Alright. It is getting to be Christmas time, and we've got, like, a week left till Christmas shows up. So what a better there's no better time now than to actually sit back, and let's examine this past year. Examine this coming year of 9 of 1920 I believe in that one, and that one's awesome. Of 2025. Mode. And and we'll see if we and see what we could do on making 2025 a better year.
And why doing these reviews, looking at your life, and applying the 4 pillars of relaxed mail is actually gonna make your life that much better. This is The Relaxed Male, a show that comes to you each week helping men to remove the nice guy from their life so they can actually live their life on their terms. Join the host certified coach, Brian Goodwin, as he helps men step out of their heads and become free from the thoughts that bind them.
Amen. Hello, and welcome to the relax meal. Alright. So we are at the end of the year. We are starting to wind down the the all the, all the act as the activities increase, we're slowing down. We're becoming a little more starting to reflect more as to what our life has been like. Where are we in relations to the goals that we set last year? So we have 2025
coming up on us. And we this 20 and year 2024, granted, man, it kind of was a bit of a it was it was a a rocking show in some ways because we didn't know which direction we were going there for a bit. And, leading all the way up to November when US had their election, I mean, things were we had forces on both sides just
mashing each other head to head, not to make this a political show because it's not. It's about us men becoming better men, us men having better opportunities to have better relationships with our our girlfriends and our wives. And so to be able to do that, we have to be able to to know where we've succeeded, where we at in our in the grand scheme of things, because so many of us go through life asleep at the wheel.
We are more interested in what is happening around us in the means of of our of our daily day to day life, the the the celebrities and those types of people, and we're more interested in all that than what's actually happening in our life. What are we getting done? And I think that that's where a lot of the Karen, phenomenon comes from.
I think that's where a lot of of the hysteria that we see from time to time is coming from is that's people who are who are who have been asleep at the wheel for way too long, and they just realized, holy smokes, I think I'm fixing to run into this brick wall, and tries to turn just way too late. And this is why goals are so important to us. This is why we need to be focused on and have at least 1, but at least but maybe closer to 4 goals that we can focus in on from time to time.
Because when we have these goals, when we have these opportunities, when we have the, the, the power to control our own destiny, We are more grateful. We are have more of an abundant mindset. And when we are we become more successful just out of the fact that we are trying our damndest from day to day to achieve our goals. And do we get all do we achieve them all the time? No. No. We don't. And that's okay. We don't have to achieve our goals
every day. It's good if we can, and our our our life becomes better for it, but it's actually the struggle and and and pain of and discomfort of actually attempting to gather or to reach that goal, to attain that goal, that actually allows us to become better people. And so as the year has gone through, 2024 has come through. We are now hitting the end of the year. We're coming to a close. Christmas, like I said, is neck is, yeah, next week as this show comes out. And so that means, oh my gosh.
What are you gonna do? We hear people because the year or the the week following that is New Year's. So what have you planned? Now I know I get it. A lot of people are saying, well, just make a plan, make a goal, and set it, and go start from right now. And I okay. That's good if you are somebody who is well practiced in setting goals. But a lot of folks, we struggle. I'm 1 who struggled
with those goals, setting those goals, reaching those goals, attaining those goals. I mean, I failed more times getting my goal set. I mean, one of the biggest goals that I have had for the past, oh, see well, relax mail's been around for 7 years now. 7 coming up on 8 year. Actually, I think we've hit 8 years now. Yep. Because it was in just, November, I believe, is when I, November of 20 17, 26, and 17, I believe. So 17 yeah. 24, so, 7 years so far. And I have made the the goal each year there,
each year from that from the first goal or from the 1st year in my come on, brain. Work with me. Slow it down. Sorry. I'm going way too fast.
We can when you from the 1st year of having the show, relaxed mail, going, and it was started out as just a just a a a Shopify shop is what it was going to originally be, and it was just gonna be of guys' stuff to just and and funny goofy stuff that I'd found online and was gonna use those drop shipping thing and quickly realized, well, you've gotta have more people then show up to it than what I was having. And so I ended up closing the Shopify store, but I liked the domain of relax mail.
