S1 Ep2: Prince and Thief

Stupid horse running away. Stupid voice luring me into the forest. Stupid forest with its stupid trees and stupid vines and... Ow! Stupid thorns! This forest is just trees, and trees, and more trees. Ouch! Okay, that's it. Okay, so... If that oak tree with the branches shaped like a skull is the same skull tree on this map... What was that? Hello? Is someone out there? If so, I warn you... I'm armed! Okay. Okay. Calm down. It was...

Probably just my imagination. Just because everyone back home thinks this forest is filled with monsters, that doesn't mean there's actually anything in here worse than... What the heck was that? Oh... Wow, that is one enormous wasp. Seriously, how does... Okay, look. I don't believe in violence, but the last 24 hours have been a particularly exhausting culmination of 17 incredibly frustrating years. So if you want to fight, let's fight! I'm done being Mr. Nice Prince.

oh my gosh did i just defeat my first monster i did i defeated my first monster i am amazing I mean, yeah, it was more bug than monster, but still, this forest better watch out because I am turning out to be quite the natural hero. but in my defense, he totally started it. I really am the biggest nature lover. You can ask anyone back in the West. That hurt. What's that? What's that smell? That's disgusting. It smells like rotting cabbage.

Or Fitzroy's chamber pot. Must be these mushrooms I landed on. Wow, they are foul. And sticky. I am seriously going to need a bath by the end of today. Although, now that I'm getting used to it, I have to say the odor's not bad. I mean, am I crazy? I swear, it smells less like a sewer now and more like a garden of roses. Pomegranates and fresh baked pie. I don't...

I don't know what I was complaining about before. This place is amazing. I wonder if I could build a house down here. Maybe I'll ask those wasps. Wait, where are those wasps? Oh, darling. What? Who put... Who said that? I did. Is that you, my darling? Oh, maybe. I mean, yeah, I could be someone's darling. I'm at the bottom of a pit. Where are you?

I've been waiting for you for so long. Oh, I'm sorry. How do I find you? Just follow my voice, darling. My song will show you the way. Then we'll be together. Forever. Mmm, together. That sounds nice. My cute little pup. I'll hold you and squeeze you and gobble you up. Gobble me up? Metaphorically speaking. Oh, well, that's okay then. Life without love, like a life without food, is empty and barren and terribly crude. But you came along...

to fill up my heart and also my stomach. What? Forget that last part. Hey! I think I see a light up ahead. Is that you, Lady Voice? That's me, darling. Keep walking. You're almost there. Just a few more. Oh, wow. This place is incredible. I've never seen so many flowers. Where am I? Where you've always wanted to be and where you've always been headed. The Garden of Delight. Garden of Delight? Well, that sounds delightful.

But I actually think I was headed somewhere else. Someplace called the... The... You know, I can't actually remember. Why... Why can't I remember? Don't worry about it. In fact, you don't need to worry about anything ever again. Who are you? I'm Flora, of course. The goddess of love. Wow. You are... Really beautiful. I am. And what's your name, darling? Oh, I'm, uh... I'm, uh... Hang on. I know this. I totally know this. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm, I'm, I'm, uh...

I'm Roo-Roo-Roo-Rupert. That's who I am. Rupert. I'm so pleased to meet you, Rupert. Won't you come a little closer? You're still so far away. Oh, sure. Although, I feel like I should let you know, I'm not really looking for anything romantic right now. I just wanted to be upfront about where I'm at emotionally, just so there are no hurt feelings. Shh. All I want to do is soothe your troubled brow and lift the weight of the world from your weary shoulders. Wait, what?

What are those things? Those are my tendrils of love. Don't be frightened. They only want to caress you. Yeah, they're... There's actually... They're still a little constricting. Only because you're struggling. Um, look... Can we take a pause for a moment? You're really nice, but I think...

I think I need some fresh air. It's kind of hard to think down here. It's the smell. It's just there's something about it. Full of love? Yeah, no, no, no. It's just too sweet. I can't focus. You'll feel better soon, I promise. Just come a little closer.

No, Tony's not right. I should go. But darling, no one ever leaves the Garden of Delight. Please, tell your tendrils to let go of... I'm afraid I can't do that. Yes, you can. Now let go of me. Stop fighting me, human. I told you, no one ever leaves the Garden of Delight. Now come closer! What are you? You're not a goddess! No, I am a very hungry plant. And it's been ages since I've had a meal as big and scrumptious as you. No! Let me go, please! Somebody help me! Help!

Monster! My eye! Who are you? Head back the way you came. You'll find a rope you can climb to the surface. I'm going to take care of this overgrown flytrap. Now go! I'm going to tear you limb from limb, filthy, stinking human! Funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you.

That was... That was intense. What was that thing? I don't know what they're called, but the forest is full of them. Wow. I'm really glad you came along. Thank you for rescuing me. And for being so beautiful.

