Yeah, so that's exactly right. It's where our reaction doesn't necessarily fit what's going on in front of us, although not always, you know, it may maybe a great fit of what's going on in front of us. But either way, we're being reminded of something that happened in our past. So we're being reminded of an experience within a parental relationship or within another relationship that we experienced as traumatic,
and that old reaction just floods in. And there's a phrase that I really encourage people to focus on, which is if it's hysterical, it's historical.
Welcome back to the Writers and Conquered podcast. I'm your host, Georgie Stephenson, former lawyer turned entrepreneur, social media personality and personal development junkie. This podcast is for my girl who want to feed their mind with positive and expansive thoughts to help them step into their power and live their most authentic life. Which had a variety of topics including mindset, business, relationships, health,
and so much more. Basically, wherever you are on your journey, I want to help you feel inspired and empowered to rise up and conquer your next bold move. I know that's going to look different for everyone, but just no, I'm right here by your side and that you have the RNC community behind you. Let's do this. Hello and welcome back to the Rise and Conquer podcast. Today I am joined by doctor Sarah Woodhouse. Sarah is a research
psychologist of trauma. Her research explores how different ways of thinking, feeling, and being can affect trau symptoms. Sarah wrote a book called You're Not Broken, which discusses the ins and outs of trauma. Today we are diving into a book. We are discussing what exactly trauma is, how it can show up in our everyday lives, from health both physical and mental, to our relationships, even down to our finances. We also
discuss how we can break that trauma loop. You guys know, I'm such a big advocate for talking about our trauma working through it. You guys know, I personally see a psychologist and it's definitely one of the best things that I have ever done. So I'm really excited for you guys to hear this episode, and I think you're really gonna love it and get a lot from it. Let's go straight into it, Doctor Sarah Woodhouse. Welcome to the Rise and Conquer podcasts.
Thank you, it's so lovely to be here.
I am so excited. My audience knows I am a self development junkie, and especially something I'd love getting into is limiting beliefs, which is pretty much what well, I guess my interpretation of what your book is about, You're not Broken, break free from the trauma and reclaim your life. So, oh my god, I'm so excited.
Oh, thank you. And you're right. No, it's a really key piece of it. And it's why I called the book You're Not Broken.
You know.
It was all to do with kind of the beliefs that so many of us carry around that.
And I love the title because I think sometimes we can think, oh my god, we've got all these issues, we've got all these trauma, traumas, we've got all this stuff happening are But I think the reality is most of us, well, I think all of us do have this, and even like you say in your book, these little traumas that you probably may think, it's not like something that bad happen, Why is this affecting me? But they can affect us in so many different ways.
Oh my gosh. Absolutely, that's just a key you know, key part of the book really is explaining, explaining those traumas that we don't often think of as traumas. You know, for many of us, it's it's the it's the relationship stuff. It's relational trauma, very often from the parental relationship, and so many of us carry it. And and as I explain it, you know how as a child these experiences like you know, feeling unseen, feeling unheard, having your ideas
and feelings kind of dismissed or belittled. How if that's occurring regularly, you know, fairly constantly, we will react to that as if it's a trauma. Yeah, yes, one hundred percent. You know, that's that's been one of the best things really, That's that's happened in terms of the trauma field over the last fifteen years, I would say, is total recognition of that.
Huge and I I want to get into that in just a moment before we get into the book and all things trauma and limiting beliefs. This is a bit of a fluffy question beforehand, but as this is the Rising Conquer podcast, what is your favorite quote or motto that helps you rise and conquer?
The one I've got so many. I've got so many little because they're almost like giving you their cues and they're just so important. So I've got so many. But the one that I that if I'm really feeling disempowered and really feeling yeah, I think disempowered is the right word. Disconnected from my strongest self, the one that I always lean on is I'm the queen of my life. And
it just gets me like right in my gut. You know, even as I say, I feel really emotional because it's it's just so true for all of us, you know, and we have to recognize that life's in session, man. You know, we've got to we've got to take it seriously. We've got to create what we want. And I'm I'm the queen of my life. You know, I get to choose. I get to create what I wanted to create. And that little phrase reminds me of that, you know, the
fact that I'm the boss here. You know, it's my life and I get to live it however I want.
Ah, that is so simple but so powerful. I absolutely love that.
Yeah, it's great, isn't it. I love it.
