S1 Ep1: Once Upon a Time

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What's going on out here? God, report. We apprehended a thief breaking into the Queen's private vault, Captain. We think it may be a spy from the Kingdom of the East. A thief? Where is he now? He slipped away, wiry little bugger. But don't worry. We'll catch him. See that he doesn't make it out of the castle. I'll notify the queen. There's one more thing, sir. We think he has the forbidden book. What? Are you sure? Don't worry. We'll get it back.

We'd better. If we don't, the Queen will have all our heads. Hurry! Forgive the intrusion, your majesty, but this is the fiend we captured trying to steal the forbidden book. Kneel before the queen, thief. Well, a villain. You led my knights on quite the chase. Take off that cloak and uncover your face!

Oh, you are in big trouble this time, mister. Ow, ow! Mom, easy! On the ear, you're gonna pull it off! You'll be lucky to have any ears when I'm through with you. How dare you embarrass me like that! I'm sorry, okay? I know the forbidden book is... well... forbidden but I have a thousand questions about the forest and no one will talk to me about it and that book has answers maybe no one will talk to you about the forest because there's nothing worth talking about

Of course there is. It's taking over our kingdom. That's a lie. Mom. The forest is not dead. taking over our kingdom. There are trees and vines literally everywhere. You can't cross the street without tripping over them. The crops are failing in our fields, and all the animals we hunt for food have been driven from the land.

Our kingdom is being squeezed to death and no one is doing anything. Can we please drop this distasteful subject? From what I've been able to piece together from gossip and legends, all our troubles began a thousand years ago when the two kings challenged each other in the hollow. That's where the curse began. Maybe if we go there... No one is setting foot in that hollow. Uh, okay.

Besides, even if there was a problem with the forest, which there isn't, it's hardly your responsibility. You're a child! Stop that! Stop what? Dismissing me! Rupert! You're such an ungrateful child. Ungrateful? Yes, ungrateful. We have our wonderful life. We live in a gorgeous castle. We throw marvelous parties. And up until recently, the people have been moderately fond of us.

Why spoil it all by looking for trouble? Because our kingdom is on the verge of collapse. Oh, my poor boy. You have so much to learn about how to rule. But lesson number one is really very simple. Life can be perfect, as long as you don't look too close. That sounds criminally incompetent. Well, how about this for a lesson? You're grounded.

Let me out of here! You can't lock me in my room for the rest of my life! You're welcome to try and climb out of your window and scale down the tower again, but I'll warn you... I've had fresh crocodiles installed in the moat, and I have been much too busy to feed them, so I really wouldn't press your luck. Kisses! Hey, Fitzroy. Looks like we're grounded. Again. You're right. I can't let her get me down. I'm just so tired of her treating me like a child.

You know, if my dad were still here, there is no way she'd get away with this. He would take me seriously. He would listen when I tell him we have to do something about the forest. Actually, no, I take that back. If my dad were alive, he would have stopped the forest years ago before it ever became a problem in the first place. Everything would be different. Mom wouldn't be driving me crazy, our kingdom wouldn't be in danger, and I wouldn't be... Yeah. Alone.

I don't know what to do about the prince. Yes, your majesty. He's always been inquisitive, but these last few months, ever since the forest has grown more aggressive, he's become downright impossible. Yes, Your Majesty. I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep up this charade. I mean, the Prince has eyes. He can see how much trouble we're in. Everyone can. Or if they don't, they will soon enough.

And the second I let on that I've completely lost control of the situation, the second I stop smiling and start screaming, run for your lives, this kingdom is over. It will collapse into chaos and pandemonium. And that will be the end of everything. Yes, Your Majesty. Oh, is that all you have to say? Yes, Your Majesty. Yes, Your Majesty. You're my Lord Chamberlain. You're supposed to advise me. Well, old man, advise me.

With all due respect, your eminence, perhaps it's time the prince was told the truth. The truth? What do you mean, the truth? About the forest and the prophecy. Not! A chance. My goodness. I have protected Rupert from the truth for almost 18 years, and I'll protect him for the next 1800, if that's what it takes. Is that clear? Painfully your ambidextrousness. Good. And while we're on the subject, you can take this book and burn it immediately. burning the forbidden book.

won't extinguish the prophecy or the prince's curiosity, your majesty. Just as filling up your son's days with tea parties and ribbon cuttings won't keep him or the kingdom distracted forever. No, you're right. I've been far too small scale in my thinking. Oh, Chamberlain, you're a genius. Yes, I understand. Goodnight, boy. Sleep tight. What was that? Hello? Hello? Is someone there? Fitzroy? Did you hear that? Fitzroy? Okay, who's there? This isn't funny. If someone's there...

