Episode 27: My Toastmasters journey - with Steve Bates

Having been a Toastmaster for 11 years , steve says he's spent a fair bit of those years . Hang on , I'm going to start that again . A fair number .

Most recently , he won the District 69 Table Topics Contest in Caloundra . Through our Leading Edge meetings , I've had the pleasure of seeing how Steve refines his speeches and practices , both table topics and evaluations , and it's such an inspiration to watch him put it all into action . Steve , welcome to the show .

So I've been a firefighter for gosh 35 years now and at one point I was a training officer . So I had to stand up in front of a lot of my peers and teach them and try to keep their interest .

So I went from a person who was terrified of public speaking to someone who just had to bite it and started to do it , started to enjoy it , found my vibe , lost that initial fear but never the nervousness and got to a sort of certain level , I guess , where guys were saying to me hey , I really enjoy your training , you actually make things easy to understand

and comprehensible and I like the way you do it . So I went , oh , really , okay , well , that's great . And then I thought , well , how can I get better ? So I used to ask them well , how do you think I could do it better ?

And so many of them just went with a blank look in their face , just keep doing what you're doing , like it was just a thumbs up , like no real feedback at all . And I thought to myself look , this is now my comfort zone . If I don't stretch out a bit , I'm never going to grow .

So it became a New Year's Eve resolution to say I'm going to challenge myself , I'm going to join Toastmasters . Easy resolution to say I'm going to challenge myself , I'm going to join Toastmasters .

So even then it was a couple of months before I plucked up the courage to walk through the door of my local club , which was Bunya Club at the time , and joined the club and , I guess , went outside in the comfort zone and really never looked back .

I didn't realize I was staring at the ground or for um , saying the word up , um , so that's that sort of thing makes you really take a good . Okay , I could do that , and then you do better . So , yeah , it really stretched me and pushed me a little bit .

And then , on my second speech I think I gave at club level , marilyn Freeman , who was a highly experienced and well-respected Toastmaster , came up to me and said you know , that's a speech that could actually win a competition . And I went really , and she went yeah , in fact , if you like , I could be your mentor and I could help you .

You know , go into the competitions , which was exactly what I wanted to hear , because I'd just seen one of the district conferences and I'd watched the people up on stage and just thought they were amazing and I could never be that good . But gee , I'd love to do that one day . And so her saying that was just a complete blessing .

And so I took her up on the offer and she helped me refine my speech and just went into competitions and , lo and behold , I started winning some . And that was quite amazing because I was still quite a newbie and with that speech , with a lot of help and a lot of people on the way , I got to district and came second . Wow , awesome .

That was completely mind-blowing at the time because I'd never been past club level . So , yeah , each step was a step outside the comfort zone , each level , area , division , yeah . And I remember winning area and thinking , well , okay , obviously I've got the winning formula , I've got a great speech .

And Marilyn just shook her head and said your work's only just begun . Now it really starts . You know , you've got to go around the clubs , you've got to talk to other people . I'll introduce you to my mentor , a fellow called Mark Hunter .

and people do want to see you know everyone succeed , which you know . It's hard to find that anywhere else . I think I've just really not been in an organisation like that .

Only when competitions do you really refine one speech alone . So you spend the time , you refine it , you change every little word . If there's a sentence there that doesn't quite work , you get rid of it . You take on board the criticism , you try again , you present it . You get more feedback . You change again and then you get more feedback .

You change again and then you really , really analyze what it is to make a good speech like . Why does it work ? What is the parts that can be dropped off from a speech ? You know what I learned pretty quickly was your speech takes your listeners from a to b . It's a direct line .

You don't go off on tangents , you don't add extras into it , even though you might like that sentence or you want to talk about that topic as well . You've got to . You've got to cut it out , and it's hard thing to do and you've just got to go .

What the message is that I'm trying to give to the audience is why laser focus and that's what I need to concentrate on , not go off on a tangent .

It takes a bit of discipline to do that , but only through competitions where you do that one speech over and over and over , to the point where you're sick of hearing it and your dog's sick of hearing it and your partner's sick of hearing it and members in your club kind of groan and moan that they have to hear it again Only then have you really approached

excellence . And I always say excellence is never anything you actually achieve , it's just the road you walk on on the road to perfection . So yeah , only through repetition , and it's just a process and it's a motivation to do well , because you know you come second and of course you want to win the next time .

So you ask yourself what do I need to do to win next time ?

And I was listening to Kevin Ryan speak at the District 69 conference about professional speaking and he was saying that professional speakers constantly refine their signature story over and over and that the contest path is very good practice for that line of speaking as well , because you're not giving different speeches as a professional speaker .

It's the same type of message and you have to be able to deliver that message in seven minutes or 10 minutes or 40 minutes or a day or whatever .

