Ep 31 Revisiting Past Conversations: Rewriting Our Trauma with Dr. Brandon Shurn - podcast episode cover

Ep 31 Revisiting Past Conversations: Rewriting Our Trauma with Dr. Brandon Shurn

Oct 25, 202335 minSeason 1Ep. 31
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Episode description

Have you ever stopped to consider how your mental state might be shaping your financial decisions? Join me as I engage in a thought-provoking conversation with Dr. Brandon Schern. A high school dropout turned mental health professional and 2022 FINRA fellow, Brandon’s personal journey through adversity offers a fresh perspective on mental health and financial wellbeing. His passion for empowering others to reshape their narrative around traumatic experiences doesn't only spark conversation, but also paves a path for recovery.

We go beyond the surface, delving into the significant influence our mindset plays in our financial decisions. Brandon remarkably reframes budgeting as a tool, not a punishment, providing a transformative approach to financial wellbeing. We thread through the concept of 'through the darkness', an analogy for facing personal challenges, and how this has shaped him personally and professionally. He broadly illustrates the psychological and physical effects of trauma, yet tenderly brings to light the importance of honest self-evaluation and resilience.

Finally, we dissect the concept of 'creative adjustment', unearthing the implications on our behaviors and how to identify unhelpful patterns. Brandon, with his empathetic approach, emphasizes the importance of seeking help. He reassures listeners that reaching out is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step towards recovery. So, buckle up for this enlightening episode and dare to reshape your narrative. Transform your mindset around finance, face your fears, and become a master of your own resilience.

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Transcript

Rewriting Traumatic Experiences and Financial Anxiety

Speaker 1

Hey there , lovely listeners , today we're taking a trip down memory lane on the Tella Wellness Hip Podcast . I'm your host , marta Hamilton , and we're revisiting a classic episode stilled with what I think is some timeless wisdom and insight that could be really helpful for us to revisit .

So , whether it's a favorite you've missed or a gem worth revisiting , let's dive in together and be inspired . Hi , welcome to another episode of the Tella Wellness Hip Podcast . I'm Marta Hamilton , your host , and today we're going to be talking about rewriting the way we speak about traumatic experiences with Dr Brandon Schern . Dr Brandon Schern is here , welcome .

Speaker 2

Hey , how's it going , Marta ? Thanks for having me . Just please call me Brandon , don't , don't .

Speaker 1

Okay .

Speaker 2

Let's call me Brandon .

Speaker 1

Well , Brandon , I'm really grateful that you're here . You have a really amazing background that I just want to spend a little bit of time talking about . Brandon .

I almost I almost said Dr Brandon Schern again , but Brandon has an amazing background a practice called Empower Me Holistic Counseling , and he is a mental health professional , a counselor educator , holding a doctorate philosophy in counselor education and supervision , and a master of science in clinical mental health counseling .

He is a licensed clinical professional counselor in the state of Maryland and a licensed mental health counselor in Florida , and he's currently also a 2022 FINRA fellow , an accredited financial counselor candidate , working on completing his experience hours to qualify for that designation .

And , along like with all these amazing things that he's doing , in his spare time , he likes to hang out with family , watch movies , exercise and recharge with a good book .

I feel like , just through your background alone , there's so much I want to talk about , but before we dive into that , I want to talk a little bit about why do you do the law and this work that you do ?

Speaker 2

Because it's , it's just in me . It's in me . You know , one of the things that I had always struggled with , the way that I got here to the , to the therapist couch , so to speak , metaphorically is is wavy . You know , I started in law enforcement actually to go oh , wow , to start to go , to go back , to give some more context to your audience .

I started out as a high school dropout and and then you know to be where I'm at . So but in the career paths was , you know , law enforcement and that's why I really got to see people exposed that the , the , the seedier side , the , the darkness of people , and that , the struggles that people deal with and building rapport and all of that stuff .

So I didn't know it because I started in the jail but I didn't know it at the time , but that really made the foundation for me to to have that ear , to build rapport , to connect with people , and so in this space , it's about just empowering folks that you don't , you know you don't .

You might have a , you might have a diagnosis , but you're not that diagnosis Right . So if you have a diagnosis of anxiety , is it your anxiety or did you struggle with anxiety ? And once we rewire the way that we talk about it . We rewire our brain in , in in talking about it , and that's even with trauma as well , which is my specialty .

