Hey, what's up? And welcome back to another episode of the Straight Shooter Recruiter Podcast. It is your host, your girl, your bestie, Emily Durham aka Emily the Recruiter on social media, and this is the only show designed to help you thrive in your nine to five and beyond. You might be wondering, Emily, baby, what makes you qualified to do this? Will? Let me tell you. I've been a recruiter for over seven years, which is absolutely bananas. I feel like I just started yesterday. But
I'm also a writer at Canadian Business. I've been featured in Forbes, BBC. We've got a community of just under Emilion across all of my social platforms, so it's kind of a big deal. I know what I'm talking about, and my passion is helping you unlock the next level of your life. And today's episode, Babe, I'm awfully passionate about. You want to know why. It's because it's a whole laundry list of things I wish somebody would
have told me earlier in my life. And a lot of these things pertained to career, but a lot of them can also be applied basically in every other facet of your life. So if you are younger than me, even if you are older than me and there is still some learning, some growing to do, this is probably an episode you want to make a coffee for, perhaps some margharita. I'm not here to judge you. I don't care
what time of date is, Bettie. You just need to sit down and listen, because this is some shit that is straight up going to change your life. So don't forget to leave a rating, don't forget to subscribe to the show. Let's get into it. And if you're looking at my off the clock T shirt, if you're watching this in video format on YouTube and you're thinking to yourself, damn, that's a sick T shirt, yes it is. It's also a part of my merch line because I really wanted to
create merch that didn't feel like merch. It was just some like fun, cool stuff you could wear to the office after work with your friends, whatever you plan on doing. This is probably my favorite piece from the collection. I absolutely I'm obsessed with the black stitching. So anyways, if you're keen on shopping the merch, the link for that is in the description of both the pod and the YouTube video, and I had to mention it because this
is a one woman show. This episode is sponsored by me Babe, so support a small business. The first thing I need you to do is probably going to be the hardest. I need you to accept that you are probably not the smartest person in any given room that you walk into. In fact, I would argue, if you think you're the smartest person in the room, you're probably not the smartest person in the room, because there is always something to learn from someone around you. But that's actually not even why I'm
giving you this advice, because that's too corny. I think when we're younger, we're raised to be told that when you work hard and you're very intelligent, you are going to succeed in life. That it's always the smartest person who gets the job, it's the smartest person who becomes CEO. But it's actually not always the most intelligent person. It's often the most liked person. It's the most emotionally intelligent person, and in many ways, it's usually the
most privileged person who tends to excel. And there's so many other things that we could dive into because of that. But the second that you let go of the mindset that you need to be the smartest in order to be the most successful. Is when you will become the most successful. Once you release the need to be the most intelligent and frankly like the know it all of the group or the know it all of the room you're in, You're going
to focus your efforts and your energy on something else. So you cannot be the smartest, but be the most of something else. For me, personally, I always aim to be the most like, compassionate, the most outgoing. I always joke at work that I'm a personality higher, but I really mean that. I know I'm not the most intelligent person. In fact, I would argue, like academically, if you lined up my whole team and I, I am probably the least intelligent, like from a book smarts perspective,
one thousand percent. But one thing I know I excel at is making people feel included, and it's also elements of creativity and communication, like those are the things I do really well. But when I was younger, I was convinced that I had to be the smartest, so I was fixated on getting perfect grades and like I wanted an NBA. There was just so many things that I thought were important that ultimately weren't in the cards for me.
Like I was never going to be a one hundred percent GPA girly. That was never going to be me. And the second I let go of that, I started putting my energy into this stuff I was actually good at and that's what propelled my career. So give up on being the most academic or most intelligent person in the room and focus on what your actual skills are and invest in those, because those are the ones that are going to take your
career and your personal life and your relationships to the next level. Also on the whole, like smarts and intelligent thing, there is nothing that's going to hold you back more than having no ability to recognize when you're wrong. Obviously, Obviously, what do I say like that? I always every episode, every single episode, I release something where I say a word that doesn't exist. Obviously, who is that? Who is she? Anyways? Obviously being
able to admit when you are wrong is important at work. However, think of your personal life. I think back to my relationships when I was twenty one or twenty two, and the amount of times that the guys I would date at the time would say, hey, you're wrong, and I would be like, absolutely not, I'm never wrong. What are you talking about? It would turn into a big fight. It was something over absolutely nothing.
