Ep 96: Matt Docchio

Sergeant first Class Dochio spent his entire military career in the Army Special Forces Green Beret, earning a number of awards, including a Bronze Star and Purple Heart, before retiring in twenty eighteen due to injury, sustain and combat. After discovering a passion for war working in retirement, Matt founded hard Af Designs, a small veteran own business that creates unique,

hindcrafted home to core pieces. Matt and I discussed why some of the best leaders express vulnerability and empathy, the importance of teaching children accountability, and why he's decided to write a book to help those struggling with mental health, self worth, and identity. Man, I'm gonna try not to cry on this one. Dude an old friend from my childhood. We've kept in touch some over the years. But I mean, this man is a He's a freaking hero to all

of us here in the United States. I'm super pumped to have him, super pumped to call him a friend. Special Forces Green Beret retired Matt Docchio, Matthew Dochio, doc what's up Man? Thanks for hopping on, Bro.

the US. You know, military, You've been in so many leadership positions, but also you know, you were one hell of an athlete back in your day, and and you know a lot of you know, sports parents, a lot of kids, a lot of coaches and such will listen to this a little bit of history about Matt and I. You know, we played every sport we can possibly imagine against each other with each other back in the day when we were kids. Our brothers played high school football together.

He and I played football together against each other in high school. And then I guess, Matt, you know we're such a good athlete, you go into the military, what are you you're nineteen twenty years old when.

the mentors that I had and then bad leaders, you know, being able to identify them and what I take away from from this guy and that guy. So when I got the Special Forces, it almost felt like at home. It felt like a football team to me, it really was. It was it was the same type of mentality, a bunch of guys working towards the same goal, working together.

To be honest, it was almost I'm not going to say easy, because physically it was challenging, but it was easier for me than I think other guys that were left in the right of being because I already had those key qualities that you learned playing sports, how to be a member of the team, how to follow, then how to lead, And I think that's what made me successful.

right like there had to be adversity constantly. Was there anything that like you pulled out of your childhood or any struggles that maybe you know, you could look back on, maybe from your athletic background to be like, man, I've been here before.

It's like I'm that freshman again with these older guys and you have to put your pride aside to follow and listen. And I just said to my son the other day, because you just started playing football, the same advice I gave him would be advice that I learned growing up playing football and I used throughout my whole career. Sometimes don't listen to how the coach is saying it to you, listen to what he's saying to you. You know, guys are gonna scream, they're gonna yell at you. Filter

that out. And just received the message do not miss the mess is because he's yelling at you, you know, And that was a big takeaway for me. That's something I've always I've always held tied to.

like a good leader. But from what I see and what I've seen through my it's the guys that played some type of sports, the guys that were always involved in that team setting. I believe good leaders are made through experiences growing up, you know, as they go through life. They are the experiences that they are a part of morph them either into a good leader or a bad leader, or doesn't understand what leadership is, or just doesn't have

that quality in them. Some people are I don't think are made to be leaders, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I do believe that it's I became the leader that I became because of coach Trull, like Holy Cross, because of you know, my coach in college, because of the mentors I had when I was when I was young in Special Forces and some great leaders that pulled me in and mentored me, and I was able to pull those key things that I see in them as leaders.

And then the bad leaders. I've had a lot of bad leaders in my career as well. I remember like things that they did that I in my mind, I'm not going to do that. That's not the leader I want to be. So when I get into that position, or when I did get to that position of leadership in my raign, I knew, I knew the type of

leader I wanted to be. I knew the mistakes that I've seen leaders make, and I remember the impacts that those mistakes would have on our team and on individuals, And I just made a kindness effort to be that leader.

saying how getting vulnerable, having empathy. In fact, you talked in great detail about some trauma that you experienced, and you know, one incident in particular kind of shaped you know, your life really and caused you to maybe later on, like, you know, have instances come up where you may have had a shorter fuse, maybe not have shown some empathy because I heard, you know, during the podcast and we talked a little bit beforehand, you know how if you

can go back, maybe you would. And I asked you before we started recording, like do you think that there's strength and empathy, Like do you think that you know, showing empathy maybe taking time to talk to someone, Because when you're in the military and you're you're you're in Afghanistan and you're in the desert, you're in a combat. I mean, you're dealing with life and death. So my question to you was having that few minutes of counsel with someone to maybe help them through, would that maybe

slow them down? And your response actually called me and I would love for you to kind of talk about how empathy might be an advantage.

