Ted Lasso | S2 Ep10 Part6 "No Weddings And A Funeral"

Boss made me aware of this via murder pigeon , and I'm still . I still bear the , the scars of it , the . We could talk all all . I don't know how long we will talk about this . I'm open to . It's important , so we should discuss it .

I loved the line that Jamie said because , specifically because of the third part , the twats and I did , I gave short shrift to the first two parts and it's the potential to ruffle feathers was very clear , because I was like , oh , I hate my . I remember questioning my dad wearing dress shoes and I was like , why the fuck would anybody do that ?

And it's a luxury for people to not have to do that . And so boss took , took me around the around behind the woodshed and and and learned me up . And I want to say that I'm sorry if I , if I offended anyone , if my take was what was what's what's the word ? Just misinformed and rude . I , my whole thing was I , everybody knows who listens to the show .

I come at this from the perspective of you know , I wish I could just give everybody a pair of comfortable shoes . That was like that's what I was going for with , like I love this line . I wish nobody has had to wear crappy shoes .

But there is a chance that the way that it was perceived , that way that I said it was , was not sort of you know , in the spirit of thoughtfulness and consideration , and I take ownership for for sort of sounding like an elitist douche and I apologize for that .

No , I thought about it , though , because I read , I read , I listened again because I knew we were going to talk about this some more , and I thought it actually did strike me as a . I enjoyed listening to it , so for me it was a fascinating conversation .

Even experiencing it again , and I think what , I think what happened there , and I think it may , it may , be interesting to look at for some other moments in the show , it felt , as I listened , like there was a point there you were invested in , and the point you were invested in is it's stupid that we make each other or so whatever it is blah blah , blah ,

society , whatever wear these uncomfortable shoes that no one actually enjoys wearing and that is yes , yes , amen , like at period yeah yeah right . And that's not what Jamie said . Jamie said the people who wear this are dubbies . Essentially , now I think the reason I I highlight it is I think there are other points in the show .

If we see it as those who get it and those who get it as a binary , it's like , well , jamie couldn't possibly mean that because he gets it now , but sometimes it's continual mode you know , quote , unquote , get it which frankly , I think we're all on on some level . So I think there are other places where we are .

We've had issues around what a character did that could be really us feeling like , oh no , you're in the get it column now but you're acting like you don't get it . I guess that's . I think that's important to take knowledge that sometimes we get , we get part , or we get it over here , we don't see it over there , or whatever .

So I think I think Jamie is better than he was . He's a wee guy now in terms of the team and he's being elitist , like both things . And I think we've sometimes , when we discuss the characters , people in general will certainly characters in this show .

It's the folks who get it and are doing the good and who we now love , and the folks who don't get it and who we hate . But I'm not sure that it really breaks down that simply .

I'm actually going to back up a step though Castleton and say what you said was it were you agreed with coach saying what you want is to give everybody a pair of comfortable shoes , because nobody wants to wear uncomfortable shoes . So what I'm going to ask is why did you care what shoes your father wore ? What .

He had been buying the same type brand of shoe every year since 1960 , whatever right . And because it never occurred to him like , oh , maybe I should , maybe they have this style of shoe . But it was . It would be any much more , you know , like a newer , newer materials , lighter fabric , whatever , like that would never .

He would be like I go to this store , I buy that shoe , it's this size . And he wouldn't ever think of it . So I was like , oh , it's the same way he's to . Boss used to cut himself shaving all the time because he used the crappiest possible reason .

You wanted him to not be wearing the shoes that he was wearing because you didn't like those shoes .

Probably is what , but it's not .

I'm saying that if you say my information is more up to date , wouldn't that be more accurate and therefore better than the information he has ?

There , you know , I said , hey , there's other , they have this type of shoe but it's much more comfortable . And he's like , okay , and then didn't care , and so it's like , oh , I dropped it but . But I don't want to have to wear those shoes for myself . So yeah , but I would like people to be to get the whatever they want .

Okay , if , though , if that means that they have comfortable shoes , it means if they have uncomfortable whatever . But in my experience I can only go from my experience I have enjoyed wearing comfortable shoes more than uncomfortable shoes , that's it .

But if it's like I said , okay , if I , if and I think here I'd be in an interesting group to say this in if I said , unlike the hard hearted people who hate Ted Lasso or unlike that worse , unlike the assholes , like it's not even hard hearted , which would kind of like speak to some sort of whatever , unlike the assholes who don't like Ted Lasso .

It's like well , okay , hold on , Like you love the show , but I mean everybody has to love a show , so it doesn't mean that everybody who doesn't love the show is an asshole . But he takes those extra steps and , instead of asshole , he uses three things that are lower in context . There's no context in what you say to me , Orlando .

You are among the sheep in this situation . I'm going to fuck what we're talking about where . I'm going to take that as like a neutral statement . You're calling me a stupid follower .

. that is actually a really good segue to talk about some of the fan reaction , especially on like Twitter and stuff . Where there were some Ted Lasso , there would be somebody would tweet something about . I do not understand why people love Ted Lasso . I watched it . The second season is trash , I don't understand .

So people's response sometimes would be if you could watch the show and like it , you would understand what Ted Lasso is trying to teach you . But you can't because you don't have a soul . Like the first half , I'm like oh , that makes like . Maybe if you , if you liked the show , you would like it .

It is then that sort of step into the second half of this where you're like and because you don't like this thing , I am making a judgment about your morality and who you are as a person , and that is the part that always gets me .

If I showed up wearing I don't know jeans and a t-shirt to a formal dinner , I wouldn't want people saying like , oh well , she's lazy , she's lovely , she doesn't care . I would want them to think like she isn't that concerned with getting dressed up for this .

That is a different opinion than if I showed up with a Confederate flag t-shirt , like there are some things where what you ?

If you wear these shoes , that's because you care more about vanity than comfort and that means that you're a twat Like I want us to examine when we just , yeah , yeah , no , no , you've got to finish that .

That Like , if I see somebody wearing a pair of uncomfortable shoes and I hate wearing uncomfortable shoes am I thinking that person has a different pain tolerance than I do ? Or am I thinking that stupid motherfucker doesn't even know that you could be wearing comfortable shoes ? Like which one of those am I going to be thinking ?

I'm saying when society says , oh , you have to wear X , y or Z for in order , if you want to make money and exist in the capitalist society and be accepted , you have to wear this whatever . Fill in the blank .

That's that bums me out , because I'm like oh , what if they , what you never know someone could have bone spurs , they could have bad knees , like shoot , I wish they didn't have to wear combat boots or work boots or you know what I mean or whatever , like whatever the thing is , that is exacerbating situation . I would like them to have an alternative .

