Hi, and welcome to the Rise and Conquer Podcast. I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson. I am a lawyer and health coach, social media influencer, wife and dog mum. On the Rise and Conquer Podcast, we dive deep into all things mindset, habits, career, health, relationships and more. This is a podcast for women who want to rise up to be the best version of themselves, who have big dreams in who are willing to put
in the work to get there. I want to bring you the tools and actionable steps to feel confident in yourself, inspired to take bold action, and motivated to conquer your goals. Are you with me, girl friends, Let's rise and conquer. Hi, guys, and welcome to another episode of the Rise and Conquered Podcast. Today we are rising up and conquering our mind with special guests Stephanie Quom. She is a mindset mastery coach,
hypnotherapist and host of the Rise Higher podcasts. She supports entrepreneurs and leaders to identify and remove mental roadblocks and redesign their subconscious mind to achieve their next level. Her deep passion is to empower people to turn their dreams into reality by aligning the inner world to the outer
results they want to create. In this episode, we chat about the practice of hypnotherapy, how we can change our subconscious mind, how to break out of bad habits and bad patterns, and how to reprogram our beliefs for the better. This is such a good episode and I cannot wait to share it with you. Guys. Welcome to the show, Stephanie.
Thank you so much for having me.
Of course, I'm so excited about the conversation today. But before we get into the good stuff, as this is the Rise and Conker Podcast, what is one thing big or small that you are rising up and conquering this week?
This is actually very timely for me, something that I'm I would say rising. I don't know if it's necessarily a conquering, but a very dear friend of mine recently passed away and I was literally at his celebration of life last night. And he was a guy who lived big, big spirit, huge light, super lux is how he lived his life. I mean they did. It was cocktail attire to go to his celebration of life, so so beautiful.
That was such a representation of him. But while last night was super joyful and fun and so many laughs and tears hearing the stories that everybody had of what an incredible man he was. I'm really working to rise through the grief and to conquer that, I would say, yeah, and I'm being gentle with myself to move through it as well.
Oh my gosh, my condolences. That's really amazing that you did celebrate his life in a way that seems like it resonated with his personality too. That's really lovely.
Oh yeah, it was really really special.
Thank you for sharing that with us. And I am glad that you spoke about rising up to grief. But I wanted to give the audience a bit of a snapshot of you. Could you tell the audience just a bit about yourself and how you help people?
Sure? So I work with driven and ambitious people to really help them to identify what is holding them back from what they want. So often people desire something and they keep hitting walls or are stuck in patterns and they can't break through. So I really help those people to identify what's holding them back and then to reprogram their minds so that they can break the barriers that have been keeping them for sometimes years or their entire life from reaching their goals so that they can live
to their highs potential. So whether that's in business, health, relationships, or how they even just feel about themselves. And I do that through a lot of different ways. I have just a very small one on one practice. I have a very select group of people I work with, but I also facilitate like an online program it's called Become, and it's a three month course where I really help people to release perfectionism, ditch procrastination, and stop postponing their greatness.
And that's a lot of the inner work and the reprogramming. And then I also do it through my online courses, so whether that's through Believe my Self Love or self hypnosis course, or through my Self Love course as well, lots of different ways.
Yes, it's so intricate. I love it, and so I am very interested. You are a hypnotherapist and you teach people about the power of the sub conscious mind, and this interests me a lot. As I was saying before we started recording, I actually started seeing a psychologist recently to deal with my anxiety, and she has spoken a lot about the subconscious mind. And to be honest, before that, it was never on my radar. It's not something I even thought about, and so it's kind of timely that
this is all happening at the same time. So I wanted to go into this a little bit. So what is hypnotherapy and how did it change your life? I know it did, so you know it to that.
Hypnotherapy it's a proven therapeutic process where you work with somebody in hypnosis, a practitioner to help you successfully reach your goals. Basically, you put you into a trance like state. It's the Theta state if you were to if you want to get scientific, it's when you're in the theater brainwave state, which is about three to eat hurts, and in that state, some people will say it feels like
you're in a deep state of meditation. And when you're in that state, you are in a very focused state of awareness, your physical bodies relaxed, and you are open and suggestible during that time, meaning that if there's something we want to program into your subconscious mind right now, you might think I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, or it's not safe for me to make mistakes and fail right that could be what is causing anxiety. I'm
just throwing that out there. Too, because that's something that I was dealing with, which is why I would self sabotage a lot with procrastination and not doing things. But I had a deep seated belief that it's not safe for me to make mistakes and fail, which I learned that or I decided that as a little girl, and that would put me into a state of low grade
anxiety through most of my life. And when you're in this heightened state of awareness and you're open and suggestible, that's when someone like a practitioner like myself can actually say that you are safe to make mistakes and fail, and your brain will receive that as true versus in the conscious time. Right like when you and I are talking, we're in our conscious mind. If I were to tell you, George, you're safe to make mistakes and fail, your conscious mind goes,
what the heck are you talking about? No, it's not I can't do it, and that's when it starts to block it. But when you're in that state of hypnosis, that's when your brain is actually more apt to receive these suggestions as true so that we can embed them into the subconscious part of your mind.
