I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which this episode is being recorded, the Coomboo Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson, and this is the Rise and Conquer Podcast.
This is the podcast where.
We have mindset, self development and becoming your higher self mix soon with a lot of laughs, plus behind the scenes of my life running two businesses and being among Think of us as the perfect combo of brunch with your besties mixed with self development. No matter where you are in your journey, we're here to help you be curious, pull yourself out, and embrace radical self awareness. If you're ready to get into the driver's seat of your own life and stop letting life past you by, then you're
in the right place. Hello, my loves, and welcome back to the podcast. With Mother's Day coming up this weekend, we thought it would be the perfect time to share a little bonus episode of the ten mistakes I've made
as a mother. Now, obviously there are more of these, and these are just kind of like the ten biggest lessons that I have learned over the past two and a half years with Ivy Girl, and it was really cool to reflect and I really feel like becoming a mum has been my biggest evolution yet and has really shaped me into who I am today. And I love it because there was so much identity and limiting belief work that I had to go through. It really blew up my life and made me I guess, rethink, rethink,
and redo how I do life. And I feel like, if you're a mom, you completely know what I'm talking about. And that's actually why we are doing a little sale on Rebirth, which is our Motherhood on your Own Terms
mindset course. So this course is a four week module plus meditations and workbooks, and it just takes you through basically how to reprogram your mindset if you're struggling as a mum or a new mum, and create beliefs that serve you and your family, because becoming a mum can really give you a lot of It can kind of give you this box that you feel like you have to fit into, especially because it's something that you've never done. And then you become a mom so you're looking to
your mom. Did you know what your sister did? Arnie's you know, people on TV, and sometimes we can really take on these beliefs and normalize things that we don't actually have to. So really working and just having a look at your mindset and your beliefs as a mom is such a powerful tool. And that's why we created Rebirth. And you know, as you birthed your babies, you really are birthing yourself in this new season. And it is normally five five five, and we are discounting it to
two to two, so huge discount. This is only for the next couple of days, guys, So if you're listening in real time, make sure you go to the show notes and it should be directly discounted on our website. But let's get into this episode. So number one, Ivy is always a mirror for the stuff that I'm going through or the stuff that I'm feeling, and she will bring up triggers so I can work through them. And so if you guys don't know, triggers are basically things
that activate us. They show us parts of ourselves that we don't accept, that we haven't integrated, that we think are wrong that we haven't allowed. For example, a trigger that I worked out I kind of had on my mum was I was very loud. I was very out there and she was the opposite. She was very quiet,
you know, good girl, like sweetest woman ever. And so me being out there and loud and like authentically myself used to trigger her and she'd be like, tew to you too loud, like you're so full on and so like our kids are just mirroring to us, like parts of ourselves that we haven't accepted. So when you notice, you know, when I notice Ivy, like there's certain things that really trigger me. Instead of getting angry at her or like getting really you know worked up, I'm thinking,
why is this upsetting me so much? Like what could this lesson be? And it has been so good because for me, Ivy really triggers my patients. I have no I have no patience to you. I'm like, you don't have to tell to you dvice and so like when Ivy's going really slow, I'm like I can tell him getting like annoyed. And it's because I can't hold that
within myself, right, if that makes sense. Yeah, And so they're so beautiful kids, because they just are such a mirror to all our own stuff and they really help like healing, which a lot of the lessons go back to healing. But that's kind of like my first mistake because I used to you know, snap or get angry or be a bit worked up. But now that I can lean into Ivy as a mirror, what could this be? You know, telling me it's it's been a game changer.
Do you have an example of a mirror where she might be doing something you didn't allow yourself or give yourself permission to do, Like how you were with your mum. You were authentically yourself and she didn't let herself do that.
When she I notice myself get really uncomfortable when she has a huge tantrum and she shows a lot of emotion because I'm someone who's very emotionless, but like I don't feel she's like, you know, I'm composed. Yeah, And so when she's like in the depths of her emotions, I can feel myself get uncomfortable and get triggered interesting, and I'm like, wow, this is literally just because I don't allow myself to fully feel my feelings.
