Not me going to record this episode and then fully forgetting I was recording and getting distracted and watching TikTok's It's fine. Hi, how are you Welcome back to the Straight Shooter Recruiter Podcast. I am your host and producer because this shit is a one woman show, Emily Durham. If it's your first time listening to the podcast, thank you so much for checking it out. And if you're a returning listener, baby, I love you, I really really
do. This is a show that is entirely dedicated to helping you thrive in your nine to five and beyond. So everything from your confidence, how you feel about yourself to the practical career tips you need to ultimately make the money live the life you want to live. Like that is everything we do here. Why am I qualified to talk to you about that? Well, I've been a recruiter for over seven years. I'm a careers writer with Canadian Business.
I've been featured in Forbes, BBC, The Whole Shebang. This is what I do. And today, in addition to me literally getting stuck in a TikTok wormhole, like as I always do, answer some of your questions and if you don't know you can always submit your questions directly in the link in the description of every episode, and I have gotten to a fair bit
of them, but we have there's literally hundreds. Like I could make a podcast every day for the next three thousand years and we would still have questions, but make sure that you are submitting those. And then I want to talk about a skill that I have talked about a little bit before. But I just left an interview. I'm not even kidding, like I'm recording this
midday on a workday. I just left an interview and the candidate was so good, so good, and the team and I like, after the interview we got together, we were talking about why this candidate was such an exceptional fit and it all boiled down to this one skill, and this one skill had nothing to do with the actual candidates resume. So I want to talk to you about that one skill as well. Don't forget to leave a rating and a review for the show, and if you're listening, share it on
your socials. It helps me grow, grow, grow, And I appreciate you so much whether you listen, whether you share it or not, I'm just I'm happy you're here. So let's get into it. Okay, let me tell you a little story about a candidate who really changed my perspective on what it means to be a strong candidate. And this person is getting the job because of this one skill, not because they have the most years of experience or because they have the best interview answers. It was this one attribute
that really made us say, Wow, this person is special. And it's the ability to figure shit out, like it's the figure shit out effect, and it is so underrated. And I even look back at my career and I realize how much this mindset is part of why I've been able to grow frankly as quickly as I have grown in my career. So I want to
just give you like the rundown. I think for most of us, especially when we're not very comfortable at a company or we're new in a space, it's really easy for us, to be honest, to not know how to solve certain problems. We don't know who to talk to, we don't know who to ask, and our default setting is often Okay, I'm going to ask my manager. And although that is a really good method, and your
manager is there to help you, at the end of the day. When your first line of defense to solving something is asking your manager, all your manager is going to think is, Wow, this person cannot figure shit out by themselves. And if you can flip your mindset to kind of being a
solution finder and a highlighter, it's like it's a different mindset. So the candidate that I interviewed highlighted this beautifully, and I am going to use them as an example, But essentially they were saying that their strongest character trait is they can be thrown into any situation or any problem, and the first thing they do is they exhaust all of their resources to try and find an answer by themselves. They'll ask colleagues, they'll go to Google, they will do
everything they can do in their power before going to their manager. If they're really stuck, then they go to their manager. Their manager helps. But they were sharing that their goal is to always come to their manager either with a solution to the problem or a like a half baked idea. Their goal is to go to their manager with something that is tangible that shows they get shit done by themselves, so then their manager can offer feedback or like little
tweaks. But they're not giding you to do things. And I think that's really the skill that sets apart. People who get promoted and who are hyper successful in their career are people who operate with extreme ownership. So in your career and even in your own life, like, I really want you to think about a project that you are running or a task that you are running. Are you executing or are you driving? Like are you getting a task and completing it well? Or are you looking at the end to end vision
for what you're working on. Are you going above and beyond to say, let me take on more, let me bite off a little bit more. And are you going to your manager and saying, here's something I proposed because I've identified a problem instead of the other way around and asking your manager to guide you through that. And it was actually something that came up because we had asked the candidate, what do you think is your best quality? And
