Hey, what's up? And welcome back to another episode of the Straight Shooter Recruiter Podcast. I'm your host, Emily Durham aka Emily the Recruiter, and if it's your first time listening, my goal is to help you thrive in your nine to five and beyond. And how do I do that? Well, Baby, I've worked in talent acquisition for over seven years. I'm a writer for Canadian Business. I've been featured in Forbes, BBC, The Globe and Mail Like careers is what I do and today I actually got a request.
This is a requested episode and it's all about how do I take someone from a connection to a referral? How do I get you to work for me? Well, I'm not even working at that company. And that's what we're going to talk about today is how to use and leverage your pre existing or new relationships to help you get the gig. So if that sounds like your jam, make sure you leave a rating and a review for the show. And if you're listening, I want to see a baby, I want
to see you ten me or the podcast accounts. All of that is in the description because it genuinely brings me joy. So let's get into it. Also, fair warning, you might hear Binky pity pattering around the apartment because I let him out of his playpen. If you guys follow me on install, you know, he actually had a pretty major knee surgery a couple of weeks ago, so he's now able to roam around the apartment supervised for a little bit. So he's just he's doing that and he's loving life. So
if you hear pitter patters, I'm not even sorry. It just means my special boy is doing well. Okay. So the real secret, God, I love that I always end up tangenting about Binkie. It's always Binkie's fault. But that's okay. He's so cute it doesn't even matter anyways. The real best way to think about how to have a pipeline from connection to referral is all about relationships. The worst thing that you can do is reach out to somebody you don't know and a request for them to refer you to a
position. Now, we all know that almost eighty percent of positions are actually filled via referral, and the reason for that is Number one, people feel more comfortable interviewing someone that's been vetted someone who has already said they're a good person or they're good at their job. The second thing is that you know why referrals are so beneficial is it really helps your resume stand out because the recruiter probably gets a direct message about you as a candidate and they have no
choice but to review your resume like they're being held accountable. And the other thing is sometimes jobs aren't even posted before they're filled because they already have somebody in mind. So there's no question that referrals are important, and the best way to get a referral is by building genuine relationships. I do have a
caveat to this. I've talked about this before on basically every platform. But if you're in a pinch and you see a job that you love and you're like, I need to get a referral, like I need to be referred I need this position, and you don't have time to maybe network with people, go on a website like Fishbowl or like glass Door, actually more so Fishbowl really, but people are willing to refer you for jobs even if they don't know you because they get paid a referral bonus. I personally think it's
risky because they're putting their brand on the line for you. But hey, Adola is a dual. That's a great way to do it. But if you want to do it the more long term, sustainable way, and honestly the way that's going to reap the most benefit, it's all about building relationships. So at this point, I'm assuming you already have a connection in mind working at a certain company, and obviously that's a company you want to work at. But if you don't have somebody in mind, I actually have a
full episode dedicated to how to identify and connect with mentors. That's probably a really good place to start because I walk you through literally how to reach out to people on the internet that you don't know and how to start building a relationship. So I would go check that one out. I'll link it in the description as well. But essentially, at this stage, you have someone in mind and you're like, Okay, I want to work where you work. How are you going to help me do that? The first thing you
need to do is build a real relationship with this person. So the best way I personally do this, or like the easiest way is start off with a simple message on LinkedIn perhaps it's with an article or something relevant to their industry that you think is interesting. That's the one I typically do. So if I'm reaching out to someone in recruiting, I'll send an article about how AI is changing the future of recruiting and I was like, hey, hope
you're doing well. I saw this article and knew it'd be something you'd be interested in, so I thought i'd send it over let me know if you're ever up for reconnecting over a coffee or a quick phone call. Nine times out of ten they're going to respond and say yes, especially if you're taking the time to personalize the message and add value so they're not under the impression you're asking for anything. They're under the impression you're building a relationship. And
that's the secret. The secret to having someone refer you is to build a real relationship and not just ask for things. Imagine you met someone and you were like, can you do this for me? Can you fill up my water bottle? Can you rub my feet? Can you go walk my dog? That is not a relationship. That is you getting bossed around like that is not the vibe, and you need to adopt that mindset when you're asking for referrals as well. So really invest in the relationship in a way that
