So seventy percent of women cannot orgasm through penetration. So I don't know about this person, but I think it sounds like she might be aiming a little bit out of out of kind of her scope.
Hello and welcome back to the Rise and Conker Podcast. It is your host, Georgie Stephenson. As some of you may know, I am currently on maternity leave, so Tim and I are soaking up the newborn bubble and new parent life with our little baby girl. But I did not want to leave my ron C fan with nothing, so we are bringing back the best bits of the
Rise and Conqer podcast. We have nearly over two hundred episodes, so I thought it would be a cool idea to bring you snippets from the most listened to, the most talked about episodes and just give you the best bits in a mini episode. So be prepared to get straight into juicy topics, to feel inspired, to feel motivated, empowered, and of course informed. These episodes are shorter, but they're just full of the best bits. If you did like this mini app, make sure you go to the show
notes where we have linked the full episode. And I just want to say I really appreciate you guys still supporting the show while I'm taking some time off to enjoy Baby Girl, and I just can't wait to be back in your ears with fresh episodes.
In the new year.
We have been planning the next season and there are so so exciting guests and surprises coming up, so I really hope you enjoy this mini episode. Let's get straight into the show.
So what I did is I have a private Facebook community Paige for this podcast, and I put a little question thing in there and just said, hey, guys, I'm getting you know a psycho sexologist on the show. Do you have any questions for hair? And we had so many questions, so I'm really excited to get into those with you. So I guess the most common one that came up was about libido and sex drive. And the question that did come up a lot is what affects libido and how can we improve it or I've got
inverted commas fix it. I know a lot of people have certain medical conditions like a pill or any depressants or a stress can affect too, but if you can just go into that a bit more.
Of course, I mean, libido can be affected by anything and I think we actually have to talk a little bit more about desire as well. Desire is owning the fact that you want something. It's like waking up in the morning and going, I know that I really want an almond melt cappuccina. Obviously that's such intel choice, but I get excited about it when I wake up. I know that I'm going to order it and it's going to be bougie. It's going to arrive at my house via Uber eats for a thing, and I'm going to
get a large one. So I know that it's coming. I'm excited for it. I'm already in a essential sensory experience of something that hasn't even been put in my hands or I haven't even taken a sip of yet. That is what desire is. It's owning the fact that I want to have that experience, that I'm excited about that experience, and that I can get into a sensory experience with something that isn't even there yet. That is
what desire is about. And when we lose our desire for life, for sex, for anything, then we lose our imagination and that can be a real crisis in life. And I think that with libido. It is really tough because we have so many things that can affect libido, whether it be antidepressants, whether it be hormones, you know, whether it be life stress. And you know, we've got to admit we've got a lot of stress going on at the moment. There's so many things that can really
affect it. Now, in terms of a formula to fix it, I can't give you one. That's what my whole, you know, career is based off. It's based off me looking at you as an individual and giving you the tools you need to fix what's going on in your individual circumstances. So when I'm in session with someone, I'm very delicately picking apart what's going on for them as an individual, whether that be medical so that I can get them checked out from a medical point of view, or whether
that be psychological or so biological or relational. We need to look at them from a biological, psychological, sociocultural point of view, and also interpersonal what's going on within their intimate personal lives so that I can fix their lack of libido and raise it to a point where they feel healthy enough to keep going. I also think that
we have to remember that sex is not spontaneous. After a period of time, you know, when we get into a new sexual relationship, we have these beautiful endorphins that rush around our body and that make us feel really alive, and they last for about eighteen months, and then we have to actually start making a real effort and look into responsive desire. That means, mainly for women, we need
to be touched. We need to be able to get aroused before we start feeling that desire, and that means that we just need to put a little bit of body work in before we're able to jump into the zone and go, yes, I'm accepting, I'm willing to take this essentially. I think also for a lot of males as well these days, they need to be free of performance anxiety as well, which means I don't know if I'm going to be able to do the right thing.
I don't know whether I'm going to my body's going to react in the way that I want, and it starts building tension and stress inside the body. Stress does not equal sex. And it's my job to be a team with you to help you figure out how to be able to manage your stress and your sexuality and
move forward in the healthiest way. Emily Nagowski, who's another sexologist, has a really great book called Come as You Are, and in that book she talks about how we need to view our body almost like it is a car. You have accelerators towards sexuality. That means that you're putting your foot on the gas pedal and moving forward. And you have breaks on your sexuality, and that means anything that potentially impair your feeling of wanting to have sex. Both the gas and the break are on a low
level all the time. And what we need to do is turn off a lot of those well, turn off the turnoffs essentially, so that your foot is able to be on the accelerator a little bit more and you're able to move forward rather than keep stagnant or move backwards. Right, yes, one hundred yeah. So some accelerators could be, you know, feeling good within yourself, having a healthy diet, you know, really enjoying your work, really enjoying your partner, you know,
feeling sexy and strong in your body. Some breaks could be feeling lethargic, having a lot of stress on grief, you know, not enjoying your relationship, not enjoying yourself, and what we want to do is reduce the amount of those breaks and really pick up and highlight those.
