One of the more important things you wanna know when trying to repair a problem is what caused that problem in the first place? We're gonna be talking about how do we keep breaking the connection with our wife. These are some common ways that we, as just through our day, unintentionally create disconnection with our wife, with our family, with anybody around us, but these are mainly focusing on our wife. And we're gonna be talking about that this week on episode number 228 of the relaxed male.
This is the relaxed male, a show that comes to you each week helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can live their life on their terms. Join the host of certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps men step out of their heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them. Hey, man. Hello. And welcome to relax mail. I'm your host, Brian. I'm a certified men's coach who assist men who are just neck deep in the suffering of the lives.
Men who are just going through things like divorce or struggles within their in their job. We we have our these problems. We have issues that come up from time to time. And a lot of times, the the roadblocks we see are roadblocks only because that's what we view them as. That's what we think of them as. And I go in and I help men examine what their thoughts are and change those thoughts. Just tweak them just a little bit so that all of a sudden, that big old scary wall is actually a sidewalk,
and it's just as smooth as can be. And it's a great way of being able to go through life to see that the scary plate stuff isn't all that scary. It's actually a really good, good option to to look at. And so this is kinda what we're doing. This week, we're actually talking about ways that you can
that we get in our cell get in our own way when we're wanting to reconnect with our wife. Our we have a connection that we're working on, but yet, for some reason, it still doesn't seem like it's going anywhere. And a lot of times, it's because we do things to repair the connection, reestablish connection, to reconnect with our wife. And then just 5 seconds later, we turn around and we end up just severing, undoing all the all the works that we just done.
And so one of the the reason that we keep doing this is because, again, we live our life through very unintentional way of living. And to actually open up and start examining and paying attention to what your thoughts are, what your why you're getting angry at something, getting frustrated at things, These can actually help you get around to being a better husband for your for your spouse.
How do what what's causing this? And because one of the best things to do is when it comes to knowing what you need to fix, you need to know how you wound up in that hole in the first place. And to think that, you know, it always just appeared out from underneath me. I mean, yeah, you can have a sinkhole just crop up, but what caused the sinkhole? There are there are circumstances that have led to circumstances or events and and actions that lead to what is what we're facing at the moment.
And so this is where if you want to take an action, if you wanna change a circumstance, if you wanna make a circumstance better, alter it, you gotta know what's causing that circumstance. Me and the wife aren't, don't have a good connection. Well, that would be a thought about the fact that you and the wife aren't talking. So why is it that you and the wife aren't talking all that much? Well, there's several different aspects about that that can actually be
a be a clue. But I do want to before we jump into here, I do wanna point out that what I'm talking about is really easy for you to fall into the victim mindset. Alright? You know I'm not a big fan of the victim mindset. The victim mind is one of no respect of defeat, of of being just an absolute total loser. And I know that you're one. You're not a loser. We are just being we're essentially being in a in a word or 2, cock blocked by our own brain.
So don't fall into the victim mindset. When you're going through stuff, you're trying to figure out what the root of the cause is. You're gonna wanna jump in there and go, well, she doesn't she's not trying. Well, she's, she started it. She's just she's just, you know, she's frigid. Things along these lines, she never liked the marriage to start with. And even if she went off and said something very similar to that or that very thing to you to your face,
She's just sharing a thought. Because if she actually didn't want to be around you, she would have divorced you. She would not have been gotten married to begin with. But yet, here she is. She is married. So we have we wanna make up these excuses. We want to play the victim because it is easier.
And we're gonna talk about playing the victim mindset here a little bit later on. But right now, if you can stand tall and you can fortify yourself and stand to look in the mirror and see what is it that I have done to cause this marriage to stall. You're going to own that power. You're gonna own the ability to make the changes. She doesn't have to change for you. She sees you change. She's gonna wanna start changing. This is a thing called the law reciprocity. If you give to her,
you don't have to expect anything in return. She can't help herself. She's gonna wanna return the favor. That's law of reciprocity. It's also known as the 100 zero principle. And I've got, links to that in the show notes. Because whether you believe it or not, whether the feminist in the world want to try to scream and holler about it, You are the leader of your house.