And do you feel like since you've realized that you've allowed yourself to feel your feelings more, so much more.
That's good, Like I cry so much more being a mom. Ah, it's really sweet. That is very sweet. So mistake number two is trying to control.
I feel it comes up a lot.
I feel like every single mother would be.
Like, yes, I hear you, I hear you.
I feel like you know a lot of us Galleys who are working moms or you know, we've got our side hustle. We can be control freaks. And Ivy is my greatest like surrender story I have. Just like it started from before she was born, when me and Tim were trying to conceive, and I remember being in this energy of like I just want a baby. Yeah, I just want a baby, and I was so was so controlling.
I would like, you know, take pregnancy every single month six days before and then four days before, and like I was so obsessed and I was like doing all the tests and we were seeing all the doctors, and you know, she was just gonna come when she was meant to come, and so she really taught me surrender. And then you know, having a newborn, Oh my god, it's just like the wild West because you just you
can't control anything. You don't know when they sleep, you don't know when they are poohing and wing and breastfeeding and all those sorts of things. So you really just have to be like surrender, full, receiving and allowing energy. I didn't enjoy the newborn phase because I wanted control right, I wanted things to go my way, and I didn't enjoy it. And that's definitely a regret that I have as a new mom, And that's advice i'd give new moms. It's like, let go control.
At what point do you feel you completely let gov?
Well, I honestly feel like not until like recently when she's a toddler, and I'm just like whatever, whatever, I feel like. Honestly, it's because I've been doing my own personal work and I realize how much control I need to have over everything, and so, you know, in my own personal development journey, it's been so beautiful to then have that you know, mirrord to Ivy from me, and now it's so incredible because even I notice how much I surrender with Like Tim said the other day, should
we take Ivy to a speech pathologist? Because you know she's not saying as many words as the other kids in KINDI and I'm like, she's fine, she's gonna talk.
Yeah, she's the chatter box.
Like let's leave it, let's not let it run its course. But instead of being anxious and like, oh all right, I'll go to the doctor and whatnot, because that's what we did when she was a newborn, I went to like a chiropractor and this doctor and that doctor and so yeah, yeah, I just like I'm like, oh my god, I wish I obviously wish I had this earlier on, but to like have this now and have this for like the next baby so beautiful. To learn surrender and not be control all the time.
I love it.
It's also just like so much like less work. Yeah, let's stress. Literally, what is your third mistake? Okay, so realizing if you are over protective with your child, it's usually because it's a moment where you're trying to protect your inner child.
Ah.
I learned this and I was like, whoa, So again this is like kind of the same concept of them being a mirror. But I noticed that again, like Tim was commenting a lot about Ivy's behavior and her being like really full on and she is she's high energy,
she's high spirited. But I noticed I was getting triggered and I was getting a bit annoyed at him, and I was like trying to and we'd have like, you know, some fights, and i'd be a bit frustrated, and I was trying to figure this out, and I realize it's because I felt like growing up, I didn't have that protection for.
Me, like little me.
So sometimes we can really get in our egos where we're like, no, she's allowed to do that, blah blah blah.
Yeah.
It's so interesting because I only had this moment because my best friend realized this too. She had a mum who was really strict and didn't let her do anything and was like a bit cold, and so with her daughter, she kind of lets her do everything and she's like so affectionate, but probably to the point where she absolutely has not you know, yeah, you know, the opposite spectrum for correction. Yeah, And she's like, it's because I get so protective over her because no one was protective for me.
Oh, I know, now that you said that, I feel like that's so common because I noticed my mom doing it about aspects of my person that would reminder of herself and also for my sister because like she was the second child and her older sister everyone like always commented on her achievement, so she like made sure my sister got extra yeah almost yeah yeah, and so you can see now yeah why so it's good.
