I'm Tony. I'm Eric. We are the sons of San Fernando. But we've been friends for over 40 years. And grew up together in the San Fernando Valley. These are the stories of our experiences as adventurous Gen X latchkey slackers from back in the day. And don't forget to hit the follow or subscribe button so you don't miss an episode. We went to Trader Joe's the other day. Um. That's my favorite place. in the of any other place in the world. That's where I take vacations.
Yeah? Yeah, I go to Trader Joe's. Have you ever tried? They don't like it so much, but I love it. Have you ever tried to trade at Trader Joe's? Have you ever gone in with a cart full of items and said, listen. Yeah, I bring in old cassette tapes. And I'm like, all right, I got one Billy Squire and one Kansas and one America, the one with horse with no name. And Huey Lewis in the news sports. That's popular. Oh, no, forget it. sports, you can get a cheese platter. You
get the whole wine section for Huey Lewis. Yeah, that's no problem. You bring in Huey, if you're bringing in Huey Lewis, if you're bringing in Huey Lewis, you basically walk out with the store. Yeah, you got carte blanche. Have you ever looked for their hidden parrots? No, I've heard of such things like hidden Mickey's at Disney, the hidden parrots. Hidden Mickey? You know the hidden Mickey? Yeah, the hidden Mickey's, hidden parrots. Yes, that's right.
They have hidden Mickey's. No, but... And then they slip you a Mickey. And here's... The reason I haven't really paid any attention, at least lately, to looking at the parrots is that it's autumn, right? It's fall. It's fall season. What do you have to do with the parrots? is that there's complete distraction at Trader Joe's and every other place. And that is the season of fucking pumpkin goddamn spice. Yeah, pumpkin spice everything. Pumpkin spice cookies.
By the way, I just recently bought some pumpkins. I bought, okay, I literally bought a pumpkin spice enema from Whole Foods. I got pumpkin spice cookies. I ate like five of them. It's festive. And I was like, something's wrong with this. Oh, it turned into a pumpkin spice enema. And it ended up being. a pumpkin spice enema. So it's funny that you mentioned that because
I'm sure. It wasn't labeled as that, but that's what the end result, the end result was. Amazing though, if that's how they delivered enemas, not enemas, that's how they delivered laxatives to you, was like in a cookie. Like if you're like. In a pumpkin spice cookie. Like why not? If you're gonna take laxative medication, why not get a cookie? Yeah. But what else would be wonderful to have as pumpkin spice that you don't get? What would you like to have pumpkin
spice that you don't see already created? See, because I got a few options. Okay, start me off with one. What would you like to see as pumpkin spice? I would like to have pumpkin spice shirts, for example. Like clothing. I want my clothing. Wait, the color or the scent? The scent. Scented, one of those scents. I wanna walk around and reek of pumpkin spice myself. That's number one for me. bacon. I don't know. You know what I would be real hot on? Pumpkin,
pumpkin spice, pumpkin spice lumber. Pump, pumper, lumber. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go, you go to Home Depot and you buy yourself, you know, some two-by-fours and it's pumpkin spice. Imagine the smell when you're building your shed. So for the rest of your life, you build houses out of pumpkin spice. Instead of cedar, like you get cedar and you get that nice No, pumpkin spice, you just smell it in the wood. Pumpkin spice is the predecessor to Halloween. I mean,
okay, so my first memories of Halloween. were those old... Being beaten up by the cool kids. Oh well, that was you, that wasn't me. Yeah, sorry. We had those costumes that had, it was the prepackaged plastic, not fire retardant at all. With the plastic mask, with the little tiny elastic cord, with your favorite characters. Superheroes. Fonzie it was like it was like three dollars fucking Halloween costume amazing and they were just Like one size fits none
one size fits none. Yeah, and sometimes no back. They were like, oh, yes the thin plastic They were throwing they were throw is one and done and you know, it's funny is as soon as you said that I could smell them Oh yeah, they had... I could smell the polyurethane. The toxicity, yeah, yeah. They definitely have given us some sort of cancer. If you could go back. We, GenX is like, we're like cancer, they should just study our molecular structure. to fight off
cancer because that's all we do, is we've been fighting off carcinogens our whole life. Yeah, we gladly wore them to go get tricks and or treats. Yeah, millennials, man, they didn't experience the carcinogens that we did. No, here's a thing, early on too. No, here's a little story I'd like to tell. About three bad brothers you know so well. Continue. Early, early, early Halloween. My mom was thrifty. So even the $5 plastic Halloween throwaway
costume was still a little expensive. So she made her own, she would take the pool toys that had broken from the previous summer. Even easier than that. What was one of the most popular Halloween TV specials? back in our day. Charlie Brown's great pumpkin Charlie Brown. Right exactly and what was one of the popular costumes in the great pumpkin? Charlie Brown.
