If there’s something in your life you keep doing that it’s healthy and you know you need to change but can’t seem to get started, this episode is for you. We often cling to unhealthy patterns because they’re familiar and changing means walking into the unknown-which is hard to do! Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third one to...
May 21, 2025•25 min
If you’ve ever thought you’re too much, crazy, too boring, or too dumb when you share with your therapist, you might have a specific wound that the therapeutic relationship an help heal. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third one together. Aaron is also a business consultant for therapists in private practice wanting to start...
May 21, 2025•25 min
Amber Drake is a current graduate student attending UH at Hilo, studying clinical mental health counseling and graduating in May 2025. She’s doing an internship at Aloha House, a partial hospitalization program, volunteers with NAMI Maui, sits on the state board of directors with NAMI Hawaii, is a NAMI Maui affiliate leader, and is certified as a youth mental health first aid instructor. Amber sat down with us to share her story about how NAMI helped her recover from mental illness, which led he...
May 14, 2025•27 min
Many people go to therapy because they struggle to feel emotions. Intellectualizing problems is a common way of coping with overwhelming feelings, but it prevents you from feeling. If this is you, here's what you can do about it. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third one together. Aaron is also a business consultant for ther...
May 07, 2025•25 min
Going to therapy every week is a great thing, but what makes it effective is when you practice something different between sessions toward meaningful change. We discuss some reasons why you might struggle with doing the work outside the therapy office, and what you can do to address this with your therapist. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practi...
Apr 16, 2025•25 min
When you decide to go to therapy, it's usually because you've recognized something has become problematic in your life and it needs to change. Bringing this to a therapist for help is a good start, but assuming the therapist knows what you need can prevent you from taking ownership of your needs and directing sessions to meet your needs best. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each...
Apr 16, 2025•23 min
The purpose of therapy is to learn more about yourself so you can make meaningful changes - to “get better.” Sometimes there are obstacles that can get in the way of that process, from both the therapist or the client. The right combination should be help you make progress, even if it takes some time to get there. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy ...
Mar 26, 2025•24 min
Some people view therapy as a “product” that can be “consumed” at any location, while others view it as a “service” that requires more of a “specialist.” Neither is right or wrong, but knowing what is being sought in therapy can help the client and therapist get on the same page and work together toward the same goals. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group the...
Mar 19, 2025•26 min
When you can give yourself compassion and tolerate your own emotional experiences, you can hold space for others and be present with their emotional experiences. This is a great skill that can transform your relationships and move conversations to what the real issues are. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third one together. ...
Mar 12, 2025•25 min
Why do some people just “talk talk talk” in a monologue in therapy? It could be that this kind of verbal processing is what they need to explore and understand what it is they think or feel, and the space given by a therapist facilitates it. If you’re not sure, having a conversation between therapist and client about this dynamic can help both of you understand each other and work together best. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical s...
Mar 05, 2025•25 min
The second and most destructive of the four “horseman” that the Gottmans identify as a relationship killer is contempt. Contempt involves taking a one-up position of superiority and shaming the other person. The antidote to contempt is a culture of appreciation in the relationship. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third one t...
Mar 05, 2025•24 min
The fourth and final of the Gottman “horsemen” is stonewalling-withdrawing and disengaging from the conversation to build a kind of “wall” between you and your partner. This usually comes from physiological overwhelm called “flooding,” where the stonewaller shuts down and chooses to disengage. The antidote to stonewalling is taking time to calm down and re-engaging. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years ...
Feb 19, 2025•25 min
The third “horseman” of the relational apocalypse is defensiveness, usually as a response to criticism. Defensiveness is a form of self-protection from a perceived attack, usually from a place of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood. The antidote to defensiveness is accepting responsibility for your role in the conflict or situation. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each ...
Feb 13, 2025•25 min
John & Julie Gottman founded the Love Lab at the UW in Seattle, WA which can predict with 94% accuracy whether a couple will stay together based on observing the first several minutes of their argument. The Gottmans discovered four relationship killers called “the four horsemen”; the first one being criticism. Criticism is when you attack the person or character rather than address the behaviors. The relationship antidote to criticism is a soft startup. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are...
Jan 29, 2025•27 min
Do you know the difference between arguing and discussing? Conflict in a relationship will require some conversation about it, and we want to make sure you’re discussing issues with the goal of understanding one another. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third one together. Aaron is also a business consultant for therapists in...