Like we're we're absolutely allowed to do that. It's quite healing for our inner child. But it's just having awareness of it. Yeah, so you're not you know, favoriting one child or like you know, just having a bit more so like me being like, oh okay, I can probably fucking relax a bit.
Yeah.
So so interesting. Next one is I realized I wasn't a good communicator.
Guy of my mouth is open wild.
I know, she literally has a podcast or she has talk all day what And I realized this because anytime that Ivy was acting out or would throw a tantrum, I would kind of backtrack, and it was a lot
about me not properly communicating and talking to her. It's so funny though, because you have this newborn and they're like this little potato and you just gotta like take it places and do stuff for it, and it doesn't know, it doesn't like tell you what to do and then it turns into this toddler who's like, no, you can't just pick me up, like you gotta ask me.
Yeah.
So for example, I went through this whole stage where I'd have to like be like, so, Ivy, we're going to have dinner. We've got lasagna, it's delicious, and then we're gonna go upstairs. We're going to have a shower, we're gonna wash the dogs. Then we're gonna get into our pajamas, and then we're gonna do this and you know, like really communicating to her so she knows what's happening.
Because I think with kids, we so often she should do what I say, yeah, because I'm the adult and you're the child.
Yeah. And then this little child.
Is like I'm just getting constantly bossed around and I have no autonomy. And then even that's like if they constant like that, they'll grow up with no autonomy and they will normalize that. So it's like making sure you're communicating. And even you know, Ivy hit me the other day and so I you know, I said to her, I V like, we don't buy, we don't bite our friends and our family, and you know that hurts mummy and then.
So we had a conversation later after and I said, ivy, do we buy and she said no, that hurts mummy. Oh so it's because I, like I communicated, not just being like no, don't buy, it's like explaining to her and explaining it. I did not do that, like I actually had to. I know that probably sounds so simple, Yeah, but I didn't do that at the start when she was a toddler and I would just like pick her up and take her up, take her to the car, or like whatnot, and she would have a lot of reactions.
I feel like, what's wrong, We're just going in the car? Yeah, and those sorts of things, and even yeah, like I've just had so many moments where I just communicate with her and I get down on her level and everything's fine.
Wow, that's really powerful. What was your next mistake? Number five?
Not having enough fun? I realized am actually a bit of a serious sally. He doesn't like having that much fun. No, not really, we are so serious where I hear we are lots of fun.
We are lots of fun. But it can be I totally relate on like forgetting how serious you might take things.
Yeah, I take things yeah. Yeah, Like but E friend's like having about dumb moment and we're like, we're not saving lives here. No, it's fine, we don't need to cry about this. But also it's fine to cry.
Yeah.
Yeah, I realized that I toltally and this was because I could just be pulling this out of thin air. But I swear in my childhood, I didn't like play a lot with my parents, Like I played with my brothers because I had bloody three of them. Yeah you were the four Yeah childhood, you know, bestie, But I didn't really play with mom and dad. So it's like I had this concept that not that you don't play with the children, but I just that never happened to me.
So it's like this foreign thing where I had to like learn how to play. Yeah, I know that sounds odd, but it's like, and I've realized too with Ivy. To get her to do something, I literally just have to incorporate, incorporate play. So if I'm trying to get her out of the house, I'm like, Ivy, you know, we're going to see Summer and Sasha. We're gonna get in the car and then we can play in the playground. But we're gonna get to the car first. Do you want to hop there like a kangaroo or do you want
to skip? And you're giving her options so she feels like she's in control because often kids feel like they don't have any control and that's why they want to have control, and then giving her like a playful activity rather than just like get in the car.
Yeah, like walk to the car. Yeah.
So that has been like a really interesting thing. And I like, I'm like learning how to play and it's like really nice and I think it's like, again, it's really healing for your inner child if you didn't have a lot of play.
And at what point did you realize that?