that's the wrong answer. I think vulnerability empathy that doesn't show a weakness, that shows the strength of the leader, That shows the leader's ability to take off that shield and show genuine concern for a player, for a soldier, for you know, a coworker. I think that it's unmeasurable the benefits that that's going to do for him, as a leader. That's what that's what it would do for the team. I've had leaders that have done that with me,

and twenty years later, I'll still follow them anywhere. They have my loyalty, they have my work. I will work my ass off of these guys. And it's because of that. It's because that they showed me that vulnerability, they showed me that genuine care for my well being above just being a number, above just being a tool for the military to use. And it's priceless, I think right there. When you do that with one of your guys, you

solidify a relationship not just professional, but also personal. It's a bond that's it's unbreakable, definitely signed us strengths.

great teammate is. I think that's a learned skill. I think it's it's it's teaching kids like it's not all about you, And I think a lot of that starts at home. As a parent, I think that I have to do that as a parent, I have to do that as a coach. But what are your thoughts on you know, can you teach kids to be great teammates? Can you teach people to be a great teammate? And

if so? Or if not? But if so, like, what are ways in which that you believe could help people learn to become a great team and not be selfish.

by example, showing that you're putting the team first. You're putting this guy first, you know, developing these guys, doing whatever we need to do to make each of them better and making each other better because you get that understanding of we're on a team. So if you're great and all of us are mediocre, well the team's mediocre. But if everyone on a team is great, how much better are we going to be as a unit? You know?

And once you get everyone to buy off on that and to drink that kool aid, you know, there's no stopping you. So I think leading by example and you do that by You know, when I was a charge of by team, that was all about getting you the schools that you want, getting you more training, making you a better soldier. I'm not trying to keep you down so I can keep my position. I'm trying to make all of you better so we can be better as a team. And you see when guys see that, they

start doing that with each other. You know, they become better teammates. They start putting their teammate first. It's all instead of I, it's all about us. And I think it's as by example.

And every issue or every challenge that I had on any team playing sports are very similar challenges I have on a Special Force to team, you know, minus obviously the mission and stuff like that. But you're still working towards a goal, unified as a team. In order for us to win or in order for us to have a successful mission, we have to work as a team. You have to do your responsibilities, and you will succeed.

I mean, that's that's really a matter. Playing seventh grade te ball, if we work as a team and do what we've learned, and you know, take care of what your specific responsibility is. The team does well, and it's the same thing. It's across the board from what I've seen, you know.

go here, we're gonna quit, we're gonna go there. And as a parent. Listen, are there times in which a situation is better some or else? Sure, but there's definitely value, especially particularly at young ages, and you have to learn it early. Man, Like these kids got to learn how to get uncomfortable. So, as a parent, is that something that you're going to try to do with your kids is like allow them to out? But how do you

balance that, right? Because do you revert back to stick your chest out, don't talk about it, or do you show that same empathy and encouragement and help guide them through it while still allow them to feel that struggle.

good coach. No, I don't. I think the coaches were horrible coaches. Did I ever say that to my son. Absolutely not right. I'm not gonna get I'm not gonna give him that blame or that ability to blame the coach or whatever. No, you work hard and whatever happens happens as long as you know you worked hard as you could and he did. So now what do we do? Okay, I switch them to Destin high school where he'll get more playing time. Do I switch on the Choctaw where

they have a weak team so it gets more playing time. No, I'm not gonna do that. You need to make a decision. So I told you go to crossroads. You take that and turn it into fuel and work hard to get your playing time this next year. Or do you use it as if as an excuse of failure I hate the coach about No, you take countability for your actions. Work your ass off, and that's why I told me. I said, if you work your ass off, put the time in, and then let's see what happens. But we

need to know did you try your best. If you tried your best and you're not gonna play well, then you know we could talk other options. And that's what he did. I'd be honest with you. I can't believe how hard he worked and he's getting his rewards. Now you know he's starting this year, he's you know, he's

doing he's doing very well. So I think that's an example of because I think a lot of parents immediately with the coaches, don't know what they're doing the right They get the kid and out and you can't blame the coaches, you know, as easy as that is, it's always a coach is fault. You got to I'm trying to teach him like accountability. That's that's where I think is big with teams is you have to be able to be self aware and take accountability. Because he didn't,

he didn't train hard for this football season. I know he didn't. I knew already knew the answer. So be accountable, be truthful with yourself, be self aware, and and go from there. That's that's why I try and preach, preach to him. If you work your ass off, then we could talk about it. But until you give it your best, until you can look in the mirror and say I've done everything that I could do to achieve my goal,

which is to play right, to start right. As everybody wants to do, they want to start and be successful. Until you do that, well, then we're not gonna look at those other options.