Jan 22, 2025•25 min
When someone you care about is struggling and needs help, it can be difficult to talk with them about considering therapy. Here are some suggestions about what to say, and what not to say, in that delicate conversation to encourage someone to talk with a therapist. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third one together. Aaron is...
Jan 15, 2025•25 min
Guest Tory Krone, a counselor and entrepreneur, talks about focusing on the present over the past using ACT to make practical changes. She encourages people to get curious first about themselves then about others, in order to improve relationships. In this interview, she describes her clinical process of "mapping" people's experiences as well as her passion for helping group counseling practices gather data to better help clients. Tory Krone is a seasoned licensed clinical therapist with 15 year...
Jan 08, 2025•36 min
Therapists are people with personality traits. Extroverted therapists, for example, can be easy to connect with, be good communicators, and give helpful feedback. They may also need to be more intentional about holding space for clients without interruption, ask more questions than offering answers, and be patient with the process and allow people to come to their own conclusions. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with...
Dec 18, 2024•24 min
Therapists are people with personality traits. Introverted therapists, for example, can be great listeners, ask good questions, and hold space for people to share. They may also need to be more intentional about asserting themselves, be aware of the conversational balance with clients, and give feedback or challenge people - which may be uncomfortable for many introverts. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 ...
Dec 11, 2024•26 min
Have you defined a period of your life by a single (negative) event? Does that event taint the rest of that time period or season? If so, you might need to reclaim or redeem that season. Learn how to identify the way you might have defined your season too negatively, as well as what to do about it to reclaim that part of your life. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a priv...
Dec 04, 2024•24 min
In this final episode, Dr. David Niyonzima, an ambassador for healing in the African country of Burundi, finishes his story about bringing healing - not treatment - to the people of his country and spreading this message of healing internationally. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third one together. Aaron is also a business ...
Nov 27, 2024•22 min
In this second of three episodes, Dr. David Niyonzima, an ambassador for healing in the African country of Burundi, continues his story about how he escaped genocide and discovered "mental health" which he later brought back to his country for people like him who had experienced trauma. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third ...
Nov 20, 2024•29 min
In this first of three episodes, we sit down with Dr. David Niyonzima, an ambassador for healing in the African country of Burundi. He shares the history of tribalism and genocide in the country, as well as how he was personally impacted which put his life on a course to pursue healing for trauma. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-o...
Nov 13, 2024•24 min
Generally, in long-term loving and committed relationships, sexual differences begin to appear. Nathan breaks this down for men and for women, as well as what can be done to better accept these to improve your relationship. Note that we are educational, not explicit with regard to the topic. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a t...
Nov 05, 2024•24 min
Using a list of Universal Human Needs, which everyone has, we discuss the importance of knowing your needs and how they make you - and others - known. When you know your feelings AND the needs that are associated with them, you can better meet them and be a healthier, more stable person. It also means you can better see and meet the needs of others in relationships. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years ...
Oct 30, 2024•25 min
Assessments in therapy sound boring. They’re not! Let us surprise you! We explain why a good assessment, in the first couple of sessions of therapy, is important to everything else that happens - including the effectiveness and direction of your treatment. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third one together. Aaron is also a b...
Oct 23, 2024•25 min
How do you know if therapy is good? We discuss some good indicators that your therapy is quality, beyond the basic “my therapist is warm and empathetic.” Our hope is that you can be better informed to make a good decision about your therapy, or if you’re a therapist, you can be reminded of what people need in order for therapy to be effective. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They eac...
Oct 16, 2024•26 min
Part 2 of 2. There is a common dynamic in marriage where a passive husband does not contribute like his wife needs him to, which causes her to “over function.” When she tries to talk to him to get more initiation from him, he often shuts down or says he will help but then doesn’t. This “pursue-and-withdraw” pattern can be tricky! In this episode, we focus on the passive husband: why he shuts down and what he needs to do to change his side of the equation. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are b...
Oct 09, 2024•23 min
Part 1 of 2. There is a common dynamic in marriage where a passive husband does not contribute like his wife needs him to, which causes her to “overfunction.” When she tries to talk to him to get more initiation from him, he often shuts down or says he will help but then doesn’t. This “pursue-and-withdraw” pattern can be tricky! In this episode, we focus on the unsupported wife: what she feels and needs to do to change her side of the equation. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral h...
Oct 01, 2024•28 min
This is a re-release of a popular episode we recorded way back in 2021. We’ve been introducing more IFS content and thought it would be helpful to “bump” this informative episode but with a fresh coat of paint! Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third one together. Aaron is also a business consultant for therapists in private p...
Sep 25, 2024•42 min
