How to make a bad memory go away

I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this episode is being recorded, the Coomboo Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson,

We're here to help you be curious, pull yourself out, and embrace radical self awareness.

If you're ready to get into the.

Driver's seat of your own life and stop letting life pass you by, then you're in the right place.

Hey everyone, it's Cooper here again. Thanks for having me Rise and Conquer.

We're so excited.

Yep, very very exciting episode. Today it's going to get hopefully not too deep, but deep enough to show everyone what we're going to talk about today and what I want to talk about today is how to turn a bad memory into a memory of gratitude. Today, we're going to talk to a Tea and Georgina and yeah, we're going to go through a bad memory that they want to have gratitude around.

We're a bit nervous, we're excited.

All right, let's start with Tea. Okay, I let's let's talk about your bad memory. You go through what is bad about it and why, and yeah, we'll just go deep enough on it.

So the bad memory I've chosen to talk about today is in I think it would be middle school, So like grade eight or nine, around about I was a bit bullied and I was called fatty Baddy a lot, and I wasn't anywhere near fat. I was like a size six or something, but I held on to that and I think it really messed with my body image and it's something that I carry like. It was like a slight insecurity, which I feel like is quite common

I know, aren't kids horrible.

I was like, oh gosh, like and I think, yeah, just really messed messed with my self esteem, which wasn't great.

Yeah. Yeah, we all have these that we and in school it's just everywhere I've got them. I'm sure everyone else would have some sort of bullied memory that they've got. So, yeah, that's pretty bad. Like what else kind of happened like in school? Were you scared to go to school each day? Was it?

There was a point where it got really bad and I had gone to talk to a teacher about it because I would like cry, just like started crying one day in class and I was like, I can't do this, so I want to talk to a teacher about it.

Yeah, yeah, especially as a kid, like we put everything on our shoulders. We don't blame anyone. That's what happens when you were a kid, that any sort of bad memory or trauma goes on. Yeah, it is, yeah, and we don't know how to process it. So yeah, as a kid, it's not good. Yeah, Like in that scenario, yeah, a bit of communication would have gone.

On everything it was insane.

But it's still it's that comment or the comments that would have just dug into your subconscious and yeah, gone deep and thought, yeah right, we're going to hold this memory and it's bad. Yeah, so in your head it's just bad. There's like in your head, this is just a bad memory.

Genuinely. Yes, Like I I feel like so much bad has also come from it because it's something like body image is something that's just like I've held onto forever and it's a problem that I've had for ages and I can't get past it. So I liked, it's not like I had like a really transformative time with my body image after that comment, because I didn't.

Ye, that's so bad. Yeah, yeah, it would have carried down and yeah you might have had some more memories around that and yeah kept that trigger going.

Yeah it's like magnified.

Yeah, okay, cool, all right, thanks for sharing it here. That's very brave of you to bringing this up. It's pretty hard to pay, especially on a podcast as well. So you're amazing, Thank you. All right. So the next thing I want to do is very difficult, and I want to ask you what are the good things that have come from this memory? Might be bitter hard, So in your head, what are you thinking?

Like nothing, there's nothing, there's nothing.

So that's good. Okay, that's really good. All right, So let's start. What kind of person did you become from this memory? What do you reckon? Is something good that has come from this memory in you? As a person?

I never or I try really hard not to say mean things too or about other people.

So it's made you a kind person? Yeah, okay, al write that down? What other good things? Okay, it's made you a kind person. What other strengths did you develop from this?

I guess like a bit of resilience, because I was alone for like two weeks, which doesn't sound like a lot, but it was shit. And I guess also strengthened the close friendships I had with those friends that did stop talking to me at that time, because we did have to learn to communicate to get out of it. And one of them is still like one of my best friends, and we have the best communication.

That's amazing. Yeah, communication is key for any relationship.

And I think that that definitely came from like those two weeks of not speaking to each other.

Wow, so you got my communication, yeah, and you got your best friend.

Yeah.

So that's awesome.

