The Bear | S3 E4 Part1 "Violet"

As we start the show , i'm'm your host , coach Castleton . With me , as always , is Coach Bishop .

That's why yes so now we need to circle back so there there is one of the guys from the movie challengers . I think it's the one that was not on the crown , but I don't know any of the children's name . Like I know , zendaya , zendaya , zendaya , zendaya . Either way , sorry .

It's something I've been playing for years because I find it amazing . Um , every single person in the world is a combination of a horse , a bird or a muffin , and you could have a dominant and uhissive , but recessive .

John oliver , on the other hand , opposite he is a bird who resembles a horse , so he's a bird horse . I could do this with any celebrity .

Yeah , I'm exactly that is exactly what she is giving . There is no bird , there is no muffin . She is regal as shit and also , uh , like kind of a statue the way that a horse would be I

I understand a little bit of the rodent-ness in the face , but it's not exactly right . He is way more bird than rodent . I would not include him in the group of rodent men .

Like muffin became the perfect food choice . Right , and and and somehow in the , in the broad lived experience of humans on this planet , people get muffin somehow , like like , at least in western society . Right , so , right . So there's not a whole lot of explanation that goes into muffin .

Yeah , I can't think about muffin without the term muffin top , which is a whole other thing . No , when we're talking about no we don't do that anymore . No , no , I know . No , no , no , yeah . Do you know what I'm saying ?

I was trying to think of other times muffins have been connected to humans in a way or whatever , but this is much more yes , this is much more yeah .

right . Well , today we are going to jump right into the Bear . We are doing Season 3 , episode 4 , entitled Violet . We open over black , which is a choice . Have we opened over black , which is , which is a choice ? But I have we opened over black before , boss , do you remember a over black opening that lasted as long as this over black opening lasts ?

Uh , carmi finishes it with uh , me too , and he also apparently loses his days . Um , and then , uh , he says I really liked Wednesdays as a kid . And she says because you were halfway through the week . And he says mm-hmm . And then she says I'm going to tell you something . And he says yeah . He says I have to say I like Mondays the best .

And he's like Mondays . She's like mm-hmm , mm-hmm , mondays are the best , anything's possible . He said mm-hmm , exactly is the best . And he's like mondays . She's like mondays are the best anything's possible , exactly . So it's some back and forth about like it's not , it's , it is a way of doing um bird horse muffin with other things like this doesn't ?

This is not them saying I am optimistic . This is her saying this is a thing that I liked because of this reason . And he likes we were halfway through the week . We were halfway through whatever we had to get through , we might just make it .

Wednesday ? Ah , because the half way through it . Yep , you get me right . So it's that . Um , I always like that stuff , like when you're starting to get to know somebody , you know dating or even pre-dating , right like that . That sort of like , oh really , rhubarb pie didn't see that coming , you know whatever it is , and you're just sort of like .

So I thought that was sweet . I'll say that in an interesting way . They , they two things they do here I find fascinating

. One is to go from all that black on the screen to this truly barely lit shot . Um , it's very , everything's very , obscured and and and that feels like the show in many ways it's . It's that , but also it was this faint for me . There was a flicker of oh wait , did he get back to her , like , are we gonna see it ?

They got back together and it reminded me of the feeling when excuse me , some of you who've , uh , lost loved ones or whatnot may may get this where especially soon at like , soon after my dad died if I saw some story about the yankees or whatever , I would start to reach for my phone and be like fuck , you know . Like that what I mean .

Like that's , that's like a new ache , like it's like a new it's the picking of a scab , it's whatever you want to call it . And so once I , I guess I was very emotionally with Carmi and like , oh my God , that's like the sweetest moment . What do any of us want but to be seen and understood and loved ? And he had that .

And now all he has is , like you know , flickers of dream , as he's like waking up of it . It was . It's very , um , deeply sad yeah , well , and they .

And like can't say , oh no , he's dead , like can't , can't even get there . And then says to Richie like yeah , I just , it felt like he was alive for a second .

Uh , I had been looking for it . The first episode didn't give that to me . The second and third made me feel like , okay , we're sort of in the now , like when are we taking this step forward ? And then , when I saw this as a choice , I thought , oh , okay , so this is going to be a season because we're in episode four .

I'm like , all right , we're going to be like this is going to be a season because we're in episode four . I'm like , all right , we're going to be like this is a review season . This is like , okay , everyone take out your textbooks , we're going to review our notes . There may have been things you may have missed along the way .

And so so I already I had the wind out of my sails a little bit at this point , not saying that it's not well done or you know whatever , but that it's not well done , or you know whatever .

But as uh , speaking for the the segment of the audience who had an anticipatory excitement about what might happen this season going forward , this was like the beat where I said , oh okay , we're not , we're not going forward . I I sort of you had to go all right , this is it . This is the one , like you know , where this tells me what's happening .

. My reaction to it wasn't the same , but I get what you're saying and for me there's an excitement in that . But you know , dinner for Two is really one night of a man's life . You know what I mean , so like excuse me , I think that brand of storytelling that like it's all now , cause it's all his life .

You know what I mean , but that I find that interesting . But I get where it would feel like are we going to get going ? Are we going to get going , all right , good , this where it would feel like are we going to get going ? Are we going to get going ?

All right , good , this week maybe we'll get going , and then you or not this week , this episode , and then you're like , ah , all right , we're still doing this thing , coach , it's the same thing you said about Ted Lott , Like what's a small interaction ?

And so when you look at it from a writing standpoint , like like OK , make sure that I'm very clear about this my expectations as a viewer and you know , the people like me who came in have almost nothing to do with the quality of the show . Like , well , absolutely nothing to do with the quality show we .

It has to do with the experience of the show for ourselves . But , uh , there's no way to say , oh , this is a bad choice , because they alluded to this with his little glimmers in the previous , you know , he started to like shape , remember . We said like oh , it seems like he's having a bad day and he's , his jaw is super tense .

And then , out of nowhere , we'd get a little thing of claire right , so you go . Oh , this is like um , it's like a festering wound inside of him that he , even if he tries to keep it away , it's not going away , man , like you know what I mean . So this is appropriate as a choice . It's , you know , you know . You know what I'm saying .

I want to make sure my criticism is is is uh , as an experiential outside the show moment I go , ah crap , but that doesn't affect the . You know what I'm saying about the , the choices inside , right within the context .

think you know .

