Welcome to the self help podcast. A weekly non autistic guide dedicated to your emotional health and well-being presented by entrepreneur, Edward Lamb, and psychotherapist, Shawn Orford. For more information, visit live in the present dotco.uk. Okay. Hello. Welcome to episode 524 of the self help podcast with me, Ed Lamb. I'm a good pal, Sean Orford. How are you doing, Sean? I am good. I am good. Working hard. Yeah. Yes. I believe. Yeah. You got
lots going on. Hey. It's been hard to pin you down in the last week or 2 for a It's it's it's been a a bit crazy, a bit crazy. And then then next week, we're going off to, Denmark for for the week to Copenhagen. Lovely. Oh, that'd be cool. I look forward to hearing all about that. Yeah. It's on my list of, but, yeah, there's too many places to visit and not enough time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
But that that's where, going doing a road trip in a camper van would be good because you could go all the way around. Yeah. That'd be cool. Speaking of which, is is your van all fixed up? I think last time we spoke, it was, it's it's well, it is it's going okay, but there there's a a grays on the side that will need to be resprayed. Oh. Yeah. Some someone back I left parts at the car park. When I came back, someone had kissed the side with their car. And That's what car parks are for. You're
supposed to park in them. But yeah. It was for Yeah. There you go. I'm sure it'll buff out. Well, it might need a bit of filling than it's from someone else, don't you? Oh, dear. Yeah. Well, it's been a busy all week. Elections, we've got a well, he's not president yet, is he? But president-elect Trump President-elect. Yes. Won a decisive victory over in the United States. So, yeah, what'd you make of
that, man? Pretty, interesting news, God knows what that means for us in Europe, and what that's gonna mean for the Russian Ukraine thing. And, you know, we we only have to wait and see now, don't we? But if he's going to be right wing and a bit kind of fascist, it's gonna be difficult. Yeah. I mean, I'm chuckling about it, but, yeah, it's, Yeah. Yeah. You just gotta laugh from your bandwidth. Yeah. Crazy times. You have to laugh to keep from crying. Yeah. People have spoken. Yeah.
Decisively as well. It wasn't even well, it was close in the sense that it was whatever. Yeah. 52, 48 was all or something. But the way that interest in, electoral system works meant that it was, yeah, it was over. I woke up the the morning after, and, it was pretty much a done deal. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. It were. But we'll find we'll wait and see till it's a strange system they've got. So he's been elected, but he doesn't get to be president for a couple of months. So, yeah.
Yeah. It's kind of the calm before the storm, Yeah. But that must make it hard for the person that's having to hand over. Yeah. Because because they've they've got to then spend a couple of months knowing that they're kind of on borrowed time as they were. I know. And I'm not sure if you're able to kinda get a load of rush a load of things through or whether there's just no mechanism for
government to kinda work in this time. Or Maybe that's where you just need to pardon yourself for all the bad things that you've done. So legally, you're pardon. Anyway but it's gonna give us lots of ammunition at least for, talking about things for the next 4 years on on this. It's gonna be weird, isn't it, Antonya? Yeah. We will see. We will. But, yeah, we're we're gonna talk about remembrance today, partly triggered by the the the services that we have at this time of the year in the UK and
across Yeah. A lot of a lot of the west, really, when, sort of Yeah. Wars gone by. I was actually quite fortunate or honored to I get invited now as a counsellor to lay a wreath at a local church. So on remembrance Sunday, I got to do, to do that on behalf of, local counsellors and the Wirral Green Party, which was, really nice. You know? Yeah. I haven't got fully formed opinions on war and whether we should shouldn't be going to war or we should be funding the
military, all that kind of stuff. You know? The Green Party has got quite forthright views on kind of well, it's it's it's sort of changing the views in terms of as we get bigger. You know, like, not maybe disbanding NATO and all that kind of stuff and nuclear disarmament, all these things that sound quite sensible but are very hard to do in practice, you know, when you actually when you've actually got the the power in your hands. These are very tricky political decisions.