The the World War Two flying ace? No. Oh well okay. The ghost. The ghost right the Charlie Brown ghost and they could always see Pigpen because he was a ghost but it was like the he had all the dust flying. Yes. You were a ghost? Many many years. Oh really. I was white sheet. Really. Cut the holes out and by the way. Did you have any say in this? I was okay with it, but the thing is, trip hazard, impossible to breathe in, always shifted around because
you could never see out of the thing. You're constantly eating shit, going upstairs to do it, because you can't see through those little holes that your mom cut the eyes out. Did you get a rock too, like Charlie Brown did when he would go to the door? I know. I got a candy, I got a penny, I got a rock. No, I never. I love that. I got a rock! Rock! You know, I just watched it again with my niece the other night and I will tell you that special holds
Oh, yeah. No, it's yeah the Vince Guaraldi music Amazing. This the sop with camel was snoopy with the whole the fight scene of world war two Yeah. Oh, so good. Yeah. So good. But that set the tone for many years of Halloween costumes because it was an easy go-to. It was like, oh, you're not gonna buy this piece of crap that we're gonna throw at you. This is fine. So you still go as a ghost to Halloween? Oh yeah, I still go trick or treating all the
time as a 53 year old. How old are you? What was the last year you went trick or treating? Oh, probably like 12. 43. Somewhere between 12 and 43. We went trick-or-treating ourselves together multiple times. I was gonna say, I remember we have a photo. We'll have to put this one up online. Me, you, Steve Cassidy, and Jeff Greenberg. Yeah, we were all like gangsters. Yeah, we had a couple of you guys had some pretty good looking suits. I had Marten
and Brando cotton in my cheeks to get a godfather looking a little painted on mustache. I had my dad's coat on, which my dad was like 6'3", like 200 something. So it was in Nora. I was like enveloped by it. You look ridiculous. So and I had like Steve look amazing. Oh dude.
He looked like a hitman from the 70s except he had a rope Well, that was the only thing okay So yeah, it was supposed to be like, you know One of those like a like a fishing line or something you'd choke somebody out with like Godfather style But he had a fucking jump rope. I know but that's great. No his outfit killed it But he had a jump rope. He had that he had the Italian fro. He had the aviator glasses. No, no the aviators played He looked great.