And so for the listeners who don't know who you are, could you just give us a little snapshot. Yes.
So I'm Sarah Woodhouse, doctor Sarah Woodhouse, and I am a research psychologist, which basically means I research. You know, I'm an academic rather than being clinical and treating people. I'm an academic and I'm a trauma expert. And I've spent about eleven years is academically researching trauma. I was funded by the UK Medical Research Council and worked with some absolutely incredible organizations therapists, and along the way worked
in various kind of treatment centers and addiction centers. And I've just had a very broad, incredible experience. And alongside that, I've had my own journey with trauma and recovery. Yeah, so that's me. I moved to Australia two years ago and very grateful given everything that's going on with COVID, especially very very very grateful to be here. And when I landed in Australia, I was up for different another research grant, but decided it was time to write a book.
I felt very compelled me too. Movement was going on. I don't know, maybe some part of me new COVID was along the way, because it was only about eight months later. So, yeah, I wrote the book, and I'm so grateful in terms of the timing of it because I think it's perfect.
A hundred percent. And I love that. I love like little intuition nudges and things where you're like, no, this is actually my next step. And the fact that you followed that is yeah, it's huge.
Yeah, thank you because it did feel scary and i'd so, you know, we're all taught to see the ladder, aren't we, and just keep climbing up it. So you got to that stage you've got to keep going, keep going, keep going. So it felt like a real leap and a stretch to roll the dice as coming to Australia did. To be honest, we've had like three years of dice rolling and it's been phenomenally scary at times and without doubt,
the best three years of my life. And I think my husband would say the same because we've just I feel like we've torn up the rule book. It's been really exciting.
Oh I love that. I'm all about that, making your own rolls, making your own way. And so is the book out for the audience to buy yet, I know I got an advanced copy, but when is it coming out?
It is. It came out on the thirtieth of March, so it is available. Yeah, it's in all most bookshops should have it, independent bookstores and all the big ones. Yeah, it's there. It's available online as well, you know, book Topia, book Depository, Amazon. So yes, and it's doing really well, which just beyond congratulations. Thank you.
Well it's yeah, it's such an amazing read. I got straight into it and loved it. So I was so excited to have you on the potty and you've heard it here. Guys. It is available. I'll put the links in the show notes, but without further I do. Let's get into it. So first of all, before we get into, you know, how we can change our trauma, how we can change our limiting beliefs and that side of things, I really want to get into what actually is trauma,
because we did touch on this at the start. But I think some people, you know, they see trauma as if they saw a loved one die or if they had something very horrific happened to them. Like when I think of the word trauma, I think of, you know, people coming back from the war and that sort of thing. So can you explain to us what trauma is.
So essentially, it's a reaction. One of the big things I wanted to do with the book was bust myths about trauma because there are so many misconceptions about what it is, who it applies to, who has it. Trauma isn't a disorder. Post traumatic disorder is a name that we gave to very high levels of trauma symptoms in
the seventies, but it's just a name. Trauma is a reaction, and it's a reaction to any experience, and that's really important that any experience that makes us feel overwhelmed, threatened, and out of control. So I really encourage people to focus on those three things what's going on. The reason we feel those three things is because our fight flight freeze response has been triggered, so there's a ton of
hormones coursing through our nervous system. But what I personally find is that when I talk nervous system stuff, a lot of people check out. So I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm projecting, maybe it's just me, but when I mentioned nora adrenaline or adrenaline, I just feel like I lose people a little bit. So although I recognize and acknowledge that learning about what's going on in the nervous system is so important. Has been a really important part of my healing. I was thinking, it's really
useful to use really human terms. So overwhelmed, threat and out of control. They're the three things, and if those three things are experienced in response to any event, they're the baseline for the traumatic reaction and any event, as you say, you know, when I say trauma, people think bushfires, floods, war, assault. You know, that's traditionally what we think of, and of course we do, because that's when we first noticed trauma.
We first noticed it in the most extreme cases who were experiencing you know, extreme flashbacks and all the rest of those kind of PTSD symptoms. But gradually, as the research and therapy has moved on, we are recognizing and fully acknowledging that PTSD is not the only response to trauma. And so, yes, there's all these severe, big experiences, but then there are these commonplace, everyday experiences that can also lead to us feeling overwhelmed, threatened, and out of control.
And that's particularly true for children.