So , yeah , I got into it because I wanted to empower folks and and it comes . You know , a lot of my own history is with that as well .

That I learned after the fact because I want to have impact and I was trying to find out how can I serve my generation , how can I do it and and this is one of the ways it's , it's just giving back and getting people in a space where they are mentally or they're mentally tough and and able to handle and navigate the challenges of life . So amazing .

Speaker 1

This is why I am loving doing this podcast , honestly , because I , you know , in the path I've gotten to here , colleague , speak maybe in more academic , professional presentations , but when I get to ask that first question , they're like , why do you do this ? And I'm kind of like , wait a minute .

I already want to ask a lot of questions like to let people know and let people in and open that door to you .

Know , I went from high school dropout and , jeff , the way I love the way that you described it , because I often talk about you know , along this journey or our journey is not linear and it's not all peaks and mountains and sunshine and rainbow , there are valleys . So I love the way you describe it with .

It was wavy , wavy to get here and just the impact that is your mission to to empower others , that's incredible . So , yeah , yeah .

Speaker 2

But that bleeds into everything , marta . That that's the reason that I , you know , I'm like okay , how can I make more of an impact as a , as a counselor , in the clinical space ? Okay , let me get another license so that I'm not just , I'm not just stuck in Maryland .

Now , granted , there's a lot of , there's a lot of need in Maryland , there's also need in Florida as well and other areas , and so if I could make my , if I could make myself legally able to do things and and to reach out , then I want to be able to do that , and that's that's really where it's at .

It's , it's a , it's a labor of love and it even bleeds into the , the , the , you know , going into financial counseling and doing that . And I was , I was , so I was when I talked about it . There was a time when I talked about it .

So it's Fenra Foundation Fellowship , so it's , it's a scholar , it's a scholarship , that that that is given out to military spouses , and I was going to ask that was one of my questions like let's talk more about what that is .

Speaker 1

I didn't know , okay .

Speaker 2

Yeah , so it's a , it's a financial foundation and they're about they .

It's all about financial wholeness and it kind of gets into this space of behavioral economics and so the ways that , psychologically , we use money or not use money and how our behavior in our psychology is so associated with that and the purchases that we make or when we make purchases , it's a lot of , it's a lot of stuff underneath it , even even in the sense

of amassing debt and so understanding all of that and so being able to have this whole package for people , so I can , I can walk with you in whatever pain point that you are experiencing , because you know financial hardships is another thing that contributes to mental health , mental health issues , to speak more , to speak more clearly . So , yeah , I'm just .

You know my wife say I do too much and I'm . It's like impact is what I think about it's impact . She's right , though I've learned how to slow down a little bit and what I'm , what , the things that I get my hands involved in . It's really difficult , it's really difficult it .

Speaker 1

It can be really hard to say no , I think , especially when you're mission is to make an impact and clearly you know you've been gifted with the drive , the passion , the education , the I think the driver's a big part the intelligence , of course , all those things , knowing what you've been after , you know and what you've been doing , I think that's amazing and I

I feel like , especially you know you mentioned the right now talking about the financial aspect . Right now , there's a lot of conversation about what the market looks like and there's a lot of anxiety about his career finances . Can I afford this ? What can I not afford ? People are are having to make decisions .

You brought up , you know , get yours , and this is gonna make me . I do definitely want to talk a little bit about more about your expertise in trauma , but I I'm curious to see , just to talk a little bit about how you see that aspect of , because I saw on your website , you , in doing the research for this episode , that you work with anxiety too .

So I'm curious what you see in today's society and today's climate when it comes to some financial uncertainty . I know what , what are some things that you noticed and what kind of recommendations do you have in regards to helping people navigate financial anxiety ? Yeah , yeah .

Speaker 2

So I would say be the very first thing in all honesty , is being honest with yourself

Money Management and Facing Personal Challenges

. If you know that you have a tendency to overspend and you know that maybe you're in in a market meaning you know you're in a career field that could be on the chopping block , or your job could be on the chopping block and downsizes where to happen at your organization , then being smart with the way that you utilize your money is important .

You know we have discretionary spending and that's that ranges the gamut from . You know deciding to go to McDonald's or whatever favorite restaurant that you have to , all the way to the type of vehicle that you buy . Not buying a vehicle , but the type of vehicle that you buy .