So how do you almost know what is blocking the subconscious mind or what the thoughts are that you need to get over. How do you sort of find that out?
Yeah, So for me, I mean I've been highly trained in a lot of different modalities, so even through the conscious part of me speaking to my clients, I can pretty much identify what the limiting belief is or what's holding them back, and then when I put them into hypnosis, your subconscious mind is a recorder. It literally holds every single moment in time. It holds every sound, every image,
every sense, every scent, everything you've heard. And so what we do when you're in that state of hypnosis, we can actually command the subconscious mind to reveal the times in your life where these limiting beliefs started forming for you. And once you're able to locate the root, the source of it, you can then rewrite it in the subconscious mind. And there's a lot of different ways of one entering into this state of hypnosis and then two working with
a subconscious mind when you're in that state. So it's not just one process. It really depends on what are we trying to work through. So for example, let's say with your anxiety, right, or say myself, I actually just recently had a client who came to me because she has massive anxiety and she would wake up in the
morning already anxious. And her thing is, she goes, I want to be present, because I realized that I spend so much of my time trying to forecast the future that I'm not present and I don't experience joy because I'm in a constant state of anxiety. So I did this one process with her where I put her into hypnosis and then we regressed her back to find the root and the source of this anxiety for her. And there was a few different moments in time of her
past that were revealed when this came up. I mean, there was one time when she was three years old and she was just looking at the window in her family room and her dad came up to her and slapped her on the bottom, and she was shocked and scared and so already it was she decided, WHOA, I have to be on alert all the time, right. And then there was another moment in time that we discovered
where she was twelve years old. I think I was like twelve thirteen, and she had scored I think like a ninety percent or ninety two percent on a standardized test, and she comes from a Russian family, and so when she went to tell her parents, they asked her why she didn't get a hundred and yet her friend who was also Russian, got eighty something percent and her parents celebrated it. So now all of a sudden, her perfectionism kicked in right as a little girl. She decided, ninety
two isn't enough. I have to push and get the hundred, otherwise I'm going to lose love and approval for my parents. And then there was another moment in time where something came up where she was punished for something that if she didn't perform. She it was through a sport that her coach is like, she didn't perform, they'd have to do these crazy drills, which is basically, if you mess up, you're gonna get punished. And so there could have been
more moments in time. I only pulled three for her, but we could already tell that these occurring when she was younger, had her decide I'm not safe. I have to be perfect. I always have to score or well, if I fail, I'm going to get punished. I can just be relaxing looking out a window. And I don't know what's going to come up behind me and smack me on the bottom and get in trouble for something
I didn't do. So all of this stacked together for her, and probably more when she was younger, had her develop this anxiety, and anxiety really is a feeling of not being safe. We actually work a lot with anxiety and hypnosis and for many people who struggle with anxiety or even some depression, it is a learned behavior and will not all learned. I take that back. Depression can be a true chemical imbalance, but some of it can be learned.
If you observed a parent who struggled with depression, you know you can pick up because your parents are modeling behaviors towards you, and you might pick up some of their behaviors. But with anxiety, it's usually a I'm not safe. And when we support people and feelings safe right having her see, you're not that three year old little girl anymore,
You're not that twelve year old. You're not the fourteen year old or the eight year old where something happened to you and you interpreted reality in a certain way, you made up a belief about yourself. Then we have them see that they're not that little kid anymore. We can then heal that and then reprogram. But most people as adults are operating from a programming from when they were little kids, like basically up to the point when
they're ten years old, ten to twelve. They say that you actually stop by the time you're twenty five, but that's more minimal in terms of the programming. But when you are born, from birth until about eight years seven eight years old, you're pretty much in a pure hypnotic state, meaning you are open and suggestible to whatever people tell you.
So if someone tells you you're smart, especially a parent, right the people you're looking up to, you're smart, You're stupid, you're pretty, you're ugly, you can do anything you want to do. Life is hard. You got to work hard for anything that you want, buy whatever you want, or
we can't get ahead in our bills. So we're learning all these things right of our relationship with money, our relationship with whether we can trust or not trust, if we are taught to believe that we can achieve anything, or that we're I don't know if we can cuss
on this like a piece of crap. So I didn't say, I didn't say the custom word, but the piece of crap, but that that is, that's what we're programmed, and then that becomes our operating system, and we navigate life as an adult with those set of beliefs that were decided when you were a little kid. And it wasn't even your decision, it's whatever people told you, and your parents are putting their programming into you based off of what their parents told them. So that's why you learned that
there's this whole generational programming that happens. And then there's a cultural programming, right that we have here, etc. Like I'm Chinese, so there's definitely like Chinese programming that I have that I know my American friends don't have. And who's right or wrong neither. It's just what you were programmed with.