feels authentic to you. If you have time, I think the best way to budget this is by doing one call a month. So at the end of every month, you connect with this person and you use it as time to discuss what they've been doing at work. Maybe you use this time to learn a little bit more about them and you can actually ask questions that's going
to help you grow in your career. So maybe you're meeting with someone in marketing and you ask them, how are you like implementing different processes right now versus two years ago, now that the pandemic is cooling down, Like, ask questions that are going to benefit and aid in your development. But it also gives them an opportunity to share their insight and build a relationship. And
studies show us that people love talking about themselves. So if you're asking specific and targeted questions to this person about their career, like, that's a big win. After you do that a couple of times, maybe one or two times, what I want you to do is reach out via email and say, Hey, it was amazing chatting with you. I just wanted to reach out because I noticed this job posting at your company, and if you'd be comfortable, i'd love to connect with the manager for this role. Notice how
you are not explicitly asking for a referral. Whoop, did you just hear foreign ask texting me in the background? Pypern. That's too funny, but Barb, that's on silent now, Sorry about that, but that's fine. That's our vibe. It's like two friends hanging out, but you're not asking them for a referral, because even if you have a relationship with them, sometimes they'll take it as oh, so you only were speaking to me to get a referral, which is true. But we're all playing psychological game here
right. I'm not trying to make you a sneaky little person, but I am helping you play the game, and sometimes you need to play the game to get ahead. Like it is what it is, so I would highly recommend framing it and positioning it that way, and don't just put all your eggs in one basket. I would really recommend that you are connecting with multiple people and doing this thing over and over again until you get a referral that
is actually going to help you out. So this episode topic I told you actually came through request, but I did not want to neglect the questions that you guys send in and friendly reminder, if you have questions you want me to answer, I answer them every week in the podcast, unless, for whatever reason, it's a really long episode, then I will kind of bake it into the episode itself. But the link for that is in the description,
so make sure you are checking out. I actually got a question from someone that I think is really really good, and I actually don't know if it's something I've talked about, but this person was asking how do I deal with the emotional aspect of job hunting and the disappointment when I'm rejected. I
have been going through it, my friend. First of all, I know exactly how you're feeling, like I was in the exact same position when I was first applying for jobs after I graduated, and then the worst of it, honestly was in between leaving them when I was at the bank and then trying to transition into tech because I literally scented my application everywhere I applied, everywhere I was networking, and I kept being told no, no, no,
and it was really eating at my confidence, because you also have to remember, as a recruiter, there's nothing more humbling than failing an interview, Like can you imagine I give interview advice and then I did not pass the interview, and I was really letting it define my worth and I was like, what skills am I missing? Like it was just a whole thing all
to say, I totally hear where you are coming from. Job hunting is emotional the same way that dating is emotional, because you are vulnerable, you are asking for something you want and ultimately you might get rejected, and those
are things that are really difficult to deal with. The first thing you have to remember is data, and data is what helped me get through the mental pain of job hunting, and it's that statistically, it takes at least six months to find a new job, and that was a statistic before the pandemic. I'd imagine that stat has gone up since then. So if it feels like it's taking a long time, it's because it is, and it's because that's just how long it takes. It doesn't mean that something is wrong with
you. The other thing you need to remember is that the job market right now is probably one of the worst I've seen in at least five or six years. It's a really, really ugly job market and that is entirely out of your control. And speaking of control, it's really easy for us to think that we didn't get the job because of us. And sometimes that's true. Sometimes we don't answer the question well, sometimes we're just not qualified, and a lot of times, I would argue even more times, it has
nothing to do with us. It is a referral that's moving into the position. Like we talked about before, it is an internal promotion. Actually, maybe the job got canceled because of this crappy economy. There are so many things that are out of our control, and maybe it's delusional to think that
it's never our fault. But here's what I will say. If you are practicing your interview skills, if you record yourself answering interview questions, if you're you know, following all of the other tips and tricks that I provide on my podcast. And I'm not even saying that as like a shameless plug. I'm saying that is like legitimately their good interview tips. If you're doing all of those things and you're doing your best and you're learning after every single interview.