The ability to introspect and adit when you're wrong is important, and that's also a skill that is going to help you get interviews and help you get hired in the future. One of the number one things I hear when I'm interviewing candidates is that they bullshit their answers. Like I can tell when you're making something up. It's literally my job. I would much rather you say,
you know what. I don't know the answer to that, but here's how I'm going to get it. And the second you allow yourself to do that, people see you as more honest, they see you as having higher integrity. It makes them more likely to enjoy working with you, and therefore more likely to get you ahead. I don't care if that sounds manipulative. It's a game. Capitalism is a game, and I just want you to
win. If I could go back in time and have somebody sit down with my nineteen year old self and tell her that if that person is not making me grow, they're actually holding me back in my life, I'm convinced I would be like a CEO a president. I think I would be on to some big and potentially even better things. And I didn't realize how detrimental it can be to keep people in your life just for the sake of convenience.
Just because that person has been your friend for fifteen years does mean they should have been. If you are walking away from a certain hangout or from a certain relationship and you're constantly feeling like you have to shrink yourself, or like you have to dull your light, or like you really have to work, do you know what I'm saying? Like you know that feeling when you show up to hang out with a friend and you have to proactively think of topics
of conversation. You need to almost like lower yourself to get on their level. And I don't mean that in a condescending way, but you almost need to hide your accomplishments or the things that are important to you in order to make them comfortable. I'm here to let you know that that's not normal, and just because that has been the norm doesn't mean that it should be. And I know, at least for me, it felt like you know,
there's no harm in keeping that friendship or that relationship. And sometimes that's true. But I'm a big believer in if you have seven days in a week, five days of those are working. Let's pretend you go to the gym, you go home, you're not doing anything. So you have two three days a week. You're going to give one of those days, let's say your Sunday to this group of friends. That isn't making you feel smarter, it isn't making you feel more confident, it's not making you feel great about
yourself, you're not feeling challenged. That's a big chunk of your free time that you're donating to a group of people or to a thing that isn't making you a better person. And once you eliminate that, it literally forces you to put yourself in new positions. Because I kind of straight up grew apart from a group of friends several years ago, and at first I was kind of thinking I was an idiot for letting that friendship go, because I was like, oh my god, who am I going to hang out with?
But that actually forced me to put myself out there. More like that forced me to go to different events, to go meet different people, to ask someone to go out for a drink with me after work, and it helped me curate a group of friends that are aligned to my life and my goals. But if the people in your life aren't able to say yes, you are amazing and rally behind you, or alternatively tell you, hey, I know you thought you did something there. I think you need to reevaluate.
I think you need to grow from this. Those aren't real friends and they are holding you back, and you are supposed to walk away from all of your friendships feeling excited. The same goes for work, the same goes for relationships. The second you stop growing is the second you need to start going. I should put that shit on a T shirt. I wish so badly I had the ability to detach from the outcome. I don't know why. I just tormented myself by being so obsessed with the outcomes of the things that
I did. If I went to the gym, it was so I would leave being like twenty two pounds soaking wet with the fat ass. If I went on a date, it's because that man had to be my husband. If I applied to that job, it's because I had to get it. I put so much pressure on the outcome of the things that I did that I didn't even give myself a chance to learn from the experience. I don't even think that sounds corny. I know you might be thinking that's corny.
But if you go into every single work experience saying, Okay, I need to execute this perfectly and I need to get promoted, chances are you're putting too much pressure on yourself and it's going to impact your performance. You're not going to get the outcome that you want, and you're so focused on the end goal you're not even learning in the journey. This like especially brain true for me early in my career because I was so obsessed with getting promoted,
like it was a disease. I would wake up promotion, promotion, promotion. It's great to be proactive, it's great to know what you want, but I kind of stopped living in the moment, and that really actually held me back in a lot of ways because I didn't take on opportunities to learn on the spot. But even dating wise, oh my god, Like especially dating wise, I used to go on dates and I would categorize men in my head, like I'd go on a date and if that guy wasn't my
husband out gone? I don't want to see him, I don't want to talk to him. What if that person could have been a great friend. What if that could have been a potential like networking, business connection. What if that person I don't know ended up being my neighbor one day. I
just think it's so limiting to walk into things with expectations. It doesn't mean that we shouldn't work hard, because obviously that's super important, but you need to give yourself permission to just do the thing without the obsession about the outcome of the thing. Hi, bestie, I'm going to need you to let go of how you look, because I know how you look when you're twenty one matters a lot. It determines what person wants to ask you on a
date. It determines what club is going to let you in. It determines whether or not you feel like an Instagram battie. Let me teach you something. Your looks are going to fade, babe. And I know you know that conceptually, but your looks will fade. You will no longer be twenty one, You will no longer have the metabolism you have. You will no longer have the energy you have in forty years, in fifty years, whatever it is. If your looks and your appearance are the most interesting thing about
you right now, make yourself more interesting. Go find a hobby that makes you feel good about who you are. I would actually take this a step further and invest in your confidence coming from within. Like if you close your eyes and could never see yourself again, or never had a concept of what you looked like to other people or through the eyes of other people, would you still be confident? Like? Are you confident because you see yourself as
conventionally attractive? Or are you confident because you love the person you are? Who you are, how you make other people feel your academics Like, there's so many things I would rather you invest in that aren't your looks, Because in thirty years, if your looks were the most interesting thing about you when you were nineteen, you are in for a very uneventful life. Was that harsh? I don't know if I care, because I love you. Tough
love sometimes needs to happen. Okay, that's just that's what it is. Oh. I was just reading my notes of what this last one is, and I'm so passionate about this last one because I really think this is this is the point that changed my life. And if you're listening to the show, and maybe you don't follow me on other social media. When I first started this podcast three years ago, it was completely unintentional for it to grow.