But anyway, you know, I'm obviously more than happy to go and pay my respects to the folks, you know, family and friends and people who I didn't even know that sacrificed their lives for so that me and you could sit here and record this jolly little podcast thing. Yeah. Yeah. And that that's one of the things, isn't it? It's like, the, that idea that we only have the kind of world that we live in because other people have been prepared to fight for it, I suppose. Yeah. Yeah. And it it's easy to,
to put things off. But, I mean, if if the the rest of the world haven't stood up to Hitler, what would the world be like now? Yeah. Yeah. Who knows? Yeah. I mean, this this this Trump's been compared to him. Not entirely fairly, probably. I don't think he's got that much smarts, but maybe some of the people in the background working with him do. But Mhmm. Yeah. I have been watching documentaries recently about the rise of fascism in Germany in the 19 you know, late twenties
through the thirties. Quite, it's very scary. Yeah. How it how it all how it all played out and some quite little close calls where really key decisions were made by, you know, 1 or 2 people that had a massive impact. And if they'd gone another way Yeah. The story would have been very different. But you don't know how things would have ended up. They might be No. We might be in a in a worse position now. You just don't know how the sands of time play out, do you? No. No. And it it's easy to,
to project and presume, but you're right. You don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's remembrance? What do you mean that at this time of year, Sean? Because you Well, it it it's always been a point in time anyway, I think, because of, when when I was a a kid, we always went to church, so it was, like, always a big deal. And and when I was in the Cubs and Scouts, we we used to do parades and all that kind of stuff.
But, the the big one for me was a few years ago, my father-in-law, Mike, died, and, it was on 11th. And, and I know he died at 2:33 because when he died, when he took his last breath, it really was his last breath, I looked at my watch and it was 2:33 in the afternoon. But it was and so each year when that comes around, I have my own remembrance. He always used to like to drink a a Faustus. So, I I like to raise a glass to to Mike at 2:33 if I can on that day.
And, and and and have that sense of him being there. It's quite well. It was quite strange. He used to smoke rolled cigarettes, and he sat on the back seat of our car. And he didn't smoke in the car, but there was a smell of cigarettes about it, in this particular smell of rolled cigarettes. And after he died, we'd be driving along, and we both looked at each other because it was as though someone had blown smoke between us from the back seat. It was really weird.
And, I was talking to other men's in the family the other day. And they've had that experience too if you can smell the smoke. And it's like, oh my god. Was there a smell of smoke? And it's almost as though it's it's like a visitation. Like, he's come to say, hello. It's cold it's cold sun. And here, you know, it's weird. Yeah. Well, I know I guess and I guess, it was, you know, really poignant service on Sunday at church that I went
to. And, it's interesting how humans, you know, we we create these rituals and these little times in our lives. You know, we we we don't have to do it this time of year. You can do it at any time for loved ones or friends and family you've lost. But we it's like we do we we we create these little rituals, don't we, to kind of force ourselves to kind of remember people, to look at photographs, to tell stories. Yeah. And,
yeah, it's amazing, you know. The the the point where they a a load of names and addresses were read out of people that died in World War 1 and 2, I think, that lived locally. And, you know, these are streets that I'm still walking and riding and driving through and knocking on doors sometimes. And Yeah. So it's quite poignant, really. Mhmm. Yeah. We're she's taught me how we create these little Yeah. Like, this type of rituals.
But but it it feels like in some ways, it there is an importance in remembering those that have gone. Oh, yeah. You know? And whether that means that it is a Remembrance Day, like like the Remembrance Sunday, or whether it is that we have, you know, celebrations and we mark the policy of of people that have been, close and meaningful than our lives, not just relatives. They could be, you know, people that that we need to remember for who they are and what they did.
Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, like, well, you've you've written in your blog post about how death is inevitable. And Yeah. Death can be can, you know, in terms of our reaction to it, it can be very I've got I've got had an an elderly relative pass away quite recently, and I've got a funeral to go to in a few weeks. But because they were so old, you know, well, well, well into the nineties, the feeling is very much, you know, one of sort of celebration and how they'd had such a good innings, you
know. Oh, they had a good run. Whereas if someone passes away much earlier in life as you've experienced and you write about, then it's a it's a different kind of grief and a different kind of remembrance, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there is some some sense about, it's kind of fair when people are old and they die, but it's not fair when they're young and they die.
Yeah. And it's, it is a certainly a very strange experience because then there is that thing, like I say, about if someone dies, are they dead? Mhmm. You know what I mean? Does do do they live on after the body's stopped? And we know of us will truly know something about that if we got there. If yeah. No. And remembrance can take different forms. Like, my old bless her, my grandma, who passed away a few years ago now, she's, like, a very vibrant person. And Yeah.
It is it is almost as if she's still with us, actually, because we have some stuff bits and pieces in our house that she had in her house. You know, we've got a mural, my son's bedroom. We've got a little coffee table which has got some other bits and bobs of hers. So it's like she's still with us, weirdly. And Yeah. I was watching a video back at the weekend of when we first got Cooper, our little dog here. Mhmm. And when we introduced him to my sister and her kids,
I filmed it. And my grandma was was there. She came up the driveway, the pathway to the house. So she's in this little video. So we were watching that and, it's it's strange. Yeah. It's like it's like she's still around really. It's it's weird. Yeah. But I and I guess with modern technology and the amount of photos and videos we take and the amount of stuff we share on social media,
Yeah. It is easier maybe to kind of keep hold of people and keep all the memories and that that feeling, wouldn't you say? I think so. Yes. But the thing that we have to be careful of, when you had photographs as as solid practical objects, they're still around. You know, when something is digital, it can be deleted. Oh my god. It's gone. Yep. You know? Well, it's a good tip to get some printouts done every now and again, which I'm not that great at. My father-in-law is brilliant.
I kinda take the Mickey out of him because as soon as we've been on a holiday or had a nice day out, he's back home and he's printing a photo for the wall. But Fair Play, like, it it's it's you know, if the Internet goes down or, you know, photos can just get lost in the stream of thousands of other pictures of Yeah. Yeah. God knows what. You know? You you you've either got to do backups on discs or sticks or, or you gotta print them. Yeah. Yeah.
I know. I do like to try and as a Christmas present and we're we're approaching Christmas, I do like to try and buy a create one of those photo books that you can do quite easily now online, either of just what we've been up to through the year or maybe a specific holiday or, you know, the summer, that kind of thing. So Yeah. That's another good way of Yeah. Hold holding on to memories. Yeah. Yeah. Simple.
Yeah. Yeah. But I was just thinking about remembrance Sunday in particular in well, 11th November in the UK and Armistice Day and all that. Do you think it's a little bit bittersweet that we kinda celebrate not not not celebrate, that we take the time that we that that kind of war and
destruction has forced us into to this. I'm just I'm just trying to get to get some thoughts out about how such an unbelievably, like, tragic set of events has forced us to kind of take the time to remember our loved ones. You know, like, we should be better naturally at kind of, making that time without having to, like, see millions of people killed and injured. Oh, yeah. I mean, I I think that we live in a strange world where pain and violence and suffering is an everyday event,
which seems crazy. Why should we do that? But we do it. I think that the thing is, and and this is one of the problems in all kinds of conflict, is that if you're the aggressor and you you get you get beaten, then, you know, what have you got to kind of moan about? If you're the, the person who has been attacked and you defend yourselves and and you you give the the originators a good sorting out, then, you know, do you have something to celebrate? I don't know.