You're not the boss. A lot of people get that wrong. You're not the boss of the house. Neither would you, nor the wife are the boss. You may joke around and call her the boss, but it's y'all are actually level. Y'all are even with each other. That's that's the big sense that a lot of folks misunderstand about what marriage is. Yes. You are the head of the household, and your wife is the neck, but y'all still are part of the same body. Y'all are part of the same body.
So she does actually look to you for guidance, as same as you look to her for direction. But for any of that to work and before it to work well and properly, you do have to have a good trust with each other, and that trust comes with a good connection. So what are some ways that you end up blowing up your your your relationship with your wife? How do you end up taking any and all connections that you have and throw them out the window? And some of these, you may do. Some of these, you may not.
Some of these are going to be you've done it one time or another. I know I have done all of these more than once. And, yeah, we struggle with, with getting our marriages right. Me and my wife, we are still working to make sure that we have a better connection. We struggle to have that better connection. So what is it what are some of the things that I have done that I you probably have done too that has sacrificed your your connection? First off, being a know it all is is a big one.
Your wife is, when your wife is talking to you, you've had teenager if you've had teenagers, you've heard this. Hey. Don't forget to get, get your, you know, your clothes off the floor. I know. And you go off and and do other things. Stating I know like that does not help with connection. It actually is just it it's like but, it's a little nicer way of saying shut up. I'm doing my own thing. I know does not help any type of situation, but also choose to go off and try to state how smart you are
even to your wife. Because one, she's gonna see right through your BS every single time. But when she's talking and you decide to talk over because you've got a solution or you've got a, a a an answer to whatever it is she's doing, that doesn't help either. We we we wanna go back to where our our old style, of talking back when we were in 5 we were 5 years old or so. Don't talk. Don't interrupt other people. Don't talk unless it's time for you to talk.
These are not hard to do, but when a lot of times, especially folks like me who are, if I don't say you what I'm thinking right away, I have I'm running a chance that I might forget about it or the the impact of what I'm saying won't be as great is that's actually the biggest fear that I have is that if I don't see it right now, I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna look like an idiot because I'm said something, you know, 15 minutes after the topic's already died off and has
migrated to a different solution. We're these are the things that we we wanna worry about, but they're not important. If it's if you wanna be able to remember something and without having to interrupt somebody, walk around a pad of paper and a pen and just go ahead and just write it down. State it on the paper so that when the comment the combination the comment need for comments comes back up,
you can actually comment on it. And you may have to say, well, hey. About 30 minutes ago, you said such and such and so and so, and here's what I think about this. And you can actually reply to stuff in old time. It may seem a little or feel a little weird, but at the same time, you're okay. Allowing your wife to be able to say what she needs to say is the very reason why you want her to reply with the same type of respect.
If she's got something to say and you're saying something that really irritates her, she holds her tongue. You would like for her to hold her tongue until you're finished talking, and then she jumps in with whatever her 2¢ are. We both can do this. It's two sided. First person has to one of the person has to start doing it. So why not just go ahead and start it with you? The next thing is,
are you being mister fix it? Trying to fix everything. The big problem with this is that she doesn't want you to fix anything. Unless she says, I can you help me fix this? She actually requests a fix. She your wife doesn't want anything fixed. Why she tells you all the details that she's given you about her day, about her visit with her mom, with, whatever's happening in her friend's life, whatever it is, she's not telling it to you
so that you could be Superman, go out, and save the day. Alright? She doesn't care for that. She doesn't want knight in shining armor, man. She wants husband. And why women share their the details in their life like they do, is because that's how they connect. They want to have a connection with their with their husband. They wanna be able to share their life with their husband. And so they share all the little minute minuscule
details that just or you're like going, really? Oh my god. What does this have to do with the price of rice to China? You know, this is all the stuff that you we kinda as guys, we sit there and just kinda, oh, god. Really? And we're talking about this crap again. Yes. Because it's important to your wife. If it's important to your wife, it needs to be a little higher level than what it currently is in your mind.
