Part of what I'm learning in therapy is that I have this preoccupation with control, and that I feel as though I have the ability and the free will to control my outcome and my environment and all that good stuff.
And I do to a point.
But I think what some people forget to let you know about making choices that you're only responsible for half of the result.
You can do the exact right.
Thing, say in the exact right way, produce it in the exact right way, and it still might not work because you can't control how other people perceive you, or your ideas or your experiences. So when you are building a sense of trust in yourself, do it knowing that you can't control the outcome, but that you can only set yourself up just enough to ensure that you've done everything on your part to make sure it happens with
the way that you intend. But you can also build resilience to keep going if it doesn't work the first time you try.
Welcome back to the Rise and Conquer Podcast. I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson, former lawyer turned entrepreneur, social media personality and personal development junkie. This podcast is for my girl gang who want to feed their mind with positive and expansive thoughts to help them step into their power and live their most authentic life. We chat a variety of topics
including mindset, business, relationships, health, and so much more. Basically, wherever you are on your journey, I want to help you feel inspired and empowered to rise up and conquer your next bold move. I know that's going to look different for everyone, but just no, I'm right here by your side, and that you have the RNC community behind you, let's do this. Hello and welcome to the Rise and Conquer Podcast. It is your host, Georgie, and today I
am joined by the marvelous Lily Ahinken. But you probably know her as flex Mammy on Instagram. So Flex is in an absolute ray of sunshine. She brings light to so many important issues and she's just a really great person to have a chat with, as you will soon find out in this episode. So Flex is definitely someone you could call multi passionate. She's an influencer, a business owner, dj TV presenter, podcaster, author, model, and I'm sure more things.
She certainly has so many achievements under her belt, and we do chat in the podcast how she is definitely a high achiever and that is her type, I guess.
So.
She's also a creator of the incredible company called flex Factory, which sells so many different things. I actually I remember the first thing I bought off flex Factory was chicken salt. And also I have bought her conversation games. But this website sells so many fun games. And she's also given us a code at the end, so make sure you listen for that. In the chat, we talk about her brand new book that is now out on pre order and that comes out a bit later in the year
and the title is The Success Experiments. We get into what her book is about and what success means to her. We also chat about how she got into the industry, her leap from PR to being a DJ to where she is now, and just a whole bunch of other topics. Honestly, I loved, loved, loved this episode with Flex, and we also did like a quick fire questions with her conversation cards at the end too. So really fun, really interesting. You guys are going to love this, so I really
hope you enjoy the podcast. Let's get straight into it. Lillian aka Flex, Welcome to the Rising Counker podcast.
Thank you.
I'm so excited you're here and we're going to chat all things, your new book, business, your cards, lots and lots of things. But before we get into that, do you want to just give the audience a bit of a rundown of who you are and what you do.
Yeah, that's a good one. So my name is technically Lillian, but I think that most people would know me by Flex in terms of what I do. Again, I feel like based on where you know me from, you'd have
a different opinion of what I do. But if I had to list out my CV, I would be a TV presenter, a DJ, a podcaster, an author, a model, an influencer, and a business owner of a online store called Flex Factory that sells predominantly conversation card games that help you have chit chats that actually matter.
You are definitely a multi passionate person, which I absolutely love, and I was so interested. So I remember I started following you maybe a couple of years ago, where you were more in the DJ space and you had just launched the Flex Store, and I remember my first purchase from you was the chicken salt.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's interesting because which is it's wild that like chicken salt right, it's odd, but I you're right, I do have like an entrepreneurial spirit, and it's one of those things where if you know me from DJing, the transition.
Seems really bizarre because you're thinking, what's a DJ doing doing all of these other things? But I think I know that I am a DJ by career, not by passion. So I'm not someone who's like.
Oh, music is like the one thing that I just love.
I was given an opportunity when I was younger to DJ, and I did it, and I was able to turn it into a career. So I see the confusion for a lot of people, but it's the same kind of mentality I use for most things. I was given an opportunity or I saw an opportunity and I just did it.
No, I absolutely love that, and I love that you actually pointed that out because I think sometimes people think, if they, you know, are going to go out and do something, it has to be their one and only passion, it has to be the thing they do for the rest of their life, and there's almost like a lot of pressure on it. Whereas I know kind of your background, where like you said, it was an opportunity, it popped up,
you took it. It led to many other cool things, and I know you kind of still do it on the side. Do you want to tell us about the journey from I know you started in like PR and then you went to a DJ and now you have your own business. Tell us how you got to where you currently are.
Yeah, I would say, I mean it's it's a very long window story that doesn't make a lot of sense.
But basically the way it started.
Was I was working in PR and digital marketing because I watched the hills and thought that it looked cool. There was no really rhyme or reason. And because I didn't have a good understanding of the business landscape, I was really unprepared for how hard it was going to be. And I'm not a behind the scenes type of girly. I like to take credit for my work, and that's not what PR is. PR is doing everything, getting it done, and the only way you get credit is if you
win an award. So I recognize that I'm also someone who can put a lot of effort, and I garner a lot of my self worth from my output, and I create a lot of value from what I do not necessarily who I am, and so I recognized when I was about twenty that I just needed a hobby or something to distract me from kind of like the monotony of this day job. So I wasn't drinking. I mean, I don't drink, so I was going out a lot still, but really felt like, gosh, this gets boring when you're
not drinking. So I thought like it would be sick if I could just have a I could get paid to be here. And I had some friends who adore girls who got paid to be in the club, so I was like, I want to do what you do.
So I did that.
