In our continuing exploration of the different types of intimacy that we have come across through Choose Therapies post of 10 types of intimacy, we're talking about creative intimacy. And what is that? And is it even actually a real intimacy? I'm talking about this week on episode 247 of the relaxed male. This is the relaxed male, a show that comes to you each week helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live their life on their terms.
Join the host certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps men step out of their heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them. Hey, man. Hello, and welcome to the Rocks Mill. I am your host, Brian, and I wanna say thanks so much for taking the time out of your day and coming in. Listen. And, actually, if you're watching right now, we are actually live. We do this live over on, on TikTok as of the moment, just playing around with it, seeing what it's like.
But, also, if you happen to have a current, podcasting 2.0 compliant, podcast, a modern podcasting app, You can actually be listening to this driving down the road. We are actually live streaming to the, to different podcast apps like Podcast Guru or Podverse, Fountain. They are examples of some of these new current and modern podcasting apps. If you wanna find 1, you can all always go over to, new podcast app dot com,
and there you would end up seeing a big old list. You can actually go through and choose apps the apps according to whatever operating system you use. If you're an Android, you got Android, apps out there. I think Podcast Guru is one that works on both platforms, both Apple and and Android. So either way, that's a great one. I that's so far, that is my it's not quite my daily driver, but it is a very, very, very close second.
There's just a couple little things that probably need to be changed up, and I would I'll definitely jump over to it and use it all the time. But because I'm somebody who I know Adam Curry would absolutely hate it, but I I do like to listen to about 1 and a half speed to a lot of my a lot of my apps because a lot of my shows because a lot of I I listen to a lot of shows. So, anyhow,
so we got that. And so if you're wanting to be able to listen to the show while driving down the road or doing dishes or doing something else, dude, you can. It's amazing. It's awesome. I enjoy it. I wish to listen to a couple of shows live as they, as they stream. So but anyhow, so this week, we're talking about creative intimacy. What in the world is creative intimacy? Is it even an actual intimacy?
And, I mean, I'm we're going off of all just my thoughts on the on what it is. Is it actually our, a, a type of intimacy or not? I don't know. That's it's you throw I throw out what I've what I've learned about it, kinda give you my insights about it and you choose. Yeah. You could say, hey. That's the real one or it's not. And it's, it's up to me and it's up to you, and it's up to everybody else because, you know, that we have our own
way of looking at stuff. So, anyhow, what started this is that I came across a article from a site called Choose Therapy, and they were talking about the 10 different types of intimacy, which really just kinda blew my mind. Because I we know about physical. Most of us know that there's an emotional intimacy also, but then there's also intellectual, spiritual, experiential, social, creative, conflict, aesthetic, and work intimacy.
And all these just kinda some of them sound like, okay. Yeah. That makes sense. Physical intimacy. That's, you know, the the old, horizontal mambo and also just the physical touch and just being able to love on somebody and and give them a hug and kiss and things like that. Those are all kind of forms of physical intimacy. There's emotional intimacy where we're with each other. We can we can be intimate enough that we can share our emotions
with other people. You don't wanna share, you know, all your all your emotions with your boss because, well, one, it gets weird. 2, they they may not, may not appreciate the fact that you're you have those types of emotions at work. So there's times and places for everything. Time for for emotional intimacy and and stuff. There's the intellectual. Are you and your spouse or you and the other person that you're having a relationship with?
Do you are you able to share your intellectual, knowledge with them and they they share with you and y'all have a good intellectual relationship that way. If so, you've got a strong intellectual intimacy. Spiritual, that is also a you know, are you able to do you and your spouse share the same type of spiritual knowledge, share the same type of spiritual experiences? Do y'all both go to the same church, or do you go to church and your spouse not go to church?
This is those are different types of spiritual intimacy. Do you stay at home while your wife goes to church? And do you is she able to share her spiritual experiences with you and and so back and forth? Then we have experiential, which is what going out and having different experiences, lively experiences, living life together on purpose, type of stuff. You have social. Are you and her are y'all you and your spouse able to have a social connection out, out in the
public? Are you able to have those interactions with each other? And that's where a lot of the social intimacy comes at. And now we're down to down to creative intimacy. And this one is, is a little getting a little tougher to kinda break down because right off the bat, you hear what the definition is and you're like, okay. It it because it's a little light. It's how creative are you with your spouse or with whoever you're having a relationship with?
Because that is where y'all are able to come together and create something and be able to do that as as, as essentially as a single unit. Whether, you know, you're doing karaoke together, creating music, or you're doing a woodworking project or writing a book together, you know, these types of things. This is, this is kind of a tough one. I'm gonna break down I'm gonna get to the real details of what my true thoughts about this type of intimacy are, closer to the end.