And so I kept using it, turned it into a blog, and it was just kinda kept creeping along. And I was trying, oh, let's put up, you know, put up ads. We'll just do the old see if we can do anything with ads and quickly realized again, yeah, I've gotta have more people showing up to the site than what I actually have, which was, you know, maybe 1, 2 a day when wasn't much that 1st year. And so I decided I'm wanna have a 100 actual people a day show up to my site in a in a 30 day period.
And even now, 7 years into this into this this this adventure, I'm still not actually there. Now I'm getting over a 100 views a day. I have a I'll have maybe 94, 95 people will show up at times, and, you know, I'll have a 120 views. So some people are going and visiting several different sites or several different pages, but at the same time, is that what am I getting
a 100 people in a 30 day period? No. I'm getting a 100 people in about a 7 day period right now. I will have a 104, 110, 120 people show up. And then about Friday, Saturday, there is a big dip. And I think I have an idea of what would allow that to raise up so that I could actually get all the way across that little, the little rough spot.
And that might be something that I do down the, down the road, but at the moment, it's just not something that I'm honestly, I'm not I'm too busy trying to figure out how do I bring people in who are interested in the services that I provide. And people are still coming in. They're still viewing. It's kinda like, well, here on this,
on on the different streams that I'm doing right now. We've got people who come in. They kinda mingle around, listen to my voice, and go, wow. He's really freaking annoying, and leave. And so, you know, I I get that it's a it's a challenge because it's, what is the, the saying? You can have quick, cheap, and good, but you can only pick 2. If you want quick and good, it's not gonna be cheap. If you want quick and cheap, it's not gonna be good.
So we have there's that balancing act of which 2 are you choosing, and one was going to be, I wanted it to be good. I don't need it to be quick. So I wanted to make sure that it was done fairly cheap. So it when I say cheap because I'm, you know, I'm I've got a family I have to feed. I'm doing what I can to to apply more funds to the, and they invest in relaxed mail. And so there's times that, yeah, I have to actually
kinda step back and not put any money in. So it has to be, you know, has to be good and cheap, which means it's not fast. And, like I said, we've been at this for 7 years so far. And so we're finally getting up to the 100 people mark, but I as as of the release of this show, today, no. It's not it's not there yet. We're getting there, but just not yet. So but what do what do we have to do? So it's like here, like this, like the relax mail website. If I use it as as an example,
at the end of our year, we want to review. We wanna see what have we done right, what have we done wrong. And there's actually a thing called an after action review, and there's where you ask yourself 4 questions on everything you do. At the end of the day, what did you do right? What did you do wrong? What needs to be improved? What can you learn from that particular event?
Ask yourself those questions at the end of the day, and you'll become a little bit better because when you're being truly honest with yourself and you're and you're voicing what you have done right and what you have failed to do. So at the end of the year, we also have these these different questions, that we can apply also. But we wanna also look at each of the goals as a separate event. Did you accomplish your goals?
What allowed you to accomplish the goal? What did you do right? What did you do what could you have done to help that goal be accomplished even faster? So even the goals, what you do what did you do right? What did you do wrong? What needs to be improved, and what did you learn? And repeat rinse and repeat. So this year, what have I accomplished? I with, with the, Relax Mail website, I accomplished the fact that I the, the site has become
better. I have increased the viewers from, on average, being about 50 to 60 people a day to about a 100 and 100 to a 100 and 40 a day. And there's a lot of times I'll hit a 140 mark, and that's feels really good. I'll tell you. I won't lie to you on that one. But at the same time, it's do I have the consistency of a 100 people that I that my goal wanted? No. So I'm still failing
in that aspect. And so I have to what have I accomplished? I have accomplished an increased number of people visiting my site. My SEO, apparently, has slowly been getting better. I write for people. I don't write for Google. And so, yeah, it's gonna take a little more time for people to find me
as Google starts to really gather up more and more information because I'm only I'm putting out 2 blog posts a week, and that's what I put out. One's a blog this podcast, and the other one is just a regular blog post. And I could put out more. I could put out one for Monday, or I could put out one for Friday, and and increase sure. I could probably increase my my readers that way.
