¶ Embracing Van Life
Alright , serious , serious . What's that ? I don't know how to be serious . That's who my boss always says you don't know how to be serious . I'm like , well , I'm serious at chillin .
So that's the dude . That's right , right , there you need .
I should have got you a fucking mudslider , white Russian wait , russian , we should have got you Too much dairy today . Already had a quarter pound of cheese .
You had a quarter pound of cheese . Yes not a quarter pounder with cheese .
No Quarter pound of cheese go to cheese .
Hey , hold on backup . Thank you for tuning in to the redacted podcast . We have our guest here who's agreed to come on under the condition that he's Anonymous , as identities not revealed . He's just the dude . We're just gonna call him the dude . He kind of looks like the dude . He acts like the dude . It's cool , I like it .
Um , back there in the sand on the soundboard we have Pamela . She's been sworn to secrecy . She's not gonna reveal who he is . And yeah , man , thanks for coming in , thanks for being on the show . You get some interesting shit .
Thank you .
You really do , and when , I Don't know , we first interacted or we were emailing . I got to read some of your , your writings , and I guess that's what drew me to it , um , because you're an extremely talented writer and you have a fuck ton to say . So I was like , fuck it , we've got to get this , this guy , on the show .
We , we got to talk with him , we got to pick his brain , we got to see what kind of a life he's lived , because it's interesting as fuck . So , um , I guess you know if we're gonna tell the story and talk about it like , where did you kind of start ? Where did you grow up ?
Just kind of briefly , so we can get a picture of when you were at before this .
Well , I started it as a sexual act with my parents . They uh fire .
No shit me too .
So that's what . That's where I started . Was my parents fucking ? So I started like that and I ended up here on On your podcast .
Man , what a journey , Wow , what a Okay . So more specifically um , where did you , where did you kind of grow up like what kind of city area ?
where I grew up .
I like to say we're on a journey that I grew up at a emotional health facility .
That's where I grew up , you know . Prior to that I was just a punk and Now I feel like a man , so I'm really thankful for my time . You know some behavioral health .
What's it ? What the fuck's ? An emotional health facility .
Um , I can't give the name away , but it's just any sort of you know place that works on behavioral health , emotional , mental health , therapists , you know group sessions what age were you ? I turned 28 , yeah , when Saturn returned at 28 . Actually , I started going to therapy . Around the same time , I started living in the van okay .
Okay , you know , was that an inpatient thing ?
Mmm , no , I was not required to go . Was outpatient . Okay , I was there on my own volition . I Started to sign up for it when my relationship was breaking down .
Yeah .
I was in a relationship with a woman and she was telling me my relate . You know the relationship is breaking down ?
Yeah , in your mid to late 20s .
Yeah , yeah and she's much older and and 50 something .
Yeah , okay . Beautiful model they call that a cougar .
Yeah , I guess you could call it that okay , cougar hot . She was like a lion . Oh my god , whoo beautiful blonde hair , mmm .
And this was . This was like up in what , what city ? North of Philly okay , north of Philly , okay , so you're with her . Relationship breaks down and it fucked you up pretty bad .
Well , you know , I Was working a job and the guy that what I was working with , he was saying you know , I can't pay you what I'm paying , you have to pay you less . And I said Okay , you know , that's like don't . Well , it is I agree .
And so the next day I told him , I said hey my relationship's breaking down , and , and that's why I seem so out of it , that's why I seem just out of it . Yeah , I'm out of it . Yeah so I understand why I pay me less .
So he told me to go to this Place , and he was the third person to tell me to go another person was my girlfriend at the time and the other person was my sister . So once he told me , I said okay , there's my third indication .
Yeah , so that was around July of 2018 , 2017 , 2017 , 27 it does it was around July 2017 and then yes , the relationship broke down . I left August 1st to go live with my dad . Mm-hmm and then I saw in my dad all the reasons why my relationship broke down . According to my girlfriend , oh Shit .
Yeah , I know shit moment like a mirror , somebody holding a mirror to you .
I Don't know about a mirror , but it was seeing a similar , because he's not me and I'm not him , so mirror doesn't fit .
But maybe some of the same fucking broken parts same yeah , yeah I get that , I get that .
I think we all get that in some some way so , so that , and then he , I Was thinking I can't stay here much longer .