Excel Yes, so would you recommend people almost being a bit more in tune about you know, what turns them off and what turns them off? And also, I guess I wanted to ask, is it quite normal for people to have, you know, a low libido, because that's kind of the common thread in the group I saw of women asking, you know, is it normal that I don't want to have sex all the time?
I think it's normal for libido to fluctuate, but it is something that we have to actively work on. So it depends on the stage of that person. It depends on what's going on in their lives. If anyone is really worried about it, then book a consultation, let me help you out. You don't need to figure that out by yourself. At the end of the day, it's normal for me for you to have fluctuations in our sexuality, in our desire, and also to have sexual problems. At
some point, everyone will or their partner will. And when we have a partner with sexual problem and becomes our sexual problem.
I guess that's also super comforting to know that it's not that, Like you said, like it's completely normal. Everyone goes through it. So I want to switch gears and let's check orgasms. One listener asked, how can I achieve an orgasm through penetration? I feel so defeated when this doesn't happen.
So seventy percent of women cannot orgasm through penetration. So I don't know about this person, but I think it sounds like she might be aiming a little bit out of out of kind of her scope, you know. I think it's completely normal for women to not be able to orgasm through penetration, and that's because what we need is to have clitteral stimulation in order to orgasm. The clitteris is full of eight thousand nerve endings externally, we
should design purely for pleasure. For women who can orgasm through penetration, usually it's with them on top on a forty five degree angle and they're rubbing up and down and the penis that they're on top of, or the vibrator or the dildo is rubbing against the internal literal nerves inside of vagina, and that takes a lot of work.
I encourage this person if she wants to give it a try, if she is having sex with someone with a penis, to sit on top of them, face them, and lean down towards them and move up and down very steadily, but actually get into her breathing. So I want her to start breathing through her nose and then you're gonna laugh at me, but feel like she's breathing that air out through her vulva, out through her vagina, because we want to bring her awareness to the sensation
that is happening down in that area. If she keeps doing that at a steady pace, and maybe she can have some music going so she's able to keep in time with the tempo, then maybe after a period of time she will begin to feel an orgasmic experience building It does take a lot of practice, and it also isn't feasible for some people, so please don't put pressure
on yourself. If you can't get there, then you know what, You've got two fingers, Or you might have a clitteral vibrator that you can just hold on top of your glitterists and use that to feel the pleasure as well. But you know what, I think we learn a lot about sexuality from porn, which is not meant to be educational, it's meant to be entertaining, and porn shows us all these women having orgasms to penetration, which is just isn't the case.
I'm laughing. That's so true, isn't it. Yeah, well, thank you so much for shedding light on that, and that's satistic. Definitely surprises me.
Actually, I think, you know, it's super common. There's also about you know, fifteen percent of women who can't orgasm at all. I have a lot of people coming in and saying I can't orgasm, and then I go, well, what about if you're a self pleasuring and they go, oh, I can orgasm them just not with a partner, And that just shows me that they need a bit of help in navigating how to do it with a partner.
They probably need a really good clitteral vibrator as well, that we'll be able to bring different types of sensations and fingers and mouths and hands and penises cannot do. We just need a little bit of extra help sometimes and probably a lot more work around body awareness and sensation awareness. So that's something that I can definitely help with. And if you are struggling, then just book a session and I would be happy to get you on the right track.
Amazing. Thank you for listening for another R and C episode. I really appreciate taking the time to be here with me, and also for taking the time for yourself. If you found this episode helpful, it would be so amazing if you shared it on your stories and tagged us, or simply just send it on to a girlfriend or family member who would benefit from listening. We are an independent podcast run by me and my amazing podcast manager, so it would mean the world to us if you left
a review on the Apple podcast app. Also, if you're vibing this podcast and the concepts we're chatting about and your craving community, please come and join us over at the RNC podcast community Facebook group. Just search Rise and Conquer podcast community on Facebook and I will be in there to chat to you until next time.