Met some guys who were promoters, and I offered to help them with some pr and some business management. And essentially the thing that catapulted it all was that they were I was a door girl from nine to three am, but from nine to midnight I didn't really have a job because it was free entry, so I would just stand around talking to promoters all night. And these promoters were hosting this event and they had DJs from nine
to midnight, DJs they were paying for. And I was saying, you know, that's a really bad use of your money. Because nobody's here, but you're you know, your expenses are so high because you know you're paying for people to be here, So why don't you just DJ and do it for free save yourself and your business and money. And they were like, oh yeah, but no, we don't really want to do that. We want to, you know, amplify other PEO people. And I was like that sounds good.
I'm like, I want to DJ then if that's the case, and they said, well, you don't know how to, and I said, well I could learn. So the combination of YouTube those guys teaching me my brothers also knows how to produce music. And then suddenly, because I was have always been an outlandish dresser and you know, a person who's been interesting to look at people, just they bought
into that. They were like, great, now we can have you at our club with your interesting looks and your interesting friends, and that'll encourage other interesting people to come to this club. And it did, and so before you knew it, within three to six months, I was doing maybe like twenty five hours of DJing a week, which is starting to cannibalize into my day job. And for the first time I was like, I could do something risky, you know, I could just quit my job and do this thing and be a DJ.
How ridiculous, And.
I was like, whatever worst case scenario, if it doesn't work out, I can just you know, go back and get a real job. But it did work out, and ever since then, I've just been kind of I don't even know if they're risky moves because they're calculated to some degree, but I've just been accepting opportunities when they present themselves because really, the worst that could happen is that I have to go and get a quote unquote real job.
I quote unquote real job.
I love that.
I think when you say the whole you don't know if they are risks, I think they one hundred percent are because in society's eyes, like to do something like that, it's like a oh what is she doing? This might waste time, it's not a quote unquote real job. So to a lot of people it is a huge, huge risk. But I think for you, you're like, yeah, like let's do this, Let's see what comes and do you find that, Like after you took that initial risk with the DJing, that kind of taking risks got easier.
Absolutely, I felt invincible. I was like, let's line it up, what else can I do? Because it did get easier, because it was it became a really clear proof of concept. I did something that was risky and it worked out and it was beneficial, and it wasn't as hard as I had thought it was going to be. And that's not because the industry itself isn't a difficult one. It is really hard to become skilled and to market yourself
and to monetize a creative skill. But I think my insecurities were and my projections of what it could be like were far more difficult. And so yeah, it made me invincible, But it also instilled me with a different sense of confidence, the confidence to try, which I think a lot of people struggle with because they wrap up a lot of their identity in the sphere of failing. Whereas I recognized that I'm going to probably fail quite a bit, but who cares, nobody's going to remain. People
barely remember your success, let alone your failure. Just keep going at it. Honestly, I really think people only remember what sticks because it's sticky, and the rest just becomes a figment of the imagination.
I really believe that.
I love that little rant, and I couldn't agree more. I come from a background, Lilian, where I left my corporate law job to continue you know, on social media and then start my couple of businesses. And I remember I had, you know, done six years of study, got to that end point, done my pelty, got admitted, you know, to the bar or whatever they call it, and I remember people being like, are you serious, Like they just
couldn't fathom in their head taking a different step. But for me, I was just like in my knowing of like it was so risky and so like it wasn't necessarily easy, but one hundred percent I do agree. Like then once you do that risky thing and you take it and you have that sort of feeling of like I can literally do anything, and also it's like yeah, yeah, it's that feeling of like no, kind of like what's
the worst that could happen? But also I remember that feeling of if I don't try this, I think I'm going to regret it, which for me was like too heavy.
Then the absolutely and I personally think indecision is a far It's a far harder place to be than making a choice and sticking with it. Conviction is really easy because you only have yourself to blame if things go left or right, if things go good or bad, if things are right and wrong.
But it's the indecision.
That plagues you because you're so wrapped up in the fear of possibility, and possibility for a lot of people isn't hopeful. It's very fear inducing.
If I don't, If I do, but this could happen, but I could get fired, blah blah.
Make a choice, and I promise you you'll feel better knowing that you chose something, because even if it doesn't turn out, you can say with certainty it didn't work and you can move on.
M I love that I use someone who's like quite in well, like I know you are better, I'll ask the question anyway, I use someone who's quite intuitive.
Yeah, but I actually I balance that intuition with a rational logic. I have this grandiose sense of self, which I feel like my mum instilled in me. She really made me feel confident about things that I had no business being confident about. I remember when I was younger, like I really wanted to get the gap in my tooth closed. I really want embraces for no good reason except that other people didn't have gaps in their teeth.
And my mom was like, oh, no, like, I think that looks really lovely, and so many like culturally in Africa, usually gaps and teeth are signs of wealth and health and it's a really esteemed trait to have, and she
was like, no, I think it's really lovely. And so only did she convince me that it was lovely because she thought it was lovely, and I believed what she believed, but also she went to the dentist and got a gap shaved in her tooth and like that to me, she didn't do it because she wanted me to feel better. She did it because she really believed that. She thought that I was beautiful. She thought my teeth are beautiful.
She's like, what the fuck, Like, yes, this of course about the gap shaved in my tooth, what do you think this is? And so seeing her being so convicted, I was like, yeah, fuck, that's so true, like I like it or you know, I don't feel insecure about my weight. I don't feel insecure about my level of intellect because I either have grown to feel comfortable with it. I've chosen to feel comfortable with it, or I'm working
towards being better. So it's this kind of thing where I can recognize when I am giving advice or when I'm giving any kind of motivation of any kind, it's coming from a place where I trust myself and I have a level of confidence that allows me to feel
secure in the things that I choose to do. And so I'm I'm not naive, and I understand that people don't have that same level of conviction, but if you do want to be the person who does things, it's important to develop some level of trust in yourself, whether your intuition or your skill set or your ability to rationalize. Give yourself a reason to trust yourself and the decisions that you end up making.
