I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this episode is being recorded, the Komboo Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson,
and this is the Rise and Conquer podcast. This is the podcast where we ch have mindset, self development and becoming your higher self mix soon with a lot of laughs, plus behind the scenes of my life running two businesses and being among Think of us as the perfect combo of brunch with your besties mixed with self development. No matter where you are in your journey, We're here to help you be curious, pull yourself out, and embrace radical
self awareness. If you're ready to get into the driver's seat of your own life, stop letting life pass you by, then you're in the right place. Hello everybody, and welcome back to the potty. Today we have an episode with Cooper and we are chatting about different ways to regulate your nervous system. This is something that me and Cooper have both been working on since last year because we
just noticed how much our like subconscious beliefs. We're running our nervous system and we were feeling like burnt out. We're feeling triggered, you know, highly emotional, and it's been
a whole journey for us. So you know, if you're someone who's super busy, maybe you're already feeling burnt out and maybe you just like notice sometimes your nervous system is just like shot, or you're just like you're not feeling good, You're feeling anxious, and you're like, oh my god, I just I need to get out of this cycle. You're gonna love this episode. So, guys, just a really quick announcement. We are having our first Rise app community
event on the twenty third of March. There are limited spaces. There's only fifty spots available, so I won't give too much more away because all information is going to be on socials. Oh my god, I'm so excited. The like the run sheet for the event. It's going to be so magical and I just cannot wait to be there with you guys and do this morning. The whole reason when you started the app is because I'm just I'm
craving that community connection. So this is going to be like one step deeper and it's going to be incredible.
I'm so excited, can't wait to meet everyone.
A tear quickly before we get into the episode Weekly Recommendations.
Just back here with another wrong com tell us more. It's called Anyone But You and it has Sydney Sweeney and Glenn Powell and I adore that man ob set.
It's beautiful, the fucking best movie ever.
It is such a great movie. It's based on like an old Shakespeare thing too, so if you're a bit of a.
Nerd, you'll really like it.
What's your.
She's currently scrolling through her kidney lab.
So I'm back with a book wreck, but it's not a fiction. We're doing nonfiction today. Oh I know, I'm shocked myself, me too. So the book is called The Awakened Brain by Lisa Miller and is the psychology of spirituality. That sounds really interesting. So I love books that give either like a science backing or just some sort of basis for things that you like, you can't quantify. Almost like I've read a book ones that all is all about like the science of manifesting, where I know manifesting works.
I preach it and practice it in my life, but like to have a book being like scientifically manifesting works. It just like again, it's like great evidence for your brain that it's like, yes, I'm you know, my beliefs are on point, if that makes sense. So the whole book is just basically about, well a captivating look at what happens when you're connected to something greater than yourself.
So it's all about like the science and psychology behind spirituality and how it's so connected to so much more than we think. And so if you're an RNC Galley, you will love this book.
I'm that's definitely going on the list.
I'll read that soon. My list is getting really low. All right, let's get into the episode. So Coop, I thought we could start the episode with just explaining even like what regulating your nervous system is and why we need to do it for ourselves. So when we say regulating your nervous system, we are just talking about you know, back in the day, back in the held days, the tribe,
the good old days and tried days. You know, we would see a tiger and we would get that response of like fight or flight, and our body would have a physical reaction. So we could either like play dead or we could run faster. So you have an actual
physical response, and that's good, we need that. But what has happened is in modern life, you know, stresses like trying to meet a deadline at work or getting triggered by your parents or your partner bring on this physical response of your body that puts you into being disregulated. And when you're disregulated, your digestive system doesn't work. You can't use like your full mental capacity and like all
these respons from your body. So when you regulate your nervous system, you're actually able to even to the point of the reason why I had to start looking into regulating my nervous system is because I had a thyroid disease and my doctor was like, you need to be in a healing state where your body feels safe enough to heal. So if you're constantly in this state or fight or flight, you don't digest food, your body doesn't heal itself. There's all these like physioresponsors.
Yeah, that's attacking. Like that stuff attacks your body in numerous ways, and like your skin might be the first one, but then it comes out deep organs and who knows, like it can be anything.