One hundred percent. And so you're saying, like the subconscious is formed as we are growing up from these things. You know, these moments or events that don't necessarily have to have a massive impact, but they form our subconscious, which then forms our patterning and our programming. Is that correct?
Yeah, so your subconscious is actually already there. It's its job is to store and retrieve data, and so it's imagine it's just a blank slate, you're born with that. And what happens is we're actually putting the programming into the subconscious, and then it's not forming the subconscious, it is actually forming your belief systems and your identity right, who you think you are, how you see yourself, and then you live life based off of that a programming.
So if you as an example, I had another client. He came to me actually to break an addiction and because he wanted to be in relationship with a woman, and he was really saw that that was he had a certain type of addiction that would not let him relate to women in a certain way. And we did a similar process that I was telling you about, and we discovered when he was three years old, he was playing with his toys in his closet. His dad came in. His dad said, play with it like this. He didn't
want to do it. He did it his way and his dad said no. And I said, how did that make you feel? And he said stupid? And his whole body dropped and he started crying. And I learned that he came up out of hypnosis and he goes, oh, I cannot believe that, he goes Stephane. I've been struggling my entire life thinking that I'm stupid. I built this multimillion dollar company that I have to prove that I'm not dumb. And it wasn't even a trauma Georgie, right,
it was like explained with aoys. Yeah. And a lot of times people go, I don't know what's wrong with me? Like, I had a good childhood. I wasn't abused, I wasn't neglected, I didn't have controlling or neglectful parents. I don't get it. Why do I feel stopped, you know, when I want to achieve something. Why do I keep getting in my own way? Why do I believe that I'm not good enough? Why do I believe that I'm unlovable? My parents loved me.
Yeah, yeah, see that's really crazy that you're saying that, because I even spoke on my social media about seeing a psychologist, and I said, I honestly wish I did it a lot sooner. But what stopped me is I told myself basically that my problems weren't like I would say. You know, people have it so much worse than me. These feelings almost were undeserving, if that makes sense. So like I was like, oh, things aren't bad enough, I
shouldn't need to see anyone or anything like that. So it's quite quite nice for you to kind of of, I guess reinforced that sometimes it doesn't have to be this big you know, trauma or big event. It can be very simple things that in our subconsciously can.
I mean, you hear that even the examples of you know, say someone your mom forgot to pick you up from school when you were five, and then you decide I must not be good enough because if I was, she would have remembered to pick me up. And you know that that's not the truth. But your little kid brain can't. The conscious mind, the part of your mind that is the logical it has the ability to make decisions, analyze, and have the reasoning skills that's not formed and developed yet.
So you're making up these weird decisions and beliefs and stories in your mind as a little kid without really having all the evidence. But you don't know any better. And so sometimes you know if or maybe your parents looked at you a certain way, and you're like, uh, oh, when I did this, they looked at me this way. That means I'm bad and wrong for doing that, and
you might stop doing that thing. But it could just be that they turned and looked and you thought they were looking at you, but they didn't mean to or they weren't right. Yes, so there's all these silly things
that then get implanted. We make decisions about ourselves or about the world, or we're literally taught them by our parents, whether even things like you know you have to work hard, or or rich people are evil because I know so many people struggle with money, and so you could have heard that or seen that growing up, and then that
becomes your money consciousness. And then what happens is your subconscious mind's job is to make everything that you say and do fit into a pattern that's consistent with what you believe and with your self concept, your identity, who you see yourself as. Right, So we start to work our behaviors to keep validating who we think we are and what we think the world is. Yeah, so that's why we can continue to getting the same results. And
it's so crazy. This is the wild part, girl, is we will literally delete and distort information to fit into our belief system. What's programmed in our subconscious.
That's crazy.
So here's what's wild. I had a client and I wanted to do a call with her father or her parents, and she was really resistant, and she was thinking, she's like, already know how it's going to go, because he's going to take over control and he's going to be invalidating. So she had her whole thing about him, right, Obviously there's resistance between the two. And so we did the call. We have him get off the phone, and I finished it off with her and I said, wow, I was
really pleasantly surprised by how your father behaved. And I said, and really beautiful how much she kept apologizing and taking responsibility for the things that you were pointing out that were hurtful you. And she goes, what are you talking about? He didn't apologize? Yeah, he did about twelve times. She literally did not hear it. She did not hear one apology.
So she was deleting all this information because she was so set on her programming of yes, how she was expecting her father to show up, that she was filtering her interaction with him through that lens. That whatever didn't fit in that lens was she missed it.
That's crazy.
Yeah, And that's what happens in life. If we're programmed to see opportunities because we know everywhere I turn something's going to show up. I'm going to get the resource I need to move me forward in my vision. Then everywhere literally you look or you start to attract the things that really validate what you believe. And if you think things are hard, I'm never supported. I don't ever get what I want. You know what that's going to
be what happens as well. So that's why it's so important to make sure that you've got those beliefs and the self concept or the identity of who you see yourself as that really matches up with what it is that you say you want in your external reality, because if it's incongruent, So maybe you say like, oh, I really want to meet the love of my life and I'm on all these online apps and I'm going on these dates and I can't find that person. But then what we discover is you actually have a belief of
I'm not lovable. Well, you're going to be repelling or always probably finding something wrong with the people that you're dating or making up excuses or I date and then I leave them or they leave me in the first month. That's usually because that then as you go we'll see I must not be lovable. And again this is all unconscious.
