¶ Ted Lasso Talk
Welcome to our Ted Lasso talk , the Tedcast . Welcome all Greyhound fans , welcome all you sinners from the dog track and all the AFC Richmond fans around the world . It's the Lasso way around these parts with Coach , coach and Boss , without further ado , coach Castleton .
Okay , welcome back everybody . Today we're doing part two of Wayne , chapter four . Find something black to wear . I am your host , coach Castleton . With me , as always , is Coach Bishop , you like Molle ?
You like .
Molle . That's very suggestive Coach , and with us is our boss , Emily Chambers .
And actually I do enjoy Molle , although it's difficult to pull off . And whenever they make it on Top Chef , I'm like you can't put that many ingredients into one dish like streamline folks . Streamline you can't . If you need to figure out how to work in cocoa powder , chicken spice , cinnamon , salt and like it's too much .
This is not a dish to be made on the fly . Please don't try to .
I'm glad you said that you know , speaking as someone who is the mouthpiece for everyone with ADHD , I remember when I was learning to cook and I think I'm a very average , if not sub par cook chef and my family will tell you people it's funny . They'll tell you I'm a very good . Some people would say I might sound like a certain politician .
I mean , lots of people will say I'm amazing at cooking but it's really not true . It's just like I think people don't eat like that much . I don't know whatever I can cook , like four or five things really , really , really well , like I know them really well .
But I remember as an ADHD person , when you talk about all those ingredients you would see it on a printed list and it would be like completely overwhelming to me . And then you had the advent of the video recipe thing and they would have all of the ingredients in ramekins and different things and the visual distinction between is that coach is coach .
No one can see your whole body nodding I was going to let you finish your point , but absolutely 100% . Thank God for video recipes , right Like oh my God so much of a difference . Yeah , yeah , I don't have to read the same one sentence piece of instruction five times , but it's thank you to whoever thought to do this .
Yes , it's a huge thing and you can see it and you go okay , this , oh , you sprinkle this one or no , you put this to the side and you fold it in or whatever it is . You're not getting that same thing , especially if you're a visual processor . It's very difficult .
So I'm glad you said that , boss , and I don't know if I've ever had mole , but I assume probably not , because it has what you mark and spice . Right , it has . Yeah no , that makes sense .
Hey , when you guys are cooking , have you ever tried just getting really , really stoned and seeing what is in your fridge and just trying to put it together ?
Because the other night I made some leftover butter chicken that I spiced up with some masala and some sriracha and I didn't have any naan , but I did have some spinach and feta triangles not exactly a Spana Copa , because it's frozen . I'm like it's not real shit but then you just put all that into a pan together , fry it up .
If you stay stoned , it's pretty good at the end .
If you stay stoned , it's pretty good at the end . I feel like that's 100% the tagline for your cooking show .
I kind of want to , so I do one of the meal delivery service , things like the .
Hello Freshes .
And I only do it like once or twice a month because I just want ideas of stuff that I could make .
And one of these times I am going to set up my phone where I try to do one where I'm like oh no , fuck it , we're not going to put the green onions into the pan , we're going to put that shit into the rice beforehand , fry that up real good , and then we'll just see . We'll see how it goes . It's probably bad , but we'll see , that's funny .
Actually , I could see that becoming a thing . I am like , jokes aside , I feel like that could be a thing .
Without knowing anything , I am going to say I'm going to offer Coach Bishop's producerial involvement in that , because I'm sure he would say , yeah , let's like enable this thing to happen , because it sounds like a lot of fun .
Yeah , I mean maybe for you guys . I'm the one that has to wash the dishes next day .
Why was this bowl involved ? What is happening ?
Oh my God . The other night I made macaroni and cheese for dinner and then decided I needed some more shit to go in that . So I added some chili crunch and peas and I fried up some shrimp and put that on top . And then I decided that was not enough of a meal .
So I put a little bit of apple sauce into a pie shell and that became sort of like an apple pie , and then I whipped up some coconut cream milk and poured that shit on top of it .
All of it tasted great at the time , but when I woke up the next morning I was like I wash , I use every single dish in my house , every fucking dish Like why was the crock pot out ? What was I doing ?
These are , and that's a , that's a , that's a chapter heading for the book . I'm so far out of the gate right now , like I'm already working out like naming rights , like this is brought to you by ease and grub .
Oh yeah , we're gonna do this , oh all right , all right , all right , all right , tm TM TM All right .
So we open on the scene where Wayne has been offered Molle by Alberto .
By the way , alberto would have killed me because Molle has nuts in it , which is something that you can either learn on the Ted cast or in a Mexican restaurant . When somebody didn't know that and you ordered it , that wasn't fun .
I was like wait .
I'm pretty sure .
Molle was , is the thing I now like see on the menu and like physically go oh no , don't do that . And yes , I was correct , I looked it up . Oh wow , jesus Christ . Yeah , it wasn't , it wasn't , it wasn't cool .
I'll have to be the resident Molle eater on this podcast , I suppose .
I think we're allowed to talk like that working .
Okay . So Ramon comes over , offers him some . Molle sees he's sitting alone , sees it has no food . A couple guys . Alberto says , oh , ramon , don't feed the animals . He says in Spanish Don't feed the animal .
Remember , this is where we left off , where I'm like I just love it that you get these glimpses of into how things are and that , no , there's a ton of representation , but it's not like oh , oh , the noble Hispanic man fighting for their color , you know what I mean . It's just like they can be dicks like everybody else . There's good and bad everywhere .
I just love the sentiment that this little white boy , gringito , is the outsider on this crew and he sucks at what he's doing and but one of them is a kind enough person to recognize the effort and at least try to try to , you know , sort of build a bridge of communication .
This is , as was once said in the racial harmony anthem , ebony and Ivory , there's good and bad in everyone . All right , go on .
Oh God , that was great . Thanks , coach . Every time you sing just embagons me . So , yeah , so you have this
¶ Power of Small Acts and Generosity
moment . Now , listen , this year , here's your Ted last moment , because Ramon doesn't have to share his fucking food . Ramon's got it tough . Ramon's away from his family , he does not have to take any pity . Ramon , by the way , is also the one that said you don't want to go in that car . Gringito is a different kind of job .
So in every group you need a prime mover , you need a catalyst to make things happen . For Ted Lasso . Ted is always the first ripple in the pond . Everything is stagnant and we talk all the time about how people don't change unless they're forced to change . People hate change . They hate fucking change man .
They will do anything they can , even if they know they're in a bad pattern , even if they're self-destructive , even if they're physically in danger . People hate change . And so it requires somebody to take the initiative and coach , walk us through this scene . What does Ramon do as he goes over and shares his food with Lane ?
So he's over there talking to him . You , like Moly , never had it , try it . That's where we get our moment of the friend yelling over yeah , he can suck my dick . Ramon translates to the PG version of he says you can have some his food too .
He says he wants to share his lunch with you too , the wrinkle in that being that Wayne then says oh sure , bring it over , right Right . So that caused a little off of this .
Although I have to admit this is a little bit like I don't watch South Park anymore , but for a brief period I did .
It was pretty good at one point in my life where Cartman tells the teacher to suck my balls and the only response that gets through to the kids is present them Like there is a level of when you tell somebody to suck your dick and they come back with all right cool bring it over , whip it out , let's do this . What you want to do this , then let's .
He didn't mean to . This is not what Wayne meant to do , but this was the he all right , bring it over .
Let's go then , so I enjoyed that a lot .
He didn't mean to bruise Bob like that .
but it was really right though , because that is very much . I bet those reaction is like he's like all right , this just got weird , got to go Like he turned back to the other conversation .
Yeah , yeah , so yeah . No , you're right , I didn't mean . I didn't mean to take it as far . All right , fine , I'm bailing .
Yeah , no , you get this . Be here , coach . Where Mark McCann outplay is Wayne . He makes a little choice and I was looking at how he held his fork and I was like it's so interesting . It's almost like a kid who never held a fork . When he starts to do the overhand thing , he's just it's like it's not like he's holding it like .
he's holding it like weirdly at the end , but like he has his finger on .
Yeah , the grip is weird and I was like , oh , it's just not even a little kid grip no like it's very specific , is it ? Weird . Yeah , I'm just like okay , it looks like nothing else in a way . Yeah .
Yeah , yeah , yeah .
Well , and also he holds the end of it as far away from his mouth as he can as a shoveling yes . Like he's not picking up the food .
He's just tossing .
He is starving and he has hit it to this point . He has somehow made his way in the world , understanding he's not going to have the food that other people have , at least not yet , and he's made his peace with it . But when Ramon presents him with the mole , he starts shoveling . He is a young kid who needs sustenance and he has got nothing .
And yeah , go coach .
Yeah , real quick I'll say too , in terms of the Ramon relationship to this I've never known personally . I've never known generosity in terms of like here , have some food , like honestly and I don't say this as a judgment , but just describing class as like the poorest people I've known .
I feel like if you go to somebody's house and they are let's just say working class to sort of like set a basic . You know , like it's not . You know , living on the street they would . You will not leave their fucking house hungry . Like they will figure that shit out .
And I've always thought that was so fascinating and interesting that , like the level of generosity that becomes part of the deal , right , and it's a thing I've said about people before , like oh so , and so he eats alone . I forget where I first heard that , but that's like my greatest like insult I can say about another person like oh , blah , blah , blah .
Yeah , he eats alone . That fucking guy like don't ever depend on him . So , anyway , the fact that he literally this food no one has a tupperware of food with them that they didn't plan on fucking eating and he hands it over to Wayne .
I told . First of all , I just want to really emphasize my complete support for that statement . You said I am , I have , I have been all over the world , I traveled everywhere . The the most generous people I've ever met have have nothing , had nothing .
I can't . I can't say . It's amazing . It brings tears to your eyes .
I think about moments where people were generous to me and I knew they had literally nothing . They had nothing to give . It was . It was the point where I was like I was painful Right , you can't , you can't not take it because they made 100% , because I what are you gonna fucking insult them after they were like that's the whole thing , did this .
Yeah , you can't insult those . You got to do it . There was a family .
I visited out in the jungle and they had nothing . I remember like it was like I , they had nothing . They had nothing . They were like friends of friends or whatever , and I had nothing . They had nothing . Nothing . Dirt floors , nothing , no running water , no , nothing .