It goes back to the help economy thing , goes back to the thing . If they want that choice , I want them to have it .

I thought it was funny again , like whatever , but with her and the closing of the door and the sort of like not waving back to Ted and all these things that precede what we're about to to , you know to , or what we just walked anew with him , right , and On the one hand you could be like well , what's that about ? Like there's no need to be rude .

But I was listening and I thought actually , if she had engaged Ted Lasso , she never would have gotten to know Ted Lasso , yes , and basically what she did was like I'm not here for your shtick man , so like when you're ready to have like a real conversation , sure , but I'm not here for , like , the performance , yes .

So is that rude or is that real or is it both ?

I know like three of her songs and this isn't one of them , but there's a line about she wears short shorts , I wear sneakers , she's cheer captain and I'm in the bleachers , and when Taylor wrote this when she was 17 , she probably did mean some sort of judgment about it by , like she's a girly girl , she's a cheerleader and I'm sort of nerdy and quiet .

And later somebody rewrote that , as she wears short shorts , I wear T-shirts . Both of us are representing our womanhood in our own way and we're good with both of that , which is obviously supposed to be a joke .

But that's like it's sort of the development that a lot of people I think mistaking , where if somebody's doing something differently from you , if they're doing it in a way that is different from you , you can notice that that could inform your opinion of them , but you don't necessarily need to make judgments about them as a person and the segment .

Jamie definitely was doing that . And then some of the things that you said , castleton , I don't think that you mentioned in a bad way . I think that you think I would like everybody to be comfortable , but I think you drew some conclusions , good or bad , about the kinds of people who do wear those shirts , wear those shoes .

You drew conclusions one way or another .

Let's do the deep dive into what I was thinking or what was behind my enjoyment of that line , whatever , and then it takes a true friend to first of all call you out on it and then take the time to walk through it with you .

So I have nothing but respect for the time and the effort and everything that's gone into sort of clarifying this moment , because I think it's easy to at least it was easy for me to .

I had no understanding of how that line would land , if you know what I mean to somebody who wasn't in my shoes , wasn't somebody who just like was like oh yeah , I hate that . I hate shitty shoes Boom .

Yes , and in a way , like even Ted as much as we view him as like our absolute North Star of curious but not judgmental like in many ways he exhibits that he judges when first coaches why ?

I think it's really easy to slip into it , but if we can be mindful of it , like actually , maybe the traffic example keeps coming up for me because that's a place where I've been like practicing some of this stuff and it is reflex of all reflexes . If somebody cuts me off or does something else that I don't like asshole , selfish , this , that like what ?

like maybe they were listening to the Ted Cast and got distracted Like how the fuck do I know ? Like I've made all sorts of judgments about this person and like wishing them the words like , oh my God . So I think we just , I think , just remaining ever mindful of it is the real key .

I don't know if everybody could tell this , but I am a white lady . I've only mentioned seeing the national 17 times in the concert , so maybe you picked up on that .

But , like after the women's march in 2017 for Trump , there were a lot of women in color , I like on the interwebs and on Twitter and everywhere else saying like , okay , ladies , you got your pink pussy hats and you went to the march .

Now you need to know we have been doing this shit for a long time and you need to understand your complacency in white supremacy . You need to get where we are because we've been here and we've been saying this shit and so we need you to get on the thought and I was like well , that's not fair . I voted for Hillary . What did you want ?

I went to the march , I did all the things . I have the Ruth Bader Ginsburg doll ? I'm not sure what you want . And so it took a while and I was like shit , I gotta unpack this , I gotta be okay with hearing criticism from people on this thing that I considered myself to be good at and to be a strength for me .

And this shit fucking just came up again last week with Goddamn Barbie . Because , in case this is years from now , greta Gerwig and Bargo Robbie both failed to get Oscar nominations for the movie Barbie Greta Gerwig for directing and Bargo Robbie for acting and threads where I know am was fucking pissed , I think rightfully pissed .

I think it's a snub , I think it says something about patriarchy and I think that we should get into it . But there were a shit ton again . Women of color saying the color purple got one nomination . Like why aren't we fucking showing up for Taraji P Hunson If we're gonna show up for Margot Robbie like this ?

Like we need to discuss this in a way that feels uncomfortable for white ladies in particular , because we're like no , we're feminists , we believe in this shit , but we didn't pay attention to the woman King when it came out with Viola Davis . Like there are all these movies .

We haven't fucking done the work and we haven't been paying attention , and so like I do actually understand the how uncomfortable it is to address some of these things , especially when you feel like it is something you're good at , it is the thing that is good about you , and then you're like shit , am I doing this not quite the right way ?

How do I get this figured out ? It's difficult . It is the primary reason why I think of myself as an asshole , because the more that I'm like , oh , I'm gonna fuck this up . So bad , I'm gonna do it wrong , I'm gonna be an asshole . Then when somebody is like , hey , you fucked this up , I was like , well , all right , what I fuck up this time ?

Let's go . So it's practice . It's hard . It requires a lot of like making sure that you were staying in touch with all that stuff , and I made you do it on a podcast . So thank you so much for letting us talk about this .

I don't see it as much of it ends up being a snub because it should have been like . Everybody should have been like yep , yep , yep , yep . But I'm like I always just think , god , there's so many misinformed . Sometimes we get so pissed off about one thing and if you look and you're like , oh God , like we , just we want to attribute it to .

Like there's this wave of patriarchy that refuses , like they were like hell , no , not Barbie , whereas like it probably was something much dumber , like you know what I mean . Like if you look at the , the , the , the ballots and stuff , it's like , okay , what's the average age of the person in the Academy ? And have they even seen it ?

And they're trying to be like , oh no , I'm mindful of , I could not possibly do that . I'll let my peers who have seen Barbie vote for it's just all these different things , and you just go , okay , like it's probably just stupid , but it's . It ends up totally so .

Yeah , Very very judgment Please let's not get into Crash , not today . Even , even , even even we don't have enough time .

Am I gonna be able to educate ? No , it's like we have to just wait them out , and it feels like we're turning a page with a younger generation .

Well , there's two pieces and actually and this is a scary thought that Ms ADHD over here is gonna do this part , but I actually do wanna get to the Rebecca and her mom , which I've been staring at , but , but , but I think it's really hard sometimes for us to realize how much we can be complicit and have no awareness of it or no , and to have taken no

active steps , Like that's almost what the complicit piece is , right , but like that , and so , yes , it is correct that people vote Oscars-wise in all sorts of ways , and I don't think anyone sits at home and says , listen , if we're gonna do anything this year in March , we're gonna protect whiteness and the patriarchy . I , you know , if that exists .

I would agree that that is de minimis , probably .