People usually are not cognizant of this happening. They just start to blame what's happening outside of themselves as something's wrong, versus going hold on a second, I am literally the creator of my reality. What I believe is what is consistently creating what I'm experiencing in my outside world.
Your stuff just fascinates me so much, and I want to take it back a little bit and talk about mindset, which is obviously very similar. And I am such a big believer in mindset where I have you know, morning rituals that are all about setting my mindset up for the day and you know my intentions and that sort of stuff. So can you talk to us about why do we get stuck in bad patterns and how we
can sort of break that cycle? Obviously you talked about hypnotherapy, but do you have any other tools that we could use basically how to get unstuck?
For sure? Girl, I got you. So, first of all, we are in stuck in patterns because that is our stuck thinking right, and what we believe creates the patterns that we have in our life. And the reason why we have habits is because it's efficient. I mean, imagine if you had to learn how to tie your shoes every single day, how much wasted energy would that be? Or you had to learn how to brush your teeth.
And so once we form these habits, our brain's like cool, got it, and then we can start to zip through them. And what happens is that goes for everything in our life. We form these habits, it makes it efficient or just keeps proving what it is that we believe faster, more effectively, even if it's what we don't want, which is what
happens again when we're younger. However, what you're doing in your morning rituals is so powerful because what you're doing is you're creating new habits that are going to get you new results. Right and again, once you get to it, you're also you have a certain way of thinking or believing that's even having you creating this morning ritual though, right, I believe that when I do these morning rituals, it's
going to set me for the day. I'm going to feel amazing and I'm going to be way more productive. So you already have that belief that if you do this, that's the result you're going to get, which is why when you do it, it's effective and you get the results after that. But if you're looking for a tool to support you, one thing that you already said that you did, which is really powerful when you set your intentions, there's something in your primal part of your brain, the
reptilian brain, that's called your reticular activating system. Are you familiar with it? No? Okay, So the reticular activating system. One of its functions is to basically pull in to your reality the people, the places, the things, experiences that you're telling it that you want. At any given moment in time, there is like four hundred billion bits of information coming at you. Your brain can only focus on like five to nine bits. So, for example, are you sitting on something right now?
Mm hm?
A chair? Yeah? Okay, So can you now feel the chair underneath your butt?
Yes?
Okay, did you feel it ten seconds ago when we were first talking when we're talking, not really, I guess, yeah, But that that information, right, that sensation has always been there, Yeah, but you just can't focus on every little bit of information that's coming at you. But once you shift your focus, all of a sudden, you're like, oh, yeah, I feel the chair underneath my tush right mm. So what happens is with the ras, you're telling it focus on this.
So when we do our intentions in the morning, we're telling our reticular activating system, this is what's important to me, focus on this, and we're actually you are consciously directing it, which is very powerful, which is why I also do that as one of the practice say that I have my clients do as a conscious practice, not just the hypnosis part, but how to master your mind, because it's another thing I do is I teach a lot of
different practices on how to master your mind consciously and subconsciously. So the intention setting is like a conscious practice to say, hey, reticular activating system, this is what's important. Scan the environment to pull these things into my reality. Yeah, and bring this into my existence. It's why like if someone has wants to buy a new car, and all of a sudden that's top of mind for you and you're like,
I want, you know, an Audi A four. I just made that up, and all of a sudden, everywhere you go, you see the audi A four all of the street.
He's so true, yes, one hundred yeah.
Because now you told your brain this is important to me. So let's focus on this and all all of a sudden it goes like and it finds all of it in your reality for you.
Before we continue, I'm quickly interrupting this podcast to proudly introduce this week's episodes filed SAT Naked Harvest Supplements. As you've made already know, Naked Harvest is a natural supplement company I co founded with my brother. So here's the exciting news. We just launched our newest product, range, Thrive plant Protein. Now Thrive is not just your average protein.
Not only is Frive made from pea protein, making it vegan friendly, but it is also packed full of functional superfoods, adaptogens, and minerals to promote a thriving, healthy body. Our aim was to create a plant based protein supplement, but rework the formula so it provides you with so much more than your regular run of the mill protein. So this means no more needing to add extra ingredients to your
smoothie or post workout shake. Thrive has it all. So of course, as a protein It builds lean muscle and helps repair tissue, but it also provides you with extra tummy love, increased energy, hormone balance, mental performance, and immune protection. With ingredients psychic beeran ginsing, organic macropowder, and magnesium, it's
like hitting the supplement jackpot. The best part, we've launched it in not one, but three epic flavors, including peanut butter brownie, mango cheesecake which is my personal favorite, and vanilla shortbread. If you want to try thrive for yourself my Rise and Conquer community, get a special discount of fifteen percent off with a code Rise and Conquer at checkout. Go to our website Naked Harvest Supplements dot com or follow us on Instagram at Naked Harvest Supplements and I'll
make sure I put all the links in the show notes. Okay, now let's get straight back into the episode. Sorry, you just said that this is a tool to master your mind that you can use consciously. Is there tools we can use unconsciously or it's just consciously?