I I didn't really put the energy in it and the audience picks that up pretty quickly . If you're not really connecting with them and staying focused on the audience and giving the message to them , you're just saying the words and making the motions . People will see it and that's something that was really humbling and made me really stop and take stop .

That you know . I I was just doing that . I wasn't really feeling it and you've got to feel it .

I think professional speakers do it too , where you've really got to adapt to the audience , pick up on the vibe of the audience and roll with that and really enjoy giving your message , even though you've given a hundred times and you're made bored with it yourself .

Some of the ones , uh , most recent speeches I've heard you talk about , you know about your daughter and um and and your armor and things like that and it's just yeah , it connects and I can kind of see it pulling on the heartstrings of . You know all the parents in the audience going .

And that was hard to do because , as a male , I've spent a lot of time protecting those feelings and you want me to expose them to strangers . Are you insane ?

Well , I started talking about um someone I knew who nearly died in an accident , and you know I nearly sobbed in front of everyone and made a complete fool of myself , but I didn't die , I didn't sob , I actually got control again and kept going and I realized that you're not going to die up there . That happens , in fact .

No one's going to laugh at you or say anything . They're going to to roll with you and feel that emotion with you .

And so when you realize that people are on board with you and they're empathetic and they're feeling your feelings , then you can share those feelings with them and they'll understand you and go along with that journey with you and it's a really great way to connect .

So , being able to sort of search my soul a little bit and share some feelings with me and it's not a perfect process I've done some speeches sharing things that just fell flat .

But , yeah , being able to talk about things you know that I love my daughter and you know things in my life that have happened and , um , being able to do that and keep control and realizing that it's something important for the audience to hear and connect with , it is a big learning moment that I've taken away from Toastmasters .

You know , I think when people hear a speech like that and they do feel touched , it's like , oh , it becomes memorable and that's what makes the speech memorable .

Yeah , so they know me , hey , hey , steve , you know good to see you . I'm like I don't know if we've met .

You know , when you become a manager and you have to do evaluations , give feedback to your staff good or bad it's a difficult skill to manage initially and I struggled a bit with that and it was easy just to go through the motions of you know , yep , that's good , that was good , yeah , fine with that , happy with that . You could improve that .

I think it's not until you do evaluations in toastmasters and you realize that people are hungry for quality feedback of areas to improve and done in the right way . You're doing them a huge favor and a huge disservice when you don't do that .

So you know people , when people just give you , yep , you're great , just keep doing what you're doing , it does you , can't grow from that , it doesn't really give you anything . But when people say , give you , yep , you're great , just keep doing what you're doing , you can't grow from that , it doesn't really give you anything .

But when people say , look , you do this really well , you might not be aware of it but actually your strength is this and that's a great gift to give . And then when you say what you could improve is by doing this and this is how you might want to do it .

That's a huge gift and it really takes a bit of courage , but , boy , it pays dividends to the person receiving it . And then , once you get comfortable with that and you can give that people really respect , that you tell it like it is you .

You are very aware of them and you're looking at them and wondering how they could get better and appreciating what they're good at . And I've just found that , as a manager and a leader , I've grown a long way just by being able to give feedback to people , and I learned that skill from Toastmasters , without any doubt .

That's not what's going to buy their loyalty and and get them on board with you . It's it's the the loyalty comes from .

I see you , I see who you are , I appreciate you and I'm invested in making you better and this is how I think you could prove people love that and I'll follow you if you do that and that's , yeah , that's theoretical , but also what I try to practice and then hopefully people can see it and go oh , that's how you do it and I know I've done that throughout

my career . There's always someone . You go . I love the way that person runs a meeting . I love the way that person um gives feedback . I love the way that person writes a really good email . You know you learn little things from everyone as you go .

So if you can demonstrate and you know , walk the walk , I think you're leaving a pressure on other people you're not even aware of .

I think that doesn't then roll over to to every area , like it's just it's noticing the good in people , as you say , and seeing them , and when people feel seen , they do connect and they naturally want to help you out and , you know , do better , I think .

And it's an important skill not just to just be able to evaluate , but I say to them , to appreciate what a good speech is is to really listen and analyse what it is . And you only do that when you're evaluating them . So you can hear a good speech . You go , I really liked that speech , it was good , it was funny , great .

But now you've got to evaluate them . So look deeper . What should they do ? What was their structure ? What was their speed ? What would their body language look like ? Did they have a good introduction ? That was interesting ?

And suddenly you've gone from a person who just likes music to a person who can play music and can really analyze and knows a good musician or a good song when they hear it , because they know it . And that's what I try to get people to do with speeches .

Um , but of course the evaluation side is also important too , that they know how to give feedback without feeling embarrassed that they're criticizing people or going over the top . Some people evaluate far too harshly . Yes , and that's . That's something they need to control too yeah , yeah it's , it's not often .