When she was kind of old enough to start playing with toys, and I just kind of realized. I was like, oh, I don't really know what to do. I know that sounds so sim fair enough, and I was just like, oh, yeah, okay.
And I also love that you guys have dance parties. I think it's like every morning or something that you have a dance.
We love our dance parties. Ivy loves it. That's so fun. It's really good.
What was your next mistake?
Not giving Ivy enough connection? So I realized that if I am distracted with thoughts of business or just like you know, personal things, and I'm not giving Ivy eye contact, physical touch playing with her because you know, sometimes it is like, you know, if you've got something to do, you'll put the TV on and you just like want them to like watch TV so you can like unpack the dish washer. Yeah, but I notice if I don't give that connection and touch time to her first, she's
really not okay. Like she might be okay for a little bit, and then she'll you know, have a reaction, have a tantrum. And so I notice how, and I like, I absolutely do prioritize it. But you know, like you get distracted sometimes you have to check any email on your phone, or like they're watching their show, so you
go on TikTok or something like that. And I've really been so much more like conscious of that, and I'm just like, oh, this is this is she's feeling this, she feels when I'm not present and not connected to her. She's such a sensitive soul. So really prioritizing that has been such a huge thing that I feel like, I look, I don't think I'm perfect, but I'm definitely progressing.
What was one of the biggest shifts you made to help yourself be more present with Ivy?
Put my phone away. So I often put in the top drawer and just saw it's away, because if I just like left out on the bench of the couch, I just pick it up, Yeah, to check stuff like you just do, or like you hear the notification, I just pick it up. So putting that away and then just anytime I get home, the first thing I do is like I sit down, eye contact, talk to her, how like how is her day? What does she want to do? Now? Those sorts of things. I love that.
Yeah.
The next one is, oh, this is like a very like mum one, but not blaming Ivy for not being able to do things. So obviously you become you know, parents, and your whole world changes. It's like you can't do anything without adding this baby attacked to you, or like if you want to do something, you have to organize the other person, you have to organize the baby. Like, yeah, it's such a huge thing where it's like something so quick like going to the shop or like getting fuel
or something like that. It's not that simple. Yeah, And so I know this is probably like okay, clearly, but to actually experience it is really wild. And I used to blame Ivy a lot with, oh, well, I can't meditate anymore because she gets up so early, and then I can only fit in gym, so I can't fit in meditation because then I also want to spend time
with her, and you know all these things. And I also used to blame her a lot about like not having creativity because you never have a spare moment and like, you know all those things. But really I just had to rejig things. I had to accept things in this new season, and I had to kind of go about things in a different way. Like the other friday I had Ivy, Tim was away, and I was I wanted to go to gym, but obviously having her usually one of us is in the house and then you know,
i'd just pop out. But I had Ivy and so I took her to Krash for the first time, so cute. She loved it. It was fine, and I was like, oh, this is amazing. But and then I was like, okay, cool, anytime I have Ivy and I'm having the day off on the Friday, we'll go to krash and I instead of doing gym at you know, five thirty in the morning, We'll do it at nine thirty. And I'll just like
change my day around love. And so it's like just those sorts of things where it's like really start to think about, like maybe the stuff that you stopped because you're a mum, and how you can rejig that or bring that back in your life. Like it could even be talking to you know, your partner and just being like, hey, I really miss meditating or this. How can we bring this back? Like can you help me with this?
Yeah? I love that, like it. It's not an excuse, it's just you need a little bit more flexibility in maybe routines you were super rigid in. I love that. Yes, and your next one.
Okay, So realizing that my core beliefs are her core beliefs. This one hit hard when I realized, and it was such a and this is literally why my NH collection Be Your Own Best Friend was born, because I realized how much work I had to do on self love and how like unkind I was to myself. Yeah, and so I went on you know, this whole journey of like self love and self acceptance, which was amazing. But it was just such a reflection of like what you
believe about yourself, they will believe about themselves. And that's like, oh, it's darring.
