The Funniest Fireworks Names Ever

This is the JB and Sandy Show podcast. You can listen live every morning on one of three point one in Austin, or stream the show on the iHeartRadio app.

A lot of people doing their practice crackers tonight.

They're practicing with their fireworks lighting them off, which is some crackers incredibly annoying. But I stopped a fireworks stand in Lakeway the other day and I saw something, JB. You know how we've always kind of laughed about lotto tickets have funny names.

M I think firecrackers have taken the same play. Oh it's entertaining.

Yeah, going to the fireworks stand, it's very entertaining.

I mean there's some funny ones. I trotted a few of them down. I think there was one called the Whistling bunk Holes.

Not to be confused with the Freedom fart, the freedom part.

There was another one I can read my handwritt the Hunky Lighters.

That was too I thought lighters.

Monkey lighters. What about the botta being batta.

Boom, the bottle being gotta boo. That's a big one, right classic. I think it's a big one called America's middle finger. Oh that's red light boomed my pants.

Yeah, for not few small children.

But I thought it was funny.

I don't know why they would name a fire cracker this, but it was the reptile dysfunction.

Uncle Sam's hangover. Let's see. I jotted a few more down here.

The ones that were shooting off last night and the night before, I believe, were called the neighbor haters.

Neighbor haters.

What it made me do?

I did see one called hold my beer, which is perfect because that's how a lot of this starts.

To tell everybody about Terry. What do you mean Terry in the wheelchair?

Oh, my gosh, have you seen the video of Terry.

Terry is in a wheelchair and he's reaching down to to light a firework, and there's somebody next to him helping him light the firework. And as soon as it gets lit and starts sparking, Terry's wheelchair won't wear.

Oh I see Terry.

Reverse Terry and it's going off all around him. And then today I saw a post that said, man, I hope Terry's wheelchair is charged this year.

I've seen that one, can't.

I think the one they were lighting off was the tickle Twirler.

I'm not sure.

I think's worst nightmare. Have you ever seen that one?

What about the Wizard of Oy.

The Whimsical Whiz That was another funny one too. So enjoy your fireworks. I was not allowed fireworks as a small child. I had to sneak around to do it. My mom, you weren't. Oh, it was a big production.

I remember as a kid, like, you know, everybody, you'd fire them off in the street, you.

Know what I mean.

You just go out and everybody in the neighborhood would buy the big packs, you know, and everybody would just kind of do it together.

Yeah, you know, and now still.

Like like when my family gets together in Kansas, we're out at like my aunt's farm, and we go crazy out there. Like I told you, when in Kansas, my cousin takes me to go buy some we go to someone's house, the garage, and it was all fireworks.

It's like they don't mess around with it up there.

Did you ever have out on the farm the rum and candle fights like my family did.

Yeah, yeah, not so much on the farm, but as kids on the street. Yeah, you're holding it and pointing him each other, and then you know, we called them pop bottle rockets, right, because we would hold those in point them at each other.

Yeah, she would get on either side of the tank.

We'd have teams and have a Roman candle war trying to hit the other one with the firework.

I was not allowed to participate in the fireworks as a kid because my.

Mother claims claims.

That her grandfather blew off three fingers with a firecracker, and I was.

Like, she regulated to just sparklers, which is.

And then of course my dad, who's tighter, and two coats of paint. I mean, if it took a nickel to poop, he would vomit is that cheap.

He would say, you want to see.

How we made fireworks when I was a kid, And I'm like, oh boy, this ought to be good.

He goes, come here, come here, came here. We got to the garage.

He goes out in the garage, he gets this big old pile of steel wool. Right then then he takes a string and he ties it around the steel wool into a knot, so it's got about three three feet of string steel wool at the end of it. Then reaches into his pocket, pulls out his Zippo lighter, lights the steel wool on fire and then waves his hand up and down.

Like this, up and down, up and down. That was his firework.

I go, that is a New York City ghetto firework if I had ever seen one in my life. Embarrassing. He was like, you just make a bunch of those and go hang on. They got lady fingers out there. They got bottle rockets in Roman. I'm not showing up with the steel wool on the string.

Yeah.

The two lamest ones, that's pretty lame. But the two lamest ones I recall are the the little things that are like the charcoal snakes.

Oh yeah, and they stay on the sidewalk. Yeah.

And then there was you know the tank, the little cardboard tank that was supposed to self prepare.

They never moved, never wearp Yeah.

Trisha loved the chicken that laid the egg though.

It was a.

Little card word shaped chicken and it would shoot flames out of his biscuit hole. Was like, nothing says America like a chicken firework.

It's so random.

I haven't looked, and I guess I should have thought of it. But are they doing the big fireworks display at Auditorium Shores or what's the name of Auditorium Shores now.

Vic Mantea Vic Manteas. You can still say I'm sure.

I'm sure they're doing it unless someone found a reason to protest against fireworks on the fourth of July.

Who knows?

Uh Again, TikTok is at JB Sandy ATX Boy, we'd love to hit forty followers by the end of the time. Forty would be fun. Up next, Tricia's story We Love. What are you going to report the news on?

What do you have?

All right?

We have to talk about a new thing that the Leander Police Department has installed at their location for lost pets. And I think it's amazing and I want to go park and just sit and watch people do this because I think it would be hilarious.

