🍆JB Has A Purple Weiner

Jimmie.

I think anybody that was listening last week is probably curious to know how you're a massive, massive bruise from your stomach.

Like it's sounds a little bit more manly, right, Yeah, if it's.

If it's healing up and you can see it on our social media, it's it's something from a nightmare movie.

So I passed the one week mark and I still have this. It's bigger than a golf mall, maybe smaller than a baseball, but almost baseball size lump on my hip. I had a cycling accident. I was doing this gravel race in Colorado and I wiped out.

I didn't even think that much of it at the time. I mean I literally was.

Like, oh man, I kind of scraped my elbow and my knee a little bit. Then thirty minutes later, on the bike ride this I start to this mass starts to swell on my my hip, and I've I've shared some of it on social media and people are like freaking out. It's nice and everyone's everyone's an expert all of a sudden on hip contusions.

And I and I haven't known what to do.

I you know, just because people were going you should get a doctor to look at. I went to my doc. I went to a doctor. It was not my normal doctor. It was because it takes forever to get in to see her. But I went to one and she just disregarded it. She's like, here, you know, here's some here's some topical antibiotic.

See you pat on the butt, you know kind of thing.

Because I got to get to my next patient so I can build them too exactly.

And then uh, some people are like, you need to get that drained because it's still swelling. It's swollen, and I basically have a bruise from my belly button all the way around my side to my spine.

It's about four or five inches. Yeah, it looks like a belt on, like you're sitting around your waist. Yeah.

And so I've I guess I wasn't too worried about it, except everyone else seemed worried about it. And so a listener who is a cyclist recommended someone to do acupuncture. I went to this acupuncturist in Lakeway. Sweet woman. She's great. She's like, yes, I've seen this before, I can help it heal faster. I did one session with that. I did ozone therapy, Westlake ozone or Westlake Medical, I forget what it is, Westlake Medical therapy or whatever. Ozone which

And here I am sitting here now one week.

Past Saturday, and I, you know, I feel okay, but I still have this big bulb on my hip. But one of the more interesting things about it is, uh so when you have a contusion, that there's a lot of blood in the injury, right, and then it drains out and that's what looks like a bruise.

Right.

Well, mine was on my hip, and so I'm sleeping on my side, my left side because the injury is on my right hip, and so all the drain is just going down the back and down the front.

Right.

Well, what I have here, I'm just going to cut to the chase because I don't know how to sugarcoat this.

I got myself a purple weener. I'm sorry say that again.

The blood is drained down to the crotchy old area that is that's the word crotchi ol. Yeah, and I got myself a purple, a purple weener.

I almost want to say, can I see? I feel like I want to see it too.

It's full on purple. And so I'm kind of playing this card with my wife. I'm like that every day you get to hook up with and time is limited. Time this could disappear the old purple wiener because in my mind I'm reverse star Trek William Shatner. Remember how Captain Kirk was always her hooking up with different colored people from different matter, it didn't matter.

And they were rainbow, it didn't matter. And I'm like, this is your chance. What does she say? What is her reaction? But she rolls her eyes and walks away. She's tolerating me. I'll just say that she's tolerating me, but not enticed by the.

Have you thought about sending a photograph that says, are you sure?

Sometimes a photograph can achieve when my life can't really get it going you just so.

Let me ask this about it.

So clearly it started onto that at like I guess it started from the bottom up, you know what I mean, like, which is where it came from the connection, the part of the connects to just below your base started there.

I didn't.

I didn't just jump, and it's slowly, slowly turned into a prince little purple.

Yes, unit be terrified.

I feel like it's still going like, doctor, you have you have to cut this off.

What's going on? You had a good run, Wiener, You know I no one seemed too concerned of the specialists that I went to. But I don't.

I'm still trying to convince the wife like this is this is a once in a lifetime Yeah, maybe twice off. You gotta let me know because you gotta spend some time with the purple.

Time with the purple Prissia. I'm telling you this is not funny, and I'm telling you that it is funny, and we're.

Gonna let the audience decide. But we'll get to it in just a second. We're talking about a social media video that just Trisha whipping herself laughing, having to do with the Pope and a seagull.

Right, yep, the seagulls that were on top of the conclave when the white smoke came out of the chimney.

We'll get to it a minute.

Boy, we're learning a lot about the Pope, the new Pope and a short amount of time. Everyone's fired up that the Pope is an American that's from Chicago, that he's a White Sox fan. They actually have video of him at a White Sox game from years ago, and it was funny because they're doing the play by play and then you know, it's the regular baseball play by play, and then they just cut to a photo of the guy and it says a sign the new Pope with an arrow pointing at him in the stands.

It's funny.

Uh. But they're finding a lot about him, and one of the things is that his childhood home. They have found that in suburban Chicago, about thirty minutes from downtown Chicago, and it was up for sale, but as soon as they announced the new Pope, the owner took it off the market. Uh.

And people are flocking to it.

Oh my god, Catholics to go to the childhood home of a pope.

Oh yeah, big deal. Oh my god. There'll be a line around the building. Yeah.

And they're talking about the city maybe taking over making it a museum similar to the one Wow that.