That's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

That was pretty quick.

That way, really well, there be heaps more. We'll keep going. Okay, what happened like a few months after, like anything else going to happen at home? Or if this is hard, like if you're trying to do this at home, it's nice to close your eyes and go to that memory, Go to that memory and pitch yourself there and then pitchy yourself the next month was what happened in your life the next few months or even a year.

I got really close with my mum because I did speak to her about it while it was happening.

Wow, that's really nice.

Yeah, that was really nice. And she was very supportive, but like didn't overstep, like she didn't come in and try to sort it out for me or anything like that. She gave me the space to do it myself but supported me through it.

That's really nice.

That was really nice.

Yep.

And I think I learned a lot as a pod from that because I knew I could do it on my own, Like I didn't need her to fix things, but she was there.

And so you just kind of mentioned what did that give to yourself? That's given you more independence? Yeah, yeah, that's really cool. Wow, because you definitely are very independent.

Literally my.

Okay, that's really good. Anything else is gonna happen in the next year, anything around another family member, another friend did something unexpected to come from being independent.

Not that I can remember. It was like really long ago now yep.

But if you get stuck, close your eyes and have a little thing start digging around.

I stopped using this really toxic ap. It was called kick. I don't know if people remember that kick, Like it was called kik or something like that. It was like a little green messaging app for kids, and I think I realized how toxic it was because of how mean everyone was to each other on it, Like we were all thirteen fourteen, but people would have like group chats

So why do you reckon that's good in your eyes?

I'm not super scared to delete social media, I guess, And I know that I haven't really deleted anything I have now, but it's because I don't feel it's toxic. But I'm not really scared to get rid of things that are toxic out of like fomo or like fear of missing out. I guess it's not really a thing that I really feel, because what am I missing if I don't want to be there?

Yeah? Yeah, so it sounds really strong willed. Yeah, you able to speak up?

Yeah?

All right? So is there any other good things?

I think those are probably the main things. They're all really big things. I'm really shocked.

There might be some more, Okay, there's usually Yeah.

I think it came out very compassionate because I knew what it felt like to be treated in a not nice way, and I wanted to make sure that I was never the reason that someone else felt that way, or if I could see someone else feeling that way, I did something about it to help them not feel that way.

Yep, that's awesome. Yeah, that's really nice. Did you receive any good luck from this? Being so strong willed and independent? And something kind of happened the next like in that year from that in school, maybe in a holiday with your family.

The two weeks the speak to me were exam weeks, so I got really good grades. Got my first day plus, nailed the science exam.

How crazy is that? That crazy?

And that was the only A plus I got all school, So that was really good.

That's really good.

It was. I also learned the benefit of not talking to my friends in class a little thing, but and I didn't have a problem sitting by myself after that. Like, if I ever really wanted to focus in class for the rest of the year, I would literally say love you guys. I'm going to go sit at the front by myself and I'd get my work done. So I learned, yeah, how to it by myself, be by myself. And I guess that not spending time away from my friends didn't mean I'm not their friend anymore.

Oh yeah, that's cool.

And I didn't need to be with them all the time, which I think in school was just like a really big thing to learn, whereas like as an adult, it feels so normal.

But yeah, so you've used I feel like you would have used all these things every time this trauma would come up, if something would happen.

Yeah, Like I didn't really get bullied again.

After that, that's cool, that's awesome.

I actually didn't realize that until it was done.

Yeah, yeah, I reckon, we get a lot. Yeah, that is a lot of good for one memory. So you've done very well. I'm going to read back everything. So this really bad memory has given you made you a kind of person. It's made you more resilient, It's given you stronger friendships, communicate. You're a lot better communicating with friends. It's made you close with your mum. Your mum's given you more support and she's given you a safe space,

I got a before that, just not a plus.

Yeah, that's so cool. And then from that it's given you another benefit of being able to get stuck into your work and not be around your friends and put up boundaries. So that's pretty cool. So with that, with this bad memory, do you want to keep this bad memory or do you want to get rid of it? Like if you could just magically get rid of it,

Oh I'd keep it, yeah, heck yeah, I'd keep yeah. Wow.