M Wow, I love that story about like with your mum and the teeth. Like, I think the vibe that I got them was like, you're so self accepting that you're like, well, this is me, this is you know, my belief of who I am and how I show up. And yeah, like the confidence just like radiates off that too.
Yeah, I guess self accepting is a lovely phrase, And yeah, I guess that is it, Like it I am what I am until I decide to change.
Yes, But also I think with self acceptance, like I think in order to change in the first place, like there always needs to be self acceptance because if you can accept yourself, like I talk about this concept of like you know, for me, confidence isn't walking into a room and thinking I'm better than all the people there. For me, confidence is walking into the room and not comparing myself because I have accepted myself, like you know, the flaws plus the attributes, and it's like I know
who I am, I know where I stand. So I'm very grounded in that and I yeah, I very much get that feeling, with which I love absolutely and I would love also to chat about so you were so you were talking about, you know, you have this confidence which is huge and I love that your mum instilled that with you. And also, like you said, like you go on throughout your timeline where you're making these risky choices, but then it gets easier and you trust yourself more.
And I think I think that's also huge because on this podcast, I have a lot of people and women who, you know, maybe they have a side hustle, maybe they're about to leave their job and A huge thing is instilling that trust. And I just love what you spoke about in regards to like, if you don't trust yourself and if you don't make those moves, then it's like
who will? And I would love to finish this little bit of the conversation before we go on to your brand new book with just any advice you would have for someone who is about to make that big, at you know, risky choice.
Yeah.
I think the part of what I'm learning in therapy is that I have this preoccupation with control and that I feel as though I have the ability and the free will to control my outcome and my environment and all that good stuff.
And I do to a point.
But I think what some people forget to let you know about making choices, that you're only responsible for half of the result. You can do the exact right thing, say in the exact right way, produce it in the exact right way, and it still might not work because you can't control how the people perceive you, or your
ideas or your experiences. So when you are building a sense of trust in yourself, do it knowing that you can't control the outcome, but that you can only set yourself up just enough to ensure that you've done everything on your part to make sure it happens with the way that you intend. But you can also build resilience to keep going if it doesn't work the first time you try.
Oh wow, I love that. That's the most original little piece of advice we've had on the podcast. And I love that you're very open about, you know, going to therapy. I see a psychologists and it was the best thing I ever did. All right, Flex, let's and I am going in between Lily and Flex and I do apologie. I love it. It feels it feels natural. But let's chat about your book. So you have a brand new book that has just gone on pre sale. I'm so excited. I'm like a bit of a so of help junkie.
I need to say any sort of yeah, like anything like that. I'm like, oh, yes, I cannot wait. So I'm very excited. And first of all, congratulations, that's like.
Huge, very huge.
Can you tell the listeners at just a little brief overview of what the book is about.
Yes, So the book is called The Success Experiment, and for some context, basically I think for the for the for the larger part of my career, people have been asking me to essentially explain how I did what I did to get to where I got, and I feel I don't feel insecure with giving people advice, because all advice is good advice, But there are so many different variables that pertain to why I was able to achieve success in the way that I did it because I am me and I wanted the things that I want,
and I did it in the way that I wanted to and the industry received me in a certain way.
And blah blah blah.
So I didn't feel convicted in telling people that this is what you could do for your own bespoke kind of success, and so my publisher ended up ask me, well, what do you want, Like, what can you give people if you don't feel confident that what you did is what they can do to achieve their kind of success.
And then it hit me. I told my publisher, and this is what the book's about, that I wanted to conduct an experiment and I'm hypothesizing that if people replicate and imitate the steps that I use to create my own bespoke form of success, they two in some way, can create their own form of success and by doing that, it requires six distinct steps that I can give you, but it's up to you to figure out how to
integrate that in your own personal story. And those six steps of figuring out who you are number one, because I think what people don't recognize is that who you are will impact what you want and how you can get it far more than you recognize. We can all read the same quote, the same business book, the same message, and interpret it a thousand different ways. And what you need to understand is how you're interpreting and perceiving your
environment and the success that you make. The second step is who you want to be, because I think that a big part of growth is understanding that, yes, we can be self accepting and we can know who we are, but you need to recognize that changes need to be made in order for you to have the thing you don't have. We can't just be sitting here in a vacuum, untouched by the world around us and expect to gain this sense of growth. It doesn't happen that way. And
then step three is discovering what you want. Because again people do not know what they want. They start to look for these arbitrary queues to tell them like, this is what success is. Therefore, I want that, I want a business, I want money, I want that partner. But when you strip away all those really arbitrary ideas, what do you want? Do you want to feel seen? Do you want to feel valued? Do you want to feel heard? Do you want to feel motivated? Do you want enough
money to live on a farm. That's really important to understand. And then the fourth step is why do you want that thing? What do you think getting that will do for you?
Actually?
What ideas have you projected onto this fantasy it's going to fulfill you? Because we need to break that down immediately and become as objective as we can about the things that we want and what we feel they'll do for us. Then step five is how to get it? Because that's what these books never fucking tell you, How do I actually get the thing? So I created a fifteen step system that will help you do exactly that. It's a system that I use quite often. I think
it's very self explanatory. But the reason why I put it a step five is because you can't skip all these really crucial foundational building blocks to get what you want. You have to do all that foundational work. So whatever you build on top is built on top of a surface that isn't breakable. It's built with trust and conviction and certainty that you as a person is not self sabotaging your goals. And then the sixth step is what
to do when you get it? Because I think a lot of us are under the impression that success is a linear journey, like once I get it, it's done. No, the bench post always moves, the ideas always change. Your want to needs are malleable and they are going to change. So what's going to happen when you've done a year, two years, three years, six months of pinning for this one thing only to realize that you want something else?