So there's a whole thing of you know , and you know teenage girls scream about boy bands and we're like , oh , how stupid . But teenage boys might , and this is all very super binary genders in presentation . But , to make the point , teenage boys scream about their local basketball team and we're like , oh , that's such passion , right ?

And so I think you could not intentionally be dinging Barbie , but not take it as seriously . Yes , in part because of the way it's presented and the humor of it and the music of it , but also because , frankly , it's fucking Barbie and girls and women were more into it . So obviously it's not worthy of being taken as seriously .

And I think you could think that , or have that in you and have no awareness of it , like you could think like no , no , no , I just happened to like this movie more . There's so little about our preferences . That's about what happens to me .

And fucking Ted Nugent on not PBS , the other news channel we're not gonna talk about was saying something about how raunchy and vile and perverted it was that a grown woman was talking about having sex with her husband in a limo . As John Stuart said , that should be a Republican's wet dream . That should be a thing that they fucking love and are super into .

And Ted got damn Nugent who , like I think , adopted a girl so that he could make her his wife , essentially oh no , yeah no like a full on absolute creeper who wrote a bunch of songs about cat scratch fever or some shit , like really gross shit . He was like , oh , Beyonce's too vulgar . I'm like , no , Beyonce's not too vulgar .

Beyonce is a thick , beautiful black woman who was talking about having consensual sex and that creeps you out . That has nothing to do with her . That it's your interpretation of it , because we are a sexist race of society , so we are registering that as being more sexual than it is . Man , she's just talking about how her husband thinks she's hot and she is .

She's fucking right .

been , and I think they've done a much better job . I don't give a shit about the Academy because in general , I think art award like it's just a capitalist function , like what do you mean , best actor ? Yeah , what are we talking about ? You're pitting artists against each other . That makes no sense whatsoever .

They should all win , and if there's a what's winning , anyway it doesn't . It kind of grosses me out . But when you watch these , like , how many times have we ever ?

It's just talking points , because like , oh , like , we can reference crash , for example , and a lot of people will say Chicago , for example , like there's certain best picture winners where you go like well , what did they say about Chicago ?

There was something I saw the Associated Press assistant coach of the year , which I didn't know was a thing . I just saw that for the first time in the NFL coach . Did you see that Like assistant coach of the year ?

They got it perfect , 100% accuracy this year , because it's so subjective and instead we should be looking at the films that are getting nominated and it looks like there's . You know this , people are . I remember once upon a time in this country you couldn't make a film that was based in Europe . You could not do it Because American audiences would reject .

They're like , I just don't care . You can say , if you say , okay , we're going to open in Paris , that's it , end of story . Right away you get , you get . They'd shut you down in the pitch room because they say , no , american audiences don't watch that . So they would say likewise , wait subtitle .

Even if you said , okay , we're going to have a character come in and speak French and we'll put subtitles , they'd be like what ? What are you talking about ? No , no , the movies in English . We're going to actually speak English , but just this one guy , just to keep , you know , the suspension of disbelief , like they don't speak the same language .

That will make this thing possible . Whatever you're pitching , they'd be like no , no , no , they'd have to . They can have an accent like they have speaking . So , anyway , I think we've come a long way . When you look at some of the films that are being made , the fact that Barbie had this fantastic response Like again , we can choose to the snub is so .

You know the , the , the , the Academy's quote , unquote snub , right , it's , it's in the news and it's whatever . But the thing I'm going to choose to remember was everybody dressing up in pink , men and women . It's like like it was an event . Nobody planned it , nobody said where pink . You know what I mean .

And then you'd go to a show in a Barbie and there'd be an ocean of pink and people really getting into it . And I don't remember it's been a long time . It used to be Star Wars movies and what people would be dressed up for . Or you know very , very seldom do you get that sort of traction . That's actually an interesting point .

Yeah , it was really wonderful and it was a beautiful thing and the the the fact that certain Academy voters are either , you know , clueless or uninformed , or both , or completely missed the boat on a cultural phenomenon , doesn't diminish the beauty of that .

But , yeah , like I was not in the least bit alone and saw several what I assume were you know dad or uncle or whatever , walking with , walking in with girls wearing pink , and it was . You're right . Honestly , you said when was the last time ? I don't know in my experience that there was a last time .

Like I think you may have just identified for me the first time I'm aware of wearing this country , that societal , like we're all going to wear this thing . That is clearly a nod to and adjoining in on a women's cultural moment . Actually , like I'm actually like right now , like going through it in my mind , I'm like I think that's a first for me .

that's fine . I think Barbie was it actually reminded me a lot of when the Dark Knight came out and it didn't . At the time it was only the top five for Best Picture and it didn't make it , and this was one of the times when people actually like lost their shit . They were like how the fuck do you mean ? Dark Knight didn't make it .

He flipped a semi in downtown Chicago . How do you not give him an award for that ? And so they expanded the Best Picture nominations and now you could do like up to 10 or something .

I'm not saying that Barbie is necessarily going to change it , nor that it's going to mean that the Oscars mean anything to me next year , but I think society has an understanding of the Oscars themselves . That is changing the idea that award shows were initially meant as union busting mechanisms is becoming more and more popular .

Like our understanding of the players have changed our understanding of the Oscars .

Oscars actually being able to respond to some of these things and saying we're gonna bring in more members of color and women , and like trying to moving on this , like actually making adjustments , is not the most we could ask for , but something that I'm not going to ignore , like if you are continuing to make progress or something , even if it's slow , it's fucking

better than sitting still .

So some of what I saw and I thought it was really unfair and kind of like a pitting , like the oppression Olympics was oh well , america , for our , got nominated . So what does she not count ? Well , as a person of color , I guess I'll take some liberty here and go . Nobody was fucking talking about that .

It's like , well , how is that the point ? It feels very I used to say about America and racism that America's constant response to being told about racism throughout history has been well fine , are you happy now ? And I just feel like Jesus , like no , I'm not fucking happy . Like am I happy I'm not a slave ?

Yeah , do I feel like I should be able to drive from here to there without thinking this could be the last fucking thing I ever do ? Also , yeah , like what the fuck ?

It's like that thing , like , oh , you can't be one of these and you're like each shit . So it makes me crazy .

But when you're talking about directing , you're talking about the fact that it's the director's vision and you're talking about the fact that the director is on set every day coaching the actors and then the subtlety of each individual performance to make that particular final product . And she's not among the top . Well and again , who cares ?

Because at the end of the day it doesn't matter . But she should be in that group , she should be at the head of that group , based on what I watched and so . But again , if it's not everybody , there's that .

There's that thing where , where an actor takes a certain role and you're like , oh , they want to want to get not , this is their Oscar Right , and you know what it is . And so it's like , oh , oppenheimer , it's got all the bells and whistles , it's got up .