So it's it's a gentle , uh area outside your comfort zone and you'll grow from that . The things you do outside your comfort zone pay off 10 times in your real life .

So I've competed in evaluations international and humorous but I never really competed in table topics until I went to area and you know we were gathered up and said look , we're having enough competitors being someone to represent .

I remember um yeah you're one of those people who step back , if I remember , yeah absolutely , I was able to compete the international , I was like , oh look , I'll do it . I don't know if it's parenting , I'll give it a go . Yeah , to my surprise , I won .

And then onwards , and and now I've won a district , which is just amazing , for something that I never planned for . Yeah , so in a way , I said yes , because again , it's a challenge . Okay , I've never done this , it wasn't what I planned for . Here's an opportunity . What am I going to do ?

Am I going to walk through that door that's just opened , or stand here and wish I had ? And that's just my philosophy in life is , when you can take an opportunity , you take the next step , which , ironically , was the theme of my Table Topics district competition . So there you go , full circle .

And I think there's plenty of interesting opportunities to say yes to in Toastmasters . And I definitely think that Leading Edge , the nature of the people there , they tend to say yes a whole lot , you know , very often to major things , major projects , major undertakings , and that rubs off .

I definitely think that being around people like our , you know , our members , our fellow members at Leading Edge , is definitely by default . You have to raise the bar , you have to raise your own bar .

That's how it was and you can't help but be inspired and go oh God , I could look my game a bit here . Like , look at these people . Yeah , so it is inspiring and it's the people you surround yourself with are the ones you compare yourself to and help to set your agenda and your goal in life .

And I think if you surround yourself with people like that , you can't do too bad .

I just wouldn't have had the exposure to the different levels of , you know , the Toastmasters organization , or it would have taken a lot longer perhaps to find those different areas of and and being involved in the conference .

And you know , yeah , I think I think you're right , it's being around very inspiring people inspires you to push yourself out of your comfort zone .

But even like , I think , our agenda for our next Leading Edge meeting , I think I'm evaluating you and I'm like , oh , you know , I still kind of get the , you know , I know I'll be able to do it , but it's sort of still that , oh , okay , I've got to evaluate a really awesome speaker and that's nerve-wracking because it's as an evaluator I want to be able to

give you feedback about you know , and give feedback and do an evaluation and provide , hopefully , some value . And , yeah , it's like , ah .

It's your , it's totally personal , it's your impression of that speech and you own that and it's you . It doesn't have to be a technical you know you'd put your hands here , sort of thing . If it's a , I really enjoyed your speech but I found it a bit blah , blah , blah . That's your impression and that's valid . So I'm happy to hear that .

Yes , it's just one person's point of view , but you've obviously really listened , really gave it some consideration , and in the end you went , you spoke too fast or you spoke too slow or whatever else . I'm wanting to hear that because at the end of the day , certainly the judges don't give you any feedback , so you don't know what's going on in their minds .

So again , if people just tell you you're great and pat you on the back , you don't grow at all . You need to know what people really think and that takes a little bit of courage , but I want to hear it and I'm sure a lot of other people do too .

That was something I need to look at myself and , you know , won table topics , which is great . I won a district now and I feel like wow , that's a big tick in the bucket and even though I went well , I did win international , which is what I set out to do . But a member of our club did and he's similar road to me .

He's come second a couple of times and nothing . When you're a competitive person , nothing sucks more than coming second and I've interviewed people at the Olympics and they said the levels of happiness and the person who came third is happier than the person who came second yeah which doesn't seem to make much sense .

But then you look at it from their point of view . The person who came second thinks half a second faster I won gold . The person who came third thinks half a second slower . And I'm not even on this podium . Yes , so I'm lucky to be here . So , so it's that sense of gratitude , right .

So when you come second , you kind of think , oh , so close , yeah , I can do it next time , I know I can . It's frustrating . And then you go back and come second again and you go , okay , what am I missing ? What is it ? And so Colin , same journey . So I totally get him and feel his pain .

Yeah , so when he won , I was just as excited for him as probably he was . I was super excited . Oh yeah , really happy for him and in some ways I feel like I achieved it too . You know , it was like okay , so that's what it felt like . So I don't know if the hunger to come to win a district for international is still there .

I have to really have a think about that , because I've got a trophy now that says district and Colin's won and I'm happy for him and I'm thinking is that something I now need to do or should I focus on something else ? So that's where I'm at . I'm not sure how to challenge myself as yet . I'm happy just being Sergeant at Arms with our club this year .

I don't think that's a big challenge , but at least I'm doing something . My work is very demanding this year and I'm sort of I should be winding down , but I've actually got a huge challenge for the next 12 months or so at work .