All right, stay with us.

The story we Love coming up on Austin's eighties station one o three point.

It's the Jab and Sandy Show.

And for those of you listening to us on the iHeartRadio app, make sure you tap that follow button and allow your notifications. It's Austin's eighty station one oh three point one. Tressa's got the story we Love for us In just a second. She says, the Leander Police Department's got something cool for the lost pet.

She'll tell about it, tell us about it. In just a second.

Fun fact for everybody, the month of June was the first time in six years that Austin, Texas did not hit one hundred degrees.

Ah.

I'm going to point that out to my dad when he complains about the weather.

Cold summer he.

Spent all those years in Chicago. Those are great summers up there. If you don't get shot right, it is bad, But those summers up there are really really nice. In fact, next week, my sister and my mom are going up to Upper Michigan to a place. Oh how nice you've been there, Trisha Mackinaw Island.

Oh, Mackinaw Island. I went there with your mom, ain't your sister. It's amazing.

They don't allow any engine propelled anything on the island. You get around by bicycle, walking and horseback only. Oh cool, it's so cool and beautiful.

Aren't even like the ups and FedEx trucks. Don't they red bicycles and pull wagons behind them or something.

Yeah, there are no engine propelled anything. Lawnmowers nothing allowed on that island.

And it's the Land of Fudge.

The Land of Fudge. Yep, oh, it was so nice, beautiful. That water is freaking cold. Our daughter jumped in. We went kayaking, dump jumped in and it's like somebody shot her out of the water and she landed back in the kayak a cartoon, like a cartoon, it's so cold.

The stories we La has Portando left three. That's quite an intro.

I know it is mister Felix for that.

So the Leander Police Department has found an easier way for people who find lost pets to scan the pets and find their owners. They have installed a pet scanner

It's like that, that's very cool because what we do before go to the vet, right, yeah, I think it'll wait and take it to that They don't they're not really in that business of finding owners.

Right, So is it like an HTB when you check yourself out, you scan your own groceries, you scan the dog, And it's just that's.

What I meant imagining you.

I have no idea what it looks like, but I feel like it's a little one of those little red scanner things, and I feel like people are just look from left to right, you know, when you can't find the barcode right and you have to move it all around when you're doing a self checkout.

Just gave me an idea.

When we're not in the market for a dog right now, but eventually we will because our dog died a few years ago. Well, you know what we should do is just go sit out there and when we see one we like before they get to the scanner just wrong.

And go hey, by pew.

I I imagine just a line of people, like at the checkout at the grocery store, holding a random animal and when they get up there beep getting the information.

I don't know why.

I just think this is a brilliant device and they are going to be installing more of them throughout the city in Leander, and I just think it's such a good idea, also entertaining.

Yeah, and it doesn't tie up the police to you know what I mean. They can just scan it yourself and then contact the owner. My gosh, what else can you turn in at the police department and firehouse?

You can turn in a kid, you know what I mean?

Anything off with these guys, right, debait?

What do they call it? The Moses box? Moses Moses?

Yeah, yeah, you can just I think you just put the baby into the little like you know when you go and do a urine test at the doctor and you put the little cup in there and you spin it around.

I think it's the same thing with the baby. Just put the baby.

Yeah, weird, that'd be weird if you're just some firefighters sitting there eating, you know, King Ram's Castro'll wait for the fire to go off and all of a sudden, Holy crap, there's a baby in the.

Door, and now we have a baby.

Yeah, very strange.

That's something that Leander's doing that'll probably get copied all over the place.

Yeah, that's a slick I got it's been forever, thank goodness. But I dated a girl who's like probably five times a year would bring home a random straight Yeah.

Really, then you're on the hook to find a home for it and all this. Could you ever foster? No, but I would do it.

I would consider it because, uh, you know that we got that newer dog, Clyde, the little terrier mix, and he came from a rescue where they don't have a brick and mortar. They just they'll go down to South Texas and Mexico and bring back like a dozen dogs at a time, and they just have a foster network around Austin and then they just use social media to put the word out of what they have. That's how we found Clyde.

So would you be a foster fail, Like, would you be able to have the dog in foster and give it away? Yeah, that's the problem with me.

I think I would get too attached.

That giant chocolate lab that showed up in our yard and you wanted to keep him.

He had a collar with a name and fun number on him and everything, and Sander's like, just take the collar off, let's get I.

Was like, dude, you can't do that.

I forget. You could try it. If they're so loyal to their old home, they'll they'll run and go back.

Yeah, he was good licking.

He was a good licking You remember his name.

I don't remember his name, but I remember.

We couldn't keep him because he had the biggest biscuit hole on a dog. I've ever seen him by life. It was all you could see. I was like, there's no way we can have this dog.

Tricia could not get over the size of his butt.

He was just enormous. I just I was like, we can't do that.

And Trisa's weird about stuff like that, Like we have a dog, he's a weier dog that walks in our neighborhood.

And all Tricia will talk about is the size of his.

Junk, Like, why is it so big? He's this little wiener dog.

If he's this long, I'm holding my hands up his wiener is.

That like like that? Like it's disproportionate and it's all you can see.

You can't pick him up right, No no way to safely.

Pick him up.

This is the JB and Sandy Show podcast. You can listen live every morning on one of three point one in Austin, or stream the show on the iHeartRadio app