Instead of fixing stuff, letting her talk. Instead of fixing stuff, asking questions, getting more details of it will help her actually feel like she is you're interested in her world. Whether you are or not, whether she's you're interested in her world and that you care. Then that's the key point. Do you care about what you do? What you're saying? If not,
then you're, it's going to shine. It's going to shine through and you're going to be appear disingenuous, which is not gonna help the connection that you're wanting. You want connection. You want a wife who thinks that sees you as somebody who cares about what she's doing. Have that connection so that she can trust you and be able to love you. And if you're running into a rescuer every time she has a little bit of an issue, you're going to you're gonna cause more trouble than than solutions.
So stop trying to fix this. It's not about the nail as that video goes. The nail's not that important. What is important is that you are there and you're sharing her life or she's here sharing her life with you, and you are sharing your life with her. That's why you wanna talk more, and we'll be talking more about that here in a moment. Another thing that we do is having your phone out at supper, whether you're out at the restaurant or at the house.
You we often throw a fit about when our kids wanna have the phone out and and play around on the phone while we're eating. And many parents, and it irritates me. I'm sure it irritates you too, but you look around and you see little 4 56 year old kids who they're got, got a tablet. They're just flipping through it, kinda eating. Yeah. You've dumbified the child. The child doesn't know how to interact with somebody in public
unless they've got that tablet in front of them. You're the same way, man. With that tablet or in the case, most of us have a phone, that little square rectangular box of glass, plastic, and metal is a dopamine machine, man. That thing gives you a hat dopamine and serotonin bumps just to to to to to to rapid fire. And that is
actually not the best thing because when we're sitting at the, at our supper and we're not having the best conversation, we're just kinda having like, how you doing? You bet yada yada. You got the topic of conversation. Our brain starts going, oh, dude, this is boring. Oh my god. What's happening on Facebook? Let's see what's on Facebook. And if you're not paying attention to what you're doing, you're hating.
If you're not paying attention to what you're doing, your hand's gonna go down into your pocket, pull the phone out. And before you know it, you're thumbing through Facebook. I've got a a my wife has a friend who
is doing this, except she she goes through not just through Facebook. She bumps through Facebook. And and while everybody else is talking, she's just sitting there thumbing through Facebook, going over to Plenty of Fish or or some other datings app because she's single, and she's like, meh meh meh meh. She's shopping or something. She's always she's gotta have the phone stuck right in her face. And
the only reason I know about it is because my wife complains about it all the time. It's like, gee, whiz. I can never don't ever know if she's hearing what we're saying, and she's done not part of the group. She's just sitting there on her side of the table, just thumbing her away. She's gonna think the same thing about you if you've always got your phone stuck in your face. Alright?
There is no room for connection, for love, for respect, for the conversations that grow all that if you're not looking her in the eyes, if you're not giving her the attention that she needs, if you're not on your phone, you're able to provide more attention, more more energy to the the the whole interaction. If you wanna know how to to fight the the cell phone dopamine, first off, turn it off. When you're gonna sit down at at a supper table, turn it off.