Those were good days. You know what? And it was like, it was nonstop. I know your neighborhood was good. Mine was good growing up. My neighborhood was good until I got jacked. And I was dressed as like the American flag or something. I had a painted face and I was 10. Wait, wait, wait. You can't gloss over it. You were dressed as the American, by choice? Yeah, I was trying to be creative. It was getting a little, we're getting towards middle school, trying to do
something a little more. The American flag was your choice? That may not even be right. I saw it's the way I remember it. I know I had a lot of. face paint on and there was definitely red, white and blue. Well that was a giant mistake. Well here's why, it was even more of a mistake. I became clearly a target. Well, you might have deserved it. Maybe I did. I'm going walking up down the hill with Steve Cassidy, approach, it was a Jeep, it was a fucking Jeep. And these
teenagers lean out of the Jeep and they say, hey, how's it going? And me and Steve are like amiable. friendly youngsters. Your kids are what, 10? 9? 10? The pillow sack. Oh yeah, the pillow case. And then you're using a pillow case. It's not a sack, it's a case. It's a case. And then we're using a case. And we're not, we're using a pillow case and not the little tub or anything. Yeah, yeah, no, you're past the tub. Yeah,
we're using a pillow case. So they're like, oh, let's see what you got. So, and it's a girl, of course. She's like this like 18 year old girl. Oh yeah, you're all about that. And I'm like, okay. And I come over, I have older sisters. I trust the older women. Of course. I come over and they're like, let me see. And she asked me to, and I opened the bag. She
grabs the bag and Good night. They got your candy. I've told these stories multiple times, but now for some reason telling it this time, I'm overwhelmed and shocked by... how these teenagers, no, it's not even stupid, it's horrific. They grabbed onto my bag, I grabbed the bag, the kid driving the car hits the gas, it's uphill, I'm on the asphalt, I'm not on the sidewalk anymore. You didn't let go. And I would not let go of the candle. So what was going through
your mind as a ten-year-old? I'll tell you what was going through my mind, I was asphalt surfing. Full surf. I was asphalt surfing on my knees, and I held on for about 15 feet. So it was like one of the old westerns where the guy gets pulled by the horse. Now I gotta imagine that this must have been later in the Halloween evening when your sack was full. Like you must have had a lot of candy is what I'm saying. Because you would have at least let go if you just
started and you went like 3, 4... My sack was full. I would have had it. Yeah, you had loot. I get up from this... I finally let go. You had a sack full of smarties. Amazing that I did not get run over. I could have been killed. These people could have killed a 10 year old. Yeah, yeah, but whatever. How did the rest of this go? I get up. I am... bleeding like I was shot in the kneecap. Now you look like a bloody American flag. It's perfect, now I'm
the Civil War. And we decide to go up to Steve's house to clean up my wounds, and we get there. Back team. And Patti Cassidy, who's a lot tougher than my mother. was just pissed at me. She was like, how are you that stupid that you walked up and showed them that- Patty is the kind of mom who would go to, she'd go to the cabinet, get some salt and rub it in those fucking wounds. She basically did. She did, she did put the Bactin on it. She did tend to the wounds, clean
them, bandage them. I felt so stupid. And she did not help. I got back out there and get some more candy. She was just like, why would you go up to the car? What is wrong with you? And Steve, in his defense, Did not! Yeah, yeah, well, he... Patty taught him right. Yeah. Well, you know, you learned your lesson there. I bled. My biggest problem with Halloween has always been fucking fun size. What's wrong with fun size? It's not fun. It's super fun. No, it's
not. Oh, it is. No, why? Why? No, no, no. I enjoy it a lot. No. What? Fun? Fun! It's eh... Okay, so... And by the way, Everything about it is fun. No, when we were trick or treating as kids in the 70s and the 80s, it was fun size, which was what, how big was that thing? Like three inches, four inches, a little fun size? Two. Two? No. Two, inch and a half. Inch and a half? Okay. Inch and a half. Yeah, three inches is a full-size bar. No, it's not. Yeah, that's
a Snickers. Those Snickers are six inches. That's a king size. Oh God, no, okay, no. Regular Snickers is more than three. Three inches. No, you are on crack. I'm looking it up, continue your story. The fun size was, it's a small snacky size, right? But it feels cheated, especially when there would be, you get those houses that gave you the full size candy bars. You get a full Snickers, a full Milky Way, a full Zagnut, a big Butterfinger, a big Hunk, a Charleston
