Being at rock bottom is a solid foundation from which to change, from which to transform to build something new. And it's those rock bottoms which actually give us the motivation to do something about what's not working.
Hello, and welcome back to the Rise and Conker podcast. It is your host, Georgie Stephenson. As some of you may know, I'm currently on maternity leave, so Tim and I are soaking up the newborn bubble and new parent life with our little baby girl. But I did not want to leave my ron C fan with nothing, so we are bringing back the best bits of the Rise
and Conquer podcasts. We have nearly over two hundred episodes, so I thought it would be a cool idea to bring you snippets from the most listened to, the most talked about episodes and just give you the best bits in a mini episode. So be prepared to get straight into juicy topics, to feel inspired, to feel motivated, empowered and of course informed. These episodes are shorter, but they're just full of the best bits. If you did like this mini app, make sure you go to the show
notes where we have linked the full episode. And I just want to say I really appreciate you guys. Still supporting the show while I'm taking some time off to enjoy Baby Girl, and I just can't wait to be back in your ears with fresh episodes in the new year. We have been planning the next season and there are so many exciting guests and surprises, So I really hope you enjoy this mini episode. Let's get straight into the show.
Yeah, I mean, I'm a huge fan of rock bottoms. Anyone who's listening, if you're in a rock bottom like this is a really good thing. Being at rock bottom is a solid foundation from which to change, from which to transform, to build something new. And it's those rock bottoms which actually give us the motivation to do something
about what's not working. When you're kind of just cruising through life and things are all right, that's a dangerous place to be in because you're not going to have the motivation to change and you're not going to have the motivation to go after the things that you want. Because, like, my soul was dehydrated, so you know, I had to do something at that point.
And I'm so grateful for all of the.
Challenges and things that I've been through in the trauma and stuff, because it's been the game changer for me. It's what helped me change and it's what helped me have the life that I have now.
And I love that you've sort of taken a native taking those really low times and now realize that you sort of that needed to happen, Like everything happens for a reason, and that's what's got to the place where you're at now. And obviously you are like thriving, so that's amazing.
Aw thank you.
Can you talk to us like define what is confidence?
Confidence is many things, but essentially it's an energy. So what most of us.
Think confidence is is being extroverted or being bold, or taking loads of selfies or something like that. But what confidence is is it's an inner energy. It's really important to say that it's not being extroverted, because there are a lot of people who are very introverted who feel really bad about themselves because they're never going to be that extroverted, bold in your face person because that will
physically drain them. Confidence is an inner knowing and inner energy, and it's essentially a relationship of trust with your so trusting that you will show up for yourself, trusting that you will be in integrity with the person that you want to become. What confidence is is being an integrity with our values. So if I say that I want to be a kind and authentic person, if I'm there being a people pleaser, I'm not creating that trusting relationship
with myself. So if you imagine a relationship with a friend or a partner, if they said that they were going to do a bunch of things and then they did a bunch of other things, they wouldn't be very good trust there. They wouldn't be reliability. You wouldn't believe in that person to be who they said they were going to be.
And it's the same with ourselves. So confidence is this energy.
That we embody on the inside, and it's the energy of trust and a trusting relationship with who we are.
That's so interesting, Like, I love how you explained that, but I've never heard it explain that way, But it makes so much sense. I love that, and we're going to get so much more into that. But you did touch on experiencing that comparison with each other, and I do find, especially in women, we do definitely tend to compare ourself to other people, and especially other women in so many circumstances why do you think it's like second nature to us as women to compare ourselves to others around us.
Oh my god, this is such a big problem. So all I do a lot of talks. I'm a speaker as well, and the comparison thing is always the question that gets asked. It's the thing that comes up with my coaching clients. It's rife. So comparison. Let's just start
from the beginning. So when we're born, sometimes that starts to come into the equation because we have lots of siblings and we're being compared to them academically, or if you're maybe a slightly more I don't want to say naughty but self express child, you can say, why can't you be.