And they made me the spread of food , and I remember they must have worked so hard on it and they had covered with a blanket to keep the flies off it , in anticipation for my arrival . And I remember I was , I was 19 years old .
I'm like I am not worthy of it , like you know , I mean , but I ate like as much as I could , as much as I could to do the whole thing . And when I left , I remember I left the country the last thing I did was I went to the National Bank and I took every traveler's check I had left and I started a , without telling them this , I started that .
I started a fund for their kids to be able to go to university because it was so cheap . I think it was 600 bucks is what I had left on my and you like .
That was enough to put that through that first year .
No , no , no , but that's like back then it was like that'll get them both kids through the school in that country . Oh no shit . Oh yeah , no , no , no , it was like . But especially with accumulating interest and stuff like that .
So and the reason I can get away with it was such a small place that the guy that was in charge of the bank was the second cousin of this .
So he's like yeah , I know I'll get it to him and you don't have to worry , you just know yeah of course he was handled and so amazing .
But you go like I can't and it's like what's six like $600 in my life , like compared to ? But these people are , you know what I mean ? They're just like yeah , I can't say that enough , and it's so weird how people who have more need to keep more . I've just never understand it .
So really it takes us back to that . You know , if one , whether it's if one gorilla or a born monkey or whatever it is , kept all supporting all the bananas you say that's a mentally ill , we put them on a cover of time . Yeah , yeah , oh man . So there are a couple of things that that sparked .
So one is thinking about Ted Lasso when PB and J pick up Rebecca's tab and it's funny actually , because I've just recently been talking to someone who has just experienced Ted Lasso so I get like texts that are like pillow fight , mind blown .
And it's so fun because , like I've been in here so long now and like I know , like he says one thing and I'm like , oh yeah , that's an episode seven , season two , blah , blah , blah after whatever you know , so like , but he's having that initial , like whoa , what is happening ?
here , Anyway .
But when PB and J pick up that tab , it's to me it's a lot like what we're describing , like , of course , rebecca could be like oh no , no , no , I , you know , blah , blah , blah drinks on me , everyone right . But no , the point of this they know you have . They are trying to say thank you and that is what they're doing right now .
And so you say thank you and you let these guys take their you know pocket lint and coins and whatever they've pulled together here and you know had maze , forgive them the drinks , like whatever it took for them to be able to say we bought you lunch , thanks a bunch .
¶ Generosity, Class, and Self-Care
So yeah , that level of generosity , it is pretty . If you've experienced it from either side , it's pretty amazing . It creates a real bond between people , I find .
And also just because I work in the nonprofit slash charitable world . People on the lower end of the income spectrum always give a higher percentage of their cash than that amazing . And not just because it like across the board . It's been true for decades . And it's not that wealthy people aren't giving anybody , but they're giving a smaller percentage .
They could give more , they have more space , they have more room to safely give and they don't . And poor people do . It's like like just it's never not been true .
It's wild to me that there are so many negative things about poor people , especially in the US , the way that we look down on that and when I say we like I've always been closer to the lower end of the spectrum than the upper one . Nobody's mistaking me for a rich person .
So the idea is about being lazy or bad with money or any of these other bullshit that we say like no man , rich people are bad with money , they just have it .
So your margin for error is ridiculous . If the minute you order an appetite , a sanitizer , with the birthday dinner and that literally throws off the budget for the next three months , then you'll find out what the fuck good with money is .
Because how do we keep ?
these lights on ? No fucking idea , but it got figured out .
Oh , my fucking god , it's one of the I'm not gonna get too far into it , because I will bitch for three straight hours but one of the things that makes me so fucking crazy is a requirement that if you were going to have any sort of monetary assistance , either food stamps or welfare , whatever else which , by the way , we all fucking agreed we're gonna do Every
single person was like yep , this is the thing we're gonna do . We're gonna make sure that extremely poor people have enough money to live on . We're going to make sure that they don't buy . This is a societal agreement . And then we say but you , poor person , you need to take a budgeting class . And I'm like bitches . That person could run the class .
There is absolutely nothing that you're gonna teach them about budgeting . You think that they're wasting their money , and what I'm telling you is that when you get no money , you have no money to waste . They could school every single one of your assets .
I would not everything you just said and I would not one describe myself in any way as wealthy , even now , although 17 year old version of me would look at me now and be like god damn it , right it would be crazy , poor thing stuff . Yeah , yeah , right . So you know .
But there's something I love what you just said about they could teach the class , because there are things that I now regard Okay . So here's an example we have Daphne and I , and I don't regard it as wasteful because we're getting older and , damn it , I have aches and pains .
That it's only as I've gotten older that the mystery ache and pain has become a part of my life . So , like when I was 20 , sometimes my ankle hurt , but it hurt because I was playing basketball and I stepped on someone's foot and I sprained my ankle and I know why it hurts .
But now sometimes I just wake up and I'm like , well , god damn , my hip is tight . What is happening ? Right ? So we have a massage subscription and we decided together we're gonna do this thing and so we each are entitled to a month and you can stack them blah , blah , blah .
That is in no version of the universe a necessity , like we now treat it like it's some sort of fucking necessity and like , oh well , of course we've budgeted . Like no , it is not it should be .
Listen . I am the biggest fan of massage . I am telling you , it does wonders . My first wife was a massage therapist , and so she was when she was going to school .
Yeah , she was . No , I'm kidding . I've never even been in the same room as well . Once I was in the same room as her . I'm just fucking go ahead .
That means doesn't even mean anything . You're . What is wrong with this person , boss ? What ? Look at him , yeah .
Boss liked it , come on boss . I didn't , I didn't I did that , but also you know that I didn't do that .
Why would you ask me this person Seriously ?
that's crazy , but I was . We were together while she was going through massage school , which was like 27 months of crazy . She went to like a really amazing school and she had come home and do homework and it was like the best thing in the whole world to sorry , I have to rub your left arm .
I'm like , oh okay , like oh poor me , but it did wonders for me . I had no idea how locked up I was until I had that and we used to do a monthly massage therapy thing and our massage therapist is transitioning and had to take like four or five months off for like top surgery and so we're feeling that took me a second to catch up .
I thought you meant like transitioning to a different job , so I'm sorry . No , no , no , no , oh , oh , oh , oh , yeah , yeah , yeah , really transitioning .
And so we're like about to go back in January . But you know , it's like you notice it . When you go , we feel like , yeah , we could have gone somewhere else but we kind of felt like be cheating or something like that .
I don't know like we just really love the arm massage therapy , so yeah , but your body can feel it , it tightens up and self-care is the first thing that goes when you have no money . So it's good that you have enough coach that you can get that .
It's funny because that's antithetical to how it should work when everything gets so brutal and the stress piles up .
Self-care is when you really , really need the most Right , right , right , right , and it's the people that can afford it the least , and we have it all wrong .
We have it all wrong , we've always had it all wrong .
I sat in that valet line for 27 minutes today . Meanwhile I worked three shifts and I'm about to go watch my kids school play , but I don't get a massage . Yeah , no , no , it's a big deal .
I want to call out Juan Carlos Vellis . Some he's listed in certain places as JC Vellis . He's an El Salvadoran actor . He plays Ramon in this and I just love his face . I'm a huge Fellini fan , so I love a beautiful , interesting face and he's got these kind eyes and I think he just is so well cast because you just believe the kindness in him somehow .
I'm not saying he's not a naturally good actor . Maybe he's a real pressure in real life and this is not typecast at all but he just pulls it off Like it's again . We always talk about how there's no small roles , only small actors , and as he does this with Wayne , just every part of this is authentic to me .
I just his looks , his smiles , his gestures , his body , his mannerisms , reading Wayne when he talks about how hard it is to have an empty bed by yourself , and Wayne clearly doesn't pick up on that . He's like oh OK , like you know , and he says to Wayne . Wayne says how come you did that for me ? He's always says it's not mold , it was mole .
I tricked that son of a bitch . He says how come you did that ? He says he seemed like you needed a break .
And just catching it now , as you describe it , by the way . And then the next line is hilarious , but as you describe it is exactly why . Damn it the captain , for some reason his name isn't coming to me .
Stephen Geller , Sergeant Geller .
Yeah , so there's the reason that Sergeant Geller gets going to go catch him and the girl , right , yeah , and the girl Because he's like no one's going to give this poor fucking kid a break . Yeah , yes , he's going to do some Wayne shit and he is going to be fucked . Like we got to go save him from the world .
Like they are not going to take care of him , but somebody in the world does .
You have to wonder at the development of the human genome where the vast majority of people will walk away from the wounded animal in the herd because they know the predators are there and there's always someone it's still encoded who will make that overture and try to heal the animal . Like , ramon is a healer , and we don't use that term as much .
In the same way , we try to conflate it with Western medicine , which is just based on triage medicine , war medicine and it's all crazy . But you can have healers of all shapes and sizes and Ramon is doing a lot of healing here . There's a case to be made that Ted is a healer and Ted Lasso . There's a case to be made that Thiele is a healer .
So anyway , he says to Wayne , you know .
I want to share this because usually I've shared a lot of like sex jokes and things that really bring down . But really , margaret Mead and I remember reading about that I just googled it because I was like I don't want to fuck this up , but I did remember it correctly .
Margaret Mead , you said the wounded member of the herd specifically was asked like so when does it ? Where did civilization start ? Like , what's the signal or sign that ? Ok , now we're talking about civilization ?
And her speculation was that it was where they found the first , when the first healed femur , because someone with a broken femur can't move , can't do anything , and so they would have been killed by some predator .
So the fact that there's a healed femur means that at least one other person decided to take care of this person and get them back to full health , and so that was where we've got that . That's where civilization begins and yeah , and totally like how we run politics and social programs now . So I'm glad that we learned . It's great .
Yeah , I know how far we've come , coach .
¶ Assholes, Humor, and Robin Williams
He says Wayne , the surprise that he gets to help . Why did you do that about the mole , pretending it was mold in the wall to save Wayne ? And he says you seem like you needed a break , which is , you know , like , dear God , if anybody like , is anybody more needing a break than this kid at this point ?
Who just burned his father in an impromptu Viking burial . And what does he say ? Is the next line here , Coach ?
Plus , the boss is like Ijodegla gran puta , which is the son of like , not just the son of a bitch , but a son of a big bitch would be like , or the big bitch would be the translation . So that's how we feel about that guy .