And that's because usually I think I've sort of alluded to this before that when you were in the middle of the shit , when either your brother's just died and you need to save his dying restaurant in order to save your family , there's a lot happening and not a lot of emotional processing , and then when you're redoing the entire restaurant because you want to turn

it into a michelin star place , there's a lot happening and not a lot of processing , and now nothing is happening and it's all just like . This is how you feel over and over and over again .

And so the times in my own life where things from the outside appeared the calmest are when I was losing my shit , because that was the only time when you had a second to like take a breath and reflect on what was actually happening and , like , figure some shit out . So , yeah it .

It felt very authentic to me in that , if now he has achieved this thing that he was trying to do . He opened the restaurant . He fucking got it done in april the way that he was planning to . They are getting good reviews and they are booked . Like there isn't anything that he is striving for right now .

He just has , to like , keep existing , and that's when things can sometimes be the hardest for you , when there isn't a goal specifically , you're just like hang out , I'm sorry .

All the best showrunners Noah Hawley jumps to mind , the Fargo , damon Lindelof , I think , is great at this they set an expectation . I told you what's the first thing I always do . Am I in good hands ? Right out of the gate , I'm watching the pilot . Am I in good hands ? Right out of the gate , I'm watching the pilot . Am I in good hands ?

If I think I'm in good hands , the first 10 minutes you got me , after which I expect to be handled with kid gloves based on what you've promised me and what . What I think about the bear is uh , they promised me whatever that thing was , or the music kicks in , right , and then I go okay , why did this season have such a ? Why did this like ?

It was like a needle coming off a record and I was like , oh , because the da-da-da-da-da is not in the kitchen , it's inside Karmic . It's inside the people .

Flair , not character based content , where the plot is secondary , right , um , and so that's , that's the , the main sort of uh adjustment I had to make as a viewer , where I go , okay , right , yeah , that the , the sort of tonal move has changed in that that's not where the action is .

So grief is going to be like really difficult at first and there are going to be a lot of adjustments and there's going to be a lot of sort of bounce back , like something terrible happened and now you need to figure out how to get back into your life . Like there's a lot of connective tissue for me through the three seasons that right it is grief .

It is then like a little bit of relief when you feel like you've sort of gotten over a thing and now it's back to oh , we're still dealing with the shit that makes sense , like I get that pattern but it is a different thing if , if what you're expecting to see is not even people recovering from grief , but just processing through it , like there is action ,

and then when there's the lack of that , you're like well , why the fuck am I watching here ? Why am I watching the review ? You know ?

So , boss , if that's what it is for you , then this is , you know , it's , it's sort of wildly ambitious and , and I think , successful . If , if that's the thing like , if we're like oh , let's make the series feel like grief feels , okay , holy shit . The thing like if we're like oh , let's make the series feel like grief feels . Okay , holy shit , that's a .

That is that's like almost like a flex level choice . Yeah , it's not what I got . I'll tell you right now that's not what I got no , no , no , no but but but ? But if that , it could very well be that that's exactly what it is , and then it just wasn't what I was prepared for .

But I love that , the way of sort of couching it in that or framing it that way , boss .

Yes , I rant into the air or think I'm talking to one person and she's standing there listening to my meltdown . It's just yeah , there's a lot of grief , yes , and as much as change is hard , it's something that I've been taught and then I've thought about a lot in my coaching .

Change is stressful period , change is stressful period and what people tend to do , like if I'm working with somebody and a parent dies , they tend not to have any expectation that they would go untouched by that right , like everybody thinks . Like , oh yeah , my mom died , so that affected what I'm able to like , fucking deal with .

And this is a very random thing to think of , but because it came up so clearly , I'm going to share it is that there was an episode of the Cosby Show where Rudy's fish dies . She's very upset and so cliff decides to have like a funeral . So yeah , go to the bathroom , they gotta get dressed .

Like he's got on a suit and of course , because it's a fish and rudy's little child , before they can get done with the funeral , she's like now over it , like she was just despondent , like we've had a funeral for a fish to help her process this , and and now it's like , oh , I gotta pee , everybody gets forgot and every that like it's all stressful .

You know , I mean like that's like right , it's yeah all and um yeah yeah , it's a lot for karma . How much fucking change can you go through ? Yeah , and that's part of my argument about the cigarette thing .

care , like individuals who are facing and mourning their own death , in which case it is a little more linear , or at least like .

fucked up . That's a different level . So you can just grieve and that can be really difficult . But it's complicated when there's also trauma involved with how you're grieving . So that's another thing , also a thing I love Also . I love that they're doing that on the show . But grief itself is not just missing somebody or feeling sad that they're gone .

It is like continuing to live in the shadow of loss . So it's even times when you're feeling like really happy that all of a sudden you're like , fuck man , I can't believe my dad's dead , but like that shit kind of happened .

So it makes a lot of sense to me that they would be moving back and forth to these smaller touch points where he was feeling other things and now he needs to feel them in his grief you know what I would ?

So , yes , if five years ago you had said I can't tell you the in-between part , but five years from now you're going to have restaurant , your restaurant , the one you talked about , you're going to have Right , he would be like that's fucking amazing . My life turned around Like , when did that happen ?

But every time he opens the door to this restaurant , mikey's money and Mikey's plan put this building here . You know what I'm saying . Put this here , made this possible . When we get that Michelin star , I can't just enjoy it in itself , because it'll always and that's for me . Like you're saying about grief , I remember my first Christmas after my dad died .

For me , like you're saying about grief , I remember my first Christmas after my dad died was just such a fucking headache . Like it was just a headache . That's when I was being like you know , fuck this man . Yeah , what ? Yeah , I've got little kids . I gotta be fucking happy with my kids .

I can't be like sorry kids , you don't get to have a Merry Christmas because you know , be fucking happy with my kids .

You know what I mean ? I wasn't actually angry at anyone , but I was like what is this ? It's not a Merry Christmas , but also I really did enjoy getting the shit for my kids or whatever . It's just kind of a mess . It's just kind of a mess .

And it's also the scene , and that's so that that actual scene happened with my mom because my kids weren't here with my dad . But yeah , the the experience was I just realized I jumbled those but the experience was that that , like I don't know , I'm not happy , I'm not sad , I I'm like the experience wasn't linear .

Actually , earlier today I am , as some of you may have heard on this show , have adhd , and so what that means amongst yeah , I know , um , amongst other things , it means that um , boring shit is like arsenic to my mind and soul .

That's the shit . You see , right , all these like eureka meetings , like , and I think so , so let me keep going there . So what I worked , thought about this morning and as I was walking , biggie um is I want to make a meditation of all the boring shit in my life .