They did in Gary, Indiana for the for the Jacksons. Michael Jackson, in particulating Jackson.

But we're also finding out that the Pope has a brother, which is kind of weird to think.

I don't think. I don't know why it's weird to think it is weird.

Yeah, you don't think about the Pope having siblings or anything.

They just think he was born and then he became the pope.

Right like they were born at the Vatican and just grew up there, right, yeah, right, yes.

But here is the Pope's brother talking about finding out that his brother is the Pope.

Was Ryan in bedded. My wife called him and said, white smoke, white smoke. So I turned the TV on watched the whites Man. It took him almost an hour till late and when the cardinal came out and we're all waiting and he goes and you mentioned Roberto, I knew right away, and I just it's like if I had not been in bed standing up, I might have collapsed, because it's like totally unexpected.

You know.

It's like they said the first American pope, that was a strike against him. He's young, two strikes, but he's got a lot of worldwide experience in his previous poets. Though when we were little kids, we used to I used to raise Cane to my two younger brothers all the time, but he was always the holy One and ice as we used to tease him, you're going to be pope someday.

You're too holy? What do you want to be? And you know, joking.

Really And when he went into the seminary, it's like oh wow. And then a couple of years ago when the Pope made him a cardinal, that's like this could happen.

And wow, your brothers the pope.

Yeah, he said, he's still gonna call him Bob.

How unpopular are you now at the family dinner?

No kidding? Who wants to say grace?

Oh?

I guess nobody gets to say it anymore except him?

Bob, you got anything in you for Christmas? Grace? Pick a language? Yeah? In Chicago here? How about doing it in English? Polish, I don't.

Know, Italian? Yeah? Yeah, but yeah, it's wow.

That kind of sucks being the brother of the pope though, because like you makes no matter what you do in life.

Yep, and become your brother was the pope he could Yeah, it's not enough. Do you have infallibility? No? He does? You don't?

I mean, the only people upset about this nomination of an American pope. Are probably Cubs fans, right, They're like, really, a white Sox fan is the Pope?

Yeah, come on, that's much more of a Cubs thing. Come on, I like it for the white Sox fans.

It's gonna be crazy at the stadium and stuff they're gonna I did see a funny thing on I think it was the Onion and it was the Pope Chicago style and he was in the middle of a Chicago style hot dog.

I saw a Sox fan say, you thought we were unbearable before, Yeah, we got the Pope.

Imagine if they go on to like win the World Series, Oh my god, because of the Pope.

It's yes, and there is a lot of that in baseball, very curses.

Yes, yes.

I wonder if they've made a call to the Vatican to see if he can come to Chicago and throw out a first pitch.

Oh my god, that would be amazing. That would be incredible. Cold handle the crowd.

No one draws crowds like the Pope and the Lama. Biggest crowd getters out there, the Lama. Remember I went to see the Lama in Austin. That's why we got the juju.

I was big borrowing and stealing to get a ticket into that event at the at at the Erman Center, which is no longer there. But uh yeah, I got to see the Lama and it's pretty cool.

That's when he slipped you that USB with the good juju on it.

That's and y'all used to give out the good juju to the listeners.

Yes, yeah, I forgot about the USB with the juju.

Yeah, the good juju? You have that? Did I lose that? I lost? I've got it. Okay, I've got it. Yeah. I was thinking i'd throw away something from the Lama, right, I lost track of it. Yeah, I will. Good thing, I'm here, good thing, I'm here. It's one of the few things he's kept up with over the year. That's true. That's very, very very true.

So we're gonna have this pope for a while. How old is the is the Lama? Does anyone know the Lama?

Yeah?

How old is he? I'm just thinking how long we're gonna have the Dalai Lama for I.

See or the new pope.

He's only sixty nine. We're gonna have him for a while. I'm just oh, yeah, we could have him another thirty years.

Right, I'm just wondering how long we're going to have the Dalai Lama, because then when they go looking for him, that's a whole different deal.

There's no smoke in bold of that. Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of a how old is he? Nineteen thirty five is when he was born ninety ninety? Wow? Oh he's up there. Man.

Could be imagine new pope and a new Lama in the same year. Oh wow, pretty interesting. All right, We're gonna do this again tomorrow from seven until eight o'clock. We'll get another update on Jay's purple Wiener.

You're not gonna do my seagull video?

Oh?

Your seagull thing so dumb? Should we started out? Wait?

Should we start a waiting list of people interested in my purple Wiener?

I think there's something there. Should I have an OnlyFans? Yes? You so much money you could make? You gotta shoot a lot of video right now? Yeah, a lot. I know it's not forever. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Because of this roll window of time to profit off your purple wiener.

The man with the purple Wiener, I'm gonna call it Barney because if you.

Missed it earlier in the last twenty minutes or so, grab the podcast person and understand what we're talking about.

Her funny all right, it just looked for the one. I can tell you. The title is gonna be JB's Purple Wiener.

Yeah, that's gonna be the most downloaded YEA episode.

Yeah, as it should be, right right, I try to. We're up against it, so we don't have time for your dumb seacret. I knew you recompenay my seat whole thing.

It's dumb. I'm saving you the embarrassment. I'm saving you embarrassment.

Trust me,