Boss is nodding in appreciation . And a little button on that joke is Wayne says Alberto called me the same thing earlier , which I snorted .
I fucking snorted , laughing .
Which is great . It's great to have jokes upon jokes upon jokes . That's great . Go ahead , boss .
Only that . What I was going to say is the white person version of that , I think is he's a massive asshole . There's no reason to say massive , except that you want to make sure like you're going to meet a lot of assholes .
This guy is a massive asshole , let me show you how to stand . Yeah , you're right .
So that's exactly right , boss . Thank you , that is true . It's a huge , huge distinction . Hey well , who's that guy ? Oh he's an asshole . Ok , got it . Who's that guy ? Oh he's a . He's a massive asshole . You go , oh OK .
Right , right , exactly , we did the same thing , oh , oh .
My guard is up , thank you .
It would be the difference between Castleton and myself , one being an asshole , one being a massive asshole . I'm the massive asshole . By the way , just in case , that was something that I'm doing whatsoever .
I know you're humor now I know you're humor at this point .
That's why I laugh .
OK , good , I didn't want Castleton to get upset because I'm such a massive asshole Too late boss . Too late .
I'll move on from your slights to talk about yeah , to talk about . You think that's good ? You should try the way my wife makes it even better and says man , I missed that one . Where is she ? In Oaxaca ? Oaxaca , where my whole family is . Man , that must be really hard .
Yes , it's a long time to be with no wife in bed , you know , and again , wayne clearly doesn't know . Yeah , coach , go ahead , keep going , coach .
What about you ? You got a family . Not no more , no one .
Not no more . First of all , not no more .
Yeah , there's a story . There's a story I had a family . I needed no more , but not no more . What do you ?
mean by that , right , yeah , no one . Well , there's a girl right .
Well , there's a girl . I don't know why I found that so endearing , I guess not . I say that out loud . I guess it's reminiscent of the Goodwill Hunting , which , by the way , is totally manipulative . But God , I love that fucking movie . But when he says I got to go see Boss .
no one can see you pointing .
No one can see you pointing Jump in .
I was going to .
I was trying to let him finish his point , because I just was a massive hassle .
You ruined my timing . I was going to jump in and say , yes , I'm so glad that you brought up Goodwill Hunting , because it's exactly what I was thinking .
I got to go see about a girl . Got to go see about a girl . Missed the big game six home run and then the call back at the end . Got to go see about a girl .
I was like I did it , man , I did it , and apparently Robin Williams the last line where he said fucker , stole my line .
Improv .
Of course he was supposed to just go out and oh , I didn't know that that was an improv line .
That's a brilliant , it's such a brilliant fucking line and man , you know it's funny . It is kind of shocking because Robin Williams was not known for being able to improv .
Great , Great exactly .
Hey Robin , why ?
don't you loosen up a little ?
bit . You know what I'm saying ? Go off book buddy , Come out .
Well , actually I just saw something about how I should be looking this up before quoting it , but the director of Mrs Doubtfire said that there is so much shit that . Robin Williams improv on set that they have like another full movie that they could do Like an
entire documentary . I have no doubt about that . I think I mentioned here . If I didn't , I'm glad I'm about to do it now . There's a solo show that we saw Do we see a taper , at any rate ? But it's called Alex Edelman , just For Us . Did I mention this already ?
And so one of the things he talks about in the show and this isn't like giving away the whole show or whatever , but he talks about Robin Williams I guess at some point had visited with and I'm forgetting the grills , but the famous was like Rosie or something like that , but at any rate , they told , they communicated to the gorilla that or wherever that Robin
had died and the gorilla was sad , like , oh , I like that guy Like signed because they had taught it how to sign and that signed , kind of like , oh , you know , essentially . And so this guy , alex Edelman's point was like , as a comic , you want to learn how to connect , whatever . Meanwhile , there's a guy who used to do this who was so fucking good .
He connected with another kind of primate that actually mourned his passing , like that's the level of connection that could be created . So yeah , I big fan , big fan of Robin Williams , and I wrote a piece when he died that I just realized I could post in the community just to share because it's now relevant .
But we share a birthday and I always just decided for myself that that meant something .
Yeah .
July 21 .
Yeah right .
I was like yeah , sweet , I'll take that .
¶ The Importance of Listening in Relationships
Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to communicate with a different type of primate . That's fair . There's a nice little beat here where , as a girl , I want her to be . I don't know what she wants , and sometimes what she wants doesn't make any sense . To which , what does Ramon say here , coach ?
Just listen and show her that you care . Don't try to fix it . Just listen and nod , then maybe you'll get your moley yeah .
Then maybe you'll get your moley and then , and that's good , that's a nice , that's a veteran veteran veteran take .
That's serious . That is serious . Veteran . Shut up . You can't fix it any goddamn way . Shut up and listen we talk , give a hug .
We talk a lot about how women are indecipherable to most men and how it's constantly it feels like a game of catch up . I try to figure out . Ok , you got to try to stay ahead of this and not get in the doghouse and whatever . So I feel like this is stage one . This is like stage one advice . This is not like because you do want .
I think it's very passive and it's almost demeaning in a way to suggest all women need is a smiling doofus who just agrees with them . You know what I mean . That's like step one , because I think the key element here is listening , and that's the hard part for most of us , most men . I know , boss , what do you think of that ?
Actually , you know , I knew where it was going and I was like he's going to do it . He's going to do it . Like the minute you said boss , I was like gosh , no .
So cornball , it's so cornball . Thank you boss , thank you , high five , virtual high five . I love it . She saw it coming 60 miles away . Anyway , that's the thing . That's a starter Starting . That's a starter gun . Listen , fucking listen , sit back , make space for the relationship , listen and take it in and then process what you have .
Don't just go on business as usual and not work on the information . Listen , then process and then workshop and then say , ok , we're a team here .
So I always I bristle , like I don't love things when they're like oh you know , like anytime there's a doofy dad trying to babysit video or things , I get so crazy about it Because I'm like , give me a fucking break . It's not , men can do that every bit as well as they need to .
It's just that historically it's been the purview of the women in the world , and but that doesn't mean that men can't do it . It doesn't mean they can't do it really well , of course they can Like what's interesting .
I say they like I'm part of some other group , but anyway . But seriously , we grew up in an era where that was a standard . That was like every successful show had certain episodes and like , in a later time , how every show at some point has a musical episode .
Yeah , there was the standard and you can go back to I Love Lucy or you can bring it up to the Jefferson's , like all these old shows where it's ha ha ha ha , there's a man trying to do woman's work and the big takeaway is not so easy , is it ? But it's still categorized at the end of your fucking episode as women's work . That's the problem .
The problem at the end of your stupid fucking episode is the real resolution should be hey , george Jefferson and Tom Willis , learn how to use a goddamn washing machine . It's not that hard . That's the whole thing . So now that you put fucking suds everywhere , like actually learn , Right ?
I want to help my wife , my partner . You know I'm going to buy her some chocolates . No , fucking fold the laundry .
So it's a whole it's a whole .
But not that , listen , it's okay , Because things again we talk about how people hate change and the wheels of society and justice turn slow , and so what I'm saying is , in our lifetime , when we were younger the coach and I specifically it was not uncommon for men who are having children to be out in the waiting room .
We mentioned this a couple episodes ago with cigars . That was their job , that was the world we entered , and so , yes , we've come a quantum difference now from where it used to be . But again , I only bring this up because I love Ramon and I love the concept of okay from a starting point . This is good advice from a starting point .
Just listen and nod , don't try to fix it . It is a very male quality to say , oh I see your problem , let me just give you a quick solution . It's like , shut the fuck , you don't even you know what I mean . That's more irritating than to begin .
You just have to listen and take that problem and incorporate it into your world , and then all sorts of other things can happen . But without that first starting point , the rest of it is off the table .
We've had so many conversations around oh wait , boss , were you about to say something ? We've had so many conversations about the new manhood and looking at Rupert versus Ted and even Wayne , Wayne who will grab the nearest object and fucking brain you , if you've got it coming .
Who , in an attempt to say hey , I fucked up and I'm sorry , ends up taking an entire cart full of feminine products to the counter to say I like that , but I do think that's a part of and still learning . 25 years married , still learning .
But I actively quote unquote joke with Daphne like when I load the laundry or when I load the dishwasher , I'll say like little four play because she doesn't give a shit about chocolate . She's like I can buy fucking chocolates , you idiot Ever heard of goddamn Amazon .
Like I can have anything here when I want it , what I need , and so like I think that's a great piece . And it says something about this guy that he might not be able to make Molle that's as good as his wife's , but apparently he can make Molle . He doesn't hand him his other half of a subway sandwich , like he makes some fucking food , so he's .
You know what I mean .
¶ Listening, Acknowledging, and Different Perspectives
Yes , and just to build a little bit on the listen part , is that a lot of the times when men are trying to help , if your partner , if you have a woman partner , if she's complaining about something and you are trying to help by giving her advice , you are almost all the time giving her the advice of what you would do if you were in that situation .
But you are not her , and so her issues at work with her boss are going to be different because she is a woman . Not because she is a different person , but because society treats her differently from how she treats you because you're a guy .
And so assuming that your experience would be universal and therefore she would be able to use the same advice that you would take is overlooking the fact that she is a person outside of you and you actually do really need to listen to who she is and what she's saying and not just say like , oh well , when I had the same thing , you didn't have the same
thing happen , because it happened to me .
It didn't happen to you . That's terrible advice .
Is that not ?
what you have done in that situation .
Can you just be quiet for once , that's not how you see it , oh probably not , no , no it's exactly right . I love that because the oh God , all right , we can't , we got to keep going .
I want to talk about this all day because I love what you're saying and I love the concept of like , hey , you have built in privilege You're not even fucking remotely aware of .
You can walk into a room and be treated with dignity and respect out of no other reason than you're a dude with a beard or a guy with you know , like your man , you walk in there and people treat you inherently differently . You don't , you're not like .
If you don't even get that beginning stage , of course you're not going to be able to give good advice from you know , like . From the standpoint of like , oh no , I'll look from the perspective of someone who's invisible , I mean , or poorly treated or whatever , or is has a different experience than mine , and it is , it's , it's .
It abounds with failure when you can't start with the oh , listen , and I'm not advocating that I'm an expert on any of these things , but I will say I know you have to listen and this we're , we're , we're limiting this to romantic relationships , and that's just not .