So interesting, I remember when I was kind of reading about that and yeah, I think when you I guess, I guess. For me, it felt like validation when I realized because I know we're going to probably get into it. But like you said, a lot of our limiting beliefs, or you know, our traumas and stuff can come from our parents and our childhood. And sometimes, like when I went to therapy and I was dealing with our sorry, working through a lot of things, I would feel guilty.
Was I had the most amazing childhood. You know, I had the most loving, amazing parents. I had a really good you know, it's not like I went without and all these different things. So I remember I used to feel guilty for having traumas and I was like, but you know, my life was quote unquote perfect. But I think it's very validating to realize even if it is quote unquote perfect, you can still have stuff that happened in your life that are traumas that you know triggered
these symptoms and other limiting beliefs. So in your book, I know that you go through four different types of trauma. Can you explain these? Yeah.
I love that you've asked that. Actually I haven't been asked that in any of the podcasts. So I know it's really nice. So yeah, so I include four definitions of trauma, and what I'm trying to do in the book is what you'll find is that most trauma books, not all of them, but most of them from a specific therapeutic modality. So their long words, aren't they What I mean is that they're from a type of treatment perspective.
So they give a fantastic explanation of trauma and how to heal it, but it's in like one tranch, so it's not broad, it's not covering the others. And I was absolutely determined to incorporate all the modalities, so that's why I did this. So for definition, so the first the first definition is a trauma is a perceived threat that overwhelms us and our ability to respond. And that's really what I was just talking about, you know, it's the overwhelm and the threat and the feeling out of control.
So do you have an example of that?
I mean, the truth is it could be anything, and I think, honestly, what I'm trying to do with the book is to stop people thinking so much about the event and to focus on the reaction. So a trauma is a perceived threat and I think that's a really important word because what I perceive is threatening will be different to what you perceive as threatening based on our conditioning, based on our fear conditioning. So that's a really important
part of that definition. And in terms of what it could be, you know, it's those relationship if you're thinking about childhood, it's those relationship issues or dynamics that I first mentioned. So feeling unseen and unheard, any kind of boundary violation, and I'm not just talking here about you know, physical boundary violations. I'm talking about people not listening when you say no, you know, not listening to your opinions, any kind of enmeshment as well, which kind of goes
along with those boundaries. There's so much in that relationship piece. But also it's not just that you know that there are you know, everyday slips and falls, strangers coming to the front door, routine medical procedures, going for your vaccinations. Your mum goes, oh, actually, this is a very common one I speak to about, speak to people about that often comes up as they do their work, one of their parents having been put in hospital for two weeks
or three weeks or four weeks. You know, that's extremely traumatic for a child, not you know, not potentially a teenager who would be able to cognitively understand what's going on, but for a younger child that that would be that would be perceived as a huge threat. It would be felt as extremely overwhelming, and they would feel like they weren't able to adequately respond. So that's that's what that
first definition is all about. Yeah, and then the second one is trauma is our unprocessed memory of the experience. So a lot of my work looked at memory and I was really it was really important to me to include this aspect of it because I find it to be really empowering when I explain it to people because essentially trauma is a memory issue because what's going on during so and each definition kind of leads on from
each other. So if you take that child whose mums say had gone into hospital, that they perceived that event as experience as extremely threatening and overwhelming. Now, what goes on with our fight flight freeze is that our body is flooded with hormones and our mind is flooded hormones, and a lot of people miss that piece of it. So it is the body. Yes, So you're going to be experiencing anxiety like symptoms most likely, or if you've gone into freeze, you'll have kind of completely shut down
or dissociated. But it also affects our thinking, It affects our cognition, so our prefrontal cortex kind of goes offline. So that's the bit that makes decisions, and it really affects our memory processing. So essentially, as those hormones course around our body, we can't remember in the way that we usually do. So normally we would expect it. We would any of our experiences are processed, and by that, I mean we understand them.
You know.
We we experience an event and we apply our own filter to it, so we understand it, we assimilate it within our entire life experience, and we kind of pop it in a box. That experience was sad or that experience confirms my belief of X y Z. We can't do that with trauma memories. Our memory literally isn't processing, can't process them because of that flood of hormones. So
something really odd happens to the memory. And it's almost the way that I explain it is that it's almost like so instead of being So if you picture the process memory as kind of whole and complete and where it's supposed to be, the unprocessed trauma memory is in bits. It's kind of maybe it's attached to a little bit of it might be a physical feeling in our body, say a pain. Part of it might be a belief. Part of it might be a smell. Part of it
might be an image. Part of it's a feeling, of course, So it's like this disp spread of sensory and emotional bits, and that's why we're triggered.