So what did we accomplish? What did you not accomplish? And that's, again, where did what part of your goals from, your 2024 goals did you fail to may to achieve? What did you want to accomplish, and why did you not accomplish it? Being truthful and honest with yourself will help you become better and help you examine your shortcomings a lot more. It's not a means for you to beat yourself up. It's a means for you to learn from your mistakes. Why did you fail at accomplishing your goal?
Why did you not get the goals that you want accomplished? And a lot of us will be, well, because I just didn't feel like doing it. I didn't accomplish it because I didn't wanna work that hard. If we're honest, we'll we'll have the reasons why. And so how do you get around to work at heart? What thoughts do you need to change to allow yourself to have more thoughts that will allow you to just have more success? So we have our accomplishments. We have our,
lack of accomplishment. And, also, with your accomplishments, don't forget to celebrate those wins. Those wins are hard fought. Those you got those for a reason. Maybe it was you to have stopped playing, you know, the procrastination game. And so what how do you how are you going to celebrate the fact that you actually stopped procrastinating on every other, every other project that you're done. You have the
ability to celebrate. And when you celebrate those short those those wins, you're going to allow your yourself to fill that little dopamine bump, and you're going to be wanting to actually try to accomplish a little more next time. So accomplish those accomplishments need to be celebrated. Those are part of your whys you're going to you're you're aiming for. So what's we've looked at last year and we've examined it. It's now time to actually start looking at the future.
Start looking forward into the into the, end of 2025, and start making the plans. What are some goals that you want to accomplish? And lay out those goals. Envision yourself going out and and accomplishing the said goals. What why is it that you want to accomplish whatever it is you're wanting to accomplish? Say, like me, you wanna say next year, you're gonna lose £50. That's your goal. You're gonna lose £50 by December 31st of 2025.
Alright? Why? Why do you you may lay out the all the reasons as to why that is one of your goals. Alright? I'm because, 1, I need to work on my on the on the my body. I need to improve who I am. I have got too much of a gut. I'm laying on my sides when I sleep, and it's starting to become painful. I know I've got way too much fat on my stomach, on my butt, on my legs, and I wanna become a
better man for my wife. I wanna become a a man who can defeat any attacker that comes, comes I come across and be able to not get winded, you know, first 10 seconds into a wrestling match. I want to be able to live longer with my wife so that I can take care of her. These are reasons as to why I wanna lose £50. Now will I lose £50? I'm gonna think I will. So what does now what if I started imagining? So when we look at all the possibilities,
we wanna look at the next year. We're making plans. What does losing £50 look like? Alright. Well, you know, a little bit looser. I'm probably gonna have to buy some new pants. Shirts are gonna hang on me a little more. I may have to go down to a to a large instead of an extra large. And these are things that, you know, are, are good, but also again, being able to walk further, not getting winded, trying to walk up some stairs, trying to, you know, all of a sudden I might be able to see,
certain appendages on me a lot easier instead of having to lean over to look. You know? So there there are a lot of of perks and a lot of benefits. I think I would breathe better. I would feel better. I would be able to stand longer. And the back pain that I have will become drastically less because there's not £50 pulling down on my spine. My frame isn't being weighted down. I would have
more energy to apply to other things. Maybe all of a sudden working on relaxed smell becomes a lot easier because I'm £50 lighter. I become a an example for my wife of what's possible. I become an example to you, and let's show you what is possible all because I chose to better myself. So imagining all the possibilities, get list out all the whys and what would happen for that particular goal and then
lay out the plans. How do you do that? For me, I plan on eating cleanly, which it means I am going to have as few processed foods as I possibly can. It means I'm probably gonna be cutting out a lot of fast food joints, which Carl's Junior's their their spicy chicken sandwich is a is a is gonna be gonna be something that it'll be one of those things that I'll just kinda have to, shed a tear for as I walk past them. Even a lot of the processed sandwich meats, go I'm gonna end up probably
wife will like it, and I'll like it. I'll probably end up eating more sandwiches. And, yes, I know wheat and and the carbohydrates are still not good, but to cut that carbohydrate I think carbohydrates, we need them. They are good. Yes. You have your your sweet potatoes and stuff like that. And I, I have plans of where I'm gonna essentially kinda follow, Andy forcila 75 hard, where I'm exercising 45 minutes, 2 times a day, gonna be cutting and drinking the gallon of water
every day, which I'm almost to anyhow. I do it out of just because cutting out Cokes, that's gonna be a tricky one. I get it. I have to come up with, some working on plans on how to do that. And so there's a lot of things that I'm trying to look out for the shortcomings. Kinda like when I quit smoking. You quit smoking.