And that is the success experiment. So I'm really proud of it, and I think, finally I'm at this point where I'm so comfortable giving this insight because it relies on me to have known that that's what I do and that's what works for me. But it's also putting the onus on the reader to understand. I can't tell you who you are, I can't tell you what you want, I can't tell you why you want it, but I can tell you that if you learn those things about yourself and then use this tool for how to get it,
you'll get as close as you possibly humanly can. Wow.
I was just taking that all in and I am so excited. I love steps. I'm a step person, so the fact that it has six steps, I'm all about it. And I thought you broke it, broke down down so well and I would love for you to touch on So A huge thing that I also chat about too is like knowing what you want, and I think I love that you are, like that's step three. And I think some people, yeah, like you said, they have these like kind of arbitrary things of I want money or
I want this car I want to yeah. But then really, when we unpack that, it's like, do you just want that because you know, to impress your neighbor, yeah, or because you think that job is super easy and kind of getting like the I guess the behind reason of it. Do you find that sometimes when you decide what you want, then you really get into like why you want it, that it might change.
Absolutely.
I'm constantly fighting between what i want and why I want it, only because I'm someone who at the core I'm very motivated by value and having my value recognized. So I end up seeking opportunities that validate me rather than nourish me. So it becomes a slippery slope because I'm like, oh, my goodness, Like here I am doing these amazing things. Everybody thinks I'm great, But then in reality, I just want five days to sit down and play with some crafts.
You know.
I want to paint, I want to like plant something. I want to cultivate and nurture and exercise my creative liberties and these things. You know, if you're somebody who creates, often those things you feel sensitive about it.
I don't want people.
Critiquing my art, and so some of the things that I hold so closely I don't want to share. But I'm in the business of sharing, you know, and letting people in and giving and giving. So I'm always trying to find that balance between how much can I give without literally taking for myself so the benefit of people who don't recognize how hard it is for me to give this part of myself and leave it up to critique.
So it is it is like a push and pull.
But like I said, the only reason why I know that I'm motivated buy value and having my value recognized is from knowing who I am, and that's step number one. I couldn't have got to know what I want unless I knew fundamentally who I am and why I am that way. And you know, I think that when I wrote that chapter, it wasn't I didn't write it for people to for people to know how to explain who
they are in twenty five words or less. No, I did it so you could have more context for yourself, and so you wouldn't feel limited by, you know, the success that it's available to other people. Because if you're motivated by helping people and you feel a lot of value within yourself when you can be of service to others, then maybe don't go work in an industry that requires you to exploit people. That's not going to work for you. You know. Maybe don't work in an industry where it's
sales based because that's not intrinsically helping people. You know, Maybe work in an industry where you can, or maybe don't work. Maybe be the person who's always there to lend a helping hand, Be the person who offers to walk somebody across the road, Be the person who offers to help somebody move like that could be a source of value and success for you. But yeah, it all matters.
A one hundred percent, And I think that's huge in regards to your final step of like what you do once you get there, because if you're chasing this thing that realistically it's just because you know, society has put this expectation on you. Let's just say, for example, to buy a house. But in your true like nature and who you are, and you know your alignment with who you are, if that's not actually important, then once you get to the end, it's not going to feel successful,
if that makes exactly. And I would also love to chat about So number six is you know what you do once you get it? And this is this is a bit of a selfish crushing because I am the worst for achieving something and then literally looking to the next goal. And I am one hundred percent think I'm a I'm a bit addicted, let's be honest, because I do. I love I just love like doing things and putting ideas out there and then seeing them, you know, come
to life. And I really love the hustle and the grind, even though a lot of the time it burns me out. So a huge thing that I'm actually trying to do right now is like sit in the receivership of like when you actually you know, finish something or a you know, quote unquote, are successful of actually like sitting in that and seeing what that feels like, because I think so many times I just brush over it, and what are your thoughts on that? And what's something that you do?
You know, sort of at that end point.
I'm with you exactly. And for the longest time, I think I had the same perspective you had, which is, oh no, I recognize that I'm not taking the time to relish in my achievements. What can I do? And I think we have a similar mindset when we try to logic and achieve our way out of like just the logic of being like, oh no, I can't take the time to settle into my achievement. Let me figure it out, let me apply a solution, let me do this. And that's like the antithesis of what you need to
be doing. It's almost like to really accept it or to really celebrate it, you do nothing. You accept whatever feeling is coming across and you recognize it like, oh okay, that's how I'm feeling, then that's how I'm feeling. I think a part of me recognized early on is that I've set myself up in the way that like, I'm not recognizing that I'm someone who likes to achieve for achieving sake. And then it's not that I know I can fix, it's the it's the reality of this situation
I'm in. And so long as I keep putting myselves in situations where I'm creating to create value to be validated for that value, that it's going to be a cyclical loop that I can't get out of unless I cate value for me and not for the validation of others. So in the last chapter we talk a lot about retrospectively figuring out why you're even in this spot where we now have to talk about success and what it means to you and why you're achieving.
Did you scratch that itch?
Or are we now literally back at square one when we're going back to self analysis?
Who am I?
