When Life Doesn't Go Right

This is the relaxed male, a show that comes to you each week helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live their life on their terms. Join the host certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps men step out of their heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them. Hey, man. Hello, and welcome to the Relaxed Mill. I'm your host, Brian. And, things sound a little bit different, and that's because I'm in the truck once more.

Have been, having to do some, some changes and some different, things on the weekends. And so we've been a little bit, little bit scrambled on plans and intentions and everything else. So it kinda brought about the whole idea of what the show is this episode in particular is about, and that is when life just doesn't go according to plan because it'd be nice if life went according to plan because, you know, if, if it did, then my, my business would be a

wild raving success. Is this a success? Well, it depends on what you're defining success as. Have I been able to meet new people? Have I had some clients? Yes. On both of those. So in that case, yeah, it's a it's a success. Am I able to get out of the truck? In that case, no. It I haven't. And so that's if I measure for that, then, no, it's not been a success. And that's kind of where I'm at right now is this is I guess this episode, if I if you really wanna call it a,

a kind of a complain fest or a a a bitch fest or something like that. It's not I wanted this one here, I kinda wanna just use my experience in the past, say, two thousand two, three, three years, is what that has actually shown and how that how I've taken the past three years. What do I make in these mean? Why? How can you use my experiences in with your life? Because so far, relax mail is still a a powerful

premise that I am going to push through. I have got several ideas, several plans, several goals that I'm going to accomplish this year. Now one of them being that I make, money at, in relax mail. I'm actually going to table that goal because it's not gonna happen. There's some changes that are fixing to happen, professional wise, income wise, revenue generation wise, if you if you want, that's going to be a bit of a hindrance for relaxed mail. Is

this meaning that relaxed mail is going away? Not by any stretch of the imagination. The the podcast this podcast and the blog are still gonna be going out. I'm still working on a social media calendar, so I know what I'm gonna be posting up because I'm going to increase my social media, game. And I wanna get I want this business to succeed, something fierce. I I have a I have a a a point of of struggle, a bit of contention because I have realized where I struggle at.

And that is because what I've heard when it comes to to selling and coaching is meet people, tell them you're a coach, and let them know you can help them. Sounds easy enough until it's applied because I don't always find I've it almost seems like I rarely find people who want to improve their relationship. Well, at first, it was just helping men become better men is what this the the

the coaching business was gonna be about. Help well, it started out being helping men have better relationships with their son and quickly found out that men are not willing to say they have a bad relationship with their son or have an okay relationship with their son or they are okay with having an okay relationship with their son. And it there was several blocks and and and obstacles with that particular,

I guess, you call niche. And so it was alright. Let's morph this into just helping men have better relationships in general, which, I knew going into there, it was going to be a very broad niche. And, yeah, it's a a lot of people would agree that, okay. Yeah. We wanna have better relationships. Everybody wants to have better better relationships. But the issue that you're gonna run into is when it comes to us guys, we do struggle with seeing

what the actual problem is. Is the relationship problems that we're having because of us, or is it because of our wife? And often, we wanna point at the other person. So it's is it a is it a problem? Are we running into a problem of our relationships not being right because we don't know what the actual problem is about? Or is it that we know what the problem is about or we believe what the problem is about, and we would rather look at that angle than actually what the actual fixable problem is.

And so a lot of these, I've the the business has morphed and is to the point where I I help men have better relationships with their wives. So I'm because as one coach that I talked to several years back pointed out, I was like, dude, you've been married for twenty five years, twenty five, twenty six years. So

why don't you coach on that success? And at that time and still there's a I think that might be why I hold back on on how I market myself in in that because, yeah, we've been married for a while, but it's not a marriage I come out saying, oh, this is one of the best marriages ever known known to man. I don't have the stand up star spangled banner. All is wonderful feeling about my relationship. And for a long while, that was kind of what was I think that was actually what was holding me back.

And that is what I have slowly come to realize as to what I need to actually be be focusing in on. Not so much that I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to my to coaching because that I am confident. Anything I put out, I put out with the confidence that I stated what I believe.