More like your sister? That's something that might be said.
And these little, seemingly innocent things start to imprint on our growing brain. When we're young, we don't have that logical brain fully formed yet, we have our limbic brain, which is our emotional brain, and this is where the
confidence stuff starts to come out of. So then we go into schools, and schools are basically a comparison machine, right, So we're put into different grades and subsets and marks are compared against each other, and we're put into an array of subjects that potentially we're not amazing at every single one of them. And then we're taught to focus on the subject or the grade that isn't as good
as the others, rather than focus on our strengths. So we're kind of conditioned and brought up in a culture that teaches us to focus on what's wrong and to look around it how other people are doing it, and in doing that.
We negate all of our strengths.
We turn a blind eye to all of the things that we're good at. And you know, there's a great quote that says comparison is the art of appreciating someone else's gifts and not your own, And I think that that's just the perfect summary of it, because when our
focus is turned outwards, it's not turned inwards. So when we compare ourselves, we don't give ourselves an opportunity to lean into our strengths or to even potentially make those strengths better or develop them, because we're so obsessed with creating I guess equality in these areas that we're not as good in with the people who are amazing in those areas. It's really unfair. It's an unfair gain to
put ourselves into. Biologically, this exists because you know, in an ancient culture where we belong to communities, if you were allegated or outcasts from a community, you wouldn't survive the night. So in order to assimilate, in order to be like the tribe or like the community, we would focus on what the community's like, and we'd look to the adults as babies to figure out how we should behave and what the what the norm was. Essentially, so
this is programmed really really deeply into us. But the thing is it doesn't work anymore. It doesn't work in a modern context.
That is so interesting and I really resonated with when you were talking about how we focus on other people's strengths. You know, we try and equal up to them instead of focusing on what we're good at and trying to lean in and better that. R and Sea fam, are you currently trying to grow your hair, get glowing skin and nails, or help your gut health, Well, look no further because Naked Harvest's collagen powder is here to change
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today's episode. Do you have any tools that we can use if, like, you know, when we get in that mindset where we are constantly comparing ourselves.
Definitely, so you've got to focus on your strengths. So something that is super simple that you can do. I have all my clients and the women in my academy do this is to write a full page, not in your phone, in a journal with a pen, old school way and write a full page, which I call owning your sparkle. So to own your sparkle is to write down everything that is unique, special and amazing about you.
And the reason that I say do it by hand is because you're going to call on that mind map.
You're going to call on that piece of paper when you're having a really bad day, when you're having doubt before you're going into the boardroom, or when you're having doubt when you're in your relationship or in your friendship, or with what you want to do in your life, and you're going to get that page out and see it in your own handwriting and see a full page of things that are great about you.
This is super powerful because.
What we do normally when we want to feel confident is we might listen to somebody on Instagram talking about it or a podcast and they say, you know, just just honor you and just think about the great things about you. But in the same way that if I want to go get fit, I can't just think about going to the gym. I have to have a practice. I have to take an action. So when we take in action to feel the way we want to feel, we actually help our brain to re ingrain that new belief.
So we re ingrain that new process around what do I do physically when I feel self doubt? And that is to go and honor your strength. So having this map is a really easy one because you can put it on your bathroom mirror and look at it every day. You can have it under your pillow when you're you know, having a cry after work or whatever the situation is.
So this is a real game changer. The other thing that I would recommend is when you're comparing yourself to somebody, ask yourself, is what I am comparing in that person something that I would really like to cultivate in me? And I'm not talking about booties and you know the way someone's makeup looks. I'm talking about things that are tied to your desires, or your values, or potentially a career that you want to go into, or your purpose.