And especially if it's a long chronic time, if you're constantly in a state of stress, if you constantly feel overstimulated, if you're constantly disregulated, your body gets to a point where it thinks that's normal and that's safety, and it's so hard to heal from that place, to be your best self, to just feel good, to feel safe.
Yeah, like to go in more like with holding on trauma. It stores those files. So we all have files and we store them for our protection and our survival and having them stored in a bad way and keeping them in a bad way when things come up and you get triggered, which you don't understand why you get triggered, and it's usually something completely different, But when that happens, your body is like I can't deal with this sort of thing, so I'm going to put it out on
your body. I'm going to angle instead of knowing that trauma, it's going to bring it out in your body and it's going to come up in a different way, and that's that you're going to focus on. And an example is for myself that I had headaches my whole life life and like, oh, my whole life since I was maybe around twelve, I think that I had headaches all the time and they controlled my life and I couldn't do this and I always had nerve and panandole and and there was.
Those that was like the whole childhood was Goop having legit. Like it's all I mem would be shopping and Mom's like, we have to go home because Goop's got a headache. I'm like, fucking Cooper.
Honestly, sorry, guys, I was just getting triggered.
Probably because the day was about me.
Yeah, it's just like when you think about it, when I think about it in my head, like your mind controls everything for your survival in this place, and we have evolved and we're in a different environment, so it's definitely a lot more stress actually, but that's kind of like where it stems from and what happens.
And so even like from my obviously this episode, mean are not health professionals. We're just really talking about our own experience. And so from my experience, I actually lived majority of I would say, from like my late teenage years to my early twenties in a disregulated place. It was this place of I have to do more, I have to strive more, I have to keep on fighting.
It felt like this like constant state of like more and I have to be a certain way in order to feel a certain way, and it was like this overwhelming pressure on my chest and shoulders, and I would often like now, looking back, I had so a lot, so many like physical representations of stress in my life, and it made sense because I was doing a law degree, or I was working full time while doing my law degree, or I was starting a business, and it all made
sense sense. So I was like so fine with it almost, and it would just felt normal to me to live in this constant state of being disregulated. But then since doing a lot of internal work and really focus on like what is actually going to regulate my nervous system right now and what is actually going to make me
feel safe. What has happened is I just feel so much more comfortable to be in the present moment, Like I can just be in the present moment, Like I can be at home and let's say I've done my to do list or whatnot, and I can be like this actually happened the other day. Cooper and I had finished what I wanted to do that day for work, Ivy and Tim were out and I had this moment where I was like, I really want to read my book because I'm really into fantasy books right now, whole
random of me. And but then I had that a first initial thought of like oh, or I should do more work or I should be productive. But because I've been really focusing on regulating my nervous system, I was like, no, I get to actually just read my book and be in this moment and like seek out the pleasure, which is my word for the year. And so I read my book and then you know, Tim and Ivy came
home and we did our normal afternoon routine. But there was a moment there when I reflected and I spoke to Tim after and I was like, previous Georgie, because she was so disregulated all the time, would not have the awareness to actually just be present and enjoy that moment. She would have done the productive thing. She would have been like, oh, I can't just like relish in this moment. So that's what regulating my nervous system has done, is I'm actually able to just be.
It's so nice, that's powerful, that's really cool. But like, don't beat yourself up for what you have done and where you like the things that have triggered you and that sort of thing, because they're there to benefit us. Everything we do in our life is to benefit us. At that point in time in your life that you were opposite to what you said, like it was there to benefit you, and it's the same for everyone, Like.
And it did. It hugely benefited me massively.
But now you're on a different journey and it's not benefiting you, and so it doesn't feel right. So like it's all good from where you have gone and it's you've got those lessons and you've got you've learned so much from it. But yet now now's the time you can start taking some small steps of regulating your nervous system.
And it is funny because even now, even though I'm like, no, I get to be in this season of like feeling really peaceful and being I do still have moments like when we did the Sydney event for our friend merce with n H. It was absolutely like a whirlwind because we like we did a Terry White meaning and that I had a podcast and then we had the event and we had the influences there and I definitely did feel a little bit dysregulated. But again it was like
that moment of being like, it's okay. For this moment, I can actually lean into just fucking being a bit all over the place, but still feeling okay because like you said, it's probably served me and it's like the zone I needed to be in.
