¶ Ted Lasso Talk
Welcome to our Ted Lasso talk , the Tedcast . Welcome all Greyhound fans , welcome all you sinners from the dog track and all the AFC Richmond fans around the world . It's the Lasso way around these parts with Coach , coach and Boss , without further ado , coach Castleton .
Welcome back , beautiful people . Today we are discussing Wayne wayne . This is episode 10 . Buckle uh , the fuck up uh . But the fuck word fuck has two asterisks in it on youtube . So it's just buckle the f ? Asterisk , asterisk , k up , um , I think I knew what they meant , so I was just jumping .
Jumping to the conclusion , coach , uh , I'm your host , coach Castleton . With me , as always , is Coach Bishop .
Hey there , bear boy . I just love that from Reggie . It's so funny to me that he is that dumb . It is he's such a dummy ?
Listen , sometimes it's the strangest engines that make the railroad work With us .
Coach is our boss , emily Chambers fuck and not fork , because I have been sending things to my boss that are Totally inappropriate .
Totally inappropriate , wildly inappropriate .
Also , I would like to say Could you grab me a lunch ?
Yeah , do you need a fork . Do the last race . Can you grab me ?
Yeah , could you grab me a lunch ? Yeah , do you need a fork ? Can you grab me ? Yeah , could you grab me that lunch and also like at least two or three really good forks , um . I also would like to mention that parasocial relationships are weird and toxic and I'm , by and large , not into them .
But sometimes , while you're scrolling instagram , you find out that Osling B is several months pregnant and has just announced that at the Big Slick in Kansas City over the weekend . And then you have to shout at your phone oh honey , I am so happy for you , even though you've never met in real life and never will . But congratulations to Osling B .
Ok , on that topic and quickly because we're going to get to it On that topic and quickly because we're going to get to it . I was listening to a podcast called the Tedcast when . I found out that John Lovett and Ronan Farrow broke up and I felt like I had been betrayed and abused . I had to pause .
I was like wait , you don't just say something like that . I don't know why everyone else knew and I was in the dark , but my feelings were legitimately hurt , like I was like they're not that many couples that I look at and go . You know what ? I am actively glad you're together .
I am actively I like that that's happening in the universe and when you , I just I needed a moment . I really I was like I don't know either of these people , what do I care ? But I really needed a moment . After that , it's it's .
It is upsetting . I um have had both of them . To the best of my knowledge um not straight men definitely obviously um attracted to both of them weirdly . I'm usually not into blondes , but I like both of them weirdly . I'm usually not into blondes , but I like both of them very much . I was very sad when they broke up and then I was just .
I didn't know how to process the fact that John Lovett is on season 47 of Survivor . I don't know what to do with that information .
I'm kind of pretending it's not happening , Like I was even listening to Pod Save America the other morning and they were kind of talking about it and I was sort of pretending like oh , this is the fever dream part .
I'm just going to .
Bobby Ewing this shit and be done with it .
Like no way I can't start watching Survivor now , but also am I supposed to not watch him make a fool of himself in nature obviously ? Or win the whole damn thing maybe he'll win the whole damn thing because he's a political animal .
It would be hilarious if he won the whole thing . That would be amazing so neither of you have ever seen Survivor no , I watched the first season for sure , and I want to say I may have watched two seasons , I definitely watched the first season , but I haven't . Yeah , I haven't .
There are a couple good ones in there . I used to cover it a little bit . I'm fascinated by the relationships . There are a few good ones . I haven't watched all of them . Our producer , seth uh , dustin , and well and dan , most of our producers have uh watched almost all of them .
Um , but I would uh , coach , I would love to watch at least a couple episodes with you and maybe we do something on that .
Because here's the thing we we love to compartmentalize the people that we admire , and that's why they say never meet your heroes , because you say , oh , I know him as a political analyst and therefore that's what he is right and I've decided all I want from him . This is why it's difficult to have a generalist twitter .
If you just talk about six , six or seven different things , people unfollow you eventually because they're like I don't care about women's soccer or I don't care about you know you're the fact that you're a Democrat , not a Republican . You know , I don't care about that . What I care about is one thing , and I want this , this account , to mean one thing .
So we as human beings will sometimes , you know , force that compartmentalization on the people we like or admire or , uh , you know , see in one way , and I would like to push back against that and say that humans are complete humans . I mean , just listen , I know both of you from this podcast . I know what people see .
I know specifically here , I know what you show and what you don't , and I also know all the other stuff . Now , we're pretty honest about who we are outside of the podcast . I've never once heard any of us say something that was not true . We've been honest about it .
It's kind of a core value of we're not making up stories that are happening offline , but it's not the same as living it . It's not the same as seeing you and I've seen both of you offline and there's more of a picture there as living it .
It's not the same as seeing you and I've seen both of you offline and you know there's more of a picture there and and and even as you um curate the experiences for people in this medium , it still has the you know , the sort of locus of your communication about it . You know it's .
It's still conveyed in a mannerism that people are used to hearing from you . So anyway , maybe , coach , maybe we we explore that and just just see if see how it hits you .
Yeah , no , I'm very , I'm very curious . I know Jimmy Johnson was on a season and like there are a few names that I heard that I did sort of generally think , oh , I bet that'll be interesting . So I'd be definitely , I definitely would be open to to uh checking some stuff out .
But for me , with some I was this way I watched several seasons of like the real world , like I was early reality right , and there did come a point where I was like I kind of know what's gonna happen already . Like the first episode I'd be like , okay , so these two are gonna hook up , this one's gonna be an asshole the whole time .
Like the beauty of the first one is it really was a social experiment like no one had ever done that before . So these motherfuckers had no idea what it was going to be like .
So you really saw some shit that once you've watched the show for a season , two seasons , three seasons , five seasons , you kind of go on there to be a character like you kind of go on to be like I'm gonna be the party girl or I'm gonna be . You know what I mean .
So anyway , um , so I don't , I don't know that that happened with survivor because , like I said , at most I watched two seasons , and it very well could have been one . Yeah , at most I watched two , but it kind of felt like it could become that .
How much of that political alliance stuff could play straight once you'd watch people pull it off four know , four years in a row or whatever .