level create stronger feelings of support and com robbery. It's it's so refreshing, and I feel like I'm surrounded by you know, similar people, and my and my you know type friend group who get it, and many almost all the coaches and athletes and stuff that I have on here, and people that I speak to about that accountability piece and another element that I really want to get into with you, doc is is and you talked a lot about it on the podcast with Team Trek, and it's

it's a topic that really, over the last several years has started to become mainstream. You know, you're hearing more and more high profile athletes, you know, more and more focus on mental health, mental well being, being cognizant of being right in all areas of life, not just from a physical standpoint. And I know you talked about, you know, how you've had to come and work on that as

I have. And you know, many athletes like Michael Phelps and Kevin Love and Simone Biles and others who have gotten really vulnerable use their platform to talk about how that's such a big thing in their life, Like what is it about, you know, working through because listen, I look at you, Documan, You're a physical specimen. You clearly take good care of yourself, hit the gym, and you're as strong as an ox and all that. But at the end of the day, you talk about that shield.

If we're not right upstairs. I know from my own experience, like the way I am physically, it ain't gonna fly. So how are ways in which you, particularly with your kids. And we're talking and a lot of parents and such are gonna listen, like how can they look out for

red flags? Because ever since COVID and such you talk about and it's happened here, you know, even people I know where they have kids that have it's heartbreaking, but you hear more and more kids that are that are committing suicide, you know, and they're not talking about things and how are ways in which us as parents or you maybe any experience you have with with getting or vulnerable to be able to open up and understand that you have other options than just that.

a sudden, nobody's accountable for you anymore. There's nobody calling you, there's nobody expecting you, there's nobody looking out for you. And that's what we're trying to change with that podcast. That's the goal of that is who is accountable for you? If medachio disappears for three or four days, is there anybody that's calling him to see if he's okay? Does anybody check in with them? And that's the I think the same thing, the same mentality I'm trying to do

with the kids, right, I'm holding them accountable. When I'm holding my kids accountable, it's also an education piece and that goes for what I was talking about too, with the team trek and holding these guys accountable. It's hard for me as a parent, or as a leader or as a coach. It's hard for me to identify these red flags in a in a player or in a soldier. If one, I'm not educated to what red flags are.

If I'm not educated to what you know signs of depression are, if I'm not educated to any mental health type thing when it comes to people struggling. Two, am I putting in the effort as a leader to get to know my guy well enough to be able to identify a change in his in his personality. Oh, Doc's always here, he's always happy, he's talking, he's he's really involved in everything going on. Then you know, like last week, Doc, I don't know, and he didn't show up to work,

he didn't call. You know, he's quiet, he's not talking to anybody. Does somebody know me well enough to be able to identify to know my personality or cared enough to know my personality well enough to identify that change that baseline. Do they have that baseline of what this

kid or soldier is like. So I think as a parent or as a coach, he goes back to not just looking at them as players, but looking at them on the human side and really spending the time talking to him, getting to know them, so you could really learn the baseline of when he's doing good. This is

what good looks like for Johnny. So when Johnny starts doing things that are outside of his character, outside of his norm, that coach or that leader or that teammate, right, I mean it could be teammates, you know, looking out for his buddy, like Son's wrong with Johnny. You know, he's a little bit different. I was having to catch with him, right, he's quiet. So I think it's just hearing enough to learn about people outside of the job or outside of the store, outside of the game, outside

of the you know, training. If that makes sense, Nick, I.

You know, we don't talk about men don't cry. It's like, man, some of the greatest moments of my life, I know, from my own personal growth have been in the most you know, the most vulnerable circumstances where I wanted to hide, but I had to face my fear and I had to deal with those emotions. And you know, on the other side of that, someone puts their armorround you and tells you, hey, it's going to be all right. And next thing, you know, this for me, I know something

that may have been eating me a lot. Now this weight is gone, or at least I realize I'm not alone, and there's so much strength in that. So man, I applage you. WHI so critical. And also you know, I know that a while ago you started the hobby of what kind of woodworking and stuff and sounds like that that was kind of like a safe refuge for you. But now it's turned into this like blowing up business. Hard af wood designs like walk us through that man,

I love what you're doing. And did it start off as something to kind of give you some mental therapy and the hobby and just turned into this you know business.