Chew. It's just too much. I'm just gonna keep naming candies till you stop me. Here's why I want fun size. Why? size so that I can eat many different candies. You know what's more fun? A big fucking candy bar! First of all, here's the answer. How big did you think a Snickers bar was? A regular sized Snickers bar. Regular full-sized Snickers bar. Five inches. Four inches. Okay, we were right in between then. Because you were saying three inches
and that's bullshit. You said six! Okay, maybe that's a bigger- Now you went down to five! Don't be fucking saying that you said five when you initially said six! You know what's even worse now? Yeah, I like how you gloss over that. Is the- now it's not even fun size. Now they're giving you a nugget! It's bite size! Bite size! Fuck you, bite size! Again! As far as I'm concerned, more bites to have! More bites to have! Only! Only if you walk up to that door and they give
you like six fucking bite size. If you walk up to that door and they give me one bite size fucking Snickers, Fuck you! I'm egging your fucking house. I'm fucking TP'ing that shit with a cheap one ply. I'm gonna fuck your shit up. I need at least a handful of bite size to equal a fun size. Fun size to fun! First of all, it's two bites per fun. Two bites per fun. and three funds for regular. I can't follow that. So you got a regular is one equals three
funds. equals six bites. I would rather have a whole fucking sleeve of Smarties. Would you not rather have some Smarties? Oh, I love a sleeve of Smarties. How about a- Love a sleeve of Smarties. How about an everlasting Gobstopper? Oh yeah, no, but yeah, yeah. I'm not a big Jawbreaker fan. No, no. But let me tell you what I did love. Sugar babies. Oh, sugar babies, sugar daddies. Sugar daddies, sugar ba- Sugar daddies is the pop, is the sucker. Yeah. Kind
of a pain. Babies, the chewy babies, were basically mini Milk Duds. Mini duds. I love those. Min duds. But I got three words for you. Yeah. Bit, oh. Lose your teeth, honey. Oh yeah, oh yeah, that's why I have... That's a 40 hour excursion. Is a bit of honey. But wait, let's go back to Smarties. What is it about those things that make them so good? They're tarty, and they're sweety. They're tart, but they're not too tart. No, and they're a little sweet, but not sweet.
They're more tart than sweet. I love a Smartie. I could go for a roll of Smarties. And now, were you a one at a timer, or were you a dunk? No, no, like half a roll. Half a roll? Do you ever dunk a hole? That's just, there's something. Dunk a whole roll. No, no. You put your teeth on one end of it and you pull it out into your mouth. Meow. No, you should seek therapy if you're doing a whole roll of Smarties. Oh, a whole roll of Smarties is a phenomenal experience.
You, you, you. You haven't lived. Professional help. You haven't lived. I last trick or treated at like 13 and then we went to all the parties. And then it was parties. Then we went to jalapeno, jalapeno parties. Jalapeno parties. And, and yes, I remember, I think we did TP somebody's house at a Halloween party. Yeah. You know, stuff that, not a big deal, in a little, in the shrubbery. How did that, who started that weird tradition of tee peeing a house? Let's
get some toilet paper and throw it in the trees so that it's difficult to clean up. That's the whole thing, ultimately. What was the last Halloween costume you wore? Bacon. Just the other day. And were you complimented by eggs? Yes, Elaine was the egg. Yeah, yeah, she actually created her own egg costume. She built an egg? She built an egg. Was she sunny-side up? Uh,
she was. Here's the question about eggs. Mm. When you're an egg costume, Yeah. Most people decide to go as a sunny side up egg because, and here's why, a frittata is hard to recognize. Yeah, so what is a scramble? A scramble is like puke, basically. You're gonna look like vomit. Oh, hey, what are you two dressed as? Bacon and vomit. Bacon and puke. Yeah. Bacon and barf. There was a period when all of a sudden you weren't allowed to trick or treat anymore
because everybody decided that Oh, I know where this is going. And Poison was in the candy and then Richard Blades? Richard Blades. Oh, Razor Blades. And this is the most, how did that start? How did that urban legend start? Do you really think somebody actually did that somewhere? No, there's no record of it. I've looked it up. I've snopest it. That was a great
campfire story. treating with a bunch of like seven-year-olds and we come back and oh we got all this loop we got this candy and we got this what kid is gonna bite into an apple when you've got a whole fucking bag of Abba Zabba and fucking three musketeers the answer is no kid and he takes a bite into an apple and there was a razor blade! Bloody gums and razor blade it's a rusty blade and all of a sudden he's got it never happened that never happened