So I think that that's enough challenge and I've got to balance my life out a bit so I don't don't have too much stress , because that's can be a negative too , but just enough to keep you motivated . So it's all that stuff I have to keep in mind and balance out .

speech , or do you pick specific speeches for competitions ?

So if you write a speech that you particularly love , it's close to you , it means something and you want to give that message to the audience , then you're on a winning formula .

If you write a speech that has ticks all the boxes and it's going to have this and it's going to have that really good alliteration and the judges are going to be impressed with it , the , the magical ingredient , will be missing . So you really got to write it . From what is it you want to say ?

And you're passionate about saying because that will come through , yeah . So colin won with his speech because he was passionate about saying because that will come through , yeah .

So colin won with his speech because he was passionate about encouraging children to follow their dreams and not shatter their dreams , because obviously that was particular to him and he really wanted to give that message and it really felt it in his soul and it showed . Yeah , the audience went along with him and that's why he won , right ?

So he went up there to think , okay , now if I pause for 2.5 seconds and I put my hand in the air and I gaze off the distance , you know I'll ticka box and people see through actors pretty quickly . So you really got to do what generally is yours . And I guess now at a point where , if I'm inspired by something , um , that's what I'll write about .

Uh , particularly table topics , sometimes you get an interesting table topic on something you haven't really thought about and something just comes out of the depths of your past , your experience , and , um , that's how I got the suit of armor thing . It was a table topic where I just said you know , my daughter was born .

I just melted a hole through my suit of armour and people just went , oh , that was fantastic , that really I felt that as a dad and I went , oh , okay , so now I'm connecting with an audience and it's something that I feel . So other people feel it too . Okay , let's see where this could go . And I built a speech around it .

So , mind you , I've done that 10 times and then thrown away .

about , you know , speaking from your ego or from your heart , and basically being authentic and you know , and not doing things the formulaic way , you know pause here , gesture here . You know , yeah , whatever , and just actually speaking from your heart and being vulnerable , which is what she was sort of saying exactly .

But having said that , if you're very new , you know being told how to stand , where to put your hand , pausing instead of saying um , are still vital components of the craft of giving a speech , but you don't want to go too far with it . That it's you . Become a pantomime actor .

You want to be authentically you , unique in your own way , and sorry , I think would that just cut out a little bit .

That's absolutely right , and what we should all aspire to is to be genuinely ourselves trying to give an authentic message to people , but also realizing that people new to giving speeches still need to load the building blocks of it , the the words to use that when they give a pause instead of an um , how to use your hands , that sort of thing .

But learning that without becoming uh too robot like or being like a pantomime actor about it . Still be you authentically .

You and I always find , when people have their own little mannerisms or way of talking , that some people want to nail that out of them like , oh , get rid of the way you say this sentence or use your hands , and I don't like that because everyone's got their own personality and they shouldn't lose that .

They just should make sure it's not a distraction to the message . So as long as you're not distracting the audience , then it's quite all right to do a certain gesture a little bit , but half the time I say just lose it by that 50 , don't , don't lose it completely .

And at work , because I am a toastmaster and people know that because I've run a few speeches , speechcraft courses , I became the go-to guy for emceeing events and I've emceed graduation ceremonies and award ceremonies .

But they contacted me and said would you be the emcee or the main person for the memorial for this fallen fire fighter , which is a huge honour and a huge , I guess , responsibility . And when you consider the premier down attended this and it was broadcast to thousands of firefighters around queensland .

I was so grateful I had this toastmaster experience to draw on . Yeah , now you could say if I hadn't joined toastastmasters I wouldn't have had to do it and therefore it was a bit easier . But I'm I'm glad that I did do it and that it was . It was hard at the time but I'm so glad I look back now because people say what a great job I did .

So , yeah , I'm so grateful to go outside the comfort zone to give myself that opportunity . And then just recently , only barely a month ago my daughter got married and I got to give the father the bride speech , and I think I did a really good job of that too . So you know , there are moments you don't want to .

You want to give honour to and do it well , so you have to do the preparation work beforehand and , as I said to my daughter , I've been practising this speech for 11 years now , so I think it should be good . I'm expecting it will be , and I put a lot of expectations on myself .

It's about using that the skills to take the message out to wherever it needs to go into your life , you know and having an impact there . So great , great examples of where and how these skills , can you know , can help you to have impact on people around you .

There's going to be opportunities or moments where you have to give a speech or want to give a speech when you want to do it well and have some skills , and that's why you know it's something that everybody needs to aspire to and take that nervous step through the door and make it happen .

So I wish you the best for the year , whatever you decide to do this year , with speeches or contests , or Sergeant at Arms , whatever it happens to be , and I can't wait to see what magic you weave into your coming speeches .