What I decided was what if I could become invested in and interested in my ability to engage and complete boring shit ? Like ? What if I made that the challenge ? And I was like that is so god damn , like that made me interested . As I was walking , I was like , yeah , wait a minute , it's almost like a dopamine hit to it .

Yeah , because it's so , uh , yeah could you imagine , you know what I mean . Like if somewhere inside of me there was a voice that went oh my god , we just did another boring thing , like what would happen and right . And then I thought about mindfulness with this , like this is truly this morning , like I'm no bullshit .

I just was thinking about this and I was like so , in a way , when I describe x , y or z as mundane , boring blah and don't engage with it , I am being absent from the moment , because in this moment it is the moment to write down your social security number . So if you're fully engaged in this moment , that's all there is . Bored of what ?

Like what boredom ? There's no boredom , there's write down the fucking number .

I can't remember if I mentioned the specific line where , um , mother Smith says basically uh , life is disappointing , and then you get used to the disappointments , which is a disappointment all in and of itself .

But it's one of those things where it's like , on the one hand , the disappointment becomes a disappointment and that's a thing , on the other hand , like I don't want to make , especially out of the children out there listening , because I'm sure we're big in the elementary school field . Oh yeah , huge .

My life is great and I think that there's a lot of joy and wonder and like amazing things in the world . I also think that like 90% of the time , you're just doing some mundane shit that gets you by and it's fine , it feels fine . It doesn't feel bad , but like a lot of it is just . How do I trick myself into checking my email ?

Can I do it as a mindful thing ? How do I slightly improve myself a tiny bit so that this shit is even more bearable than it was yesterday ? And that's like there's something sort of beautiful about that in a weird way like I agree .

There's a weird like I don't know safety to it , a contentment like I'm just gonna keep existing and figuring shit out yes to everything you just said , and it's yeah I .

These people dedicated I mean , there were people who worked there over a decade Like think about the time you worked on the school play . And the night before you're like oh , oh shit , what if it doesn't work out , if the middle school production of Johnny Appleseed falls apart , what will we ever do ?

And these motherfuckers were working with billions upon billions . They made the Hubble seem like a fucking Tonka truck was being built , and then they're all . I'm like , oh my God , the pressure of this . Like I have a stomach ache watching a documentary on your behalf because , oh my god , right .

So anyway , one of the things that I loved about it is it was all these little things , like they had these points of failure that they were talking about .

And there were , however , many points of failure , like landing on this had like multiples more points of failure than landing on Mars , and a point of failure is just like if that goes wrong , the whole thing's fucked .

It was a really smart storytelling device , actually , because it gave some context for like how huge this thing was . Say all that because there really was something about sitting there and thinking 13.8 billion years , and I'm sitting in this fucking recliner , 51 at the time , now , 52 years old , going . I feel old , old , old .

The universe is 13 and that's the shit we are somewhat aware of . For all we know , we are living in a cosmic fart like this . Shit could be exponentially more than that and it really it helped me to go like god or no god , this or that , holy shit , if we are just hurtling through space , just like by happenstance , those elements did this .

I almost find that more inspiring than god , because I'm like , holy shit , how the fuck lucky am I like ?

Oh my god , of all the shit that went down , I got to be at this set of cells , got to be at the pop-up , this set of cells got to see ted lasso this set of you know , I mean , like I'm trying , I I am kind of leaning into that idea of like , how amazing is this ?

Like it really that there really is a disrespect , to how amazing it is to not engage it , to not really appreciate it , to not , you know , be like , right now we are in three cities recording a show that we're going to send to people literally around the world and if and if coach wants to hit send right after we , you could just literally just blah , blah ,

blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah Words all over the world Bye , like holy shit .

So so my oldest son has a theory and he's like it's a religion , but it's not a religion . But he calls it miracle and he's like it's just . I just wish people understood how unlikely their existence is , our existence like . I just wish , whoa , they could step back and understand what what's called great filters .

Great filters are things that have prevented life on other worlds . Right that we have somehow made an infinitesimal oh my god ability to get past .

He calls it miracleism and says if people understood how unlikely their existence is and the existence of everything on this planet every flower , every ladybug , every jewel , every mind resource , every current in the ocean . If they had any concept of how unlikely it was mathematically , they'd really appreciate .

They wouldn't build weapons of mass destruction , they wouldn't put themselves they would not kill another human being , because it would be like spitting in the face of yeah , uh , whatever . So , uh , it's amazing . I can't wait to I . I can't wait to play , because that's what that's what the whole concept is is just understanding where you are .

Well , you know in the whole scheme and you can believe in God . That actually has no bearing on the unlikeliness of you know .

I have to tell you folks , I don't know what the context will be , or as if , as our kids get older , if any of that will be , oddly , you know , hey , I'll join the community , who knows ? But if you get a chance to meet really any of coaches , kids , it's kind of remarkable . You want to talk about submissive genes ?

um , they're great seriously yeah I don't know how he pulled this shit off . They're great fucking kids . I tell them all the time I'm like you know what , I'm extra proud of you because you did all this despite your father . There's a real text .

He can dude , he can talk about this forever , Because gray filter when you talk about extinction level events that have happened on this planet and how many , what percentage of the species have been wiped out already , like millions of years before we existed , and how unlikely , you know whatever , it's just fascinating and all it does is just make you appreciate okay

, yeah , no , it's amazing that we're here .

That's what you're finding interesting for outer space and inner space . That's what you're finding interesting . You're you're wanting to look as far as you can and be like how the fuck does this thing work ? And it seems like .

Oh , these are totally , but it's a very similar exploration where you're just like there's a lot of unknown here , a lot of spaces we haven't actually gone to . So yeah , anyway , that's been very much Miraculism . I like that .

I remember what it felt like when I was a kid I've mentioned this in the podcast before the stuffy private school I went to in elementary school . I remember the professor , the teacher .

I remember the teacher pulling down one of those old school maps that you used to have , the ones that are , like crazy valuable now and in the center of South America , and it was an old map , it was from the I don't know 1920s , 1930s , but they pulled down the map map and in the center of South America there were , you know , all the countries had colors .

They were all colorized . Yeah , uh , which is which is uh , you know , in the , in our , in our childhood , as a Gen Xer , sometimes TVs were not colorized . That was helpful .