they share this and I was like, what an amazing quality. And it was just a little reminder that, yes, being proactive and seeing things end to end is a part of it, but that ability to honestly have the confidence and the guts to say, in any situation, I figure shit out and then you go in, you figure shit out, you go to your manager, and you say, look what I've done. So I think having that sense of extreme ownership, like let this be a reminder that is wicked
important. Oh my god, my backhard's so bad. Sometimes I feel like I'm eighty and I'm twenty seven. Except you know what. Side note. I did have someone DM me yesterday and she's like, oh my god, you look old and tired. I was like, girl, what a crazy thing to say. What a crazy thing to say. First of all, I don't look gold. I have great skin, but that's just anyways. People are weird. Let's keep it going. It's time for Questions of the week. It's only two o'clock. I need a cocktail. I need a
clocktail really bad. Okay, let's get you. Let's get you answered. Okay, let's get to the first question. Dear Emily, I wanted to share a concern I've been facing in my professional environment. As someone who strives for excellence, I've encountered challenges within the current dynamics of my workplace. In various instances, I've taken on additional responsibilities and sec conments during which I've consistently delivered exceptional results. Love that for you. However, this seems to have
created an unintended dilemma for me at work. Ooh, let's get into it. My aspiration is to continue progressing and contributing to the growth of the company. Unfortunately, I've noticed a pattern where my performance is met with a sense of isolation for my colleagues. I think the stems from the perception that my achievements might overshadow or unsettle others. It's important for me to emphasize that my
intentions have never been to make anyone feel insecure about their capabilities. The consequence of this is I feel like I'm excluded from group activities and team gatherings and important meetings, and it's leading me to take the step of transitioning to a different department within the organization. Damn okay, so yeah, you're like you're
ready to leave. The decision was driven by a desire to find a more inclusive and supportive environment where I can fully engage and contribute without feeling isolated. Oh my gosh, this experience has taken its hole on my self esteem because it makes me feel like I need to downplay my accomplishments. In order to not make other people uncomfortable. I value collaboration and I believe in uplifting the entire team and sharing our success. Reaching out to you for some guidance on
how to navigate this complex situation. PS love your podcast. Thank you. Okay, I like, there's so much to unpack. I have questions and sometimes I wish we were like on FaceTime so you could give me live answers. So the team that is making you feel isolated are managers included in that group? Because if the managers are part of the group of people who are
making you feel isolated, that's actually an even worse situation. And my advice would be get the hell out of that department, like you're doing the right thing, because it doesn't matter if it's a I don't know a boss for like two levels up or one level up. Any manager should be seeing you succeed as a positive reflection of their leadership. So if they don't see that that's a toxic workplace, this is still do be toxic. It's still do
be toxic. Okay, here's my immediate assessment. First of all, you cannot dull your sparkle to make other people uncomfortable. I spent so much of my life, especially in my early twenties, feeling like I had to shrink myself in an effort to not make other people feel small. And it sounds cocky when you say that, Like, I bet you felt weird writing this, being like, hey, I'm good at my job and I think it
makes other people uncomfortable. You need to release the idea that you acknowledging the fact that you do great work is cocky because you are clearly operating with humility. You are doing a good job, and other people are seeing that, and they're seeing they're not getting access to the same opportunities and they resent you for it, or they might even think that you think you're too good for them. So there's like a couple of different factors. If that is their
perception they're operating with. You need to continue to make an effort to be one with these people, Like maybe you plan a social maybe you go up to them for lunch and make that first effort because maybe they think you think that you're too cool. If that's not the case, and they're excluding you because it honestly like awakens insecurities within them, Do not waste your energy and your time trying to decode them. You will spend your whole life encountering people
like this, like whether it's work or friends. Honestly, you'll probably even see it more in friendships, especially as you get older and as you progress in your career, where your friends who once were your champions and like rooting for you at all times, they see you succeeding, They see you doing well and it almost makes them anxious. It's like the success that they see
in you actually makes them doubt what they have in their own life. It's almost like the jealousy and the things that they see within your life and within the life you have created, it's reminding them of what they don't have, and it's making them resent you. It's like you are the human embodiment of the things they want that maybe they don't have yet or will not have.