Anyway I wonder if anyone would be , would be curious . So one of our dear friends , um , is the creator of a reality show that has billions and billions of views .
Um , one of the top reality shows of all time , and I'm curious , maybe we have him on as a guest to sort of walk us through how he approaches it , how he comes at it , cause he is , it's funny . Uh , when you go into the , into the industry , you once upon a time it was like film side coach .
You went in film side right , like all the way , like I remember TV . I was like , oh , like TV , like go fuck yourself . I remember oh , coach , you're sorry You're on mute , but yeah , I was like it was like a joke . It was like TV was for if you couldn't make it in the film side it was .
It was JV . Yeah , we got . I feel like we got here right when that was like shift , like the shift was beginning , and we lived through the shift . There was definitely a like film , tv , like vibe , when , when we were first out here for sure , uh , if we were I just realized who you're talking about . By the way , it took me a second .
I was like who the hell do we know ? And then I was like , oh , of course , yeah , and yeah , it would be kind of fascinating . Yeah , he told me some crazy ass stories of what he's had to like negotiate and get through .
I have , oh , no , no , no , it's like nothing you've ever heard , and I don't know what we can share , so I'm not going to share anything out of out of abundance of caution .
But listen , we came in at a film side and I remember I was talking to a gentleman who was actually running Netflix , the chairman of Netflix Films at the time and I told him we had sort of come into the industry at the same time . He came in the same as us , coach , he was like why didn't any of us think to just go on the TV side ?
There was no competition . Why didn't we he's like I said did of us think to just go on the TV side ? There was no competition . Why didn't we ? He's like it was . He's like . I said did you ever think about a TV ? And his answer was fuck . No , he's like that's embarrassing . He's like that would have been .
that would have been like a capitulation to a thought . I'm not going to make films , television and now and even and even worse is the world of reality .
back then it was like , oh you're going to reality and and it's just like an embarrassment .
It's like a , it's like a joke , it's , it's like once upon a time when people would say , oh , are you ? You're a writer . And you say , yeah , are you a novelist , are you a screenwriter , are you a playwright ? Or no , no , I write online . They're like , oh god , it's like the reality . Yeah , I'm a blogger . Yeah , I'm a blogger .
it was like what , yeah , no , it's like the reality TV , yeah , I'm a blogger . Yeah , I'm a blogger . I was like what , yeah , no . It's funny how those things like so my daughter .
She was doing her homework at college and she said to me oh God , I said I hear that she has ADHD , so part of her brain she likes to keep occupied . I said , oh , I hear you're listening to some stuff while you're working . Yeah , you're working , yeah , I always do my work and I have a show on in the background .
And I said what , um , what show you got ? Oh , no , no , no , I don't know . I don't need that judgment from you . I said what do you mean ? Like that ? She's like I know you , I know what a snob you are . As soon as I tell you what show , uh and uh , and she says , okay , she tells me , and it's the reality show that our friend made .
So I said , oh , is that right ? And so when she came home from college for the summer , I just did a Zoom call . It wasn't Zoom , but we did a call with my friend and I put my daughter on and then he answered all her questions and it was so great for her to say , hey , whatever happened here .
Like you know , you watch a show and you're like jeez , I wonder what happened behind the scenes . You know , you know , and um , and . And she got to sit there and have every question answered about what happened behind the scenes for real that nobody else you know , nobody , no viewer , no uh , would ever see .
And then yesterday we get a huge package in the mail and he had sent her all this swag from the show . And it was game worn and then when she was like ask him who wore this stuff , and when she found out she was like jumping around the living room . You know what I mean . It's like so exciting to have he's a good guy , absolutely .
You know what I mean . It's like so exciting to have , yeah , absolutely , and he's . He's unbelievably intelligent and uh , and he's an amazing human being . And watching him try to be a good person and run it run a reality show has been , uh , absolute joy . Um , but yeah , maybe we'll have him on the show .
I'll see , see if I can bring him on because he has some insight for sure . Okay , boss , did you have anything before we get cooking ? Usually you have some anecdote that makes me want to die . Do you have any of those before we start ?
No , I mean I already told you about the Godzilla joke . Yes , that's the only thing I can think of . Recently that was the 10-year-old niece . One of the higher numbers should be Godzilla .
Oh no , I like that , I'm with it .
That's all I got , nothing else to break your spirit .
Good , oh , phew , alright , I live another day .
¶ Reggie's Unnecessary Confrontation With Wayne
Where we left off with Wayne was Reggie walking into . You know he clubbed officer Darren , knocked him out with a with a plastic Fisher price microphone that coach didn't buy . Coach called bullshit .
I don't know about that .
No , no , no , I , I , I was , I was , I was boss . Yeah , boss called .
Well cynic . You don't know how hard Reggie hits , clearly .
He can hit you with a marshmallow and out you go . I know the tinsel strength of one of those microphones . That's what I'm basing this moron .
Yeah , no , no , so you feel like the microphone would go before the officer yeah , absolutely , your skull is thick .
I mean , I'm speaking specifically to Castleton in this case . Your skull is thick . But in general also it does protect your whole brain , top of my back , but like it glanced off the top of my head too , when it broke yeah and so yeah , and I was like , yeah , I was like , yeah , I do have thick bones , that is , that is true .
Um , so thank you for noticing , boss . I know that you meant that as a compliment , and , and , and , always in love . Um , I'm gonna take it that way I .
I mean , I spent the past weekend re-watching ghosts because I'm still infatuated with the caveman . So obviously , like , having a thick skull is not a knock against you necessarily , it's right up my alley .
You're infatuated with the caveman , like Neanderthals .
Yeah , from ghosts , I talked about it , ghosts BBC . There's a caveman named- .
Oh , I'm sorry . Yes , sorry , sorry , I didn't make that connection . Yes , right the goat .
I have it . I have a big crush on .
Right , God , that's disturbing you . You love to just pick these wayward creatures and these lost puppies and these absolute nightmare people and decide to have crushes on them . It is so .
I make poor decisions and I have terrible taste in men .
Yeah , yep , I make poor decisions and I have terrible taste in men .
Yeah , yep , and seen so where the boyfriend's like , oh my God , he'd be the first one that sounds like to be like yes , yes correct that .
