Thieves are more at home in the sewers than rats - podcast episode cover

Thieves are more at home in the sewers than rats

Mar 28, 202511 minSeason 3Ep. 36
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Episode description

As Ralan and Rebecca observe the unfolding invasion and the Thieves' surprising flanking maneuver, back at the Tower, Philos takes command, devising the very strategy they are witnessing: a risky two-pronged defense against the Outlanders.

Some secrets are worth dying for. Some are worth killing for.

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Intimidated that you're dozens of episodes behind and afraid to start listening? Don't be. Here's a handy Listener's Guide that let's you know spots where you can start listening further in the story.

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Interested in the development of the complex story and want to know how writer Jake Kerr puts it together every week? Want an ad-free experience? Subscribe to his Patreon. Love world building? Want ongoing updates? Free members get ongoing story updates with interesting reference material about the guild hierarchy, geography, and history. 

Free Patreon members also receive copies of the first two Thieves Guild ebooks. The next book will be released in 2025 and Patreon members will also receive that book (and all subsequent books!) for free, too. Want to go directly to get your free books? Click here.

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If you would like to view a map of Ness, you can find it here.

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Grab some Thieves Guild merch!
https://store.podcastalchemy.studio

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Check out our other drama podcasts!

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Thursday
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No one can be trusted when nothing is real.
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Jake's Theatre of the Mind
Nebula Award nominee Jake Kerr narrates short stories twice a week. 

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Find out more about writer Jake Kerr: https://www.jakekerr.com
Follow Jake on Bluesky @jakekerr.com

Transcript

The Thieves Guild by Jake Kerr. Episode 136. Thieves are more at home in the sewers than rats. The journey was brisk, but awkward and silent. Raylan had made a few efforts to start a conversation, but each time Rebecca tersely shut him down. He finally gave up after an exchange that made him feel bad. "So you are Pietro's granddaughter? Who are your parents?" Before Rebecca could reply, he remembered her mentioning that she had been to the Thieves

Tower and barreled forward. "Were your parents thieves in Ness or Gautland citizens?" They're dead. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bring up any painful memories." They're not painful. They died when I was little. Oh, okay." And with that awkward close, Raylan decided to just focus on the gentle canter of Callisto and Rebecca's magnificent horse, whom she had named Brownie. They made good time and the ride along the paved road was nothing more than a gentle clip-clop, clip-clop.

Raylan's mind began gravitating to the things that had been bothering him, but he hadn't had much time to ponder. The first was Pietro. Why did he have a cell or a room in Gautland? He clearly had power there, if not power tempered by fear of him. Pietro also wanted to open the trade routes. But the more Raylan thought about Pietro's efforts, the more they fell apart. If he really wanted to open the trade routes, he should have been using politics, not creating some shadowy populous.

His efforts were undoubtedly good. He fed the hungry and took care of the poor, but the more Raylan thought about it, the more he realized his efforts were woefully incomplete. The truly hungry were the people of Gautland who faced starvation if the weather led to a poor harvest. Yet Pietro lived there. What was he doing? And how much did Pietro know anyway?

Rafe had uncovered the history of the Magic Guild and the Thieves Guild in Pietro's own books, books which were mostly purged of the guild's history. Did Pietro do that? And why? The more he thought about Pietro, the more Raylan had become convinced that Pietro's goals were not actually opening the trade route to Gautland. He had bigger plans, but didn't seem to know how to achieve them. But what were those plans? And that led him to Rebecca.

She sat straight and elegant in the saddle not six feet away. A slight sheen of sweat shone on her face as she stared ahead, her face intensely focused on, what? It was in staring at Rebecca that he realized something. She wasn't as old as he thought she was. She was hard, and serious, and dismissive, even regal, and all those things made her seem older. But in the glow of the sun and watching her lithely manage Brownie, he realized she was perhaps even just a few years older than him.

Did she even know Pietro? He was very old and he'd lived in Ness for as long as Raylan could remember. When had he been back to see Rebecca? Did he even spend any time with her at all? And that's when Raylan realized what was driving her. She didn't know anything. Pietro had left her behind or forgotten her in his mysterious mission, whatever it was. She was doing the same thing Raylan was doing, trying to figure out what Pietro was trying to achieve.