Because I'm the person like like, why am I this way that I can get to the end of a book about succeeding and want to talk about what to do now that I've succeeded. In reality, we should be done. You know, we did it, but no, the nature of it is that, like we go back to square one, and while we may not be looking for material success this time, we might be looking for spiritual success. So we start from scratch. Who am I? I'm a person
motivated by material things? Why is that the case? I don't know, it feels good, blah blah blah, and then you know, the cycle continues. So that's the spoiler that the success experiment never.
I was just thinking then, I was like, I need a journal because she's got a point one hundred percent that. It is interesting though, because it's like very typical of my personality to go, oh, well, now I'm you know, aka successful. How should I feel? And I'm not feeling that way?
So what do I do? Now? Yeah, that's really funny. Have you done your niogram?
You skilled me there, puddon.
Have you done your eneagram?
I haven't?
Oh I really recommend what are you? Three?
Like, I'm kind of okay, So niagram is it's what's the three?
So basically, don't think of this as like the Mayers Briggs because as much as I have utilized that tool in the past. It really isn't sophisticated enough to really understand the scope and depth of human behavior. The enneagram is essentially it's not a typing system. It's a it's like a self analysis tool where you can figure out, you know, if you're operating in a healthy form, how are you being perceived? What type are you perceived as?
When you're healthily operating, what type are you perceived as? And when you are in a state of you know, deterioration or you're going with the flow or whatever, what are you what are you being perceived as? So I'm a three, which means that my archetype is an achiever. I like to do things. I like to be validated for doing things. I like a system. I like winning, I like succeeding. I like also I like people knowing
that I am these things. So it's it's I if I achieve in a room and nobody sees did I achieve?
No, what's even the point?
What's the point.
So so that's that's what I know about myself. And so it talks about you're giving like this fifty page pdf about yourself, but it talks about the basic fears of a three and the motivations of A three. And what we've recognized with three achievers myself, is that achievers don't just do it for this internal sense of gratitude, because most achievers know they could sit in a room and watch Netflix for six hours and not feel.
Bad about it.
But it's this idea of like, once you've set your mind to achieving, now everybody needs to know. Everybody has to validate it. Everybody has to know you're own track. Everybody has to know that you're doing the right thing. And it's great until you get to a point where the validation doesn't feel good anymore because you already know you have the capacity. If you knew how to write, if you knew how to run a business in twenty ten, and you're still getting compliments in twenty twenty, well that's
not that exciting. You've been doing it, and so you look for new ways to be validated, and then it becomes a really empty transaction because you're not looking for real, sustaining self celebration. You're looking for really empty indicators that you're on the right track, but you already know it. And so the thing about the enneagram is it puts into perspective that.
It just puts.
It just helps you reflect yourself back at you and helps you kind of recognize the areas where you might be your own enemy of progress and you might be the reason for you know, this internal dissatisfaction. So me a three and achiever fascinated with success, writing a book on how to succeed getting to step six and starting it at step one now that the book is finished is inherently my problem.
But here I am, Oh my god, I'm actually losing it. Do you think I'm a three two? Because I'm kind of feeling think you're a three?
Threes everything recognize threes because I'm.
Like, yeah, sorry, you go realistically if.
It doesn't really work, the same with other types, like I don't think of a one season one and says you're a one, I'm a one. But the three is in particular. So much of what we do is this. It's not necessarily external validation, but it's externalizing our achievements. Threes don't achieve quietly, and it's not like we're going to be sitting here being like, look at me, I'm succeeding,
but it's clear to others that we have achieved. You know even if we said I don't feel successful, somebody around us, whether it be a friend a stranger, will validate that, No, you are in fact successful. So that's why I think threes can find it easy to see each other, Because if I'm looking at you and I can recognize that you're successful, part of me is like, Okay, am I mirroring?
Am I reflecting? Am I am? I? Like? Thirsty for that? Do I want some of that? Do I want to bask in it? You know?
It's very interesting, but I think it would If you're already someone who's interested in self development, then that's a natural extension that I think is far more beneficial than a lot of these very basic one dimensional typing systems are.
I absolutely love that one hundred percent. I love doing tests in myself too. A bit of a sign I would do that I did. Have you had your human design, ran, Yeah, I have?
What are you? I'm a manifesting generator?
Fucking stop it? So am I though?
Of course?
Oh my god, that's why I was like, I bet she's a myth person generator. Well, I'm one hundred percent of three too. I just know it. I feel like I'm self aware enough but I will do it and then confirm email or DM. Yeah, i'd love to know you know, we're on point. I love that and I think it is huge. Also what you said of like being self aware enough about Yeah, like we were talking about of what makes you you know, what tickles your fancy and what lets you up, because that's the whole
thing of being successful. It's going to be so different for everything. And just to finish off our confo about the book, can you kind of define and I don't know if you will, but what does success mean to you?
Yeah?
Personally, success is the ability to like try, achieve and sustain a form of contentment that works for you in that time. And I think for me, once I developed that own definition for myself, it allowed me to It allowed me to create moments of success in anything I
was doing. Instead of saying the business, you know, the money or whatever, it was like, No, I just need to try and sustain any form of contentment and that will be enough for me because I think what I only realized through doing stuff is that I felt far better doing far less, you know, like somehow spending eight hours making a pair of pants for myself because I wanted them can in some ways feel far greater than you know, running a really profitable business some days like
a who would have thought?
But now I know?
Oh my god, that is like so funny but so so true and well, like you said, that's the whole thing of like knowing yourself. So I love that definition of success. I'm not gonna lie. I'll have to like debunk it. I really listened to this episode because it was like intricate, but I did, I did enjoy it.
What's yours definition? Putting me on.
