I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this episode is being recorded, the Komboo Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson,
and this is the Rise and Conquer podcast. This is the podcast where we ch have mindset, self development and becoming your higher self mix soon with a lot of laughs, plus behind the scenes of my life running two businesses and being among Think of us as the perfect combo of brunch with your besties mixed with self development. No matter where you are in your journey, we're here to help you be curious, pull yourself out, and embrace radical
self awareness. If you're ready to get into the driver's seat of your own life and stop letting life pass you by, then you're in the right placed.
Hey everyone, Happy Tuesday, and welcome back to the podcast. Today we have a fun at with Coop. He is actually chatting to us about how you can deal with being around family members or relatives that maybe don't agree with you or a little bit difficult. We thought now would be the perfect time for an episode like this, seeing as it's almost silly season and often the holidays are a time where you have to be around relatives
that may not necessarily align with your values. It also has been a bit of a running theme in our hotline question inbox and in the Facebook group, with a lot of people not knowing how to set energetic boundaries when it comes to their own family or even sometimes their partner's family. So we know you're going to absolutely love this episode. Coop has such valuable tips for us.
Just a quick reminder as well, if you're listening to this episode in real time, our eleven eleven sail is currently on, which is thirty percent off almost everything on our website, including our courses. So if you've had your eye on something, or know that you're going to be wanting to do a little New Year's reset or some self development in the new year, or even just before the new year starts, then now is the time to
hop on. Because you do get lifetime access, you also get instant access, so we'll pop the link in show notes for you all. But before we get into it, we'll just do our weekly recommendations. Cooper do you have a recommendation for the RNC van.
Hello. Everyone. My recommendation, which I have been doing for the last six months maybe a bit more, is having a sauna, and then do you do the sauna first to do that? Yeah, I got a sauna at home and I bought an ice bath as well, so I'll do a sauna on the days I'm not going to gym. Yeah, it's neared work, and then I'll yeah, just jump in there for twenty minutes and then do an ice bath and I am ready.
Oh my gosh.
Do you do it in the morning, yeah? Usually yeah, yeah, And that just just sets me up. And the way I think about it is, if I can do this, I can do anything. That's such a painful ice baths but yeah, very beneficial and I love them.
That is a really good thing to do in the morning. I might give it go maybe just disorder, though maybe not the Icelan. My recommendation is at TV show I started watching on the weekend. It's called The Buccaneers. It's on Apple TV. And if you liked Bridgeton, you'll love this, So give it a code. Let's get into the episode. Hi Cooper, Hello, what are we learning? Today.
I would like to bring forth something that can help. But he did say that to me, which I didn't really realize. But coming up to holiday season, we're going to be around family members and that can be really tricky. Yes, definitely know what that is. And I've been through it all as well as I'm guessing everyone else has too. And to get a better help in this time, it'd be great. And I wish I had this help, sir. I thought it'd be a cool thing to talk about.
Yeah, I'm really excited to learn this cool. I think everyone has that like family member that they kind of avoid but they need to sort of spend time with, but you want to protect your own energy at the same time.
So yeah, there's always a few I reckon because if you've got a partner to go to a two families and then there's double and yeah, it's just so yeah. So I'd like to jump in and start straight away. Is it starts from the closest relationship and that is yourself. Everything starts as I always say to you that it starts from yourself, and I like to I did get this from a book and I'm just putting in my own words. Just so, Yeah, that I'm bringing it out.
But your family, it starts in your mind, Like whatever you portray your family in your mind, like, that's what you're going to get because we do when we think about everything in our heads, and that's where it starts. So that's where we're going to start. And for an example, if you think of an annoying relative, that's what you're
going to get. Like if you're some uncle reefs, is that they're actually if he's annoying or her whoever, whoever's annoying, you're going to go into that family gathering and you're going to be annoyed from them already because that's what's in your head.
You've like preempted them annoying you.
Yeah. Yeah. And if someone gets really angry or loud and you're like, I don't want to go though because they're just so angry and loud, and that's what you're going to get because your mind is everything and that's where it starts. WHOA, So before you go to the plant you're gathering, so and see your family, have a little think of what annoys you or what you get angry with, and think about those people and try and change how you think about them, which is hard because
we're dealing with triggers and all sorts of stuff. So, like it starts with yourself. And usually I believe that when someone triggers you, it's because you don't really like it in yourself, so it's hard to get rid of that.