I don't know. I mean, it's like when you look at the Middle East and you look alike, there's one set of events and then it's followed by another set of events. And it's like, if the first one didn't happen, the second one wouldn't happen. The third one is like it's it's they're echoes of each other down the line, aren't they? Yeah. You know? And it's like, if we didn't do it in the first place, well, like, when do you stop? When do you actually stop the conflict?
You know? So I I can go to Germany now, and it's fine. But a few years ago, not that long ago, really, in living memory, you know, it was like, well, no. You can't go there. Yeah. I guess maybe part of the poignancy of looking back on, like, the the other because, you know, you see on the the TV, the kind of the processions at, Whitehall in London and well, and and local services where there's kind of a diminishing number of older folks that, you know, with the badges on there,
all the medals displayed proudly. So Mhmm. That that generation is kind of yeah. It's it's disappearing, isn't it? So that's gonna be quite strange, really, I guess, when those older folks that Yeah. I don't know. Are are there anyone left from the First World War while there's still people around? Yeah. Good point. I guess there might be a very small handful, yeah, of work from the First World War, I guess. Yeah. But there there'll be a 100 plus, I would think. Well, over a 100.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's assuming they were born right at the end of it as well. So Yeah. Gosh. But, yeah, there's there's a bit of poignancy there, isn't it, that we kind of lose in that
generation. I haven't seen any this year, but it's always quite interesting to hear those folks that really fought or to, in particular, like, talk about it and tryna quite often, they'll kind of be quite, like, articulate about how awful it was and how we shouldn't do we should go, like, nowhere fucking anywhere near that kind of thing again if we can possibly avoid it. Mhmm. Because it was it was that horrendous. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I bet you can understand, can't
you? I mean, that whole and you see it in what's going on in, in Gaza now when when an area's been bombed and and the people are so distressed and bodies are buried and, you know, I mean, it's horrendous. Yeah. It's shocking. So, And and the but the predominant thing for me in my, if we all look after each other, we'll all be alright attitude It's like, why do we end up in these situations? What on earth is the point? You know, in the end, it doesn't serve anybody. Yeah.
You know? All you all you do is create more and more pain and and tell people, ah, you know, they've had enough, and then they don't do it anymore. Yeah. Trying to think there's a Marx Brothers movie called Duck Soup, classic one from the, well, thirties, I think. It was one of their maybe early forties, but, where Greg Sherr is, like, this head of
state. And, he I think he declares war on his this fella he doesn't like too much because he gets called an upstart or something like that, and he slaps him with a glove. So, yeah. In fact, yeah, my history is pretty shocking, to be honest, but I think World War 1 was a bit of a dodgy one in terms of how that started. Like, really kind of strange set of circumstances that led to a pretty, well, horrific conflict. But I I think a lot of conflicts are, it's like the conflicts are self imposed.
Mhmm. You know? I don't support any of the stuff on either side in, in the Middle East crisis that's going on. But when the the guys went into Israel and they killed and kidnapped people, what did they expect was going to happen? It's like you can act surprised because the Israelis responded, and whether or not you agree there is Israelis being there is neither here nor there to me. If you do something, why are you surprised when there's a response?
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I couldn't understand that. I mean, yeah, my my little perspective from local politics is that, it's almost as if our political systems are kind of set up for conflict. There's there's so little chance for resolution and
mediation. Even in local politics when we're just talking about really mundane stuff like bins and, the dreaded cycle lanes, that kind of thing, it's the the ways that we're allowed to communicate with with our fellow opposition councilors in full council is just, it's quite frustrating because you're not you know, you're given 3 minutes to talk and you're not allowed to respond, or you can't just stand up and say something, or you you can't If you've
already said one thing, you can't generally talk again. So there's no chance for a conversation, and it does they get quite heated, and they get you know, everyone gets their backs up quite quickly, including me sometimes. I'm trying to avoid it myself. But, you know, and that's just a local council. So, obviously, a a national global scale, is obviously fairly fairly similar and that the mechanisms for discussion are are not healthy. So maybe I need to get right in there and try and
sort it all out. Yeah. But if, people were allowed to have those full conversations other than 3 minutes and go, would things get resolved? I don't know. I mean, there's a lot, obviously, of pre discussions and after. You know?