But you're like , you know , I'm not saying it's not a good movie , quite quite the contrary , but because one thing has historically been , you know , towed the line closer to what the expectation is for that award and another thing comes along that rivals it from totally out of left field . That should be given as much consideration as the first one .

We should be in a place , at least among industry professionals , where that , you know , the fact that there's a new kid on the block doesn't mean that they're not worthy . You know , by virtue of being new and I think it's the woman director thing makes me there it's only because there aren't , they've never been given enough .

It's like when they say also another example is black coaches in the NFL , where they had to make a rule they called it the Rooney rule to say like if you're going to not interview for a coaching position , you have to interview a black candidate because teams just wouldn't do it . And there's nothing like that , comparably , in the film industry .

And when they're this slow in the face of this much talent and this much like authentic excellence that everybody witnessed and that also from in a capitalistic society , paid off in silver dollars , right Like people people voted with their checkbooks you say okay , you can't just whistle past the graveyard .

So like there are people whose opinions I very much , and I'm thinking of one guy in particular who's like and I'm sure we all have friends like this who's like so super well read and just like .

I've never I don't know that I've ever been around him and a novel got mentioned or whatever you know , like even online , where he didn't have at least some knowledge of it and probably had to read it and he did not like Barbie , like artistically . And I have no reason to believe this guy is like women shit .

Like there's a man , he just had his issues with it . I guess I didn't get into it with him , but I found myself speaking of judging , kind of bristling that he was saying that he didn't think it was great right , because somehow he was damaging women directors by saying that , which is fucking insane , like you have to be able to like discuss them .

But also that is a real thing of mine . So like when people would say about pick your black quarterback .

And for those who are not familiar with football and how this particular piece plays out in American football the quarterback position is seen as truly like , even say , field general , like they are viewed as the leader of not just the offense but of the team , and so for many years black players were kept out of that position .

And there is a reaction I sometimes have , even if , legitimately , a black quarterback , let's say , had had a bad game . I don't even get into specifics , it doesn't matter how to bad game or made a horrible mistake . But it's just past weekend , I you know , there was a play that was like what the fuck were you looking at .

But if I heard someone say , oh see , you can't read a defense , I wouldn't take that as a football critique , at least not totally . I would be like hey , hey , watch your fucking mouth , which , by the way , it was a horrible , goddamn read , like you know , like on its face .

So there's a I don't know , there's a tricky piece that emerges there and it's worth at least thinking about .

I did not love it , I thought it was good , and I also thought that I liked the movie more than the story , which is never a thing that happens to me . I always liked the story . I want to know what happens , and then how it happens is secondary to me , for me , and so in this one , I liked the movie .

So , whatever that is , there are times where I'm like this movie is so good , even though I don't care about the story that much .

But with critiquing one of the things that came up in a conversation I was having earlier this week , because I'm kind of a nerd Henry David Thoreau , who famously wrote about self reliance while he was staying at Waldenpont which , by the way , belonged to his good friend Ralph Waldo Emerson not his land , he was being self reliant Not on his land , while also

being self reliant and living off the land . His mother was bringing in fresh laundry and food every week because he was being self reliant and he was teaching us about the importance of not depending on society . He was being self reliant . That's fantastic .

So the levels to that are that not only at that time were women not taught or encouraged to write and think in this way , they were often actively prevented from doing so , and also they needed to be physically taking care of the men who were writing about these things , and also they did not have a woman there to take care of their physical needs in order to

free them up , in order to do the mind expanding thought that is required to think I don't need anybody , I'm going to live on my own . Oh , thank you for the sandwich

, mommy . Like whatever it was that he was thinking , women at the time would not have the venue to do it in the same way . So our critique of him is he did this all by himself . That is not the reality of the situation .

He had come to understand not just the work but how he was doing that work in ways that are completely different from the reality of what did happen . And so when it comes to Barbie , you think like well , of course a woman could direct , like of course you can't .

But it's the fact that a woman was given a blockbuster budget in order to make a movie on a toy IP that seemed impossible to adapt into a movie that wasn't a GI Joe or I don't know . I think maybe at one point they were going to try to make Monopoly Like .

This was a difficult task for somebody who traditionally has not had the same venues to success as other people , and she fucking blew it out of the water , she wrote it and she directed it and she did the fucking hell on both of those .

And so I think that there's a difference between saying this is not a movie that I loved and saying this was a bad movie . This was maybe the best movie that came out last year .

You might not have loved it the most , but it's probably the best , and I think that having an ability to recognize that and also recognize that America Ferreira deserves all her shit because she gave the hell out of that speech and also acknowledging all of the flaws within the system and you don't have to look at it just one way . There isn't just one answer .

There is a complication to all of this that feeds into our overall understanding .

I wish I could remember one of the points I was going to make .

And so whenever someone takes up , like they just like a product , Like it's like a doll , and out of the ether they crafted now something that is part of the public record , that is like you know just just again , whether you like that or not , it had a vast societal impact and so I give it a little extra credit because I'm like it was just a toy , Like

it was just a doll , you know it'd be like .

We said this early on in our conversation that this has been , that this merits even our debate on whether was that classist or is this what I was ? Is that an attack on the patriarchy ?

That they even got this concept to the point where it merits this conversation is astounding , but that is , that is an amazing feat that was pulled off by the creators of Ted Lyser .

I definitely would have made that . So it's like it's very difficult to capture . You know the essence of the quality of a video game on the screen where you depersonalize it , but when it , when it works , every once in a while you get a video game movie that works and it's , it's amazing when it happens .

So , yes , Barbie , Ted Lyser , flu , these are all things that classics that probably otherwise you know , sort of beat the odds and we're all better for it .

Like , how is there not a joke there ?

You know , like , even if they're , if it's subconscious you know yeah . And also the ability to . There are these wisps ? There's a video game I play with these little floating lights in the darkness and when a comedian catches a joke , it's like .

It's like catching these little wisps and floating in the dark because you're like , because you get , because you get an inkling way there's a joke there . You know what I mean .

And then , and then , if you're like , wait , if I set it up and if it works , god forbid , coach will record the audience when he does a set and you , when you hear it work you , oh my God Right , it is like it's , it's , yeah , it's , it's like it is truly like nothing else .

I saw people rocking forward in their seats laughing so hard that they were shaking the row , the seat row , and I was like , oh , my . God that happened , Like you know what .

And you know , to close the loop on the Greta Gerberger , but to , to , to direct a feature film , you're basically catching the wisps in everybody else's performance and guiding those wisps and making sure that you edit the .