You know , and now , like I said , I was working , the guy couldn't pay me , as much and I had stopped working when I moved to go live with my dad , and I was in between yeah things and still trying to do handyman work , just working independently , because who can work for a boss ?
Yeah , oh yeah Sox yeah a lot of people do it .
I think they're kind of bitches if they do yeah , yeah , they could be said either way .
You know , it's a fucking weird thing . It's like a yeah it's a balance it is , it is a balance . It's a balance . It's tough , almost brave , like if you know it , if you know how fucked up it is , and you do it anyway . That's almost kind of fucking brave , maybe . Or crazy , stupid , crazy . What do they call it , phony ? Tough , crazy , brave .
Something , some shit like some . I just don't like it .
So you were just doing my own , doing your own thing .
Yeah , and didn't have any encouragement from him to keep doing my own thing or anything like that . Of course , yeah , and yeah , one day . One of the reasons you know that , uh , our relationship broke , my relationship with the girlfriend broke , broke down Was just explosions of anger .
Yeah , one day my dad exploded in anger and I just I couldn't do it anymore , so I just started living in the van . I was it as cargo van metal floor Metal , just pure . No windows , just a metal box .
That was 2017 and that was van life and you were doing van life before . It was cool . There's a bunch of youtubers and shit like , sell their mansion and go live in a fucking van to start a YouTube channel or a tiktok or something . But you're like , you were like pure with it , you weren't trying to start something right , there's a lot of .
I think that's kind of cool . There's a lot of people that live like that . You know that move into their vehicle out of a desperate desperation . I'm not the only one that has had to do that .
Well , yours was like your your freedom , right . That was like a step of freedom versus People who are trying to do it for views and to just , oh , we're gonna go live in a van . How cute , here's our build out . Here's what we did Like I don't know , I'm sick of those . Can we stop those ?
Well , we just fucking stop . Those people already can do what you can do , instead of stopping them , as you just unsubscribe . You just don't .
I know don't look at it . Well , I Keep seeing it . That's the thing is if school bus , the schoolies it's gonna build nose out .
Well , where do you see it Like ? Do you see it Like ? Is there somebody like that Manufactures these places that you drive by , and you see it all the time ?
No , why are you see yeah , I see it on that fucking thing . You're scrolling through my fucking stupid scroll .
I see you got a pop , so yeah , I know I'm subscribed from that scroll man .
I don't . I don't subscribe from the whole fucking thing . If I could , you can like I would throw it in the ocean . I would throw my phone with my Facebook and my tic-tac and all the other bullshit right in the fucking ocean if I could .
It's like a companion had inspired me to get on the Twitter to share the writing and I . The home page is just nothing but a scroll and it's just yeah , I can't do it .
It's manipulative too , because we keep looking for like little hits adobe but mean you know , oh , make me laugh , make me laugh , and I don't know . I don't know , it Can't do the scroll man . There's some shit I like , but does it make my life any better ? Fuck ?
no .
Probably , in some weird long-term way , it makes me more unhappy and just kind of fucking fries my noodle a little bit . And I mean I Probably didn't scroll like most people until five years ago , seven years ago , that's when that they figured that out . The tech companies kind of figured out that fucking scroll . The scroll was figured out .
You know what I mean . No , like where they just honed it in , where you're like getting hit with shit you like and it knows you and the algorithm just feeds you . The perfect thing to just keep you doing . It . Don't feed the system man , yeah , but I mean I guess I was lucky that , mike , I feel bad for kids Because they're helpless .
My brain was at least developed . I made it , you know , past 25 , when my prefrontal cortex could fucking figure out what the fuck it was doing with the world . So I was allowed to develop Whatever fucking brain . I have not much of one , but I got it . But these kids , man , oh fuck , that's just horrible . That's horrible , but anyway .
So you were doing the van life thing just for freedom in a , in a way right , absolutely .
Yeah , that's Freedom , you know .
I've been doing it since six years .
Well , except for COVID COVID , I was lucky enough to be on a farm .
Vineyard actually . So you decided to do it . How ? And once again , this isn't van life for a fucking YouTube channel . This is van life because one you needed to to , you wanted the freedom and you kind of unplugged . Well , I did that , I knew you kind of unplug now .