You have to be prepared for those times when you really wanna have a damn smith a smoke. Alright? You wanna have that cigarette, and you start obsessing over it because we want that satisfaction that nicotine delivers to our to our brains. Well, we want this the satisfaction of what sugar does to our, to to our brains. There's a lot of the same reward receptors that get activated when we eat something that has that has a lot of excess energy.
And this is this is one reason why we're all as Americans, we're all kind of tubby, or if not, just flat out lard asses. And so we have to we have to learn to drop the and if there's anything that's close to an addiction, is it a real addiction? No. There's no such thing as an addiction. But when the closest thing to using the word of addiction, sugar is it. Sugar is why one reason why Cokes are are such a thing, why carbohydrates
are such a thing. Because as we simple carbohydrates get broke down in our saliva and get turned into sugars. And so right off the bat, as you're chewing a piece of bread, you got or or a cracker, that's getting turned into sugars as you swallow. So we have to make make some needed changes. You wanna wanna make those progressions and and be prepared for whatever shortcomings you have to come across.
So but one of the issues that a lot of people kinda run into is, especially these guys, is that if you're wanting to try to start doing a a a goal, you're wanting you might go out, well, I'm gonna make a $1,000,000,000. Well, okay. That's great. That's awesome if you you can do it. It's not impossible, but it's really damn tough to do. One of the you might start off with something that's a little lighter weight, if you wanna call it that. And there are I have the 4 pillars
of a relaxed male. This is the man's mind, man's body, man's soul, man's community. These are the 4 main elements in a man's that a man needs in his life to have the foundation for fulfillment is what it is. You're if you have these if you have these 4 elements in place, you're 1, you're gonna be a lot more relaxed. You're gonna have a better mindset on whatever it is you're doing. You're not gonna be wigging out because somebody is
using your idea. You have the the wherewithal and the knowledge to know that it doesn't matter if somebody is doing your same same thing that you're wanting to do. You're not you your ideas actually aren't even that original, But they have a touch of you in them, and that's what makes them special. So the other guy, your your your nemesis who's doing the same thing you are to creating the same type of podcast, so does if you want.
And how dare they? They heard you talking about it, and so now they're doing it. Well, okay. But he's going he can try to do your podcast, but you know what's gonna happen? It's gonna suck because he can't be your nemesis can't be you. Same as I know that anybody else who tries to do relaxed mail is not gonna do relaxed mail very good because there's only one Brian Goodone here. And I'm I've I'm already occupying that through that work and space. So you do you, boo, as, yeah, as the saying goes.
But what are these 4 pillars? Well, you have the man's mind. This is you learning. Maybe you've got an a goal of I am gonna read 12 books this coming year. And those are 12 nonfiction books or 12 fiction books. It doesn't matter. Start reading. And I would recommend reading 12 make it a mix. You know, it doesn't have to be all of 1 or all the other. You can make it a mix of 1 you're gonna read a,
a nonfiction, then you're gonna read a fiction. Nonfiction fiction. Nonfiction fiction. And me, I start the year off with a not with a fiction book. I start the year off with Atlas Shrugged. And then along comes July, and I read, The Fountainhead. Why? I I like those books. I like the the mindset shifts that it gives me every time I read
Atlas Shrugged and the Fountainhead. Fountainhead, amazing book on why going at it alone and knowing what your vision is is more important than what all of society says. But then after once I get I mean, between all of those two books, I'm usually reading some other type of nonfiction. I'll throw a fiction other fictions in there from time to time, but most of the time, I'm reading at least one nonfiction book a month. But you can also maybe you are you have a,
a a skill that you wanna learn. This is are what are you learning? What is how are you stretching your mind? And that's the that's the power of the man's mind. When you have something that you're interested in my son, he's learning to to program right now. This is something that is challenging him, and he's liking that challenge, and he's enjoying it. And so, yeah,
he's doing some, doing some Python programming. I think he's doing some other types of programming too, but he's all about wanting to learn how to program for, for a, for just for himself. This is learning building. So going what will listen to the podcast, reading books, reading, helpful blog posts like, the relax mail. You can get, get those blog posts and podcast episodes. Got, 254 as of this, as the release of this episode. And so you can
continue to learn. Go to conferences and grow there that way. Go to, you know, attend, some, some continuing education classes at, your local college. I mean, there's a lot of things you can do that will help you learn and become better. So be growing your mind because the moment you stop learning is the moment you start dying. The other, another pillar is a man's body. This is essentially what I'm doing. I'm working on the man's body pillar with weight losing that £50. But it's not just
losing weight. It's getting in shape. It's eating right. All these things, you're taking your body and you're making it healthier. And think back to when you were a young man, you had, you know, you had those health qualities. Those you're out. You're running around. You were having you could stay up all night, and it wasn't beating you up. You could recover a lot quicker.
