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Did you know that within you is the most powerful force that has ever existed? The challenge is that we have forgotten who we really are. My mission is to awaken you to understand that what you believe on a subconscious level creates everything in your life and in the world. Energy, thoughts, feelings, patterns, all of it is created by our beliefs. And our experiences can be positive or negative. Life doesn't just happen to or for you, it happens from you. Join me on the journey to discover what the eternal truth is within you, that sets you free at the deepest level possible. It all starts now.
Hello, and welcome to this week's Truth method podcast, we are going to talk about the trap of criticism. I know that there are you listening to me on this podcast that have been in situations where you are criticized constantly. It could be work, it could be in a partnership, it could be it with your family, whatever. Or what if you have a belief that causes you to criticize other people? I used to be that person, I experienced criticism, and I was the queen of it. But when it happened to me, I would go, why is that happening to me? And it wasn't until I had awareness that I was doing it to other people. It doesn't have to be verbal criticism, it could be a thought you could be very nice to someone to their face, and you have a critical thought of them. And let's not forget that your thoughts are powerful. Three is a law of thought wave transmission. When they go out, that person will feel it even though they may not be able to cognitively know what they're experiencing, they'll feel something is off in the relationship with you. And this is a multi-layered conversation because it also involves masculine and feminine aspects of being a woman can produce at will more testosterone or estrogen. If a woman is going into a work situation and needs more focus, she doesn't even have to think about it's not like we go around going testosterone activate, it's not like that at all, we'll just think of focus and we'll shift, it's a natural quality and more testosterone is produced in our body, just like that, or we can be more estrogen, a man is a bit more linear, he will go through stages of life to where he has more testosterone or estrogen in its depending.
So I'm going to use the terms masculine and feminine. But it really has to do more with testosterone and estrogen, and how those hormonal chemicals within our body cause us to react a certain way to criticism out of a lack of understanding. We will criticize people for their masculine, not think it's a big deal. As women, we will criticize people who are masculine, and will expect them to respond to us immediately and react to our criticism by shifting their behavior or what they're doing. That is hardly ever the case. Vice versa. Men mistakenly will criticize or someone operating in the masculine will criticize someone operating in the feminine and think that it's no big deal. You're just being efficient, there's a better way to do it. You care about the person, you really do. So you're telling them how to be more efficient. They don't realize that it is beginning to crush the soul of the person they are criticizing.
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When a woman or someone operating in their feminine is constantly criticized, they start to experience a lack of feeling safe in the presence of that person. The feminine will withdraw from criticism because they're not experiencing safety to be who they really are. And if we do not experience safety, we back away. This could even eliminate intimacy. A lot of marriages have experienced a lack of intimacy as the marriage progresses in the years. One thing to look at Is, is there criticism present between either of you, one receiver and one doing it? Right? If there is, that could be one of the main root causes for lack of connection, and lack of intimacy. Neither the masculine or the feminine really likes criticism. But we're going to talk about how it is processed. And with the feminine when she starts to experience the lack of safety or when someone is identifying as feminine. So a feminine woman when constantly criticized, going into a lack of safety, withdrawing closes off her heart, to the person doing the criticizing, it is felt at the core of her being that there is a strong pool, to protect that thin feminine aspect within her being. Someone identifying as masculine will just pull away and start to tune out the criticism if they don't agree with it, they'll just tune it out, as if you never said it. So how is that effective, it's not really, or they'll begin to experience being crushed and not understood.
Either way, criticism is destructive in relationships, whether professional or personal, it does not matter. it stifles the growth in the soul, and there really isn't a need for it. Because when we become emotionally intelligent, we can use words to honor the other person, we can create agreements to where we both or we all even if it's more than one person, maybe it's a team feel inexperienced being understood. This takes a higher level of emotional intelligence. At the end of the podcast, I will share with you some quick tips on what to do instead of criticizing. But first, let's chat about the masculine and feminine, I want to give credit where credit is due. And I studied under Allison Armstrong years ago. She's one of the foremost leaders in teachings about the understanding of the masculine and feminine aspects of our being, biologically speaking, either the masculine or feminine, can operate, as we said, under that testosterone or estrogen and instinct kicks in. And it kicks in differently depending on whether there is more testosterone present in the person or estrogen. And so we're not really dealing with gender identification, we're dealing with hormones, and what's actually happening in the being of that person. This is a brief breakdown of what I discovered in her mentorship, and I consider it really valuable. She's an amazing teacher and mentor.