I was still scrolling . I Was scrolling for a while I I was forced off the scroll when I went to go on to marketplace , the Facebook marketplace yeah and they wanted my ID and I . There's too much work , ridiculous , I'm not , not , no , so my Facebook's locked up , which is awesome , so that's just so .
You had one and it's fucking toast it's toasted because , yeah , I went to go on marketplace , yeah , it's cool , so I'm , yeah , but now I have a Twitter but I don't go on the scroll . I did a couple times like yeah , I envy that .
I'd like to get off of it it's .
I don't know what start like a rehab clinic just for fucking the scroll .
Man like a Inpatient fucking it's tough cuz .
Sometimes I think maybe I want to just scroll through Facebook .
It's nice , it's , it's easy , it's too easy . It's too easy and it learns you and Then it feeds you exactly what you want , which is too fucking easy .
I got tired of it . It's gross .
Yeah , yeah . So you were
¶ Living in a Van
. What were your ? I mean living . I Guess you would say Well , in the van doing the van van life thing Floor .
Actually , what were ?
the challenges , what , what sucked ? About it at first that you didn't anticipate .
It's always challenging . Yeah , it's always challenging . Yeah it's just finding peace , you know , and chill through the challenge . And one of the interesting things that I think With how people respond about happiness , something we were stroking earlier . It's about being happy . See these rich people who are unhappy . And here's the dude who's smiling .
Being a vibe and guy in his van . Yeah , doesn't have much of a dime but , chill and I don't know . There's something to that something to that .
I mean it's um and I think I mean the just to go back , not to keep beating the dead horse , but the reason people Start YouTube channels doing this , because I think there's some little dream and everyone that's plugged in with their 40 hours a week and their big-ass mortgage and All the pressures and stresses that they have going on , there's some kind of a
little fantasy . Somewhere in there that like maybe I could fucking do that . What would that be like to just be me and the fucking road and myself and Beauty , nature , seeing different things , traveling , like what would that be fucking like ?
Because so many of the people at least a lot of the Suburban class I guess I'm a part of and then I see a lot of is I just notice . It's kind of like you look at you starting to do that and then you look at them who's in the cage ? I think in a way they're in the cage , they're trapped , you're not to an extent .
You have different challenges .
That's what I mean Different challenges , but I think that's the fantasy . So suburban people holding down jobs , families , mortgages , car payments , the whole fucking nine yards I mean that's a trap .
You're stuck to that , you're chained to your debt , you're chained to what you owe , you can't stop working or all of that's gone and the banks are coming after I never stopped working , I still . You know what I mean you can't .
My band wasn't paid off , you know , when I was living in it , you know , still had to finish paying it off . I was still paying that . I still paid insurance . I still pay registration , yeah , pay for gas . So one of the things I started doing was I got a storage unit . I said , okay , I'm just going to get a storage unit . Okay , you know .
And I was lucky enough to find a place that was family owned . So it was chill , it wasn't awful . Yeah , so that was . I found so much to be thankful for my first night in the van .
I've smiled in such contentment , you know , and thought of all the people in the world that didn't even have a roof to sleep under even a metal floor , you know to sleep on .
Yeah , and just being thankful for something simple .
Yeah , and being thankful I wasn't going to be around my dad , who would just freak out for no reason you know and just be a negative influence on me anymore . Yeah , I was free of that . So , yeah , free of big time and keep working on being my own man .
So and that's just interesting , that first night , you know like the kind of smile .
Yeah , I was at a bar . I was at a bar that he hated , so I knew I wouldn't see him .
Okay , that's a good one .
Yeah .
It was .
I stated . I went to that bar a lot , I slept in that parking lot a lot .
That's the other thing with the van is you get a fucking find a place to put it ? Was that kind of a challenge ?
to figure out , always a challenge .
Still a challenge . Still a challenge . So what's ? How do ? What was your kind of learning process with that ? What are the nuances with that ? I mean , and these aren't . Once again , this is you trying to do it on a necessity , not these people with like campgrounds booked and you know to try to to glamorously do it .
Well , they like book it out and get all these places and shit , but you're just trying to survive doing it . You're just like , okay , this is a necessity and this is my freedom . What are your , what are your challenges from parking it and what's that learning process and like trying to find a place to hang out .
