How to know it’s time to leave: GRWM Series Part 2

and this is the Rise and Conquer podcast. This is the podcast where which have mindset, self development and becoming your higher self mix soon with a lot of laughs, plus behind the scenes of my life running two businesses and being among Think of us as the perfect combo of brunch with your besties mixed with self development. No matter where you are in your journey, We're here to help you be curious, pull yourself out, and embrace radical self awareness.

you actually need to pivot. So this could be leaving a job, ending a relationship, or a friendship. It can be like so difficult to actually find the line between putting the effort in versus knowing that something is not meant for.

it differently. But then it also has been times in my life where absolutely that friendship needed to end or it was just the end of a certain season in my life, and I had to like lean into that and commit to that. So that is what we're chatting about today. And I wanted to bring this up too, because this is a constant theme in our Facebook group, you know, when it comes to like ending a friendship or a relationship or even a job. So this episode

is so so juicy. Also, guys, before I get into the episode, I do want to say, do it for your future Self is now available fifty percent off. This is our signature Clarity course. So if you want clarity for twenty twenty four, this is the course for you. It is only seven days, seven modules, and it's going to guide you through all the exercise, meditations prompts to actually get clear on what you want to call into

twenty twenty four. So we all did this in twenty twenty three, and holy shit, guys, it honestly changed my whole year. It's the reason why I've had such a huge foundational and growth year, and it's because I got so clear on what I actually wanted to in this year, So come and do it with us. It is currently fifty percent off only for December, so it is absolutely the perfect time to grab it, do your reflections, and

start planning for an epic twenty twenty four. But of course our recommendations are tia.

love that you should have certain goals or whatnot. So I think there's so much potency in creating your goals from your inner compass and like you're in a world and your reflections and so it's really important to do that in the now. And that's actually why we included the bonus module that is do It for your Future Self, but it's a monthly addition where you can do this course every single month, like a mini version, so it

doesn't get to the end of the year. Because that was the feedback that when we're doing reflections on the year, to get through actually reflecting on the whole year, it can be like hours.

So I don't know if you notice this in my schedule it's here, but I used to start my meetings.

creativity and just like space. Yeah, that I honestly feel like my whole day has changed, and I've changed one hour of my day, which is wild and it's wild. And that's the thing is, you can't just copy what I'm doing. You have to do this own reflection because this really came up for me when I did the exercises. So that's like something that I just want to like. My recommendation is like, really, if there's anything you do in December, reflect and make sure you do it in

a non shameful way. But just in a matter of fact, oh, what needs to change, what needs to shift? And just that tiny shift. It's not even the new year, and I already feel like, oh, I honestly feels like a lift, like an heel, and it feels so good.

need to shift. Whether it was like a friendship group of just being like I just don't vibe with these people anymore and having a bit of guilt about that, whether it was like a partner, you know, we had people literally divorce. Honestly, we had so many posts and they're just being like, I'm just not sure I'm in

love with my partner anymore. And first of all, I love that everyone in the group is so vulnerable and so like ready to just like say their truth, because that is such a huge, you know, piece to it. But this has been a massive theme. So we thought, you know, for this series, so important to talk about pivoting because also it's the end of the year. You know, that year is closing out, We're about to enter a new year, and this is the perfect time to end

the cycles that you don't want to continue. For twenty twenty four to end the relationships, to end the you know, the routines that aren't serving you. The end, like get rid of the energy that is not serving you. This is the time to do it. Quick side note, I don't know if you guys are into like numerology, but in numerology, I'm in my ninth year, which is like

the last year before I enter a new cycle. So my spiritual advisor has said, like, this is the year you drop all the shit because whatever you take into you know the next year you're going to have for nine years, so you better fucking like it. And so I have really taken this on this year and probably had the most shifts, the most, pivoting the most just like nope, doesn't serve me. I'm done with this moments.