Yeah , he , no , actually he was like you're watching ghosts again . I was like , well , I still have a crush on Robin . So what do you have a crush on the caveman ? And I was like , oh , I'm sorry . He's secretly the smartest and funniest and most interesting in a weird way , and also , like , has a depth that most people don't see .
You can't understand why I would be attracted to him . And he was like I don't know what you're trying to tell me about me , but I don't want to hear it .
And I'm like , ok , that's fine , that's fair . Too much truth . I'm moving on , I got it . It's a good it's a good partner for you boss um , okay , so , uh .
So reggie uh is about to leave with the keys and he turns and he sees his good old boy , wayne uh reggie , tied up like a goddamn animal , and this is where we left off now so I just want to toss this in because it's gonna matter , I think , as talk .
It could matter as we talk about the rest of this episode . I , some years ago and I may have offered this on here at some point came up with the definition of an asshole , and the definition of an asshole is somebody who causes unnecessary pain . And here Reggie's being such a grade A asshole . Like you've got your key , you can go take your car .
He's arrested Right . So he's already fucked . He's got his own problems . You could laugh at him and walk away , but not Reggie . I just want to point out . Like he could have had his car and been gone and he chose to turn back . To quote unquote fight a man with one arm shackled to a desk .
So I just want to like level set .
what is happening ?
It's a little bit of a spoiler , Coach , but thanks .
Yeah , we definitely thought that they were going to make up right now .
¶ Animal Behavior and Character Development
The other thing . I will say one other thing . I find just up against the edge of believability . Reggie would 100% be in jail right now . He punched an officer of the law so hard that he busted his jaw . He would still be being processed . Like if Wayne is still in jail and Calvin is still in jail , reggie is still going to be in jail .
Yeah , how did he end up not in jail ? Calvin's in jail ? Yeah , actually I didn't . You know what ? They slipped it right by me . They slipped it right by me , there's some sort of pregnancy joke in there , but .
I just talked about Osling B and I don't want to tarnish her reputation so I'm just going to let it go .
I love it .
I'm just happy that she's happy . That's good . I really like her . Every time you say Osling , it doesn't sound right to me , but I'm sure you know better than I do it is Osling .
I think that's what I've heard when they've introduced her .
Okay , well , that's probably right then .
I should probably double check to make sure I'm .
No , I don't know . It just feels like I don't know . It just feels like I don't know .
I don't know where I heard a different version . The Irish have the weirdest fucking names .
Yeah .
Saoirse .
That's the series .
Yeah , oh , you know what I just ? I ended up watching the Tourist which has what's his face ? Jamie Dorn from Fifty Shades of . Grey yes which has what's his face ? Jamie Dorn , from uh 50 shades of gray , he plays an Irish guy who is in Australia .
I saw that . Actually that show yeah . You know I watched the series . Who's in that ?
Yeah , who's in ? Who's in the second season ? It's Wayne . Mark McKenna shows up .
Oh , I never saw the second season . You know , that's Tim . No , that's not Tim mentionsins , he had another one . No , that's , yeah , the Tourist , right , yeah , yeah , yeah , okay , right . No , I didn't realize that . Anyway , is that right ?
So yeah , they go to Ireland in the second season and those names are fucked . They have so many consonants and no consonant , sounds it . I don't understand how they would cooperate .
It's funny because I was watching a show the other day and I saw the name James Earl and I was like James Earl ? And I was like who is that ? And it's Officer J Cop of Soup and he's like he was on Grey's Anatomy and he's on Shameless Narcos Insecure .
You know I'm like damn so . So those are all legit credits . So I'm gonna feel a little silly here . But I'm watching a um joellen bead commercial and I look at the block , like so it's joellen bead sitting and they're deciding on a hairstyle for Joelle Embiid , and then they try this , try that , try that , and then Juju Watkins why is my brain doing that ?
The USC women's basketball player is in the next chair , so they end up giving him her signature hairstyle .
Juju .
Watkins . I look up and I'm like the barber is Officer J . Oh , I got so excited . It was like , see , you know , when we first got out here and you'd see some friend of yours who's an actor , like just you know . Or in New York , you'd see some friend of yours who's playing coffee barista two and you're like , oh my . God that was the way it felt .
I jumped up and down like I knew that was like I knew him . I'm like , oh my god , officer jay's in the commercial , yeah no , he's , he's legit , he's done , he's got some good credits .
It's so strange to look through and go , okay , what did these guys do ? What are these guys ? Some , this is all they did . Some people , that was it stopped right at lane . And then the rest of them is you . The rest of their filmography is them . You know hustling for student films and you go . How the hell you know some .
It's just it's sort of crazy how all of that plays out . But coach rightly points out that Reggie saunters in after the beauty shot , after clubbing Darren and and boss , will you walk us through what's happening here in the scene ?
Yeah . So after he turns around and says oh hey , hey Reggie , or the back and forth , he goes over to the desk and picks up .
It seems to be like a windup toy of some sort or something like a windup gator mouth or something right .
A gate ? Yeah , because obviously , why wouldn't you have that ? I guess that makes sense some sort or something like a wind-up gator , mouth or something right a gate ? Yeah , because obviously why wouldn't you have that ? I ? Guess that makes sense , of course . Why ? Why wouldn't you have that in florida ? Um , so he says , hey , you ever watch animal planet .
It starts telling a story about how did you know that hyenas don't have any brothers or sisters . Because you know why ? Because when they're real small , in the litter , fighting for their mama's titty Gross .
Their mama's titty Fighting for their mama's titty .
For their mama's titty . Well , you see , the toughest baby , hyena . See , he kills his brothers and sisters .
Shouldn't always be he , or there'd be no more hyenas , or there'd be no more hyenas , or there'd be no more hyenas , more titty time for his self . Okay , no , I am glad you reacted , but titty , when a breast is being used , it's just not good .
I will exclaim tits in the positive like fuck , yeah , I will . Tits , absolutely . I think that that works also . Titty bar , for some reason I'm totally fine with , but like as an adjective I'm okay , as a noun , no , it doesn't . I don't feel comfortable with that .
I thought boobs much better . Encompasses the general .
Boobs is great , boobs is just a fun word .
Why does boobs sound less ? There's something about titty that sounds derogatory and I'm like there's no reason that it's derogatory .