Because if you need a vehicle , okay , you can get a good use one , it's , but you want that , that's it . So you want that new vehicle with all the bells and whistles . That's discretionary spending , and you put yourself at an abound , necessarily so , and and so you look at discretionary spending . Where can I cut back ? Then you look at another .

Another space that you can look at is okay , I have these , these variable expenses . I have these things that I'm not sure they fluctuate for month to month . You know utility bills because that's based off of the usage . You know gas , water , electric if you have gas and electric in your house . But can I , can I minimize that ?

All of the other things that you know kind of fluctuates . But then they are fixed expenses and one of the more fixed expenses is your mortgage or your rent . That's pretty stable . So you take all of these , these piles of money that you know you spend , and you begin with the most the obvious stuff , right , how much can I cut back from going out to eat ?

How can I , you know , make it more , make more meals at home ? Right ? Or if I go out to eat , how can I , you know , pick , make it so that I'm picking from you know more , I guess , economical space and I'm spending , so all of those things . But that requires you to look at yourself and say , okay , where's my mindset , what ? What is my ?

You know a lot of we talked about a lot of money mindset and what is my relationship with money ? Right , because some people , some people equate tightening the belt to to almost confining themselves and being in jail or something like that . Finance like a punishment , some , yeah , it's a punishment . So budgeting is a punishment .

But if you budget and you're telling your money where you wanted to go , then honestly , what you're doing is taking control of your money and your money is not controlling you anymore .

Speaker 1

So yeah , no , that makes sense . You're being the leader and , yeah , taking control . Yeah , absolutely no , that makes perfect sense . Well , I think necessary .

I know that you said your wife has mentioned you're doing too much and maybe you're like , maybe I am , but do you see , you know , speaking from experience , as as a therapist , I thought finances come up a lot in sessions and I'm not equipped to be a financial advisor , coach and counselor , and so that makes perfect sense . They come up a lot .

It is very much so interwoven into our everyday life . You mentioned , too , about going through the darkness or later when we're talking yeah we talked to us a little bit more . I saw on your website anxiety for creating depression , of preparing to play , saw a tab that was called through the darkness , and now I know too that you have background .

You said you've seen kind of some darkness too in your line of work and maybe the others . So I just wondering if you can share a little bit about that aspect of your , your life and actually personally so I will say specifically through the darkness .

Speaker 2

It's a personal thing .

Overcoming Trauma and Empowering Others

So by the , by my 17th birthday this has been deliberately set on fire . It had been . I had three guns pointed at my head and I actually been shot and in the shot , the getting shot , you know they , the doctors , had told my parents Prepare to lose your son , and that was yeah , so and you know so I survived that and that gap .

But it wasn't until it wasn't until later on in life that I began to reflect on that and and and so how it informed a lot of the things that I do and the passion that I have . So , going through that darkness , I had to actually reconcile it .

Like you know , a lot of people say you know you come to therapy because you know you had a therapist or whatever . I didn't have a therapist and and that wasn't in no but , but . So I go through that . And then , but it wasn't until I entered because I was figuring out how can I have impact ?

I wanted to have impact and , and so I've been looking at so everything that I did or Position myself to do was always about something bigger than me and giving back and in helping other folks and being a net Positive in the world , and so that was the thing that I was trying to do in law enforcement , and then I wanted to be a lawyer and the same kind

of thing . But then when those didn't pan out , I was like , okay , what else , where else can I be ? And then , you know , I landed on on counseling and I just never looked back . It was off to the races . It was like whoa , like that fit and , and so I just get to blend everything , every life experience .

But it was going through that training that I began to say , wow , okay , you know what ? Yeah , those things were rough and you know how can I use that to to empower others , though , to empower other people . That Necessity , you know , or have experience , you know the , the trauma or traumatic experiences you know , because there's some .

You know there was some anxiety that came with that as well , and there was some depression that came with that and there was some grief that came with that and and so , having to go through all of that darkness , I had to , I had to face it and and and say , okay , it , I cannot control how life happened to me .

I couldn't control any of those three events , but I can't control how I happened to life . So the thing that I do in response to the event and that became my focus and and Empower me . Holistic counseling . Is that the benefit in the , the , the outworking if that Necessity , one incredible .