So when it comes to what, you know, setting the expectations or facing expectations or the 100 principle or the fifty fifty, lifestyle, all these different thoughts that I have laid out in podcast form or in in blog form are all parts of the building blocks that are needed to have a better relationship with your wife. But how do I how do we go from place a to place b, go from an okay relationship or a relationship that is just mired neck deep in

in roommate syndrome. How do we get up to having a relationship that your friends and family would be envious of. And that is that's the point where I think I have a bit of imposter syndrome creeping up because it's like, well, dude, how are you supposed to know? You don't even have a relationship that would be envious by by others. And so there's a a bit of thinking that I

need to clean up. But this is where things have really started to kinda show up in in my life so that I'm thinking, oh, nothing's going right. Things have been piling upon, piling upon, piling upon. And life wise, where there's almost points of where I just want to just throw my hands up and just just, you know, check out of the, of this business. It's like, no. It's nothing's working. Nothing's doing anything in any form of a benefit

to what my dream is. Because my dream is that I wanna have a bit of land down in in Hill Country, Texas, which I know is asinine stupid expensive. Would I be able to do that right now? No. Because I I'm struggling just to make, you know, make payments on the house and to get or not even just the house, but make bill payments with, with trucking job. And so there's so much that is not happening. I've got a car that's dying.

And so, again, here here we go. We're piling off the boohoos, the poor mes. I need to be the victim. I and it's not that I need rescuing. And that's the that's the point that I, that I'm really kind of struggling with is that, no. I I know I don't need need rescuing. But what is it that I was expecting to get out of life? Well, I was expecting that with that I was gonna have to learn

how to run a business. To be able to get the coaching business to go, I had to learn I'm I know I have to learn how to run a coaching business. And the key point about the coaching business that I'm running into is I'm not getting enough inquiries. What is not working with the home page, with the sales page? What's not working with any of the places? What's not working with my sales pitch?

Because I don't even get people I get people from time to time clicking on the links to go to, like, trycoaching, which you can go to relaxmail.com/trycoaching, and you get a free month of coaching. That almost sounds like a lot of of commitment, but it really isn't because it's an hour that you get to choose, and I'm even doing it for the weekend. So if you wanna have some do weekend coaching, say, 08:00 in the morning on Saturdays,

guess what? I can be there where you can be do a Zoom call 08:00 in the morning on Saturdays central time. Boom. We can we can do a, we can have some, some coaching calls. We can find out what it is you're wanting to do and talk through it and have a have a discussion as to what would a good relationship in your mind be and help make plans on how to

start making steps. Would you be able to have the perfect marriage by the by the end of the month? No. No. But you would start understanding how you could change your thoughts because that's honestly the secret to the sauce, I'll let you in on it, is you can't change your wife. You can only you only have the ability to influence two things in this world, your thoughts, your actions. To be able to change your actions, you have to change your thoughts.

So if you wanna have a better relationship, you have to change your thoughts about that relationship, about whatever part whatever the circumstances about that relationship, whether your wife's not have giving you enough sex or what. You have to change how you will show up. Now that is not just a change in thoughts, but it's also a change in how you show up. So we incorporate the four pillars of relaxed metal, the man's body, mind, soul, and community.

You have to start working on yourself. You have to improve yourself before you can actually even improve your your the life that you wanna have with your wife. So with all that with all that said, that's something we can start to work on for a for the first for that one month. And from there, you can choose to go forward or or, you know, try something different. It's all completely up to you. So what is going wrong with

my plans? Well, if I look at it and I pay attention to the thoughts, I think my well, a lot of it is my thoughts for until about a week ago, two weeks ago, I had stopped doing thought downloads. I had I had stopped doing models, and I think that's where I really need to start doing some more work. And that's one thing I'm gonna be doing more often is working on my thought downloads, working on the models, coming to understand where I am drawing myself short.

Because that that's where where I'm I'm failing is my my results are I'm not getting clients. So the thought that I'm having is based upon that. Now if I do a do a a a model, you know, the result is no clients. What actions have I taken? Well, if we really look at that that or what actions am I taking that's leading to no clients? Well, more likely, that action is that I'm not taking action. I'm doing blogs and podcasts

and a little bit of social media thinking that that's gonna be enough to be able to attract people. And if I'm being truly brutally honest, I'm not sharing myself enough. Because do you really trust who this Brian Goodwin dude is? Yeah. I've been talking to people for four years now. Almost going almost five since '29 at the beginning of twenty nineteen. So, actually, yeah. Yeah. Five years now. And do, do I really put

myself out there? No. And why do I not put myself out there? Well, that's because I don't find myself to be all that important in the grand scheme of things. Do I find myself important enough that I need to need to, you know, necessarily brag about it? No. No. And it's not that I'm bragging or not bragging. It's lacking that human element. It's all theory and practical, but there's no I don't believe I'm really putting enough y into the end of the, into the episodes. And

some of that is probably because of the other thoughts that I have. I mean, there's a couple of coaches that I listen to and one that I listen to because when I do listen to him, he has some great advice. The problem is is that when I see his stuff come on, I roll my eyes and go, god, I can't listen to him again. Because it seems like when he talks, it's all about him.