It was just not a part of my plan. I created the podcast because I was having students fail interviews, and I started recording interview tips. And I know, obviously the show has evolved quite a bit. That's the beauty of it and that's what I love about this show. But I would send the podcast to students in advance of interviews, and within a month it was the number one trending careers podcast in North America. And that's the moment
I realized, dam should I start posting on Instagram, on TikTok? Like should I start doing YouTube? All of these things? And that really changed my life and changed my career. It's like it changed everything for me. But the reason I think that started to happen is I started envisioning who my ideal self was. This is going to sound a little hippie dippy, a
little like MANIFESTI I don't care, just like stick with me. I want you to take out a piece of paper, your iPad, I don't know, whatever you like, to write down on and make a list with very specific details of how your ideal self shows up on a given day, on a Tuesday, on a Wednesday, I don't care what it is. And I remember when I first started the podcast, I was asking myself, like what do I want to get out of this, Like what is my end goal here? Because I was in such a state of flux, like I
was just overwhelmed. I didn't know if I should invest in a show. I just I didn't have a concept of where this was going, if anywhere at all. So I tried to write down what does Emily's dream life look like? And I realized my dream life is where I'm self employed. I would love to be making content. I would love to be helping people. I'd love to show up every day like enthusiastic and empathetic and learning and all of these things. And I made a list of how I would behave what
does my ideal version of myself show up as? And then I made a list of the tangible things I bet that girl does, like if I met future state Emily, Yeah, you better believe that girl's hit in the gym four or five days a week at a minimum. Yeah, that girl's probably got like a cute dog, a cute little apartment. You know, she probably is super nice and checks in on her friends. She's probably making dinner plans with her parents every couple of weekends. I made a list as granular
as that, and then I just started doing them. Like in my head, I realized, Okay, if my ideal self creates content, she's probably posting every day. Like she's probably waking up kind of in a state of delusion believing that she is an influencer. Like I thought I was a creator before I even had ten thousand followers. I woke up and was like, no, I decide I have influence. And then suddenly things started coming.
And I don't think it's because of manifestation. I mean, maybe it is, if you're a manifestation expert hit me off, like, let me know, But I genuinely believe it's because I created a to do list of the things that I know my future self or my ideal version of me would be doing, and then I just started showing up as that person. And if you're in school and you're like Oh my god, I'm stuck. I don't know what I want to do. Ask yourself, what would the ideal me
do? Well, they're probably making their notes, they're studying, they're doing this, they're doing that. If you want your dream life, you honestly need to come to terms with the fact that you need to create your dream self. You're not just going to show up one day as that individual. Like It takes work, it takes dedication. People don't just wake up into the lives that they desire. They create them. And the best way to do that is to take an inventory if how your ideal self shows up and
behaves, and bake that into who you are as a person. That's what I want you to do. Damn, I feel like I just dropped a lot of truth bombs. I'm going to need to hear if you agree or disagree with any of these. But as you know, it is time for Questions of the week. If you want your question answered, I always have a Google form linked in the description of my videos and the podcast episode where you can send it in. We have so many questions, like we've been
getting hundreds and hundreds and hundreds. Please keep them coming because the show's not going anywhere, babe, so I'm going to be answering all of these. I've got a couple that I'm really excited about, so let's dive in. Dear Emily, I've been a stay at home parent for eighteen years. There is a huge gap on my resume. I am university educated and graduated in nineteen ninety four. My friends suggested that I omit the years on my resume
to avoid agism. Is this correct? Do you have any advice for mothers returning to work after raising their families. Thank you, first of all, thank you for writing in. I love getting your questions and congratulations because having a family to raise is no joke. That is a full time job. So I hope no one in your life is discounting that amazing experience you have.