Speaker 1

I'm first . I'm just really grateful that you shared that .

Speaker 2

Necessity .

Speaker 1

Necessity . What's happening to the ability to , from darkness , be the light ? So it's not just like entering the lights you enter the light and now you are the light for others who are in that darkness .

Speaker 2

Yeah , it's in and that gives that . That's the passion that I have .

I mean drives it , because I know I , at when , when , when I did survive , I knew that at that point that there was something , there was a greater purpose , that I played in this world and I had spent , you know , the better part of you know , probably about 15 years trying to figure it out and that's the and I thought all of those spaces and it was in

this space because I Can . I was like whoa and it fit , and I was like , okay , so I ? This is a place where , you know , people still don't want to see me , just like police officers . No one wants to see a law enforcement officer , right , so no one was to see me . But the only difference is I'm . The goal is to empower folks .

To empower people to say , okay , your life dealt you you , you were dealt something and life happened to you in a way that is stressing and in very , you know , traumatic in that sense , and you can't control that . But you don't have to remain a victim . You can become a victor .

You can rewrite the rest of your lives and and respond to it and take control of it so you , what is rewriting it look like like ?

Speaker 1

how did it look like for yourself ? Or or it looked like for others . Now you know , having gone for you , so you know 15 years You're trying to make sense of it and I and I I appreciate you sharing that too , because I think sometimes we feel like need to Do the ceiling , happy answer , let's transform this .

We're good right now , but sometimes timing is we don't always have Necessity , I mean , meet our expectations right .

Speaker 2

So I'm curious who you , what it looks like and now how you facilitate that or others , yeah , so , so that the event itself that happened , like it happened over 20 years ago , all right , so actually more like 2024 , going on 25 years ago , so like a quarter quarter century ago .

Um , when that , when it hit me , but what I , what I had to do , was I realized that the response , the response that I had to those events , determined the severity of it .

So if I viewed it as oh , you know , oh I'm , you know , I'm weak and I can't , I have no power and I have no control over life , and I continue to look at it from this negative , then yeah , I'm gonna stay in that space and Intensifies , because everything that happens , I'm filtering it through that lens , that filter Necessity , change the filter and I say ,

okay , my perception has changed . Now I Choose , I get to choose , and this is a little . This is some transactional analysis , where I'm not , I'm not Operating from what is called the parent or the the child ego state .

I'm in my adult ego state and I'm taking new experiences , new information , and I'm deciding how to deal with it right here , right now , which blends my , my gestalt , theoretical orientation , right so in the here and now . So I'm dealing with things in a here and now and that was the thing that I had to do with all of those experiences .

I had to pour them into the now and work through there Right

Rewiring the Brain and Supporting Others

. So for every disfigurement that I experienced , it's not the , not the the having a three weapons point-edged at my head that was more of a psychological thing that I had to work through , but the physical scars that I still bear from the other two I had to work with .

I had to work through those things and in the here and now , so that I can , so that I'm no longer bothered by those things , and and then I can comfortably talk about it and share you know with you and with other people .

Speaker 1

So Necessity , because I think that's something you bring it up , being in the talk . Necessity place to me more . But speaking from the plate of healing , go that it might help the one out , someone else who is listening , someone else that you encounter , someone else .

Necessity may facilitate for that , that process also of rewriting , healing and being in the here and now . I am sure I mean this is no easy task . So you talked earlier about being like strong . Yeah , I think the beginning we've been strong since we were meant to be wrong . Like yes , you're not kidding you like physically strong it is .

I Mean to you mentioned about you can rewire your brain and I assume you know I sometimes have described kind of Necessity can rewire your brain , similar to the more we practice a language , we rewire our brains . You think in that way I'm a thing , a lot of process . I'm not a trauma specialist . I should be really clear about that .

So I'm curious about Just how that looks like in terms of rewiring our brain . To look at it differently , what that looks like when it comes to how we speak about traumatic the .

Speaker 2

The biggest thing is Saying understanding , becoming really clear on the idea that the experience happened to you . You were not the experience . So the rewire in the way that you talk about it . So if you , if you experience a you know what , like a trigger or some sort right or you , you lash out and you say , I'm sorry , that's my trauma showing up .

