is engaging in difficult and awkward Conversations .
Oh , that's a huge one . That's been a game changer for us . Like I mean top , whether it's talking about sex or your sex expectations .
Finances financing .
You have to engage in those hard Conversations . A lot of couples just think all that , you know it's just gonna start an argument or you know we'll just sweep it under the rug if . If you're not engaging in those tough conversations , man , just telling you from past experience , it's , it's gonna create , potentially create , a lot of problems .
You cannot sweep anything under a rug when you're married . Have you learned that ? I've learned , yeah , and I mean , it just feels up early on in our marriage .
I totally did that . I was just like I don't want . I don't want to argue about this . Therefore , I'm just gonna pretend it's not an issue until it comes up the next time it blows up and becomes a major .
Yeah and and I will say that that personality trait of mine probably almost caused us to get divorced because I just I Didn't want to talk about things now aiming . I talk about everything .
We probably talk about too much , but I would rather err on that side than not Talking about things enough , and I think , for me anyways , it was a big fear of talking about those things .
But once I got over that fear and realized how beneficial it was to have these vulnerable conversations and talk about really scary things and see that oh , didn't end up bad , it actually improved things a lot , improve things a lot . Um , I yeah , but it took that .
For sure . I was thinking I was trying to think of a good , like a good example of awkward conversation . Oh , okay , I've got one .
So a couple episodes ago maybe the one where we were going a little back and forth with each other , we were just having a discussion but 10 years ago Nick would have never looked at me and said your libido drive is low , it kind of sucks and let's fix it .
He would never do that , Never , ever ever .
But if you all heard , like a month ago he sat in the car and that was a few months ago , yeah , it was a few months ago , and he's like do you think maybe we should get your levels checked ? Are you feeling , do you have energy ? Because , like , let's fix your sex drive and that's really like forward for you . Oh , no question .
And her reaction was like oh , you just want to have more sex .
I was like no , I truly care , yeah , kind of that's by me no it wasn't more , it was more . I want you to really get that drive back , because you used to have that when you used to have something , and then you lose something . You see the difference , right ?
Yeah , because early on it was like we would be out on date night and Amy's like let's go park the car and make love .
I did .
Like she was , like I did . I had a high drive .
A lot of times initiating with me and pulling me out of my comfort zone , like , oh , let's go park behind the bread company . And then the semi pulls up over .
Okay enough .
My point is is early on in our marriage .
she was very much a higher desire spouse , and so you know obviously what man wouldn't want that to .
But I'm just saying I respect the fact that , even if sometimes you bring up stuff that I'm like , really , or I don't love the conversation or I feel like the finger might be pointed at me in a certain way , I respect that you're willing to have that conversation and it's good for me to sit back and be like , okay , maybe I do need to get help or maybe I
do need to look into this . It is affecting you and if it's affecting him , I love him . I want to fix something that's causing some kind of issue , because that's what marriage is .
So my point in this one is is normalizing , not just engaging in those difficult conversations or awkward conversations , but to also engage in stepping back and letting go of that awkward pride and be like , okay , you're trying to point something out that's affecting you .
We have to normalize , like realizing that maybe we are doing something or could try a little harder or could put a little bit more effort in certain areas , like that's what a good marriage takes is both people accepting that maybe they need to try a little harder .
Yeah , and I really believe , like if it's something that's important to you , it should be important to your spouse , and vice versa , like if something's important to Amy and it has no importance to me because it's important to her , I should pay attention to that Right .
Like if you say , you know , this little thing bothers me , and I'm just like , oh , it's the most ridiculous thing ever . Why would that bother you ? Because it is important to her , or because something bothers her , it should be important to me as well too .
And so I think what you're saying is , like you know , having those conversations , like if you know , if we're talking about those things , if it's important to me or important to you , it should be important to both of us .
Well , that leads us to our next one , which is it's normal to sometimes struggle to maintain the emotional intimacy in your marriage . If your emotional intimacy and your connection is not feeling amazing all the time , that's normal , that is totally normal . Like even me and Nick have really high times and not so high times , I don't think we ever go like low .
But like I mean our intimacy or emotional intimacy in our connection kind of goes up and down like every other relationship .
Like every marriage , it's called life .
It's called life , like every marriage , has to maintain that , and when you feel like it's getting a little less , that's where you're like oh , we need to step it up . Maybe we need to , like we just talked about , get in the shower and have some conversations and less distracted time , or up our date night or up our fun level , like whatever that is right .
Yeah , for sure , and I think I think most couples just I don't want to say most couples , but I think a lot of couples just say oh , that's just the way it is
¶ Maintaining Emotional Intimacy in Marriage
. When you get married , things change , there's nothing you can do . That's just the way it is . Oh , when you get married , intimacy is not going to be good because a ring went on the finger . Or when you get married , this is just what you have kids . This is the way it is .
Everyone makes so many excuses that , oh , that's just what happens when you get married . Well , no , you have to continuously put forth effort and work together , and things can be amazing when you put forth the effort and work together on things .