Leave it in the car if you're brave enough. I I know. There's some places where you can't you have to leave the door windows down and and doors open so that people don't come along just randomly bust the the windows. I get that. And I so you probably don't wanna leave anything in the car. But if you can't leave it in the car, leave turn it off. Leave it set in my, you can have it set in with you if you want, but set it off to the side face
down. So that one, you don't get the the light the screen coming on. It's not gonna attract your attention. 2, it's not gonna vibrate because it's off. So it's not gonna distract you from your wife. Have those conversations with her. Talk with her. Learn. Grow on how to have a good conversation with your wife. It's a talent that you have to regrow if you haven't done it in a long while, but it does come about. So stop having your phone out at supper
or whenever you're talking with your wife. Set it face down off some place on the opposite side of the room if you're in the same house. It helps you be have a helps you have a better means of connection, a stronger, more pure connection. Now through the years of marriage, you've been told no when it comes to sex many times. More times than you'd really carry to count. And her excuses are creative. It's not like you have a a bullshit meter that you can state. You know, there's how do you prove
I've got a headache? No. You don't. You can't. So you just kinda have to take the excuse at face value. I have an I have a headache. I mean, I get it. I I got told I have a headache so much that I actually just about took my wife to, to the hospital thinking that she must have, you know, some type of of of brain problem going on. Maybe she's got pressure building up, but maybe she's almost fixed to have an aneurysm. I don't want my wife to drop dead.
And as I was talking to you know, trying to find a an neurologist, the doctor that I was talking to was, like, going pointed out. I was like, that's a tough thing to to hear. That that is there's not really a problem with her headache. She's just trying to avoid having to wanna get naked for you. And it's not that she doesn't want sex with you. It's just that she doesn't have a reason to want to have sex with you. You when you let intimacy slide, it becomes easier to avoid intimacy.
And so through years years of us being told it's too hot, it's too cold, it's too rainy, it's too sunny, it's too cloudy, it's too it I've got a headache. I've, the kids have been on my nerve. I'm too tired. I I've, you know, I've got I'm I'm that time of the month. Any any of the other reasons. Eventually, us guys, we kinda stop wanting to ask. We kinda stopped. It was not that we stopped wanting to ask. We just stopped asking. I remember 20 years ago,
I made the resolution of, know what? If she wants it, she can ask for it. Not knowing what I know now that the more you you don't have intimacy, the easier it is to not have intimacy. I was I shot myself in the foot quite expectedly. Now knowing now what I know now. And one of the problems that we run into is, eventually, we turn to porn, guys. And porn is just like Facebook in that it is easy
to get a dopamine hit, to get what you're wanting. You wanna see boobs. You wanna see cooter. You wanna be able to get your rocks up. Boom. Easy thing to do with with porn. It's so easy. Just type in a couple of letters in a in the search box. Boof. Voila. You've got any and all porn available in varying degrees of legality.
We want sexual gratification. We would prefer to have our sexual gratification for a wife, and we will go into a tailspin trying to figure out what the problem is. And we always look in the wrong place, thanks to porn. How do I know? Go to any corner convenience store. And in the cheaper part of town, the the more this is more evident. Look and you will see extends. You will see every type of possible
sex pill that there is. I'm gonna call them a sex pill. I don't know what the hell you actually you'd actually call, but enhance male enhancement possibilities. Thinking that if where our equipment was just a little bit bigger, maybe that's what she's needing. Maybe I'm just not able to satisfy her. Well, the truth. You're not satisfying her. You're not satisfying the right part of her. No. It's not we again, we're we're wanting to look at our world as if she is a guy,
wants sex all the time. No. Women don't want sex. If if anything, women really don't like sex that much. They do like it. I mean, they will because they do have it. We're populated. We have a population of, what is it, 8,000,000,000 people now? That's evident that women do like to have sex, but if they have a choice of getting naked or watch a television show, or walking around the block, or doing anything else, they kinda will choose the anything else.
And it's not because they don't like sex. It's because they don't have the connection with you that they want to have to feel safe enough so they will get naked for you. And when you are on doing porn, when you're watching porn and you're blogging the dolphin, you're getting all that masculine sexual energy out of you. Yeah. It's got I think it's, what, something about Mary where, one of the character says, well, you've gotta you gotta beat off, so that you
don't act like a man so much. You start acting more of a woman. You start relaxing. And there there's an element of truth in that because you lose the masculine energy. You stop seeing the flirtations that your wife is doing with because, hey, you don't need to get your ox off anymore. You've you've had you just you went off and and and, burped the gherkin. You know?