You know.
That's why today if you're walking down the road, so this this fictatious person who you know, whose mum went into hospital, it's why when they're walking down the road and maybe they walk past the hospital and they see a woman going into it, why they might have a huge flood of fear adrenaline, suddenly feel extremely afraid, or whatever their triggered reaction might be. So that that memory piece explaining that's really important because it explains why we're
triggered today. So essentially, trauma is a memory dysfunction. That's that's what it is, and it's really important. So even though nowadays we're so focused on explaining the somatic side of it, that cognitive piece of it is really really really important to remember.
Interesting, Okay, so you're kind of explaining that, you know what tram is, it could really be anything. It's really our perceived notion of what happened. I really want to get into how trauma can show up in different aspects of your life, so you know, relationship, physical, mental health, finances, work.
Because I think I was a bit like when I was reading the book, I was like, I kind of know this, but it was almost like a bit shocking to see how much it can come up in something that is completely, you know, different to the trauma, if that makes sense. So I was wondering if you can kind of break that down.
Yes, totally. So in the middle part of the book is my favorite part, and I explain how trauma shows up in our relationships, in our health, and in our work. And you know, the truth is so the first part of the book when I'm explaining all about trauma and I've got those definitions in there and really trying to get under the bonnet of what it is that really all comes from my research that is have academic hat on when I did that and it was really important to me to explain it in a in a an
accessible way. But the middle parts it was all fresh research.
Really.
Obviously I drew on my knowledge, but had you know, so many interviews with people really trying to dig down into how it affects these different areas of our life, and and it was fascinating, you know. So so for in relationships, for example, the primary way that I talk about it affecting it is through being triggered. And this is true with romantic relationships or friendships or family relationships,
whatever it is. If we so so say we've got relational trauma in particular, So there I'm talking about those kind of other other traumas, the ones that we the commonplace, every day ones that we didn't traditionally think of as trauma. So say we're focusing on that kind of relational trauma. If you imagine anyone who carries that when involved in any kind of uncomfortable relationship dynamic today as an adult,
that they're possibly going to get triggered. And that could be you know, it could be a conflict, it could be someone someone using a certain tone of voice, It could be a comment someone makes it work you know, So they're really I'm focusing on the relationships, and really it's all to do with being triggered.
Interesting, So you're saying, in a relationship with someone else, yeah, it can just be something. And so you're saying, look for the aspects of that relationship that kind of set you off. I'm not going to say for no reason, but yeah, set you off more than other things.
No, it's true, and you're right, it's not for no reason, but it is. It is notable, isn't it? Because you
are right? So I spoke to someone the other day and they they were explaining that they'd been triggered by I can't remember it was their partner had done their partner had it was something just totally innocuous, like had the partner had seen a cockquach, And they were kind of arguing about this cockquach, and we were both having this conversation about it's you know, if one of you has an extreme reaction, it's not actually about the thing
in front of you. It's not actually about the cock coroach, do you know what I mean? Yeah, So that's exactly right. It's where our reaction doesn't necessarily fit what's going on in front of us, although not always, you know, it may maybe a great fit of what's going on in front of us, but either way, we're being reminded of
something that happened in our past. So we're being reminded of an experience within a parental relationship or within another relationship that we experienced as traumatic, and that old reaction just floods in. And there's a phrase that I really encourage people to focus on, which is, if it's hysterical, it's historical, which is just so cheesy, but I love
it because it's just so true. You know, if your friend, your mum, your partner, whoever it is, is having an extreme reaction, I would always be saying that they are most likely not just responding to what's going on in front of them, but it's about something deeper. You know, something from their past has been triggered. And really what we're looking for is it's about strength of reaction and it's about repetition. So doing it once it still indicates
that something's been triggered, but really it's the repetition. So if you find yourself responding strongly in response to the same type of situation or the same type of trigger the same thing that your partner does, or your friend does, or whatever it might be. If it's happening often repeatedly, then I would be saying, Okay, we've got a pattern here. Your past rum is being triggered. There's something we need to look at and heal. Because our triggers really are
the pathway to healing. They show us what is unresolved and what needs to be resolved.