Yeah. So that's pretty powerful to consciously know that whenever there's a bad memory or something, you're always going to get good.

Wow.

Any bad memory, there's always good.

I'm just like so mind blown because I feel like I literally went into this going there's no way anything good came out of this because my relationship with my body hasn't resolved, but didn't think about the fact that other good things could have come from it. Yep, it wow, Yep, that's actually crazy.

Yep.

That's just your subconscious protecting you. Whenever these come this memory comes up, it's saying, hey, we're going to put you in a survival move and you're going to get all these things again and be these sorts of these sorts of dot dot points from now on. And yeah, it's weird how subconscious works.

So it doesn't want me to know that it was a good experience.

Well, it's keeping it as a bad memory for all of this to happen again. But consciously it will come up. You can't stop it from coming up. But when it comes up, you can say, from now on, you can say thank you, thank you subconscious for bringing it up. But I got all these good things from it. Wow. And then you can move on and not get triggered so hard the next time. And yeah, so you can keep this memory, keep it tight, and have gratitude to it.

Oh my gosh, whoa cool. Yeah, I'm going to hand over to Georgina.

Now, hello, Georgina, Hello, thanks for joining me today. Let's rip straight in and know you overheard everything, So let's start with your bad memory.

Okay, So my memory is also a high school related one, yep. And there was this rumor that was going around about me, but it was off the back of probably behavior I wasn't proud of, so I was already a bit conscious of that, and then this rumor kind of spread. And then one day in class, I had this group of friends that we'd always sit together, and we'd sit in like a desk of four, and I walked into the class and they purposely so I could see it, moved

Okay, that's horrible for starters, like again, kids, so cruel. Yeah, it's so bad. Do you mind me asking what you did? You don't have to share, this is a safe space.

It was more so I think me just being a teenager and wanting to get attention from boys, from people. I just wanted to be seen.

Yep.

And I think I just did stuff that probably wasn't the best behavior.

Okay, that's all right, the share, that's all right. So what you just did, like a few bad things.

Yeah, just wasn't a bit of a rebel phase, I guess, but I know that it was. The behavior wasn't necessarily aligned either, Like I felt a bit shameful about what I had done. Yeah, So then there was like that element, and then because of that, there was this getting excluded and like every one kind of hating me. So it was just like tied up thing of like guilt, being embarrassed, the exclusion.

All that kind of stuff.

Okay, So I am just a very friendly, happy person, and I was probably a little bit maybe too flirty with people's boyfriends or people that you know, my friends were protective overall, owned or whatever you want to say.

It can only be like that in your head. No one else's so for you. That was a really bad thing. But it's very common. Everyone does it, I'm telling you, Like, we've all might have done it in some sort of way but not even knowing it as well. Yeah, don't feel a shame of it, because it's there for a reason in your head. And yet, like who doesn't like getting attention.

Especially when you're like a teenage girl, I like, or any teenager, that's what you do. Everyone's just trying to look good, get attention, be popular, all that kind of stuff. And it was just that whole cycle.

Yeah, it's definitely common. Thanks for sharing. That's really brave. What were the if you don't mind me asking, what were the rumors that were going around?

So the rumors were based on like a bit of this weird reputation that I had gained kind of just like being flooding with people's boyfriends, you know, just behavior you do it that age to get attention and to

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's crazy.

Yeah, rumors at school, right in a female Catholic school, Yep.

Not good.

But yes, I think this is definitely it's normal. I feel like there would be I'm not I wouldn't know, but with the girls around me, yeah, I feel like that would happen a lot. So you're not alone. It's not like you're the bad person here, and it doesn't seem like you actually have done anything bad but just want to get a bit of tension. Yeah, and that's harmless. So it's all good. And I appreciate you being vulnerable and sharing this with everyone. It's really really cool and

Oh, this is checky. I suppose a little bit of like independence, like I as a result, I kind of turned very inwood. I became like I always had this weird feeling of being a little bit different and isolated and alone, so this kind of just cemented that. So then I became a very independent self person.