It's it it doesn't it it takes your it's not a high priority, so it takes your attention away from the need of your wife saying something slightly suggestive to test the waters because she's not gonna say it go out straight out and say it. I don't know why we don't talk about sex as much as we we can, but for whatever reason, we don't. And so we keep missing each other like 2 ships in the night. One of them is because you're
addicted to well, not addicted. I'm not gonna say addicted because there is no addiction in porn. There is no such thing as addiction at all, but you have a habit of using porn instead of turning to your wife and going, hey, baby. You wanna go, have some fun? Because you would rather it's easier to not face the no of I don't feel like it right now. The it is easier to not be faced with the pain of knowing that you have not had the connection with your wife you wanna have.
So instead, it's easier to pull up Debbie Does Dallas or whatever show, whatever movie, whatever clip from that movie you wanna sit there and watch. Stay away from the porn if you want a better connection with your wife. You can drop the porn habit. You have to pay attention to your thoughts, but you can drop the porn habit. If you wanna know how, go to relaxmail.comforward/coachingoffer,
altogether one word, and we'll talk from there. Now another way that we destroy our connection is when we play the victim. Anything, if you know anything about me, cannot stand the victim. The victim mindset is a plague upon our society.
Our the victim mindset keeps us playing small. It keeps us from taking strides because we give up and abdicate all our power to somebody who doesn't even realize they have the power over us, and they just and they do their own thing, and then that pisses us off because they're not even trying to to take advantage. In fact, they are they are the lords over our very being. And when it comes to why our wife doesn't have any connection with us, our victim mindset
will accentuate that every time. Because when you're a victim, you don't you don't earn any respect. You are be you are disrespectful when you are playing the victim. Oh, woe is me. My wife doesn't like sex or, you know, doesn't want me, doesn't like anything I do, doesn't, you know Well, have you tried to change her mind? Have you tried to make a better connection? Because you're not going to try to connect with her when you're feeling like a little weenie. Alright? Stop playing the victim.
That's goes with every man who ever struggled with having a good connection with his wife. They all are playing the victim one form, fashion, or another. That playing the victim part is why you would rather say, well, she's just frigid. She can't help it. No. It's not that she's frigid. She just doesn't doesn't have the connection that you would that she needs to be able to have sex with you.
Another thing that will destroy a connection is when y'all are talking and you don't believe what she's saying. She's just starts describing an event, and all of a sudden, you're like, oh, well, really? He would do that? I don't know if he would do it like that. Start arguing with her as to what she says. Now I'm not saying it's to never argue with your wife. There's nothing wrong with having a discussion with your wife.
But when it comes to especially when she is talking about how she's feeling, dismissing that is the biggest one of the biggest, not the biggest, but it's one of the biggest reasons that we have disconnection in our marriages. I don't see it that way. I don't think you I don't see how that's possible. Well, it's possible. It happens. It's the way it goes. Alright? Not believing
what you're what she says. Dismissing her emotions, her feelings, her, her experiences out, sight unseen, says that you do not give a rip about her. One of the ways you can reverse that is using the 4 pillars of effective communication, and that is a means by that is put together by, emotionally focused, therapists, like Tony Overbay of the Virtual Couch. He talks about what the the effective communication how to have effective communication.
And that is the 4 pillars of for effective communication is to is assume good connections. So assume that your wife did not wake up to go off and just completely piss you off right off the bat. Alright? That was not her goal when she woke up. She did not wake up going, I'm gonna piss him off today. Now don't send the message again. I get this is goes with what you're what I was just saying. This is the the key point. Don't send the message that you're wrong or I don't believe you.
Even if you think the other person is wrong and that you don't believe them, don't state it out loud. Stay present. Lean in to what they're saying and ask questions. Ask questions, ask questions, and ask more questions way before you ever decide to make a comment. Seek first to understand before being understood. When you can get that little habit down, you'll make you'll make your communications a lot stronger. You'll have a better connection with your wife.