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Let's go with the feminine first. I know as a woman, I identify in feminine, right, I operate in more of a feminine energy. There was a time in my life every day where I met women who, you know, are walking around more in masculine. But for me, I used to be that and then I shifted, I think it was some it was probably around the age of 40. I was really tired. And realize my natural state of being is more of a feminine state of being very strong. That has nothing to do with strength, both masculine and feminine are strong in their own ways. But when a woman or someone identifying as feminine, is criticized, there is no defense against the criticism. What that means is that criticism shoots straight to their heart. It's like an arrow piercing their heart. It could even be constructive criticism. You know, someone who cares. That's just trying to help. Oh, I see a better way to do it. I understand that. But it shoots straight to her heart or the person's heart that is identifying in a feminine way. Remember I said this is more about the hormone levels operating within the person. It doesn't matter if we have no respect for you, if you criticize us, it's going to go straight there. It doesn't matter. It could be someone that isn't even trained in the field that we are trained in.
They criticize, it hits our heart and now we have to deal with it. 99 people could compliment her or the person identifying in the feminine and One criticize, and the one that criticizes will be the one that is paid attention to. And here's the reason why go back to tribal days where tribes will get raided. I mean, we even have that going on, unfortunately, in the world today. And someone identifying in the feminine or a woman, or someone identifying in that notice is the one person that could have the spear that could kill them. The 99 people that complimented you, they're not a threat, the one person is, this goes back to instinct. And it only one takes one person with a spirit to be a threat. It doesn't matter if this person is your partner, professional acquaintance, family member or friend, it doesn't matter. The fighting instinct within her matters. And what happens is defenses go up, hearts start to shut down, disconnect to the person criticizing, pulling away. And with on going criticizing it will destroy a relationship.
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The only way that she will be able to handle it or the person identifying as feminine is to go on this spiritual journey of her soul's evolution or their soul's evolution. And really, really gain their power back in the situation. Remove the beliefs that cause the criticism to trigger. And that's a process. And how often do people do that? We all need to do it. Because it's the path to our freedom within ourselves. But until we know how to do it, or know how to do it, we don't do it. And so fighting that instinct, it takes the spiritual illumination in consciousness for the criticism to not pierce through the heart. Can you see how this is putting the person in the feminine in the position of having to defend themselves and close off? She is getting triggered by you. The person identifying as feminine is getting triggered by you. So now you are the trigger. Have you ever heard someone talk about spiritual growth? And they've gone through hell and back and they go, you know, they had a person put them there? And they go, Yeah, but he or she was my teacher? Well, if you have an ongoing relationship with someone, you really don't want that title in that context. It causes the growth through the suffering of receiving the criticism, it's probably time to stop. Because with understanding the criticism isn't worth the damage, it isn't worth the long term relationship falling apart at its core, if we could change one thing, and turn the relationship around. Because we now have an understanding why wouldn't we? So the person being criticized is like, Yep, they're an asshole. But I'm growing.
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I'm trying. I'm working on it. When we're in a work environment, when we're at home, wouldn't it be better if we had someone that had our back, and could allow us to maybe make a mistake? Or would at least say Do you mind if I share how I would do that with you. And then you're welcome to do it whatever way you want to. Because once I'm done sharing, I'm done and I won't even pay attention to what you're doing. And then to the person criticizing, I would ask you, why do you have the need to fix everything? Because what happens there is it collapses, the potentiality of growth in the other people around you. I had a need to fix everything because I had a belief that no one could do it as well as I can. I had this in my real estate business. I had it in an investment company. I've had it in a loan business. No one can do it like I can. And what it ended up doing to me was exhausting me. I always had to be the one to rescue people. I always actually had people depending on me enough first, that fed my ego. And I felt very important because people looked to me and depended on me. But after a few years of that and becoming utterly exhausted, I had to stop. It wasn't sustainable because it is against the law of balance, the law of reciprocity, and I'm looking outside of myself to meet a need of importance that I can only truly find within myself. Soul.
