Dating Game

save a life your own. I have to say everything is going great with me, As some listeners may know, I'm in a beautiful and philosophically rewarding relationship with the singer songwriter Sia Carolina. Did you hear that? Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, being a famous, world renowned news anchor is one thing, but dating another celebrity, you know, another artist late nights painting, writing songs. Not to mention all of

our friends or artists. So so we're able to host salons, you know, like I mean F Scott and Zelda and Ernest Hemingway, Stephen Dorff. So you've hung out with f. Scott Fitzgerald, wasn't he way before your time? No, we we haven't hung out, and yes, he he passed away before my parents were born, but we're also very close. It's an amazing community of brilliant artists, and it's a very beautiful but competitive group of friends. I mean, as magical as the artist's life is, there's a lot of

pressure on our relationship. See and I will have passionate fights over music, and sometimes she she doesn't let me play jazz flute over some of her tracks. It's it's confusing. Anyway, You're lucky, Carolina. You'll you'll never have to worry about being in this crowd. I I'll never have to worry about being famous. Yes, it's so much better the way you have it now, completely anonymous. Oh, I'm sorry, I need to take this. Wait, we're in the middle of

the show. You're supposed to leave your phone off. Hello? Hi? Yeah? Yeah? Oh do you want me to uh to put this on speaker? Wait? Is this real money? It's me pup stars. What are you up to? Oh my god, Carolinia me. I'm just hanging out in the podcast booth with Nick, our sound guy, and some other people. I'm the only other person I wanted to say hi before I got

on stage. I'm in Berlin. Oh wow, I am I miss you so much and just a friendly reminder that you're the love of my life and I'm longing for your presence and I sleep with one of your wigs on my pillow next to me. Who sorry, breaking breaking up? We're breaking up? No no, no, no no no, Sea, give me a chance. What are you talking about? We did we did talk this through. I think she just means hello hello hello hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello,

hello hello hello. I think this place has bad reception. See if you can hear me, so any word. I'm just gonna hold my phone up to the ceiling and maybe I'll get more bars. Run, get down from that chair. It's on her end. She must have lost service or maybe her phone died. I don't know. Does this window over run? Stop? You're gonna fall out the window, Nick, I need someone to help pull him back in. I just need to hold my phone closer to the sun. Run.

Oh my god, everything is totally fine. Calls drop all the time. You have terrible service at your house. That's why we always lose each other on call, Carolina, I have amazing cell service at my house. Okay, when we're on the phone, well, sometimes your voice begins to grade on me. So I put the phone down and and I just go on with my day. That's incredibly rude. And I can't believe I didn't assume that was I can't believe Cia left me for a model in Berlin.

You don't know that. I mean, you're just making that up, your paranoid. A lot of people feel that way when they're falling in love. Have you ever seen a European model, Carolina. You won't find them in your Eileen Fisher catalogs. They're gorgeous, like Helen of Troy. These models have booties that can launch one thousand ships. That phrase a little bit. Well, you fumbled your hair this morning. And I guess we won't know what will happen between me and Sia, but

let me tell you this. If I get heartbroken, I'm gonna lose it. All right, We'll see what happens. My phone is broken. I mean, that's the only explanation you'll You'll have to get me another phone. I have gotten you five phones over five days. She always ends up reaching out. We've spent over three thousand dollars. It's it's not I promise it's not your phone. Can you try calling my phone? It's being so strange. I really hope she's not trying to call me. I promise you every

person goes through this when they're dating someone they really like. Caroline, is she breaking up with me? Just just give it to me straight. Run. Look, I'm gonna call her and tell her how much I love her. And maybe if I tell her I have an incurable disease, she'll give me a few more days. Or or maybe I could ask her to marry me. I'm truly not prepared, but I will do it if it buys me another month.