Yeah, definitely it benefited you. But also you've learned a massive lesson from that that you're not going to do something so crazy, because I remember before that happened, you just said I don't want to do it. This isn't like I just I really don't want to do it. I'm getting bad feelings, I'm getting guilt, and it doesn't And I remember talking to you saying, look, you've said this, you've done. You've got to stick to your word, and you're going to learn a valuable lesson of what not
to do. You need to go and do it. Otherwise you're not going to have that lesson.
Yeah, you're not gonna know. And also it's also like what's good about this is like you need to go and see what your boundaries are. You need to almost push the limits to be like, oh there's the.
Spot, don't go too far, but oh look definitely, Yeah, and then you'd be like, yeah, I shouldn't have done that, but that's all learning, and it's okay, all.
Right, well let's chat about like, first of all, let's talk about some signs that you're disregulated.
My first one that jumps to my head that is a great awareness, and I used to be this person, and it's in a conversation you this person can just talk about themselves. So in a conversation for me, there is like someone talk and then the other one listens and let that person talk until they're finished, and then the other person talks and you ask each other questions and it's just back and forth, back and forth, and
it's even it's like you're equal. But when you're with someone and they talk about themselves a lot, which happens a lot, and I used to be very much like that, and that to me is usually when there's just too much in that person's head that they don't have enough
space to give to the other person. And in that note, like when you are with someone that talks about themselves a lot, it's they need it, and I just usually sit there and ask them more questions and try and help them out because they need it at that time. So it's still nice that you are a helper. But that's been a big thing for me lately that it's not that nice to be around someone that talks about themselves too much and challenge him.
Why are you talking about yourself so much?
I challenge the other day he did. Yeah, I said, I'm like, why do you talk? And he's like, actually, I have noticed that, and I am trying to fix that at the moment. And Yeah, for me to say that to him, he's going to be way more aware of it and it's going to help him. It's going to benefit him. So that's Yeah, when you're stuck in your head, that's.
Yeah, when you're not like when you can't, when you don't have capacity for other people, Yeah, you're.
Just scraping by it in your head.
Yeah, And that's honestly, like, if I think back to those periods when I was just regulated, that's what it felt like. I felt like I did not have any capacity for anyone else or anything else. Yeah, that's a good one. I think I was going to say, like more from like a physical response, Like in my physical body, it can feel like anxiety and stress and this like
overwhelming just feeling of pressure. That's how I know I'm just regulated because I'm just like, oh, I just can't even see pass this issue or whatever, and I'm having like a physiological effect and just stuck.
Yeah, I just can't get out. The next one is for me is being a victim.
Oh that's a good one.
Yeah. Is in a conversation where they're like poor me, poor this, like I'm struggling and it's this victim mode, and yeah, that's that's a huge one that you kind of know that you're kind of stuck and if you notice that you're doing it, that's the first step being aware and with the talking thing as well, like being aware, oh man, I am talking too much? Yeah, and how are you going to do? Some steps to go from here and noticing and then excelling into the next steps.
So when you're like in your ego of like poor me, life's happening to me. It's their fault, it's their problem. All these things always happen to me.
Blame in everyone else, Yeah, but yourself, And that's just it's just acting victim. Huge yep.
Another good one when I know I'm just regulated is when I have like a really short attention span or I'm like wanting to go on my phone a lot, like I'm needing that the validation they're like, oh, let me just see if someone message me, or that feeling of like I don't know, you just you need something, you need stimulation, like you actually can't be in your body. You need to escape.
Well on that note to me, that expand like that you need to numb yourself. Yes, and that's when like alcohol comes in or food, foods huge.
It's not alcoholpithic, it's me.
Or other substances like they're the numbing things that yeah, you just you have to escape. Yeah. I did that a lot, and it benefited me at the time because I had so much pain. It's really good done.
Nuts are really good.