So well, I know if you're the one doing the criticizing, you probably didn't know that this is what happens to the other person if they are identifying as feminine. But let's talk about someone who is criticized for identifying in the masculine, the masculine has a built in defense system against criticism. Think about it this way, the masculine is always looking for efficiency, the quickest way to do something, is it worth the time, energy or effort for the return? If it's not there, and I can put the effort into the problem with criticism for the masculine is it starts to crush the soul of the person that is receiving the criticism. They experience a lack of understanding, as I stated earlier, they experience not being understood. In the natural growth and evolutionary process is stunted energetically, it feels like someone hovering over you every second that you breathe. It's called micromanaging in business. And there is a lot of fear behind it. Fear that if someone on your team messes up, you'll look bad. I understand that if you need to direct someone on your team about how to do something, have a meeting, clarify, verify, and create an agreement. And then you have to let them go out and cover what you have asked for, no paper trail to cover your tail, okay. But you have to let your team go out and potentially make that mistake, so that they can discover and learn. Communication is key. If they keep making the same mistake, there's a different problem. They may not need to remain on your team. Right? So once we are very clear with something, especially if this is a professional situation, we still have to back away. A leader inspires people to grow and gives them the space to do it. Right?
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If it's a personal situation, the defense system for the masculine breaks down in the same way as in the professional. The question the masculine will ask is do I respect the person that is criticizing me? If the answer is no, they don't really care about what you're saying? If it's yes, they will listen. And then they will start to consider if what they're saying is actually true. If no, it's very unfortunate that you think this about me or it's not true. And that's where it stops, it stops right there. If it is true, they'll consider what they need to do to fix the problem is the return worth the time and the energy, see the masculine. It's kind of like this, I don't want to compare the masculine to a cat. But it reminds me of that. And that's just my personal viewpoint, a cat will lie around until it needs to move. And then it will pounce. The masculine would preserve their energy until they need to go to war, or what is the masculine aspect doesn't mean that someone in the feminine cannot do the same things. I'm just saying instinctually. This is the pattern that we've observed doesn't make anything right or wrong. This isn't even a conversation on equality. We can do a podcast on that later. But it is just instinctual that the outcome of the solution is worth the time and the energy it will take to fix if yes, then they're going to think about when they will fix it.
A woman would go immediately, or someone in the feminine, but a man or someone in the masculine will go I'm not so sure about immediate, I'm going to put it into my schedule. And the trick to that is it could be five years from now. They could even think okay, there's a problem, and I need to fix it. But I just do not have it in my bandwidth or capacity to fix it for about five years. And everything could fall apart in that process. Many times if the masculine doesn't really understand why they are being asked to do something. They don't do it. They have to have a full understanding of the benefits. And is it really worth them changing for it? This isn't anything wrong with the masculine, the feminine changes on a dime, just like that. And that has to do with let's go back to tribal times. You know the feminine would have to gather, take care of the kids, take care of the cave. do all of that while the masculine is out hunting. Now we've progressed to where we don't need to hunt in that way we can go to a store.
Now, there's a lot of things that have progressed. But the instinct is still in there. And this is why it is confusing sometimes for people. Maybe someone in the feminine identifies in a masculine way, but there could still be instinctual feminine qualities in there based on the level of estrogen or testosterone operating in that person at the time. So if you criticize her, ask yourself what you believe that causes you to jump in and constantly criticize, because if the masculine is being criticized, they'll shut down, it can be crushing to not be understood by someone who is supposed to love you. Crushing, it degrades the relationship, feminine, they shut down, their heart closes off, this can be professional or personal. And they withdraw and pull away and they're not experiencing safety. Therefore, you will never get the best version of them, you're missing out on a lot. When you don't get the best version of a person. Either on your team or in your personal life, you're missing out on the spark, seeing their spirit rise in the best and highest version of them to be free to express themselves.