That does it a disservice , because this is listen to your children , listen to people in your life listen to . You know your friends like really listen , because it's the first . How are you supposed to process anything if you're kind of half in and half out ?
It's always why , I think , when people get irritated when someone else is on the phone when they're talking , because it's like so insulting , it's like you can't really be listening to me . If you're , I understand you have other things going on , but when I see that phone go up I go anyway . Excellent advice , boss , right , right , as always .
And you want to put up .
We got to move on , but put a button on this .
Go ahead and a blatant disregard for the need to move on . No , but when , when you were describing that boss , it reminded me there was this video of this woman walking through this . It's like years back , this woman walking through New York , me and Kat called her and so I was actually part of this conversation .
The whole pancake had what that's what he said whole series of videos kind of guys going like , yeah , we should probably stop being such fucking idiots . And one of the things we discussed was the number of guys who said , you know , in comments or whatever , we'll just turn around and tell the guy to shut the fuck up .
And it's like guy , yeah , because your shoulders are this goddamn wide and he's going to halfway , think twice about cold cocking you and whatever . You say that as if that's a real thing . And it reminded me of a friend of ours who was taught this when we was much more illegal , because there's a gray area , what's legal and what's not , and that .
But it was just a more serious thing . And one of a white friend was talking to me and Southern guy Kwame , who coach and I talked about and he was like talking about how he's flew there , flew where we were with we , and we were both like what the fuck ?
And he was like , well , yeah , well , you know , if they found it , I'd just be like , come on , man , be cool . And we just like we never responded to what he was saying because it was so .
It was almost like he said oh well , if you know , if they , you know , if they catch you , just you know , float off into the sky , like what are you talking about ? Just be cool .
But he really was looking at us like what the fuck's the matter with you guys . I remember that moment . I remember that moment . I don't know if you remember this coach , but I was watching this whole thing .
Oh really , no , I don't remember being there .
I felt this is at the draft right when that happened . Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , and I remember I laughed so I thought I was going to burst the blood vessel . Looking at you and caught two black men listening to like an entitled white lawyer oh my God Right .
I'm like , oh , he really , no , no , no , no , not that lawyer , but he , but he really , like he really . But he said it to us , like , of course , you just , you know , tell them to be cool , I'd be like I would get life in prison , but it's not even like . But , your honor , that's not actually a sentence we give for this .
Don't care , like , like that would be it . Anyway , but yes , listen and like actually . Other people's reality might be a little different than yours .
¶ White Privilege and Track Suit Sharing
So there you go . I'm just going to very quickly add that 10 , maybe 12 years ago , three white dudes that I knew cut through a park on their way to a bar in order to smoke a joint and got stopped by the cops and thought they were in trouble . The cops are like that's so stupid .
Why would you do something this fucking stupid , Like what the hell are you doing ? Like yelling at them and then , when they were , like shit we're going to be arrested . They were like don't you know that there's ?
no smoking weed .
The gangs are going to beat you up and I was like are ? You smoke your weed on the street where it's safe , will you ? Unbelievable yes .
Hey , and then they let them go and I'm like the country is so fucked up .
That's amazing . So yes , that .
Well , I don't think that I'm letting them go . Is what's , is what's fun ? I think like they should let everybody go . That's the let's let's . I don't , I don't advocate for people .
Yes , I would these stark difference but , yes , correct that . That is the direction I would want .
The show Wayne does an amazing job . Bobby Lushetti has , he will . He mocks the police to their face . He is obstinate and rude , he threatens to physically attack them .
He is so empowered by his whiteness and his maleness in this world Like and I'll tell you that like you get to a level especially I mean I'm in the Boston area where everybody's , I think , awful , and that includes some of the police officers and so you get , like you get pulled over , or you're my age and get pulled over by like a 22 year old little pixie
stick cop , whatever , right out of Academy . My first thought is not like , oh , I'm scared , I'm going to get shot . My first thought is like I am going to light this motherfucker up , like I am going to scare the living Jesus because I still inside the dynamic , dynamic of and listen , I've never I don't get .
I can't remember the last time I was pulled over , but I know that this is a thing like . This is a like . Are you out of your fucking mind ? Especially in the wealthier towns where I live , god forbid if they pull over like a resident of the town , because those people will call the chief and they'll be like are you kidding me ?
Like you don't pull me over in my town , you're here to riffraff out of the fuck .
It's very big Lebowski . Stay out of a . Stay out of whatever . I'm Lebowski . What was the right ? Stay out of my beach community , like that kind of yeah no , that's a thing , that's a real thing . Anyway , don't try to fix it , just listen to nod , then maybe you'll get your mole . What does Wayne say here , coach ?
I can do that . I can do that dining out fresco . Yes , I mean , come on , man , right now you're just showing off folks , now you're just showing off .
Now we get this . We get this great scene . This one is just . I just love it so much . You get the boys Carl and Teddy , and they're continuing . We're like picking up in the middle of the argument for where they left off . How about the fact that it always makes us share these tracksuits ? When coach watched that scene ?
Okay , go ahead . No , no , you just roared like your body flew back in the chair .
You're like you didn't realize . He actually makes them share the tracksuits .
Because I've thought throughout , do they communicate and plan ? They are clearly coordinated when they wear these things . So the fact that oh , no , no , no , no , it isn't that they're coordinating their clothes , these are their clothes . Okay , today you wear the top and I'll wear the bottom . I just yeah .
This family is something about it . Well , he says , is that not fucking weird to you ? The rise of Carl ? I just can't even . I'm so in love with that cut . So my dad's name was Carl , so it's got a , it goes . It's a very tried and true family name for us , so I have a good connection with it .
Plus , I showed everybody Dungeon Carl or Carl , which is like just the best audiobook series I've ever heard Bar Nun and it's not even close . It's not even close . When I finished , I finished six books of it and then was at sea and was looking around and there was no more . There's no more . It's writing some more .
The author , Matt Deniman , is writing some more , but I just didn't have it . It was so enjoyable for me . So then you do this search where you go are there any books like Dungeon , Carl or Carl ? And then there is nothing out there . They give you some , but there's nothing really . So that I just started over .
I'm like , okay , I'm going to go back to the beginning . So I love Carl , and in this you have the brothers Carl and Teddy , and Carl is the one who's the rabble rouser . Carl is the one bringing this up . And then he says is that not fucking weird to you that he always makes us share track suits ? And Teddy says we love these tracksuits .
Is you doing it because you get the top half ? How come every time I have to be the fucking bottom ?
And I love that . He yells that and that's definitely . I don't think we're allowed to talk at work like that anymore . Align and you just see the people behind them are like , yeah , what the hell Covering their kids ears . We just came here for some fucking flapjacks and these guys are screaming about who's the bottom . What for a hell .
It's great . That's because you're a whiny ass . That's why you're the fucking bottom
¶ Birthday Brunch Turns Into Confrontation
. So the waitress comes over , and what does she say , boss ?
Okay , we're closing .
Yeah , she says we're closing .
So you guys got to go .
Yeah , I thought you were open 24 hours . We are , it's just not today .
Is this any ?
way to treat the two birthday boys here .
Oh God .
I love , I love so much . This is like a Jim Gaffigan has a bit about grown up , still treating their birthday like it's . But I can't believe I have to go to work on my birthday . I can't believe I have to wash the dishes on my birthday and it's like you're , you're grown up , nobody gives a shit about your birthday .
Like , your loved ones will make sure to like say happy birthday . But you're not a fucking child , it's just very sweet . I love you . You're 46 . You're 42 . Get over it , you're fine I love it .
No , absolutely , and so is this any way to treat the two birthday boys here ? And then you get .
Do I really have to get my dick manager ?
I want to call it the name of the actor . Tory Webster plays Emma the waitress and she says Do I really ? Have to get my my dick manager , because , like of course he's Derek at Taste of Athens , if he's a manager at a restaurant , there's a 92 and a half percent chance he's going to be a dick of some kind .
I really have to get my dick manager out here . I , it's like .
Oh yeah , do we have to do ? We have to walk through this , Can we not ? Can we not ?
Could I love to though that they're like fine , yes , we can cut to the end , because we too know of the Derek's of the world and we don't want to actually deal with your dick manager . So , all right , we'll get off the gravy train here . It's cool . We got domestic beer and flat jacks . We're all set . And what ?
but what do they ? What do they do on the way out ?
They take their beers with them and yeah , so we're carrying a beer in one hand and a car battery in the other , as one does for the birthday brunch . Yeah , and there we go . You know . The family walks by them outside , still horrified and like hurrying the children by , like before they hear anything else from these two .
Right , so we pick up the . We pick up outside . These guys are outside the diner . They're they're still drinking . They're drinking the beers in glasses outside the diner . They take the glasses and the beers . They have parked themselves leaning up against an old school wood paneled grand Cherokee and they have placed the car battery on the hood . What ?
the fuck . I noticed that immediately . I was like you really put that battery on somebody's car hood Like oh . I don't , I didn't remember . It's that family's car , it's that family's car coach .
It's the family that was covering their kids .
I forgot . I forgot that .
They say he's remember that time daddy took us to skating in Asya Farina , but he was too fucking cheap to pay for both of us . So you got to go skating and I sat there watching your shoes and it was too bored or too drunk or both and we had to go . I never had my fucking turn at skating . And then Teddy realizes man , I've got to fuck you .
You should have gotten your turn . Carl says that's what I've been saying . And he says I'm glad you heard me when you needed to hear me . You should write poems or something . Well , that's so fucking crazy . You say that because I fucking do . I would read that shit , says Teddy . Thanks bro . And we now see the family is in the car .
They started up the grand Cherokee that Carl is leaning against , but he still has the car battery on . And Coach , what does he say when they start to , when they start to pull out here ?
What the fuck ? Are you fucking serious right now we're having a fucking conversation here , Are you stupid ? Fucking pea brain ? Jesus Christ , I like they can't one stop cursing this little kids , my God , like wow , but also like what's your fucking problem driving your fucking car ? That I put my car battery on ?
Well , they're backing away with the car battery on the hood of their car and Carl turns around and glares at him like he's trying to take it .
Boss so crazy .
They're trying to steal his battery . He what the ? I was leaning against that Right . What the fuck are you doing ? Did you not see me leaning here ?