Yeah . So , parking is oh man , you got to just find the spot that's quiet . You know it's kind of where I blend in , right . So you want to find like vehicles ? I can't . I don't want to describe what my vehicle looks like . I mean , I guess I could describe it it's a white van yeah , yeah . It looks like every other white van .
Yeah , so I just find other white vanes , the part next to sometimes blend right in .
What do they call that ? They call that something like covert camping or camouflage . I don't know . You know , like people have like a big , like RV . It's pretty fucking obvious . Yeah , what about like Walmart's and shit ? I always say a lot of people .
I try to stay out of Walmart's . So the thing with my van it doesn't have any windows , so I need to open the door to have air .
Okay .
And that that's a vulnerable vulnerability , so I need to find something secure .
Like a little more private , yeah , private .
Yeah .
Okay .
So yeah it's . It takes a lot of effort to nail down a location where I'm not going to get bothered Okay , cause I want to keep coming back to it where I want to find a couple locations that I could jump to .
You get fucked with a lot by like at first . You probably get fucked with more like security or police or property owners .
Yeah , that first year was an adjustment . Yeah , definitely that first summer .
Yeah .
Lots of adjustment and just parking right in town , yeah , not giving a hoot . What would happen ? Oh my God . The one guy who was drunk . It was like two o'clock . I parked outside of his apartment and he just I'm like , oh man , I see a guy , fuck Cause I don't want to be seen getting into it . Just , you know less as more .
So anyway , he saw , he saw me getting in and he just starts banging on the truck . I'm like , oh my God , I have a policy I don't open the door at night , cause this this night was a little chillier . I guess I was closing the door .
Oh , it's two AM .
Yeah , okay .
Cool , it's two AM .
He's drunk , banging on the door , calling me asshole , bum , whatever .
Yeah .
Yeah , and he waves down a cop and the cops try to open the door and like , whatever rain , his registration license , blah , blah , blah . It's all good . If he's in there sleeping , that's fine , you know , as long as he doesn't steal anything , you know he does give us a call , or whatever .
Yeah .
Otherwise leave him alone .
Just fucked off then .
Yeah so . I had another guy . Uh , I was parked on the same street , just the other end of the street , same town , just on , and then the opposite end . I'm brushing my teeth the one day and this boomer comes out . He comes out and his arms are all shaking Like you all right , dude . And I'm like what are you doing here ?
I'm brushing my teeth , I don't want you living here and you're freaking my wife out , oh geez . Like uh , well , it's a public street , you know parking here , you know . It's like , why do you have to park here ? I'm like , well , this is the closest street you know , without you know a time limit to the center of town .
Yeah .
So I don't have to like walk as far as he hang out at the Starbucks and uh , yeah , so he was telling me he's like from Northeast Philly and doesn't put up with this . I'm like listen , man , you know I can't just leave because you want me to leave . You know , because eventually , if I you know , freaking someone out is in a crime . Yeah .
Yeah , oh man , and then that same summer yeah , same street . Now I'm in the middle of the street , okay , and uh , you like that street . I like that street . Like I said , it was close to the center of town . It didn't really have any uh restrictions , yeah , parking restrictions .
And uh , the one day I'm sitting down and I'm making making some dinner and a cop comes up to me and says hey , I got a call . I'm like all right , you know , it's like just wanted to come out and make sure you're all right . Yeah , I'm all right .
It's like all right , cool , let me just talk when he shares his name and say okay , cool , he's like all right , I'll see you later or have a good night , or whatever . Yeah , next day I finish cooking for everything away . Undercover car shows up to four cars show up . Fuck , they show up in four . And so this guy comes up .
He's like yeah , I got a complaint . You know , I got a call , someone was cooking Outside of their van or in their van , like oh , okay . Yeah , you know cooking yeah , like pushing with the propane .
Propane stove Right on the street and it sent four cops for fucking cooking .
Yeah , big time .
No , no , I was there cooking Labor Day weekend ?
Yeah , I could . I was there . So part of the reason I was there is I didn't really have too much money . I was only gonna drive to go to a job . Yeah , let's see , drive to just go somewhere , waste my gas , waste my money . Yeah , I'm gonna drive to work and I didn't have any work lined up . So wait , it's all work lined up .
Yeah .