It's sharper too . Somehow it is sharper , maybe that's what does it . There's a , yeah , there is a boobness to an actual breath .
There's a fullness to the word and then , it's oh yeah , and then there's it feels like , because of the accuracy of it , like there's something about titty that makes it feel like it's trying to be something . It's not . It's weird , I agree , weird . I . I agree with everybody else , yeah , um , I would .
I would also like to point out okay , so the reason that reggie is saying all this is uh , now I know you ain't gonna stop coming for my car .
Well , this is a little shift and I really like this , like because I was like wait , reggie is able to connect animal planet and the fighting brothers and sisters on animal hyena babies with his real life experience . I was like huh , reggie .
And then he gets like more , much more serious when he says now I know you ain't going to start , stop coming from my car . Like my emphasis Right .
Well , one of the things that I thought was weird about that is that there was in the beginning a fight over maureen . He said mama , would you cut my meat the way that I like it , like he was trying to prove that he and maureen had a connection , that wayne and maureen did not .
But now it's been transferred to the car either because he knows maureen kicked wayne out and so he's not worried about that . Whatever it is , there's still this tension between well , on Reggie's side towards Wayne , but so he says you're never going to stop coming for my car . I would like to briefly mention here what he's saying about hyenas isn't even true .
It is true that often hyenas will have only one pup , but that is because childbirth is so dangerous for the hyena mom and the babies that they often die in childbirth . This whole thing about how they fight over the titty for the milk yeah , it's complete bullshit . It's another one of those like alpha wolf bullshit things it's .
We see things sometimes , uh , about animals in captivity and then assign it values about how they naturally act , and then we're like , oh well , we should be the alpha male . No , you fucking made that up . You're an asshole and you were trying to say that this is a natural tendency because of some shit . That isn't even true about wolves .
¶ Navigating Deception and Dark Humor
So I have to first of all thank you , because I Thank you for being an expert on titty tat .
Oh , that's going on my profile . That was quality .
That worked . Some jokes work on levels and I was like that got some good . Coach Bishop mimicry , the titty callback , that was pretty good stuff , but it's my own fault . And why did I allow myself to watch Reggie do all these episodes and then take as gospel some assessment he came away from Animal Planet with Like ?
that's on me . You're curious and not judgmental .
That's why you see what I'm saying . I'm like , oh look , reggie knows something . Let's on me , you're curious and not judgmental . That's why you see what I'm saying . I'm like , oh look , reggie knows something , let's all learn .
But I bring it up because , right now in particular , I feel like almost like , as far as I'm concerned , like I've never experienced before , there's a whole swath of outright lying .
I'm not even talking about , like , the political stuff where we're like whatever , I'm just saying like people putting out fake quotes from some athlete , like the holy , like not misquote , not whatever . Uh , you know , fuck , mother theresa and the Pope . To LeBron James , I'm like what , like , what the fuck ? Wait , he said that Exactly and you go .
And then , because I'm like , and it's so dastardly because most I don't know , I'll speak about myself If I don't have a sense that there's a reason for you to lie , I don't , my guard isn't as up about the lying Right .
So because I'm like , why would like , this must be right , like I just sort of shrug and listen and I'm like , I like I might have repeated it , oh yeah , it's just like the baby hyenas .
And I'm like , wow , you have to check everything this is why we should all listen when Winston Churchill said you can't believe everything you see on the internet . Like his , words are .
His words are very important . That is that that one is really quality .
Okay , it works if you have the presupposition that people know . So my first screenplay that ever sold I was a comedy and on the title pit you just have the title . It's it's it's thought of historically . It's a little different now , but it's not of historically . It's kind of bush league , if you have anything but the title on the front cover .
But I put a quote on the front cover . I don't even remember the quote now , but it was something like along the lines of let's get this motherfucking party started , or this isn't my first goddamn motherfucking rodeo or something like that . And then it's attributed to Mahatma Gandhi and it was meant to be so obvious that you laugh before you flip the page .
Before you start this we haven't even got , yeah , we have not gotten started and it worked like a .
It worked . It was like oh so good and so that was great . That part of it's great . But in the now it's not . And Coach you say that Like oh , there's all these false attributions and it's not . And coach you say that like , oh , there's always false attributions , and that's before .
Deep faking is becoming as present and it is I'm , how will you tell I'm ? So you'll have people who really did things who just go . Yeah , I was just joking . Locker room talk the and then the other right and then the other side will be . I've never been to Dubai , so I'm pretty sure that's not a video of me fucking a camel . But here we are .
It's going to be insane . It's going to be insane .
I try to think about all the great things that I wish people who had passed away would have seen . And then for my own death , which is coming down the tracks at any time who knows what's coming . I try to think of things I can't wait to miss , like all the deepfake stuff . So I'll put it in my like a thought locker .
I say , okay , if I have things I'll be psyched to miss out on . It's trying to analyze whether or not you know some future political figure . You really did . You know drive a .
You know run a bus off a road or something you're like right right this is gonna be so hard to anyway , um I mean , this is like how I am really really sad that I'm not going to be able to find the fake skeletons I've hidden in the walls of my apartment .
So when eventually they pull down the building like somebody's going to be freaked out , but I'm very happy that they're not going to find the real skeletons I put in my walls . So that's , that's the flip side .
Figure if there's enough skeletons .
Balance it out .
How are they going to know which ones I killed and which ones are fake ? They never will .
How do they know which ones I killed and which ones I just put in there , which other people I just dragged in there and said be quiet , I'm going to do like a casket ?
Montiato on you here . This is going to be so funny . In 20 years you won't believe it . The payoff on this joke is so good .
That's really funny . This is quite Poe , though . You're right , and I haven't heard that the cask of , I can't even say what it is Montiado . Montiado yeah , I haven't read . It's weird . I fell in love with Poe one summer .
That was like one of our like summer reading lists blah , blah , blah and absolutely like ripped through it and Coach you know , extensive reading with a vague deadline oh God , not something that happened for people like us . Looking back , I'm like , oh my God , summer reading was such a nightmare but that I tore through .
I read every short story and like if they'd called my house and said we canceled summer reading , it would not have changed my pace at all . I was so like these stories are amazing . I just remember that feeling and I've promised myself over the years at some point I'm just going to go back and read them as a man .