there were no Remember there was a period where our parents would check our candy. They would look through it and check it. Yeah, like a little x-ray, candy x-ray. Now, if I go... like trick-or-treating with Kelly's kid or something. I'm eating the candy out of his bag. Right away, you're not checking anything. No. They could be poisoning the shit out of that and you wouldn't care. No, I'd be interested in seeing the results. Like, huh. Yeah, what are they? What is this
gonna do? What are they taking this with? I, you know, I... Did you remember, like, it was one thing I do remember about early candies. Yes. In the Gen X days, there would be those weird houses with the really old people that would give you the fucked up old candy. Remember the old people candy? We're talking about all the old, like the three musketeers and the Milky Ways and the Snickers and the good stuff. Yeah, I don't remember old candy. No. What
old candy? Every so often you would go... Dots? No, no, you would go and get like a Werther's Original or a Starlight Mint or like... It'd be like the... Right. Yeah, the old people that you just have. I could go with the Werther's and a Starlight. I'm comfortable with accepting those, by the way. Or did you ever... I got these a couple times. Do you ever get a Ludens? Did you ever get a cough drop? I got a random cough drop from the old people that had no
idea what they're giving out. That is good. I didn't get a loose, but what I did get was, there was one woman who came to the door, and I think I had this happen multiple times, with cups of apple juice. What, you're doing shots? Yeah, shots, cups of apple juice. Here you go, kids. You know that wasn't just apple juice. There was a little bit of fucking ripple in there. Little bit of vodka. Yeah, and there were those types of things. things did exist.
And then there was everyone's what you get like a dime had like a pack of something set up where it was like a little mini comic book. That was bullshit. I want candy. I want my sugar rush. I applaud the effort on those. It was but the apple and the razor blade wasn't so bad with the razor blade. Sorry. It was just that the apple would crush. They would drop in your bag. and it would crush like your fun candy. Right, right, right. I don't know, did
you ever get an apple? Oh yeah, and oh, you know, oh my God, the word. Candy apple. No, no, no. Caramel apple. Can you imagine a caramel or caramel? I think there was a time when I didn't see it. I hope it was wrapped, because you imagine a nice hot caramel apple getting thrown into your bag, stick and everything. I think I do remember one time there somebody came to the door with like a pad that was like, you know, like a foam thing with sticks in
it of caramel apples. You know what, no, but you're not, another old school Gen X candy no-no Halloween boxes of raisins those little mini boxes of raisins don't get used to happen a lot dude a lot of raisins guaranteed what are those called valley of the sun made sun made raisins yeah yes or no you can you get the see you get the people that even give the knockoff like store brand raisins and you know what you were talking about earlier tp houses yeah those are the people you would
tp their house the ones that give you the fucking raisins these people are trying eric no they were No, if you- You would teepee the house of the people in your class. No, the people that are throwing in an unwrapped Seize candy into my fucking bag. That ain't right. Seize candy are expensive. I'd be surprised if you got an unwrapped Seize candy thrown into your bag. Oh, or there was tough- Pennies. Pennies were the worst. Yeah, we got- We used to get
those. Cash. Yeah, we got cash. Yeah, I remember getting pennies. Yeah, what are you doing with that penny? What's that? What good is that? Back then you could buy stuff with pennies. You get a, you get a, some base. Do you remember how much like a, could we buy like a pack of Wrigley's? Pack of baseball cards. How much is a pack of Wrigley's? Just a little five, remember those little skinny five packs? Oh, that's nothing you would get, by the way, is
gum. Yes, we did. Quarter? But the gum we would get double bubble, which I love double bubble. Maybe it was like 15, 20 cents. That stale fucking break your tooth double bubble. Yeah, snap your teeth off. Love that. 20 cents, right? So you could let those pennies. You get enough pennies. You got a pack of gum, not one stick, but a pack. Yeah, and then you. And back then you could still buy a pack of cigarette gum in the 7-Eleven. They were selling that shit
back then. You know, right? So pennies were not worthless. Like they are now. Pennies from Hezmana. I would take a penny back in the 70s. If you could pick any candy that you got back when you were a kid, seven, eight, nine years old, that if you went to every house and you only got one type of candy, one candy, what would it be? Jeremy Su. You were a strange child. Thanks for listening to the Sons of San Fernando. Don't forget to hit that subscribe or follow
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