You're in the editing room trying to coach your editor , like OK , no , no , we need this little beat and I don't know , taking nothing away from the editor . Editors are great , but together you're , you're sort of making that magic happen . And when it , when it hits as hard as Barbie did , it's tough to overlook . But apparently some people still could .

that's a . That's a perfect way to get into what we're actually supposed to talk about today , coach , which is the we left off last time with a scene about . It was the cross cut scene between Ted and Rebecca . Ted was experiencing the stuff of his father's suicide . Rebecca was catching her father in an affair .

We went through the text , but we only had time last time to do the Ted side of it because it was something we really wanted . The reason we prioritized the Ted part was because , boss , we had been waiting to get bosses take on it for a long time . Now we want to jump into the Rebecca side and Rebecca was was chronicling .

We read through the text and so it was again a formative episode in her life , something that solidified her feelings about her father and about Cheaters and about trust and and informed her ultimate rejection of her own marital situation .

And so where we pick it up is with Rebecca and her mom , deborah and boss , can you , can you go and actually coach , can you be Deb and boss , can you be Rebecca ? And let's just go , just do this little scene quickly in the whole time .

Now I've got a whole lot of baggage . When I love something , I love it forever , and I loved your father .

But her mom is sort of slight in her dealings with Rebecca , not as engaged Even to the point where you know she doesn't know . Well , she says here , I imagine being relieved , that someone hated you , like one of your children , like that is a that's a hell of a statement .

Deborah came from , like if what she was doing to Rupert , the way that she was behaving and saying oh Rupert , it's so lovely to see you , I don't give a fuck about you , I don't even care enough to be upset that you are trying to upset me , is what Rebecca was inadvertently doing with Deborah .

Rebecca was so removed from what , so distant from Deborah , that all she felt was apathy . She didn't feel any of the hatred because Rebecca had decided .

Whenever Deborah left her husband in the first time , like after that , rebecca decided I am not going to be involved in the drama of this , so you could leave him , you could go back , you could buy you a Tesla . I don't give a fuck . And that was what Deborah was picking up on . Was that Rebecca ? Was that moved from it , right , right .

So knowing that actually the reason behind all this was because she was still so angry at least meant that there was a connection between the two of them , even if the connection is shitty .

I really care about you and there's something we need to talk about , Right , but we just really missed that opportunity because he showed up with the Tesla in time . So , yeah , it made me . It makes me now even think about the song as a thin line between love and hate , and it really is , and I do .

I am of the opinion that love and hate are not opposites , that it really is love and indifference that are the opposites , and so I got this to me .

You know I probably share this with you all , but I remember I was probably a junior in high school and we were talking about whatever we were talking about in English class and I said I'd rather be hated than forgotten and I was like , oh , and I remember my teacher being like wow , like we're like , we're like leaning forward , like we're not having class

anymore . This just became an officially like interesting conversation I want to have . But yeah , I meant it that I mean in there like to be irrelevant to someone like that sucks and .

I didn't need him to be perfect , like it wasn't perfect , I didn't need him to be . I'm like wait , what Like that's that makes me like my head hurt where I'm like because it doesn't .

It feels like settling in one way , but it also feels like that she's evolved in another way , that she's so self aware that she's like you know what I mean , because , again , I wouldn't wish settling on somebody . But then Boston's like what , if they're happy settling , who are you to fuck to say whatever ? That's the whole thing .

It can be difficult when you're Rebecca and you have this experience , especially , especially when you had the experience and it's been so beneficial and you've grown in ways you never thought you could grow .

Now you're coming through the other side of it and you're like I would wish this on somebody else because they too can have this transformative right , but maybe they would , so it's hard to know .

That was going on , and to understand the broken parts of this guy that made him run and be with whoever it was who was so fucking wonderful that he always came back . So what are we even discussing ? Like , if he always came back , you would think , like , obviously Deb , in this , in the instance we're discussing , deb is not the problem .

Now , if he just up and left her , you could argue that like , well , he decided that you're too flighty and nobody wants to deal with your crystals , right , okay , great , but that's not what happens . He goes , he does , he has his affair , he runs off with whatever new woman . Then the newness of that wears off and he comes home , and so that's about him .

If you decide that you are gonna be with one person for the rest of your life and you are not gonna have any other romantic or sexual partners outside of that , you are going to accept the foibles that they come with . And for American society , one of the biggest issues is infidelity . You do not cheat , we will look down on you . You cheat .

We will do stories about couples where one partner cheated and they stayed together and we will run that on Buzzfeed , even though Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary when I was in middle school . Like we're still gonna talk about that shit and still make that something that we come back to .

I also knew a woman who I worked with in my early 20s who she and her fiance had secretly gotten married , and only after being married and getting a house together did he confess to her that he had blown through their savings and put $50,000 on credit cards because he didn't have enough money to cover everything they needed , and she did not leave him and

nobody that we talked to that she told about this said you have to leave him Like . In my opinion , he had betrayed her in a way that was so much more significant than getting drunk and boning a chick at a bar . That was like inconceivable to me .

I feel like I can be pretty forgiving for a lot of stuff . If I found out that my partner had cheated on me , I would not automatically walk out the door , like we would discuss and figure out and we would work on that . But do not fuck with my credit , not actually . I want you to seem like you could , but don't actually do it .

Do not have a child , because I'm not playing stepmom , I'm not doing it , I fucking will leave , and those are my rules , and other people are allowed to have whatever rules they want . I think whatever works for you best . I think , as we move into this a little bit more , rebecca isn't actually upset that her dad was cheating .

Rebecca is upset that she couldn't talk to anybody about this big secret that she thought had ruined her family . And so , even in that , if Dabra knew he is going to cheat and he is going to come back , then she doesn't need to worry about it .

Maybe she doesn't like it , maybe it's not great , maybe your friends give her a side eye , but there is no secrecy around that . She knows what's going to happen . He's going to go be a prick and then he's going to come back , and then we will figure it out from there . And I'm going to get a new car in the meantime .

For me , why it really landed was this is when they were both abandoned , that each of them was abandoned , and I can make the argument that I see the path to Ted forgiving and healing more clearly and more in a way that I could travel than Rebecca's To me to have something like that happen and to come back and to have him never mentioned it again , almost

because he knows , mom knows , and mom knows , mom knows . And maybe neighbor lady with her legs in the air knows , mom knows , maybe everybody knows who knows , but the one motherfucking all is who did not know was Rebecca and so he left this traumatic thing sitting in her lap . She comes back .

I mean , my God , like that is , that is a more profound for me , to me , a more profound For me , to me , a more profound choice that represents abandonment , like we talked last time and I thought you did a great job , boss , about talking about suicide , thinking of those terms and all of that .