These were, you may have played sports a lot more. You know? Us old guys, we go we we throw a back out trying to trying to tie our shoes, and that's because we're out of shape. We gotta get ourselves back into shape. And so if you're new and you're you're an old dude like me, you got a little gray in the beard, then take your time. Slow down. Gently lean into
getting yourself in shape because you've gotta get all those little capillaries at the end of your at the end of your fingers and your toes and ears and all that. You've gotta get those stretched out and ready to be able to accept higher, higher flows of blood. And when you're going from 0 to a100, you're gonna run a marathon tomorrow. That's where you're going to overexert heart. You've gotta let it get, get some some strength back so that it can actually do what's needed to be done.
So follow your doctor. Hear what the doctor says. See how many of the pills you can get off simply because you chose to lose your weight and get down to a a manageable weight of whatever, you know, whatever you think you need to beat. Most people say that 6 foot 2 persons should be about a £180, and I'm like, no. No. That I've seen pictures of me when I was a £180, and I was a dad burned toothpick. So no. Whatever you think. I would like to be down to about a about 22200 to
215. That's kind of the area the range that I would like to be able to float around in. But, again, you we I have to apply work on the man's body. I have to work on my body. The next one is a man's soul. This is the big one that a lot of people struggle with because this is your passion. This is your drive. This is what are you getting up out of bed for every morning. What is your favorite topic to, to to go after? What, you know, what do you love to do besides your wife?
You you you you wanna make sure that you you have something that drives you every day. What do you what what do you love to talk about? What are one of those things that when people start talking and the topic comes up, you could talk about it all day long? For me, actually, it's men's coaching. Coaching in general. I get if I'm able to help somebody to become a better person with just even just a little 30 minute talk. Beautiful. Love to be able to do that.
So you find out what your soul is. Find out what your purpose is. What feeds your soul? What makes helps you become that better person? And that would is something that will allow you to become a better man in general. Now the last, pillar is the man's community. And the community is not just your family, but it actually expands all the way out to encompass your actual community that you live in. But as a as if you look at it specifically, it is who do you have as friends?
Us men do not have as many friends as we need. May have 1, 2 friends these days. While you look at the older generations and you see that they are meeting up together over the coffee shop. They sit around and have discussions and talk and gossip and all that. This is these are men with a strong community around them. Men also have, also attend a lot of the different, animal, fraternities, like lions club, elks lodge, you know, moose lodge, these types of of of things.
These are good for men also because they allow us to be able to get together, meet up. You know, if you're a veteran, a VFW, group, some type of veteran, association is great from those types of men to be able to come together, meet, talk, share share, and and have a a good, a good community that has grown around them. How many friends do you personally have that you talk to on a weekly basis?
And that's where you bring them over to your house. You all sit around and talk for 2, 3 hours, or you go to their house and talk 2, 3 hours. Maybe once every 3 months, y'all go out camping or something like that. These are the types of men that you want in your life, the men who will help propel you to have a better life, help propel you to have a better business. These are the men as, Jim Rohn says, you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.
Are you spending as much time as possible with guys who will cause you to want to be better a better man? Good question. You need to ask that of yourself on a regular basis. We have a we have a a need for being with other men, and this is why you wanna be around other men. This is why the man's community is probably the most important pillar
out of all 4 of the pillars. Because without having good, strong acquaintances and friends and and and buddies and things like that, you're not really gonna want to go off and do the other stuff. So how do you do that? How do you go about and to have a better, a better, better life? Well, you have to incorporate all 4 of those pillars.