But coming into the gathering with your intentions, that all right, So it starts with your intentions going into the gathering, so trying to change those annoyances and anger and irritations to how can I bring kindness and inner peace into the relationship, or like your intentions going into the place you're going to go to, and when you start with that, like they're your clear intentions when you go into it, and then so like when you go in and it happens,
because like it's hard to do all this stuff straight up, And yeah, I like to point out that this might take a while. It might do little bits and pieces, and each step, each gathering, you'll do one more and then it'll get better and better.
So is it almost like before you even go to like say the lunch or dinner whatever it is, you go, uncle Rufus has not going to annoy me today? Yeah, or like do you even go one step further, I'm gonna have a great conversation with uncle Rufus.
Yep, you can do that. And when he does his normal thing, try and a few little tools I like to do is take a few like if you can do this quick enough, because you're supposed to do like three deep breaths and calm your nervous system before you get triggered. But try and do it as fast as you can, even wine breath. Just go and then look at that person and look for like love, where where can you see the love? And love him for being who he is? And then like it starts starts from there.
And then all right, let's start with some little role plays and some tools that I like to use in these instances come across. And so you're at a family gathering and your come across that person that is annoying or angry, and a few of the things. One little thing I like to do is take a few deep breaths, if you got to do a bit faster, to take one deep breath and calm your nervous system down. And like they're not there to annoy you. As I said before,
it's in your head that they're annoying. You. So if you try and change that too, I love that person for doing that, and how can I like why? I like to always think why they are? Why are they doing what they're doing? Like there's got to be a reason. So instead of getting triggered, because that's our ego when something gets us, that's our ego saying hey, don't like that, and it's to say no, it's all right, thank you, I've got this, and try and look to that person
and say, like what's going on? Like why are you? Why are you angry at this thing? Like why is it getting you? Because you'll learn a lot more by asking questions, not giving your to Bob's worth and your advice to that person, try and understand where they're coming from and go deeper with them. And yeah, because that's why these cards that we've got out, the conversation cards awesome,
Like I use them a lot too. Go on along those lines because you'll uncover what people are actually thinking and like that whole dynamic of that relationship will change once you want to, when you want to understand that person and just come in it with love and kindness.
So I have a question, is it almost do you love them for doing the thing that's annoying you, or do you love them despite the fact they're.
Doing the thing that's annoying. You can do both. I guess like, if you can like, why not why not love them for either way? It doesn't matter because in your mind, it's not annoying, it's you're just loving them for who they are. And I am funny enough, this happened to be on the weekend. We actually planned this for a while ago, but it happened on the weekend. And then I'll explain what happened with this family member of mine. I'm not going to be the names.
Everyone know, but Captain anim.
Okay, So this person said, don't you want me on your Instagram? Don't worry. I get the hint, and I thought she was joking. So on my Instagram, I unfollowed everyone because I don't want to. I'm trying to a social media cleanse. But then come back in it that just not too much. So I just not followed everyone, except if you have a few little people that I just want to want to follow whose they don't put
much out. And then so this person got triggered, and yeah, that person thought I didn't want I wanted to wipe them out because that's what I did on Instagram. Oh and because you know how that can happen with certain people you don't want to follow them and then it shows that you're not following them and they just think you hate them.
Now, yeah, so.
That happened, and I was so confused because I was like, is she is she being real? Or like is this is this real? Like is she joking around?
And yeah?
So she wasn't joking around, and then she was very passive, aggres aggressive, and so she said, I don't think you were the only one rearranging your life. The past years has been the hardest ones in my life, but I would never wipe you. So it was like pretty hard, and I was like, all right. So I didn't want that to trigger me because I could have my ego could have jumped up and said, I've deleted everyone. What are you talking about? Like, how can you say that
to me? I don't wipe people like I'm a kind person. So I could easily have said that because that's what I believe. So I began and I said, what's going on? Why are you feeling angry? And she said, because you wipe me. That's why, and I said, so to deflate the whole thing, I said, I'm sorry you feel like I have wiped you. I apologize if that's what it looks like. I would never want to wipe you out of my life. I love you so much. I love the weird relationship we have. You must be on so
much pressure and stress. If you need any help, I'm here for you. I hope you know that, oh heart. So after that, instead of doing the ego thing and I would have got a bad message, she said, well, it does feel like that, and I'm not afraid to tell you good because I love that we have a laugh and be weird. I would never wipe you, even though we have never had different lives. Good. As long as you still love me, then I will still love
you back. Yes, I'm stress, but I'm always stressed and I like to dust myself and get on with it. Love heart. So like she lowered her ego down, and then we began to have this nice conversation of what's been going on, what's happening, and like reconnected really well and it was really nice. But yeah, I just thought i'd like to bring that in and that's doing it myself, Yeah.