The spot, I guess my this is this basic bitch. I feel like a basic bitch now after your definition, bit, I think my definition of success is like again, contentment and happiness in the right now, so in the process as well, Like I'm a huge person of enjoying the process, not just the end result. So you don't get to like what am I even doing? So that's why I had very much created my life where and I never
used to be like that previously. I used to be that person who lived for the weekend, lived for the holidays, like that was you know, in my corporate box. But now I very much like for me, success is if I'm finished a workday, and I'm like, you know, I've enjoyed it and I'm not, you know, wishing away my life. If that makes sense.
Yeah, I'm with you. Happiness is a tricky one for me. I steer clear of that one just in case. It feels so fleeting that I'm kind of like, I'll do contentment.
And part of me thinks because of the industries that we're in, you know, like I was saying to myself, I don't when I was talking to my business partner the other day and I was like, I don't want to do things that don't feel good, like it doesn't feel right, and she was like, I get it, and I was like, you know what, fuck, I just sound so entitled because we've been able to create this reality where we can just do things that feel good because
it's the privilege we've been given from you know, being an influencer, running your own business, whatever you want to call it. But it doesn't necessarily translate outside of this direct type of living, you know, Like I think about all the other people who don't have the privilege of just choosing happiness, because like everything around you is like, no, you've got to choose stability, you've got to chose use security,
you've gotta choose consistency. You can't choose happiness, which is so unfair.
But that's I literally you said that, and I was resonating so much because I think sometimes and it's it's funny you said that because my marketing manager for Naked Harvest the other day we were talking about something and she wanted to do something like kind of like a proper PR way, and I was like, no, it doesn't feel good to me. We're doing it this way, which like really didn't make sense. So she's just looking at me like, all right, fucking hell, we'll do it this way, Georgie.
Yeah.
But for me, that's how I run my business, where it's like very much intuition, like does it feel good to me? And it just works out. And I one hundred percent do realize that comes with so much privilege in regards to me living the life I do and whatnot. I just thought that's so interesting that you said that, because I just had that conversation.
I think.
I was like laughing. I think also though, if it's not like it's not like every single workday, I'm like, fuck, that was the best workday. Ever, Like, definitely, I have a cool job, but I do some cool things, but it's like some workdays, it's not the best thing. But I think for me, the definition of success is is there some part of my day that I found joy?
And that's why I'm a huge person on like my morning routine where I literally take two hours out of my day to like do my thing and stuff like that. Of like touching on maybe it doesn't have to be the whole time, but did I get joy out of today? Yeah, that's a really good one pondering. This episode is brought to you by Naked Harvest Supplements, the natural supplement company
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Well let's switch gears and before we get onto your flex Factory and your flex card games, which I'm literally obsessed with, and I've got them in front of me so we can play a little bit at the end.
But I just wanted to touch on social media because I started following you a couple of years ago, and you really are someone I enjoy on social media, Like I have muted so many people just because I'm like, what are you even giving to my life apart from you know, I don't know some shitty products that I know you probably don't use. So I absolutely love you on Instagram, and I just wanted to know your thoughts, like how
do you feel about yourself? And I know you are super self aware, how do you feel about yourself on social media? Do you like you know the role you play? And I know also you won that award for was it social Media Staff from E.
Yeah, Social Star of the Year twenty twenty from eo.
Oh, that's like yeah from either It's like so impressive and like big congratulations, so well deserved, but yeah, how do you feel about the whole social media thing?
It's interesting because I could critique it for days and days and days and pull it apart, but realize that I benefit from the system that's so corrupt. Similar to you, there are a lot of people that I just feel like, Gosh, give me something. And that's not to say I want people to be like educators, entertainers or whatever, but we really have outgrown the need for like vapid influencers and celebrities.
And that's not to say you overcorrect and become a a lecturer, but there's something about the vapid nature of celebrity that really fit our lifestyle a couple of years ago, when we were living in delusions and life was just you know, life was a fairy tale. But like, we're in a pandemic, where in an environment where we're acutely aware of how systemic issues are impacting people.
We are aware of like the disparity.
Between people who are able to live comfortably in people whose governments don't even exist for their own benefit. So when you log on the internet and you have someone being like, oh my god, like I need your help. Do I do the red lipstick or do I do the orange lipstick? Hey, everyone, I need your help. Do you want me to wear this Apple watch band or this Apple watch band, and it's like, I don't care.
So I I found it.
I used to find it really hard being an influencer a couple of years ago, because I wanted so dearly to fit the stereotype and to try and do it the way it had been done, because that was getting so much success. If you were a flat lay, bikini shot fitness, a skewed influencer five years ago, you know, healthy meals, outfit of the day, quote influencer, that really was the space for you, hyper positive, all that shit. That was so great, but it didn't really reflect the
conversation I was having. And I already had struggled with feeling like a caricature of myself only because like being a black Australian person, especially people only really know Black American culture, not like African culture or Australian culture. So I was constantly having to like fit this mold for people. I'm like, babes, I don't have an accent, I don't know about American culture like that, I can't help you.
So I think I was just a little bit sensitive to being perceived as somebody I was not that I personally overcorrected and was like, they have to know everything about me, they have to know that I'm being real, authentic. I took a shit today, I'm on my period, like this is what I think, this is what I believe, whatever. And it was great because it created this standard that
I could be myself completely online, which I love. But it's also created this standard that people you know, feel and to some extent, are entitled to my thoughts at any given time, and my opinions and my wants and my needs. And as much as I love to talk, I don't want to talk to strangers all day like I and not necessarily just strangers, but strangers I have no context for you and I had can have this conversation because there's a context for why we're doing it
and who we are. But a lot of the time it feels like I'm just giving us like things that I hold dearly to myself, like my thoughts, for nothing, and then being scrutinized or then having to justify them. I don't want to justify myself. So it's a tricky
landscape to exist in. Because I can recognize the benefits of what I get from existing in this place but I think it's definitely reached a point where it's not as valuable to me as it once was, in the sense that there's a cap on how much you can make based on how many follows you can have, based on how much effort you want to put in and how much time you want to spend on the internet, and when you want to manage your social media in
a manageable way. It literally like it's not as beneficial, Like you literally have to give everything you have in order for it to be beneficial, and that's not worth it for me. And that's where I'm at currently.