There is no version of not having this conversation that I can view as anything but abandonment . Yes , you're a fucking parent . Like you don't get to go . Like , oh , but it's going to be uncomfortable for me to admit that I was born in the neighborhood . Like what ? Like I don't give a fuck , I don't give a fuck about your comfort , sir . Like what is this ?

Yes , put on some wingtips and go talk to your daughter . Yes , it was a comfort thing .

I'm not sure if you can tell me that they aren't anymore , but like in Waspie Households it's like well , dad had too many scotches , but everything is fine , don't worry about it . Like you have to keep the lid on .

You're like no , we're totally fine family and I'm like yeah , but when your dad is having seizures due to alcohol withdrawal at your birthday party , like that shits out the window . Things are fucked up now . We can't be just , we are so far past that we can . This is , mommy , dearest .

When Christina the daughter if you haven't seen it , it's fucking terrifying Faye Dunnway comes in , she starts screaming at her kid about their wire hangers and she drags her from bed . She makes her clean the bathroom and she's like throwing comet all over the place and , after she's done , losing her mind .

Christina the daughter is like standing there looking around at everything and she just says , Jesus Christ , and it's not like this is terrible , she's just like this is so fucked up . What just happened that . So I think that , in a weird way , the tragedy of Ted finding his dad dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound pushes it past the like . What are we ?

Are we going to pretend this didn't happen ? Cause this is , it fucking happened , whereas Rebecca is still stuck in the . I can't tell her , she won't talk to me .

What made you think this was a secret you were going to really be able to keep forever ? Like that was a crazy fucking thing to do . That was . That was a crazy , that was .

That was arguably worse than Rupert's choice , because it was like you are the president of the United States and that is a White House intern , like this is so fucked up and weird and what are you doing ? That I think I feel like , at a certain point , the very thing that made you say why would you be out to neighbor ?

And I say , but that's your assistant . And I say that's the White House intern . And we go like and therefore don't fucking do it .

I think for that guy and I will say that I think Rupert is absolutely supposed to be dad's shadow cast into , you know , rebecca's life for that guy that part of it is that like there's a whole thing going on now and I'm not going to say whether it's true or not true .

I'd heard rumors for years and now starting to come out in regular media but where Diddy has been a part of some pretty wild situations , including , as I was told , in rumor , but now has come out more widely having male artists who wanted to get their careers off the ground and came to him perform Felatio upon him in his office .

Oh , wow , yeah , yeah , yeah , I don't know that .

Like you've had all the champagne and you have all the money and you had this and you own a fucking Premier League team or whatever it is , and you're and you're president of the fucking United States . You could blow up the entire earth if you so chose in the next 15 minutes . And I think it all becomes a bore .

And then you just like head into these odd directions for like the thrill of it . I don't know , because I'm not these guys and I haven't had that life , but really like that is , it's so like oftentimes my reaction to these stories is like really like I get infidelity on a basic carnal level . I don't get why you chose to do that . Yeah .

You know what I mean . It's , it's . It's a different thing altogether . And yeah it's not . I don't think , I'm not defending it . I think , no , no , no , no , no , it's just like they're super messy and miswired and and or no , no , no , no , it's not even miswired .

It's like we're all wired differently , and so someone might really understand that in a decision making matrix , someone for every person that would say that's nuts , you know there may be , you know , one in a hundred that might be like that's the you know , I get , I fucking get it , I really get it , so yeah , I mean comparing these two and you know , but is

Rebecca's , then I hate you too for letting him treat you like that .

So like , in a way , is Deb catching some of that energy and then how much of it does she kind of have to own ? Like she didn't think about the impact of having that kind of relationship with her child's father on the child . She saw it as just like what she was dealing with .

But it's very clear right now that it is not just what she was dealing with , and this poor kid has been like traumatized . Like she's talking to a in that moment as much as she says stop being a child , and I do think it's significant that that's what like finally makes her record go . Oh , really , stop being a child .

But yeah , she's talking to a teenage girl who's like , yes , what the fuck was that ?

That , like I have stepped up for you every single time and you , as my mother , have failed to do that for me every single time .

Like like when we found Rebecca and when we've we've we've talked about this a lot like she was , you know , older Becca , she , she was like she couldn't keep her man happy and therefore , on some level , she deserved to lose in whatever that , that insane concept is Well , she aged , like women do .

This is this is you know , when we talk about you , the two of you will get in someone's face or let them know very clearly you don't like them and I'll never , ever give them the inclination and I would absolutely despise them Like I don't want there to be any . They don't want them to know they've gotten to me or anything . You know what I mean .

It's just a different way of operating . But it's funny because Rebecca should be able to discern this in her own mother . You know you would think like , oh , I can read , I can read my .

You know , usually if you're close enough to someone and you see them smile and you say like , oh , I think they don't like , you know , you'd know them well enough to just read between the lines a little bit . It's funny that Rebecca surprised by this that you don't like .

The best way to deal with people like that is to make sure they know they can't get to you .

They don't know the real other person because both of them have been hiding so many things for so long that they didn't want to be around each other to learn about each other , and they couldn't because they weren't being real with each other .

So it's , you know , it's a powerful piece , and that the priest then comes in and says All right time to go out there , and you know , do the show .

I would probably go further and farther than most people would say is right if I thought there were an opportunity to mend it . So I do have some of that to me , yeah .

But like , okay , let's , let's do this Most romantic thing ever . I love it so much .

Yes , and I think there's something a little sad to me , that that which we view as romantic and I get you know the history of the word and blah , blah , blah , but in terms of like the thing that makes us all go , oh is the flowers and the pomp and the circumstance , whereas I think some of the most beautiful moments in terms of , like my own marriage have

been moments where Daphne just kind of like got me you know what I mean . Like that , yeah , that's meant more to me than you know any number of sort of bigger moments that people might point to and say , oh well , that's you know , oh , isn't that romantic . So I love , I love . To me , that's the real stuff of relationship that would you just discuss .

What I think is that even when you make a vow , you cannot keep it , but you can't promise that you'll keep it Like I'll love you forever , except maybe my feelings will change . I don't know if I could control that , I would , but I can't . So so instead of , I will love you forever .

I acknowledge that things are going to be really shitty at times , but it's more important for me to be with you right now and deal with the shit then , not get to be with you If . If things turn shitty , this is worth it .

And you can make , you can draw a straight line from that moment in that episode to his moment with Dr Sharon , I think .

I think he probably could have kept it together on this front and continued , as false as it might have been in certain ways , but once he became his father in his experience of it we were going to have now he's going to have to face this thing Like that was that , that was what that , that was what ended that , that piece .

But I guess what I , you know , I've shared my definition of love investment in the optimization of outcomes for someone or something . I'm so proud of that definition and I think I can promise to love someone forever , even if I can't promise to be in love with them or together with them . And I think that's what she was saying to Ted .