And I remember thinking like wow , there's somewhere left in the world where we can go and I talked about one time my sister was in the Peace Corps . I mentioned this before I went to a jungle . I went through the jungle to a village where no white man had been in 50 years . It's not a big deal , but it just to them .

So you know , we're trying to do it societally . We try to say , okay , why do these shows , all these elements of these shows , look , we've done of the Bear , season four , we've done a minute and three seconds so far of this show and we talked for 51 minutes Because it all ties in , it all comes together . Anytime you talk about grief you're going to .

I've talked about after my father died . Again , it's not linear , but I remember opening up my fridge like a year after he was dead and I found blue cheese dressing in the door of my fridge and I only kept it on hand because he liked blue cheese dressing . And right away then you say how do do I cope ? Do I take a second here ?

You know , like what you do . Do I talk to daphne ? Do I talk to craig ? Do I talk to my sister , do I talk to you know ? Do I sit for a second and think about that ? Do I cry right because it hit me hard right , but it's like why , why do ?

Like it was not , you know it wasn't like whatever , but it was just , it was my last message for my rock or like whatever . So yeah , it's . It's odd where those things hit and how they hit . And then what is ?

So it's , all of these things all together is how it informs you , informs you , I will say that , watching uh , to bring it back to the bear , watching carmy and um and claire in this scene , um , you , you go , it's .

It's a very , very identifiable place in a relationship where you get in these new relationships , right , and then you're like , man , I hate pickles . And then you fall in love with someone and she's like no , no , you don't get pickles , just trust me on this one , try this pickle . And you go okay , wait , wait , wait .

My mother couldn't get me to try a pickle . My I'd . I'd break that vlasic spear over my best friend's head if he tried to get that thing near me . But I'm so in love , right that ?

Not be it's , it is what it is anyway , but there's a , there's a subset of that guy where I'm like the only reason you brought that guitar is to get surrounded by a circle of girls . You're hoping and you never play that guitar when you're not at a party being surrounded .

The respect is so profound , the openness is so profound , and people can get there when they're in love and then can't get there all the rest of the time . You know what I mean . It's like how do you get to that place where anybody could tell you no , try this pickle . And you have such a respect for the species , for humanity , that you go .

You know what Like , yeah , like it is . In that moment you're not burdened by the fact that you don't like pickles . Right , there's no weight to it . Right , you just give in . You , bloody well , give over . You know it's like this whole , right , you just go , okay , like , I'll just whatever'll , just whatever .

So anyway , they're having this big , this big moment , um , or this very sorry , not big moment , but a sweet moment , both the two of them yeah and um . Coach , will you walk us through this please ?

The problem is I ain't got shit to do today .

it , I get it .

And also now when you're saying Kermit can't exist in the real world , he needs to be in the restaurant , and I think for me this goes back to your comments about how humanity's in the pit and you want people out of the pit , and I'm like I just want everybody to be more okay with the pit , like you don't need to .

My feeling is he isn't not being in the real world . His real world , real world , is working in the restaurant and managing his life in that way , and that can be done either in a way that is healthier or a way that is not so . When he had the abusive um , I keep forgetting .

On reddit , they refer to the asshole chef from New York as Chef Winger , because Jeff Winger was Jalen . McHale's character on Community , so I'm going to refer to him as that . For now , I don't mind it .

Chef Winger , I was just talking a few days ago with my sister my older sister about the benefit of being able to accept when things aren't okay , like some things are not always going to be perfect or fixed or even good , and for me it is less about seeking those out to fix them as much as being like , well , that's going to be fucked up and that's all

right , like it's okay that it's fucked up . Oh , sure , yeah , yeah .

The answer is also you know , I'm saying so , I'm always fascinated by like , oh , you fall in love and all of a sudden , all the rules change . I'm like why can't you change the rules on your ? It's like . It's like . It's just fascinating to me as a concept yeah , that that the , the raw materials are there , um , and then it's whatever .

impact , there might be a shit ton of things that you were figuring out on your own every day that don't garner your attention because you did do it all internally . You figured that shit out , so you're not going to pay attention because it's just shit . You figured out . Like I understand where you're coming from . I think that this might be more of a .

When I wake up every day and figure out what I'm going to eat for breakfast , it doesn't make an impact because I just knew it . If somebody else were like I made you pancakes , all of a sudden I'm going to remember the pancakes more . But there's no like better or worse , or inability or not , it's just for some

people .

I want to have home-cooked meals . I want to spoil her . She , uh , I think hot , okay , spicy , or like like a sweet or savory , like what I think sweet , okay .

So , because I have to help her get to the thing , because that the decision matrix is so daunting for her , um , so yeah , but again , the , the answer is inside her somewhere , but there's some barrier to uh getting to it . So , yeah , definitely , boss people , people , experientially , that's what . When I talk about people being messy , it's because we don't .

Everybody works differently . You know , you probably hear us talk about forms and you go like what ? You just blast out the form . It's four seconds . So what are you talking about ?

Like I'm sure that there are people would be like , well , why did you have to do mushrooms in order to figure that out ? Why doing drugs is bad ? And I'm like no man fucking drugs are fine . If you don't abuse them and aren't killing people for them , it's fine , everything will be okay .

He's a brilliant comic , but he did a whole bit about that very idea , that like how come you never turn on the news and see a good story , a good drug story ? You know , today a teenager named jeff did acid and realized that we are all one and it was like oh yeah that's true because I've heard .

So yeah , I mean like I've heard that story , like why is it that news ? Yeah , there's a reason it's not news . So anyway , yeah , I'm with you on that . Sometimes you just gotta , you know , just roll with that , so gotta scroll with that .

It was like somebody had been following me around with a staticky radio my whole life and somebody just came around and just turned the shit off and I was like , oh my god , it is , it is when you go .

And and they say , oh , we're gonna rate your kid on how fast they swim in this pool from a to b , but your kid's pool is made of jello instead of water . Would you throw a pill into the pool to liquefy the water ? He's like , yeah , I'm like it's just brain chemistry .

Like , coach , you had that buzzing for 48 years , shit man , which makes a lot of sense because you're hard to be around , you know .

I'm like is that because they're busy or is that because it's because ?

I don't know that he's like supposed to be full-blown a , b or c , but there have been a few different reactions from him that have made me go huh . And then the use of you know , emotional dysregulation , like I don't know there was something that it does feel like there's a little bit of information being sprinkled through that you know , sometimes we struggle .

Actually , what's so interesting is the episode that I watched earlier today from season one was Carmi actually was teaching the rest of the staff how to do a chicken dish and a few other things , and I counted .