What? Brave. Thank you for being so brave. Not beautiful. Wow, sorry. That was weird. I don't know why I said that. I think some of those toxins must still be messing with my head, you know? Making me say crazy things. I don't think you're beautiful. Not that you're ugly. I mean, obviously you're not ugly. I just mean if I had to...

choose you know if you put a sword to my head and said am I attractive or ugly pick one obviously I'd have to say you're attractive because objectively that's a fact but it's not so you're so attractive I can't stop looking at you you know what I mean am I talking about I feel like I'm talking a lot you are yeah so anyway what I meant to say was

Thank you. Thank you for saving my life. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come along. Then it's a good thing I've been following you. What? You've been following me? For the last hour. Ah. I thought someone was watching me! Wait, why were you following me? Also, what's with the lasso? I have some questions!

And since I don't know or trust you, I feel like you'll be more inclined to answer them if I tie you up and dangle you from a tree. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Wait, what? Hey, no! Let me down from here. I thought we were friends. This is so not necessary. Now then, who are you and what are you doing in this forest? Me? No one. I'm no one at all. I'm literally just passing through. Your clothes are filthy, but... Clearly Western, and your sword is engraved with royal insignia.

Do you work for the royal family? What? No, no, no, no, definitely not. I definitely don't work for the royal family. So you're alone then? No one from the royal family is with you? Yeah, no, yeah, no, I'm totally alone. No royal family, I swear. Sorry. Can't be too careful, especially not in this forest. Yeah, no, no, no, I completely understand. My name is Amir, Prince of the East, no doubt you've heard of me. Um, not really. I'm the son of Queen Atosa.

Heir to the Golden Throne. Defender of the Burnished Realm. Sorry. Hero of the Unstained Blade. Protector of the Sacred Flame. Champion of the Eternal Truth. Wait, what was that last one? Champion of the eternal truth. Champion of the... Yeah, no. Really? Yeah. Sorry, we don't really get much news about you guys in the West. We weren't even sure there was anyone left in the East, to be totally honest. We thought maybe the forest had finished you off.

Oh. But it's so great to meet you. I've never met anyone from the East before, and now that I have, I'm like... Whoa, you people are awesome. I don't know why we ever went to war with you. So can you maybe like let me down now? You haven't told me who you are or what you're really doing in this forest. Me? Uh, my name. Is... Fitz Roy. Fitz Roy? Yeah, Fitz Roy. But everyone calls me Fitz. Not that I know many people, because I live here. By myself, just...

Totally alone. You live in the Forbidden Forest? Yeah. I'm on the run, you see, from the royal family of the West, whom we both hate. Why are you on the run? That is a great question. I am on the run. Because I'm a thief. A thief? Yeah. Uh-huh. I'm a thief. I mean, how do you think I got that sword? I mean, not to brag, but I'm basically the greatest thief in all the West. Great.

Just what I need. A vagabond with no concept of honor. Oh well. The forest can deal with you. Wait. What? Wait, where are you going? You can't leave me like this. I also can't have a confessed criminal running around this forest. No, wait, you don't understand. When I said thief, I meant more like a Robin Hood situation. You know, steal from the rich, give to the poor. That's why the royal family hates me.

I'm too good. I mean, where I'm from, I'm like basically a hero. A hero? In the loosest sense of the word. How long have you lived in this forest? Uh, years? Well, like, forever. And yet, you nearly got eaten by a talking plant less than ten minutes ago because you wandered blindly into her lair. Yes. But...

That's the first time something like that has ever happened to me in all the many years I've lived here. So in terms of navigating the dangers of this forest, that's actually a point in my favor. Hmm. Oh, no, not the sword again. Thanks, but next time, give a guy a little warning before you cut him down. I'll make you a deal, thief. Well, you can call me Fitz. My first night in the forest, my horse got spooked and ran off with my map.

Since then, I'm afraid I've been... Completely lost? ...in need of directions. Ah. If you can take me where I need to go, I promise I'll spare your life and set you free when my quest is over. Uh, sure. Okay. Yeah, where do you want to go? The Hollow of the Kings. The Hollow? You know it? Uh, yeah, of course, but...

Why do you want to go there? That's none of your business. All you need to know is that it's imperative I get to the Hollow as soon as possible. Now, do we have a deal, or should I get my rope? No, I mean, yes, yes. I'd love to take you to the Hollow. Good. Then it's a deal. Absolutely. Shake on it? A prince? Shake hands with a thief? Okay. Or not. Not shaking also works. Good. Let's get started. Now that you work for me, you'll carry my things. Oh.

Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay, no problem, buddy. Don't call me buddy. Okay, no problem, boss. Your Royal Highness is fine. Got it. Also, from now on, please only speak when spoken to. You talk a lot, and it's giving me a headache. Oh. Really? I mean, it's just that we could be walking for a while and not talking is going to make it kind of hard for us to get to know each other. Exactly. Oh. Also, how many rules do you have?

If I find out you're lying to me about anything, I'll feed you to the nearest plant. Got it? Got it. Great. Well, then what are you waiting for? Lead me to the hollow. The Two Princes was created and written by Kevin Christopher Snipes and directed by Mimi O'Donnell, with performances by Noah Galvin, Laura Benanti, and Ariel Stachel. Executive producer, Mimi O'Donnell. Senior producer, Katie Pastore. Producer, Ana Maria Sofilas. Associate producer, M.R. Daniel.

Edited and mixed by Matthew Boll. Sound design by Daniel Brunel. Score by Greg Laswell and Bobby Lord. The Two Princes is a production of Gimlet Media.