Another real deal is event that happens is when you start become just apathetic, when you don't give a crap, when you have when you get to this point, you're way deep in possibility that your marriage is gonna fall apart. And that's just one of those sad parts that sometimes it happens. Sometimes people just realize a little too late in in life. But you can turn the your response, your actions to these to the, to the circumstance. You can change that around. You can stop being apathetic.
You can stop with the apathy that it's, you know, it's not even worth trying. You can start trying. Well, let's reverse everything? Possible. But if you start seeing that you're not caring about what it is, she's your wife is doing. Another thing to not do is stop letting date night slide. Alright? Yeah. Life's gonna happen. There's gonna be times that Friday night, date night is just gonna have to be put on hold. Wife's sick. You're sick. Kid's sick. Babysitter's sick. People get sick.
You have a, have something that you have to do in in another town. There's gonna be times when date night came happen, but change that as soon as you can when you get back home. Make sure that next fall on Friday night, you get something date night wise, whether it's a stroll in the park, maybe you're just too y'all have gotten too much, going on, not enough money coming in, so you can't afford a big lavish supper. Go out and at least go walk, hold hands, reconnect.
That's what's some of the more important items. Being vague. Your wife wants you to wants to connect with you. She wants to be a part of your life. She wants to be a part of of your world, and she wants to know what what your day partook in. So to do that, you've got it to be give more details. You've gotta stop being vague about what's going on. When you show her
when you're being vague in your answers, you're being secretive to her. And a woman who gets gets worried about her man being secretive, they're she's gonna think the worst is about to happen, that you're running around on her or or what, and that you're get you're getting ready to go, so she's gonna start pulling away. All because you didn't go into detail. Stop being vague.
Another one is stop manipulating your emotions. Got nice guys. This is about you. Alright? I am pointing my big old fat finger right in your face on this one. Stop trying to manipulate her emotions. Yeah. You don't like that she's angry at you. Build a bridge. Get over it. She's not going to like it even more if you try to manipulate her emotions. If you try to make her happy, you try to tell her, oh, you this is nothing to worry about. Well, you're invalidating her emotions.
Again, you're you're being apathetic. You have to stop trying to invalidate what she's feeling. If she's angry, she's upset, she's sad, she's whatever, accept that. Accept that that's how she's going to feel, and that you don't have to feel concerned worried about, you know, what that means to you. Alright? Because that's all you're doing. You're making her emotions mean something to you. And it what does it mean? It just means that she's mad. Alright?
She's mad at either you. She's mad at the dog. She's mad at the kids. She's mad at her dad. She's mad at her mom. She's mad at somebody. She's mad at God. Who knows what she's mad at? But there's nothing you can do about that. Okay? You try to take her away from being mad about that. She all you're doing is just turning her anger towards you. You're trying to connect with her by pissing her off. How much sense does that really make? You know? So so stop trying to manipulate the emotions, except
sit sit down, talk with her. If she doesn't wanna talk, okay. Don't force the matter. Another item that will cause disconnection is the fact that y'all don't talk. Again, that's kinda as it starts falling in with the the apathy. But when you stop talking, that's when the marriage really starts to crumble. That's when roommate syndrome really sets its teeth in in the, in the old ass end of your of your relationship. And when y'all stop talking, y'all are gonna start drifting part even further.
Not spending intentional time with each other is another item that will come about and disrupt the connection that y'all have. And this is living intentional life, living intentionally with each other. Hey. Let's go for a walk at 6 o'clock. Schedule your time if you have to. If y'all haven't done it in a while, then this is a good way to exercise that those those, muscles because it takes effort to live intentionally. It takes effort to live the life that you wanna live.