Yeah, so that's a conscious tool, A subconscious tool that I highly recommend to people, and actually having a comprehensive online course about it is self hypnosis so sometimes for people you might not be able to work with for budget reasons or whatever that might be. If you can't work with somebody, or maybe you're don't feel ready yet
because that trust thing. Right, If you can't do hetero hypnosis, which is working with a practitioner, you could do self hypnosis and learn to put yourself into state and then learn different techniques on how to reprogram. So like in my course, I show multiple ways of different types of reprogramming techniques. I have one where if you're going I have the streamer goal, I want to make it happen boom,
there's a specific technique for that. Or if you're saying, hey, I really wanted to tapp into my subconscious and ask it questions and I have this big decision to make, and instead of crowdsourcing the answers, I know that I know my own answer, but I don't know how to connect to it, here's actually a practice on or I have a technique in there where you can actually ask
your subconscious and get the answers that way. Or there's like an inner child one in there, because a lot of us it's the wounding and the pain is all from our inner child experiences and there's a way to work with your inner child there. So there's when you do self hypnosis that isn't a way to actually access your subconscious to do the work there.
Yeah, I love that, And so I want to chat to you a little bit more about what you were saying about reprogramming our beliefs and you know, sometimes our limiting beliefs. And I have a question for you. So do you think it's harder to create positive beliefs and thoughts than it is to create negative ones? What's your thoughts on that?
You mean, are you consciously trying to create them?
Like I guess? I mean, you know, like some people they just have a really negative mindset and then some people just have a really positive mindset. Is something we subconsciously or consciously choose or how can we be I guess reprogramming our brain to choose more positive beliefs and thoughts.
Yeah. So here's one thing that most people might not know is we're actually wired for fear. It's a survival stay from way back in the cave man days, right. It's you needed to be on alert and to be able to know if you're going to be attacked and killed.
The problem is is that we now currently see if someone doesn't text us back in quickly, or we don't get a certain job, or we get rejected here, that we actually perceive that as like a threat to our survival and then all of a sudden, you know what happens, That feeling comes up. But it's we're wired to look for these things to protect ourselves. And here's also what's nuts. If you actually look in the dictionary, there are more
fear based wars then there are positive ones. Crazy, Yeah, And a lot of the tactics that are used in politics and the news and other things are fear based because also when people are in fear, it's easier to control them.
Well, that's even like I find news based like articles, like even on social media and like in the US and that sort of thing, things that are about negative or about fear. Like they've done tests and they're always clicked on more than something positive.
Yeah, because we're looking for that stuff. That's what puts us on high alert. And that's what we're wired to look for, is to protect ourselves. And beyond high alert. And here's what's wilds is one of the techniques I use to put people into hypnosis is actually to kick off their fight flight mechanism. So I actually put them into fight mode, which is the fear. Right all of a Suddeny're like yeah, And then because they're resisting for so much, eventually like and they just go into flight
and boom, they go into to the data state. So that's how I also know and they're more suggestible at that time. It's like if someone's in an accident, right and you're like do this, do that, and they're like, okay, okay, they're just listening to you because they shut off their conscious logical part of their brain and they're just trying
to survive. So that's also why when the news comes that you can then drop in other suggestions someone like hey, you should be afraid of this, and I'm the person that's going to come to solve that for you, And all of a sudden, you're like you you're the one and you're not actually thinking, right, is this really true? Or is this a form of manipulation using linguistics as well as fear based tactics.
So, but anyway back.
To your question, as we segue back, I would say it programming fear or positive when it's intentional is probably the same, but we're wired for fear. Most of us have quite a bit of fear based programming because I
see more people struggling in our world than they are thriving. Yeah, that's how I know, right, If you saw people just like super alive, going after their dreams, feeling happy all the time, loving their life, being of service all and like true service all of that, you would be like, wow, they must be programmed more for the positivity versus the negativity that I see most people struggling with, you know, really having a hard time with their self worth, or
they do the self beat up thing or the self doubt like it's an epidemic. Right, So most of that's programmed in, which is why I feel like a deep part of our healing and our soul's evolution is to heal those lies, those are untruths, and to program in our truths, which is who we really are, which are powerful, full, lovable, extraordinary beings who are more than enough and worthy of everything that we desire.
I love that. And so do you have any takeaway tools, actable tools that the audience can do kind of like right now or when they get time to help reprogram their beliefs to serve their lives more positively rather than living in that fear base.