Even her earlier questioning of Raylan on this topic touched upon little more than vague terms. She clearly felt that the books were the key to figuring everything out, and perhaps they were. But Raylan couldn't help but think that they were missing something important. He wondered if Alard would have any ideas. Raylan was about to ask Rebecca a blunt question about Pietro's goal in building the Thieves Guild when she held out her right arm and reined Brownie

back. Raylan pulled back on his reins and stopped. "What is it?" We will cross the river here. It is shallow enough. "But the gate is on this side of the river." And so is Wilhelm's forces. I want to avoid the battle, if not the field of corpses. She clucked and pulled Brownie toward the river. Raylan quickly caught up. "But how will we enter the city?" Rebecca looked at Raylan like he was a dumb child. "By the Black Gate, of course. You're the guild master.

I would assume they would let you through." Raylan would have retorted, but he had another answer to one of his ever-increasing number of questions. Rebecca was definitely familiar with Ness and the Thieves Guild. Raylan was familiar with the landscape. He had traveled over these hills several times from the Black Gate. He had learned his lesson earlier and just let Callisto choose the best way. He and Rebecca were making surprisingly good progress when she once

again held up her arm. Raylan pulled up and trotted over to her. "There are forces ahead." Raylan peered toward Ness, the wall now clearly visible in the distance. To their left was the great river, which was wide and fast at this point,... he could see dust and movement near what he assumed was the great gate. "Yes. As you noted, Vilhelm is attacking the city. I doubt he will see much resistance with the Rangers far to the north." Raylan wasn't sure how he felt about that.

He rather liked Vilhelm, despite him attacking Ness and imprisoning him. The Crown of Gautlan seemed earnest and noble, so unlike the guild masters of Ness. "Not there." Rebecca pointed to her left, and then swept her hand to the right. "There." She was right. There was movement and dust swirling near the wall outside the old quarter. "Do you think-" "Do I think the thieves are attacking Vilhelm from behind? Why, yes. Yes, I do." Rebecca had a smile on her face as she said it.

"But the Great River will block them." "They seem to think differently." Rebecca turned to Raylan with a huge smile on her face. "Shall we go find out?" And without even answering, she kicked Brownie in the side and started to canter over the uneven terrain, toward the junction of the plains and the southern side of the Great River, the river Raif called the Dragon's Tear. It was astonishing to Raif.

He couldn't help but marvel at the magical view from the Guild Master terrace on the Black Tower. He could see the Harvest Guild members rushing across the great bridge to meet the Outlanders just inside the great gate. He could also see the smaller but much better-armed force in black rushing out of the black gate and heading along the wall. When Mio had rushed in and shouted that the Outlanders were attacking, Raif had no idea what to do.

He was a librarian, a historian. What did he know about guild defenses? Luckily, Philos took control. Raif had never been able to figure out Philos. He was simply the bodyguard for the Guild Master, but everyone respected him, and no one gave him commands. He was this beacon of stability housed in a body that would have given Alard, or the night deputy guild master, pause. Assistant Guild Master, if I may? Raif waved him to the table where Mio and Raif had sat down.

The exhausted Mio was downing glass after glass of water. Philos remained standing. "The Rangers are overrun, or have moved north. We don't seem to know." He looked at Mio. "We do not. I have my suspicions that they have gone to join the Harvest Guild." "That makes sense. Then we are Ness' only defense." Philos started to pace. "We have enormous numbers of Harvest Guild members who are angry and wanting to defend their homes. I recommend we arm them with whatever we can, clubs,

pitchforks, knives, swords. Hell, give them broomsticks. We send them off to face the Outlanders. Mio, you said the force is mighty, but not overwhelming?" "Yes. The Harvest Guild members we are housing outnumber them easily." "Then let's send them into battle. We will be honest, of course, and tell them that many may die. But we will also tell them that, unlike before, they can defend their homes with no traitors sowing discord." "It will be bloody." "That's not all."

Philos stopped pacing and looked at Raif and Mio. "We'll send all of our guards and Black Knights out the black gate to attack the Outlanders from the rear. We are well-armed and have horsemen. Their leaders will also be in the back. If we hurry, we may be able to crush their will and forces with a quick strike." "But the river is between the black gate and the wall." Raif felt bad that he was bringing up the most obvious flaw in Philos' plan. Philos smiled widely and looked at Mio.

"Do you want to tell him?" Mio nodded. "Let me just say that the saying that 'Thieves are more at home in the sewers than rats' has some truth to it." (dramatic music plays) (bubbles popping) A Podcast Alchemy production.

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