Well, I did this, and I did this, and I struggle with this, and I do this, and I this, and I've gotta do this, and it's all about me, me, me, me, me, or at least that's what I hear. And so I immediately get turned off every time I hear them. But, again, like I said, when I do listen, I often glean a piece of information. And he's about my age. Actually, he is my age. Him and his wife got married about the same time me and my wife got married.

They have three kids and an older daughter, a medium son, and a younger daughter. Now his are just a little bit younger than mine, but at the same time and he's been doing his stuff for, well, I think, a little over I mean, doing actual coaching for a little over ten years now, and he had a different business beforehand. And I think a lot of that problem I have there is just comparison.

And I think a lot of the resentment that I I think a lot of it that I have and the reason that I find his means of talking about himself so much, so resentful is because, well, he's more successful than I am. He he has a has more of the stuff that he actually wants, and I'm sitting here spinning my wheels. Now do I need to stop trying so damn hard and just let life happen? I don't know. But that's like I said, when life doesn't go right, we we often find ourselves spinning

in this type of direction. We find ourselves with different types of emotional indulgences. So I find myself being confused, irritated even. I find irritation or even worry to be kinda useful, and I come up with excuses as to why I wanna do wanna be, you know, jealous of him. And that's the basis of what it is. I'm so damn jealous of him. I want not his life, but I want to be able to have my life like he's able to have his.

And so I know it's possible. I know I can have it. I know I can get there. And I have to go through something that uncomfortable, and I do not this this is where I'm I'm struggling because I don't know where I'm missing the turn. I'm just kinda sitting in here in limbo going, well, you know, I know what I need to do. I need to be talking to people. Well, how do I sounds weird, but how do I talk to people?

You know? It's like, what do I do? What how do I, you know, how do I let people know? And I'm trying all sorts of things to, to let people know that there's this new way to relate. There's if you're in Amarillo or or East Texas, I'm sure you've seen well, I'm not sure, but there's a good chance or a possibility that you have seen a little orange square sticker on a gas pump or on a cut front of a couple stores because I've stuck them on this in front of the stores as I've gone in.

And, they're funny enough, they're still there. And I don't I don't think it's because, the the employees there, I don't think they've noticed that there's a a a rogue sticker set in amongst their their other stickers that sit on on the front door. But I do know that people have seen it because if when I look in in my Google Analytics, there's a UTM parameter that's attached to it. And so I see QR code, sticker show up on the on there. And so people are seeing the stickers.

They're scanning it with their phone, and they're going to the links page and seeing all the different options that are available in for, for relaxed mail. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I've got too many options. But at the same time, I also know that my work on the blog is improving. The work on the podcast is improving. I just had somebody this is, we're on today is the nineteenth that I'm recording it, which tomorrow on the twentieth,

the this episode comes out. But I saw on the, I believe, the sixteenth, somebody went through and download my whole back catalog. God bless you, man. I'm, thank you. I'm I'm grateful for the fact that you went through and downloaded all 266 episodes. But at the same time, I'm going, wow. That is a whole lot of Brian. And I wonder what it is that he heard that caused him to go, I need more of this in my life.

I would love to hear from you. If you're the one that just on the sixteenth went through and downloaded all 266 episodes of the relaxed mail, shoot me an email, [email protected]. Let me know what it is. I would love to hear and understand what it is about that. What episode did you hear that went, oh, dude. Yes. I need more of this. Let's consume all the rest.

Good chance there's probably a a a another trucker, but it could be somebody who drives a lot or just somebody who wants to truly improve their relationship with their wife. What is it? How do so with life coming at us the way we do, there are a few things that I have understood with the, with this relaxed male experiment that I'm I'm doing. And this is where I would like to go ahead and try to at least throw a little help your way, a little bit of advice, a little bit of insight about what

you can do when life doesn't go right. And that is, first off, understand that expectations are not set in stone. I can expect that I start up a coaching business, and within three years, I am making a million dollars a year. That's not gonna happen. One, because to be able to make that type of money, you have to have the mindset of a millionaire. I know I do not have a mindset of a millionaire because I do not make a million dollars.