Yeah. So the first thing is gosh, like all these my brain just literally got flooded with all these practices. I was like, which one do I get out? There's so many. If it's more of a conscious based practice, for example, the first thing is just being aware. I'm paying attention to what the heck you're telling yourself every single day. If you wonder why you feel like crap, and you actually start to notice that you're telling yourself I can't do that. They don't like me. I'm so stupid,
that's so bad. Oh I look so ugly, I'm so fat. Like, if you just slow down and listen to what your self talk is, it'll really illuminate to you why you might not feel your best, or why you get stuck around things, or why you self sabotage. Once you notice them, what I do is I'll write them down, get them out of my head, put them down on the page, and then start to question them, Right, is this really true? How do I know that this is true? Or where might I have picked this up? Or where did I
hear this from? Or where was my earliest memory of feeling this way before? Oh that time when you know, I was five years old and my mom told me blank you know, and then go, okay, well that's not me anymore. And then what you can start to do is write out what it is that you do want to believe and start doing the repetitive part. So affirmations do work if you attach the emotion to them. A
lot of times people go, well, affirmations don't work. Well, it's because it doesn't have the emotional component, meaning I actually truly feel it and mean it, And so sometimes you might need to say it until all of a sudden, like the thirtieth time, it clicks and you're like, ooh, okay, I kind of felt it there, right. So that's one way of doing it, because we actually reprogram our subconscious in a few different ways. The first is through repetition. So the thing that I just shared is one. Pay
attention to even what you're saying yourself, question them. And sometimes if you question it and you're like, is this really true? No, it's not. Do I have evidence to prove that this is not true? Yeah, write it all down and now you have all this evidence your brain just might be like, Yep, that's a lie. I don't need to believe that anymore. And it could be as simple as that, but other times it could require high levels of repetition on an affirmation of what you run
a program in or if you can relax yourself. So I'm guessing many of your listeners meditate now.
Maybe yeah, maybe we have done a couple of podcasts on it, so I think they've definitely heard of the idea and a lot would be meditating.
Okay, well it's I guess it's more of just putting yourself into a relaxed state. And if people don't know, again, I have resources or I have the course that they can do that's super cheap, but it'll show you how to relax yourself, to put yourself in a state. And then when you say the affirmations, it actually starts to go in your subconscious way faster than when you're trying
to do it consciously. Okay, yeah, so that's one. And then another thing I would throw up as a powerful technique to use just reprogram consciously is the moment you catch yourself in a negative thought and the way that you notice you're in a negative thought is because you just don't feel so great right, because the feeling always follows the thought. So fall asen, you're like, ough, pay attention, what am I thinking right now? Or what am I focusing on? You know that I can't have what I want,
or I'm single or whatever it might be. The moment you catch that, you want to shift your attention to something else. So a lot of times people will say, oh, we'll shift it to gratitude, right, or you can shift it to just whatever it is that distracts you from that thought, a higher feeling focus. Like for me, I'm staring at my dog right now. If I'm feeling crappy, I just shift my attention to him and I focus on why I love him, and all of a sudden,
it just changes the vibration to me. Right, It changes a feeling state in me. And now when I'm in a higher state of feeling, I can go do other things that feel better. But what you're doing when you catch yourself focus on something negative and you consciously catch that and shift it towards something else, you're now taking control of your mind and you're saying, I'm not going to let it hang out in this crappy place anymore. I'm gonna stop staring at this shit, and I'm going
to focus on the joy, on the love. And that literally just takes me moving my attention somewhere else.
That's definitely like a big part of that is even being aware, because I know so many people it would be hard to even catch themselves in that moment to be aware of even knowing they have a choice.
Yeah, So the key to any sort of personal development step one is raising your level of self awareness. Right. You can't change what you can't see, so slow down and start paying attention. And really, how I notice. I'm like, Oh, the moment I feel crappy, that's when I go, huh, check in what am I thinking? What's happening in my brain? Because again, the feeling follows a thought, and it's harder sometimes to notice our thoughts because they're so habituated and automatic.
But you can also tell when you just don't feel so good and in that moment, go, I must have my yucky programming going on right now, Yeah, let me see what's check out what's going on up in my head? Oh, I'm telling myself that they don't like you because this or that I'll never hit my goal of making X amount of money, you know, or whatever it might be. And instead of staring at that, go all right, I
see that that's what I'm thinking. I know that's that's creating my feeling, and in this moment, I choose to shift my attention to something else.
This is star good. I'm like writing down notes because yeah, I'm like obviously like I love self development and all this sort of stuff. It's like so simple, but it's just about doing the work. And when we're taking this in.