The next one is sleep. I was finding myself for doing a lot of work on myself that I could never go to sleep, and I struggled to go to sleep, and I was always taking tablets to help me. I was drinking to help me go to sleep weirdly as well, and then I would wake up early. I was just thinking, why can't I just bloody sleep? But they had too
much in my head. Yeah, no space. It was just everything was going in my head and I knew it at the time, but that's that would have been a huge indicator for me to be in like you need to sort your sleep there because we need our sleep.
So true. I think one more for me is when I'm overly sensitive. So if like you know, Tim says something or something happens and I just have this like overwhelming emotion where I know it's probably not appropriate reaction, but it's like I just feel it in my soul.
I know.
I've come to work and be like, oh, Tim, he's really fucking me off today.
Yeah, that would happen. Or Georgia back in the day would make me cry because I would trigger her and she would just go and fight mode. Would I am light mode and I would just be like then I would end I'm crying pretty much, and then you'd be like, why you cry and fight me? It's just some raw rather with the love.
Actually that's a true story, but it's really true because you are your like your and that's even let's talk about that. So your response when you were dysregulated, Cooper does go like inward, it's very like he can't.
Just shut off.
Yeah, he shuts go quiet.
I'm like, come out.
Yeah, where I am like fight, I like erupt, I unleashed.
You haven't done it for a long time. I know, because I remember I started to do work on myself and you, I had so much more awareness and I was sorting all these things out inside of myself. And there was those cases of when you were in fight mode and you, yeah, wouldn't attack me in words, and I would be like, I would use my knowledge of like switching it around and putting it back on you, and I'd be like, why do you reckon You're like that little secret, And in the end, Georgia would and
I'm crying about itself. But it was just there was something deep that you got triggered and you had to let it out. But it come up in a way that isn't who you are, but it just had to get it out. And like, because you are the most loving person, one of the most loving persons I know, and I knew it was there, but this rage come out. But that's the pain, that's the triggers, and that's what we hold.
I go into defense. As soon as I triggered, It's like it feels like betrayal, like I'm so and that's how I know I'm just regulated because I go straight too. I'm like, oh, I'm trying to defend myself.
Here, so nasty.
Ah, guys, I have like a venomous tongue. That's what i'ld go aways off, like I go, something happens, I go straight in for the kill, don't it?
And I like say, then that doesn't happen. You're like this most beautiful, nicest person and happening.
I know, get it. I actually was thinking, I literally had a thought the other day of how much just how we good we are in business, since like doing all this work on ourselves, and like how regulated we both are so we can just like handle things so easily compared to previous we would have these fights and yeah, you would cry and I'd have to apologize, and it.
Was like this whole It wasn't all the time, so everyone wasn't all the time all the time. It was a time.
Drama.
Definitely.
That's how you know, you just regulate. You got like drama in your life, so now you kind of get the vibe what does it feel like? And you might been bethinking like, shit, guys, that's actually just my normal life. Like I feel that all the time.
And my personality.
It's just now, look I thought that too, But you absolutely can get to a place because think of it this way. When you're regulating your nervous system and someone like annoys the fuck out of you or triggers you, you have more space to step back and have awareness. Rather if you're already dysregulated, you're going to go straight
to like defense mode, fight or flight. So all regulating yourself is doing is like it's giving you those extra moments to not feed into the cycle, not feed into the patterns.
Yeah, it's just to give you a nervous system to stay on track. Like whenever we get triggered, we to go and it just you have to send this massive spike and then you've got to come down to where you're regulated and where you're normal. And it's to get to a point where you always have triggers and even the people that have done enormous amount of work on themselves, they still get them. But it's to regulate back down to the center part of your nervous system.
So it doesn't derail your whole day.
Yeah, beact that must happen here weeks who knows, but yeah, it's just come back to center.
So here are some tools to regulate your nervous system. I would say the first one is she says that she's had a coffee today. Limit your caffeine. One is my limit, and I know my limit.
That's good.
But I do notice sometimes if I have a second coffee because I'm tired or whatever, I'm always like, fuck, why did I do that? Because I'm so much more anxious. And again it's just like it's pushed. Let's say from a scale one to ten, I usually have like one to ten space for triggers, and then I have a coffee and I'm like at a five. So it's like something happens and it pushes me to an eight, whereas before it would have just pushed me to three or four.