This is this is a really common sort of so . So everybody else is a pea brain , not you guys , but everybody . This is very prevalent in this area . Yes , you know I mean like it's , it's like completely their world . And these people are just , you know , interlopers , despite the fact that it's their car .
So , anyway , he says , you know , whatever , let's get the fucking battery . Before he gives a fucking shit fit , they smash the glass on the ground .
And then , teddy the brother , who has now been convinced by the , by the persuasive powers of Carl the rebel , carl , who is a minute and 40 seconds younger than him , he comes up with an idea , boss , and what does he say ?
Let's kick daddy's ass , which is unconvincing when you're still calling us daddy .
Yeah , that was tough . That was a tough one .
Yeah , you're right , that was tough . That's a tough one . That's even tougher than our daddy fucked you , which is also not a thing that should just roll off the tongue , I would have to say .
Let's kick his fucking ass . All our lives he's pushed us around . Do this Cal , do this Teddy . It's time he knows we got our limits , we got bigger , we're stronger . Hey , we can take him right . Yeah , let's kick his fucking ass . This is the subsequent sort of revolutionary Les Miserables Esk Ferver that comes out of a breakfast of free beer and flapjacks .
I think they got the beer free Because , right , it didn't seem like they had any money to pay for the beer .
I think it was like a oh , no , everything , yeah , no , everything is free . That's why it says domestic only because they've got to put a cap on these birthday celebrations . Got it okay ?
So yeah , yeah yeah , so they got everything free and they are emboldened and they get some beer muscles and pancake muscles and let's kick his fucking ass .
Which is it's funny , like , oh my God , I can write a thesis about this whole thing , about how the again I think it was Boss that brought it up Like the thing that makes them even question this is they're out of their normal habitat , so I'm like they don't even know that they got bigger until they just realize it right at this moment .
Like we're as tall as daddy is .
Like you know what I mean . There's two of us , there's one like all of it .
There's just dawning on them at this moment .
All right . Now we cut to a scene where everybody's the Dick manager , like Dick homeowner has taken everybody . At the end of the day it's Payday , wayne and the local sort of manager guy , local foreman , are sort of left behind . Foreman gives Wayne some money . He's like , oh , where are they going ? And Boss walk us through the quitting time . Part of this .
Eric's taking the rest of the guys and Wayne says is there more work ? Because the A still game , still ready to keep working . And he says you don't wanna go with them , believe me , I mean you almost got carted off with them till Eric realized he wasn't one of them illegals too . And he says illegals .
And he says , yeah , you know immigrants , guys that ain't supposed to be here . Okay , I'll tell you , because we're the same . Check it out . Eric came up with this thing where he makes them work and then he drops them off at immigration so he don't have to pay them . Smart huh .
And I love the fact that he's like oh , guys like us who should be here , because obviously this is where white people originated , obviously . Wayne's pasty , boston ass . Sorry , brock's an ass . Apologies , I wouldn't wanna fuck that up . Obviously this is the land he is indigenous to .
No , that guy didn't not the guy Steve was like the foreman . He is dark enough scanned that I thought I was like oh , he's a fucking traitor , he's a race traitor .
Yeah , I think he knows all that Spanish . So they get all comfortable , they think it's all good . And then , yep , I had that thought too . It's deep . Then that's when you start dealing with race and culture being different . It's deep man .
Right , so he's native born .
And this is the only time when the term race traitor is acceptable is when you are punching down and using your presumed privilege in order to keep other people down .
Yeah , then we will fuck with that Absolutely . I mean , these are a repellent human being . And then he says Eric , who's the homeowner , taking the rest of the guys and says you know , smart huh .
He's fucking gross .
I'm so glad to use that word because I was searching for the right word , and gross is the word because it's so deeply predatory . Like you know that Eric votes for the candidate who's screaming the loudest about who's coming over our fucking border Meanwhile , that's how you create your profit margin . Oh yeah , but we're not gonna have that conversation .
Yeah , it's just when he says smart , huh , like I wanted to punch him in the face Like I had a visceral response .
Well , and this also isn't . There's nothing about it , that's smart . It is that if you are willing to be a big enough , dick , yeah you could take advantage of people 100% . But there's nothing clever about this .
No , no , no , nothing . It is reprehensible . It is the definition of slave labor , because you're getting work for free yeah . So it gets worse , though everybody I know a lot of our buttercups and are waiting for the show to be over so they can watch the whole thing , waiting for our analysis to be over , and they're gonna watch it all in one shot .
So , for people that are listening right now , steve the foreman is not done just by revealing that the guys have been taken away in a locked van , locked from the outside , and Wayne is trying to just catch up to this situation and he says what do they do to him ? And he says Steve says they run .
So when we get shipped back to where they came from , you should see them scattered when they realize where they are . Cracks me up every time Ay , ay , ay , ay , ay , ay , ay , ay .
Cracks me up every time .
Ugh .
Like this . So much is packed into that line . And then he says funny , funny , huh , so smart and funny .
Yeah , and also we're in on the same joke , like it's funny , right ? Maybe we'll take you with us one time so you can watch them run for their lives , like what the fuck ?
I mean . So here's the thing . Obviously , what we know about racism in America is that it is worse . The worst cases are for white people who aren't racist , because sometimes people assume that we are also sorry . That was supposed to be . That was supposed to be much more sarcastic than it came across .
It's not . It's never the worst for us .
It's never the case where racism in America is the worst for white people . No , but it can be uncomfortable . I mean , you know , guys , no .
Yeah , yeah , no , but legitimately as a white person . If anybody ever says anything racist in front of you , your immediate reaction needs to be hey , fuck you for saying that , and that is the only reaction that you could have . You cannot pretend that it's okay , you cannot play it off , you cannot go along with it .
You need to say hey , fuck you for saying that . That's racist and gross , because anything less than that will give people the impression that you are cool with whatever racist shit just happened and you need to not be , or you need to stop listening to the podcast . You cannot do both .
I love that . That's a lesson , and that is such a lesson in privilege . Like , yes to that around race , but I would say yes to that around gender . I would say yes to that around , you know , around cis het . You know heteronormative like all of it . If you're sitting there and you know well , I didn't tell the joke , no , not good enough .
Like you can't just be , you know , offended by filling the blank ism , you have to either be against it or you're complicit . And you know , sure there are moments where you're like my life's in danger .
I'm not encouraging anybody to get killed , but if you're in some random gathering of people and they're being shitty , at some point you gotta go like , guys , let's not , let's not do that anymore . That's no good .
Now quick question what if you're the one starting it ? And I only ask no For the ?
times that you're starting it .
Yeah what if you're the ?
no , we talked about this a lot and it's true , boss , I can't do your version of it . I have to do my version of it , which is which I understand . I gotta just be better about confrontation , but I'm like , if I there are times where you're like you have to , I fully advocate exactly what you say . You have to let me .
You can't just go with it , but it has to be known , it's so . It's such a I gotta be , I gotta be like , I can't be like . It's very hard for me to be like you know what fuck you Like .
It's a , really like if you like there , because there are , you know what I'm the problem , because I really would like to be that person and I haven't gotten to the place where , like I'm trying to think of the last time this happened , where there was something like it had like a , especially in some of the circles .
It's not like a overt racism , it's like racial overtone or like a subtle thing , and I'll make a face or I'll be like what Like ? But I ? But it won't be like you know what fuck you Like in a school environment , or I know I should be able to do that , but I haven't like that's a very boss response .
It's hard for me to get to the place of like instant . I know we really need . I probably just need I gotta do a lot of deep thinking about this .
Well , hold on , let me jump in here , because what I'll tell you is that , even though what I want to say every time is fuck you for saying that , there are times where I need to temper it slightly , because I'm in a place where I can't say fuck , for whatever reason .
And then , a neat trick and this is one of the few times you're gonna hear me say the word meat , but this is what it is .
¶ Encounter With a Drunk Stranger
So last weekend I flew out to Phoenix specifically to watch the National Play Show , because I had the airline miles and I fucking wanted to do it . And then I went to a bar afterwards to get a drink and a drunk . I sat down next to me . Have I told you guys this ? No , okay , so drunk .
I sits down next to me and he says he wants to talk and I'm like okay , and he immediately says so , how about you ? I could tell a lot about you . You seem like a person that takes yourself too seriously or something like that , something weird . He was like , and so I gave him a look and then he was like how old are you ? I'm like well , I'm 42 .
He was like I'm 34 . And then he starts talking some more and he's saying shit . I can't hear what he's saying . I don't understand what he's saying . He's a little bit drunk . It's like I'm just not picking up . And what I do hear at one point was why are you so stuck up ? And I was like did you just call me stuck up ? And he was like yeah .
And my response was and is that the thing you wanted to say ? Is that the joke ?
you wanted to make . I'm just checking , are you having a stroke ? Because you just said to me yeah , I just , I love that .
I'm just wanting to double check . And then he got up and left and I was like , right , that's exactly what I was hoping for .
So I feel like you know , kim me and Roger from West Ham all read this book where if you diss what you have to like . Well , it's not diss . What's the term ? Neg ?
You have to pick a point of her .
Usually it's a physical thing and you have to say like oh no , look , can I borrow that drink . Hand that over here with your man hands , yeah . Coach just almost spit up . I'm saying I remember hearing this stuff .
And I was like oh , this is shit , I remember this . Going around they are like what .
You are really really stuck up to us . I don't want to take the side of Drunk 30 , your four year old and Phoenix Bar or Albuquerque . Where was it ? Yeah , Phoenix , Phoenix .
And , for those interested , please go ahead and Google Gracie's Tavern in Phoenix and see what sort of fucking dive bar I intentionally walked out of my way to get to . In terms of how stuck I am , it's fine , it doesn't matter . The point is , when that comes up , what I do like saying is is that the joke you were going for ?
Did you ?
do what you did you accomplish what you set out to ? Because that's going to change my interpretation .
I am sure that I have referenced this at some point and I am going to figure out how to credit it to whoever first said it to me , but they will ask for clarification , so , like somebody , says like an awfully like just the most sexist shit ever and I know it was from a woman because I remember it was about sexism .
And so her response is I don't get it , which immediately kills everything and makes the person articulate the shitty thing . That's the big point . It's so brilliant . And so the thing I was going to say actually you , coach , and take this out of my align methodology and philosophy is you got to do it in a way that's aligned to you , so you can't .
