Hello, what's up, and welcome back to another episode of the Straight Shooter Recruiter podcast. I'm your host, Emily Durham aka Emily the Recruiter on all social media latforms, and one thing about me. My goal is to help you thrive in your nine to five and beyond. Today is no exception. I'm ready to talk about your boss and why you think your boss hates you? Is it your fault? Is it your boss's fault? Let's unpack.
I do want to let you know if you have additional questions or you're like Emily, I wake up in cold sweats every night because I hate my job, I hate my boyfriend, I hate this, I hate that. How do I fix my life? I actually I do have a solution for this. I do have a link in the description of every single podcast episode where you can send in your questions. So send those bad boys in. They
do get answered on the show. Plus, I also if I get a lot of questions about the same thing, I will literally do a dedicated episode on it, which is why this episode is happening. Because I had so many questions, actually not even questions, more just stories from people sharing how much their boss is straight up ruining their lives, and I want to unpack.
I want to talk about when it's a them issue, when it's a bit like an US issue, and how do we find a happy medium so that we can stay in the job maybe that we love with the boss that we hate. So that's kind of our goal today. As always, make sure you are leaving a rating and a review for the show, share that you are listening on social media. It means the freaking world to me when I see you enjoying the show, when I see it leveling up your life,
it brings me so much joy. So please, please, please make sure you do that, and let's get into the episode. In my mind, there are two cases here. You've got case number one, where you are the problem, and case number two, or your boss is the problem. To be honest with you, most times it is the boss's issue. Like, let's keep it real, So let's start there, because I feel
like that is a little bit less aggressive. There are a lot of ways that bosses or our managers can show us that they are insecure, and whether you realize it or not, if your boss mistreats you or tries to make you look stupid or goes out of their way to bring you down. It is typically because they are intimidated by you. I know you might not agree with that, but a person who is confident, a person who is a good manager, they're mature enough to understand that when you shine, you actually
make them look good. So why wouldn't they want that. A good manager looks at a strong employee and says, thank god, I hire them. They're great. Work makes me look even better as a manager and makes me shine. But people who are insecure, those wires are crossed in their brains and they actually see you as competition. In fact, they're probably scared you outperform them or that you're more intelligent than them, and that's informing some of
the ways that they do this. Another reason your boss might be crazy banana pants is that they are a control freak. They might be someone who only trusts you to do work the way they see it done. This is the person who micromanages you, and that's because they have trust issues and they don't have the capacity to trust that you are going to do the work how they want it to be done, even if you have a track record of success. And then there's also the kind of boss, which is my personal hell.
Who is stuck in high school? This is somebody who just stopped mentally maturing at a certain point. You know, their brain just said, hold up, why don't I stay sixteen? And then they stay there till they are, you know, much older than that. And those are people who get involved with gossip. Those are people who are petty. Those are the
people who make like bitchy side comments to you. You know exactly what I'm talking about, you know, instead of saying, oh, hey, can you send this email, they're like, you haven't sent that email yet? Interesting? No, no, no, I'll just remember that for the future. Like, I don't know what they get out of that. But there
are people who thrive off of the petty drama. And again, so much of that comes from insecurity, because if you are confident in yourself, there's no need for you to act out in this way like that is not something that is ever seen as necessary. So if you are wondering is my boss the problem, here's kind of a check that you can think of. Number One, are you showing up at your job well? Like, are you doing your job well? Are you kind? Are you understanding? Are you
generally pleasant. If the answer is yes, and you know you actively do your best, you're not cocky, you're not arrogrant, and you're good at your job, it is probably not you, my friend. If you feel like your boss is nitpicking, it's probably because they're nitpicking. If you think they're making bitchy side comments to you, it's probably because they are. Don't gaslight yourself out of having those very valid feelings. But the first thing you
got to do check in with yourself. You know, am I underperforming? And it's okay if we are. I've been in jobs where I have not been performing, or we go through waves where we're not feeling like we're our best selves. It's human that's human nature, So take a look at that. The next thing you need to do is look at the relationship your boss has with other employees. Is it similar or are they drastically worse or better
with different types of people. Sometimes they're really kind to the people who don't perform well at all because they are not competition. Sometimes they favor people who to the same school as them, or they favor people who are conventionally attractive, or who have glasses, or who do this or who do that.
Take a real inventory of how your boss navigates relationships beyond the scope of yours, and that will give you a lot of insight on if this is a consistent thing and if they are normal and well adjusted with everyone except for you.