He said in there at least three , maybe four times to marcus like make sure you stay on top of the cakes , do your donut stuff , but don't get caught in that . Like reminding marcus over and over and over again .

And so sometimes I think in real life I am actually giving people some warnings like please , don't do this , please , let's do this differently , please , can we not ? And then eventually it gets to a point where I'm like needing to shout so much that I'm practically crying and all of a sudden people are like , well , where the fuck did this come from ?

And I was like I told you four hours ago not to fucking piss me off , but you fucking did , you did . I told you not to remember when I told you remember that joke ?

And he said people , you know , floodwaters are rising , boat , emergency boat goes by . They say hey , hop in , we'll take you to the thing . He says no , the Lord will provide . And then floodwaters keep rising . Guy comes by in a canoe . Floodwaters are getting to the edge of the top of the roof . He says guy in the canoe says hey , hop in .

He says no , no , the Lord will provide . And um , and then now the now the thing is up inches away from his feet and um overcomes a guy in a , in a in a rubber rowboat and says hop on quick , I'll get you out of here . And he says no , no , the Lord will provide .

And the floodwaters rise and he um and he drowns and he gets to heaven and they let him in through the pearly gates and he says God , I have this , nothing but belief in you . Why didn't you save me ? He's like I sent you three boats , like what , what ?

We're going for a kiss and Kiss and All right , we still kissing , I like it . I forgot this .

Listen , I want to point out the fact that he says it's like impossible and she says yeah , and then she says it's impossible , and they have like a moment where they're staring at each other and then they share this smile and it's that quality of being seen , of being understood , on that like molecular level that is intoxicating to , is intoxicating to most of us

.

However , if they , if , if we're to understand that they both have some neurodivergence , let's say they both actually are dealing with ADHD , and I think that's interesting what you said about their career choices .

One of the things that can be a part of the ADHD experience is a real challenge in terms of emotional rejection , Like the experience of it is way outsized in comparison to a neurotypical response . It's all very general . Obviously , we're talking about , you know , all the people in all the world .

But and so what I hadn't considered fully because it's just hurtful and it would hurt anyone is what it must have been like for claire , who also had this moment of connection , who also said oh shit , there's somebody else who gets me to stand there and hear this isn't worth the trouble . That had to be . That would be crushing for anyone .

But if she has any kind of rejection sensitivity and I know I'm like taking one piece of speculation but if she deals with any kind of rejection sensitivity that felt something like being hit in the face with a club .

She's so scary , scary , um , but but yeah , I mean , I I feel like because of their connection she , she would have likely known like what it was oh , he's not , yeah , he's freaking out like I freak out , all like this all the time . He's just vocalizing it like , like I , I don't know that then the natural thing is you walk away .

But whatever , that's something , when we go back and we redo , it'll be the last thing we ever touch on on this show , because we'll finish three and then go one to two . But you know , it's a choice that was dramatically impactful .

Impactful , but I'm not sure that I fully , you know , subscribe to my belief in the , in the necessity of the choice from her , from her end .

You said some shit you didn't mean .

We've never been mad at each other . That I can remember , Practically seriously . It just never . Now , maybe we don't have enough interaction , but we've worked together , We've done this show together for years now . We've disagreed about shit yeah , I know right , but we've never whatever .

So if , if I was in a freezer and you heard me , it doesn't matter who's in or it's not a freezer if I was in a box , if I was in a proverbial cage and I started going , you know , fucking coach , always with his what , even if it was like ad hominem , right , I don't , we know what we have , right , and and you would know me well enough to go , he's

not throwing this away , he's a he's like , and you go yeah , man , I can be like that , I'm really sorry . Like there would be no . Like when you know what you have now , maybe they don't know what they have , Maybe maybe it's a whole other thing . But like just having that connection with somebody where you go , we just work , you know like why ? Why ?

When I met boss it was there's tons of dozens of people that worked at this one place , but like she would say something and I would just fucking die laughing , like I would just die . Then she said something super fucking twisted on the message board and I would I don't think that's true .

And I would , I don't , yeah , no , and then I would just roar laughing . I'm like , okay , what is it ? What is it about this person ? Why ? Why do I feel so connected ? You know what I mean . And so you go , you get , you get these relationships and you say , okay , like these are , I just don't , you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater .

So , it's a whole other thing .

I could also see thinking oh , I was experiencing all of that . He was experiencing something that's not worth it . I thought we had a thing , I thought we got the days , I thought we were lining up , but apparently I was mistaken .

But this is also where my privilege comes in and this is where my like , like this , where I go , like remember , you say like oh , I'll talk to that lady in the movie theater and be like nobody sat there , like , and you're like no , I'm saying it and I'm like it's not worth that , fuck it , I don't want there to be in us I have the luxury of not making

it in us right , right and so with this . I go this we talk about this all the time like it's just a different . It's the act like you've been there before in the end zone why are you spiking the ball ? Why are you drawing attention to yourself ? Right , and so it's like , but why wouldn't you draw ?

So it's a completely it's just a perspective thing , where you would say like , oh shit , I guess I was . Uh , I thought , I thought I knew what we had , because I wouldn't say that shit out loud or right , and then there's like a wounded quality to it .

And also what I thought you were going to say was oh yeah , coach and I don't have a emotional , uh , relationship component . Which which , or boss and I , or , you know , boss and coach might have a emotional relationship component that , like , transcends time and space , which is a huge mistake that I've done . Is that like ?

they love each other like more than family it's like goes everything . So I really fucked that up . But what I'm saying is that does compound the issue and it definitely changes dynamics . There's no question about it .

I mean like yeah , no , and so no , no , no , no , that's not like . No , no , I was like what is happening and so , yeah , I had to look it up and it's , you know , you are basically , you know , the awesomest of the awesome . Um , but yeah , I was totally those seem to be English words .

It's like you're talking about well it's .

Anyway , separate issue , it's whose line anyway with sports .

Yes , good point .

They know this world for the bullshit it is and I that's been my experience like- people were like oh yeah , I bet like if he really tried to tell you like this is my life philosophy or whatever . Like you , would be fucking dying .

I hadn't thought that , although there have been a number of times he said something that wasn't supposed to be funny in context that made me laugh out loud , that for sure has happened on multiple occasions .

She says that I am a new soul , but my friend's dad , who passed away a couple years ago , used to always call me to my face oh you , old soul , oh Em , come here and tell me a story , and then I'd have to sit down with Fred and we would chat Because he was great . So I can't get a good read on it .