And that's probably why this shar hasn't felt the greatest because there has been a lot of grieving for me. There has been a lot of ending of chapters of things, and it does it feels like grieving. I'm just like tapping into it right now, and I'm like, it does it feels like. It's why sometimes it's hard to be in excitement and enjoy when you're pivoting because you're literally losing something, but also you know it doesn't serve you anymore.

You're going to your next level. You're jumping timelines, and it's really important to honor that. If you continue to entertain these relationships, there's career, you know, there's energy, whatever it's. You know that you're going to be worse off. Like you know it's hard now, but it's going to be harder if you don't let these things go. This is a hard thing, Like pivoting is such a hard thing, and I really understand why so many of us are going through it is like it's the year for it.

know an RC community is resonating with this. So the first thing I want you to do, and this is so important, do not bypass this step. You need to sit in a way awareness and not make yourself wrong. Guys, if you go straight to shame guilt, we all know that on like the barometer of vibration's feelings. That is the lowest vibration, and we know nothing good can come from that. Like you know that section that yeah barometer, what would you call that?

for your entire life. Like I said, you know, we will always cling to a familiar hell rather than an unfamiliar heaven. And we're not doing that because it's just going to keep us stuck. It's not going to serve us. So it's really important to first of all stop not make ourselves wrong. So this what I mean by that is often when we pivot, it doesn't make sense. So an example for me was I had literally done six years of study. I had done my internship, my clerkship,

I had literally gone to the court. It's got my fucking little certificate that said I'm a lawyer, got a job as a lawyer. And then I was like, you know what, I'm not gonna do this it logically that is the most illogical decision ever. And so that's why I'm saying, don't make yourself wrong, because often I guarantee you, you know, it's the partner that you maybe are not feeling the love for. You're like, you know, but he's so nice, he buys me gifts, he's my family loves him.

My family. Yeah, like, it's logically not going to make sense. Now, I need you to put that in a little container beside you, because it's just not how it works. You need to This is coming up for a reason, and the more you suppress it, the more that you are basically gonna fuck yourself up in the future. Anytime you suppress emotions, they are going to come out in toxic

ways in the future, in unpredictable self sabotaging ways. So it's really important to honor these feelings and not suppress them.

open the door for you. Whereas if they just let you speak in the first place, you would have just said what you wanted to say and then gone on with your day. They would have been able to go on with their day. And you have to think of

your emotions as the same. Like if you don't let them just say their peace, or like if you don't just let yourself feel them for that minute, two minutes, day, whatever it is, and you just push them in a cupboard, they're just going to get louder and louder and louder, and like you said, just explode out in a really toxic way, and more often than not at the complete wrong time.

about our feelings. So like, yeah, every night we'd speak at dinner, We had like good communication, we just like didn't talk about our feelings, if that makes sense. But Tim literally came like they didn't fucking talk. He was

literally mute. So I'm not even joking it yet. And so I really struggled in moments in our relationship because I didn't have the tools to communicate and express myself and because he didn't always feel like a safe place to express myself, because when I did, it would come out in these like really you know, toxic over you know, over expressive ways because I like built up I had

not let them out, and then I would explode. And then because he'd never like dealt with that, he wouldn't know how to deal with it, he would make me wrong, and the whole cycle would continue. Yeah, and so we have been doing and you know, we've come such a long way, We've been doing a lot of work on it.

But this year I just had so much awareness of what happens when you suppress your feelings and you don't have the tools to communicate and articulate yourself and that sort of thing, And oh my god, it's just like, now I look back, it's so simple to me, but at the time it was literally I just like didn't have the tools. But that's like one of the biggest things is like learning how to express yourself and honor

your feelings and not suppress them. Because even if you think you've suppressed this desire and you're like, no, I'll stay with my partner like he's perfect, blah blah blah, it is going to boil and boil, boil, And then maybe it's going to come up in yeah, like a really toxic way. Maybe you're going to act in a way that you aren't really like, that isn't aligned with your values, and it's like you then turn into this