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the show. And I always find in regards to relationships, like where where am I really so kind of feeling like a victim? Like where am I hate again? Yeah, like you said, like showing up in these kind of bigger triggered ways, But also where am I feeling like, oh, poor me and very much like this person has done something to me and very victim by that person, which for me has come up.
Yes, totally, that's a really common, very common relationship reaction, I would say, is going into victim? You know that really is. And in the book I do detail because it's so important to because because relationships are so complicated and so glopy, you know, I think the word I use in the book, or the phrase I using the book is it's like a muddy pain. It's just really glopy and sticky and confusing. It can all just feel a bit much. And that's especially true if you have
any kind of relational trauma from childhood. That's it's going to feel especially difficult, especially can using. So it was really important to me to kind of pull it apart.
So I list all, or as many as I could, the main ones that I've seen that the relationship triggers, so the things that can trigger us, and I also list the reactions that I've seen or personally experienced, you know, And I think that allows people to find some clarity, which is really what the book is all about, and what my work is all about is helping people pull it apart, which in itself that insight and awareness it's really healing.
Huge, huge, And so let's go on to health because this was so interesting to me. So you're saying, you know, our traumas can show up in our health. Can you kind of explain to us how they can sharpen our physical health?
Yeah, it's I've got to be honest, that is so broad that it's hard for me to give a really.
What about with our relationship with food? Because this is something that I have had with my past.
Yes, yes, isn't it so common? You know? And the reason I do that so so the so the chapter is all about how trauma affects our health, and I detail how it affects our coping mechanisms, in particular food and alcohol. And the reason I do that is because so many of us, you know, thinking of food, now, so many of us do you have a difficult relationship with food, And I'm picking that apart in the context
of trauma and explaining why that happens. Really, because food is about comfort, right, you know, it's it's and in its and in its most innocent form, it's extremely joyful. It's coming in on a cold day having a hot bowl of soup. You know, you may be a bit hungry.
It's a comforting thing. But because it's comforting if we have trauma, so if we carry trauma and we're experiencing often experiencing these kind of overwhelming triggered reactions, we can end up reaching for that comfort in more of a dysfunctional way, as so many of us do. I mean, really, I would say it's one of the main coping you know, dysfunctional, disempowering coping mechanisms that I encounter on a daily basis
with people. So so I just knew that had to be in there and had to be explaining what that's about and you know a little bit about kind of how we can move through it.
So you're saying these, you know, these relationship with foods, with alcohol and those sorts of things can actually be from a pass trauma or almost like a crutch that.
You know very often, you know, one of the one of the questions people ask me the most, really it's just as so often is but how do I know? Like what are the main signs? And the one that I always say is the biggest red flag is if people are using compulsive avoidant coping mechanisms. You know, for me, honestly, I would go as far to say that I have never worked with anyone who hasn't in some way or another, developed some kind of avoidant coping. And you know, that
might look like obsessively working. You know, that might be you know, another word that would be workholism. But it could be obsessively thinking about your projects and you and your work. It could be distracting yourself with your phone, It could be compulsive eating, it could be compulsive busyness. I see that so often, this kind of tidying the house, running from appointment to appointment. You know, anything that is
pushing our feelings away from us is avoidant coping. You know, we're avoiding the cape, We're avoiding the feeling as a way to cope because it feels too much, so we just run from it. And actually that keeps us stuck in the cycle of reactions, because really what we need to do is move towards our feelings to release them.
So interesting, So I know you also in the book you chat about, you know, how the trauma can affect our education, our finances, our work, and you know, it's much like what you kind of just went into them. But something that you just said, which I really want to chat about, is breaking the trauma loop. So, like you said, it's almost like we are unaware. We're just you know, we're getting triggered or we're addicted, we're using things as a crutch, and I guess because it feels
like what we've always done. I think it can be sometimes super hard to even be aware. But you know, that's what's so great about the middle section of this book is we're like having light bulb moments and we're like, oh, okay, so this is interesting, But then how do we break the trauma loop? So this is a very exciting part of the book for me because, like I said, I love I love self development. I love getting into, you know, the actual how aspect, and I very much see this
podcast as giving the audience actionable tools. So can you kind of get into the how to break the trauma loop and that side of things?