And when you are not scheduling your life, you're gonna let anything else come about. So schedule and when you were dating, y'all scheduled. You scheduled, hey. Was we're gonna go on date night Friday night at 3 o'clock. See you there, in the afternoon. We're gonna spend the rest of the evening out out and about. Get ready for it, kid. We're gonna have a good time. That type of stuff. But also
scheduling sex, which sounds I know it's like, oh, but it's supposed to be this impromptu, beautiful thing. Says who? It would be fun, but there's obviously, you've seen y'all aren't having sex, so you need to start trying to at least intentionally try to have sex. When you stop having intentional time together, you're gonna find other things to do, and the marriage will eventually start to crumble. Another thing is being an emotional childhood.
This is you running around saying, she should be making me happy. No. How is she supposed to do that, man? How is she supposed to make you happy? You don't even know how to make yourself happy, and you're taking the controls and throwing them over to her. Well, you know what I mean? I just wanna be able to have have whoopie a little more often. Then tell her that. Again,
you've gotta start intentionally saying, hey. I would like to, you know, how about next Friday? You and me get naked. You know? Find a way. Get used to talking about sex with your wife. Of all people, you should be able to talk sex about is your wife. I know, guys, we don't like to talk about sex. That's fine. We have our own personal hang ups, but we're going we need to have those conversations.
But when we're being in emotional childhood, we sit there sit around and whine and cry that everything else is happening to us. It's throwing us into that victim mindset, and we're not getting what done what needs to be done, which is having a good, wonderful, beautiful, fulfilled relationship. Another reason is using your wife as a therapist. That is not her job, man. I know society and all the,
the therapists out there like to go, oh, you need to be talk opening up and sharing your emotions with your wife more. No, Dude, do not be sharing your emotions more with your wife. It's not that you're not supposed to be emotional around your wife. You can be emotional. If something upsets you, you can cry in front of her. You can cry with with her. You can have your emotions.
But walking up to her going, well, the boss was mean to me, and I think I was felt really anxious the whole time. And I was just, I just emotionally vomit all over her. You're going to wear her out. She needs your masculinity to be able to stay positive for you. And the way she gets your positive masculinity is by giving you her problems, her, during her day. This is why she need also likes to talk with
you. As you're she's talking. She's sharing her day. She's taking that emotional negativity and dumping it onto your head. And you're then turning around and going, okay. I'm gonna go talk to my guys. So instead of using her as a therapist, use your other the men in your group, Your yours your your community, your brotherhood of men, turn to them for the emotional support. Let them help you out so that you can go back to your wife emotionally positive with that masculine energy
so that you can actually have a good connection with your wife. If you're sitting there trying to just dump on her and use her as your therapist, she's gonna get tired of you, and she's gonna leave. And she is gonna shut the door, and you're never going to hear from her again because that's just not what women are meant to do. And if, a, you're doing any of this and you're trying to figure out how do I stop, then, man, best thing to do is to take that next step.
I recommend I suggest you take the next step because that next step is given reaching out to me, going relaxmail.comforward/ coaching offer, and we can sit down together, and we will find a solution. And I will help you as you find that shortest route from where you are to where you wanna go and help you have a better marriage, all thanks to the fact that you're not going around trying to fix everything. You're not
taking your phone out. You're not worried about phone. You're not worried about this, porn or and you're staying away from playing the victim. You're you start having better communication skills with her. You start having date nights, and those date nights are sacred to you and her. And y'all start talking and sharing each other's lives, becoming very intimate in the details and how y'all display your love for each other by intentionally spending time with each other
and realizing that you are an emotional adult and that you can. You're responsible for your emotions. You're she's not you abdicate her or you absolve her from any and all responsibility of making you happy. You stop being overly critical on things that she does because that's just what you're taking her actions to mean. Start doing that, and you're gonna find your life is going better. Your life is going smoother. You're having a better time.
You can have that fulfilling life all because you decided to be intentional with what you're doing in with your life, what you're doing with yourself and how you're thinking. And will you do that by taking that next step? Go to relaxmail.comforward/ coaching offer. We'll sit down and we'll have a discussion. We'll see how we can help each other and what the next steps actually need to be. So if you're interested, please go and we will see y'all next week.
So till then, guys. Thanks a lot. Catch you then.