My understanding is that he is would not be considered an old soul , but maybe , like it seems like , either he is a a young soul with some old soul qualities or he's an old soul that is so fucked up that he's acting like a young soul as far as I could tell .

What about claire ? Um , she is difficult because , as much as she is a a fleshed out character , in a lot of ways she is more of a plot device than anything else . Like , we get a lot of good moments with her , but her job is to represent a kind of peace and so I don't know if we can say I think in real life she would be an extremely old soul .

But also just saying that makes me feel weird because I don't ?

I was like he handled that as best as you could . In that scene , jeremy Allen White is like so so , so good yeah , all those elements . But I didn't go like oh , this is proof that Carmi is like a right you know , I think it's the difference between being I'm gonna .

No , no , no and all this no , fuck you , fuck you . I get it . I've been around that argument before and it just cracks me the fuck up . That's exactly what that would sound like and it's totally incoherent .

And one of you would totally spit on the floor but apologize to one person , but totally meet it for the other person , even though it's everybody's fucking floor . This is all crazy . I think that's what it is .

He had some stuff that was and that's not a ha ha funny show , but but , but he was able to like pull the marrow of comedy out of some desperate moments . Um , and I think he does that for this show too . No , I , definitely none of this is the actor . For me .

I guess the attribution for the uh , for the comedy sort of I I put on , I I think uh , so , so , um , uh , chris soar is actually funny , like , like , actually actually legitimately funny , and has so . My favorite comedians , I think , are able to . They're like translators , so they have it all figured out for themselves .

They take George Carlin , for example , and then what he does is he translates it for the rest of us . He's already there , he already is at the finish line smoking a cigarette , and he's like , he's like , let me explain something to you , and you're like , well , I'm not even on the two mile mark and this guy and you go oh my god , it all seems so right .

And carmy's character . What I love about carmy's character is I've mentioned , uh , one of my favorite bands called frightened rabbit um , and it's a scottish band . Uh , just just really love them . Uh , unfortunately , it seems like every band I'm crazy about , the lead singer , um , ends up uh take overdosing or committing suicide .

So , uh , you know , like somebody who's coach has a frightened rabbit quality he always has had a frightened rabbit quality in a way , I have a frightened rabbit quality . I don't . I don't like there's something in your makeup where you go like just there's a little tremble on the inside about .

You know , the more of life that gets uncovered to you , the more you shake a little , and so it's not a negative , it's just a sort of state of being , and I see carmy as a frightened rabbit that was able to crawl inside of a kitchen and and turn off the , the voices , and so I don't see him as like wickedly funny in a translation way .

I always see him as like react reactively , funny to the nightmare of his existence . Does that make sense ?

Sorry for the convenience , like he's just so fucking good . I feel like sometimes there's a little bit of that to car me where he's like .

intelligence or a perspective , right Like there's an element of him running the nut house , even though he belongs there .

So that's something I probably haven't , at least to this point , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah ,

yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah

, yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , quality she's like oh , I , I go into it and I can play role play .

There's a in my family .

We have a type of humor , uh , that my came down from my dad , which is like mockery and teasing and stuff , and it's all in good fun , but , um , juliana doesn't like it , and so one of my sons is like predisposed , predisposed to it , um and um , and so he'll sort of whatever and I'm like I don't know , that's like that's grandpa humor and you save it for

when you see my older brothers and you save it for your cousins . They love that , they can't get enough of it . But giuliana doesn't like . She doesn't like . You know , I don't like the teasing .

Oh , by the way , I was going to tell you that one charming quality of what happened the actual thing that happened with the blue cheese dressing , uh was I sat down and there's like a , there's like this ottoman in the and whatever . I just sat down for a second , I had it in my hand and I sat down and nobody was in the whatever .

And then my oldest son came in and he saw me and he's like is that grandpa's ? And he knew I was going through something . And then all the rest of the kids came in and then what they did was my dad had a very noticeable voice and so he sort of talked in his nose a little bit . They started making fun of me the way he would have .

So we'll be this for him , and carmy is able . Like you said , he's running this , he's running the asylum , but he does have this element of like . He's able to transcend it and know that there's more outside these walls , right , so it's fascinating so , yes , anding that or maybe like dialing it in a bit .

element of stay black this is well , but but he does right , doesn't he ?

Three years from now , when we finally get back to it right I'm going to , I , I will , I will bookend this because there is a fucking line that he gives that I had to pause because I was laughing so fucking hard so when we get there , I'm really looking forward to that actually .

And so that's when we look at the scar on carmy's hand , it is a pretty gnarly scar . You would at some point ask I grabbed a really hot pot , which is accurate and true , and also not really the whole . It's not really the whole story . It's not the whole story . And it's him hiding . It's like , okay , I was ready to be this close .

I don't know if I'm ready to be that close . You know what I mean . It was sort of yeah , he'd have to let , she'd have to be let all the way in for him to explain that . Because that's from the , the , the , the frying the , the , the package goods incident , right , oh no , I don't , I didn't .

Okay , good luck with that .

So it's also that you , it's not just shock , it's that you literally can't feel it because you've damaged yourself so much , which is also still an apt analogy , I think interesting , yeah , so he says yeah to that , yeah she nods and then she says , yeah , this girl came in with like uh , cuts all over her on the fourth of july . Uh , it was .

It's always the worst day and that , and fucking saint patrick's day , especially in chicago , saint patrick's day , chicago is wild , yeah yeah , again , I knew that shit was real with um covid when they said they were canceling the st patrick's day parade . I was like , oh it's , it's for fuck , it's on . Shit is real now interesting this is it .

And she says she , um , she tripped and fell onto a glass table and it , just like it , ripped through her and she had cuts all over her arms and her back and her stomach and it was everywhere and she was bleeding and we couldn't figure out what the source was and she didn't know and she didn't know what happened .

She didn't know and she didn't know what happened . She didn't know where she was and , um it , we were slammed . So I read her chart wrong and she had a shock and it was , it was fucking terrifying . He said , sure , yeah , yeah .

So we gave her a shot of epinephrine and I felt , I , I felt horrible and she was in surgery forever and when she got out she was covered in stitches and skin glue and she was going to have scars , like all over her body . But when she finally woke up , she just couldn't stop laughing . And he says why ?

And she says I don't think it hurt yet , yeah , so there's a lot there .