That alone is worth stopping criticizing immediately. I know that when I criticize and you can see if this resonates with you, I had a fear of everything going wrong. I almost expected when other people did things that they would mess up. I didn't understand the law of belief that if this is what I'm expecting in the law of assumption, then it would happen. Once I stopped expecting it, it stopped happening. And I was like, Wow, this shit works. You could believe you're the only one that does it right. But we have to step back. Is that a real belief that is embodied in power? Or is it false power? I thought I was the only one that could do it right. But deep down underneath, I had a fear that I might even mess it up. Even though I had a lot of confidence on the outside. So the question is, what do you believe that drives that behavior? Because that behavior does not get the optimal outcome from anyone. I am brave enough to outline the outcomes I desired, either in my personal or professional life, clarifying on the steps in training, if needed, especially professionally there. And then handing the accountability over to them. Or in my personal life, could I ask for what I needed, and then let it go and relax for a moment. I had to train myself to do that. It wasn't a natural thing for me, could I stand in the face of a mistake? And as the person I'm interacting with, you know, what was their thought process? Do they mind if I have their back, and we go through the steps of everything.
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And then next time we can do it a different way? I begin to ask people, my brain just quickly downloaded, like a way to do this. Can I share it with you? Or what do you think? Do you just want go on your own? It was very interesting in my personal relationship. So I started saying this, I would go I have some thoughts on this. Are you good? Or would you like to hear my thoughts? Many times people will go let me hear your thoughts. And then I will go, I was thinking if I were doing this, I would do this, this this in this. What would you do? And they would share what they would not do. Oh, that's cool. And I would just go fine. And walk away. No one wants you up there. But 24/7 I will say I grew up with this. No one wants to be told how to do something constantly. All the time you want to get away from that it repels you. The whole universe conspires to support you and show you the cause of what you believe for the action that is occurring within you. It conspires all you have to do is go what do I believe about this? And focus on that and don't hunt for it in your brain and try to logic In reason it to death, just ask what do I believe? And then let it go, it will come to you in intuition or nudge. And for the person who has been criticized, it's good to ask what do you believe that is allowing that experience to be in your life? And do you criticize yourself?
Because I was able to test this because I was on both sides of the coin. And once I began to ask what I believed, and stopped being so critical of myself, others stopped being critical of me, the energy didn't resonate with them any longer. Some of the same people were critical of me for years, and then I changed my beliefs, and it never happened again, or if it did, I didn't even notice it. We know we are healed from something when we're no longer triggered. And when we're healed, we're in our power. And it's the real deal power. It's not fake power. So let's not exhaust ourselves thinking that we're the only ones that can do something. Let's not do that. Let's also not allow criticism in our life. It starts with you. What do you believe that allows it? And then there are ways to have these conversations with respect. As I get the truth about my values and abilities. People will stop criticizing me. This is the energy of Creation. It's the secret of the light. It is literally physics. If someone even does criticize me after I've received enough truth, I don't even really notice it. Or if I do I giggle at this point. It won't land in my heart. And I'll think okay, there's some ego there. That's fine. I used to be in my ego, even judge them because I knew where I was. It's no big deal to open up the communication. We have to have grace for others, after we have begun to face our own BS. So here's some tips to open up communication. instead of criticizing less, ask for what we need. Set aside some time to chat, you both need to agree on the time. Many times if someone is busy doing something, we can't expect them to stop what they're doing on a dime.