I'm just taking it all in one hundred percent. I agree with what you're saying in regards to it being tricky, because there's this on one side of social media where me and you both like get so much from it and have that privilege of yeah, earning money from it and having status and those sorts of things which would have been such a catalyst and so many things that you have then done, you know, after social media. So one hundred percent, it's not like it's a platform that
I hate or I can't stand. But I am also loving that people are being more smart and are I guess expecting more substance from influences, Like I think it can kind of go almost too far sometimes, Like I know recently, well just in twenty twenty, we had so many political movements and we had a lot going on, and I remember feeling some pressure of having to speak about things that I really, you know, didn't have any knowledge about, and if you took time to have knowledge
and to read, it was, oh, well you're you were, yeah, scrutinized. So it can be almost this hard space to navigate, but also this really positive space. But in saying that, I do agree in regards, so I think we are going into a better place where influencers also do have more of a responsibility. Like I can't remember who I was chatting to the other day, but it was almost like I remember, the influencer space was like the wild
wild West. Literally they could do anything. Everything was believed, whereas now people more Chloe, people do expect more substance, like they do want to not just see an emoji in a photo. Yeah, well some you know, some people.
Yeah, still there's a lot of but yeah.
Yeah, exactly, And I am kind of liking that people are going that way, and it to be completely honest with you, like I used to be one of those very one dimensional because yeah, like that's like or that's all I kind of knew and all that was expected. And that's honestly like where a lot of my account grew because I was the back in the day, you know,
before and after girl with the fitness photo. And I remember also, yeah, just I remember feeling like there was this pivotal moment where I'm like, I can even keep doing this one dimensional shit where I know in you know, myself and who I am that it's like, I know I'm more than this. I know I have an actual voice. Like who knows if anyone wants to hear it or not, But for me, it was like I couldn't be on the platform and not share my authentic self because it
was just to that you know, pivotal moment. So I feel like we are kind of similar in that thing.
And I guess for the longest time, it's been influencers dictating what the platform is and how it should go. Like influencers among them created trends, and then other influencers followed, and then that created the tone for the rest of the Internet. Now it's consumers like, they set the tone. Who you give your likes to, who you engage with is who gets to be on top. It's algorithmic. It's not about preferences. It's literally about consumer and user behavior.
And so I feel as though once audience members, consumers, whatever you want to call them, recognize that they are responsible for a lot of the people who remain on top, suddenly they've got to be more discerning with who you choose to hate, watch, hate, follow, because on the algorithm's end, a watch is a watch, a follows a follow, a like is a like, A share as a share, And the more you do those things, the more it amplifies
those content creators. And so if you want to see more enriching stuff on your feet, and I'm not talking just educational, like, if you want to see people who look like you, who think like you, who like what you like, then you have to validate those creators for existing. They might only have one thousand followers two thousand followers, but like, they need your like and follow more than a celebrity with sixteen million needs your like and follow.
No, I love that, and that's huge. Like, I think we all kind of know by now, we get to choose what shows up in our feed, and we should be super picky because yeah, these are the people who you're you know, even by following these people and liking their stuff, you're enriching them, You're amplifying them. So it's
just about being very conscious of that. And also I think like a huge thing too, is is realizing that the whole what you're saying about, you know, the hate follow like just kind of checking up on people and that sort of thing, it's like you're still amplifying that person. And also just touching on one last thing, I love what you said about the consumer has a lot of
the control now. Like I remember it was only maybe a couple of months ago where I got a DM that was like Georgie, you're using like filters too much and I was likectually struggling through a bit of a you know, time I had a surgery and anyway whatnot. And I remember kind of taking that on board and being like, yeah, fuck, what am I doing sort of thing, And don't I'm not to say like I don't agree with followers dictating everything because again, it's my platform. It's
so not my platform. It's MySpace I'm allowed to show up and do what I want. But I do love that, you know, followers and consumers do have a bit of control and makes the influencer have somewhat of the responsibility too.
Yeah. Absolutely, all right.
Flex, we are going to move on to our last little section of the pod. I've just looked and we've been going for a good fifteen minutes. So to wrap things up, I want to play your Flex game and I hope that's okay.
Yeah, let's do it quick.
Side note, and so literally sitting in my car recording this and my laptop will die shortly, so if it happens to cut off, I hope you have like a nice area to like round out the podcast.
I'm so sorry.
No, no, you're so okay, You're so okay. Will be super quick before we get into the games, do you want to just quickly explain to the audience your games and where they can find them, just in case you do get cut off.
Absolutely so. I have conversation card games. You've got Flex Factory ones and Reflex card games. The Reflex ones are the most popular, and we call them critical thinking card games. And what you're meant to do is each of these set of cards has a question on them, and you're meant to answer it really honestly and truthfully, and then after you answer it, you're meant to unpack why you answered it that way, What influence is the way you think?
Why you think that way, And it's really fantastic just to get a better understanding of who you are as a person. Of course, you can play it as like a drinking game. Plenty of people do, but I'm assuming if you're listening to this, then you like self development and you like personal growth, and you like looking for really easy, attainable ways to be a better personal shortcut to growth vibes like if you want a real quick, easy shortcut to learn more about yourself, then play Reflex.