Go back to point one, like, look inward as if there's opportunities for us to grow and for us to improve as part of this, And if your boss is one of those people that is falling into these categories, but you suspect it's because it's them and not because of you, the best thing you can do is have a sit down conversation. And it's not intended to be confrontational. I just want you to sit down and say, Hey,
I'm really enjoying learning on this team. My goal is to grow at this company, and I just want to make sure that we're fostering the relationship that helps us both get there. So I just want to sit down to see if you have any feedback on how I can better improve the work I do as well as the relationships that I build. Do you see how that is so vague that it's kind of evil genius because it gives your manager the opportunity to provide feedback if there is any, and if they don't provide it,
it's just validation they're a shitty manager. And if they're a shitty manager, you cannot change them. Do not make that your problem. Do not make that your task. If they are a shitty manager and you have gone through this conversation in good faith, you have two options. You suck it up and you accept this as my life, you leave, and both are totally fine. Now what if you've done some reflecting and you're like, Emily, I'm the problem. It's me. Insert that really really overplayed Taylor Swift
song. I mean, it's a good song, but it's just that audio is all over TikTok. If you realize that, Okay, maybe it's me, or maybe it is just me. My boss has a bad relationship with These are the things that I have seen in my career that sometimes can enable a not so great relationship. And I'm not going to tell you these things because you are bad or because you are wrong or any of that. I'm telling you that because we all have areas to grow on and sometimes it just
takes different perspectives for us to be open to that. One of the things I have consistently seen from a growth perspective, that can hold people back is accountability. When you deflect taking ownership, when you make mistakes or when you drop the ball. That's where really big relationship riffs come in. Like, that's where the yucky stuff starts to happen. So if you are not great at owning up to when you make mistakes or owning up to having questions,
that might be something that's causing a divide. The other thing is do you share wins? Like are you the kind of person when something great happens on the team? Are you just celebrating yourself or are you celebrating all of the people around you? Because in a lot of ways, we teach people how to treat us, so when we bring other people up along with us, it encourages them to do the same right back. So those are a couple of things I would think of. The other thing is kind of obvious,
but like, are you an office gossip? Are you someone who takes one thing says it to another person makes it a whole big deal. We really need to look at ourselves and how we conduct ourselves to make sure we're creating the space that we want. And I'm sharing this not because I'm perfect. I'm never coming from a place of I am perfect. Although I do work in this space, it doesn't mean that I'm not still actively learning like that.
This is all coming from a place of learning of what I've seen, but also things I've had to work on, like particularly the taking accountability. Sometimes it's really hard to admit when like I just made a mistake, I did the wrong thing, or I updated the sheet wrong. It's okay to own those things, and I actually think it's going to get you further ahead the second you own them. Do you notice that there's something in your space or in your wheelhouse that you can change? Just change a babe. It's
fine. Make a little list of the things you want to improve, double down on those things. There is literally nothing wrong with you doing that. You might hear binky like jingling in the background. He just got a haircut and I kept his collar on for it, and you can hear it like dingling. So sorry, but I'm not that sorry because he's so stinking cute. I'll post a photo of his new due on my Instagram if you're curious, because he looks for con adorable. But here's what I will say,
work is stressful. Work is always going to be stressful, right, like hello, preaching to the choir here, you guys know this, I know this. It's not supposed to be debilitating. Like it is not supposed to give you anxiety that starts in your stomach and lands in your feet and makes you feel like you can't leave bed. It's not supposed to make you sick. It's not supposed to make you miserable. It is not normal to feel
that. So if that is the level of stress your boss or your career is giving you, it's okay to take pause and figure out if this is really what you want for your next step. It's okay for that to change a few times over as well. So you need to just give yourself a little bit of grace because yeah, it might be a bad boss today, But is the boss bad or do you hate the industry? Or maybe you're not showing up how you want? Is that because you're not good or is
it because you're not in a good environment for you? And usually it's the latter. So these are just things I want you to think about. This was a short and sweet one. I've been talking a bit longer in some of my most recent episodes, which based on like the data, y'all are eating that up? You love a longer episode, which, to be honest, I do too. Like when I listen to podcasts, I like to listen to them like when I'm cleaning up or when I'm on a walk.
So my ideal is like a twenty to thirty minute podcast because then I can listen to a couple I feel like the hour long episodes I can last. You know, it's just a little bit too bold, but it depends if there's multiple people on the show. Yes, but imagine listening to me talk for an hour straight. I mean, actually, you know what, I can't imagine it. I could do it, but I just it would not
bring me joy. But anyways, don't forget. If you do have questions or topics you want covered, just hit me up in the link in the description. It's always there and friendly reminder if you want additional content for me. I also exist at a weird way to say things. Obviously, I exist. I also post on Instagram, on TikTok, and on YouTube really really regularly, so make sure you check that out. Thank you for being here. I love you. I appreciate you. And I will talk to you next Sunday,