Okay , well , I can't do anything with that , because if it's yours , if I try to help you and take it from you , you're gonna fight me . You're gonna , you're gonna put up a fight because you take personal ownership over it .

But if you , if you re , if you reframe it that's the first part of rewiring the brain and the association with the traumatic experience it's talking about it differently . It's saying I Struggle with .

But if you get , if you have an emotional outburst and you say that's my trauma , the thing to say is I'm still struggling with this effect and identify it whatever it is Necessity .

If you , if you are still struggling with the fact that you were the victim of a Circumstance , then you get really , really clear on what the stain is , because it's it's the stain that we have to address and or , or , if we want to talk clinically , it's the symptoms that we have to address , the things that continue to show up in your life .

So once you , once you are clear with those , then we can say okay , what are what ? Do I have control over ? Necessity , what can I influence ? What can I stop ? Because you can't undo the event and it's getting the brain to understand that the event is done .

Necessity , what's replaying is your memory of the event , and there's a lot , and so there's a lot of regret and there's a lot of doubt . You know how . So let me put it this way you know how , if you've never got into an argument with a person , necessary , necessary , argue with anybody , damn it . But yeah , a lot of line .

But you know , in those arguments , you know how , after the fact , the argument is done , but after the fact you're mulling over and you're like man , nice to say this , and what you are doing is just you're keeping it fresh in your mind , as opposed to saying , okay , no , it's not , it's done .

I said what I needed to say and the thing , but you don't let it . You don't let it leave . You keep it alive . You actually keep blowing the breath of life into it the more you think about it . Necessary , necessary focus on it . So you know it's the same thing .

But the problem with the traumatic experience is not that you're breathing life into it , it's you've never deflated it because you keep avoiding it . And that's the same . And so it's the but it's the fear , right , that fear avoidance .

And so once you turn and face it , that's when it becomes less of a thing , that's when you take the oxygen out of it , because now you're no longer afraid of the stain , you're no longer afraid of and you're trying you're not trying to create a separate pattern of living . You know , some , to be fair , the thing that you do immediately after the trauma .

I call it a creative adjustment . That's a gestalt language , that's some gestalt stuff . It's a creative adjustment . So in the immediate aftermath , if you need to structure your life in such a way so that you can begin to , you know , get some sense of normalcy , that's fine . But it's when it becomes a pattern of behavior that it becomes problematic .

And so the avoiding the street , if you were in a , if you got a T-bone on a particular road , you know in the beginning you're like , okay , I'm not going to drive anymore , I'm more comfortable being a passenger . That's fine in the beginning . But if you say I'm never driving again now , you just created a problem .

Because now you've definitively said I'm gonna stay in this space of victim . I don't trust myself enough to be in a vehicle or operating a vehicle , so I'm going to seed control of operating a vehicle over to whoever is willing to drive . I hope that makes sense , but it's okay , okay .

Speaker 1

Thinking , necessarily . I'm really glad that you mentioned you know you thought you have your life in Florida too . I'm thinking how incredible for people who have gone through darkness and also maybe are not don't know who to speak up to about it . I mean , that's a big thing probably . To even bring it up to the surface is scary , very .

Yes , how nice that someone who is equipped not just professionally but also has navigated through this house , to stand by their side , to feel even stronger when they're facing that fear . You know , you're like I'm strong and I got back up and I know this person's going to help me face this fear . Yeah , that's incredibly empowering .

And I also was wondering what loved ones like I'm thinking about family , friends , parents , you know , just siblings . So if you don't know how to react , they don't want to be a trigger , they want to be supportive . What kind of recommendations do you have for that ?

I know that's kind of a different perspective , right , because it's not the right first say , but I'm curious about that aspect and , just for anyone listening , maybe know someone who's locked or something really tried , and you know we don't want , like , tell people like you need help , right , like necessarily , yeah , I know , support them and navigate them towards

options that they feel like ready , but sometimes that's sometimes what comes up right Like . Read this book , do this , but what can people think is bad ? And effective and lovingly supportive ?

Speaker 2

This is a good one , because it really is , marta , thanks for bringing this up . The main thing that a person who hasn't experienced any even if you have let me just be honest even if you have , it's not your experience , and so like it's not your experience .

So you need to understand that the person that is having the experience in the response to this distressing event , it's not going to be the same way that you were , so it's allowing them to experience .