Yes, I would love to talk about that, and there are so many different ways that we can do it, you know. And in the book, I include seven tools and they are all designed to help us break the cycles that we're trapped in. Because the thing that your listeners should know is that these traumatic reactions happen in a kind of cycle. So initially you're triggered, and then you experience the kind of physical and emotional reaction, and
then very quickly it's followed by a cognitive reaction. So that will show up in your beliefs and your thinking, so like negative spiraling thinking or those old beliefs that we were talking about, and then almost always it's going to sharpen your behavior and most often, like I said, that's a kind of avoidant coping. So my whole philosophy is around, you know, figuring out ways to get out of that loop. And there are so many different ways
to do it. Want you know, I did just just mention really one of the best ways to do it is to learn to and it's so hard, it's so simple and so hard, but to learn to be with our feelings instead of running from them, because we become trapped in these cycles. If you think about it, that behavioral push to push away our feelings is then keeping us trapped in the pattern and in the cycle. So we need to a simple way of doing that is
to be with our feelings. So that can be as simple as you know, when you realize that you're feeling shame, or you're feeling anxiety, if you're feeling afraid, whatever it might be, or you say you realize your thoughts are spiraling, or all those old beliefs have been triggered, just pausing. And I know that sounds like maddeningly simple, But what we have been taught and conditioned to do is to run. So we feel it, like we'll notice in a kind of half way, and then we run from it, we
get on with the day. We you know, we clean something, we get on with work, we look at our phone, whatever it might be, we go and eat something. And actually the healing piece there is to pause and acknowledge how you're feeling. And it's such a powerful thing to do because healing from trauma is all about strengthening the
mind body connection. So what's going on is we kind of cognitively or consciously notice something in our body, because that's where our feelings are experienced, right, They're in our body. So we'll notice that we're feeling a little bit ashamed or we're feeling anxious, and we immediately pull up an out of it. And what we need to do is come back down into it and so notice what's going on,
but cognitively acknowledge it. So say to ourselves, I've been triggered, I'm feeling really ashamed, or I've been triggered, I'm feeling really anxious, or whatever it might be, I've been triggered, I'm feeling really angry. And then so kind of pulling the mind body together by then allowing the feeling and just noticing what's going on in your body. So, oh my gosh, my jaw is really tense, I've got a you know, I've got a pain or tension in the back of my neck. My shoulders are really tight, my
heart's be beating. And the more we do it, the more we can be with our body. It's fascinating, it really is. When you start working this way and actually, and this doesn't have to take long. I'm not saying, like, take an hour out of your day to just sit
and feel your feelings. I'm saying, when you notice an uncomfortable, negative feeling, just pause, acknowledge it in your mind, and just notice where it is in your body, you know, And that is one of the simplest and quickest ways to kind of step out of the trauma loop because allowing our feelings to be and do what they need to do, it helps them resolve. Because what you're also going to realize is when you're with that feeling, you might realize that your eyes are prickling and you need
to cry and you've got to let yourself. Or you might realize that you have a ton of pressure in your arms you feel like you want to punch, so you punch the air. It's also the kind of resolution piece of it is allowing your body to do what it needs to do. Maybe it needs to shout, maybe you know, like I said, maybe it needs to cry, maybe it needs to make a call, like maybe you
just know you need to speak to someone. But it's kind of understanding that feelings have a beginning, middle, and end if we allow them to and see it through, see the rise and fall of it, like the bell curve of it. But it's so simple, and I get that it sounds so simple, but I've been practicing this for probably I would say, seventeen eighteen years, and still there are times when I can't do it, when instead of pausing and just being with my feelings, I run
from them. So it's simple, but it's difficult. But it comes with practice, it really does. Like the more you do it, the better at it we get. And it's a really exciting journey, Like it's a really exciting way to walk because it's also about embodiment. It's about reconnecting to your body and your authentic self.
I absolutely love it, and I love that you said it sounds simple, but it's so powerful because it's so true. I remember doing some work where I realized I was just so disconnected from my feelings. And you know, my psychologist would ask, so, how do you feel? And I used to give her a word that it wasn't a feeling, it was a logical thought. And it's almost like I had trouble articulating feelings because I would never feel them.
I would push them away, and then that manifested in anxiety like a workaholic, that sort of side of things too. And I noticed such a huge difference when you actually just feel your feelings. And for me, it felt almost like painful and very much like shameful to feel feelings, so I wouldn't do it and I would push it down. But when I started actually feeling the feelings and doing what you're saying now, Sarah is, I realized it wasn't
that bad, and I was like, oh okay. Like once I had done the process and like you said, pause felt the feeling and it left, I was like, oh wow, I don't actually have to keep all these feelings bottled up.