In saying that, I'm all about you don't have to be all or nothing. So that's why I'm like, I do allow myself one. I have to not do it on an empty stomach, so I have to like have eaten, and you need to justify. I'm just justifying because I know you don't have caffeine and you're judging me I don't have coffee.
I'm I was like, I didn't say anything yes, Like, but you just listen to your body, like you just said, just when you get to that second one, it's no good. So just have one like it's all right that you do it like because you enjoy it, like that you get it benefits you. My biggest one is breath. So when I get triggered, I in the moment it can happen, like just do it in front of the person or
yourself or whatever and you're like, no, take three. Yeah, it's such a good practice because breath is everything, Like it can regulate and calm you down so fast, And just take three deep in hoals and ex hous the same in hell and then exil the same and that'll just complete, not completely, but that'll help you regulate your nervous system. And that's what I do. Like if you've got to close your eyes, just do it and you kind of get a bit of a zen and then
your heart will be not as elevated as well. And that's what I do. That's the first thing for me.
Love. Yeah, Well, off the back of that, I notice the biggest difference in my day, just the whole day, if I've done a meditation or not, if I've taken that time, and it's like it's being instead of it's being instead of being reactive, it's being proactive. And it's like before even I know I'm going to get triggered today, one of the first things I do is take some time to center myself, connecting with myself and to connect
with my breath. I do notice such a difference. Then the whole day is to do that meditation and then rather way time trigger to be like I'm going to go do the meditation in the car, it's like just doing it in the morning anyway. Yeah, Like do you meditate every day?
I'm such a huge believer in meditation and to meditate every day because like look at the evidence, Like look at all the bigger plans. No, they're evidence of all the the high level people that do talks and they're talking, like the people that do seminars and all that, and massive business owners. They all meditate. It's not it's not just the fluke like it's for reason and I do always think of that, but I yeah, I don't do
it every day. I do it every couple of days, but I just forget and there's something that I'm going to try a lot more harder this year, good because I know it can help me and I yeah, I do believe that. That's massive to start the day for me. I look into my biggest values and my top two is my wife and my kids. And if I haven't got time with them and they're not, that value hasn't been met, that bucket hasn't been met. Like that, I
don't feel right. And to regulate that if I need to check in on that, how am I gonna book in something with them or regulate that? Because once I have that connection with them and it's where I want it to be, then my nervous system is so much better.
Oh, I love that. I actually have an example of that this morning. So you know how you went to yoga this morning and I was supposed to come, but we had this recording. Well, I've recorded previous episodes I, so I wanted to come to yoga, but I worked out in my head if I went to yoga, I would be able to make the recording, but I wouldn't have any time with Ivy in the morning. So that's
why I'm made the decision. I wouldn't go to yoga, I'd do a walk instead so I could finish my walk and have an hour with her before I get ready, because I was like, that's really important to get that in before I head into a really important day of recording. So it's like, yeah, checking in with like those values and priorities and like what do I need to tick off first to then overflow into my other things?
Yeah?
Love that. Another way I regulate myself is with movement, like any sort of physical movement. I know, idiot, it's mine now, but I'll see I'll go with slow movement because that's my vibe right now. Is like, because I was doing weight training last year and I would like wake up at the Cracker dawn, go straight into weight training, and at weight training there was like full on, like
club music playing. The atmosphere is like so full on, I'm just like smacked work out because it was a hard workout, and I just realized how much that wasn't regulating my nervous system. I'd feel like hyped up, but then the whole day I would be like, let's fuck I go, which I completely served me sometimes, but because I was healing my dayness system, I was like, wait a minute, I probably should start my day with a
bit more slowness. And so I for a while now have been like doing pilates or yoga or just going for a walk, you know, with beautiful music or like a podcast and really easing into the day that day rather than this like hectic energy. That's been helpful for me.
I did think of another one that I very much loved to learn. And if I'm not got my mind on something like a business or like I've always had a business, but if you're not fully into it or learning something or evolving and gaining knowledge, I'm not good. I always tend to I used to tend to like TV a lot and just get stuck there because i'mthingking, I just got nothing to do. I'm just gonna vetch out and and then then get to the end of the day or the end of a couple of hours
on TV and think, why did I do that? Feel good? Like I don't.