And eventually too, Georgie, just so you know, your brain starts to go wow. Every time I try to like make her feel like crap, she just switches it and it starts to do it automatically for you. So that's another great thing. And then if I can throw one more out there as a tool, because I love giving tools, this one will be super quick. Is if you're sitting there and you're not feeling good, boom, that's the signal to go all right, I have some faulty thinking going
on right now. Acknowledge that you're okay. I'm feeling anger, And the reason why I'm feeling angry is because I'm telling myself blank and then actually speak out what story you're telling yourself? Just some story that's disempowering, right, that's causing the anger. And then what you can do is make up seven positive stories instead of what could actually be happening. So, for example, let's say someone didn't get
the job promotion that they wanted. Yeah, and then they're telling themselves, I must not be good enough, I'm not qualified. Other people are better than me. Well, guess what's going to make you feel crappy in your body? That's the signal. And they go, Okay, I feel crappy right now because I'm telling myself that I'm not good enough, I'm not qualified. What's another interpretation or stories I could be telling myself
for why I didn't get this promotion. Oh, it could be that they actually have another role that they see me better for that they'll promote me in later, or whatever else. But make up seven stories. And the reason why is the first three will be easy, usually the
two or three. But once you start to train your brain to focus more on the positive and make up more empowering stories for you, again, you're training your brain to look in a whole different direction and eventually when the negative story comes up, it's like, Nope, it actually could be this, this, this, and this. Okay, cool move along? Does that make sense?
I yes, I love that. So it's all about like reprogramming and retraining your brain to think of those more positive outcomes, which then makes it easier to just do instead of us having to be very aware and you know, having to do that work.
Absolutely yeah, and you know what it takes work, but it's worth it.
Thank you so much for those tools. And so I want to finish the interview talking about something we're both very passionate about. What is this? So I want to talk about self love. I know you absolutely love talking about this and I know you have Is it a forty day program of self love?
Yeah, it's a self love transformation over the course of forty days, but you can do it over however many days you want. But it's a full online course showing you the how of self love in the way that I've learned.
And so you have a bit of a different approach with self love. It's less about doing, which is what many other people teach, and it's more about a way of being. So why do you think self love is really important? For us, for our souls, and why do you approach it differently?
So I really believe it's our soul's journey to come back home to ourselves. Each and every person. Somewhere, some way along the line of us growing up, we've decided that there's parts of ourselves that are unlovable, not wanted, shameful, and we push them away and that's why we feel so we don't feel our best because it's like all of me is not lovable, only parts of me, And
how crappy does that feel? And really it's about, instead of also trying to get love externally, that we come home to us and go, I'm going to love you. I'm going to reparent or be the loving parent to me that maybe I never had or that I needed the most, and starting to really learn to be loving with ourselves, which is retraining us from what maybe we experience when we are younger. And once we do and we have a better relationship with ourselves, everything else opens up.
Because when you are your own worst enemy, when you are the harshest self judger, critic, self doubter, or self beater of yourself, there's no way to feel good. It doesn't matter if you find some external strategy. That's why I also too when people think it's like money rate, I'm going to are going to better when I have money, And then you talk to all these wealthy people and
they have all this money, but they still feel so terrible. Well, it's because of this relationship with themselves has nothing to do with external it's how they treat themselves. And so when your relationship with yourself is whole again, yeah again, everything opens up. You start to take bigger risks, you start to love more, you feel, and you actually really start to attract in everything that you desire with ease. And so my approach to self love. A lot of
people talk about self love as a doing right. You see all these articles and things of like I took myself out for a massage, or I'm taking care of my health and I'm eating better, or bubble bath or flowers or walk on the beach, and that is all wonderful. Yeah. However, for me, it's more of a way of being with yourself, meaning how do I treat myself? Right? Am I being?
And then in my course I talk about eight different ways of being, and the ways of being are self accepting, you know, are you being accepting yourself or judgmental self compassion? Are you being compassionate with yourself when you screw up or when things are hard? Or do you beat yourself
up and you're your worst critic self forgiveness? Do you let things go or do you continue to flog yourself and make yourself wrong for things and hold like grudges against yourself, you know, or even for other people a form of self harm when we won't forgive another person for harming us because we're the ones that hold the anger or resentment. And then there's self appreciation, like really
celebrating and appreciating who we are and valuing ourselves. There's self respect, self trust, self permission, and then receiving, which so many women I work with are like, that's the hardest one. But yeah, those are all the different ways of being with yourself that when you can master even just one of them, your whole life will start to change.
That's amazing. And so what advice would you have for someone who's really struggling to be kind to themselves at the moment. So obviously, I know you have your program and you talk about those seven ways of being, but this podcast all is all about actionable tools that we can give the audience right now, just you know, one piece of advice that you would give someone who's really struggling to be kind to themselves.
Oh, I love this. I'm happy to show one that I use myself not as much anymore. But I was like on point all the time, all day long doing this because I self compassion was a really tough one for me. Yeah. Again, I don't blame it, but coming from the Chinese culture, it's very tough, very hard on you. And so I was that to myself a lot, continue on the voice of my parents, and so self compassion was tough. And so you said, what can people do
if they're hard on themselves? This is one practice that can change the game if you continuously do it, because I know is said, I do it barely now. But the moment again you don't feel good, that's a signal to you to pay attention, right, and then you notice, oh, I'm being really hard on myself. What you do is immediately put your hands in your heart because it's like a physical pattern interrupt right, It's like you're telling yourself, like,
I'm going to do something different. So I usually put my hands on my heart and I start to breathe. I'll do a box breath so inhale four, hold for four, ex hel four, hold for four, and I'll do that three times. But if I'm still feeling anxious or upset, I'll do it until I've calmed my nervous system. And then once i feel calm, then start to validate myself or whoever's listening. Validate yourself, tell yourself what you actually need to hear. Right, It's okay that you messed up.