I so appreciate you sharing that, and you articulated it so beautifully because and I would say, you know, from where I'm standing, your experience of not being able to feel your feelings from feeling detached from your body. You know,
they are all signs of relational trauma. So no matter how perfect I'm doing like air quotes now, no matter how perfect our childhood was, we can all experience you know, we can all experience this, that, this, and many of us do you know what you've described, There are common symptoms of relational trauma of not being able to kind of be with our with our feelings, and that very often happens because of our experiences in childhood and not having our feelings validated.
Yeah, exactly. And also what I did find after really being aware aware of this, and for me it's always awareness comes first, and then I can kind of get into you know, past traumas and helping and breaking the loop and whatnot, is once that I actually started feeling the feelings. So something I used to talk to my psychologists about was I never because I never kind of like felt my feelings whole. It's almost like life felt
a bit. I'm trying to articulate the world, like I don't want to say mundane, almost like like colorless, if that makes sense, and it's like something really amazing would happen and I'd be like, oh yeah, cool, something really bad would happen and I'd be like, oh, yeah, I could deal with this. So it's like I had this coping mechanism of yeah, not feeling my feelings, but then
you know, I couldn't feel that super joyful feeling. And so once I started feeling the feelings, connecting with my feelings and really connecting with my body, is I could, really, I guess, receive happiness, receive love, receive you know, those feelings, and life got a lot better.
Absolutely, I've got nothing to add to that because you just described it so beautifully. You know that that is exactly the problem is when we deny, if if we deny any feeling, we deny all of them. There is no middle ground there. You have to allow them all or else you do end up in this very kind of it's almost like everything has been dialed down. Yes, and that's very very very common.
Yeah, And it's like, yeah, would you rather you know, not feel the highs and lows or would you rather just feel that kind of in the middle stage all the time. And I just realized I could, you know, I had lived my life for like that's for so long that I was like, no, I want to feel the highs and I want to feel the lows. So that was
a huge breakthrough. And I think that's also me just explaining to the audience too for you R and c F them is you know, if you ask someone who you do feel a bit disconnected to your feelings and stuff happens and you almost feel like you can't receive the love, receive the joy, or even the bad feelings, it's definitely a sign that you're a bit to get disconnected in that way.
Yeah, absolutely a sign you're disconnected. And I would be using the language of trauma, you know, then I would be I would be explaining that, you know, very it's very feasible that there's some older relational trauma there and that that's okay. You know, the whole point of the book is that we've all experienced trauma, that we've all experienced the traumatic reaction in one way or another. We
all carry it. So when I say, you know, well, you know, do any of the listeners who are that could be trauma, I'm saying, yeah, you and the rest of us, you know, it's okay, It really is okay. It's a common protective reaction, and the best thing we can do is acknowledge it and call it what it is. You know, just call it what it is, and and you will begin to heal. You know, as you learn about it, you will begin to heal.
And so Sarah, to finish off the interview, I want to chat about your tools in the book. So, guys, Sarah's got a chapter that is literally called the Tools, where she gives you I think there's seven yes that correct? Right? Yeah, yes, so seven tools, which I loved reading because it's kind of like, you know, you can pick the ones that
resonate with you. Our bit to finish, Sarah, I was wondering if you can go in and explain tool one because that was definitely my favorite because it's got a bit of spiritualness in it, a bit of woo woo, which is down my alley. And then guys, make sure you go read the book for other other tools.
Great. So setting you in tool one, setting your intentions in your path? Is that the one that you loved?
Yes?