It sounds like you have an awesome support system. And thank you for what you have done and what you do because being a mama is no joke. But I'm excited for you thinking about getting back into the workforce after your eighteen year I don't even want to call a gap because working at home is work. I wish it was paid labor, but it is most certainly labor. But anyways, let's tackle your resume question. Should you omit the years?
My personal preference is no, do not omit the years. The reason for that is if you are going to work at a company that is comfortable discriminating based on your age or based on your experience, not only is that agist, but it's sexist. I don't want you to work there, like I don't want you to work at a company like that. Here's some advice though, on how you can break back in the first thing you need to do is understand what might have changed, Like eighteen years, even five years
can be a lot, especially in the age of technology. It's time for you to think about what industry you want to break back into, and you need to get read about. You know, what are some of the skills that might be a gap. You know, do you need to beef up on. I don't know a new technology that's launched or a new tool, So take the time to invest in the skills to make sure you're showing up ready. Great place to do this that's free if you have a library card
is Linda dot com. I'm not sponsored or don't work with them in any way, but that's basically LinkedIn's learning platform. So I would highly recommend closing the gap with free learning resources you do not need to pay, and then just put all of those courses on your resume to indicate that you have beefed
up those skills. One of the other things I highly recommend, in addition to my classic pieces of advice, which is networking and getting referrals, and I have lots of content on that if you're interested, is actually find companies
that have returned to work programs. So a lot of large, especially tech and finance companies, have programs in place both within the finance like, the marketing like, lots of different functions within the company that are returned to work programs that actually target mothers returning from maternity leave or from extended leaves to raise a family or take care of parents. So take a look at some of those companies in your area that have these programs because they are literally designed to
do this, and more and more companies are really encouraging that. So I hope that helps. Dear Emily. I've got a great relationship with my manager, but I get nervous about being in meetings with her. I wonder why that happens. I'm good at my job, but I just get a little uneasy and I'm unable to present my ideas freely. Any advice. First of all, you are not alone. You can have the best relationship with your manager, and that shit is still terrifying. Like they're still your boss.
They still control whether or not you have a job, They control your income. Even if they are nice and cool and chill, it's overwhelming, like it just is. And I have been there too, especially early in my career. One of the things that helped me, which you're going to hate this advice, is practice. Like it just takes practice. You need to go into every meeting and make the decision to present one of your ideas or
ask a question every single time so you desensitize yourself to it. Because after a while, once you realize nothing bad is going to happen, everything is going to be okay, that you're a great communicator, everything is fine, the anxiety is slowly going to start diminish to diminish rather, One of the other things I would highly recommend that you do is before every single meeting, remind yourself of these two things. Number one, when you look good,
your manager looks good. The last thing your manager wants is for you to fail because it makes them look bad. So and I'm not saying that to be scary. I'm saying that because your manager wants to see you succeed. So go into it with the mindset of they're there to support me, they see the best in me, they hired me because they think I'm fantastic, and let that kind of pour some confidence back into you as well. The other thing I want you to do is remind yourself literally everyone feels this way.
Ultimately, what you're experiencing is imposter syndrome, which is unbelievably common. It is essentially that yucky feeling that is constantly telling us we are not good enough, we are not smart enough, we are not able to do certain things. There's a lot of different resources that I've actually written about. I'll put some links in the description to help out, and I've got some podcast
episodes on this. But find a mentor. Find a mentor who's not at your company so that you can practice bouncing your ideas off of that individual, build your confidence. And the more you do that, the easier it's going to get. I promise there's nothing I love like answering your questions and trying to make your life just a little bit less painful than mine was, especially when I was like twenty one or twenty two or twenty three. How last
week was even a little bit of a challenge. So anything I can do to make things a little bit more fun on your side, that's what I love to hear. And if you enjoyed this show, please make sure you are engaging with the show, whether it's on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, wherever you are listening. It means so much to me. I freaking love this show, Like y'all have no idea how much I love this show.
So I really really hope that you enjoyed it. If there are topics things you want me to cover, please feel free to pop that into the Google form because I'm always up for it. A friendly reminder. The little cheemer yep, it's for sale. And the mugs. Oh actually used my other mug this morning, so you can't see it, but I have a mug that says Emily the recruiter says I deserve a raise. It kills me. I think it's so funny, But anyways, that's neither here nor there.
Thank you so much for hanging out with me. I hope you enjoyed this episode and as always, i'll see you next Sunday.