But what is this, from what I've been able to look at and see and understand, what this intimacy is about is it actually allows for closeness to actually happen, to be able to have that connection actually happen because you and again, since I talk about, relationships between men and women, you and your wife, are you able to work together for a common, common goal is way I, I interpret what they're all saying. This is where y'all have the same type of, a vision,
and y'all both work together to achieve that one particular objective. Now it's not precisely all in, like, a lockstep or anything like that. It's where you're having a a you may think that you're going to go, you know, 2 miles straight down this road and make a left. And your wife's idea is, well, let's turn left, go down a mile, and then go 10 miles down the road. You're both gonna get to the same spot, just
not precisely exactly how you thought you were gonna go. So there's a lot of give and take and and thoughts being shared and things like that. And there's a lot of sharing, a lot of openness that comes about through creative intimacy or way they they view creative intimacy.
You also it also requires you to tap into your imagination. Well, how are you going to get past whatever the obstacle is, And the if you happen to have one that you're snagging on as you're trying to achieve whatever the result is that you're trying to go. And so, there can be some new ways of thinking because you know that your spouse is probably not gonna go for this particular route. Say,
again, we're we're driving down the road. Let's just we're we're going to see a see a particular building in the next town, and how we get there can vary. Right? So and it's I know it doesn't quite line up with, with creativity. So, I mean, we could act oh, well, no. Let's let's actually go with that. We're carve we're we're doing a, a a a clay bust of a person. Alright? Now this person could be
whoever you want. Now that's not one of the things that y'all you and your wife would wanna actually talk about is as y'all are trying to sit down and figure out what what, this person's gonna look like, you have to actually start making up your decision. Is it gonna be a dude? Is it gonna be a dudette? Is it gonna be, you know, is it gonna be a, a just a a bust or is it gonna be just the head or is it gonna be a torso? How what type of of of statue of of of
of a, stat of of statue that you're gonna have. And as you go through when you're building this statue, y'all are coming across. You you know, maybe she's y'all decided y'all were gonna do a woman, but your wife's like, well, I really am not comfortable about, you know, designing the the the the breasts on on on the bus. So, you know, are you how far down you do you go? Do you go just kinda right below, right above where, where the breasts start, or do you you know?
We've got weird thoughts and and this is kinda part of it because it's one of the issues that you're gonna run into is you've got you're gonna have to go through a mess. And of that mess when I say mess, it's not so much the the ghosts, you know, clay being smeared everywhere, top of top of mess. It's more of the thoughts that you're having behind the behind how you're going to achieve the the results.
Are you going to you know, like I was saying, as you are how far down on the, the butt how much of a bust are you going to actually do? Is it just at the top of the shoulders? Are you gonna get the shoulders? It who is it? You know? Are you doing a, a a a a clay bust of of Mae West? Are you doing a clay bust of, of of
hell. I don't know. I'm trying to think of another actor of Tom Cruise. I don't know why his name just jumped to my head, but we'll we'll go with that. Mae West or Tom Cruise. 2 different vastly different people. So but, yeah, so you're doing y'all have to decide, you know, is it dude? Is it dude that okay? Is it okay if it's a dude? Are we doing, you know, are are we doing Charlie Chaplin? Are we doing Tom Cruise? Are we doing Dustin Hoffman? Are we doing,
you know, are we doing somebody else? Are we doing the grandpa? Are we, the you know, who is it that we're gonna actually make this this this clay sculpture
up? And so there's a lot of thoughts and maybe it is gonna be your uncle and yours and why is it why does it have to be that particular uncle? And y'all are gonna have your thought processes, and those thoughts are gonna clash and not quite gonna agree. Are you gonna do a caricature of your uncle? Are you gonna do, you know, a a lifelike representation of your uncle? All these little thoughts and all these little little decisions that are being made show up
in our emotional reactions to the thoughts that we have about whatever whatever it is. So maybe your wife wants to make a caricature of your of your uncle because she thinks his nose is really funny. She's always thought his nose is really funny, and that kinda upsets you. It's like, oh, it's his nose. Who cares? That's I could have easily had that nose. You make you're gonna make fun of my nose when I get a little older? These are
we have these types of of thoughts and the problems and the emotions that arise because of our thoughts can be a big hindrance when it comes to whatever creative process we're wanting to do. So you have to be okay with the fact that you're going to be doing stuff and even when you're trying to build. Y'all made the decision. You're gonna build you're gonna do a sculpture of your uncle. You're gonna do a bus that starts just below the shoulders,
and you're and you're gonna do it. Life likes, sculpture. But as you're doing it, all of a sudden, you're realizing, wait a minute. Wait a minute. The the ears aren't right. The hair is not parting correctly. This his beard is, is nowhere near that long and all these other things. And so you have to go through, and you're gonna mess up as you're doing the process. You might even get around to where you got the heads kinda put together, and then you realize
this is not his head shape, and so you have to redo it. And you have to go through and rinse and repeat, and you're gonna mess up many, many times. Are you okay with the fact that you're failing at whatever the project is at that time and moment? Most of the time, you know, it comes to our what our what our our mess ups are and our failures are. Depending on what it is, it may mean the world to us or it may mean nothing. You have no problem
missing the keyhole with your key. Why? Because you've missed the keyhole with the key many times. You've got scratches on your door door handle, to show that you have missed and you've scratched the paint on the on around the, the keyhole. It happens. But you're you have done that enough that you know that you're eventually going to get the key into the hole, and you're gonna be able to open your door. If you are putting your
your whole self worth into the fact, can you get the key in the first time? You're really going to struggle with that. You're gonna put it miss, and you're gonna think, oh my god. I'm a horrible key insert or type of person. And so what do we you know, why am I even doing this? This is terrible. This is a whole waste of time. I'm not and you're gonna have a meltdown just because you could get the key in the hole. Well, same way with whatever other project you and your wife are doing.