So there's there's people in council that I'll speak to very amicably before the meeting starts, or I'll maybe I'll send them text messages or emails and we'll but then as soon as the kind of the the theater begins and the the hammer comes down or whatever, then, you know, you've gotta change tack a little bit and talk a different way. And Yeah. You gotta make your points and you gotta embarrass people sometimes, that kind of thing. So, it's, yeah. Politics is a big part of it, innit?
Of of war and conflict. But yeah. Mhmm. We're we're gonna get get 4 years of Donald Trump now to see how, yeah, to see how he handles it this time around. And, but, yeah, I do I do remember that first 4 year term he had, and it was just it was exhausting. Maybe that was part of the part of the ploy, but there was just so much news and scandal coming out every day that it just it just really wound ground me down a little bit. So let's see how it goes this time.
Yeah. Yeah. So how do you think that he has, shown himself since his, victory? Do you think as as he do you think he's been kind of strutting his stuff and like, aren't I lovely? A little bit. Yeah. I think he I mean, in his initial speech, he did talk about healing the nation, which I found quite interesting. It does seem different this time whether whether it's just because he knows he knows the system a bit more. He knows what to expect when he gets in in office.
Mhmm. And he maybe I think he'll probably run a bit of a slicker operation and maybe not quite as not quite as, yeah, dramatic. But time will tell. You know? He's I mean, he's he's won fair play. Yeah. Now we live with the consequences, don't we? Yeah. It's gonna be quite interesting. But like I say, well, lots of ammunition to talk about stuff on this show for a while. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But but it it is. We're talking about life, aren't we? And it's real
action. It's happening right in front of us right now. I know. You know? And, I I think that the whole issue about what happens in Ukraine, will be quite relevant to what he's doing because he's he's full of, I could stop this in one day and all this kind of stuff. You know? But to whose advantage or disadvantage could it be stopped? Exactly. Well, we'll see. Yeah. Alright. Have you got a resource for the week, Sean?
No. My I think that that what I would suggest to people in terms of a resource is the idea of looking at what is your remembrance. You know, I you know, what's actually going on in in your world? And it's like I I have the remembrance of the the loss of my son, who went on my birthday, which was good. So I get this double bang each year. And, we've all got them. You know, at some
point, you lose your parents. You might lose siblings, you know, uncles, aunties, all kinds of people that were perhaps very poignant in your life. Dogs? Yeah. Dog indeed. Dogs. Yeah. Pets. Yeah. Lip and egg. Yeah. And and to me, like, a pet like that isn't an animal. It's a person. It's part of the family. Well, yeah, I said it jokingly. But, yeah, I know. I was in the bakery, the weekend, and the lady was just in front of me and, the people behind the
till, obviously, she was a regular. And they said, oh, where's your dog? Whatever. Marjorie, whatever her name was. And she burst into tears because the the dog had passed away that week. Oh. Yeah. So Oh, it's not good. Yeah. But I felt it. I felt the pain. But, Yeah. Yeah. I know loss loss can take many forms, can't they? And, so good remembrance, I guess. Yeah. And and I think the the important thing for us, especially as Brits, is that we don't just sit on it and hide it.
Yeah. You know, that we actually are are open enough to share it and let it go Yeah. Rather than than being terribly British and holding on. Yeah. I agree. I think that's important. Yeah. Alright. Cool. Cheers, Sean. Well, Okay. You take care. Keep smiling. So I'm away next week in, Denmark. I'll bring you back to Sykorok. Right. And see you in the week after. Yeah? Have a great time. Alright. Yep. Take care. See you now. Bye. Bye.