Ted , this isn't the end of love . This is the end of this marriage , this form for us right now , not a winner and it doesn't work . It's not working , but it doesn't mean I don't love you and it doesn't mean you don't love me and it doesn't mean that we don't love our child . It doesn't mean any of those things .

I think that's what's in the line of but , ted , you're not quitting , You're setting me free . I think that's what she's saying . Is like that's also a kind of love . Are you going to , are you going to hold me hostage here literally for the rest of my days , because once upon a time I thought I was going to be in love forever , and now I'm not .

And they divorced a few years ago and that was because they before it got really bad , when they were just sort of not being the best versions of themselves for each other called it .

They were like I , we actually care about each other so much that we need to divorce right now so that we don't get to a point where we hate each other and I , yeah , yeah , that's fucking impressive , that is to be able to do that is wild .

Like to give up on this version of the relationship because you want to maintain something deeper than that is like really mature and really impressive , and I hope more people are able to move in that direction . Like if we end this part of the relationship , it doesn't mean we didn't love each other , it means we can't do this part anymore .

It came out in 2019 , directed by Stephen Frears , and it's basically Chris O'Dowd and Rosamund Pike are a couple trying to work out their relationship and it's the 10 minutes or so that they meet in a coffee shop before they go into couples there . You never see the couples therapy .

It's just like them meeting to hang out for a second before they go in and it's just really , really . There's two seasons . The second season is Brendan Gleason , who's like my favorite actor on the planet , and Patricia Clarkson , and second season to me wasn't as interesting because Brendan Gleason was like sort of the opposite of whatever he is in real life .

You know , it just wasn't . I wasn't as interested . But the first season Chris , chris O'Dowd and Rosamund Pike I thought it was really well done .

It's very British and Irish and Chris O'Dowd's case , but it's the way they talk about certain things and infidelity and relationships . I thought it was clever . So so , yeah , it's again just just the 10 minutes before they go into into therapy , before they go into couples therapy . You catch them getting a pint together and I thought it was clever .

And , you know , in a world where these conversations are so often , I don't know , like not captured properly , I think this is a really good version of that . It was just really interesting and well done , well written , well acted , well directed .

I mean , I'm a big fan of the group and one of the things I've said to people is like marriage is about who's going to wash the dishes . Like that's really like , and it's some of what you were saying there , boss like , yes , sure , great Valentine's Day , love it , and like it can be very nice .

But like I find the other stuff and to me , what you're describing , coach , I just just sort of Googled it some see , like to me that's what this is is like two people who do care , who probably are also kind of tired because life is fucking tiring and they have jobs and they have other pain in the going on and , of course , you know , some money that they

thought was going to come through didn't come through . So there's that stress Like I just think so much of relation , of like the real stuff is not the stuff we make movies about , and I think that's why it's so notable and interesting and intriguing when we come across someone who really does start to unearth those pieces and explore them .

So I'm not sure where state of the union fits into that , but it is a thing that I love about her . She's like I'm going to do one , one round and then I'm going to be calling girl and she's amazing and I love her .

This is another take on a relationship and , yeah , I wish we could , wish we could get people's input on it , because I thought it was fascinating and I just thought it was .

There's so many ways to write relationships where they're , where they end up being antagonistic or sort of , you know , confrontational , and it's rare to see a relationship where people try to work , work it like , work it when there's an issue , and I thought that was a . Those are all strength of the film .

Right , rebecca and Deborah are called out of the back area of the church and it's time for the start .

I thought it was like a great final note of that .

Because the first shot is Rupert and no , no , that's not . What is he ? What is he ?

I like that he was not turned on so much as perplexed and I kind of read it like he was like okay , so I'm looking at a breast , I'm not looking at a breast , like I feel like it was trying to be and is this ? We're in church , we're at a funeral . I shouldn't be thinking about breasts right now , but I don't know .

I may have like put a lot there , but his look to me was more perplexed than anything else , like he wasn't pleased or disgusted , he was just sort of like what is happening right now .

Paul very well came to church every weekend , sitting right over there paying attention to every single word of the Richard match he was listening to on his phone , which is yeah .

So I felt like that we're now getting a little peaking . We're peaking between the two of them , as if we're in the pew behind them . For that line struck me as quite intentional .

The priest continues a vicar I think he's a vicar , not a priest which he showed as a husband and a father to his family as well . Yes , now we see Keighley looking at Roy . She's seemingly still sort of annoyed annoyed with Roy , a little bit , it seems that way . And we get shots of shots of the team .

And now the vicar says now we hear , now we will hear a eulogy from Paul Sonder . Rebecca , now walk us through the rest of this coach .

I think it said yes , beard and Jane are on their own wavelength , but they're not outside of all society . He realizes that someone I care about to eulogize their father . We're done with FaceTime now . So I thought that was cool . So I thought it spoke to the Jane relationship and it spoke to who Beard is and it spoke to the Rebecca Beard connection .

And then Rebecca gets up . I don't really know what to say . I have eulogized my father , so I was definitely feeling her at that moment . I had my shit written out and I still felt like I was confused . And then Ted . So at this moment Ted suddenly arrives . Everybody turns around as you would .

It's a quiet church and you hear the creak of the door and the door closing and all that . And everyone turns back , looks around , but there are smiles Like even I don't know that anybody was sitting there going where the fuck's Ted ? Where's Ted ? But the family wasn't complete at that moment . And then it was like okay , we're all here now .

We're actually all actually here . So I thought that was cool .

And then Ted makes eye contact with Rebecca and says hello , with a salute , and it's almost there's a little bit of to me , to my eye healing in Rebecca's face , like wow , like a higher order version of none of them are wearing trainers , and he sits down , looks around and we see Rupert look back at him and then Rupert turning around with this look of disgust

on his face . And so in an episode I think is all about how we do and don't show up , who's been abandoned , who's been taken care of , who's been protected . Right , here's Rupert showed up early , not on time , showed up early , was not there for Rebecca , was literally not there for Rebecca .

Ted showed up late , but we know what he's gone through to be there and absolutely showed up there for Rebecca .

And Rebecca at this point has the level of discernment and emotional intelligence and growth that she's gone through , that she is perfectly clear as to which one of them is there for her and which one of them is not , which one of them is a reflection of the abandonment she got from her father , and which one is a new and different kind of relationship .

That's part of the new , wonderful version of her life . That's not easy , but is wonderful in its own way . So I felt like there was a ton a ton going on in there . I also think it matters that Ted , for all that we just saw him go through was like and now I've got to hustle my ass over to this church , I got to get over there . If you ? If ?

