MasterClass

We just need to. This happens to be a very important call. I don't know what to tell you. They're already recording there. Hey, look, just just make sure that they edit this out. Okay, I'm dealing with it with a very sensitive situation. By the way, did I tell you that I lost Carlos what my pet aunt? I let him out of his Mason jar and yeah, I let him crawl on my face and he was tickling me, and and now, for the life of me, I can't

find him. And we've talked about this before. It's one of the excruciating elements of having a pet ant um. It's it's you know, I adore Carlos and obviously Baxter his family to me, but a pet ant is one of the best pets I've ever had. Remember when you thought Carlos was Lucy and Lucy was Carlos, and then you realize, yep, I had been calling, oh my god,

Lucy Carlos and Carlos Lucy. That was so funny. That's when I took them into the vet and I said, you know, I opened up the the matchbox and I said, Dr Schwartz, Carlos seems to have an ear infection. And he was like, Carlos, I think you mean Lucy. I think you mean Lucy because this is obviously a female aunt. Yeah, and I'm like, oh my goodness, egg on your face. And the ramifications of that are because that means we

had been celebrating Lucy's birthday on Carlos's birthday. And ah, it's just the ripple effect, the financial ramifications because you had put stuff in their account and joint accounts. We had to separate those. But of course the most tragic part of that day is when he said, by the way, this is Lucy, and I go, okay, we had a laugh, and he goes, However, we're gonna have to put Lucy down. And that was because I didn't here from you for a week. She had lime disease in her right antenna.

And then you know, you know, of course, how they put an aunt down. Actually don't Did you just crush it with your thumb? And I he just he kept looking at me. He goes, are you ready? Are you ready for this? And I go, well, you go. Some people like to leave the room. And I'm like, before I could say, he just crushed it with this thumb, I just was off so angry at Dr Schwartz. There has to be a more humane way. There has to

be and uh, I just said, Dr Schwartz. You He goes, if I don't do it right away, people will beg and beg, and you know, they'll drag it on forever, and then you have an aunt who's living in pain. I'm not happy. And we have to watch this lime disease that's occurring in ants, the ant population. So anyway, now, so now it's just Carlos. But now I can't find they can't find him. So what do you do with your time? You can't find Carlos. Baxter is busy. I've

put out treats all throughout the house. M little buckets of horse radish with butter scotch that usually attracts him. You'll you'll know him when you see him and give him such a hug. Um. Anyway, I'm just I'm on hold. So just why don't you just use one of the intros from from season one? Well, I don't know what to tell you. Contractually obligated to produce an entirely new episode every week, and we've already started taping, so you need to get off the phone. Yeah, but this happens

to be a very important call. We've been talking about ants for the past five minutes, so I don't know how important it could be. All right, Look, I'm doing what's called hard bawling. Okay, it's a negotiating tactic. You're right, I've just put them on hold for no reason. I mean, I did want to tell you about Carlos. I know, I'm sorry, but you know right now, I'm just letting them sweat a little bit. So so watch and watch

and learn. And I'm sorry, I said, just Anne's like, I know that they're your pets, and I know that you care about I knew you knew not a big do. Okay, watch this, watch this and learn. I'm gonna hardball. This is called hard ball. I'm gonna take them off hold. Hello. Sorry, sorry to put you on hold for so so long. There, sir, that was Stephen Dorff calling. Yeah, so you can see I have a lot of other offers to consider. What's that? Oh, we're going to Dan Tana's. In fact, that's another thing

we could cover in the class. Yes, I've got a lot of great ideas. No, I don't know when I can be reached. Uh, just to wrap this up, you you have counter bye. Bye. Okay, what was that call about? I mean, please tell me if it wasn't about the show. No, it was about something else. It has nothing to do with welcoming everybody to another episode of the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Hello, this is Ron Burgundy. We've got a great episode for you,

and and and Carolina. Did you notice how I just nailed that intro and made it a segue at the same time. It's it's called broadcast professionalism. Yeah. I have to admit that was actually pretty seamless. Yep, and I left enough space for the engineers to edit around it for the listener. It will just sound like a high energy regular opening to the show. Make sure to edit out everything that was being recorded before. I'm sorry, I just can't get my mind off of that phone call

and we can cut this out. Come on. Make up your mind. Are we doing the intro to the show or not? Why? Why are you creating all this post production work? You were just you just seemed kind of aggressive on that call, and I'm curious what you're working on. I'm in the middle of putting together a deal to one of those masterclass things. Okay, so there have you seen those? That's the thing online where experts in their

field talk to you about their knowledge. Yes, exactly, and then you forget you signed up for it, and your credit card gets charged again and you're like, wow, what did I do? Yeah, but they're really worth it. I think they've gotten some incredible people to do those from all walks of light. I know, I know Wolfgang Puck teaching culinary art, Annie Leibowitz on photography, Howard Schultz from Starbucks on business, and I think I think Marty did

one on filmmaking. Okay, can you please not do that. I'm sorry to do what the thing where people call Martin Scorsese Marty like they know him personally. I didn't even know that was a thing with Marty. Stop calling him Marty. I have the right to call him Marty. Okay, that's what his friends call him. They call him Marty. You're friends with Martin Scorsese, Okay, honestly not not best friends.

But when he calls me, I pick up the phone and I answer Hello, and he says, Hey, it's Marty, and then he usually starts talking really fast about some old foreign film and I'm like, okay, Marty slowed down. Good God. But I love that guy. He's a he's actually probably listening. Shout out to Marty. If you're listening, please tell Helen and the kids. I say, hello, Ron, how do you know Martin Scorsese? Oh? Wow, you are You are really taking me back now, Carolina, I guess.

I guess it had to be around the summer of one because I was in New York at the time. Yeah, that would be right. That's when Joe Strummer introduced me to Marty. Wait, hold on, you knew Joe Strummer. Do you know him? Yeah? He had a little band at the time, The Oh the Smash or something. Clash, and they were called the Clash. Yes, I know who Joe Strummer is. I'm just surprised you do. Well. I knew him well, nice guy, but he did screw me on

a news story one time. I I remember I was doing a piece on how a venue called Bonds Casino had oversold a bunch of concert tickets for Joe's goofy punk band. They were a really good band, run they were called the Clash. Anyway, I went down to the venue looking for ryots and violence and a bunch of young, dangerous punk rockers, kids with spiked hair throwing bricks around and telling their parents to put it with a sun don't shine. It was. It was going to be a

sizzler for the news that night. Me guess that's not what happened. No, not at all. Good guests. Yeah, it was all very peaceful and boring because Joe Strummer and his band, which for some reason these weird kids wanted to see, agreed to play extra shows for every kid who bought a ticket, which was a stand up thing to do. But if it were me, I would have said, tough luck, punkers. You know, this is sort of a legendary story in rock history. Well, it was a terrible

news story that night. I'm sorry. How did we get on this topic? All right? You were questioning whether or not I Ron Burgundy was close enough friends with Martin Scorsese to call him Marty. I just find it a little surprising that you were part of such a specific moment in pop culture history. If you haven't figured it out by now, Ron Burgundy is full of surprises. Okay, And if you don't believe me, you can ask who Martin? Marty.

We can just record the intro to the show, please, if we can just get that going, that master class people will be calling back soon with their final offer. Actually, we're running short on time and we want to get the ads recorded. You ran out last time, so they're suggesting we just do those first. Alright, alright, alright, fair enough, Let's do an ad break and then I'll get a little drunk, have some eggs, and we can get back in the booth. Back here on the Run Burgundy Podcast.

Very excited to talk with our guest today, Lynda Evans. We are going to talk about her work on the television show Dynasty, and she has a few choice words for her ex husband Yanni Um, wait, that's next week's episode. Run. Oh well, what are we going to do for today's show? Let me give the audience a free master class lesson. Don't worry. We actually have a great guest one I think you'll love. It's tarn Edgerton from Rocket Man. Wow. Are you are you serious? Carolina? That's a big guest.

He's in the car now on his way of the studio. Oh, that's fantastic. We're gonna talk to rocket Man. Wow. There's so many questions for Taragon. Da mommy, Taron Edgerton? Wait, aren't you guys friends? Didn't you help promote rocket Man? Very good friends? Yes, I've we've mentioned Rocketman multiple times

here on the podcast. You know, just it. It's the movie of the decade, Yeah, the millennium and uh and yes, I was paid a side fee to occasionally mentioned rocket Man, but we talked about no under the table payments this year. Tarragon and I are become quite close. Wait, if you're so close, why can't you pronounce his name? I'm just I don't want to bug him, and I'm just I'm embarrassed to um ask what the real pronunciation of his name is. It's you can, I can tell you it's

Taron Edgerton. Okay, well, that's one of the things we can dive into. I'll just say when we ass down, I'll say, for our listeners, can you tell us how you pronounce your name? I think he'll probably just say it's Taron Edgerton, just so you know what to expect. Okay, we'll see state. And you know I've seen Rocket Man seventeen times. I legitimately enjoyed it. I didn't full musical, yes, full on musical. Okay, before he gets here, I'll do

a quick distilled version of my master class for our listeners. Um, this one's This one's on the house, folks, if you're listening. Actually, Carolina, is there anyway we can we can send all of our podcast listeners a bill for one thousand Uh you know what? No, no, no, never mind, Okay that that that would take. I don't know how we get people's addresses. Yeah, so this one's on the house. I have to say, I'm skeptical at the idea of you doing one of

these master class things. Why would you be skeptical? You know, sometimes I think you and I are getting too close, Carolina. Sometimes I think you forget your dog into round Burgundy. I know I'm always painfully aware of who I'm talking to. I can just picture your master class. I mean, you really have had quite an interesting life. Your expertise as newsman is invaluable. But that's that's kind of you to say.

But but no, I am not doing a masterclass about any of that, nothing about me or my broadcasting career. I'm sorry, I don't understand. That would be ridiculous that those are trade secret scrolina. The amount of money they would have to pay me to give up all that stuff, I don't think I can count that high. Wait, if you're not going to teach a master class about broadcasting, what's the class about? What is this for giving a home massage? A Ron Burgundy master class on giving a

home massage? Run? How are you going to fill out whatever it is lessons on giving a home massage? Well, first off, twenty lessons is very limiting. I think we're going to need at least fifty lessons for me to properly do a master class on the art of the home massage. It can't be that complicated. Well, you've never had the pleasure of receiving a home massage from ron Burg. Alright, Nick, if you can give me my masterclass music, please? Thank you. Nick.

Folks at home, have you ever wanted to start a massage business and be a traveling salesman. I don't blame you. It makes sense you want to touch your neighbors and get paid for it. But I think you need to know a few things first, Carolina, how is it so far? It's it's good, right, I don't know. I'm I'm I'm

still listening. I'll take that as a compliment. All right. Now, some of you might say, hey, Ron, starting a home massage service during the pandemic is a bad idea, And to that I say, maybe, yes, you you might have to go knock down some doors. And when I say knocked down some doors, I mean literally knock those down. You you break into some homes and you just walk in with your arms up and you say, hey, I mean no harm, but I need to come in and

give you a massage. And nine times out of ten it doesn't work, and it can get kind of sticky, actually, But one out of ten you meet a real crazy person who let a trespasser give them a home massage and then do you know what, you have a client, that's called a client. Now, to be a good massus, you need to know the names of all the human

body joints, muscle groups, ligaments, and body tissues. So so you have your head, your face, your neck, um, then moving down your your chest, bone, your your chest, chest, upper back, grower back, uh, tummy Are you getting this? Yeah? I know all these body parts. And always remember a little guy that I use milk milk lemonade. Um, that's helpful with massages, just to remind me what areas milk milk elimonade. But then the dingles and the underwear zones

are off limits. All right, let's make that clear. We run a classy joint. I have a motto for my home massage business and it's you'll feel like you've got a happy ending. Right it sounds suspicious. Now, one thing is very important tipping. A lot of customers don't do it. Yeah, I hate that. I hate bad tippers. It's so rude. It's it's rude is the right word. It is extremely rude because you're just a mom and pop you know business. Yeah,

you're counting on your tips. So what I do um to head that off and you know it also eliminates embarrassment. I include at added gratuity with every bill. You just make people pay you tip. Yes, uh, it makes it easier and I don't know why people don't do that more. Wait, when is a tear and edge in getting here? Didn't you say he was coming? Yeah, he's actually here, he's in the waiting room. We should tell him to come in. Okay, great, we have a little more time for my masterclass. Now.

Another thing I get a lot is people ringing on my doorbell in the middle of the night saying, Ron, what do you wear when you're giving a massage? And I always tell them, good Heaven, just wear something that you're comfortable in, you know. So for you Carolina, that would probably be what cargo shorts, a piano key, necktie, and I don't know, maybe a little fuzzy tangle hat. Okay,

what do you wear? Kashmir turtleneck? Alright, some nice wool pants, comfortable shoes, that's important, and a ski mask so I don't sweat on them. So what do you do if someone hates your massage? Have you ever gotten about review? What? Who told you to ask? That? Was it that? Lisa P? For me. Help Lisa, if you're listing. I read what you wrote in your Yelp review, and I just want to set the record straight. I lit a match after

I took a near bathroom. It shouldn't have smelled that bad. Okay, And if you can't in toilets anymore, well that's news to me. Wait, that's a That's another thing I'd like to share with my masterclass. You can in any toilet you see, it's a client's toilet. Who cares take your time? I bring a book in case I have to take it. You can't make your client feel comfortable if you're uncomfortable. Someone left you a yelped comments saying that you took

a in their bathroom. Yes, but she loved the massage, loved it. It was still a five star review. I don't think I would love one of your massages. I have to be honest. Oh, you would be comfortable, but you're you're never getting one though, never. I don't we I don't want you to give me a home massage, but why wouldn't you give me a homeless first? You have a proper home massage. You need to have a home and everyone here knows that you've been living out

of your car for the last month. What I have, no, I live in my apartment. Wait, you're you're telling me you're not homeless. I'm not. If I was, that would be awful, and I feel for people in that situation, I see right, So, so as an empathetic gesture, you dress like a homeless person. You know what, Carolina, that's terrible.

What you're doing is called virtue signaling. Instead of spending all that time and money to look like a homeless person, why don't you actually give the money to the homeless first. I'm wearing regular, normal, clean clothes. Also, when did you learn about the concept of virtue signaling? If you must know? Sia taught me about virtue signaling, and and I know it when I see it. Um, she's my ex girlfriend.

I remember we were in love. Yes, we If you thought I was homeless, why wouldn't you have wanted to help me? You know, you got to pick yourself up by your bootstraps, you know. Okay, had you told me it was kind of an educated guess. But had you as you said, Hey, Ron, by the way, I don't know if you notice I'm homeless, I'd be like oh, Carolina, let me give you a bag of carrots and some coupon I have for a goodwill. I would have helped

you immediately in a positive impactful way. Hold on just one second, can we let's just record the intro because I am excited to talk with Tarragon Adam, Mom, I'm just gonna call him rocket Man, and that way I don't have to worry about it. Are we are? We rolling? Guess? Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Ron Burgundy Podcast. As always, I'm joined by Carolina, who glory be to God, is not homeless, does not sleep in her car. Today on the show, we talked to rocket

Man in Okay, okay, we got the intro. Uh, master Class lawyers are calling back. Let me let me just close this deal. This is wrong. Whoa hello, Marty? What the hell? Man? How's it going? Hey? I'm I'm actually taping my podcast right now. Do you mind if we put you on the air? Okay, I understand, I won't. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't know why I asked. I thought it might be fun. Yes, I've been talking to the master Class people, I see, so that's their

final offer them. Gosh, Marty, I gotta ask you, as a friend, do you think I should take it? Okay, Well, it's not gonna be about any of that. It's just it's gonna be about giving a home massage. I think fifty lessons, Hey, one other thing while I have you. It's cool that I call you Marty, right, Okay, thanks for calling hey. Say hi to Helen you too, oh, Martin Scorsese. Yes, And for the record, he said, of

course I can call him Marty. Um. But the Masterclass people called him and said I was being difficult and closing the deal. Okay, so are you going to do it? I don't know. I have to sleep on it. I think what I'll do is I'll head home, I'll call up and get a home massage and really think it through. It'd be a shame not to share my knowledge of home massage through Masterclass. Um. I do want to get paid what I'm worth, though, I mean, how far apart

are you and the Masterclass people on negotiations. Well, they are offering me nothing and saying if I want to record one, it will be on my dime, and and I can't use their brand. So it's been tough, is Rocketman? Here. We should really call him Taren. Okay, but about that, we're running out of studio time. They need to set up to record the next show, and Taren is waiting for an uber outside. I'm sorry, So I'm not going to talk to tarign at a mommy today about the

process of filming Rocketman. Sorry, not today. What are we going to release as an episode? I talked to my heart and they assured me they'll be able to put something together. Oh so it'll be a rerun, Yeah, a rerun probably. We just need you to record an outra and we're done. Oh okay, okay, I'm just clearing my voice. Yeah yeah, uh yeah. Well that's it. We'll see you next time on the Run Burgundy Podcast with our guest rocket Man from the movie rocket Man. As always, thanks

for listening to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Okay, I better call the masterclass people. Back to what just I just feel like I left it open ended and maybe I can maybe I can think of another I don't know, Maybe I should talk about my career and journalism, something that's, you know, that I'm more known for. Even though I feel like if I could teach a masterclass of home massage I would start to get more known for home massage, the art of home massage, than for anything I've done

in the journalism world. That's how confident I am in my abilities as a as a the susy. That's where my head is at. But you know what, maybe I do this. Maybe I I'm just thinking a yeah, maybe I do. Okay, Hey, master class, ho about if Ron Burgundy talks about his life from Times and journalism and how to be a journalist, and then I slip in home massage. Lesson three? Yeah, lesson three. I just go

right to home massage and then a Trojan horse. Yes, ah, thank you Caroline for helping we solve that and one other thing. Yeah, just so we're clear, I will never give you a homelessage. Okay, Okay, you will learn how to give one if you pay for my master class, but you'll you'll never have the pleasure of a Ron Burgundy homelessage, you know what. Okay, I think it's just it's professional. We don't want to blur the lot. Did we did we go off the air? I'm I think

we're recording. Okay, you you weren't supposed to listen to any of that. This is Ron Burgundy once again saying hey, this is in England. Make sure you drive on the right side of the road. Thank you. The Ron Burgundy Podcast is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm Ron Burgundy. The host, writer and executive producer Carolina Barlow is my co host, writer and producer. Our producer is Nick Stunt. Our talent coordinator is Anna Hosnyan writers are Andrew Steele

and Jake Vocalist. This episode was engineered, mixed and edited by Nick Stunt. Until next time, This is Ron Burgundy. All w