It wouldn't work for you . You're not going to be like me and bust out the window of the guy who decided it was a good idea to follow your wife , like that's not . You would take care of it . I'm not saying you would leave your family to fend for themselves , but you wouldn't do it that way .
But I would be like . I'd be like kids go get them .
I'd be right fucking back . That's like a new like when I went she was like I don't know what he's going to do , but he's going to do something .
I still . I get it , coach , I get it . Yeah , no , I'm still deluded enough to think I can . I can sort of convince people with kindness and niceness and shakes her head , but yes , yeah , Some people can be .
I should say some people can be , and it takes all kinds . Sometimes you need somebody to bust in and say fuck you for saying that , and sometimes you need the . What do you mean by that ? And sometimes you need to say I think that you're a better person than you're presenting yourself .
That's . That's way more like that one . But here's another and I don't want to stay on this because we got to go , but I will say you wouldn't believe this , you wouldn't believe that this is true , but this is this is this is the truth . You will sometimes run into white people who I only say white people because I'm white and I and I . These are the .
This is the situations I've been in . You will sometimes run into white people who have never been around a not racist white person . Put that try to . They've never had someone in their group that would push back against racism , right .
So the first time you do it , you go hey , man , like you know I mean like like they have never had that talk in their entire life Nobody in their family is not racist , nobody in their friend group that they grew up in high school is not racist , nobody in their community , wide thing .
And they're raising racist kids and it's absolutely unthinkable to be anything but that . Right and it's not like it's not the type of racism that you think , like they're not out there with slurs and and whatever , but they're , but it's like systemic , absolutely intrinsic race-based hostility that they're not even like remotely aware of , not even remotely .
Or you say , like , how many black people have you ever met ? Like well , I , I played football , I put football on the line . High school was a great guy .
What ? Why are you such like ? That's the sum total of your research , Right I ?
was I think I said this in season one , where I was with a group of people was at a friend's house , one of my oldest friends , and we were sitting at his like he's got .
You know , he moved into one of those horrible pre those neighborhoods with all these fucking McMansions or whatever and all his neighbors came over to hang out and one of the women was talking about I don't know she's I wish I could remember but she said she whispered the word black . So she's like , oh , and then whatever was black . And I was like .
I was like wait , what that's amazing .
So I looked around and I was like what you can say ? Black , like you can say , like it's , like you can just say it , cause it's , it's , it's as much of a word as anything else . And she looked at me like , and I thought it was , I thought I was going to bring the house down , and they all looked at me like I was a fucking alien .
Oh , really , none of them . That's so real , Michael Scott , I'm telling you . I was like oh , I I'm used to having the backup because I surround myself with no , no , no . I was like a man on a complete island , in a place where , where a mom of three will whisper the word black , you know , because the principal was black . I .
That's amazing . Yeah , I have not watched this movie in years so I will not pretend to remember it perfectly . But American history X , which is a film with its own , with its own stories throughout the process . But there there's a moment early in the Ed Norton character , in the Ed Norton character's life , where his father explaining that he's actually not racist .
But let me ask you , blah , blah , blah , like that kind of like I don't know , blah , blah , blah , blah . But I just use what's logical to me .
I don't care if you're purple , whatever it was that kind of a speech and I remember thinking this is how people end up racist as shit and unaware of it , because like he seemed perfectly rational and he shared that he's not racist in his crazy fucking speech .
So it's like , well , that's not racism , obviously , because he told me plus , he's my dad and I love him . So when I repeat it , it obviously isn't racism , because when I heard it it wasn't racism . So why would it be racism now ? So I think you're very much on it that this mother of three who whispers black .
She has no idea . No idea what she's communicating , and she also if you said to her hey , you know you might be racist . She'd be like , oh God , of course not . Like I would never .
Oh yeah , no , don't say that that's unthinkable .
To me , yeah , like so . Anyway it's a oh God , we can go forever into it .
I'm going to let you go to the next scene , but I will find it hopefully . Or maybe I'll find the comic and have her like send me some recording of it . But there's a comic who I knew is Black Woman and she talks about the worst things you can call people and she gets the white people and she says racist .
And it's so goddamn funny and like I mean she , I watched her bring down the belly room at the comedy store with this bit because it was so funny , like the one thing you cannot and he circumstances call a white person is racist , or like shit just like explodes .
It was so good and captured , like so much Because that woman , you're 100% right If you said whoa , whoa , whoa , that thing you just said is racist .
She's the head of the PTA . She's the head of the PTA , oh yeah .
No , it'd be a mess . It'd be a mess . How could she be racist ? Yeah , yeah . Plus she's got a black friend , like your friend with the football player friend , Like it'd be like . Plus , you know , I talk to Deborah all the time . She never says I'm racist .
Yeah yeah , her black friend is a work colleague by the way .
Oh , to be clear , just to make sure everybody knows . To be clear , to be clear .
I got a phone case of me and Coach standing next to each other with a thumbs up and I just hold it up . That's it . How could I be racist ? Look at this guy Before you go on .
I let him in the picture . And our thumbs are up . In case you're not noticing , that's his black arm around my shoulders .
That's his .
I did not photoshop his black arm .
It is his actual black arm . Those are my bona fides . But listen , it's a whole thing . We can get into it . The point is ay , ay , ay , ay ay . Steve thinks it's so funny All of these Mexicans running around Amigo , they're not like us . That's why it's funny , because they're not like us . I can tell you he says funny huh , music kicks in .
¶ The Modern Cowboy and Justice Porn
We get a close up on Wayne who turns , he turns .
There's a new sheriff in this town . I'm telling you he is the fucking modern cowboy .
Yes See , I don't know , this is justice porn . That's what this is .
Yeah , because we all want to straighten that person out , right ? When you hear a story like this , this is not just like we have different politics , this is you are horrible . You are a horrible , horrible human being .
Yes horrible .
What in the world did you just do ? Yeah , and he's like nope , guess what , you picked the wrong fucking day and you picked the wrong fucking guy .
So , boss , walk us through what happens after . Wayne realizes what's going on , he stares at the car , at the van pulling away and , oh , actually , before we do that , we get a scene here . Actually , yeah , boss , walk us through this one too . Dell walks into the church .
Yeah , it's just a quick scene . She walks in still tugging at her dress , still not entirely comfortable . She has a backpack with her . It's one of those cases where , yes , this is the best black dress she could do , and so she's wearing it , even though it's not exactly right .
It's the dress that her friend Kenny gave her from the thing and she's tugging at it right .
The one that he said you were going to wear that sexy dress to a funeral . Like it's not right but it's the best you could do , so it's fine . So she's watching . There are kids running around , which is something that's going to happen at funerals . Sometimes .
It's a weird juxtaposition with the happy children running past the casket , but she's sort of watching the scene and figuring out where she's supposed to go and what she's supposed to be doing and moving in that way .
Don't forget to look from the nun when she walks in . Oh , of course , I really like this .
And it's not even that the nun is disapproving so much as it's like she notices . It's not right , it's not a oh , what's this for do right here . It's more of like a oh , that's , that was the right one . You didn't wear the right dress , not me . Just sort of like oh yeah , no this is .
Yeah the face on the nun . I was trying to look up to see who played the nun because I just love it . It's like a really good face , the way she . We have a little beat with her again . She never has a line in this , but she just studies Del when she walks in and she has sort of it's not even disapproving , it's like a concern .
But the face of this actor is so world , weary and tired and she's like , oh , she's noticing that it's comfort . I remember when I was a little kid , my dad telling me the Lord doesn't care what you wear to church , he just asks that you wear your best . Just do your best . If that's the best you can do , it isn't mine .
If it could be dungarees , he wants you in his house , dungarees we have to come back to that word .
I love that you can wear your dungarees .
If that's the best you have , the Lord will not fault you . And I was thinking I was probably three and I was like what a cool Lord , oh , oh .
So the Ted Lasso goes here ? Oh yeah , seriously .
No shit , but this is when girls come back together though , because my dad was a dungarees guy , we don't have to get hung up there , but that's very funny . Like you , just totally like . I got like a warm feeling . You use the word dungarees and I was like oh .
Yeah , that's a different error right .
Yeah , totally different , dungarees .
Yeah , okay , keep going , walk us through this boss . So Dell walks in .
She walks in , she's looking and then there's a cut to her like from outside of the room with the fuse and everything else and focuses on the phone . She looks over at the phone Like it's sort of a can I call for help or can I get out of here ? Like it's sort of a lifeline in a . I am uncomfortable and it's just a phone a phone .
Yeah , just a phone that is mounted on the wall of the . You know the ? This is the craziest thing . I just remember this word from growing up I told you I used to go to church .
Used to go to the Greek Orthodox church in the morning and then over to my dad's Lutheran church right afterwards every Sunday and the outer lobby where you walk in before you get to the church part . Do you know the word for ? I don't know what ? Is it different religions ? But I know Vestibule .
Okay , that's , yes , that's right , that's what I would call it to . But in the for the Lutherans they called it the narthex . Oh , interesting , yeah .
I know it's just like a word you would never hear , but it's like , so that would be like oh , the phone was there in the narthex and I was like , I've said the word narthex to people before and they're like I don't have the foggiest thing . What is it ? Are you like ? Is that a sci-fi thing ? Like I don't know , that's just what they right ?
Yes , a little bit , but that's what they call it . The outer vestibule area , the entry entryway . So we get a rack focus . We see a phone in the foreground , dell looking at it side long from the background , and then we rack focus to feature the phone and now we cut and boss , take us through this cut .
We're straight on with an approaching van with Eric the homeowner driving the illegals and he's got the radio blaring on some far right channel .
Oh yeah , and who was it ? It wasn't illegal and now it's happening here . It just going on the same sort of rush limbaugh blend back or shit about how everything is everybody else's fault . And then from the side we see Eric's precious Dodge Charger Right . Is that what you decided that car was ? I think , yeah , driven by a challenge .
Oh that's a challenge .
Yeah , yeah , a challenger .
that's it , a challenger . We're not entirely sure who it's driven by quite yet , but as it pulls next to and then in front of the van , we see that the sunroof opens . There's a shot on the hammer and the hammer comes flying out the roof and hits the windshield , causing Eric to spin around . Obviously he can't drive anymore .
And then we realize that Wayne was driving the car , even though he said he didn't know how to drive .
Yeah , we don't yeah .
He figured it the fuck out , though , when it was time for justice , didn't he ?