It is.
It's really jarring to be like, whoa, if I'm being quite mean to myself, even if you think it's just internal, they will be replicating that behavior and when they're older, they will have those beliefs. So it's just about being so conscious about Hang on a second, what behavior am I mirroring to you know this child? What thoughts am I thinking? How do I let the you know, the intrusive thoughts If I let the intrusive thoughts win, what
do I say about myself? And just being so conscious about what they pick up, Like we'll even notice, you know, anytime me and Tim have a little inside jokes, like Ivy will just repeat it because she sees me and Tim joking obviously having connection, so she wants that.
Yeah.
So it's like even something small like that, I'm like, oh, that is so interesting, and then it kind of leads into my next one. And that's kind of realizing that you can change these core beliefs. So for example, if you heard that and you were like, oh, I've got some work to do, because I would hate for my child to have what I'm currently thinking on my head or what I believe about myself. It's realizing that you can change them. And it doesn't matter if you know
your child's like ten, sixteen, eighteen, twenty, whatever. It's never too late to start modeling better behavior, better thought patterns, better core beliefs, and also start communicating about limiting beliefs. So if your child is like, oh, mummy, you know, blah blah blah said money doesn't grow on trees, then having this you know communication. Obviously it's going to depend on age if it's about money, but yeah, you know, having a communication with them and having an open dialogue
with them. I even notice myself anytime I'm just like looking at Ivy and like staring. I'm like, Ivy, you can do anything. Oh, and she'll repeat it back to me and be like I can do anything.
That's so and it's.
So cute, and it's like, oh that's what I'm like, Oh my god, this was like put on this planet to do is to empower this beautiful young lady. Oh, I know, make some crt thinking about it.
And what is your last one?
So the last one is just realizing that I'm going to continuously make mistakes as a mum. And it's all about like progression, not perfection. So I'll probably have ten more next year. And I think when we don't strive for perfection, but we strive for this progression, working on ourselves being the best mom. Like, I have so many moments where I'm like, I was not my best self in that moment how I spoke to Tim or how he spoke to Ivy or how I showed up. But
I can be my next moment. Yeah, And so that's what that's what I focus on, and that's what I'm like. I can keep showing up as my best self even if it's that little bit better, and I can keep changing my core beliefs and I can keep empowering her. I can keep telling her you know who she can be, and all those sorts of things. And I don't have to get it right right now. Like I said, I did not get the newborn stage right.
I did not know.
Now I do know, But it's like about this beautiful progression.
I think moms have so much pressure to be perfect, to have it all sorted out to make lunches from scratch, to be doing their self development, to be you know, catching up with friends, and then you know, providing and organizing the household and so much pressure, and I think we can be so hard on ourselves, and so I think it's about realizing that like how you're currently doing is amazing, but also about working on that progression and being like, no, I am you know, I am amazing,
and I'm such a good mum, But what could I be doing? What's you know, what's the awareness piece, where's the mirror, Where's the trigger? Could I be communicating better? Could I be like learning about the different you know, age groups, the milestones, those sorts of things, but not overwhelming yourself, but still striving for progression not perfection.
I love that, And I think even just like celebrating your mistakes, because if you're not making mistakes with Tim or Ivy or people in your life and you're not getting triggered, it literally just means nothing's changing and you're not moving anywhere. And if you start making mistakes and you do get triggered, that means that at least you're going in a direction, and it's probably forward and then you can go further forward faster exactly. Yeah.
I love that, so beautiful.
I love these lessons guys.
I hope you loved this. And obviously this is going to be around Mother's Day, so happy mother to stay. I'm just setting so much love to you, guys. Bye bye. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of the Rise and Conquer podcast. If you enjoyed it and want more, come connect with us on Instagram at Riseinconquer dot podcast and join our Facebook discussion group, a Rise and Concer podcast community. We're an independent podcast and we have a small team, so we do appreciate your time
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