You know what, Go pick up a fake engagement ring, uh down in Chinatown, tops a fake one for that's that's my high end of my budget. I can't afford a real diamond right now. I spent I spent too much on the phones and computer. You got a new computer. I thought maybe she sent me an email, but she didn't. It took three computers for me to find that out. Run. I just enjoy this time. You're happy and in love

with an amazing woman. There are no problems. Maybe if you act calm, you know, act your way into write thinking, you start to feel cold. Alright, alright, alright, all, all alright it's all good. I'm chill. I don't. Don't I sound like whatever about it all? You sound so insane. No, I'm chilling, I'm not worried. I'm not panicked. Quick question. Is it an intrusion of privacy if I hire someone to put a bug on her phone? I don't want

to be lame. That would be not even lame. That's illegal. Alright, alright, no bugs, no bugs. Just hire someone to follow her around and take pictures to make sure she hasn't met anyone super handsome and wonderful. Do we trust diplow? No, no, we don't. But she's at work. Do you want her to bother you at work? I don't give. She could kidnap me and take me out of the shoal and I'd never look back. I guess I shouldn't have asked. Gosh almighty, this love stuff, it really takes it out

of you. You know it? It's worth it? I don't know. I mean I'm single, Yes, I know? Yes, what my friend? What We're going to fix that today? Ah, We're gonna cure that. We're gonna cure your singleness and most importantly, your awful, pathetic loneliness. You'll be thinking your lucky stars after today's episode. What did you do? Folks? Welcome to the Dating Game? What what is this? Don't please don't ruin my introduction with a question like, uh, that's I mean,

that's what you just sounded like. Don't sound like that. On the Dating Game, our contestant Carolina Barlow will be asking questions from three faceless bachelors, and then she'll choose the one she will marry on the show today. No one, I'm not going to marry someone on the show today. Ratings, Carolina. Come on, you wouldn't get married for ratings. Okay, well, we'll have to improvise something because we gotta get those downloads, sister.

I'll go on a date with one of them and stay tuned for who that winner or loser, depending on how you think about it, will be. Carolina, just marry one of these guys. Are get my heart off my turn off your mic because they are up my pat They're way up there. Only my lower at testing right, And we're back this special episode of the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Today, I'm your host on a special edition of the Dating Game. Carolina, why don't you introduce yourself? Um? Okay, my name is Carolina.

I am a co host of this podcast. No no, no, no no no. I mean you know your home life hobbies. Come on, I like to stay at my house. I work a lot. I hang out with my God, which is why we are here to help her. Carolina. Behind this divider, there are three bachelors. Contestants. Introduce yourselves. Batchelor number one. What's up? I'm Tim Timmy, Timmy wants to Winnie. Bachelor number two? Hi? Nice? Are those two people speaking at once? None of your business, Let's keep going. Bachelor

number three, Hi, I'm Greg with Doberman and Doberman Insurance. Okay, you know what what I said? Greg, No details. So Bachelor number three is an insurance salesman from Doberman and Doberman from Doberman and Doberman. Yes, very reputable insurance company. Let's keep it moving, Carolina, why don't you ask your first question? Okay, Bachelor number on, what do you like to do on a night off? Great question? I know the answer she's looking for. Um, Beth, Jay is actually

having some people over tonight. If you wanted to come, Oh, is this a friend of yours? Yeah, and it'd be great, if you could bring some alcohol, maybe pick them up before you know. Okay, okay, enough enough out of you. Batchel number one, you're already planning a date Bachelor Too. Same question, Um, we would love to take you to

our parents house. Are those those are? Ron? I think I've told you before that I didn't want to date some Okay, Carolina, they're not siblings, all right, they're twins. Every girl's dream. No, and they speak out together at once. They certainly do. That's the way twin stock. Okay, goodbye, Bachelor Too. And two, Sorry Carolina doesn't like to party. I'll take a pick with you two later. Alright, by bye bye guys. Well, I have a feeling you're going

to regret that, Carolina. Okay, Batchel number three, same question, what do you like to do to get off? No, that wasn't. The question was what do you like to do on a night off? That's what I said. Well, there's no night off when it comes to insurance. If you ever need anything, whether it be your basement has flooded at two am, or if your neighbor slipped on your sidewalk and is trying to suit you for an

exorbitant are trying to insurance. Just let him finish his pitch, Carolina, our usual premium is around but for you, I could make that a clean one thousand. Sounds like a date. No, I'm sorry, I'm not looking to buy insurance at the moment. Wow, Carolina did not come to play. She is knocking these guys down like pinballs. You said that if I came here, I can make ane. We'll talk later, Greg, We'll talk later. Anyways, looks like bachelor number one is your boyfriend. I'd like