It's an escape, Yeah.
It could have been, Yeah, definitely. And yeah for me to always be learning and challenging myself, that regulates me a lot, and I feel way more aligned and on path and yeah, way more satisfied.
Oh I love that. That is a good one of like knowing when to challenge yourself.
Yep.
Well to add to that too, not really to add to that, but.
I'm going to go for a long time.
My niche of regulation exercise is reading fantasy. It's not niche. The whole book talks on it, but no. But what I love about reading right now and I like really needed it at the end of last year because I was feeling a little bit burnt out. Was like having these moments where I can just go into another world and feel like do something for myself that's not productive, like just be and be in the present moment and be like I can just sit and relish.
In this What are you escaping from?
I was waiting for that. No, absolutely, I was talking to m from work and I was like, I honestly think us reading fantasy means something about us, but I'm not willing to look at it yet.
Challenging.
Look, it could be an escapism, but it's better than alcohol, so we it's better than alcohol drugs, so it's fine. But it has been really good because it's like, oh, I get to just like shut off for a bit b in this moment, and I think why it's good for me is because I'm an overly high performing person where every moment I had I would want to do something productive. So for me to do something that's quote unquote unproductive and enjoy it is really big for me.
Yeah, i'd say it's productive, but.
Yeah, anyway, some other little ones that we can tag on is like having phone free time. Oh, this is what's been so good with the reading. Oh my god, I've never not been on my phone as much since I got into the fantasy books. Because it turns Ivy goes to sleep and I'm like, see it, Tim, I'm upstairs reading my book. Don't touch my phone. Don't touch it in the morning.
Don't talk to me, don't even look at me. Get away. I wonder why you're reading that book.
No, it's the fantasy books have been amazing for our relationship.
I don't need.
I do need him, Honestly, the fantasy books have been an elite for the relationship because I'm feeling very frisky all the time, freaking me out.
Now, I told you this, I told you now. I told you actually should read the books.
Because that Ashley, she doesn't need to anyway.
Singing and dancing I put down, Like my favorite thing to do is I get home from work and I'm feeling a bit funky, and I put the TV on with music videos and me and Ivy dance in the living room.
It's really cool that you can do that, because I would find that I used to not be able to do that.
Why not.
I remember that Ash would listen to a song with the kids and she'd be dancing with Bodes and and that'll be dancing and they'd be like, come on, Coop, like come up, and I'd be like, nah, I'm not gonna. I don't want to dance. And that's like with my family, and I didn't want to.
But since like you felt embarrassed, yeah, or like you couldn't dance or something, yeah, I'll probably.
Yeah, probably I just felt uncomfortable. Okay, I didn't feel comfortable, which is really strange, and that's probably a good indicator that something's not right as well. And yeah, and so since doing the work on myself and being more there, like I started dancing with my kids and Ash and singing, and we had so much fun. But then I stepped into that and Body stopped dancing and he was embarrassed.
So I talked to him and I helped him regulate his nervous system and ask him why he didn't want to, and we got to the bottom of it and I had a really good conversation. He's eight, so he would have been six or seven, and like a few days a week after that, he started dancing again, Like I helped him get to that center again because something was not right in him. So it was really a good one.
Dancing so good. That was huge. It's a good indicator because you do that in the car, like I sing ye crazy in the car by myself.
Well do you know too? So like singing or even doing things like you know in yoga, how you'd they.
Go, oh oh, I reminded me of breath work and you did it.
I was like, do you know how to?
It was like the weirdest center I could saying, and you're like ah ah.
I was like, it's um, it's very judgmental, funny. Me and Gooble also did both work together, and he goes, your noises sound very sexual and it was very uncomfortable.
We were next to each other, guys. I was like, no, they didn't, and then I mimicked it and.
Yeah, but in the moment it didn't. It was just a natural noise.
But I was like, that's good, Like I felt that's good to get it out like it was.
It was really good, get that ship out of your body.
No, So did you know the actual like vocalizing that's actually something that helps regulate your nervous system. That's why in yoga, the olms and all that sort of thing. It's not just for fun. It helps, Yeah, like regular your nervous system.