they lose everything right because they lose that identity. Their identity was this professional athlete in the spotlight, and now all of a sudden, they're just a regular person, you know. And that's what guys struggled with the Special Forces. They got the green beret on, they got the uniform with all their patches. You know, they kind of high, but not high, but that's their identity. So much pride is in that identity and in who they are and what

they've achieved. And then the next day they step out of their house and there's no more uniform and they look in the mirror and there's no more green Beret. It's just you. And that's what I dealt with. That's that was a struggle. A challenge for me was I lost. I had no purpose. You know, you go from leading guys in combat and so you have so much responsibility and so so many things that you're you're responsible for, and then the next day there's nothing. And for the

first couple of years I was struggling with that. I was struggling hard with it. I feel like I didn't have a purpose. I didn't have a goal. You know, throughout your whole career, the Army gives you goals. Make this rank, Oh, you made that rank, here's another rank. Go to this school, like you constantly have things to shoot for. You go to this school. Well, now you

go to this school and become even better. And when that's taken away from guys like us, I think that are you know, motivated and you know you're driven by that success. When it's gone, it leaves you, It leaves you kind of empty inside. And it's funny. I just I didn't mean to do it. I just started working on working on wood one day in the garage and I liked it, and it was it was kind of you know. Where I struggle with my mental health, nick is, and I'm sure a lot of people do, is staying

in the present. I'm either in the past or I'm in the future. Yep, you know. I a therapist tell me, like, when you eat, enjoy your food. Chew it, chew it, chew everybody ten times, like, enjoy your food. Don't think about what you have to do after you eat. That's what I do. I just eat because I'm hungry. I don't eat to enjoy the food. And it's and she's a hundred I understand what she was trying to say.

It's enjoy them now and being the now. And I have not been able to do that for many, many years. And and that's what it gave me. I noticed when I started doing it, I was literally stuck in the present and focused on this task of creating whatever else creating. And I felt good, you know, when it was done. I had a sense of accomplishment. It just was all healthy, it was all positive, and I ended up being good

at it, you know. And that's just the qualities I learned from playing sports and hard work and determination and you know, finishing things, you know, to completion. Those were all characteristics that made me successful with this wop business. And it's been like a new it's been like a breath of pressure. Are really I feel reborn, like I

have this. I've been able to almost close I think Team trek Is has helped me with this as well, almost turn the page in this book and close that chapter and start a new one, which has been big for me.

I'm like, man, these are great stories. And I started looking into writing a book and contact some people and before you know it, the ball is rolling. So the title of the book is from the Battlefield to the war, and basically it's it's my journey. It's not a war book. It's not about war stories. I made it very clear

to that that's not what I wanted. I want this the mental health self help book for guys like me that suffered trauma, retired from the military and didn't realize that, like I didn't realize, you know, I left the battlefield. I don't have to go there anymore, which is great, and I can move on, you know, to the sunset, rainbows and unicorns. But when you know, when that retirement came and I stepped looking for those rainbows and unicorns, all I found was war that was worse than the battlefield.

You know, I'll go back to Afghancian any day to uh then this war, you know, this war in my head, this war with myself and struggling with self worth. And then, you know, the older I get, the more you reflect on things you did over there and a lot of things that I wasn't ready for. And you know, it took me to some dark places. I had to fight through some dark places to get where I am today. And I'm lucky. I'm lucky that I was able to

do that. If it wasn't for some key people at some key times being there for me when I needed it most. I probably want to be here anymore, you know. But there's a lot of guys out there that don't have that. They don't have that savior or that angel that comes down and picks them up and it brings them somewhere and get some help. A lot of guys don't have that. So I think this book, my intentions of writing it is for these guys to hopefully read

it and realize they're not alone. Many people have gone through that struggle. Many people have risen above it and are living. You're always gonna have PTSD, We're always gonna have issues, We're always gonna have those things going on in our lives. But there's things that you can do. There's steps you can take, and there's groups and fellowship with other vets that you know what you have PTSD boot through that holistic approach of being healthy. It brings

it down to a manageable level. You know, your life isn't unmanageable anymore. It's actually manageable and you can find some joy in it. So that that's the that's the mission of that book.

life and how everything kind of helps one another. These lessons that kids learn, and as parents we can take this information your experience and be able to recognize and be able to help. And I just applaud you for not only you know, your unbelievable service to our country, but also you know what you're doing now, getting vulnerable and showing people and veterans and anybody anybody who's out there who thinks they can't talk to anybody, they're not alone,

you know what I mean. But someone like you, who's as strong and who's been where you're ben, it's just it's extremely powerful coming from you.

nobody understands what I'm going through. And how wrong could I be because I was taking to a place where there are many people with that struggle, and all you had to do is talk to him, you know. So I think that's important for kids, for for everybody to understand that you're not alone no matter what your struggle is. We've been through it.