to ask him one more question. Come on, at least go on a date with a guy, go to go to his friend's party. Number one, where do you see yourself in five years, hopefully graduating from college. Don't don't pull the divider down, it'll ruin the game. Oh my god, he looks sixteen. Run yep, completely legal. So do you think you could pick up some drinks from my friend? Carolina? You are not going to find a boyfriend with that attitude. You're such as I thought she'd have some sense. Look,

here are my keys. There's a bottle of sambuca in the trunk of my Pontiac. Don't don't steal it. If you know what I mean all right by SIPs, I'm trusting you. Where did you find him? Who? Timmy? You just he's a buddy of mine's kid at Eisenhower High School. It runs track. So how are you feeling? I'm kind of annoyed with you right now. That was the dating game. We'll be right back after these messages. We are back with the Ron Burgundy podcast. Well, Carolina, what a rush.

I didn't know who you were going to pick. I just want to get a few things straight. Um, So you told the insurance agent I would buy insurance from him. I sure did. And then you told the teenager that I'd buy alcohol. Well, that choice was yours to make. I told him you could buy him alcohol if he asked nicely. Got it. And the twins, the twins, they liked you. They were good guys. I wish you would considered them more. Seriously, what did you tell the twins

that you could get them a green card? It? Sorry, they're from Canada, but they're good guys. I vetted them well, I had a friend vet them. We didn't need to vet them. Ron, you don't have to worry about me. I'll find a boyfriend. Are you sure, because I'm really worried you'll be alone forever. Don't worry. Are you absolutely positive you'll find someone who likes you? Yes? Oh my god, if you say so, run do you want to get that? Not? Really? Oh my god, it's Sia. I can see the car idea.

It's Sia. Okay, fine, I have to do this. Might as well just rip the band aid off. Hello, Sia, ron I've been trying to reach you. I keep getting voice my all. Are you getting one of texts? Okay, Sia, this is really hard. It's just you. You know. I love you right yeah? And I love you more than anything. It's just I thought I could do it. I really did, but making a high profile, long distance celebrity couple of work is a lot tougher than I thought. You know,

why can I say something please? I'm actually relieved to hear you say that wrong. You're like a wonderful, sensitive, caring, gentle, beautiful, handsome soul. I feel the same about you. You You You've lit my life up in ways I didn't think we're possible. It's just it's just our schedules are killing me relationship. Yes, it's not fair of Tay, I know, I've got the podcast, you've got the whole internationally famous pop star thing going on. I mean maybe in a

different lifetime. Yeah, well, I'm so glad you feel the same way. This is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. It's really tough. Okay, Well, I have to go diploys here we're working on okay, Yeah, I'm sure it'll be great. The demos are amazing. I'm I'm just here with Carolina. I'm so sorry about that. She's really track, isn't she She's the worst. Okay, we'll talk soon. Yeah, Okay, goody, goodbye, see you. Okay, Yeah, that's that's not how I wanted this to end. I

as a friend and a co worker, I sere really hurting. Yeah, boy, I'm I am low right now, you know, but this is what happens when you have two highly motivated, successful people with careers. If we could have made it work, we would have. I mean, she has her music and I have well, I guess I have this show. Yeah right mm hmm, yep, I got this show. You don't have to sound so defeated about it. I mean I definitely made the right decision. No, we made the right decision. Ron.

I'm sorry, but I have to say I did notice she said some really nasty things about me. Oh yeah, she hates your guts. Yeah, with a passion. She was seriously considering getting physically violent about it. Was going to beat me up. She was gonna knock you out. Mama says, knocked you out. Yeah. I talked her out of it. So well. Anyway, that's all for today for our episode of the Ron Burgundy Podcast. We're all in our little dating games, trying to figure out this crazy little thing

called love, and I nailed it. The Ron Burgundy Podcast is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm Ron Burgundy. The host, writer and executive producer Carolina Barlow is my co host, writer and producer. Our producer is Nick Stuff. Our talent coordinator is Anna Posnian. Writers are Andrew Steele and Jake Focoised. This episode was engineered, mixed, and edited by Nick Stuff. Until next time, This is Ron Burgundy. B