Are you gonna screw up on something? Yeah. Does it mean you're terrible at that per at that particular thing? Possible. But what are you making that mess up mean? Are you making it mean that you can never get the, you'll never be a good sculptor of clay for the rest of your life because you can't quite get the head shape right? No. Sometimes you're just gonna have to try again
and still not get it right and try it again. And, oh, you got it to his cheeks too fat, So try shave some. Oh, we got too took too much off. So you're gonna have to apply some more a little more a little more clay until you get the shape to the what you like. And but then you also have the fact that in the process, you've got 2 brains going on at once. You have not just yours, but you have your wife's thoughts about the process going on together.
So she may actually see your uncle in a completely different manner. And so she may see that he's he's got not just thin cheeks, but he there's actually slightly sunk in. And that little detail, you may have a problem with the way she wants to describe to to represent your uncle. Again, it's the thought. We're gonna have a mess. Humans, we're amazing creatures, but we when it comes to our emotions, we are crazy messy. And so what
you have to look and you have to stop and you have to examine. What does your thoughts mean. What thought are you having about your uncle? What are thought are you having about your wife's thought about your uncle? And decide. Okay. Is this really something to worth getting into an argument over? Why is why is that so important to you? Why is this particular little aspect that you're fighting over or arguing or just debating mean so much?
So you have to be okay with the process. You're going to mess up. You're gonna get it right eventually. Your wife is gonna have her thoughts, and you're gonna have to give and take. It's compromising so that when by the time you're done, you're just gonna look pretty close to being like your like your uncle, like, well, as you want. But there's also gonna be elements of your wife in there too and that she's done what she's wanted. And she's gotten her her, main
ideas in as to who the who your your uncle are. And so we have to just be okay with the process. It's not a it's the whole the whole issue and process of creating and getting to the results is that you are examining your thoughts, examining who you, who you think this this thought represents. And are you going to are you going to accept it? Are you going to keep going or do you have to stop back up and try again? And why do you have to stop back up and try again?
Are you thinking that if you don't get this perfect, people are gonna laugh you out of the house? If you don't get this perfect, is your is your uncle never gonna talk to you ever again? Or are you just trying to show that you have the the love for your uncle that you're willing to put this much work into a into a clay bust of him. But another problem that you're gonna run into with any project that you do with your wife, any type of form of creative endeavors,
is you're gonna have to feel the feels, man. You're gonna get frustrated, and you're gonna kinda stomp around, and you're gonna have to accept the fact that it's not all in your power. The only things you can control is your or your thoughts and your emotions. And those are the only 2 things that you can control. Anything else is outside of your ability to control. You can try to coerce and manipulate other people's thoughts and actions to go along with yours,
but they don't have to. And you have to be okay with the fact that they don't have to. And what are you making their emotion or their actions mean to you? Again, we take everything in our world so personally. So that's why those feels come in and start mixing around because as you're doing the process of building your uncle's play bust, you're going to have disagreements. You're gonna have arguments. You're gonna have
downright fights and yelling matches with each other. You have to trust the process and trust the and be acceptable be able to accept the fact that your feelings are your emotions. They're not your wife's. So she's gonna get angry at the fact that you snapped at her, but can y'all go through the process again? Go be okay with the process, but go through it and accept the fact that,
yeah, we snapped at each other. I realized I was wrong. She realizes she was wrong, and y'all can come back together and fix that problem. If you can, great. Awesome. We're you're you're going to get further down the road. You're gonna have a better relationship with your wife because getting creative is able to is able to allow you to face the different conflicts that you're running into, work through them, heal from them, and move on, and you will then also have a much stronger connection.