Because I think when you first said the first message, my initial response would definitely be the ego one. And I feel like sometimes it's easy to forget that even when you're defending yourself and even if you're not being like mean to someone or being super super triggered, there's still a bit of ego in it. If you feel like you need to be correct.
Yep, that's what the ego is. Has to be correct, has to win in any conversation. So I'd like to have a little challenge for yourself and say when this happens, say someone says like you're a shit person, I don't know how you do that, You're a bad moral compass, and like goes pretty deep, take your deep breath. It's just their ego jumping at you, and it's something else. It's never towards that person. Like no one really wants to be angry and great at people unless they've done
something bad. But if it's for no reason it doesn't make sense to you, just lower your ego down and just ask him a question, like what's going on? This behavior is not you? What's happening and just see what they say.
And what did you work through in your head before you responded to that message.
Well, in my head, I didn't wipe her out. Yeah, so it didn't make sense to me. Yeah, so I was like, this doesn't make sense. Why would this person say this towards me? I know and myself that I don't do that to people. Yeah, so it doesn't make sense. That's what I've been doing a lot in my head when something doesn't make sense, even with someone else's stuff, it doesn't make sense. There's something else going on. Yeah,
And it's just communication. It helps. It gets anything like ask him what's going on?
And I'd love to know, just because it actually also has been a bit of a common theme in our Facebook group, the like dealing with relative normally in laws because I guess that is more common because they're very different to you. Whereas your parents you've grown up with
kind of thing. But what if, say, for example, you have a family member that's a bit more old fashioned or just very different values, so they might be like a little bit sexist for example, and stuff like that, would you still try and treat that with love or would it be more questioning their beliefs and how they got there and maybe trying to challenge them on that. How would you deal with a family member like.
That in that scenario, Like it depends if it's getting uncomfortable, Yeah, and it becomes a matter of like, hey, this isn't right with how I'm sitting that certain one. It would be more of like setting your boundaries, just letting them know your feelings. But that's yeah, starting a conversation a whole that's a whole different podcast. Yeah, but like it starts in yourself. Yeah, right from the start of like, no, this isn't going to trigger me. Like, their judgments and
who they are is their business. It's not your business. So when someone tells you a judgment, when they're judging you, that's their judgment. It's none of your business.
And how did you get to that space where others judgments didn't bother you?
I to do a bit of work and myself, So that's it's really hard to talk on here about this sort of thing because I have done work on myself. But it's I've seen it. It can happen, and it starts from the self development journey, journaling and that sort of thing thing. It's getting it out. If you can't go and see someone it's just learning knowledge's power. So keep doing the work and it all slowly happen and progress and that sort of thing, And like that's where
you would want to be. That's where I feel everyone should get to, is not being triggered by stuff and having love and peace in yourself. And when you can get to that point, like that's that's happiness.
I reckon, Yeah, for sure, because nothing, just nothing upsets you.
Yeah, it's just like if that's a person's angry, it's like you must have it. Yeah, It's exactly like when you're around going to the shops or something and someone's aggressive at you, and or when someone cuts you off, I always think, man, he must be in or she must be in a rush to get somewhere. Yeah, like on the road, let him go through instead of oh that idiot crash into me, cut me off. Like that's that's anger in yourself. And when you get that, do
what I said, take a few deep breaths. So thank you. I don't need that anger. I'm going to be in peace and then just let it look at the funnier side or more positive side of you. Just let that person go through to get to an important meeting, and then yeah you did that, you're saying, fuck, I did something good.
I'm a great person.
Yeah, so it's in your head. It all starts in your head. Everything.
And do you have any tips for maybe if you're going into like a family lunch and you've set the intention I'm going to go in with love, I'm gonna have good energy, how you can almost or how you might energetically set your boundaries with people or like not let things get to you. I know Georgie said, like one of her tips is like imagine yourself in a bubble of light and just nothing can come in.
Yep.