person and you're like, what is happening? But it's because you haven't honored that initial and you haven't trusted that anyway. That was a big grant so as always, and I truly believe when something doesn't light you up anymore, like I truly believe we are meant to have joy and love in this life. So when something doesn't light you up anymore, it's, you know, the universe, your higher self. They're trying to tell you something. They're trying to tell

you that there is another path available for you. It's basically creating space for something better to come in. So when your desires shift, your literal navigation shifts, and you're shifting timelines. Maybe it's a small tweak, but maybe it's a big tweak. It's kind of like I love talking about this from the perspective of navigation of you know, when you get in your car and you put on Apple Maps and you do the location and you just

trust Apple Maps to get you there correct. Yeah, and then sometimes it's like you can go this way and save sixteen minutes and you're like, yeah, it's done, or it takes you through and there's fucking traffic and you're like, Apple Maps, what are you doing? But anyway, you trust it. Yeah. I don't ever like question I don't ever question it.

And that's what I truly believe with these moments and your desires, even if and this has happened, like Apple Maps is like taking you this really random way, and you're like, that's weird, but also I'm gonna trust it. And then you realize you bypass fifteen minutes of traffic, you're like, exactly, thank you, appreciate you. That is like the same vibe with intuition and trusting this pivot and this shift. That's how I want you to look at it.

So for this rest of this episode, I just kind of want to give you some reasons because the biggest thing with this pivot and this shift is no one can know truly what you need to do accept you. So like when we have, you know, questions in the Facebook group like should I leave my partner, I'm like, I can't make that decision. Please don't let me make that decision. Only you can make it. So this episode isn't going to be me telling you what to do.

I have just brainstormed basically reasons why this shift, why this pivot may be coming up, and I want you to really feel into your intuition and feels like, oh I'm resonating with that or I'm not, and I just wanted to give you guys some like options and some things to think about, because again, you like you already know you just need to trust yourself and you need to like ruminate in it. So that's what we're gonna do.

up anymore. And that's fine because that can happen. But sometimes people are almost reacting to something, or maybe they're not feeling as good, but it's more of an internal shift that they need to make to then be able to feel good again. Or like in a relationship, they might not be putting as much effort in and expecting their partner to pick up the slack, but then their partners not, so they go, oh, I want to leave

because they're not doing these things for me. But always just orditing yourself and being objective and going are my expectations reasonable, am, I is there something I need to shift here before you go ahead and make the decision to pivot, so that when you pivot, you feel really, really secure on yourself. So it's always important to like connect with yourself and actually know where you are properly before you like go through and decide to leave something.

blame other people. We love to blame it's easier, so much easier. And I think if you make a decision out of being in fear scarcity, blaming other people, feeling like a victim, that is not the right way to make a decision. That's even like people ask me the question about how do you know if it's your intuition at talking or your fear. So basically, if it's the fear and anxiety, it is literally going to feel like scarcity.

And so, like the example I would give is like, you know, if you have this weird thing of like you jump in a car and you get like a vision of like crashing or something like that, and you're like, Oh, is this my intuition or is this like fear scarcity. So the way that I know is intuition feels grounded and it's like this really voice in the back of my head that's like it just feels like a voice and a nudge, whereas fear and anxiety feels like heart racing, it feels like, oh my god, if I don't do

this thing, this will happen. It's like this, it's urgency, whereas intuition it feels calm and grounded and literally like someone's just like whispered something to me. And that's how I know the difference between it. And it's really interesting. I've actually heard other people talk about this, but intuition for me literally comes from the back of my head

coming forward. I don't know if you've ever felt this sensation where's anxiety, scarcity and fear comes from literally like a racing heart and this like vibe of my body closing up. And that's how I know the difference.