He figured it out , the guy is so banging in the . They're like where are you taking us ? Just hop back here . They're on , something's going on . I don't think it was wrong . And they get that . The challenger pops out , sidles up against the van .
We can't see into it because the tinted windows it pulls out in front of the moving van on like a it looks like a two lane street , like a little wider than that , and the crate you don't need . Still , you don't see that Wayne is driving . You don't see this .
But you see an insert of the ball peen hammer on the passenger seat and when the moon roof opens it comes flying out as both cars are moving and it hits the windshield of the van right in front of Eric the homeowner . Spiders , spider , glass breaks . Go ahead , coach .
I have to tell you that in my dreams of this world I am this part of Wayne , or this part of Wayne is what I would be . I would literally be somebody who like like a one man , 18 , where you would just call and be like , hey , my neighbor just did this shitty thing and I'd be like , oh , is that right ?
Hmm , I'll be right over and I would just straighten them the fuck out . No , police , no , anything , no , I don't give a shit . By the time anybody comes to figure out what's going on , I've moved on to the next town and the next asshole Like I . Just this you could , you could show me this as like my grown up version of a bedtime story .
And this character .
Wayne throws the ball , peen hammer and hits the windshield , and I'd be like , oh and just cuddle up and go to sleep .
There's a version of this in cultures everywhere . Because it's interesting . It's weird because for it to be part of white culture , it's anyway . Sean Simmons , show creators is threading so many needles , seriously .
And it's like because it's so hard to make this kid as a white kid , first of all , believable , second of all , someone that you root for because he's part of part of the majority . But , like , did you guys ever watch Longmire ? Either one of you ever watched the show long . No . So there was a there was a character like this .
It wasn't based , it wasn't like the primary focus of the show , but it dealt with a lot of Native American reservations and on the reservation , when the res cops , who were seen as sort of duplicitous and like sort of in bed with the wealthier members of the Native American community , when you really needed justice , you would ask for Hector , and Hector was like
this figure who , just like you , do something bad enough in on the res Hector would , would fuck you up like in the worst possible way , and everybody knew it was like the actual law , it was like the re . And so what we're getting here in this , in this scene with Wayne , is no one's doing anything .
They're gonna , they're gonna , they're happy to let all these guys who worked really hard be carted away as some sort of joke . And Wayne has . He cannot , he is compelled to make a difference , so he smashes the windshield . We see the car back up at full speed , screeched to a halt behind the now right in front of the now stopped van .
And now it gets really interesting . And this is where I know both Boston coach or smile . You can't see them right now . This is where coach always goes . I can't believe you're doing this to the sweet little buttercups . They're such nice people you can't show them this . Right , and I say like I say keep in mind , this is justice porn , this is the .
This is the exaggerated form of our righteous indignation for a horrifically bad human being .
Not gonna slow you down , keep going . But righteous indignation is the perfect phrase for the the emotion of this , of this entire sequence . But go ahead .
We get a single of Wayne opening the door . We see his bottom half come out of the car and coach , you know , he's only a few feet away from the van . And and what do we see ? Drop right next to him in front , the frame is his lower body , and we see his hand drop down . And what is in ?
his hand , coach , it is a nail gun . And if you don't know that it's a nail gun , you got some surprises coming or even more surprises coming . I knew it was a nail gun and I was like oh shit , Cause I've used a fucking nail gun .
So I was like oh , oh , this is going to go super dark now , Like yeah , so anyway , but a nail gun drops in , and I love that .
When they go to the next shot , which is Wayne , sort of out of focus , approaching the van , and Eric come stepping out of the van , the the it's the nail gun is now out of frame and even though it's not a POV shot point of view sorry , even though it's not a POV shot I feel like it brings us into Eric's experience of this moment , Cause he's like what
the fuck ? And he's looking at his face , which one would . But he'd be much better off realizing there's a nail gun in this guy's hand and not getting out of that fucking van , which I'm going to toss this in just free for the folks who stuck with us this long .
I'm always amazed by people who get in conflicts or have an issue when they're in a car and get out of the car . I'm like you're in a 2000 pound weapon . Absolutely , Absolutely . What are you doing ?
But Eric gets . Eric sees it's him . He's got to look on him like I can't believe . Who the fuck do you think you are stealing my car ?
He's still , yeah , he's on that .
Yeah , yeah , he still doesn't realize what's going on .
¶ Wayne's Act of Justice
Eric opens the door , the driver side door . Wayne is charging him . He opens the door . He's got his right hand on the inside of the driver door and coach , take it away .
So we get to the , we get to the car , wayne , and then this is super significant though , glorious hell Wayne takes his hand as he steps out of the van , takes his hand , puts it up against the side panel of the van and goes full on my girlfriend's a church .
So I got Jesus on my mind , nail through the fucking hand and nails him to the , then the other hand to the door , like he literally crucifies this fucking guy for his evil behavior and then opens the back .
Well , wait , wait , he pulled wallet out . When he does that , oh ?
that's right , that's right . So you can't stop me now . You blink and you miss it .
You blink and you miss it . Yeah , you're right , he does this thing right . And then look at he grabs the wallet and then walks to let the guys out of the van yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , you're right , he doesn't .
But here's the thing again he's here for justice , he's not here for money . The guy doesn't owe him money . He doesn't take his wallet , he takes it all for him , but he immediately gives it to the guys he owes the money , like he's just here to balance the scale , like he's not . This is not like he is a cowboy , he is the ATV . He is like that's what ?
This ? It's brilliant , it's so good , but he is left there bleeding from his hands , so sorry .
This idea of Wayne being there for justice . I've got a lot to say on this because of the field I work in and a lot of the thinking around nonprofit and charitable work , and I will be happy to talk for hours with people in the community site or if anybody wants to tweet at me because I've got more shit to say about it .
But one of the most important things , cassiton , you talk a lot about , if you could snap your fingers and change it , you would make it a helping society .
Helper economy .
And I don't disagree with you on that . I just think it gets a little bit trickier than that , because you could very easily veer into a savior economy in that way , in that if you focus on yourself as being a person who , I am helping others , that is about you .
Then that isn't about focusing on the work or focusing on the people that is .
This is actually a position you hear a lot In UN circles . Sometimes they have refugee camps and then you have generations of refugee camps where kids are born in the camp and they go . We're not , we're not , we've now . It was supposed to be helping , but now we're like we haven't empowered these people to help themselves .
So I understand where you're coming from . But yeah , my version would work for the record . It would work perfectly without any hiccups . Yeah .
Obviously , yes , Ideally it would . I mean , it's just like in the much , much darker side , you end up with white women from middle America going to Africa to set up medical clinics to help treat children who are dying of malnutrition , even though they have literally no medical training .
Because when you're helping it's so important that you're helping , that just helping is good , even though it's fucking not Again . I can , I will discuss this a bunch , but what I want to focus on so much is that , wayne isn't here for any of that bullshit . He is not here at all , at all for himself .
This is about doing what is right and doing the good thing , and I'm just going to full on . Quote two women of color who say it way better than I could . Brittany Packnett wrote how to Spend Her Privilege for the Caught Back from 2018 , and she writes about helping and about charity and activism and advocacy work .
The most important step is this train yourself towards solidarity and not charity . You are no one's savior . You are a mutual partner in the pursuit of freedom .
Lila Watson , an Aboriginal activist and artist , once said if you've come here to help me , you are wasting your time , but if you've come here because your liberation is bound up with mine , then let us work together .
I want to be free , I want you to be free , and you aren't free until I am , and that is actually , I think , the shit that we are seeing from Wayne but he isn't there . He thinks he's not . He's not there because he felt like he needed to go save those guys . He is there because somebody's being a fucking dick .
And I'm not going to . I'm not going to live in a world where we're going to sit around and chuckle about . I know . No , no , fuck that .
Yeah .
And I thought yeah , I'm with this .
We're all in this together
¶ Drama and Reflection on Personal Codes
. Alberto , the asshole , who's been an asshole to him the whole time , says what did he do ? Now they won't pay us . He's actually mad . He's such a dick that he's still not getting a situation .
He doesn't get that like you just were saved yeah .
Yeah . And then Wayne says you know he was going to send you an immigration . And meanwhile Eric is screaming call an ambulance . You fuck , he's screaming in pain . They're right there in front of him and no one's even giving a second look . Wayne tosses the wallet Eric's wallet to Alberto and Ramon says nice work , conan .
Wait , wait , wait , wait . Before that , though , if he's , somebody says , and I would have to go back , but somebody calls him gringo , local Gringo local . Yeah . And that's that's a brand of compliment .
Might be too strong , but it made me chuckle because at one point in my life I was hanging out with some guys and I present as I am black , but I present as black , so people just assume like I'm black American .
And so there's some guys I used to hang out with found out I was from Panama and for a while my nickname with that group of guys that never went on with me or whatever was Panama local , and it was cause I would do some crazy at shit . You know what I mean .
Like if shit went down like they knew they could like Orlando give a fuck man , it's fucking crazy . And so my nickname was Panama local with them . So when he called him gringo local , I was like he's not like oh you crazy white boy , like dismissive . He's like oh shit , you crazy for real . Like we can hang out , you . Okay , I just want to highlight that .
But yes , nice work , conan was a great touch and no greater compliment for Wayne , right , like he just was referred to as Conan , yeah .
Yeah .
He loves .
Conan the barbarian , which is what he . He brought up that reference and Ramon was nice enough to remember it .
He runs up to Wayne quickly .
you know of Eric , of course . No , no , no , amigo . He calls them amigos . Now , Por favor , help me .
Oh , it's the worst , for for help , yeah , it's like oh , now , now , oh yeah , now we're , now , we're reaching across cultural lines , Are we ? Yeah ?
Yeah , yeah , ramon takes the nail gun from from from Wayne . He says you take care of that girl , okay , and and that's it . They , these guys dip and they , everybody leaves Eric crucified to the . He's not In life threatening for those people listening . Yeah , life threatening situation . It hurts like hell , but he'll , he'll heal . Yeah , he'll be fine .
We match cut , of course , to a picture of the .
I mean this is phenomenal , like what are we doing ?
What other ? I'm just saying this doesn't happen . It's so good . I mean , you just don't get this in certain shows , or whatever . Anyway , keep going .
So I just wanted to point this out . All right , I'll be .