Yep . So we need to normalize maintaining emotional intimacy . It takes effort all the time , all the time . The next one we need to normalize that having needs met outside , having needs met outside the relationship .
So there are certain things like even though Nick is literally my best friend , I still get other needs met from having my girlfriends or from having my extended family . That's right .
I'm not good at gossiping , so you got to go to your .
Oh gosh , no I'm totally joking . I hope men don't think the other one like that .
No , that was a bad joke . I'm sorry , I'm totally joking .
Is that one of those moments like you say something ?
and you're like yeah , yes , yeah , oops , sorry .
Not all women gossip , many do . I was trying to make a funny joke , but yeah no , there's definitely times where I think that women I hope that most women are not gossiping , especially about their spouse that to us is like a big no , like a big no .
But there's something that women can bring to other women , or like my relationship with my kids , there's just different relationships that do need to be met outside of the marriage . Also , that makes a person healthy and balanced , and so this would more imply to someone that's more controlling .
I don't know , I don't love that word , but there are relationships where a spouse almost doesn't want that other person to have other relationships and that's very toxic .
Yeah , Like for me , I enjoy playing pickleball , but it's not necessarily that I enjoy playing pickleball , but going out and being around people that I know and having fun together . It's more of like the relationships and things like that .
Yeah , but relationships with men and women need relationships with women , but they can't overtake your marriage Like that's . It just has to be a healthy balance . But it is important to have some of your needs met outside of your marriage . That is okay . The next one is that your spouse . We just need to normalize that . We're totally different from each other .
I think we get that .
I think most people get that right and that's okay yeah .
But I think it's more normalizing and like embracing that we're different , Instead of trying to change your spouse or I wish he was more like me , or I wish he had the same goals or the same hobbies Like embracing those differences , like that's what actually makes a marriage stronger is being different .
Yeah , and you bring up a great point . In fact , I think we're gonna do podcasts on this in the future . But it's totally normal to have those differences , your core values , your big things .
you absolutely have to have the same things on Like for example like yeah , whether it's religious beliefs or how you're gonna raise your kids , or maybe even political beliefs , like there's certain big things that you really have to both kind of be in agreement on for your marriage to work .
But we would say that these are little things , like who cares if I like golf and my wife likes pickleball ? Or who cares if we have these little hobbies or different things that we like to do on our own ? Like that's actually very healthy .
As long as the big core values , the big things in life , our goals , are in alignment , it's okay to have those little things be different .
For sure . I think it helps us grow . I always say marriage is like the biggest test that we're put in the test of life . I really think it comes down to marriage , because it's not easy and you're taking a man and a wife who are created . Yeah , we always say we're a lot alike , but we are very , very different too .
Our bodies are different , our sex drives are usually different , our backgrounds are different . Like here we go you put two opposite , usually people together and you're like good luck , enjoy each other and make sure you stay connected and intimate all the time . Like that's hard , like I really think it's one of the biggest tests of life , so like .
It is Well . So we've had a couple of contestants from Married at First Sight really love our app and use our app and share our app on their platforms and so we've seen a couple of those Married at First Sight and things like that .
And what amazes Amy and I is like how much they like okay , they get married but how much these little teeny things that you would think would be very minute . You're so dumb Pretty much just destroy the relationship and it's crazy , Crazy , like just the little differences and also , you know , getting back to what Amy said , like how different we are .
You watch it and you're like these people should be able to get along and thrive , but they're just a disaster or a mess because of just the little things that they just can't get over .
Yeah , you just got to normalize , letting those little things go , yeah for sure . And the last one I have is imperfection . That's big , like in perfection with , like your spouse , like I'm not perfect , he's not perfect , marriage isn't perfect , my kids are perfect , my life's not perfect and society , like I'm just gonna be honest sucks at this .
Now , Like we think that everyone's lives are so perfect . Are we like the grass is always greener , or my husband should be making this much money , or I should be making this much money , or my kids should be accomplishing this , or our marriage should be so great ? Life doesn't work like that . We only have so much control , you know .
And your life and your experiences are gonna be completely different than your neighbors or someone that maybe you're saying I wish I had the life they had . Like we all have different backgrounds and experiences and things and interests and so your life isn't going to be like theirs . Your marriage isn't gonna be like theirs .
Make your marriage what you want it to be together .
And quit trying to make your spouse perfect . Your spouse is just a human being , like you are . I think I have compassion with you because you're pretty close to perfect .
Yeah right , geez that's ridiculous , but I know .
I'm far from perfect too . I can't expect you to be perfect .
I'm not perfect . I don't know what you're talking about .
I'm not perfect , like I , but we just it's okay .
It's okay . That's why I love you .
I don't wanna be married to someone that's perfect .
I think it's because we try to look at each other's positive attributes instead of focusing on the negative . You and I have probably as many things that could bug each other as the average couple does , but I think you and I try to look at the positives that we have in each other rather than the negatives .