And I absolutely love the game Flex with my husband because he's not the biggest conversationist. So I will literally bring the cards to like date nights and stuff so we can have these like interesting convos. Yea, and like we do this thing where every Sunday we do Sunday morning coffee and I literally will bring cards so we can have a chat and yeah, you unpack it, you talk about it. I could talk underwater. So I love the same. It's just it's and I've definitely played it
drinking too, and it's a lot of fun. Well, let's get straight into it. To finish the pod, guys, we're going to answer some Flex cards and then make sure you go and check out Lilian Akaflex her cards everything. I will link it all in the show notes. I'm just doing a quick outro in case you're flat off you guys, But Flex, when was the last time you had pure fun?
I think that.
If I reflect, and the first n it comes up is Coachella, as bad as that sounds, and not because the festival was anything amazing. But I went with some of my closest and oldest friends and our objective was just to do things that felt good. So, yes, we might have on a few dangerous things, you know, we might have gotten a few cars that we shouldn't have
gotten into. We might have stayed up too late, we might have gotten up too early, whatever it was, but our only objective was to do what feels good, follow the fun. And it felt so nice to like not
have responsibilities. We felt like children with adult privileges. Everything was funny, everything was silly, Everything was totally made with pleasure in mind, and I think that's a really hard feeling to replicate because real life isn't like a holiday that you paid thousands of dollars to go on, and it's really hard to replicate that sense of freedom when you're literally stuck in your city or your hometown or your suburb.
But pure fun that definitely comes to mind.
Oh that was a good That was a bloody good answer. My answer is like again being a basic bitch. But literally three days ago or last week, I went to Byron with Naked Harvest and it was like a little retreat that we did for some of our influences, and we did this our workout class called Hustle, which was
like pilates, And I'm not gonna lie. I'm usually that person who's like, oh, pilates, because I'm more of like a person I love strength training, I love weights, I love like kind of hit, get it done, let's leave bigger sort of movements. And this class they had like
these old R and B beats pumping. The chick was she was like Spanish, she had this amazing accent and she was so much fun and I don't know the whole like every it was a private class too, so it was just us girls and the vibe and everything. I've literally never laughed and had so.
Much oh exercising, and like I literally went and went in enjoy the exact same like hustle at the Gold Coast where I live, because I was like, fuck, I need this in my life.
Oh, because I haven't enjoyed excising since my I haven't enjoyed exercising since my surgery last year and really like just felt in a bit of a funk and that is like my happy place. So love that for me. And now I'm doing the classes daily and loving life.
That's a good answer because now right next question, oh yea, yeah, we're gonna run on time.
No, okay, So this is going to be an interesting one. Would you rather live without love or money?
I would rather live without love, I think for a long time. I've thought about that question a lot, and only because there are so many other ways you can
give and receive kindness that aren't loving. And we live like I think a lot of people aren't loving to me, but they treat me with fairness, They treat me with kindness, and they treat me with compassion, and I think I can live with that, I think I don't appreciate the love I have in my life a lot, and so there are some days that I don't recognize that what could turn this day around is love and it's loving behavior. But I just let like money and you know, buying happiness motivate me.
So I think I.
Could actually physically live without love for longer than I could live without money if you took all the money I had away from me. Today, I can't pay my rent, like where am I living?
Like I can't eat, like I can't like forage. It's done.
But I could really make adjustments around having an absence of love in my life because there are other ways that can mimic love without actually being love or giving love.
What about you go, go, oh.
My god, this is a fucking interesting card. And I, oh my god. See it's hard because I've been with my husband since I'm seventeen, so obviously I have so much love for him and our life and whatnot. Been saying that I really do not agree with the saying that like you can't buy happiness. I really see that since having more money and having yeah, like to be completely honest, well, it can buy a lot of things that make you feel good and make you feel loved.
That's it.
Oh, it's so hard.
And you can have hair.
Honestly, you can have tenderness, you can have security, you can have comfort, you can have compliments. Without love, you can still have good stuff. There's no money. Light.
Yeah, honestly, I think I'd rather be like an independent person who can feel secure and like actual live life, because you cannot live life without money. So I'm confused, unfortunately. So yeah, I'm yeah, I'm kind of with you on that one. Bloody love these cards. As you can see, Guys, they are so much fun. They would create conbos. Make sure you get onto it. I really need to. I've just got the I think the game one Flex, and I really need to get on to the explicits.
I think I will send you every single game we have, and I will give you a discount coach to share with everyone, because everyone should have it.
It's it's a blast.
Oh did you hear that? Guys? Can we make the discount code rise and Conquer?
Yes we can, and we'll do twenty percent off.
Oh thank you so much, Flex, We do appreciate it. Guys. Please get onto these cards and also make sure you check out flex Insta or all her handles and stuff will be in the show notes. I will put that code in there, and honestly, yeah, you'll have so much fun. It's like it's making me laughing thinking of the times I've had my girlfriends doing these cards. So thank you so much, Flex you, thank you delight on the show and yeah, thank you so much.
You're the best. Let's talk to you.
So thanks Flex. I will chat to you later. And rn C fam, the code is a Rise and concer. I'll put everything in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for listening for another R and C episode. I really appreciate taking the time to be here with me, and also for taking the time
for yourself. If you've found this episode helpful, it would be so amazing if you shared it on your stories and tagged us, or simply just send it on to a girlfriend or family member who would benefit from listening. We are an independent podcast run by me and my amazing podcast manager, so it would mean the world to us if you left a review on the Apple podcast app. Also, if you're vibing this podcast and the concepts we're chatting about, and your craving community. Please come and join us over
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