But I was 13 years old or whatever and I just remember going like what ?
the fuck it is . For so many people Poe has become so accessible . This is Edgar Allan Poe . For friends who are just referencing Poe , it's not the character from Altered Carbon , although that is what he was based on . But Edgar Allan Poe can be the entree into got horror for a lot of , you know , young Americans and I had the same response coach .
And then I did go back and read him and I realized , like man , I hate Poe , I hate Poe . Oh , no .
I know , I know it is so it's like almost that is not where I put this .
No , I know .
It's almost sacrilege to say , but I hate how he his sentence construction .
I hate how is he ? Yeah , no , you would think like oh , I went back like an old love and then I was like oh , god right how did we ever date right like this is ? terrible . Um , no , the stories are great , it's just how he does it . Sometimes I go , oh my god , um , but yeah , no , it's uh .
But it is , it's , it's , it , it's uh , the oeuvre to to another world . If you have not um experienced it before . And so it is . It's great stuff . And and that has spawned , you know the , the popularity of his work has spawned I don't even know millions of pages of of . You know other similar work , okay .
So , speaking of horror , wayne is chained to a desk and Reggie has a different look , a not-so-funny Reggie comedic look on his face . I know you ain't going to stop coming from my car , so I'm going to have to make you stop .
Not necessarily what you want to hear , when one of your hands is absolutely of no use to you Not just one of your hands , but also you can't move . Yeah , no . Like he's chained to a desk . This is not great .
It's a handcuff but there's a chain and it's not a standard length handcuff for those who just listen to us and don't watch you cheap bastards . Just watch the God damn . What do I have to do ? How many breakdowns Will you knock it off ? You don't have to watch , that's fine . Coach is defending all the sweet , wonderful buttercups .
We love you very much , thank you .
They came in , danny Rojas , I just want them to wash .
All right anyway . So the visual medium , um but um . Yeah .
No , it's not a standard length handcuff , it's like a , it's like a manacle somehow or something , it's like like , yeah , like the shackles , like when you see like a prison movie , when they're moving people from one place to the other , and they're like yeah , 18 to 24 inch of length .
Yeah , um , uh . He says I gotta make sure you don't come back . And then to continue the the um , the allegory that we love so much , what does he say here , coach ?
make sure you don't come back for that today oh you know , I don't I don't hate it with the Dave Chappelle impression that I don't hate as much After I said it .
I was like , wait , that's from us . And I thought it it's so funny that you caught that , because I was like where did that come from ? I was like , oh , that's Chappelle , oh it's Chappelle there it is .
And Wayne says what here , boss I ?
don't care about the car , no more . Yeah , he's like just nonplussed . I don't care about the car , no more . He says bullshit . Wayne says I don't , you can have it . And what does Reggie say here ? Let's finish this with . Coach you are appropriately Reggie , and Boss you are Wayne .
Are you trying to reverse my psychology , psychologology , my psychology , because I ain't buying .
At this point . Wayne just starts getting his ass hit .
Wayne's line is getting this is sparted in the chest by Reggie's gilded sneaker . Yeah , I'm glad we assigned roles for that . That was good .
Yeah , I'm very very glad the woman on the podcast gets kicked in the chest .
Thank you , my latent misogyny can't even survive that role play . Come on , all right . So Reggie saysgie says mother , fuck you . And he just starts hammering wayne in the chest , which is you know , we , we're predisposed to find uh , headshots , uh , you know the ones that do damage . But coach , as a boxer , tell us about body shots .
I've alluded to this before , but they .
They steal your entire soul , like you might get knocked out from a headshot . But a body shot will make you feel like your soul has left your body , like it's unbelievable , like I can't breathe or move . I'm not even sure what's happening right now , like why does my body feel like this ? Yeah , it's awful . So that kick to the chest
¶ Chaos and Conflict in the Office
. You ever crack a rib coach ?
do you ever crack anything where where you miss breathing hard ?
I know what you mean . Yeah , no , no . But I haven't , I haven't had that experience , but I've , I've had people around me in that condition and and quite literally , like a chuckle can like oh no , it's bad , it's it's bad . Yeah , it's really bad , like a chuckle , like , not a laugh , just like a .
And they like just when I was a baby I had three broken ribs or cracked .
They didn't weren't fully broken , but they were cracked and the story was , uh , that my mom loved me so much she was hugging me too tightly , so we're gonna just leave that there . Folks , I don't know , I I have no way to refute it .
She is kind of crazy in that way where I could see her being like I really could see that if you meet her you'd be like , oh yeah , obviously uh , but you know , you never know , could it could have been , uh , what ? Why does a baby have a fucking hammer ? I don't , you know , I don't know , um , so I love meeting people's moms .
It's like reading instruction manuals to why they're nuts exactly right , exactly , you're darn tootin um .
So where's ready ? Starts kicking motherfucker , and uh there's . I don't know what you do to really turn the tide , you know . So , wayne slides some shit off the table , like a like a whole comic books and some manila folders . Uh , was that conan on the top ? It was conan yeah , it was conan the barbarian .
Yes , we had what's so funny sorry uh because of conan , but no no , uh , yeah , conan and and we remember that because um Geller referenced it he said you're not that barbarian you aspire to be , or you think you are . And so he slides this stuff and Reggie dunce that he is , steps on it and kind of pirouettes back to another desk and what the fuck ?
And he's like I , I'm gonna fucking kill you . And then wayne is trying to like slide his chair away on the corner of the desk and reggie oh man , he is a tactician , is he not ? He runs to the desk where wayne had slid the manila file folders and he swipes everything off the desk . So that wayne is is now neutered tactically , right , he has no more .
There's no more comic books to throw on the floor . No proverbial banana peels for for dumb ass Reggie to step on , and then he climbs on top of the desk and now he's kicking from top of the desk in the face . So yeah , he , he is that barbarian in the face . So yeah , he is that barbarian .
That just struck me .
Yes , yeah , because he doesn't have the same code .
He doesn't have the code that Wayne does .
This isn't because he needs to make sure that Wayne is neutralized as a threat to other people . It's just that he doesn't want him coming for his fucking car , which does that mean he's planning to kill Wayne , Like ? Is that where we're eventually ending up ?