You need to show yourself right now. Come to me. Hello? Is someone out there? What do you want from me? Woo! Good dear, you're awake. Do get off the floor. You're not a dog. Shoo! Fitzroy, don't be naughty. Our mommy will have you stuffed. I had the weirdest dream last night. There was this voice and... Now stop talking. Your mummy has the most wonderful news. I was thinking about what you said last night and I realize...

You're absolutely right. It is time I stopped treating you like a child and allowed you to become the great prince that I know you're destined to be. Wait, for real? You actually mean that? I do, sweetie. You're going to let me go to the forest? What? Oh, no. No. Sorry, I should have been more clear. You're not stepping foot!

In that forest. Now, I was thinking, since you're turning 18, wouldn't it be something if I threw you a great, big, once-in-a-lifetime... Party. Wedding! What? I know! Genius! People love a royal wedding. They laugh, they cry, they eat too much cake. I know what you're doing. I am not getting married just because you want a distraction. Well, obviously not silly.

You're getting married for love. I'm not in love. Oh, sweetie, is that what you're worried about? Don't you give it a second thought. Mummy's taking care of everything. Wait. What does that mean? Yes, come in. What? No, get out. I'm in my pajamas. Rupert, hush. Lord Chamberlain, have you finished the proclamation? Yes, Your Majesty. Would you like to hear it? If you would be so good.

To all the eligible ladies of the kingdom, are you tired of being unmarried and unwanted? Do you crave meaning in your otherwise meaningless existence? Then bring your dancing shoes and an itemized dowry to Her Majesty's royal ball where you can win the chance to marry His Royal Highness Prince...

Rupert I. What? That's right. At the conclusion of tonight's royal ball, the prince will pluck one lucky lady from a life of obscurity and mediocrity by joining with her in holy matrimony. Drawbridge opens promptly at 8pm. Perfection. Send it out immediately. Yes, Your Majesty. No, wait, don't go. Call him back. Mom, call him back right now.

Don't be silly, dear. The Chamberlain's a very busy man, and between you and me, I do not pay him enough for what I put him through. Now, let's figure out what you're going to wear to the ball. I know this is a rather bold suggestion, but I'm thinking ruffles. Mom, enough! No! I'm sorry, Mom, but no!

I don't care what scheme you've concocted or how much of a distraction you need. I'm not tying the knot with a complete stranger just because you can't face the reality of what's happening to our kingdom. I refuse to be a part of this insanity any longer. Do you understand? This is me, Prince Rupert I, putting my foot down. I am not getting married, and I will go to the forest and break the curse. And there is nothing you or anyone else can do to stop me.

Oh, Rupert. I'm so sorry. I know how ridiculous I must seem to you, but you must believe me, I only want what's best for you. I know, Mom. There's nothing I wouldn't do to protect you. Nothing. You have to believe that. I do. Of course I do. Good. I knew you'd understand.

Guards! Wait, what, what, what, what are you doing? Escort Prince Rupert to the royal ballroom and tie him to his throne. What? Come this way, your highness. No, hey, hey, hey, hey, get your hands off of me. I'll see you at the ball, sweetie. You can't tie me up for the rest of the day. What if I go to the bathroom? Just hold it, dear. Hold it. For love.

The Lady Verbena. The Lady Gwendolyn. The Lady Dorcas. Do try to smile, dear. No girl wants a sourpuss for a husband. Maybe I'd feel like smiling if these ropes weren't cutting off my circulation. The Lady Cecily. OMG! Your Highness, it is so great to finally meet you. I am fangirling so hard right now. I'm like obsessed with you. The pleasure is all mine. Can I just say I love your outfit?

The whole pajamas and bondage motif is, like, so brave. Lady Cecily, why don't you tell the prince about that extremely interesting book you were reading the other day? Book? What book? The book, dear. The one we... Disgust? Oh, right! The book. Wink, wink. Okay, so the other day I was totally reading this amazing book all about wagons. Dragons. Dragons. I'm just obsessed with dragons. I love reading about them and talking about them and sharing my life with a certain...

prince who also has a fondness for smelly, fire-breathing monsters. Well, do you hear that, Rupert? Lady Cecily likes books and dragons, two of your favorite things. I mean, what are the odds? What was the name? Of the book? Oh, Rupert, don't badger. Check question. Books don't have titles. Wow. Okay, Lady Cecily, thanks for stopping by. Do feel free to enjoy the rest of the party. You didn't really think that was going to work, did you?