Do you have something like that, like an exercise you do to just set that intention or visualize that or is it more just like saying to yourself, I'm going in with love.
I usually just do the verbal Yeah, but like whatever works for you, that's awesome, that sounds amazing if you could do that as well, And I know Georgia has told me that too, and if that works, do it.
Yeah.
There's no right or wrong way. It's just to have your intentions within a peace and kindness because what tends to happen if you do that, everyone will start following you. And this has happened in my family and it's crazy that it has. And I wanted to change my relationship with the family and be more deeper and talk about certain things. And I just started slowly doing it and having my intentions of just yeah, peace and love and kindness, and and they tend to follow, Like people are drawn
to that. Yeah, Like certain people are drawn to the anger. That's just because they've got anger in themselves. But when someone you know, like you will know that person that's like bubbly and you always go to that person and you get so much energy from them, and you think, God, that was awesome being around that person, Like I want to see that person again. Imagine being that person. And it starts with you, so you can be that person. And if you do that bit by bit in your family,
people start joining you. Yeah, and when you get there, because they'll know you have deep conversations, they'll start with you, what's going on? How are you? Like give them the knowledge as well and say, oh, I'm doing this, I'm doing that influence them.
So yeah, that's so cool. It's crazy how many people can surprise you with stuff like that and meet you where you're at. If you give them the chance or ask them enough questions.
Yep, I'm not selling them.
I'm not trying to sell them, but I use them the other day and it was like insane.
Just one last thing is when you go into the gatherings and when you see your family, is to try and have forgiveness to everyone, because we've always got something that we're holding on with people. And if you can get to trying to just forgive them in your head before you going in, that has helped me a lot.
And then having gratitude if there is annoying person and then just won't stop, is to do what I said, from what I've been saying, but and then be grateful that you don't want to be in that person.
If all else fail to be thankful, you're not, then.
Pretty good, you think, And I'm so glad that I don't have anger like that.
Yeah I can.
I don't want to be that person. It does sound a bit bad, but it's like so true because I always do that in business when when everyone's like, oh we've got to strip everything back, we're going in a recession. No, I don't like put all your energy on making money, not budgeting.
Yeah, I see where you're coming from.
Example, but like focus on the good energy, not the bad. So just yeah, when you've come back in with the family members, like just love them for who they are. I just think, thank god, I'm not like that. Yeah, you can help them, but yeah, internally just think Yeah.
And with the forgiveness, is that more like if you've had a bad experience in the past, or you like might be holding a bit of a grudge towards a specific family member, to just let that go before you walk into the situation.
Yes, definitely, Sorry, Like why would you hold on a grudge someone, Like, it's it's an anchor, It's gonna cause more harm in your head. And once you're able to let go and forgive that person, you'll feel so light.
Yeah.
Then again, like that that takes time.
It's hard.
Yeah, it takes you go to work around that sort of thing. You can't just magically do that shit. No, yeah, rich Site, Yeah it's hard to do that. But that's the goal. So when we have a goal like work towards.
It, something that helped me with forgiveness, it's like almost I feel like your ego never wants you to forgive someone because it's like if you forgive them, then they got away with it kind of thing. That's what some people tell themselves. So I can't forgive that person because they need to know what they did was wrong. But like, forgiveness isn't the other person, it's for you. Forgiveness is
going to make you feel better. I don't think their life is going to change much whether you forgive them or not, but it's about you letting it go and not holding that negative energy in yourself. Yep, definitely, thank you for those tips, Cooper.
That's all right.
I feel like it's going to benefit us all the next year. That's gonna be a lot of events.
It's a bit hard to get that stuff out, but hopefully you tuned along, but yeah, try it out. Let us know, and I'd love to hear everyone's stories.
Yeah, that'll be fun. Yeah, maybe in the new year, if everybody sends them in for Christmas, we can do an episode where we read them out.
Yeah. If you've just transformed your whole family.
We'll see you all next week.
Bye bye.
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of the Rise and Conquered Podcast. If you enjoyed it and want more, connect with us on Instagram at Riseanconquer dot podcast and join our Facebook discussion group, a Rise and Conquer podcast community. We're an independent podcast and we have a small team, so we do appreciate your time and support.
If you have a spare moment, a follow or subscribe on whatever platform you listen to would be so amazing, And look, if you're feeling extra kind, a review on Apple Podcasts would be great.