Turning Blind Spots into Bright Spots: Learning and Sharing for Personal Growth - 200

As a performance coach and special operations combat veteran , I help high-performing executives kick ass in their careers while connecting with deeply powerful insights that fuel their lives . Howdy , hopefully your day has been treating you well and , as always , thank you so much for joining us on this show Today .

I wanted to do a real quick , kind of down and dirty episode on learning from other people's blind spots . Now , often in my coaching sessions with clients , we draw on examples set by others .

Now , there are instances where the examples that we are analyzing reflect positively on the person , and where is it that we are inspired or motivated by somebody and the example that they are setting and ways in which we want to emulate that ?

But then there are also oftentimes where we're analyzing examples that are not so flattering for the person that we're analyzing or observing that we're analyzing , we're observing . Now , to be abundantly clear , this is not an attempt to criticize the other person .

This is not an attempt to say that I am holier than they are what it really is about , and the reason that I think learning from other people's blind spots can be such a useful tool for our own development , and this is definitely something that I am continually doing for myself .

I'm in the fortunate position to be able to work with really , really amazing people who still fall down and who still act in ways , oftentimes because of the pressures that they put on themselves , that they are not particularly proud of or that are not a reflection of what their higher self would potentially call for , and so , in my own development , I have the

opportunity to be able to learn from my client's blind spots , and so it's such a useful tool and it's something that I engage in every week , no-transcript . Now , why is learning from another person's blind spot so useful ?

Well , from what I've observed over the years and from what people have told me in their own experience , when we are attempting to find a blind spot , it is , de facto , so much easier to do it when you are looking at somebody else .

So much easier to do it when you are looking at somebody else , you know , if you think about it from a physical perspective , right , if we're actually going to translate this into the sort of physical world . You can't see the back of your own head without a mirror or a camera of some sort or something that can sort of reflect the image back to you .

And blind spots , yeah , I mean we talk about them in sort of more esoteric terms , but if we think about it from that physical perspective , it is a spot that is out of our field of view . And how much easier is it to observe the back of somebody else's head , again , if we're sticking with this very simple physical example ?

So it's so much easier for us to be able to recognize or to study , if you will although this kind of seems a little bit weird that why would you study the back of somebody's head ? But hey , let's just go with it for a second but it's so much easier to observe or analyze or evaluate somebody else's blind spot .

Now , the benefit of being able to see a pattern in someone else's behavior is not just so that you can walk up to them and then say , oh , you know , hey , I hope you don't mind , but I made this observation about your behavior and you might want to correct a few things .

Right , that's generally a great way to especially if it's unsolicited to strain your relationship with that person . No , the deeper benefit is being able to recognize , okay , what is the environment in which that person is operating , what are the conditions that are present in that environment and what patterns have been coming forward .

That's the first segment , if you will . Then the second segment is to what extent am I in the same environment , facing similar criteria or constraints or parameters ? And then where am I doing the same thing that I'm watching that person do ? And I encourage folks to look at it from all angles the things that would most likely inspire others .

And then also the areas and perhaps more poignantly , the areas where we are not showing up in a way that our higher self would advocate , way that our higher self would advocate . We're not showing up in a way that perhaps our sense of pride and I don't mean it in terms of being prideful , but more just , yeah , I'm proud of the way that I showed up there .

I feel like I I don't know I really listened to that person instead of allowing my emotional judgments to get the better of me , or I was patient when I could have been snappy and reactive because I hadn't slept well , or whatever the conditions are .

So it's , first and foremost , being able to identify that a pattern exists , that there are certain constraints on a person and that those constraints or those pressures , whether they are external or internally , created . And , like I said for most of my clients , yeah , they live high-pressure lives . Yeah , they live high-pressure lives .

They're very busy executives for the most part . Some of them are military special operations , combat veterans and they have their own set of stressors that come as part of their past experience . But for the most part , I'm working with executives whether that's in a startup or whether that's in a more established publicly traded company doesn't really matter .

Established publicly traded company doesn't really matter . The stressors are often present in the environment and then magnified or multiplied by the pressures that the person or the narratives that that client has inside of them .

And so , looking at that and recognizing , oh huh , I find myself in the exact same environment and I also consider myself to be a high achiever , high performer , and quite likely I am putting some of the same pressure narratives on myself , even though I can't currently put my finger on them .

You know , and this is where it's , you know , having a coach , self-serving , having a coach or a therapist or , I don't know , a really wise friend , whatever can be very helpful Because , again , they're on the outside , they are able to see , notionally , the back of your head , your blind spots . They're able to help you perceive patterns .

But if , for whatever reason , you don't have one of those in your life or you don't want one of those in your life , this is , in certain ways , kind of I guess , the next best thing . This is , in certain ways , kind of I guess the next best thing . How is it that we recognize that ?

Okay , I think I'm pretty much the same as this other person that I'm observing , because we're colleagues or we have the same social circles , or whatever the criteria are that make you feel like they are similar to you .

Maybe they also have some of the same psychological characteristics in terms of , you know , are they high strung or , let's see , because here's another potential blind spot .

Maybe you don't think that you're high strung , and so there's another aspect of this learning from other people's blind spots that can be useful , and that is to have people tell you their opinion about you , the observed subject , and so I don't know , let's just say Bob .

So let's say that you're observing Bob and you think that Bob has some similarities to you , or you have some similarities to Bob , but you're not quite sure and you don't think that you share all the similarities . So maybe you could ask a third person who knows Bob and yourself hey , you know , in this particular way , how much like Bob do you think I am ?