Yeah, there's a cool breath work that I always listened to when I don't want to do it in my head and I need a bit of help, and it's to say, ah, like very similar sounds.
Ah.
Yeah.
So anything that like vibrates in your body, that's what it is. It's like, you know, you can also use those sorts of things to like realign your chakras.
Yeah, I'm singing that, yeah, shakra.
I love the words. Shut. My biggest thing that I've
always helped me regulate myself is journaling. So when the thoughts are all crazy in my head and they don't make sense, I journal and I write it down and then I look at the words and I'm like, oh, like they're just words, They're just thoughts, they're just feelings and it's it's just taking that moment to have reflection, to have a step of awareness, or again you're not in the reactivity, you have that space to be like, how do I want to act in this moment, rather than just reacting.
On that as well. I also like to journal, and it's very good to get the words out. But what I found at night time, when even though after I've done all this work, I still have nights here and there that just something's not right. But it's usually when something's going on, something BIG's happening. It's to get at
your journal. Sometimes I don't have it, and I get my phone and mind dump, so I put all of what's on my mind in my phone or whatever, and then once I do that, I go to sleep so easy, like I've just offloaded everything and it's not in my mind and I can go regulate my nervous system and go to sleep. So if you get stuck, that's like that's a huge tool y.
I also find just getting out into nature and sunshine, Oh yeah, that's good. Like if I'm not feeling one hundred percent, if I'm feeling a bit depressed, if I'm just feeling anxio, if I have a weekend of full nature. I'm off my phone really like putting bare feet into the soil and like going for a swim the ocean, those sorts of things. Oh my god, that helps me
so much. So that's kind of that's all mine. That's a lot lots to do there, But Coop, I thought to end this episode, I wanted to ask you, Let's say Ashley is super disregulated and she comes to you, what's the kind of like step by step process that you would do of like what you could do. So it's going to be really helpful for like someone who deals with disregulated people or if they can do that to themselves.
Also, yeah, the partners and all everyone around you. The thing is first is take a few deep breaths, like
I've said. Then if you're the person that is trying to help the other person, the best thing for you to do is give them safe space to talk and be vulnerable and don't like it's all about them, like don't bring it on yourself and be like, oh yeah, that's what happened to me, And then you go into yourself like in that moment, it's their hold, hold space and give it to them and keep asking them questions like go deeper and deeper and if they say, oh, I didn't like this, or and you say why didn't
you like this? How come? How come is a lot nicer than why, but if you say why, and they'll feel more safe when you do that, And that's something I've learned an LP like it's the meta model of getting deeper, getting more connection, and by doing that, they'll be full vulnerable by the end of it, and they would have released everything consciously in that omen and they would feel safe. And that's that's the end result that you want to get to because I.
Think also it's making them feel seen and heard. So it's like doing whatever you need to do.
So yeah, yeah, because it is like when a us are quite a person says this to a person that's more dominant and they just want to fix them. And this usually happens with a male and a female, and a male's my experience.
Wants to fix solution orientated, just like.
Let's thought this out. Yeah, we just want to fix it. And this happens vice versta Like it's like push it down and be happy.
It's all good. There's actually something me and Tim have like has been really big for our communication is like when he's you know, just regulated or he's like triggered or whatever, and he'll say to me, I'll say to him, do you want a solution or do you just need me to listen? Yeah, communication having that in the conversation, So he's like, no, like I just want to rant.
Just fucking listen to me, because otherwise I am very much like my father, and I'm quite masculine in the way of like I want to find a solution for him because I want to help him, but he just needs me to listen. He just needs me to hold space.
Yeah, so you've got to be team the other person one hundred percent.
You need to seen and heard and validated to become more regulated and then you could make a better decision.
Yeah. Just support, Like I always say this to our parents as well and to myself and my wife, Like all you need is love and support. Like that's such a big thing in a conversation in life as well.
But yeah, all right, guys, Well, thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Come and up in our Facebook group because that's where we chat about all these interesting topics. Thank you, Thank you. So much for listening to another episode of the Rise and Concer podcast. If you enjoyed it and want more, come connect with us on Instagram at Riseinconquer dot podcast and join our Facebook discussion group, a Rise and Concer podcast community.
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