I think it's so easy If you wanna look for the negatives in your spouse , you're always gonna find something , and if you're focused on the negatives , you're gonna be focused on that one or two or the three negative things that they have versus the 97 positive things that they have . I believe it's just all a matter of perception .
It's not that we don't have things that maybe bug each other or we don't have things that we could look for that are negative . It's just we choose not to focus on those Because we recognize we are different and we are who we are .
And why am I gonna let some little thing and who's to say it's a negative right , like , just because I think something doesn't mean that's the way it is , right , like I mean , or vice versa ? So I think what I'm saying is , with your spouse , really try to focus on the positive .
Really look at the glass half full versus half empty , and if people can do that , the negatives will become so inconsequential you won't even recognize the negatives at that point .
True Good ending .
I don't know . I just I look at you and I'm like you have so many amazing qualities and so many things Like why would I even wanna like focus on ?
other things . Pick at the little stuff .
Yeah .
I think after 21 years you're just like that is not even worth bringing up . No . That doesn't even matter in the long scheme of things . I think the more mature you get , the more like that doesn't matter , that doesn't matter , I don't care how you do that , I don't care that you do that Like it's just there's such .
I think once you start hitting like real hard things in your life , those little things don't matter .
Yeah , and so like obviously everyone has little things that their spouses do that they're like , oh , I wish they would chase this or I wish they would do that , but at the end of the day , like I said , it's not even worth worrying about . Like it's just like not even worth investing the time or the energy . And like who really cares ?
Like if they do something different than what I would like , if Amy does something a different way than what I would do , like at the end of the day , it doesn't mean someone's right or wrong , it really doesn't matter .
I look at marriage like you bring such a certain aspect and personality to our marriage and I bring a different perspective and aspect to our marriage and I'm appreciative that we're different .
Yeah .
And that we're both not perfect , but we're literally just trying to grow and pass this test together , right , like I feel like that's a beautiful thing is to be able to work together and only not have too high of expectations , but to , I don't know , just growing together .
That's what's beautiful about marriage is we're just humans together trying to have this beautiful life together , and it takes a lot of work and patience .
Well , and rather than trying to convince Amy to do things like I do or a certain way , or vice versa , like I recognize that I have weaknesses and where my weaknesses are Amy's strengths , and so , as we're together as a team and working as one , I can say I'm really weak in this area , but she's really strong in this area and she can help me in that weak
area , and vice versa . I mean , it really is amazing how , if you work together , you can recognize that each other have different strengths and different weaknesses , but as one , you can become very , very strong by bringing together your strengths and your weaknesses .
Yeah , and I think that a lot of couples get held up on that like petty crap that just causes little conflicts , that doesn't need to be halved . Like Nick is like this is just a really dumb example . But the way he cleans up the kitchen , like I just he like he's amazing .
Empty dishwasher sucks at doing dishes though , cause he leaves half of them still in the sink and then he takes a paper towel and he like dabs a few spots on the counter . He just was not taught to clean . Like I'm like deep cleaning not his thing at all . So at first to the marriage , it kind of bugged me .
I'm like why are you wasting another paper towel ? Get a rag and really clean the counter ? There's syrup all over it . I'm the kind of person that's gonna get out the lice all , get out the hot water and the dish soap and I'm gonna scrub that counter down . He's just gonna like tap it with a paper towel . Okay , I mean , that's a really dumb example .
I'm sorry there's things that I do that totally bug him . But the fact is is like okay , he has found what he's really good at and I've been like he's so amazing at doing this .
So on Saturdays I deep clean the kitchen , he goes and out some deeps clean the yard , cause he's amazing at that , and so what we've done is , instead of like nitpicking at those kind of things , like you do something different than I do and I have , believe me , I have friends or slash family members that nitpick at those kind of things and I watch it wreck
their marriage . So I'm like I'm not gonna be bugged . I'm not gonna be bugged by little stuff like that . If I'm better at something and I want it done my way , I'm gonna appreciate that he does this other thing a different way and that he's really good at that .
So we've found our roles , we've found our place , and it's all just about being grateful to things that they do really good at and me knowing that I have certain things that I like done and vice versa , and we just work together as that team . I think we need to normalize working together as a team .
Yeah , agree 100% . So I thought that list was really good about just the things that couples need to start normalizing in their marriage , and I think that's true . I think oftentimes we look at things and say , well , if we aren't like this , then it's wrong . Or if we're doing this , then it's wrong .
And no , you're totally normal just like everyone else and shouldn't be yourself up over it .
Absolutely , absolutely yeah .
Anything to end on Any other thoughts or comments .
No , no , I yeah , we just named it normalize more positivity is really what it comes down to .
I agree . Start looking at things half full versus half empty and just really change your attitude and perception about things and it can change your marriage in a really good way .
Your mindset can change your marriage with that .
Yeah , so we hope you enjoyed the podcast and , I guess , as always , until next time , hope you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship .