Female Astronaut

and now we're here. We're actually just renewed for a third season. We talked to my heart, we negotiated another contract and here we are. So there was just for our listeners, there was no crisis. Well okay, that's the cliff Notes version, which completely discounts the people's revolution. But yes, uh please welcome back my co host Carolina. Everyone, let's hear it for Carolina. Okay, yeah, thank you, thank you. Happy to be back, happy to be back, and I'm

happy to have you back. I am, and I do not regret for a second that I chose you as my co host again, despite our mostly contentious relationship. Wait, so you don't regret bringing me back, or you do. I do. Yes, I don't very happy you're here, and we're definitely not waiting to hear on Angie Harmon's availability. Wait what, it's just we we reached out to her to see if she could. It doesn't matter, Okay, I'm just going to pretend it didn't hear that you said

to me that you had an announcement for season three. Yes, this maybe the season that I find el you v love. That's right. I don't know. I don't want to give it away, but yeah, I am tired of making love too many women, balancing schedules, trying to remember fifteen names and even more phone numbers. And I can't even enjoy a dinner party with some of my closest male friends without having one of their wives jump me in the

laund room and put me in their hamper. Okay, I don't know if that's sexual or like a hostage situation. I also haven't had time to eat. Yep, you guessed it. Too much love making, too much, too much kissing, you know. And I don't like to eat big meals before love making. I think that's common when I'm at Chipotle gearing up for a time with one of my dates, I usually turned to a burrito bowl instead of just a burrito.

Taking the tortilla out is my diet secret. Interesting. Yes, I've dropped fifteen pounds scaredline from switching to the Chippotle burrita bowl. It still has like sour cream and avocado, and so my goal for this season is to lose weight with Chipotle's burrito bold diet and defined love. Well, that might be harder than you expect. Well, it's simple. I'd like to meet two nice women and start a relationship with him. Okay, I want no more drama. Mary J. Blige,

I mean unless you're into polyamory. What what what was that word, Mama's spaghetti. No, I said polyamory. Oh sorry, I thought we were going to talk about Eminem's performance at the Oscars, which was honestly completely expected. I predicted it. So polyamory is when you're romantically involved with multiple people at once. It's a state or a philosophy. Carolina, I hate to break it to you, but that's called dating. Well, no, it's different. Some polyamorousts are married and date people on

the side. That's just called marriage. Okay, Well, all I'm saying is, maybe find a nice lady who you respect and admire and reach out to her, and then and then see what happens. Before you know, you try to introduce her to someone else you're dating. That's good, that's real good. Hide them from each other, honest to that. Then after a few months, maybe during a romantic outing, reveal that there is someone else. No, no, that's not what I'm trying to say. In the meantime, our guest

today is my new girlfriend, Lisa. No. No, we're going to interview Jonathan Franz and today, the novelist. It took me like six months to schedule. I canceled him. Yeah, last night I called his house at eleven PM and I said, it's not gonna happen Johnny, and I hung up. Run why would you do that? I'll tell you why. I recently started finding outer space interesting. I've I've recently heard that space last forever. Think about that. Also, that we are on a round blue, greenish white. Oh, how

would you describe our Earth, Carolina? It's a planet, No, something more catchy, you know, modern vernacular. Earth is the planet we live on. Okay, why don't you work on that. Today's episode is on outer space? Do we have too much of it? How much should it cost? How high is it? But also how low is it? And later we'll be meeting with an astronaut. So I don't get the connection between this and your love life. And the guest is my girlfriend, Lisa, and she's an astronaut. She's

an astronaut, full on astronaut. Where did you meet an astronaut? She happens to have studied at the NASA Training Facility in Houston, Texas, where she completed candidate training in two thousand fourteen. And guess what Caroline, out of a class of eighty applicants guests who graduated top of her class?

She did. She graduated top of her class. She even served as a flight engineer on Expedition three seven two to nine, six four eight, five eleven DASH Alpha Bravo Dash E four seven DASH Jim and I I was just curious, you want to look that up just to double check my work? Yeah, and that was that was an expedition to guess where the space station outer space? So she's an astronaut. I wasn't happy to get a copy of her driver's license if you want to check

that too. I'm just curious, where did you meet an astronaut? Where did I meet an astronaut? My girlfriend Lisa? Yeah, where did you meet her? In a shop? In the shop, Yes, in a shop in a strip mall got it? You want me to draw you a map. I'm not trying to give you the third degree or anything. I really thought I was asking a simple question. Don't you mean the fifth degree? No, it's the third degree. I think you might be thinking of the fifth element. Oh yep,

that's what I was thinking of. Yes, okay. Anyway, so after you guys met in the shop, Yes, then we went on one date, just one. I'm not a cat, so I didn't try to, you know, sleep with her. No, no, no, I didn't try to pay for dinner. I didn't pay for dinner. I didn't want to offend her. She said, I think we can both get this. That's really generous of her. And then I winked at her and I said,

how about I get it next time? You know, she works for NASA, so she's pulling down some major coin and I'm I'm stuck in the USS bunker with you after day. Well, it's sinking to the bottom of the ocean. I might be dramatic, but just bolt us in, send us to our deaths. Anyway, she left our way to a great tip, which led me to believe that I may be dating a very classy astrona lady. So, since she paid for this meal, where are you going to take her next? Oh? God? Great question is is dippin'

dots still around? That's cheap right? Well? Yeah, I mean it's like a space ice cream, you know. Yeah, you know what, give me a reservation for eight pm tomorrow night at the closest dippin Dots. So for today, do you have any specific questions about space? You want to ask her? For our listeners? Yeah? Yeah, of course yes. I wrote a few of them down on this legal pad here. Let me see, yes, all right, Um, what does NASSA stand for? Oh that's a good. Well, that's

a great question. I actually know what it stands for. It stands for the National Yeah, I think I'll ask the astronaut. But thanks, it's this card. I noticed that you have blue bags under your eyes. You look so tired. Do you think you have an iron deficiency? Is this a real question? You're gonna you can't ask her that. Yeah, well, I'm interested to hear more about that because I have an iron deficiency, and I think a lot of our

listeners have hired deficiencies. Nothing wrong with that. You should never tell a woman she looks tired, well, what am I supposed to say when she's good? I mean that's like saying you should never tell a woman with a large stomach that they look pregnant. You should never tell a woman with large You shouldn't like never ever. Okay, you I have seen you, because you know me, I'm an open book. I always walk in, you know, scour

the room. Excuse me, pregnant six months? Let me guess I've personally seen you do this, or you look like you're having twins. Still, Yeah, you've got to be really careful. I think people appreciate the odesty kind of address the elephant in the room. So read the next she's oh my god, Ron, you can't ask her these questions. What goes on down there? When you're all the way up there, you've only been on one day? Shut up, shut up. She's here, she's here. Look look out the window. Oh

my god, Wow, she's so pretty. She really is? Does she know she's here super early. Alright, gotta get ready, pass me my comb. Okay, you know your hair looks great. Wait, oh my gosh, now it looks really good. You really do know how to grown. And she'd probably get my pants on. You're not wearing pants when my legs are sitting under the table. No, do you wear shoes to bed? God, I'm a little jittery. I just want a nice step

mom for my son. You literally never talked about your son. Oh, Lisa, Hey, Hi, why do you go ahead and have a seat right there? Welcome, Welcome to the party. I am Carolina co host. Nice to meet you. Say you're the one. Yeah, okay, okay, let's take a commercial break. We'll be right back with the Ron Burgundy Podcast. My astronaut girlfriend Lisa needs a kiss, and Carolina is getting a little cranky. Not Welcome back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Today's episode is on outer space.

Neil Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Buzz Aldrin, Kevin Bacon. These are some of the most famous astronauts of all time. Well, I think there's some confusion because Kevin Bacon played an astronaut in a movie, so did Sandra boul look in a different movie. Yes, and they're famous. Yeah, okay, I see weak man. Let's just move on. But today I am joined by Lisa, my girlfriend, who is out of this world cool. She's been in outer space. Ron, we've been on one date. One. I mean, that doesn't really

make his boyfriend and girlfriend yet? Ron? Why are you shuffling in your seat like that? Are you scooting? Are you excited? I'm not. I have to pee. I got excited and held it. Okay, Ron, just go pee? Okay, thanks, we can cut this. Hi, Hi, thanks, thank you so much for doing this. It's so amazing to meet an actual astronaut. Thanks. Yeah, it's it's awesome. How's it going with Ron? He's so much better than my ex? Oh? Good to year? Is that an over? Sure? No? No,

that's totally fine. Yeah he was a psycho. I almost killed him. Girl talk, girl talk? What were you guys talking about? Where you buy your wigs? Ron? What were you going to say? What about? Just now? You were talking about your ex? And what? What? Sorry? Never mind? Okay, Ron, why don't you ask Lisa one of your space questions? Oh? Sure, yes, good idea? Okay, Lisa, who shot the moon landing, Stanley Kubrick or the director mcg no ron that was real.

The moon landing was real. It's a common conspiracy theory. Um, Lisa, I want to ask you. I'm curious about floating water in space. Is that a real phenomenon? Yes, that's actually one of my favorite tidbits. Astronomers have found a massive water vapor cloud which holds one and forty trillion times the massive water in the Earth's oceans. It's about ten billion light years away. Sounds like how long it takes Carolina to grab me a coffee in billion light years? Okay, yeah, Bixter, Well,

at least he's not a cheater. What the only thing I've ever cheated on is my diet? Sorry, he was a cheater, so I'm sorry. Ah, Okay, it's okay. People have you don't have to be a first boyfriend. Okay, let's let me just take a knee here for a second. Just let this moment pass. Didn't anticipate that piece of informacione than Um. All right, you know what, do you actually have coffee here? Yeah? Okay, yeah we do. If you just leave the room and there's a pod thing,

if you just make a right, Okay, great? Thanks? Who are a bit of a gut punch. I'm not gonna lie to you U. But hey, other than that, what do you think? Right? She's great? Do you want her to be your mommy? Know what? No, she's not going to be my mommy. If you guys date, no, I know. But but if you could choose a new mommy, wouldn't you want it to be her? Lisa the astronaut? That astronaut. No, she seems a little dark, maybe a little um obsessed with her ax? No, no, no, I believe me. Tell

me about a girlfriend. But I just you know, I tuned her out when she starts talking about him. That's what I was doing there at least fresh hot coffee. Oh yeah, delicious. So any more space questions? How was your experience up there? You know, when you when you went in your your shiny rocket ship? Did something? Did something happen? Lisa? Nothing? No, everything's fine. I don't have to pee either either. You're cookie. Gotta love you? Sorry?

Can you just tell me what happened with your ex? Carolina? Why is wrong with you? Where is that music coming from my chest? I'm so sorry, guys, that's actually my daughter playing Magilla. Don't. I'm sorry. Oh that's okay. She sounds great. Nick, You've got a talented kid. I'm leaving. You make me sick. Carolina, what Lisa? I warned you about this? Why are you acting so surprised? I said.

Everyone at the studio is nice, but Carolina may try to pry into your personal life, and she'll make you sick. I'm sorry. There were just so many teases about your past. It just felt like you wanted to talk about. Yes, I was an astronaut, a brilliant astronaut, the likes of which you've never seen. But while I was up there looking at the moon and the planets and all that, my husband was cheating on me. I'm so sorry. So when I found out, I did what any normal woman

would do. Are you the astronaut who wore the diapers? I bought a wig and a trench coat and disguised myself sexiest staff And then I put on my Space diapers and I drove nine miles before getting pulled over by authorities. And I never thought i'd find love again. And then you met me. No, I met this other guy who was great, but he broke up with me when he saw my space diapers. And then Ron and I met at the silver ware shop and it just felt right. Yeah. I was at the silver ware shop

looking for an oyster fork. It's what Baxter uses to eat spaghetti. Got it. It's now becoming clear to me that this is never going to work out. Hold hold on, hold on, listen. This makes sound crazy, but I don't judge a thing. Just so you know, Lisa, I mean, we've we've all taken a road trip in a diaper seeking revenge. Oh no, I haven't done that. I've never

done that. Okay, well hold on. Let me clarify that people who date regularly have got it, Lisa, Can I ask, I'm sorry to ask, are you wearing a diaper right now? What do you think? All right, she's aating in her shorts. I can hear it dripping onto the carpet. Yep, I recognize your in shorts anywhere. So you're not wearing a diaper. We got it? Nick, can we cut to a commercial and we'll be right back. Welcome back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. I honestly think today went very well. You

do a great normal start to season three. Nothing weird happened, and I may have found love. I truly think that I'm I am not delusional. I am what they call in the medical profession, a stable genius. I'm sorry you think today went well, Yes, I really do. You met my girlfriend and we both got to know a little more about her. It was easy, peasy. I don't think she ever was your girlfriend. I'm going to be honest with you, and I think if she was, I think I think it's over. I think I just lost your

train of thought. So when security was carrying her out right, she screamed, and I repeat, she screamed, never contact me again. Go to a different silver ware shop. Well that is crazy. That is crazy because there is one good silverware shop in all of San Diego, and that's fork It up right on the corner of Bernwood Street. So if she thinks I'm going anywhere else, she's really messed up. Yeah, she she is. Listen, If she doesn't want to see me again, that that may be a red flag for me.

I may have to break up with her, you know what. You may have to call her and tell her. I think we should take some time off. Do you mind, You don't mind? Yeah, I'll handle it. Oh my goodness, that would be great. And I still believe season three will be this season I find love. Sure you don't believe that, No I do. I do you? You don't

look like you believe it. But but then again, your face always looks sort of grimacing like that, like you like you just saw something horrible, like two feral dogs fighting over a toddler's dress. You my face is completely neutral anyway. If I don't find love this season, no, I'll find love. Absolutely, it'll happen. I can't believe I doubted myself even for a second. Just please don't fall in love with all of our guests. You know what now, I I won't fall in love with any of our guests.

These will be women in the outside world, women I meet in silverware shops, mirror stores, outside by that truck that sells black market ivory combs. I don't want to know about that. And then I'll bring them into the studio so the audience can go on this ride with me. And I won't bring someone in every week. That's the mistake I made today. But this season and I will meet the woman I am going to marry In the meantime.

I'd love if we could focus on our episodes topic. Well, I think we learned a lot about outer space today, you do. I mean we didn't even talk about stars or you know the controversy over Pluto. I'm still speaking, thank you. Okay. To learn more about space, please visit Google dot com and type in a question. That's the website I used to learn more about space. You can type in other stuff too. They're the best. They're absolutely the best. They read a first class operation there. Or

you can also watch the movie Rocket Man. I think that's the Elton John biopic starring Taran ed Edgerton. Okay, The Edge nicknamed The Edge. I think that movie came out last year in May May. I sure did. Do you have a promo deal with them, tarn Edgerson. Rocketman brought to you by Paramount Pictures Viacom Company. You really should include us all in those sales. You can't do under the table. One. Whenever I go to see a movie, I see a movie by Paramount Pictures. Dune, Dune, Dune,

Dun Dune, Paramount number one in movie makings. It's rocket Man. In theaters, we have a commercial break for this reason. That's my man. Tear An Edgeton, thank you as always for listening, and I love you, Hm. I love you all. It's true. I love you, not just say that anything you want to say, Carolina, I love you too. I love our listeners. I love you, But do you mean it the way I mean it? Well, that's hard to say.

I don't know. I saw you once say I love you too, because I get a get a mental image of every single one of our listeners when I say I love you, HM, all the all the cartoon faces. When I have a mental limit, when I picture all of our listeners, it's pretty much the cast of Peanuts. Peanuts cartoons. Yeah, I can see that. Well, then I love you. I'm featuring every member. Well it's a it's settled. We love you, Thank you. Got you next time on

the Iron Burgundy podcast. Tell all your friends and neighbors to listen.