Later on he had said to Rebecca hey , you know the problems I've been having . I had a Dr Sharon came over . I went and took a fucking nap . I was like it was terrible . I'm sorry , rebecca's gonna understand , but that's not the point . The point is like I am together enough to finish putting on my fucking tie and go support my friend . So off I go .

Yes , so there's a lot built into this moment .

Right , it's just , it's just to cause trouble . He's a , he's a creature of chaos . And so again , you look at that , which is nice . Also , as someone with tremendous social anxiety especially , I talk about how it really rears itself , like entering a room , or you know especially like so so walking in late .

This is like I like , got a little choked at watching everybody turn nightmare .

But when you know who someone is , you can , you can kind of roll past it and accept them , for you know , meet them where they are .

And the only reason that I bring that up is because in this scene , Ted is showing up . He didn't mean to be late , he didn't want to be late , he wanted to be on time . He wanted to be there . When he couldn't make it on time , he wanted to be there as soon as he could .

His intention was to be there to take care of Rebecca , sort of juxtaposed to Dabra saying I couldn't show up for you because I'm not strong the way that you are . I couldn't leave him . I'm not strong the way that you are , and so Dabra's intention wasn't to hurt Rebecca , but she accidentally did .

And so I , just as much as I do want to take into account the intention that if somebody walked over and like slammed on my foot and then was like , oh , sorry , I'd be like no , what the fuck do you mean sorry , you did it on purpose and you hurt my fucking foot .

I do feel like you always need to weigh those things , but it can happen in both directions . When you don't need to hurt somebody , sometimes you can . When you want to be nice to somebody , sometimes it doesn't always work its way through .

It's the only thing she can get to come out . Apparently Wouldn't get this from any other guy and then , with a little more force , as she picks up a little bit and people are trying to figure out what the fuck is she losing it ? Like that's the sense I get .

But that moment of actually that is , I've actually been in front of a church singing a song after someone died and couldn't finish like that is this ? This actually happened to me in my life not my , wasn't my father , but this has happened to me in my life .

What just happened to Rebecca was like , oh , I can't keep singing , like I am officially crying now and Ted , oh wait , hold on the reaction .

Like Rebecca walks down the hall and it's like whoa , like here she comes and to see her sort of just be a puddle in this moment is a lot to take it like , particularly her .

And then Ted , from the back of the church where he's taken place , continues it for her , joins her really never gonna say goodbye , never gonna tell a lie and hurt you and Keely gets it . And Ted encourages everyone else to join in . But here's one thing I wanted to say about like the nuances of being there for someone .

There's a version of this scene that I'm sure I would have liked to but that I wouldn't have known . I missed out on this version where Ted then stands up and walks down the aisle and he and Rebecca finish the song together and wow , isn't Ted great ? What a great . Whatever Like he's .

You know he stood up and he stood by , but it wasn't about him and he knew and he didn't intend for it to be about him . He was just helping her get through it and once he was done coaching her , she was all good .

He knew anybody to say like , hey , good job helping her out there , like it was over , like that's what he does he frees people and in this moment he freed his friend , but he , you just need a little help over this hump .

You got it from here and then encouraged others like yeah , come on , community , like it's time for us all to like take care of her now .

So , anyway , I thought the way they play this out , in addition to using that something that we all know have all rolled our eyes at , whatever and to make it this powerful , but also to not have not make it a Ted lasso moment , even though the show is Ted lasso I thought showed like a real sense of like , nuance and sensitivity about where Rebecca is in this

moment .

I was like I'm fucking out , this is what ? What is this ? Saffron bullshit . I'm fucking done . I love it .

There's that moment where it's like you know what I mean , it's like it gave everybody and also to have a knowledge of the song enough to say that it's not like there were lyrics up on the .

Anyway , I was floating in the middle on a lot of season two , but I thought this was sweet and I think people have such a it's such a complicated relationship with with death , like everybody .

It's so universally complicated that a moment of like , yeah , it's a community , like I don't want to say synergy , that's like a corporate jargon , bullshit word but like it's sad because it's been taken over , but it is that in this moment , you know , and yeah , I thought that was , it was beautiful and I love that she , she thanked them because it wasn't a

breakdown , it was a breakthrough . Yeah , is that what was ? Yeah ?

And I think she , in this moment , not only does she answer it yes , I , for me it is more important to be loving right now but also in her choice to be loving , she was able to experience a moment with her community of healing .

That would not have happened if she had stood up there and said my father was born here , he had this many siblings , he worked over here , he built this , he made this bunch of right . Because she expressed herself as honestly as she could in that moment and offered herself up to them .

Then they could say then they could embrace like the real Rebecca and actually comfort her , like that was a thing that could actually happen because they were actually encountering the real Rebecca , not the finished , you know , stiff upper lip , whatever version that we've , you know that we see otherwise .

You know the ones that you remember , the people that are really really close to you , but if you're sort of going to other ones , it can be very by the book and scripted and not a whole lot to actually honor the . You know the like how interesting the person was or the scope of their life , or you know what I mean . And there was this .

I don't know if either of you have seen the show Hacks . Gene Smart plays this comedian , deborah Vance , and she does this great thing . She takes , she kind of takes over a funeral at one point and you go , oh , my God , it was so much better . You know what I mean .

It's like , oh , it's so much better to do it that way , you know , to make it like actually about the person . And I think she starts off and says like what's the drunkest you ever saw , this guy or whatever . You know what I mean . And then people are like so alarmed , you know , because it was just by the book .

And then she got up there and was like tell me , you know what's the most fun you ever had with the deceased , like ? And it totally changed the mood and the vibe and made it more about the person than sometimes .

The ritual is a protective measure to insulate people from the I don't say sometimes it usually is from the , from the heartache and the misery and the reality of death and mortality . So so , yeah , anyway , this was the Ted Lasso version . It was a beautiful moment .

And , again , for the people that love Rebecca , once she has this moment she kind of sort of sort of wipes some tears away . Her mom is beaming , sassy is beaming . You know what I mean , these people who love Sam Keely , ted , like , the people that adore her .

You know , you have the sense it's going to be a very memorable moment for all of them collectively . And , yeah , it was a nice choice . All right , we're going to leave it to that . We're going to leave it right there Today . We'll pick it up after for next episode . We'll pick it up in the receiving line .

Coach , where do people find you if they want to find you ?

Also , I'm hoping sometime this week writing at the antagonist , which is antagonist blogcom , but still trying to put together my thoughts on that , so I can't make any promises . I write a lot about time travel . You can go look up some of the other stuff . It stays good forever because it's time travel .

Now we don't want to talk about it , right , and now it's has a name that nobody calls it , and then we try blue sky image . Now we're a threat , and so it's . It's what a conundrum . It's wild .

I give up , I'm over , it's over . I can't , I can't keep moving .