Yes, I'm so happy that you asked for me to talk about that. So this is all I'm going to look. I'm going to open the book and have a liks so I can find the actual questions so I can read them out. So this is it's part practical and as you said, part spiritual, which the book is. You know that I would say it spans both of those. It was really important to me because I'm authentically both
of those things. You know, I'm a researcher, but I'm also very very spiritual, and it's been a really important part of my healing journey. So the tools I really wanted to be able to incorporate both, and as the whole book does. So this is part practical and part spiritual, and it's really about encouraging people to build a clear
vision for themselves. Because what I've found personally and professionally, because this is a tool I use when I work with people, or you know, a version of it is if we're going to break free from old cycles, if we don't know what we're stepping into, we can feel
really unsafe. So I always encourage people to create a vision and engage with their purpose and their you know, and engage with what they're seeking before they begin the work, because it's just it's almost like it gives you a structure and a sense of safety that when we're in this zone so when we're talking about trauma and doing this kind of work is really really important. So it's a really important tool. That's what I would say to people. So the questions are, so I've said, what are you
seeking in your relationships? What are you seeking in your health and well being? What are you seeking in your work? And when you picture your life a year from now, what do you want it to look like? So that idea of seeking is really important to me in the
work that I do. And I think there's something about the word that just helps people kind of key into or access on a deeper level when we talk about what you're seeking, what you're I don't know that there's a deeper spirituality the word than the media saying what do you want? You know, what are you're seeking? It's kind of a reaching for something that we need, that we instinctively know. So they're the questions that we use and what we do from those, So you're right as
much as you would want on those. And then I really encourage people to take their answers and translate them into daily intentions, which I think are so important. I think it's really important that we're all using intentions. And I know that also probably all sounds a bit Gabby Bernstein, but they work. There is so much evidence to show
that they work. I am really into I've done a lot of kind of training and research into the subconscious and how it plays out in our beliefs on a daily basis, and how we can break habits and patterns and intentions are really powerful, you know. So from those, so say you know, what are you seeking in your relationships?
Once you've got that answer, you would then pull from that intentions, which is it is a bit of a tricky practice that they there can be hard to initially set, but you the more you practice them, the more you get familiar with the wording. So so for example, what here we go? So here I've written, So for example, so you wrote, I'm seeking deeper emotional connection in my closest relationships. So your intention then would be so my intention is to be more honest and open about how
I'm feeling. So you see, there's the seeking piece first, and then we translate it into an intention, and then from that I really encourage people to to create affirmations because we set the intention in the morning, but then during the day I use affirmations to queue in and remind me of where I'm headed. Because remember we've set the we've we've did the seeking weight work first, so we know that that that's coming from a really deep
place within us. So on a daily basis, we need to find ways to remind us of where we're headed. And affirmations work so beautifully. So take that intention of my intention is to be more honest and open about how I'm feeling. To support the intention, you could use an affirmation like I'm deeply connected to those I love, or it's safe to be open about my feelings, or
I state my feelings honestly. So they're just smaller affirmations that you can use during the day that keep you on the right path, one that's come from a deep, a deeper place within you that's connected to your purpose.
I love that, and I love the last bit of that tool you wrote. You know what the worst thing is about trauma? It keeps us focused on the past, so then our future ends up being a carbon copy of what happened before. To change, we gently remind ourselves to refocus on what we want. So what do you want? Ah? I love that.
I'm so pleased you like to I love it too. It's just so empowered and it's just so important with this work because I find that the trauma space often is very very heavy, you know, and I understand why, of course it is, but I think because because of that, so because there's so much or can be so much deep healing and processing going on, I feel like that
often the lighter empowerment piece is missing. So it was really really important to me to pull those two, those two spaces together so as we heal, we can also empower ourselves. And it's really critical that we do.
One hundred percent. And yeah, I resonate with that so much. Out well, thank you so much, Sarah. You have been such a light and it's just so yes, so many like aha moments, and I absolutely loved how you explained everything, and I really appreciate your time on coming up coming on the podcast and it's.
Been such a wonderful chat. So are they were amazing amazing questions and oh I'm just a big fan, you know, it's been great.
Thanks so much, Sarah. And can you let the audience know You've already let them know where they can find the book, so I will link that, but where can they find you? And follow you.
Yes, I'm everywhere. Really, you can't. You can't escape me. I don't think so. I've got a website which is ww dot Sarah Woodhouse dot com, and I'm on Instagram and Facebook. I'm at the Sarah Woodhouse and on Twitter, I'm sn Underscore Woodhouse and I would love to connect. Ah.
Thanks so much, Sarah, Thank you, thank you for listening for another RNC episode. I really appreciate taking the time to be here with me, and also for taking the time for yourself. If you found this episode helpful, it would be so amazing if you shared it on your stories and tagged us, or simply just send it on to a girlfriend or family member who would benefit from listening. We are an independent podcast run by me and my amazing podcast manager, so it would mean the world to
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