Focus on us for a deep chat, we have to set the time up. It could be now or it could be later. Let's not get offended if it's later. Allison suggests that you say don't worry, there's not a problem. Because really, there really aren't any problems. Once we open up communication. Most everything can be solved, it can be addressed. If both people are coming to the table playing fair, you should be able to solve the problem. So once you set aside the time to chat, express appreciation first, this keeps the conversation from becoming defensive and honors the person you're speaking with. Listen to the other person for me, if I am not being listened to,
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I get more passionate, not exactly angry, but passionate. And people have said oh, you're yelling or you're angry. Not really, I'm just expressing something, and I want to finish it and complete it. So be sure to be in a space to listen thoroughly without interrupting. If you interrupt a lot, then there's another belief in there causing that behavior in someone who has to interrupt all the time is not in their true power. I'm here to help you get into your true power. Because true power is untouchable. It is not fragile, it is not easily offended at all. It is freakin power from creation. I desire to see you there. And then once you say don't worry, you've set aside the time showing appreciation. You can say what would make it even better would be and then ask a good ask example, if you desire to have someone take out the trash. Let's use this as an example. It's an example I've used in the past, my former husband used to forget to take out the trash. It was at the point that I couldn't physically do it. Or I would it became very frustrating for me. And so when I discovered how to ask a good ask, I said hey, do you have a minute? Don't worry, nothing's wrong. Just want to chat with you about something. He said yeah, no problem. I said you know, I really appreciate how you take care of the yard and everything that you do. You guys. Okay, cool. I said, What would make that better? Is if you would take the trash out every Wednesday. And I say, Can you provide that the reason I'm asking you to provide that is when you do that, it causes me to experience being cared for. It causes me to experience being important to you, I feel loved. That's like something, it's an easy win for you. And it causes me to experience feeling loved.
Once he understood that, and I painted a picture for how it would affect me. That was it never had to remind him again, to take out the trash in my former husband, I are friendly, we're on friendly terms, we're not enemies. Now. We just went in different trajectories with our future, but we respected each other in that way. And that's very, very important. And then once you express what you are asking for, and what it will, how it will benefit you, and how happy it will make you or what it will provide for you. Ask, can you do that? Can they provide that? If they say yes, great, you now have an agreement? If they say no go, was there something you need for me to be able to do that? Or can we come up with an agreement that works for both of us. Remember, to people, whether professional or personal working together, you're going to have different viewpoints, your viewpoints are going to run into each other. And we're not entitled to anything we might think we are. But if another person is working for us, we're paying them. Okay, we're asking them to do a job. And they can decide to do that job or not. If they do not do that job, then we release them. That's the cause and effect of it. But every day, they make a choice to do that job. Let's make it pleasant for them. And let's give them an environment where they experience being honored and respected. Let's move this into the personal arena. The person that has agreed to be with you makes a conscious choice every day to stay with you. You're not entitled from anything from them. You really aren't. So everything that they offer you is special. It's a gift, everything. I've had women go oh my god, you know, you asked him to take out the trash. Well, that's the least he can do. Really, he agreed to we had an agreement and he did it. For years I nagged him, it didn't work. I got angry, that didn't work. It wasn't until I showed honor and respect and released the feeling that he had to do it or he needed to do it, or he owed me that he actually felt the space to commit to doing it.