But another pro a great thing about the the whole creative, intimacy part and doing some type of project like building a carving a bust of your of your uncle is that you're gonna find out that you're not so good at different aspects of the project. Maybe you don't really know where how to line out where the eyes are supposed to go on this, which if I remember right, they're supposed to be basically in the middle of the of your head.
We always wanna try to put our put people's eyes way up on their forehead and they're actually, it's in the more the middle of the head. And maybe your wife realizes that. So you've got limitations in what you're doing and your wife could come in and help you have better skills because of what she happens to know. And the same goes to applies with your wife. If there's things that she struggles with that you can do, you are actually able to come in and help her become better.
So you get a little help little help from your spouse as you are doing these things. You you're you're gonna have perceived limitations that are actually don't even aren't even been there, and you won't realize it until you have your wife and your or spouse come about and go, hey. Nobody thinks you're supposed to be that good. And so you are able to come through
on the other side with a better understanding of, hey, who you are. But if you think you have to do it a particular way and it messes up, eventually, what you're gonna wind up having to do is you're gonna find yourself having to eat a little bit of crow later on down the road. If you don't swallow your your ego because we do, us guys, we do love to have our ego just get in the way of a lot of things, and it's not so much a fragile ego as what some folks like to tell us.
It's just we will think we've got the idea down and, sometimes we're just a little too proud to admit that we may not know. And that's one of the great things about creating something. You're gonna find out. Yeah. Yeah. You don't quite know just as much as you thought you did. And so you're able to, able to come in and and learn more about yourself, learn more about your spouse from doing this. So is creative intimacy an actual intimacy?
My thoughts about this is no. It's not, actually. I think it's more of just an extension of the experiential intimacy. I think you can have experiences and have and those experiences can draw you closer. Look at any guy who's ever gone through, boot camp before. They had an experience. And those guys on the other side are closer and more, more together, thanks to the fact that they have gone through the whole boot camp experience.
And so the the experience allows for a better intimate means of knowing each other. And doing going through a creative process is just nothing more than another type of experience. So for whatever reason, somebody the whoever came up with the actual list, the 10 temper types, having creative intimacy, I think they were I think they've thought that having 10
different types of intimacy. I've seen as many as 15 different types of intimacy. I wasn't about to go through 15 weeks of different intimacies because each week, we're looking at different types because next week, we're gonna be looking at conflict intimacy and seeing what that is actually all about. That's gonna be an interesting one. But it's it's a I think it's just a kind of as a little subset. It's just the part of the experience of having of going through the process of being creative.
We do learn a lot about ourselves. We learn a lot about our spouse. We have a great experience by and have better connection with each other when we actually do different experiences. 1 being creative. Maybe, again, like we're creating a book. We're we're sculpting a a bust of our favorite uncle. These all can be different things and mean different things to us. And so when you struggle with having a relationship with your, say, with your wife, having different experiences
helps us, and that experience can be, hey. Let's sit down. Let's write a book together. I don't know. It could also be just sitting down and growing a garden together. Just having the experience of going through something is actually what allows us to to that experience and those are different types of experiences are the glue that brings us as a as a couple closer together. And so whether it's creating something or it's just going to a museum, Those experiences
are what actually help us the most. Now before I actually go, I wanted to say and give a huge shout out to a, to a a to Pod Home. And, last week, whenever I was doing this show, I would like I said, I'd do this live, and Podhome was able to listen. And he actually sent us a boost of 5,940 sets
with the message of this hits home, Brian. Thanks for the insights. And I wanna say thanks a lot, Pod Home. Thank you very much. That's actually if I'm thinking about Barry from from Pod Home, he is and that's good. If you want to start doing podcasting, Podhome is a and do do podcasting 2.0 type of podcasting. Podhome is a great podcasting 2.0 compliant podcast host
that you can use. He has his own, his own ice cast so that he's at you're able to actually do your, do live broadcast to, to Podhome, and they'll actually set everything up so that, it the bat signal goes out and we're all we're all live and and ready, raring to go on the, on on the show. So you that you're able to get the, get the the signal and let and let you know that, hey. You can listen to us over on on, again, Podcast Guru or Fountain or or Podverse.
These are all different ways. If you wanted want a new app, again, want a better app than using something like Spotify or or even Apple, you can go to new podcast app.com and, and find podcast apps there. So, guys, with that, I wanna say thanks so much for, listening. If you want help building your intimacy and you wanna have a a stronger relationship with your wife, you can always reach out to me.
By doing so, go to, relaxed mail dot com. That's mail as in a dude, relaxed mail.comforward/lovebirds. Love to be able to go through and sit down and see how we can actually improve your relationship with your wife. We can do this quite easily, quite amazingly easy, in a in a relatively little bit of time. All we have to do is
look at what the actual problem is and see where where we're, where we're straying at. So, guys, with that, I wanna say thank you very much again for listening. Y'all take care. Have a good rest of the week. And, so till, next week, get to them.