Because when you have those 4 pillars, you're going to have a better relationship with your wife. You're gonna draw your wife's attention over to you a lot more because she likes the fact that you are learning, that you're continually growing as a human, and that you're not just a potato on the damn couch. You're actually getting out there. You're doing stuff with your life. You're also you're you're driven. You're you're got a purpose, and you get up out of bed, and you're
you want to get stuff done. You wanna get it done and get it kicked in the teeth and sent down the road. And then also you have those friends. Yeah. She may be a little little weirded out of the fact that you make you you know, you have these guys that are coming over out of nowhere. But as the she sees the changes that it makes in you, she will be a lot more comfortable with it. So what am I gonna be working on this coming year? Well, I've already talked about the £50,
but I'm also wanting to see if I can find a convention that I can go to. I wanna attend some type of conference or convention or something like that just so that I can meet a whole bunch of new people who are of the same type of passion of of whatever the topic of the conference is. I also wanna make 4 new contacts each month. So that's one new guy that I wanna meet every month. And once a or 1 a month, 1 a week. Sorry.
4 4 weeks to a month. So anyhow so by the end of it, I would wanna know know that I got 52 people that I'm calling up on a pretty regular basis, shooting them emails, checking in on them, seeing how they're doing. And this is, this is something that will be, be ongoing because this is me growing my community even more.
So I still need to work on the relaxed smell. I still wanna make sure the relaxed smell is growing and learn and I'm learning to bring people in who want to have the experience of being coached by by me. And that is a that is a skill that I'm still learning. I'm still figuring out how do I go about on on having a a proper proper sales technique. And so that's something that I've gotta be able to work on for,
for the following year. And so, eventually, I think I'm going to have I'm gonna aim at 6 clients this coming year. What I really would like to have is about 6. If I could have if I could fill myself up and have 40, boom. That's great. But at the same time, I'm gonna be realistic and know that I have to learn
what brings my brings the men in. Because us men, we're a little bit on the shy side. I've come to find out. For, you know, talk about men things. Men all we like to be rambunctious except for the fact that we don't like to talk about ourselves because then we're not good enough. And that is a tough hump to come and to get over. So I'm working on it. I will figure it out. And I'm getting some guys who do. So
that's that's what I would really wanna accomplish. £50, 100 people to, relaxed mail, and 6, about I'm gonna say 6 people or 6 new clients and 50 new 2 new guys that I have that I've gone out and met. So with that, guys, I wanna say thanks so much for actual, listening. If anything that I said resonated with you, struck a chord, helped,
opened your eyes to something, then please share this out. Share this with somebody. Share this with your your with your Facebook group, Twitter, Instagram threads, blue sky, whatever whatever social media app you choose network you like to join
and you like to partake in, share that out with them. Share it with them and let them know that, hey. There is a site out here that has got a got this guy. He's he's a bit older, but he's got a lot of gray hair, but that's okay because he's helping men have better relationships. He's helping men face the the limiting thoughts that they have and so that their relationship with their wife blooms, grows, and becomes better. So, guys, with that, I wanna say thank you very much for
for for listening. Y'all take care. If you are interested and kinda curious and you wanna see what is okay. What's I've heard people talk about coaching. I'm not sure. I don't I don't know even know if I really even wanna have coaching done. I'm gonna I'll one of the great things I as I have my own business, I can do is I would like to offer you a free coaching session. Just come over. We'll we'll coach through through a,
through a, a particular obstacle you have. Maybe the only thing that you have, and I'm not gonna sell anything to you. I just want you to experience the, how amazing it is to actually be coached. And you can do that by going over to to relax mail dot com forward slash try coaching, and that will take you over to the, to the a a scheduling app, and we can schedule up a a time to sit down and to have a a conversation. So
recommend heading over there and and checking that out, and love to hear from you and love to be able to talk to you. So with that, guys, I wanna say thanks so much for listening. Y'all take care. Have a great rest of the weekend, and we will see y'all then. So till next week. Bye.