I'll be quick because I'm the one who's extended this into a five day recording , All right , so at one point short version is we had a dog named Brooklyn and if I've mentioned this , which I am almost sure I have at some point , some irresponsible dog owners up the street let their crazy rot while I lose and essentially the dog killed the whole thing .
By the way , people doing things their own way , I busted out a car window because of that incident I told you all about . Daphne is at present in the middle of a lawsuit against those folks and I bet they wish I had busted out their fucking window because she is like your way may be polite , but it is fucking brutal , but anyway .
But but I bring this up because I had a very difficult time not going full Wayne even I didn't know about Wayne yet on the people up the street because they were horrible . And coach , I don't know if you remember this , but you talked to me and you said oh yeah , no , I didn't know why you're having a hard time . It's because you are not of this place .
You live by a basic code and I remember you saying it to me like very plain , like you're like you need to understand this . You and I live by a code of how things should be in this world . You realize this is a gross violation of how it should be in this world .
And it like and so I watch this and I go , yeah , see , like this to me If you put me on this jury . I'm like , yeah , well , I mean , fuck that guy . You know I get , you have to have rule of law , I get all the things . But yeah , so , but you have an inside that people live again and again .
People on the buttercups are here because they have similar codes . Boss has her own and the code is not . Our code is not the same one as we have , but it's a code and it's like you have a fundamental understanding .
That's it , and it's so many people are do not have the same limitations and the Erics of the world will try to hurt and take , take , take from everybody else . It's terrible and you keep walking us through this here .
Yeah . So it's very quick scene where it pulls back from the crucifix and it shows Dell going into one of the pews to sit down , sort of looking at the widow in , still not entirely comfortable , but at least settling herself into a place .
¶ Wayne and Del's Connection in Church
It then immediately cuts to Carl and Teddy outside of the hotel room getting ready to go beat Dan's ass Like .
It's like a much that shitty drive-in motel . They're outside . Yes , I can't . I love it so much just from a framing perspective , the framing of this shot , because you have like a lady walking by with her gross .
They're just these two guys in track suits with the car battery on the ground outside this one of those ancient sort of like 1973 aluminum door , screen door , it's like the chain on it , and they're trying to get up the nerve to go kick Daddy's ass . Meanwhile this lady just walks by . It looks like one of the cleaning ladies from the .
Yeah , I love it so much .
One of them . They're talking about what they're going to do . One of them says are you ready ? And he says I was born ready . And he says a minute and 40 seconds after I was . What are we going to do if he's already laying down there like doing uppercuts and like getting ready ? And then I think Teddy says wait a minute . Voicemails .
Wait , hold on . I want to point out real quick that he says I'll wail on him . I'll wail on him , I'll hit him from the left , punch him in the dick , hold him down and I'll wail on him . Wail on somebody that this is such a . I don't know if that , if it's a .
I know it , but I think it's like sports stuff . I've been around guys who say that that's not like something I grew up saying when I was a little kid . But yeah , over time I did learn .
When you wail on somebody , it is full haymakers as fast as you can . It is like complete bludgeoning . What if he's already lying down ? Skip step one straight to the dick , just straight to the dick . What about their father ? Yeah , okay , on my .
Someone's got to beat up your dad .
On three , one , two , three , and then the cellphone chimes and Carl says hold on , hold on . Yeah , we got voicemails , and then he's gone by the way .
Yeah .
Yeah , Cell phones are individual aren't they ?
Yeah , no , okay .
Yeah , no , no , no , no . These would be the couple that has a joint email address . That is the joint voicemail . We got voicemails and it's Dell saying hey guys , happy birthday . The only person that I remember is Dell calling and making sure they leave a message .
And then , of course , they immediately change their mind about kicking . Happy birthday Teddy . Happy birthday Carl .
Yes , separates it . Make sure that each one of them get it .
To which they say what Thoughtful bitch that's fucking Dell .
Thoughtful bitch that's great , I'm embarrassed , let's go get that battery .
They don't decide not to beat up daddy , can't beat up daddy anymore . Oh my God , it's so good . Oh my God , these guys , I love them so much . I love these dumb characters . It's the greatest thing ever . It's amazing what ? Because we know that they have not been protectors of Dell . They've been part of the ruling class . They haven't been with her on this .
It's not like the three of them against daddy .
Oh , no , no , no no .
They're on daddy's minions . So , anyway , they walk away . And now we go back to the , we come back to the church in walks Wayne and coach . What does he do ? He's coming fresh from his own crucifixion .
Right , right . So he goes over to and I always forget , but where the Essentially where the holy water is in a Catholic church . You're supposed to cross these or whatever , cross yourself , so on .
And rather than any of that , because he's just put in a hard day's work , wayne takes a quick look around , figures he's not being observed and washes his face Because , hey , he's been hard at work building and wrecking and crucifying . And of course our nun sees this as well and thinks what in the hell is happening .
Her face reflects like the downfall of society , right , right .
Like what just happened ? Right , so , yeah , so we've got Wayne comes in , sits down really close to Dell , but not in a way that feels it's welcome . So it's like , oh , that's sweet that they're sitting so close to each other . They're here , big fucking deal . Just like she gave him a kiss on the cheek when he said he would vote for her for mayor , right .
Like it's like , okay , yeah , he's here , I want him to be here , yeah talk his cheap coach right Like the actions speak louder than words .
He is here . That's it he had to wipe into clean his face with holy water to get here . But he is here , he's sitting with her . The shot is beautiful . It's a framed two shot right in front of their pew . And okay , keep going coach .
I wanted to be here for Harry , Henry , but whatever . So I thought that was fun , that he's like trying to get his way work his way through it , Henry , but whatever . We gather here today to celebrate the life of Henry Dunn , the priest , who has now returned to his home with our God the father .
Very interesting choice in this very patriarchal setup that we've got going on .
While the priest is talking , Wayne has not seen Del in a get up like this . She's still in a very sexy dress .
She is in a sexy dress , yes .
And so Wayne . It keeps glancing to his left . He just kind of can't take his eyes off her .
Right , well , yes , I'm touching the chain , which I think is part of what draws his Del nameplate , but I love that he's so honest , like in Wayne's way honest that this is not that different than the moment he had when he was being cleaned up . Right , it's like are you looking at my breast ?
Yeah , yes , ma'am .
Yeah , you know what I mean . Like it's not , I don't know , somehow it feels like it's okay because he's attracted , but he's not trying to possess her or thinking I'm going to take that it's like he's like really like , oh my God , like yeah , hot stuff . So anyway it was .
I found it sweet To which she says what boss so ?
funny , but she's not mad .
She's not mad . She's like not enough . Like we're in a church .
She's like , hey , we're in church , you jerk , we're in church , but not like yes , yes , it's a yeah , he's not being elicit , that's a great word About it . I guess is the word Like it's . Yeah , he just is admiring .
So , yeah , I'm like sorry . We clearly see here that , though the pastor or the priest is talking about this gentleman , henry , that Del didn't know , we know she's having emotions around the loss of her mom and not being able to go to her funeral . She's playing with the necklace that says Del , which was the gift from her mom .
And then what does Wayne do , boss ? Put his arm around her . Put his arm around her , good boy . And she ? She pulls herself close to him and we smash to the Wayne title card .
So I know I forced this right right up until time . So there's something too in her reaction to him , with the knock it off , who's made her feel like this , like you're someone I would want to look at , like , given any number of places my eyes could go , I'd like for them to go in your direction and she seems kind of you know you want to .
You want to seem attractive to the person you also like and I just sort of enjoyed that . They played that subtly right , like it wasn't . Yeah , she felt so uncomfortable in that dress but Wayne's reaction to it makes her , at least to my eye , get a bit more comfortable .
Yeah , no , it feels good when , when you're , when you are attractive to somebody you're interested in and you know like damn , you look great , like it feels it's great . It's not , it's not the end of the world , it's not the beginning of the world , it's not . It's , but it's nice . And it's not the guy offering to asking to see her feet Right .
It's not that Exactly right . Yes , it's , it's adorable , he's very innocent and when we really think about things , and especially in this world , it's , it's like he's compelled to . He keeps glancing over , he's like I've never seen anything like this in my life .
Like , and she's like knocking off , it's playful , it is not , it is , there's nothing , it's only good . So when he puts his arm around her , which is , which is man , a big risk for him , not like saying , oh , he's a hero , look at this risk . But he senses that you know he's not again , it's , it is companionship and his closeness , it is , it is support .
It feels wholesome and good and appropriate and she recognizes it . It recognizes it as such and she pulls herself into him a little closer and then , and then we're out .
And he he , by the way , I think he follows Ramon's advice . He , quote , unquote , listens , right , like she doesn't say but he , he , we're at a funeral for a person . This person I care about doesn't know , and I'm sitting here watching her touch the chain I know came from her mother , whose funeral she didn't attend .
Like he's listened to the point where he can now go . I think the right thing to do is to put my arm around you and make sure you know that I'm not just here . I am here . I am here with you right now .
That's it , that's the version of , that's the physical version of listening is just being present . That's right . Like , sometimes listen , sometimes people need you to listen . Other times they just need you to show up and he , he , he has shown up . He did not have to . What a , what a , a , a probation of her emotional vulnerability that he recognizes .
I don't know what this is . I don't even like when he was trying to figure this out , when they were at the squatting in the house and she says you know , I don't need you to understand it , I don't even know why .
It makes sense to me Like whatever , like he could have been like all right , when you're done with that , let's get a nice room or something like . But he , that's not what this is . He is there to support her and he shows up . That's it 100% . Coach , where do people find you if they want to find you ?
The podcast unstuckaf . Check it out . We are , despite the delays getting them , season four recorded and done and ready to bring to you . Top of the year is what we've decided . So I can stop driving everybody crazy and we got three seasons there of amazing people telling amazing stories about how they got unstuck or getting unstuck . So check it out .
Yeah , and the bonus of no boss , and that's fine Boss where do people find you , if they ? Want to find you .
Still on Twitter , although more on blue sky , both places dumbly underscore chambers . You can message me or tweet at me and then get more information on the community , and that's where I'll be doing most of my talking .
We will pick it up next time with Wayne . Episode five is a oh boy , it is a doozy . It is entitled Dell , just Dell , and yeah , yeah , and man , it's something that stays with you , that episode . So we will do that and I want everyone to please support your local libraries and the written word , and until next time we are .
Richmond to .
Rich man .