Honestly, I thought the odds were 50-50. Now, if you'll excuse me, Lady Marjorie just arrived. I need to go say something devastating about her outfit. Don't fall in love without me. This night is never going to end. Unfortunately not, Your Highness. Sorry, Lord Chamberlain. I didn't realize you were still here. Quite all right. I often forget I'm here myself. Yeah, well... You know, you may find this hard to believe, but I was in a similar situation when I was your age. Oh, really?

Your mother tied you to a throne in your pajamas, then paraded you in front of every girl in the kingdom like a prized pig at a county fair? I meant I, too, was once expected to marry. And it brought great shame. upon my family when I refuse. Okay, look, you don't have to lay on the guilt about me doing my princely duty. Mom's got that covered. On the contrary, Your Highness.

While the decision not to marry was indeed difficult, I've always stood by my choice, despite what it may have cost me over the years. Oh. Really? Really, Your Highness. So... You never fell in love with anyone? Oh, goodness, yes. I fell in love many times. Then why didn't you get married? Because the kingdom was not quite ready for such a marriage. I don't understand. I think your royal highness does. Uh, no, actually, I don't. I don't. I mean, I don't want to get married because I'm 17.

I mean, whatever you choose to do in your personal life is up to you. I'm not judging, but I'm not, I mean, you shouldn't assume. No, of course, behind us. Forgive me if I misspoke. Shall I fetch your mother? We still have quite the assortment of eligible ladies waiting to woo you. What was that?

Now here, take this. What is this? A map. It will take you straight to the Hollow, but you must leave immediately. Here, take my sword. No, I can't just leave you all in the middle of a battle. You must. The real battle, the battle that will decide the fate of everyone in this kingdom, can only be fought in the Hollow, and only you can fight it. What do you mean? There is a prophecy your mother has kept hidden from you.

If you want to break the curse, you must get to the Hollow. And once you are there, you must... Look after the chandelier! Chamberlain! Chamberlain! Chamberlain! Templin, are you alright? Can you hear me? Go! To the hollow!

Too optimistic, but I swear this vegetation is getting easier to fight. The vines barely seem to be putting a struggle. It's almost like they've given up. You're right. Look, the vines are crawling back. They're retreating. This doesn't make any sense. Why would the forest retreat, especially when it was on the verge of crushing us? I'd hardly say it was crushing us. Excuse me, your majesty. I think I speak on behalf of everyone here when I say, what the heck was that?

What happened to me? She is right, Your Majesty. I've never seen the forest as bold as it was tonight. It was cunning and ferocious and deliberate. This wasn't some random infestation. This was an attack. Yes, all right, settle down. Did we have a trying night? Of course. Did a few people almost die? Sure. But isn't that the hallmark of a truly memorable party?

I tell you, the forest was after something. And I don't think it would have retreated unless it got exactly what it wanted. And what, pray tell, would a forest want, Sir Percy? What in your expert opinion? Do you think those trees managed to achieve... Look around. The sun's about to rise. The castle is still standing. And here we are, all of us, ready to face the dawn. Nothing. And I mean absolutely nothing has changed. Isn't that right, Rupert? Rupert? Rupert? Rupert!

Come on, Euripides. Faster, boy. We're almost there. Just over this hill. Keep going. Look. Euripides, there it is. The entrance to the forest. We made it, boy. We did it. We... Whoa! Whoa, boy! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh! Euripides! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Come back! Alright. Not a problem. So it'll just take me a little longer to get to the hollow. So what? I've got two legs and a sword and this map. I can do this.

I am just going to march into an enchanted forest and do battle with an unknown evil that's been terrorizing my kingdom for years. What could possibly go wrong? All right, Forest. You want me? Here I come. The Two Princes was created and written by Kevin Christopher Snipes and directed by Mimi O'Donnell. with performances by Alfredo Narciso, Matthew Rhys, Christine Baranski, Noah Galvin, Sean Pertwee, and Mandy Mazden.

Executive producer, Mimi O'Donnell. Senior producer, Katie Pastore. Producer, Ana Maria Sofilas. Associate producer, M.R. Daniel. Edited and mixed. by Matthew Boll, sound design by Daniel Brunel, score by Greg Glaswell and Bobby Lord. The Two Princes is a production of Gimrit Media.