Yeah , I mean , and I quote I'm gonna fucking kill you .
I mean he did say it . He did say it . I mean , he might . Maybe he's a barbarian , but he might be a man of his word .
Yeah , we'll see , coach . That's the type of point that if boss had made it , you would have been like , oh , let me count the ways I love you and . But boss does not reciprocate , because she just takes it in stride . She's like , yes , I assume people around me should be intelligent , that's fine . No , no credit , you're not gonna .
Not gonna even throw anything . I'm not gonna throw like a slight applause for coach .
I yes and him . What better ? What better praise than yes-and him ?
It's just not symmetrical , that's all I'm saying . So , reggie's .
I love it . I'm just sitting here like I don't even really know what we're discussing .
Your feelings are hurt . Your feelings are hurt .
So say hi , so say we all Yep , yep , yep .
I wanted to shout .
Why are you blushing ? You're adorable boss . Why are you blushing right now , coach ? You see that ? Because I was laughing so hard .
I was laughing so hard at the thing that I thought and I was like , do I say it or not ? You said it's not symmetrical .
And I wanted to shout neither are my boobs , but they're still pretty good and I decided not to . But then we had to revisit . See , coach is clapping . See how that works .
God damn narcissist are you a boob narcissist ? The whole episode has been about twins . I was going to have to make another boob narcissist . The whole episode has been about twins . I was going to have to make another boob joke at some point . I was going to have to .
So Reggie is kicking away at Wayne , kick , kick , kick , kick , kick , and we just see him Boom . This is really good editing , because as he takes a reaction shot , his body recoils and it's a you know if there's a lot of movement . And in that match on action , blur , right , what'd you say coach ? Match on action ? Yeah , right , exactly , you match on action .
And you have wayne's head goes back and then we do a cut , hard cut , to um butthole tommy cole's head coming up , orlando's in the background and Orlando's covering his mouth . He's horrified , can't take his eyes off it , which I love . That type of scenario it's always funny , especially visually .
And what does a sort of de facto surgeon , butthole Tommy Cole , yell here , coach ?
I need a knife to cut the cords .
Orlando says he's going to faint and I swear to God , this is child abuse , man .
Yeah , that was an LOL , that was a for real one .
I swear to God , this is child abuse man , like watching a dog give birth . Oh , hold on a sec . Hold on . That's my alarms . Tell me what to do every day . Adhd um , that's pretty good child abuse man
¶ Maureen's Infomercial Knives and Self-Worth
. And then um boss , what does um the lovely , uh , maureen ? Um ?
uh , she , digging through her drawers , says shit okay , shit okay , well , okay , if you gotta use these , then I'm gonna have to throw them away . And then I got them off an infomercial , so I don't know if they're available . No more , because she's still pissed off about people ruining all of her stuff .
Her nice things , like her infomercial knives .
And her towels , that she had to fight a Puerto Rican lady and her daughter , I mean it's really quite something Her cherished belongings she's walking us through .
It's pretty fascinating .
I just think you guys , you're just predisposed to not give Maureen any credit , but she has given up a tremendous amount in this scene .
See now , I know that you're full of shit on that .
That's really funny . See , now I know and , and , and though I think you know it is ridiculous and that's why we laugh , but also it really is for her . Like I , only like I made a decision to buy these knives .
I was up one night in this miserable house , next to this miserable dude , with this idiot next door who listens to the squeaking of our bed springs , and I saw these knives and thought , well , those are nice , at least Like . This is all this woman has . So it is ridiculous in its own way , but also it makes me go like man .
She's got her little bad pottery bowl . I mean , she's just trying to make her better Costco wine , she's just trying to make the best of this shit .
Now , listen , I'm going to throw in a little pop psychology here , because I've been Maureen in certain cases not with specifically these items and not fighting off Puerto Rican mothers and daughters .
But there is an element to some of us where , if the present doesn't seem all that bright , stashing away a set of knights for future use can provide you something to look forward to , and it can be like a method of like I'll open these when things get better , or I'll open these when whatever and I and I prone to do that sometimes I'll be like I'm going
to stash this away , I don't need it right now . But you know , once I do this or once this , this arbitrary mile marker of life that I've decided has merit , out of nowhere comes to pass and and for so for Maureen , they represent the future for her .
Granted , they have value in the now because of the past , but what they represent is the she will get to open those when life is better or whenever she will decide what that demarcation line is , but when you hold on to things like that .
She had to fight the blankets , but notice , reggie wasn't using , she didn't serve steak dinner to Calvin with those knives she had . There was something she was waiting on .
Sometimes they say oh , we'll save her a special occasion , um , a , la , um , keely and roy , and and and we yeah , we touched on this a little bit campaign where it's like this is a fucking , you just got backed by ceo , you're gonna have your own outfit . Like this is the , this is that occasion . And by a ceo , you're gonna have your own outfit .
Like this is the , this is that occasion . And sometimes it's easier for someone else to say that rather than you . If , if you're saving it for something that you feel like it is hinges upon deserving it , and also you have a low self-esteem , so you may never get to , do you see ? Do you see what I'm saying ?
So , so , so that's why it may be more of a , it may be more of a hurdle than we might . We , we laugh about it , but it does have value for Maureen , and boss doesn't care , she doesn't care .
No no , no , no no .
There is some reason she's holding on .
No , no , no , no . And I understand . It's not that I don't understand her reasoning , it is . I might have mentioned this before , but one of my older sister's favorite lines from A Wrinkle in Time is when . What's his face ? God damn it . Charles Wallace , is that the kid ? I can't remember all the names . It's been a while . But he's .
He says , mom , can I use these tomatoes to make a sandwich for Meg ? And the mom says to what better use could they be put ? And that is sort of when you have something good and nice , when there is something that you care about , the best thing you could do with it is spend it on somebody you love or use it for somebody you love .
I understand she doesn't love butthole Tommy Cole . She just met Orlando . She doesn't know this fucking dog . I get all of that . But what she is saying is I don't want to give up this thing that I like for other people , even though they need it right now . I want to keep it for myself . And so it's not that she has a thing that she cares about .
It's not even that she has a thing that she cares about . That's from an infomercial . I'm not judging what she has . I'm saying , when it comes down to it , her instinct is to be selfish rather than to share , and that's what I'm judging her for .