Right now, I don't even have the mindset of a business of a of a life coach that is able to make money. I don't even have really have the mindset of a of a coach who can do coaching for free because I've offered free coaching. I'm offering free coaching, and I still can't get people to buy. And that's what really just kinda befuddles me. It's like, well, if he doesn't cherish or or respect his work that much, you know, is he really that good?

I don't know. I think trying to turn around and sell it for sell it for, you know, $6,000, which is what I'd really like to have the package sell for for a year's worth of coaching, is plausible because I know many people who sell their coaching packages for even more. But I've tried that too, and I still don't get any bites. I don't get any bites from zero. I don't get any bites from 100. So, you know, where else in the middle do I need to go? And so we have these expectations.

And when those expectations don't get met, this is where we often find ourselves in a land of suffering. Why is it that it's not working? And so we have to continue to struggle. It's not that the struggling that I'm doing is bad. I've just come to realize that something's not working, and I may I need to step back and do basically a five by five.

So if your expectations are not being met, you've tried some stuff and that that isn't being met, you've tried some other stuff and it's still not being met, And you've tried even more stuff and you're still not finding a means of grabbing a hold of whatever your goal is, then maybe we you need to do a a step back and take five minutes, five feet away

and see if you can see another solution. And that's kinda what I'm going to be doing here in the near future. This is one reason why I'm going to be stopping the coaching offer and just provide the information for free because maybe it is that I've out of the 800, blog posts that I've put up, I still haven't provided enough value, or maybe I'm just not providing any value. I don't know. I I'm,

again, all this stuff, I'm still kinda just pissing in the wind, really. But one of the things that you wanna know is when you're faced with the the circumstance of life not going the way you expected, you have a choice. You could either accept the events as they are, and I could say, for me, I could accept the the likes mail is not making any money, and I could just say, well, it just doesn't work for me. I give up. Just shut the door, shutter everything, walk away. And would I be happier?

No. I wouldn't. Now would I be a lot more stress free? Yeah. Yeah. I'd be a lot more stress free, but I wouldn't be happier. What I'm missing again, I don't know what it is, but I'm going to have to find a way to make some extra money and have enough of runway that I can actually just put all my focus, all my energy, all my passion

into getting the business started. So, basically, what I'm actually gonna be doing is closing or turning off the the the sales pages, and it's going to just be a blog and podcast. And I'm going to blog, and I'm gonna podcast for the love of the blog and the podcast. And approach this again down the road when somebody decides, hey. I would like to be coached. If I can get three people to sign up and go, hey. I wanna be coached.

Then I might may decide to go ahead and go back. But if I get enough runway built up to where I can run for two years just nose to the grindstone, not giving a not coming up for breath for two years straight and see if I can get these plates burnt spinning far hard enough, then I would return and do that. I would also be getting some extra coaching from a from a person who knows how to sell coaching, see how it is that they do it so that I can start, you know, bringing some cash in.

Because right now, I haven't even been able to show myself much in the means of, hey. This is how you bring money in. I've had a few clients. Yes. But there have been so very spaced out that it's a that gets kinda rough. And, I mean, I can't rely on to pay the house bill on on my on my incredible clients that I do have.

And so, yeah, I mean, I know that it's gonna be kind of kind of a, of a rough deal anyhow when when I do shut all that down because, it's one thing that I'll have to do is I'll have to stop meeting with my clients on a as regular basis. But you can either accept the consequences or you can accept the events as what they are, or you continue to keep pushing. And that's kinda that's what I'm doing. I'm I'm still even if I do shut down the sales pages, I am still

pushing. I still have the goal in mind. And in that time, you know, I've got a I've got a book idea that I'm, that's brewing. I'm fixing to be actually starting to lined out. I'm well, I'm already lining out chapters and what those chapters are gonna entail and and work work that stuff down to a point where I can get it written. And I've got a friend who I think would be able to do the editing because she that's what she likes to do is she's an editor.

So I'm maybe here within a couple years, there'll be a book that comes out. I still am going to work on some, some some courses so that there are some easy things for you men to work on, but you have these choices. You have a choice when you do when something doesn't go according to plan. When life doesn't go right, you have the choice to continue pressing on if that's what you wanna do. And my and then my personal belief, that choice of to stop is where you actually

do a true fail. Now is it still considered a true fail? To you, it may not be. To you, it may go, yeah. Well, you know, I've been doing this for a good long while. I also haven't made any money. But I have found that if I tweak it this direction, I start making more money, and that may be what it has to be. Maybe I'm not making the right tweaking to the idea.