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This is all about energy. And it's all about the human soul feeling the freedom to choose. And if he would have said no, we would have had to work something else out because I couldn't move the trash because his truck was there. Like I just couldn't do it. And by the time his truck was moved, the trash was they had already come and gone. And so we would had to figure something else out maybe the day before and maybe something else it would we would have figured it out. There's always a solution to every problem. My mom used to tell me what to do all the time. And now how I handle it is I joke with her. I go, Oh my gosh, how would I exist this along in my life without you telling me how to do it. At least we create fun with it now. And it actually becomes funny. So make the best of it. But stop criticizing yourself, or others. Because if you're criticizing yourself, most likely you're experiencing criticism in your outside world, as within. So without if you're criticizing people ask why? What do you believe that causes you to do that? Knowing that it is going to crush the other person and ask for what you need. And guess what if it's something at home, I can tell you this as a woman identifying in the feminine. I don't really want your opinion or thoughts on something. Unless I asked you for it. So you're you know, man, you're relieved. You don't have to provide this all the time. It's okay. But if I asked you for your thoughts, then I really want to know your thoughts on something please share it with me and I will decide what to do after everybody is seeking that level of freedom of choice are so longs for it. It's the law of liberty. Criticism by LAITS that too. It just doesn't work. But asking for what you need coming up with solutions, having emotionally intelligent conversations, beautiful. This is all about growth and awakening. So if you are being criticized, let's say you have someone that criticizes you, and you have this conversation and say, I just don't, I don't desire to experience this anymore. So let's come up with an agreement of how we can communicate where I can honor you, and you can honor me, it's going to take the person a minute to stop criticizing, especially if they're in the habit of doing it. I'm asking you to stand in your power. And if they start to criticize, just go, instead of criticizing, can
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you just ask me for what you need? What do you need right now for me, I care enough about you to ask. And that will usually stop the critical conversation and shifted into what it needs to be. But come to an agreement with a person, even someone on your team, come to an agreement with them on how you can communicate. If you're in the position of authority, you're not giving that up, you're actually becoming a leader that is inspiring, the best in them to rise. If it's a personal relationship, understand, you both come to the table as partners, you both can support each other. Be a little gracious, if someone is coming out of criticizing, Be gracious with them, they're growing. If you've been criticizing yourself, and you're trying to stop, Be gracious with yourself, you're growing, this is what growing is, we grow a little bit, we screw up, we grow a little more. It's a continual process. But don't beat yourself up for it. Because if you beat yourself up, you're knocking yourself back three steps, you've taken to a head back three, it's a negative energy pushing you back, stop it, there's no need for it. But as you're coming into a higher level of consciousness, it will take practice. And that's okay. I call criticism, rat poison. Because even constructive criticism, this is a term, I do a lot of business coaching. And this is a term used in business coaching. And I say, I'm gonna just blast through the myth of constructive criticism, you're either training someone, and giving them the steps, and then the freedom to adapt those steps to their personality to their thought process to the way that they learn. As long as your final outcome is what you desire, within a timely manner. That is all that matters, doesn't have to be processed exactly like you do it. This is about growth. You don't want to crush the souls of the people that you're around, you don't. And when I realized this, I stopped it. I lost a few team members before I did, I really did. I had such a high standard of operation. No one else can live up to it. And not even myself, right? I had to take a hard look at myself in the mirror on that one. Communicate intelligently, and then get out of the way. Sometimes we have to make those mistakes to grow and expand. If you share something with someone and they don't do it. Don't be an asshole and say I told you so. Just say, Okay, let's go back over the steps again, especially if this is professional, personal. You can say is there anything you need from me to help fix it, be a team player on both fronts, personal and professional, always ask what they need. We are all walking each other home. If we stop competing against each other, if we stop being so fragile that we believe we have to defend ourselves constantly. Another trick is when you are criticized, see it falling three feet in front of you no longer allow it to go in your heart. This is for my feminine people out there. Because you have to weigh it first before you allow it to go in your heart. Is it worthy of going in your heart? If it's not, don't let it that's how you guard your heart. guarding our heart doesn't mean we harden it and close it off to anything guarding our heart is we pause the energy of that thing going into our heart until we have judged it rightly. Is it supportive? Is it for your growth? The criticism could be true. You know, here's another thing. If I do receive criticism, the first thing I ask is Is this true? I used to not do that. But now I do because I want to grow I desire to grow more than anything else. Is what this person is saying true or not? What do I believe about it? What's the truth? So going on that journey I No, I'm gonna grow. I can be better every day. And being better every day is better than not being better every day, right? It's not about tearing confidence down is actually about building it up. It's all about us growing one step at a time. Be emotionally intelligent, be the change you wish to see and step out of the trap of criticism. I hope you have a beautiful week and I'll talk to you next week.
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Thanks for listening to the truth method podcast. If you liked what you heard, please rate review and share with your friends. And if you haven't already, subscribe to get notifications for new episodes. Check out my YouTube channel where you have access to podcast and other videos. I welcome your feedback. And we are always here to reach out to me directly through trees method.com Thanks for listening