I'm not saying that's always the case, but to be honest, especially in work situations, it comes from a place of jealousy and it comes from a place of insecurity, and there's nothing you can do to reason with insecure people who operate like this. You know you're going to try and understand, You're going to try and make it better and for why these are not the kinds of people you want in your life. At the end of the day, it's work. Go in, make your money, get yourself promoted, go
home. I know it impacts your mental health and your sense of self because you don't want to be perceived a certain way. I would encourage you to stop giving a shit what other people think of you, because at the end of the day, it is your life. At the end of the day, you know who you are. You know you're a good person. It's not on you to spend your whole life bending so that other people don't feel like they're going to break. Dear Emily, I really need your advice on
what to do in this complicated situation. Okay, let's get into it. I'm gonna give it to you. I will give it to you. Back in the spring, I was interviewing with a fairly well known company for an associate level position for context. I recently graduated college congratulations, so the possibility of even being considered for this position was pretty exciting. A couple of weeks after the interview process, I received an email saying that although I was the
top candidate for the position. They were experiencing a hiring freeze for the role, but they could still potentially onboard me within a few months. After months of radio silence, I recently reached out for an update and was told they might get the go ahead to onboard me soon. It's been a few weeks since then. I haven't heard back. My question is how long do I
wait before I reach out again. I don't want to put too much pressure on this recruiter who would also be my future boss, because I really don't think hiring me is in her control. I have also been applying to other positions and haven't had much luck, so leveraging another offer is out of the question. What do I do. I hate the state of the job market, I really do, and I like I'm preaching to the choir. You guys know, I talk about it all the time. We're in a rough,
rough job market, and I don't know when it's getting better. I don't there's really not strong indicators. First of all, congrats, I'm graduating. That's super exciting. Congrats on applying and putting yourself out there. First thing I want to tell you is it takes on average of five to six months before you get your first job out of school. That's a real statistic, and actually it's probably worse than that because that stat was pre pandemic,
and obviously the panorama changed everything for us. So be kind to yourself. It's going to take time, and that's normal, that's natural. The assessment you have, though, is totally right. Usually it's not the recruiters like Wheelhouse or within her or their span of control to decide whether or not there's a hiring freeze. Recruiters are really there to identify people. It's basically sales. Like you're given the job, We're going to go find the right person
for the job. I'm going to sell you the job. We're going to close it by you know, you signing your offer. Wham bam, thank you, ma'am. It's done. So you're right like you ultimately are not going to get her to change the decision. However, what I think you need to do, especially given that it's been months, is apply some pressure.
And it's okay to apply pressure for a couple of reasons. Number one is mentally wondering if this job is coming through is probably really stressful and it's probably impacting how much effort you want to put into your job search with other companies or exploring other options because you're like, okay, well, maybe this is in the back of my mind. I think you need to operate under the assumption you don't have this job story. I am telling you that because
the worst case scenario is that you don't. The best case scenario is that you do and it gives you options. So let's pretend you don't have it. I think it's time to send them an email and say it's been an awesome experience. I so appreciate your transparency. I respect that this likely isn't a decision that you need to make. Do you have a firm timeline on
when we're looking at revisiting this role or reopening this position? And say, I'm asking because I am entering interviews with other organizations and they need to manage my own expectations. Even if that is not true, it's okay to put a little pressure on, Like you're not saying you have other offers, but you're saying that you're in the interview process, which could be true. You know, you could interview anywhere. I think that's fine. And if you
don't feel comfortable, omit that part, but keep the rest. I think at the end of the day, if they get the head count and they get the positions, they will reach out to you, and it's important that you're staying top of mind. But to be honest with you, if it's months of waiting for this position to get opened, I wouldn't hold your breath.
I've seen so many companies do stuff like this where they've opened a job and then they're like, yeah, yeah, we just have to close it for a couple of weeks and we're going to open it back up, and then suddenly it's a year, you know. So I would say, make peace with the fact that this is in the rearview, keep following up, ask them for a timeline, But to be honest, just for your own sanity, I would call it quits. I really would. Okay, Love
Bugs, those were two really good questions. I think I'm going to stop there just because all the questions are super like personal and long, which I love. But I want to give them the right attention you feel me, I will say, though, if you do have other topics you want me to cover, or even people you want me to have on the show, let me know. I don't usually do guests because I don't know. Actually I do know. I just I feel like have a guest on the podcast
sometimes can like change the dynamic a little bit. And then so many people have guests on their show, and then I'm like, what makes this podcast different from every other podcast in the market. I don't know. But I also personally love like episodes with people, so I don't know. I don't know. Plus I love the idea of having a permanent co host, like I would love to have somebody to bounce ideas off of. But I don't think I would ever get into business with one of my friends because I value
the friendship too much. I don't really mix that. But I don't know. You let me know. I'd be curious to hear what you think. As I sit here opening up TikTok because I cannot freaking stop laughing at the fact that like brawl happened. Is it Mississippi or like that river fight with the you'll know what I'm talking about. It's like viral on TikTok right now,
that like big fight where people were throwing chairs. I'm just trying to catch up to understand what the hell's going on but I cannot stop laughing, so that's probably what I'm going to end up doing. But thank you guys so much, like it was such a good time getting to chat with you. I always appreciate and love you, and I'll talk to you in the next episode.