And so, yeah, life hasn't gone right. Like, this business that I want is not going, and I've seen so many of my other fellow coaches that I went to did, coaching certification with also struggle. And so I know I'm not alone, and I know that this isn't easy because, I mean, it's like with any business. 80% of the people who try to run a business, they're going to fail. But I learned you learn something from those attempts. So am I gonna learn something from here? I hope so.

I want to see men have incredible relationships with their wives, to see them be able to flourish and have a purpose so their wives can look at them and catch the light that comes off those men. Because when you have a purpose, when you have that drive, you shine from within, and you shine in a way that attracts other people to you. And that might be the case. I don't know. That might be something else that I'm struggling with. Maybe I'm not fully in line with what my purpose is,

and maybe that's why I'm not attracted to contention. There's so many I don't knows that, again, this this is I'm trying to avoid indulgent confusion, but at the same time, I find myself in indulgent confusion because it feels productive. So when life doesn't go right as a whole, that means don't give up. Keep pushing because you're going to get where you need to be. It may not be where you thought you were supposed to be, but you're gonna get to where you need to be.

And there's gonna be only through tears, frustration, late nights of aggravation, uncertainty, feeling lost, feeling hurt, feeling like you just give up and just never mind. And if you're willing to continue pushing through this, eventually, I believe it within the depths of my soul that the solution will present itself, and things will all of a sudden kick off. And goddamn it. I've been there. I have been there for the past year and a half, actually, of just why is this not working?

Why is that not working? Let's try this. This isn't working. Let's try doing it this way. No one freaking shows up, so let's try it this way. No one still freaking shows up. And when I say no one, I'm not being facetious in saying, oh, only 10 people show up. I mean, there's a big fat goose egg, which okay. That means that my sales isn't right. So I need to tweak my sales. And maybe that's what the problem is. Again, these are all thoughts that I keep having.

And what the solution is is going to be a oh my, v eight, smack the forehead moment when it finally becomes evident, but I'm not gonna give up. I'm not giving up on you guys. And if you have any questions, do you have any comments or anything like that, please reach out, Brianwithay@relaxedmailasinadude,.com. And I haven't closed the try coaching part yet. If you still wanna try coaching, let me know. We'll do some coaching. I would love to talk to you about it.

I'd love to see the the light come on in your eyes when you see the possibility of, oh, all the power that I need to have the relationship that I want is in my hand the whole time. I have to work on myself

first before I can ever work on the relationship. And when I work on the relationship and I have the model in mind and I'm applying the the thought creates the emotion that creates the action that creates the result, plus having a group of men that are helping you have a more masculine noble masculine relationship with them, and that fills your masculinity tank, you become a better husband for your wife. When you become a better, more protective, more productive

husband for your wife, you're going to she's going to be opened up to more forms of intimacy with you. And those more forms of intimacy as they get fulfilled, the meter fills up enough to where she finally decides, you know what? I'd like to have sex with you again instead of just because it's your birthday. So if you would like to see what coaching is like, I do recommend go to relaxmail.com/trycoaching.

See what it's about. Try it out. It's a week. It's it's a month. Once a week, we sit down. We have a discussion. I don't take up too much time. I don't I don't bitch moan and groan at you. I don't make you feel dumb, stupid, or anything like that. As a matter of fact, you have all the answers. I just help needle those answers out of you. So, man, with that, I wanna say thanks so much for listening to my little cry session here. And if you found anything in this, this episode worthy of of value,

best thing you could do for me right now is just share this out. Share it out on the Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Mastodon, all the different places that you go to on social media land, and share it with the with the men there. If there's somebody in particular you could think of, share it as a text message, and let them know, hey, man. This had me thinking of you. I hope you get, I hope you get what you want, and and share it with them.

And let the guys in your in your community know that there's a show called the Relaxed Mel that wants men to be better men for their families because that's all I really want. If I don't make a don't make a buck from, Relax Mail, but I help somebody, okay. I would like to make money. I mean, I'm I'm I'm a capitalist through and through. I'd love to be able to make money. But if I don't, the the fact that I am able to help somebody is just at least at least I've got that. You know?

So, guys, thanks again for listening. Y'all take care. We will see y'all next week. Until then, bye.