You know what ? I know ? Coach is going to think I'm just saying this because boss said it , but I think I'm in .
I think I'm in . Yeah , we don't know . That's great boss , we we don't know the . I just finished reading the ? Um , it's called a life's work . It was by david milch , who was the creator of deadwood um , a show called luck uh , nypd blue like a prolific uh hollywood , uh television writer and he talks about it . Oh god , such a sad book .
He wrote it as at the end of his life . He's still alive , but he's got , he has alzheimer's , and so he started writing before he forgot everything . Um , and that part's hard to hear . But he grew up a child of a degenerate gambler .
Uh , his dad was a , was a surgeon who , um , the mob would pay to take bullets out of people and stuff like that , whatever . So he grew up with this very messed up relationship with his dad and then he was . He went to Yale , you know , like all degenerates . Coach , where did you go again ? Sorry , refresh my anyway .
I went to school in New Haven .
He's like one of these guys that he would tell you you start the book and there's these stories about oh yeah , then me and my buddy went out and we shot up some street lamps and then we did heroin and you know that was a good year , I was 15 . I'm like Jesus fucking . I'm like what in the hell ?
And then then the next sentence is like then I went to Yale and I won there . I placed the highest on any on this exam that anyone's ever taken it . Yet I'm like in the history of yale . And so you're like , oh my god , like what am I dealing with here ? You know what I mean . Like how , yeah , that's a lot .
And he would this one of my favorite parts of the book . I I think people should read it . It's , it's , it's , it's a . It's not for the faint of heart , uh , but great insights into a lot of the shows that people might love . Like , for example , I didn't know Deadwood came out of .
He wanted to write something about St Paul the apostle and then there was no place to do that . And then they said at HBO they said what if you took like the kernel of that idea and then married it to like a Western , he's like okay , and then he did that . So anyway , just this , I know boss is shaking her .
You boss , I think you really liked edward right , isn't that ?
did you like ? Oh no , I , I I liked it . I didn't love it okay all right , got it I .
I liked it a lot . I mean , I don't know that it's like in my it's not in my a tier , but it's , it was . It was really excellent . And for years um daphne and I were known to say hey , mister , are you dead ?
oh yeah , yes , classic , just like a classic moment , but anyway well , this guy talks about , uh , being a gambler and played the horses and and , and , and and like . When I say played the horses , like he's he . He quotes at some point he made 100 million dollars in his career and hasn't had nothing to show for it .
Um , and when his you know , house in the vineyard and house in la and and , uh , his wife got a call saying , oh , you're 23 million in debt . Uh , or no , $17 million in debt , and that your husband spent $23 million at the track in the last two years .
And so he was saying he does this thing and he can't help it , where he owns the self-loathing and he owns the disgust in his own personality and whatever , but he talks about how he has to bet it all and he's compelled to do it .
Because if talks about how he has to bet it all and he's compelled to do it because if he win no , if he loses he doesn't feel a thing .
But if he wins , for an hour and a half he has this feeling where he has extra money to give to other people and how much , how much he wants to like pay for other people's scholarships and pay for people to do it , and like how much he loves giving , because it defrays his own feeling of what a piece of shit it's like fascinating .
So really , god damn so . So again , we don't always know why people do the things they do . We don't always know . You know it's hard , to hard to localize on exactly why maureen wants to keep these knives or whatever . But anyway , different things mean different people are different Coach , to quote a famous soccer coach .
And so when Butthole Tommy Cole asks for knives and she's hesitant , he yells what boss .
I'll buy you a better set , because they're not that great .
This is really not . It's infomercial cutlery . It's not the top of the food chain , it's not Henkel's , and she responds with what it's like yelling .
These are my good tube socks , it's like . What does that mean ?
Yeah , it might as well be yeah .
What yeah ?
So everybody on cue , everybody's ruining all my nice things , everybody's ruining all my nice things . Wow , yeah , yeah , um and then um . What does orlando say here , boss ?
is that puppy head coming out of that dog's ass ?
right um uh , which there was a lot of laughter here for me . Like , like I kind of felt a little guilty , like I was like this is not a bunch of laughter here for me . Like I kind of felt a little guilty , like I was like this is not a fun show .
This is supposed to be quite as funny as I am finding it , but I really cracked up through a lot of this scene .
Butthole . Tommy Cole tears the knives out of Maureen's hands and smashes them . He smashes them open and smashes them , smashes them open . He goes through the protective outer film to smash into the knives and break them open quickly . Orlando asks if that's a puppy's head coming out of a dog's ass .
Maureen says what , coach ? It's not a dog's ass , that's a Pussy .
Ass .
Bitch , there we go .
¶ Wayne vs Reggie Showdown
We cut back to that's not a dog's ass , that's a . And we cut back to action again , and it is On every utterance of what Boss just said . There is the explosive kick to Wayne's face , which , I'm guessing you know , not ideal for Wayne .
No , I mean , the man can take a shot , we've established that . But that angle of somebody really kicking you with all their force from up above , sweet jeez , that is serious stuff .
Reggie is yelling I'm gonna fucking kill you , motherfucker . We get enough of a glimpse there's a lot of action . We get enough of a glimpse of Wayne's nose to see he is bleeding . He is bleeding . And then talk about fortuitous editing .
We get a shot , an insert here , and we push into a medal and it is a trophy Sorry , not a metal , um , and there's a trophy which is looks to me like a block of , I'm gonna say , oak or maple , like a solid block . It's a four by four . Yeah , that is cut and trimmed enough to hold a metal plaque . The metal plaque , uh , has this . There's a .
There's also a badge , police of the city of Ocala on it . You know like hastily glued on badge , you know like a glue gun , but there's a plaque on the front , one of the standard gold old school plaques , which reads what boss ?
Non-violence leads to the highest ethics .
Another laugh line for me yeah , non-violence leads to the highest ethics .
Another laugh line for me yeah , non-violence is the high . And why are we pushing into this ? Well , pray tell , coach . We see this . And then what happens ?
and then , um , mr crafty , uh wayne grabs said non-violence award and shoves it right into Reggie's man region . Reggie then doubles over and falls back off of the desk , as one absolutely would in that moment . I mean , in fairness to Reggie , that's some serious stuff . This is not a .