So this could be from childhood or like think of fucking every movie ever where it's like things are going good and then something bad happens. Yeah, And so again, our nervous systems don't know how to regulate or feel comfortable when things are feeling good. So again this is like a check in, could you be self sabotaging? Could you actually get comfortable with how things are going? And again you're gonna like you're going to straight away. This

is gonna be yes or no. Yeah. And if you do tend to do things like things are going really good and then you self sabotage, I highly recommend you read the book because my girlfriend tended to do that and she read the book and it was like life changing for her. And again it's because like she had a lot of situations growing up where when things got good, then bad things would happen. Yeah, And so her nervous system literally wouldn't let her be comfortable with things getting good?

I just want this thing. And it made me achieve a lot of things, Like creating goals in that way made me achieve a lot of things at a very young age that I'm super proud of. Yeah, but also it was not sustainable, and I now make my goals in such a different way because it only got me so far. And then anytime I would try and make a goal like that, it literally felt like an ick. It felt like I was like, oh, this just isn't serving me, Like I'm not motivated in this way anymore.

And that's another thing, is I'm not making how I used to make goals bad. Yeah, because that served me in that period. I just transcended that structure and I do things differently, whereas you actually could be the opposite, where maybe you used to really make goals a different way and maybe you need to get more into the

very specific goal focused you know, alignment. So that's like a big reason and that's why we really encourage you guys to do do it for your future self at the end or at the start of the year, because often we go twelve months without checking into ourselves, and we are completely off course, we are completely out of alignment.

And do it for your future self. It's seven days, seven modules, only thirty minutes, and it's really going to like tap you back into what you actually want, getting clear on what you want and creating goals that actually align with you rather than these like just random things that you plucked out of nowhere, or like you saw a friend do or you saw someone on Instagram do, because again, it's not going to be sustainable, you're not going to actually find fulfillment.

You might actually go a complete roundabout different way to someone else and achieve other things that are different to them and not what you thought you'd achieve, but still get to the end destination you want to be at.

they aren't. I just see it very holistically now. And it's so interesting because I had a moment of reflection to be like, oh wow, that was such an ego goal from a very like not integral place because it's almost like I felt like I had to put a health goal in.

what a difference. Yeah, and like so big, Such a good reflection for that too, And that's that's even another thing. So let's talk a little bit about my health journey. You guys know, like I started off in the health space, I very much did like the really really hard like it was disordered eating. Let's be honest, disordered eating and like working out twice a day, like really full on. And it's because I had certain health goals and I

could sustain those for a certain amount of time. But then like my I remember, like my body literally gave way, like I started getting hormone balances. I like had all these issues. And that's kind of such a good story for like the universe, Like it will allow you to somewhat go off on random paths of like ego goals and whatnot, but then there will get a point where you simply cannot do it anymore, and the universe is gonna like nudge me, like come on, dude, like come

back onto your path. Yeah, and so again we need to like listen to these moments and tap into them. Okay, So this is another thing. I've just got a couple of questions because I think sometimes and this is almost to do with the upper limit, but I think, like our subconscious we know, runs the show. So I think it's something ridiculous, like we have like seventy thousand thoughts. I'm gonna butcher this quote quote, so don't actually quote

me on this. It's like we have seventy thousand thoughts, and it's like, I think a good seven percent of them are just like re like thoughts that we just like don't even consciously think, they just are repeated. Wow, So we just like we're constantly we're constantly an autopilot. So again I want you to maybe think any like sub like you could ask yourself and this is really great if you've done like meditation and journaling and really

given yourself space. But for example, you need to see what your subconscious is scared of, because again, if we are pivoting and it doesn't make logical sense, it's often because our subconscious is like running the show and to them it makes complete sense, right, But to us consciously, we're like, what is happening? I'm so confused? This is crazy. So like something to think about is like, what bad thing is going to happen if you get your spark back?