You know this kind of big stuff, right, And when you see someone doing that and you feel that comparison, ask yourself, do I want to do that? And am I inspired by that? And that can just really change the whole energy around the comparison, because instead of it becoming this unattainable thing, it becomes an aspiration. And what you may even like to do is reach out to that person and tell them that you really admire that
in them. That will lift a lot of the shame that you're experiencing, and also you might create a closeness with that person. They may give you some tips that can help you in your aspiration to cultivate whatever that is.
And this is a tool that I use all the time in business because I'm surrounded by amazing women who you know, are internationally acclaimed coaches and speakers and authors, And I always, always, always compliment them on the thing that I'm potentially comparing myself to in them, because I admire it, and I know that that comparison feeling is usually inspiration and admiration for them.
So I want to search gears again, and I want to talk to you about how you deal with confidence after taking, you know, quite a big life event, whether it is a loss or a breakup or something big like that that really shapes you. So what do you usually tell your clients when they.
Come to you with a problem like this?
And how can someone build themselves back up after something like this.
So these are the two things that tend to inspire people to come and see me. I deal with a lot of breakups and then also, really sadly, a lot of women who come to me after they've lost a loved one or a parent, and these things are really really confidence breaking. Often they bring to the surface a lot of underlying issues. So these things can be really traumatizing, and they bring up a lot of old wounds in the existing wound. So what I usually tell clients is
to start focusing on their values. So what we normally do is we focus on what we need in our lives to validate us. And when we lose someone that is important to us, a lot of alarm bells go off because we feel abandoned, we feel lost, we feel stuck. And the values can be a really good way of helping you to get back into motion and to feel good about who you are. So self kindness is always
going to have to come first. So when we're having a breakup, or we're having a really hard time, or we're grieving, self kindness is the foundation that we need to begin with, and that means having a self kindness practice. So writing a gratitude list, but writing a gratitude list about who you are, focusing on the things that you're
doing well in the day. So even if you've had the most horrific day, writing down what your three wins were for the day, even if it was I didn't have a meltdown in the boardroom or I didn't yell at so and so when I wanted to, and you know, finding those little glimmers of positivity in a time that's really hard for you is going to be so important to getting your self esteem and your resilience back on track. When it comes to the values themselves, I encourage people
to write a list of their values. This is really quite a weird one for a lot of people when I asked, because they say, I don't know what my values are, and we need to get really really clear on what what our values are. Who do we want to become because life is happening right now, and sometimes when we lose someone, that really brings that up, that realization that our life is happening right now and we're running out of time and we're not becoming the people that we want to become.
So when we focus on.
These values over being validated by our job or our boyfriend, or our clothes or how much money we have, and we focus on the fact that maybe we'll want to be a kind person and we want to be an authentic person, and we want to make a difference to people's lives, we can start to shift our life and shift our actions and our behaviors to match those values. And that's when the real magic, the real healing, and the self esteem after a loss can really start to show up.
I was just thinking, like it's so amazing that you were helping women with these things, because sometimes they can be like simple things that we need to do and mindset changes, but we need the guidance and the tools to make those changes and you know, transform our lives. So it is really amazing that you're doing this sort of work.
Oh, thank you.
I mean, my whole story started with a breakup that was the real kind of breaking point that.
Led to the downward spirals.
So I come from a place of a lot of compassion for anyone who's going through this, and these are the tools that I use. But I just was making it up at the time and using journals and then seeing coaches, you know, and I try and tell people now what I wish I had have known back then, and it was just always always start with your values and start with a person that you want to become. Because we can ever control life. We can't control whether someone's going to break up with us, we can't control
whether someone's going to die. We can't control if we're going to keep or lose our job, or keep or lose our house. But we can always, always, always control who we are being in every moment and how we're showing up.
Thank you for listening for another rn C episode. I really appreciate taking the time to be here with me, and also for taking the time for yourself. If you found this episode helpful, it would be so amazing if you shared it on your stories and tagged us, or simply just send it on to a girlfriend or family member who would benefit from listening. We are an independent podcast run by me and my amazing podcast manager, so it would mean the world to us if you left
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