It's not a big deal, girl, You're still good. You got this. I still love you, nobody hates you. You can absolutely take on and have whatever it is that
you want. And so that's like the big key is again, the moment you notice you're being your own worst critic, put your hands in your heart, breathe, and when you've calmed down, start to validate yourself and say the exact words that you actually need to hear, like your best friend would tell you, or you would tell your best friend if she was struggling with the very same thing.
That's beautiful, And so if you didn't necessarily believe it yourself, do you kind of just keep saying it until you believe it, or yeah.
Well you just say so. The thing is the reason why you want to slow your breath, right, is you're actually calming yourself so you're more receptive to other things. And if it's hard for you to believe, yeah, just say it anyway. Yeah do you know what? Yeah, you just I mean, that's what I do. Just got to say it.
And I do something similar, and that's like the first time I kind of say it to myself. It's almost like I have this inner critic who goes like, this is stupid. What are you doing? You don't actually believe this, But then like I've got to keep doing it, and then by like the second or third one, it like settles in. It's probably the whole what you said about being calm, and then it feels better.
Yeah, because some people try to go from one thought, like at the fear based thought to the empowering thought, and that's when it doesn't work, right, when you're like that's not successory, Like it's okay, it's okay, I'm good enough, I'm stronger, and it's like, no, you're not. You got to calm your nervous system so you're actually receptive to another thought. So that's why I do that to like get in your body. That's another thing I work a
lot with is the physical body. Yeah, because that's where you're subconscious.
Is thank you so much for sharing that. You just have so much good wisdom and I really appreciate you sharing it. With the Rise and Conquer audience. To finish off the interview, something I want to ask you, and this is a new thing I'm doing with my interesting people who I speak to, I wanted to ask you if you have a recommendation for the audience about like it can literally be anything if you are reading, watching, or listening to anything. I personally just like love recommendations.
So do you have anything for us?
Yeah? So I have so many, Georgie, which one do I pick?
Last one? Spany?
All right? So one of the ones I used to actually buy this book and I would give them to people as gifts is The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer.
I haven't read it. I think i've heard of it. What sort of looked like little insight about what it's about.
If you're new to personal development, right or it's hard for you to understand your thoughts or to control them. Michael a singer. He what I love that he does with this book is he logically steps you through where these negative thoughts are coming from and how to start to work with them in a loving way. And it's such a profound book that it's one that I read
over and over again. But it really walks you through your relationship with your thoughts and your emotions, and it starts to have you see and uncover the source and fluctuations of your inner energy so that you can start to be more in control of them and to free yourself from the habituated thoughts and emotions and energy patterns that usually will limit your consciousness.
Amazing. I will have to put that on my book list. I'm a big audible fan, so I'm hoping it's on that.
It should Actually that one really should be, but the other one because I'm a cheater, and I'm telling you, I'm actually reading The Body Keeps a Score right now. And it's a lot about trauma and how it gets stored in your body. So sometimes when people are like, why is it that I have this pain on my side or why is it that I have this weird skin rash, they really start to show you how the body starts to communicate with you based off the unhealed trauma so that you can heal it.
Amazing, so interesting. Well, thank you so much Stephanie for coming on the show. I really appreciate it. I've loved this interview and hopefully speak to you again soon.
I would love that. Thank you so much, Georgie. It was such a pleasure and so wonderful to be on your show.
Amazing. Oh wait, I'm so sorry. Before we go, can you tell the audience where they can find you? Obviously I will put all these links in the show notes. Guys.
Yeah, you can check me out on my website Stephanie Quang dot com. And I like to hang out a lot on Instagram. I usually always DM people back, but it's my handle is at. I am Stephanie Kuang.
Amazing, Thank you at Stephanie, thank you, thanks so much for listening into this week's episode. If you love to Rise and Conquer and you're craving more community, I have got your girlfriend. I was feeling the exact same. So I'm very excited to announce that we have made a close Rise and Conquer Facebook community group to join our girl gang head to Facebook and search Rise and Conquer Podcast community, or head to the show notes for the link.
I decided to create this community for like minded women who is searching for a safe and positive space for us to share our stories, to ask for advice and interact together. Lastly, if you know someone who would benefit from this episode, please make sure you share it with them, or even take a screenshot and share it on your Instagram stories. I really really appreciate all the support, and this is a total independent podcast, so any sort of
sharing involved I really really appreciate. Also, if you want to go beyond this episode, check out our official Instagram at Rise and Conquer dot podcast or my personal indistagram at Georgie Stevenson. I hope you have an amazing day or night whenever you're listening. Buy for now and talk to you soon.