Whoa you know with that partner? What bad thing has happened?

never ask ourselves these questions. Yeah, it's like, really, if you stay or if you go, think of all the things you're afraid of, because it's really going to shine a light and give you some more evidence of why, Like what is happening with your subconscious Because if you think about it, if your subconscious is in line with your conscious brain, things are in flow, things feel good, things feel in alignment. So when things aren't in alignment,

it's because stuff is happening internally that you're not conscious of. Yeah, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling these feelings.

would like stay in the same position. We would not move. And as humans, we are meant to move forward, We're meant to evolve. So if we don't have these off periods, we don't have the nudges, we don't have the redirection. And so this is why when these periods happen for me, I'm like, oh, this is exciting. Yeah, it means a shift is coming. Yeah, it means my next level is coming.

And so it's really important during these periods not to freak the fuck out, not to go in victim mentality, not to go and poll all your friends not to go, not to go and like go in this like mental whirlwind where you're like, oh my god, this is the worst popular situation. My life's over and blah blah blah blah. Simply sit, have some holding power where you hold yourself in this uncomfortable feeling, because that's all it is. It's

a feeling. You're not gonna die, and ask yourself these questions become aware.

the family law team. And so I got the job, but there was no room in the family law team because of budgets and whatnot, so I would have to move into a different area. And that was like the moment where I was like, that's all I needed. I needed that, Like, because again I still had the job. I could still go and do law, but it's almost like having that moment where you're like, oh, that's what I needed. Yeah, I needed that bump, I needed that nudge, and I very much listened to that and then like

went off and did my own thing. But that's so true a to here. It's like having those moments where you're like, thank you, Universe, exactly. I needed that, all right, guys. So the last thing I want to touch on if this episode is again, if you are having these moments, basically, it's time to rework your goals. It is time to check in with yourself. It's time to create space. It is the perfect time to do it. If you're listening

in real time. In the R and C group, we are all participating and do it for your future self, which is just seven days to basically get clear on who you want to be and what you want for twenty twenty four. So we're doing that all together. It's seven days, only thirty minutes a day, So come and do that if you want to rework and get clear.

Also kind of left field, but I want you to take pressure off yourself and I want you to introduce play and joy because in these moments, you are probably not in the highest five because again you're feeling uncomfortable, You're feeling you know, maybe shame, gilt, all those things,

and it's really important to look after your energy. So I think what's going to be important during this period is for you to introduce a bit of play and joy and like again, during this period, you're probably thinking it's like life or death. Like you're like, oh my god, this is the biggest decision on my life, and you probably need to lighten up. I say this with so much love, and it's like it could be as simple as taking a break and refreshing, like so many times, well,

I actually, let's be really reality. I was going to quit the podcast, like I remember, because I felt so bent out with Ivy. I was like, I can't do this anymore. I'm gonna quit the podcast. And then I just needed to have some time off. Yeah, and then I took a break, and then I was like, why would I ever think that I fucking love the podcast and we could not be here if I was like erratic and I just didn't take some space and time

to connect back to myself. So again, I really want you to take some time joy, play, have a break, get refreshed, and then also remember you can always ask for guidance. You can always surrender, ask for guidance, and literally say this affirmation, I'm open to be guided. Open the doors that need to be open, and shut the doors that need to be shut.

will be different. Yeah, And it's because I know how much magic there is in pivoting and thriving. I also am a manage a managen and that's like what we do. But again, it's like, can you actually get comfortable with this uncomfortableness because there is going to be so much magic?

especially that generation. God, they don't like change, and so that's obviously a stereotype. And I get that some dads are great with technology, but it's like and you can see, like, yeah, do just get on the change. It's going to make your life easier. But they can't. They're so stuck in their ways and that's not who you want to be. No, guys, thank you so much for listening. You want to get to a few future self. It's currently fifty percent off. We will put a link in the show notes. It

is time to get clear. It is time to know what you actually want and who you want in the year. We're all doing it together, so make sure you join the Facebook group. But we love you so much and we'll see you in the next episode.

and support. If you have a spare moment, a follow or subscribe on whatever platform you listen to would be so amazing, And look, if you're feeling extra kind, a review on Apple Podcasts would be great.