That's awesome. That's awesome. Independence. It's a really good skill to have, Like when you get into adulthood you need it. So that's awesome. What else, what kind of person did you become? Then? Another strength?

I suppose I was a little bit more aware of my behavior and how much that could, you know, spread and affect others and give me an image and all this kind of stuff. So I was more aware of what I was doing and the repercussions of that.

Yeah, that's really cool, that's awesome. What else did you gain any Did any of your friendships blossom or you gain any more? Definitely not more? No more. Maybe that was a good thing. Yeah was it a good thing?

I feel like it probably was. But then me wanting to be in this group and be included, I then became friends with those people again, you know, like I tried hard to work my way back up and be liked again and be included in the group again.

So you heard what your friends were saying and then you adapted to it and you're pivoted.

Well, yeah, because there was like the thing with the desks and the exclusion, and then it was just kind of this weird vibe in my friendship group because a few of the girls I was closer with wanted to support me, and they were still being nice to me, but they also were kind of like in a bit of a hard position, and then the other half of the group like, we don't want to bar of her.

Why do you think that's good? Why has that helped you be more? I guess adaptable, adaptable and like fitting in with the crowds. That has that helped you?

Yeah?

Like I'm very aware of people's body language and the vibe they're giving off, and I can pick up on energies and things like that, So I feel like I'm able to adapt and tailor my communication and body language and stuff back to people.

So able to listen to people a bit more and take a step back and have a look at what people are doing. Very much.

I'm a big observe.

Well, that's really cool. That's a really good strength to like sit back listen to people, because you gain knowledge if you're the person that's always knows the answer and you're always in front of people and that sort of thing you never learn because you're telling the story. So sitting back and listening that's awesome.

Yeah, it definitely helped me like take a step back and not want to be in the limelight as much, you know, like ye, if anything, I'm like, I'm happy to not be the center of attention at all.

And that worked for you. That's really cool. Cool, So maybe following that, like the next few months, what are some good things that have come from it? Like as a person, even at.

Home, I feel like I can't remember much good coming of it, like now reflecting back and saying those things, yes, but I have memories of the following period after that where it was like pretty bad, Like I remember crying on the bus home from school and just being really angry with my family and at home, Like I feel like it gave me a anger For a while, it.

Was just how did that anger serve you? It's another thing, like that's something bad. What did you get from that anger?

Probably like I feel like I became a bit more stand up for my selfie, you know, like I was less of a maybe a bit less of a pushover or like I remember speaking a bit more to my family and like saying what I thought a bit more and it kind of a bit more of a boldness, I guess.

Yep, confidence is massive. What else that's awesome? The next couple of years, did you get any good luck from it? Is it just questions? It doesn't happen?

Yeah, yeah, good, I suppose. An interesting thing is after that, I got into a relationship that was like quite a serious one that I had for the next five years, and if anything, I turned like the other way where I kind of like all my friends were going to festivals and all that kind of stuff, and I just completely like missed that whole section because I like, low key turned into a little housewife.

Very cool.

Yeah, which is interesting because it's only really I'm thinking about that now that I was kind of so far that way, had this experience and then got into this relationship and like really settled down. And then I also kind of distanced myself from my friends because they were going out a lot of partying and doing all that and I didn't do that.

Wow, So that was good for you. That kept you more of a good, good girl in your eyes. Yeah, I guess, so that's really cool. That's amazing. What else there's going to be some more? Does that helped you later on in life getting a job or after school give you a clear vision of what you wanted to be in your life? Yeah?

I guess like I had a few experiences like that afterwards, which taught me what I didn't want. I feel like I've had a bit of a few little chameleon sessions. Like I then got out of that relationship and went the other way again, not into partying, but then I kind of like got really into wanting to be an entrepreneur and like did a lot of study and research and kind of like had another identity change. I guess.