And then obviously repeat that for as many qualities as you're trying to evaluate . And so oftentimes you know , people external to ourselves can see us in sometimes more objective ways than we see ourself , because of the fact that we , interestingly enough , are typically either trying to make ourself the hero of the story or the villain .

It's very rare that I've noticed folks in their own accounting of interactions . It's rare that they make themselves sort of a neutral party in their story . They're either really really good at what they're doing or , oh God , I'm just so terrible . And there's different reasons for that that I won't get into today .

But ultimately , being able to ask somebody who knows you , and in this example , bob , to say , hey , you know , are we both ? Do you consider both of us to be , you know , kind of high strung or intense , or phrase it however you want , that will make you think that you will get an honest answer from that person .

And if they say yes or yeah , pretty close , then okay , then that can help your analysis and your assessment of oh okay , well , if these people think that actually , yeah , I am pretty similar to Bob , then you can continue to observe Bob and have greater assurance that , yeah , maybe I'm doing some of the same stuff , maybe just as different .

Examples from my coaching experience . Maybe I'm micromanaging , and really that's a symptom of overly controlling one's environment , but it doesn't necessarily have to show up as micromanagement per se . There are other ways . Overpreparation is another one .

Or maybe you're really afraid of conflict , and there are ways in which that unwillingness to defend boundaries or to at least have clarifying conversations because sometimes even a clarifying conversation can feel confronting and this is the interesting thing that I've noticed in working with teams is that people so frequently just kind of cruise along .

Even though they have a fair amount of confusion , they don't clarify it , and oftentimes it's because there's a perception of , oh , I don't want to look stupid , I don't want to look like I'm the only one who didn't understand , or there's a sense of not wanting the boss or the manager to feel like they didn't explain themselves clearly .

And that actually goes both ways , because sometimes bosses or managers don't want to even ask whether they were clear , and they just , you know people are nodding their heads and making the sounds , and so then the boss , manager , leader , whatever you want to call it is often then the boss , manager , leader , whatever you want to call it is often satisfying

themselves with okay , yeah , I guess everybody got it . And then oftentimes , especially in more complicated , complex projects , sometimes weeks go by before the boss actually learns that things are off track , and they're off track because people didn't really understand .

So , anyway , to get back to this idea of learning from blind spots , you know , if you recognize that you are very similar to the person that you're observing , then it behooves you to start to ask where am I doing that ?

In the vein of the example , if Bob is micromanaging , or Bob is avoiding confrontation or whatever behavior is showing up , and obviously , again , I encourage you to look at the positive side of the spectrum as well .

Where is he rallying the team , or where is he inspiring , or where is he ensuring that people you know people are feeling emotionally cared for , even though there's a lot of work to get done ? You know , there's all kinds of positive things out there , and so I would encourage folks to look at both ends of that spectrum Now .

Ultimately , I found that people have an easier time identifying where they're doing things well , typically because others have told them . You know , criticism tends to be further apart and with fewer examples , again , because of that fear around confrontation and some of the ancestral reasons why confrontation is not readily engaged in , even when it's meant well .

But when you think about Bob , okay , and you say , well , bob has this issue in this particular behavior and it shows up under these circumstances . And if you and Bob are similar , you can start to look at the times when you face similar circumstances . They may not be identical , right ? So we're going to have to kind of learn by analogy here .

Right , it's not going to be a carbon copy , but where is it that you can recognize that ? Yeah , okay , some of this stuff is very much similar . And how am I avoiding behaving like Bob if I am so much like Bob in many respects , and it's possible that you actually are avoiding the behavior that seems to be less effective for Bob ?

Or , and this is what I found to be more likely is that you haven't yet looked deep enough . And it's really in looking deeper and looking at our behavior , especially if you are in charge . If you are in charge , you have to recognize I guess you don't have to , but it would benefit you to recognize that Most and especially if you're a CEO .

All of my CEO clients have faced this phenomenon . They get extremely little pushback in their life . Oftentimes even their life partners don't push back on them that much because they tend to be very assertive personality types .

Now , interestingly enough , a couple of clients that I'm thinking of right now they have partners who very much push back and that's kind of an interesting dynamic .

But oftentimes when you have someone that is a very assertive , very , in some cases , aggressive personality and a lot of aggressive personalities have risen to the top of their respective organizations or started their own they often have people that are unwilling to go toe-to-toe with them .

So you know , if you have recognized that you are potentially similar to somebody and that you're seeing some , let's just say , negative attributes , I guess , or less productive attributes coming to the foreground for that other person and you can't think of any way that that's showing up for you , even though you face similar conditions , et cetera , et cetera , then

there's a really , really good chance that you haven't received honest feedback yet and that you haven't really truly looked for it . So hopefully this episode was helpful for you . It's nice and short and punchy and ultimately you know . Whether you choose to engage in or not is up to you , but I think it could help improve the way that you show up .

Whether that's at home or at work or both doesn't really matter . So if you've been enjoying this episode or the show in general , it would be amazing , absolutely amazing .

If you would like subscribe , share , follow , etc . Etc . But really I think most importantly sharing it , sharing it with someone that you think would benefit from it . Whether you think they're going to take action or not is less relevant at this juncture .

It's really about getting ourselves exposed to new concepts that we can then , over time , incorporate and put into action or don't . It's totally up to you . Until next time , take care of each other .