You need to let go. Like I had to do this too. You have to let go, and you have to stop blaming yourself. And the best way to emotionally deal with this rejection is understanding they're not rejecting you as a person. It doesn't mean that you weren't the best person for the job. It means there were probably other factors. It could be someone who has years of experience in the same title or in the same company. You can't compete sometimes and that's okay, and we need to invest in ourselves,
but also know when to detach. It's the same as dating. Like if you go on a date and someone says, oh, I'm not interested in you, Yeah, it sucks. But at the same time, why do we want someone who doesn't want us? And that kind of mindset is how I personally kind of crawled out of a dark, scary dungeon when I was job hunting. This is another one where I'm like, have I answered this before? But it's another great question. It's how do you go about staying
fit and healthy, especially when you work a lot of hours. I'm not perfect at this. I'm going to be so honest with you, I think
in life there are always going to be conflicting priorities. Probably three years ago, I was in the gym five to seven days a week, Like I would say on average, I was probably six days a week, and I was super committed to eating really clean, doing all of these things, and of course was still working a lot, because as you know, I still have my full time recruiting job as well as my social platforms, which, to be honest, if you calculate the hours, I work at least thirty
five hours a week on the social media stuff because I also have clients, like it's a whole thing. But I was working a lot and still managing my health. But what I realized was that by focusing so much on my physical health, I was actually neglecting a lot of other things that impacted my mental health. I totally dropped every hobby, Like every hobby I had was out the window because it was either the gym or working, and that was it. Like suddenly I was no longer interested in hiking, I was no
longer interested in baking with my mom. Like I was just NonStop work mode. There was no play, and I felt really down about that and I kind of had to redefine what health and wellness means for me today and at twenty seven, health and wellness for me is, yes, working, it's going to the gym, it's you know, going on walks, being outside. But it's also investing in my family, and it's investing in my friends, and it's making time for dating. It's making time to be open and
like learn and grow as a person. So I say that to tell you it's okay if you're not in the gym seven days a week. I'm not in the gym seven days a week anymore. I'm probably four to five days. And I feel really good about that. Has my body changed? Yeah? Am I okay with that most days? Because I think the quality of my life has significantly improved the second I decided that balance sometimes has to look different. The tips that have helped me stay on track and continue to prioritize
my movement and prioritize help is scheduling. So I have consistent days where I do work out. For example, Sundays I do not exercise, but Mondays I absolutely exercise, And it doesn't matter how long the work day is, I get to the gym because I schedule it in, so I will usually work out. It kind of depends. Right now, I'm supporting a couple of countries outside of Canada, so my working hours are a little weird, like I'm starting really early and then like kind of have to work late.
It's very strange. But on a normal day where I'm working a standard nine to five, I'm the best at the gym at like eleven, So I book a one hour meeting with myself and I go to the gym from eleven to twelve. And that's what I do with my lunch hour. And on days that's not a possibility, I wake up earlier or I go to the gym after work. So just schedule it in so that it is part of your routine, so that it's a non negotiable. But also be gentle with
yourself. And for me, one of the best things I did was on days where I'm like, oh my god, I don't have the energy to go to the gym, I let myself either stay home and rest, or I go on a walk, like just move your body. Sometimes I have a dance party. Exercise isn't supposed to be punishment. It's supposed to be rewarding. It's supposed to make you feel mentally clear. It's supposed to give
you motivation and energy and peace like within ourselves. So the second it feels like it's work, it's okay to find something else that feels a little bit better. Oh. I didn't even tell you this, but by the time you're listening to this episode, I think I'm going to be in London, like the UK. What day is this going live? Yeah, you know what, I might be in London. I might not. It's either this Sunday or the next Sunday, so we'll see. But either way, Chip
Chip Cherry are. If y'all have any recommendations of things I should do while I'm in the UK, please let me know. I'm going for work. Actually I'm speaking at a conference, which I am super excited about. If there's one thing I love, it's public speaking. It is my favorite thing to do. It's I just love it. I love engaging with an audience. I love telling a story. I love building those relationships. To me,
it is just like I'm the happiest when I'm on stage. I absolutely love it and it makes me think back to when I was studying theater in University. Yeah, if y'all know the story, you know, I only was in that program for two weeks, not even. But it really it reminds me that all of the little hobbies that I thought were silly and that weren't going to get me anywhere actually have fueled the work I do today. So I don't know, just a little aside, but definitely let me know
because I'm super excited. I hope that you enjoyed this episode, and don't forget submit your questions. I am always going to answer them. Check me out on my other socials if you haven't already, and I would really appreciate if you've shared the show. We are not gate keeping knowledge here, so share it, share it, share it. I so appreciate you, and I will talk to you next Sunday.