Like people say , if you know , you know , but also if you don't know , you don't know . Right , and that level of this is so fucked that I have no choice but to laugh . Oh , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah yeah , that's an intense you know what I mean Like when a situation gets that bad that it's just like just be , just laugh .

It's just like this is completely fucked yeah , it's super , completely fucked .

When people say that they talk about their feelings , does that mean that they sit down and they like just say what they're feeling ? Because , like , I tell you a story and my feelings are incorporated into that , and you know what I mean by it . She was like I don't know what other people are doing .

This is why I have five friends and I'm like great , I love that . You and I are on the same page Perfect . But some people hate it . Some people dislike if they are saying a thing and then you tell a story that's similar . They're like no , I was talking about my thing . So for some people it doesn't work . For them it obviously was a bonding experience .

He was talking about a time when he wasn't paying attention and things went bad at work , and she was talking about a time when she wasn't paying attention and things went bad at work .

And I am not trying to undermine Carmi's trauma or abuse or the grief that he's dealing with right now or any of those things , but I like that the show was able to say when Carmen really really fucks up , somebody's dinner is 10 minutes late , and when claire really fucks up , she almost kills people .

It's so like I think that it's okay for him to think I really want to do well at this . I really want to make this successful and be excellent , but also in the same way that I'm like tedso , you guys are talking about a game that people play . Obviously there are stakes , but it's not the same as life and death . Hers is life and death .

I'm not saying that it's different . Literal life and death . It is different . I'm not saying Karmie shouldn't feel stressed or anxiety or upset about his job , but it does help to add a little bit of perspective .

And I really like this part because after we see that beautiful moment , really tender , uh , powerful moment between the two of them , we have a huge they call it an ecu extreme close-up onto the uh clock in carmy's room and we see that it is a blue , it's like the old school digital uh characters , uh , and it's like a light bluish sort of um , I don't want

to misrepresent it , but I also want to describe it for anyone who's colorblind . And uh , um , you know might not see it in the same way , but I'm getting , uh , I'm getting like a light bluish hue . Is that , is that generally what you guys saw ?

Okay , and that , through the diffusion , through the dark room sort of , I think , is what was painting them I think this was the only light source was the clock and was painting them in the hue of that purpley bluish light during their scene . So then we get , we see that it's 5.32 AM and we cut to Carmi and now it's just another very extreme closeup .

It is on his face .

He's laying in bed , head on pillow , looking at the light , looking at the clock , lit by the light from the clock , which is the only light source in the room , and we hear a train passing the distance , much the way you would say trains passing in the night sort of thing , and he is no longer with Claire in this moment , further emphasizing , I think , his

loss or , you know , the notable change in his life . Is that a fair read or do you think it was it was it ? Was it brought in there for another reason or was it meant to be an exclamation point on what he's lost ?

This is what would he would be thinking about when he couldn't sleep and would be the thing that would be preventing him from going back to sleep because he would be thinking about this over and over and over again yeah , either way , it's a hell of a juxtaposition .

Uh , we get a siren wailing in the distance , car Karmie blinks his eyes and then magically , blissfully , we get to FX Presents and we realize oh my God , this is a podcast that cannot get to the goddamn title sequence Sometimes , Every once in a

while . Every once in a while we can get there . I think we'll stop there today . This has run its natural course . Coach knows I always try to Go as long as we can To take advantage of the fact that we have this window of time . But you know what , coach , this will be a little gift , to give you the gift of some time To go get some shit done .

I'm going to do you the gift of some time to go get some shit done , do some boring shit . That's it . Woohoo , ssns and dates of birth , do it ? Anyone want to say anything else before we close up about that scene , about what we saw , about this moment , about using that to open Season 3 , episode 4 ? Is Violet the reason that the episode is called that ?

For me , what stood out is sometimes like we , we , we , so often and I don't mean this and I like , oh , if this happened to you , you attracted it .

You know , I don't , but I do think that sometimes , all right , I have someone I know was a part of like a tight group and they were essentially ignoring a problem that I could see was gonna go , like it was a bomb waiting to go off in the middle of this fucking group .

And I stopped and daphne was like mind your business , basically that's tsa , mind your business , but basically mind your business . And I was like no , no , no , no , no , because if this bomb goes off and I haven't said anything , I'm gonna feel like I was part of the problem . So I have this whole long conversation with the person .

Of course they tell me why , yeah , they're just going to ignore that bomb because it's not their fucking bomb . Bomb goes off . And one of the things I found most remarkable about the bomb going off . I was like no one's going to be more harmed when this bomb goes off than you , because your great fear is being ostracized from the group .

And that's exactly what the fuck's about to happen . Didn't listen to me .

Bomb went off , person's out an island and part of me does go like wow , we really do construct our own hell sometimes does go like wow , we really do construct our own hell sometimes , where , like , you are where you are , specifically because of the decisions you made when you were warned not to do that . So it just so .

I say that because with Carm , yes , he was yelling , he didn't think she was out there . Car me , yes , he was yelling , he didn't think she was out there , um , and we can't pretend that . He like screamed that into her face , you know , um .

But also all the decisions you did and didn't make up to that moment , including not taking care of the locker , which you're now gonna blame on her , which I'm like that is fucking rich . She is an ER doctor . There's no way she's just sitting around taking up all your goddamn time Like . That is not what happened .

You might blame it on her , but come on now . And , yeah , I just think he made this . So I mean he made this so Like we can . You know , I can feel bad for him . No , he didn't think she could hear him , but I mean for you to be screaming some shit about your girlfriend anyway , why are you even saying that to Tina ?

This was destined , it was meant to be blah , blah , whatever else and not into that . But if the thing happened because if the thing you were afraid was going to happen does happen it's because everybody could see it coming a mile away and knew that this was how things were going to be .

And I'm I'm not saying that it's not , you can't change it or that it can't be different , but this is . You know , when you get together with your siblings or whatever your family for the holidays and you're like okay .

He's throwing himself into the restaurant but he needs to fix himself . He was going to fuck this relationship up one way or another . The way he did it was sort of notable , but this was always going to be a fuck up because he isn't ready for it .

What I'm not saying is that being in a healthy relationship wouldn't be helpful to your emotional development . It can be , and often is , but it ain't a fix , Right .

And I do think that in a lot of ways that we explicitly or implicitly talk about relationships of that sort , we present it as a fix If you just get married , if you just this , if you that , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah . And then it would be all

fucking great . And I literally yesterday coached someone who was talking about like they're imagining of what their life was going to be like . And just in the middle of it we've been working together for a long time , but just in the middle of it I went OK , so just to . So I understand what we're comparing your life to .