Yeah, because you get that independent.

Yeah, very independent.

Yeah, pivot. Yeah that's very cool. Yeah, it has really shaped you into the woom when you are today. Something so small and such a bad memory that, Yeah, we hold onto these sorts of things, but it's there for a reason. It's showing us that we don't want to do that again, Like it's we don't want to be shamed. And yeah, so that's really cool. Is there anything else if you need to close your eyes and have a thing dive through your memory.

No, I'm a lot more, like I feel, like perceptive of like people's feelings and stuff. Yeah, like I'm a lot more aware of people, how they're acting, how they're behaving, what it could mean, all that kind of stuff.

Yeap, all right, so this bad memory of there's a lot of room. He's going around in school and you've been shamed and you're being called bad things in front of everyone and they weren't true and it's not who you are, and yeah, that's so horrible to have that and keep holding it as a bad memory. But from that you've got independence. You are more aware of the repercussions of your actions. So it made you're a better person in your in your mind, made you a better

I think I will keep it.

It would keep it, I would keep it. Yeah, how cool is that?

It's so cool. It's not until you give it the time and energy and spotlight to think about it in a different way that you actually realize all of this stuff, because it always just comes up as like a fleeting memory of like you know, you always get excluded or you know whatever your internal dialogue says. When you reframe it like this, it's so powerful.

Yeah, so use it when it comes up again, take a moment, take a step back, do some breath work. That's a good thing when you're doing If you were to do this with anyone else, and because yeah, it's not harmful, like to do this with your friends, and it's a cool thing to do it, try and do it to yourself, but it'd be pretty hard. But yeah, just to have that gratitude with a certain memory, Yeah.

I can't fit to do this with other memories. I think you're right. You need someone to kind of counteract your mind and bounce off.

Yeah, to have a talk about it and choose that person wisely. And I wouldn't recommend to go on a really bad memory because it might send you into a big trigger. I would personally just do more smaller. Yeah, these sorts of memories that are like a bit annoying, Yeah you think so annoying, but yeah, the more traumatic ones, please get a professional please, yes. And yeah, so I am not a professional at this. I'm just learning this

So yeah, what would be your top tips for someone to maybe start unpacking something like this other than the questions.

You've just asked us? Well, first, to like do this with someone that you're able to talk to that you can be vulnerable. Definitely write it down so you can go over it, and yeah, write more notes and get more clear, because when you have something visual, you keep that in your memory. When you're just talking, it doesn't really store in your memory. So definitely write it down and journal and just keep it to yourself and when you need to look back on it, yeah, have a little look.

And you know how when you were asking both a t your and I about the good things that have come from it, you kind of kept asking and you were like, and what else?

And what else?

Like how did you know how far you could push or how many things you wanted us to get out of that?

Yeah? So like sometimes I've found when I've done this on myself, I might only have like three or four or something not as many. And I've really tried to go down with help and maybe that's it. Maybe that's all. And it might have made you think of another bad memory or something might get you down the line, so you can keep going. Just yeah, be careful. Yeah, it's powerful stuff, this.

Stuff it is.

We hope you all enjoyed that episode, and thank you Cooper for showing us that process and testing it out on Georgina and I. I think it's something so interesting that I even when you said it and you will like bring a bad memory, I just didn't. I was like, there's no way anything good could have come of it. So it was a really amazing perspective shift and we're so grateful that you shared it with us and we can share with our community so that hopefully they can

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, thanks for having me on. Thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing your memories because that can be really hard. So both of you, thank you very much.

Thank you so much. Cooper And if you guys have any more questions or if you want Cooper's coach leave, ion will pop up a threat in the Facebook group and we can ask ask them all there, and next time we get Cooper on will answer some for you.

Yep, ask me some more questions as well, because I don't have a lot. If you want me to come back on, maybe some more questions for next time.

Amazing.

Bye, Hey everyone, bye, Thanks, thank you so much for listening to another episode of the Rise and Conquer podcast.

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