You don't have to , you know , because a lot of the time , the fear from what I've heard about people is allowing folks to stay in this excuse-making kind of space , and so you try to make them tough enough .

What it signals , though , is , if you don't have the bandwidth to say to sit in here , right , then acknowledge that , but sit in here and listen to the extent that you can . It's not about trying to put yourself in that person's position or view or any of that stuff , and definitely don't try to one up them and say man , I know because I did . That's the .

Please don't do that , because it minimizes the experience that the person has had . Right , and so , just being a willing ear , you don't have to sit in here all of it , just hearing a little bit and being willing to do that . It can go a long way and it's .

And I'm gonna say and this is to no fault of anybody that you know , in my life , when I was growing up and I had those experiences , no one knew how to deal with it , but I was , you know , I don't know any . I don't know in my circle growing up . I don't know anyone that was deliberately set on five . I don't know anyone .

Well , I know some people that were Rob , but I don't know anyone that had three guns pointing at them . It was just like ready , like give me everything you got . And then , you know , there's a few people that I know , but a vast majority of the people at that time , when I had went through that stuff , there was really no one .

I was it , and so I became the poster to help in the sense of how to navigate this stuff . And so it bears , even with , like even my tattoos and stuff , like people ask and they say what does that mean ? That's like , what is it ? And I tell them it's armor . It's armor .

And without getting into the weeds , I'll say it's not , it's an outward expression of an internal realization . So it goes all the way up .

You know it's like breastplate and all of that stuff , but it's because of the things that I've endured and it's to say , you know it's an outward symbol that says , yeah , I've been through some stuff and it sucks , and but I know what it's like to be on the other side of it . So definitely , definitely , don't try to I mean , give people some advice .

Don't try to one up , just be a listening ear . And if it gets to a point where you say you know what I can't take anymore , it takes humility and strength to recognize where you are weak . If that's your fault line , then let that be . But you know that's it . But the more you get comfortable with it , then ask the person hey , how can I support you ?

Simple stuff , simple stuff . How can I support you , instead of trying to tell the person what they need in that moment , how can I support you ?

Speaker 1

Yeah , no , those are really helpful suggestions and necessary to take home messages . Don't try to one up , don't try to relate Cause no , no , no , no . But an ass think ass right . He said .

Speaker 2

Yeah , just ask .

Speaker 1

Listen . Well , it's a can , so that's very helpful . We're gonna talk with people connected .

Speaker 2

I'm on . My Instagram is where I'm doing a lot of Empower Mealistic Counseling stuff . I'm releasing I call them small doses there and then on YouTube I have what I release is called full dose , where I'm giving more explanation to these things , and so I kind of walk through some of this stuff . If you go on YouTube you'll look up Empower Mealistic Counseling .

I have a bunch of videos on what I call doses of empowerment and I talk about the five things you need to know about trauma and kind of go a little more in detail about that stuff and so you know . So any of those places that's where I'm active .

My website is DM Holistic Counseling so you can read more about my specialties and what I offer in that sense . But yeah , that's where I'm at right now .

Speaker 1

Wonderful . I'm gonna check out that YouTube . I'll make sure to cut the leaves in the show notes .

Speaker 2

All right , appreciate it .

Speaker 1

Ease to check that out . Check out the show notes here on the episode listening right now .

Encouragement for Wellness Goals

And yes , brandon , thank you so much for walking , being a part of this wellness journey with us and Awesome . Just before we end for you , it would be , for those who are working on setting wellness goals or actively working towards their goals that they have for themselves . What words of encouragement do ?

Speaker 2

you offer them . It takes strength to know that you need help and to acknowledge it . A lot of times we , you know , we have this idea that we have to go it alone . In order to be strong , we have to be able to , you know , go through . And people say , well , you went through and you didn't cause . I didn't get counseling when I was young , and .

But the problem is that's not , that's not a bragging right to me , that's not a bragging right Like I did it without counseling . No , I wish somebody would have put me in and talked to somebody . I probably would have healed a lot faster . But I did it . But when , when I , when it became clear to me , I said , oh okay , this is what I need .

And then I said , okay , I know now and it . So it takes strength to to know where your limitations are and then to reach out for help .

Speaker 1

Thank you so much . I'm Sonya Ferging and again , thank you for watching this while I was stirring with us . Don't hang , don't hang .

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