You didn't get the perfect job and meet the perfect man and have the perfect wedding and live in a perfect house with your perfect kids , and so you'd like to fix that . And so she laughed . You know , we've been together a lot of times . So she laughed like , okay , all right , All right , coach . You know like let's , let's keep , let's keep the work going .

But I think we do do that . I think we kind of like set it up as if , you know , if you could just get to that , um , everything will be great . And if what I found is , yes , it can be very nourishing .

But if anything , my marriage has highlighted for me and I'm serious about this the shit I need to work on in me , and has I have responded by working on a lot of shit that I'm sure if I had never gotten married , I'd have been like , well , what the fuck ever like . If anything it's demanded , I be better not .

Yes , it hasn't fixed me , I have improved myself to be to where I need to be for it yes , and that is best case scenario .

I don't know that it was a fait accompli , that he was going to mess up this relationship . Sometimes , in my experience , when somebody is seen , that's what gives them the runway like coach like me to to improve , like you , if you have that support system , it avails you of many , many more ways and it's not like the person's fixing you .

It all comes from you , but it has to until you're seen by another person , which , car me was . I mean , the big knock on Claire is that she's like , not only perfect for Karmie , but perfect , uh , written perfect .

And so the question is is she that's like the big criticism of Claire , uh , by by you know people who watch the show , um , but again , is it because we're seeing it really through Karmie's eyes and so he views her as perfect , or she is actually that perfect , it doesn't matter Regardless .

Uh , really through carmy's eyes , and so he views her as perfect , or she is actually that perfect , it doesn't matter regardless . Uh , we could say like , yeah , he definitely wasn't ready for the relationship , but again , I , as I brought up earlier , I'm not sure what he did was . He never said I don't want to be a player .

There was no part of it he didn't mention . Oh well he never said that , yeah , he just said he had broken it down and again we don't have time for the he said remember he broke it down like you break down things , coach . Where he says like you have a definition for love , you have addition , you like to define things right .

He he's like oh , the definition of fun that he talked about in the al-anon meeting was like whatever it was , whatever I forget what the exact right there , fulfillment , whatever the , whatever the definition . He's like I don't have to have that . But I didn't think he was saying it like oh , I don't have it , therefore I don't have to . I didn't .

I didn't read oh , really , because that's not . That was . He wasn't like did you guys think he was going to break up with Claire once he got out of that thing ? How do you got out of the ?

You know , when I get out of here I'm going to text Claire and let her know that I don't have time for fun , not that , but I think in the thought and emotional experience he was having , was Claire got to go . I am locked in here because I've been fucking around with Claire and a bunch of goddamn distractions . No more distractions . That's enough of that .

I'm just going to make my new dish every night and that's what I'm about . Let's get this fucking star . That's the way I do it .

So what I got from that is that what he was saying was I am not capable of being in this relationship right now , and so I do think that he was gonna walk out of the walk-in and break up with claire .

But I think what he was gonna say was like I can't , you're great this is not on you , this is not your fault , it's me , yeah in this case , it really is fucking me . My brother died and I'm trying to open a restaurant and I'm still emotionally stunted because of the abuse my parents and my last boss gave me .

I'm a fucking psycho , is what he says , even the next day . The part that we did talk about was that he said I just told her I couldn't do this because of who I am . Like . This is all internalized . He is not blaming Claire .

The like no , it's that I'm so awful . I don't know .

relationship , I agree and I think if he could , if he did the work he would need to do to be with Claire , it would help him in his entire life . That's what I'm trying . I was kind of searching this , sorry , but you know what I mean ? If he could figure out , yeah , so it's like well , what's getting in the way ?

Because he is somewhat aware of it , right , Like when he apologizes to Mark or , you know , he talks to Marcus , is that right ? No , I already did that already . But about his mom , he openly says , yeah , I didn't do anything healthy , even remotely healthy , fuck . But anyway , good luck to you with your grief . So he knows , I don't know .

I know what you mean and I think I am predisposed for whatever thing made me love Ted Lasso too . I am predisposed for whatever thing made me love ted lasso too . I am predisposed to think that whenever there's an inkling of two people falling in love , we should just all root for that to continue on and happen and be a real relationship , like you know .

I mean like I think , because when you say it that way , like in a bubble I'm , I'm like yeah , you know , your brother just died . You open a restaurant . Maybe this isn't the best time . I mean just like the smoking thing . How many balls are you going to try to juggle ?

Like I got a lot of messages that were like are you watching Ted Lasso ? You should be watching Ted Lasso because you are fucking Ted Lasso , sir , but I'm not getting that here . But there are some elements of him that I'm not getting that here , but there are some elements of him that I'm like oh , yeah , oof , that's a couple years therapy .

Enjoy , call me if you need me . So I think that's part of my experience with Carb too . Oh god , don't yell it . Oh , you fucking yelled it .

alright , well , okay yeah it's a bit it's like when your kid does something , or I'm sure your nieces have their moments , boss , where you're just like whatever you do , don't , because I used to , all right , and you didn't , okay , well , all right , I can tell you how it goes from here .

There's a bit of that for me with car where I'm like please , oh god , alright well yeah , man , that was me watching .

We started as a great bookend Boss made Coach almost spit up his coffee when we started and I almost made him spit it up right now . Boss , where do people find you if they want to find you ?

That includes some of the some of my story with my father and baseball , and it's actually one of my my personal favorites I don't want to say too much more about it , but I'm going to share it in the community . So if nothing else but just random slash , morbid curiosity , come join and I'll be posting that piece Rant and rave .

If you think about what percentage of your time you have our miserable voices playing in the background while you study or work or run or jog or cycle , whatever time you're putting us on , it doesn't amount to much . So we certainly hope that you'll consider doing that . It's what keeps the lights on . It's what lets us keep the podcast going .

So if you're able to do that , please , please do so . If you can't , the second best thing you can do is make sure that you're subscribed .

I think only 70% of the people that listen to every episode are actually subscribed , so it's I don't care personally , but it's something that the podcasting world uh cares about and the and the and the you know the data miners and the , the powers that be inside the podcasting uh universe . It matters how many subscribers you have .

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We'll pick up from where we left off , which is roughly 5 minutes and 51 seconds in in a 30 and change episode . So we're going to shovel some snow . In the meantime , please support your local libraries and the written word , raise better boys . And until next time we remain .