There's a point in my life I reached where I've said this to a few people before where I was like , if we fight , we're fighting to the death . Like I'm old now , like I'm not here to like throw a couple punches with you and then go on with my day , like if I've made the decision to fight and this feels like a bit old man-ish to me .
The level of neither of us is going to stop . There's no end to this fight , other than someone is done Like for good . That's pretty intense .
So , all right , let's get through the action , because we have a limited amount of time and I want to get to a certain point . No , coach , you're totally fine . I love that to a certain point . No , coach , you're totally fine . I love that . Reggie goes down . Wayne starts panicking . Reggie yells motherfuckers , he's holding his family jewels . Wayne in a panic .
We get an insert of an ashtray no ashes in it , but it's holding some keys . Wayne starts trying the different keys . He's trying to figure them out as Reggie gets up . Wayne can't . They're clearly not for the handcuffs . Wayne uses the key . This is the old type of desk . These are the metal desks that you may have seen .
People still have them in certain businesses , but they're very rare these days . But they have a key slot to lock the stack of drawers . Wayne is able to get the key in and we have only a shot . We see him sort of like fidgeting with the key as fast as he can and we only have enough of a view of Reggie's back .
We don't see what's happening with Wayne . It's Reggie in a single and as he turns we hear a thud and wayne is standing there and now he's up and we . That's all we see . We get a medium shot , which is which is , uh , you know , his upper half of his torso and and his face .
He's got a cut open face , blood all over his face , but other than that , he looks very serene . This is not the panic we just saw , with him unlocking the , the cuffs or whatever he was trying to do , or the , or the desk is over . And what ? What happens here , boss ? What is the reveal ? As we push into a very calm way ?
Oh , as we pull back and watch as he just drops the drawer , still connected to the handcuffs on his wrist , and it's cut from three different angles . So it's boom , boom , boom and we see him standing , much like he did with the cans of beer . We know what he can do with this Just drops it .
Absolutely .
Cans of beer and what else we're supposed to think of that . Right Cans of beer . And what was the other thing he did with this ? Do you remember ? You remember the garden gnome hanging by a chain ? Oh , yes . Right .
Okay , this is listen .
So it's sort of his thing .
I don't want to . I don't want to make this weird . I just want to point out that Mark McKenna himself , when this was filmed , was a fully grown man . So the immediate and excessive attraction that I had to this scene happening exactly the way that it did , like the very cool , calm , collected Wayne , just like ready to throw the hammer . I , I'm done .
Did you feel it in your titties ?
is my question ready to throw the hammer ? I'm done .
Did you feel it in your titties ?
is my question , kind of is my answer and I don't think anybody wanted to hear that , but yes , wow , I got coached . That's all I care about .
Things you could , Things I never thought I would hear in my life . Like you said like hey , Coach Bishop , if you record until you're 100 , will you ever hear Coach Castleton say to boss did you feel it in your titties ? I can promise you , I lose that bet . Wow , that was .
You all can't see , but I just laughed so hard that my headphone just came flying off . I was just a total wreck . That was amazing .
Anyway , oh God , it's an all new low folks , thanks for oh God .
My .
God , yeah , well , it's an all-new low folks . Thanks for being here with us for that , With Wayne , suitably armored now , or suitably weaponized weapon . Suitably Armed , armed , thank you , that's exactly what I was going for suitably armed . I'm going to stop here because , uh , today has to be a limited time .
Uh , I , I have uh , uh , my daughter's in her last day of school and so , um , there are uh responsibilities where I guess you have to pick up your kids from school . Eye roll , but yeah , no , so we're gonna have to Cut it off a little early today , but we'll pick it up With a . It's fair and square now , boss , that's all I'm saying .
Remember , we were talking about symmetry . So now there is , there is at least , you know , one of them is Relatively untethered and the other one Is Is getting up from a Bad nut shot .
The other one is getting up from a bad nut shot .
The other one is what ?
Reggie , it's like an automatic . He's at a disadvantage .
Or is he ? I love Coach saying he's a proverbial barbarian and I love that we have enough data on Reggie that we're like , yeah , this is a fair fight . Even though we know how tough Wayne is , this doesn't feel like it's mismatched somehow . It's interesting to see how this whole thing plays out for people who have seen the show . You know this , this it .
It even goes away . You don't expect when you watch it , but wait for those of you who just listen along Ooh , are you in for a treat ? Uh , coach , where do people find you if they want to find you ?
come through the community . We have been having some more conversation . I actually had the fun uh experience of having , uh , my bestie . As everyone knows , I am a member of the Chambers family now , and so my bestie did hit me up for some inside dope on the Kendrick Drake beef . So that was a fun aside .
But yeah , all sorts of great conversations happening and , no , this is a lot of fun .
So come through and join in we have also begun to have uh special , uh recordings that are only for the buttercups . Um , that's not to penalize anyone else , that's just because , uh , they're , they're topical and um , we want to uh give the people that that really come through and support us .
Uh means the world to , and the more we can do for them , the better . So please consider joining Boss . Where do people find you if they want to find you ?
You can mostly find me on threads picking fights and generally being an asshole . That is emilychambers.31 . Trying to get back into the community I have been absent and I need to rectify that and also then eventually writing for the Antagonist , which is antagonistblogcom . Read it right now . It's really good .
Yeah , that's great . And , boss , on Threads , we finally agreed on something which was nice this week . My best friend's wedding who it actually should have been about . That was good . I'm 100% with you . First time ever . Okay , well , that's it , folks . Thank you very much for listening to us . We'll be back .
I thought we were going to finish winning today , but then one of us had to go and have a million children , so look at how that turned out .
I've already apologized For those of you who aren't initiated . That was my wife Daphne's response to the announcement of the last pregnancy in the Thor Banander story . Yeah . That is one baby-making fool . That's it which I still laugh about every couple months .
It's only four , there's not 60 . But yeah , so we will pick it up next time . Hopefully we'll finish . Thank you for joining us . Please support your local libraries and the written word . Raise better boys . And until next time we are .
Richmond till .
We feel it in our metaphorical titties oh yeah , the best place to feel it . Thanks everybody , we'll see you next time .