Anyway . So they said I needed to get out of there . Like , well , I've got a Labor Day party to go to , so I'm leaving under my own volition . There , you go and anyway you can't fire me , I quit and it was an interesting interaction because he didn't see me cooking .
But he went over to some of the local ordinances , like no Going to the bathroom in public , you know . No cooking on the street or on the sidewalk , yeah , and I'm like what about public properties ? Like , public property is fine if you have permission , you know from whoever's living there .
You mean private property .
Yeah . Yeah and Huh .
So yeah , it was cool so then you're learning the laws a little bit here too learning the laws are incredibly important because One of the things I've developed in going through , uh , my breakdown with my girlfriend and then Going to behavioral health was , uh , relationships , yeah , you know , and one of the relationships we have , our relationships with law enforcement
and the law and society in general . Yeah , and with all these relationships , it's really important to understand boundaries and expectations .
Yeah .
And uh so that's where , yeah , learning the law is incredibly important and we can get to some of that when we get . I moved down to florida . Uh , so that interaction he didn't see me , he cooking or anything . I finished putting everything away . He tells me you know , and not let it cook or anything , and I say , okay , what's your name ?
He tells me his name like oh oh you related to the other guy's name will just say frank , yeah , he's like . Yeah , that's my uh Older brother . I'm like , oh yeah , for the cop that came in the other day like oh yeah , who outranks who ? He's like I do , there you go .
I thought that was kind of funny because the older brother saw me cooking , didn't say nothing .
Oh shit , well , so that's kind of the challenge . But it's um , and it's not just like being in the van , it's like you also could have do stuff , cook something or get out , or , when you can't just lock up in there the whole time now I'm forced to interact with the public all the time . Yeah .
I'm constantly in the public .
Yeah .
Constantly in the public eye .
Well , because that's just basically a place to sleep and chill , like everything else you got to be outside to do .
Yeah and do my laundry . So after that interaction with the police I walked to go do my laundry , talking with the one guy at the laundromat and he lives , uh down by the one corner with the guy that uh Didn't like me living there from northeast Philly . Yeah , and I asked , I told him about Just everything .
I told you essentially , and he said , oh yeah , if you want to cook , you could cook right on my front step .
No , no shit , it's kind of nice , it is .
It's great same day . Then I went to the labor day party . I had a good time , got hot Italian sausage on the way up .
So you found . You found some people that fucked with you over the years , but then has there been some good . I mean , like that guy with his porch . There've been some good helpers .
More than there are haters really . Oh yeah , I mean , there's always a see a haters , but I try to , let's just see a haters . You know , it's those Helpers that are wonderful , oh my god .
¶ Value of Time, Leading by Example
What kind of , what kind of help have you gotten ? Oh , what do you , I guess , in this journey , and as you're starting it , like , what do you , what are you becoming grateful for ? Like , who , what ?
I guess I can't specifically say who on this show , but who um ?
Wow , I mean .
I mean you could just describe what they Kind of did , or how somebody helped you or it's just relationships in general , um just being present for somebody , being they're listening , having something to offer . Yeah , you know and just honestly being present and just being a good person to interact with Is the seed of everything else .
You know , Any sort of thing that can manifest in a relationship starts with some acknowledgement back and forth .
I mean if people like let you park on their property , or like certain business owners or managers have been like yeah , I can , but it's cool , like you're good , like stay here . Whatever you need , I got you .
I receive so much love and support . As uh a late friend said , the world is wonderfully abundant . No , it's a good way to think of it . So there's plenty of Abundance out there , there's plenty of room . It's just uh , being open to the possibility .
You still feel that too . I mean this day and age . Yeah you feel the abundance , the positivity . You see the helpers . I mean you're more in it than a lot of people are Right , because if you're just going back and forth to your house from work , you're not running into situations where people need to be nice or you need to be nice to them .
Everything you do , work and home is all transactional right . It's . I get this because I did this . But if you're living the way you are , there's a little more Relationship to it , there's a little bit more um , where you're really interacting with people , the environment , the world , the .
Yeah , really real law enforcement , security guards , managers , these people that people like in , not that you have to be nice , but you have to try To maybe understand people more than most do and form relationships and be compassionate and be understanding , to kind of get some of that back , you know , is that kind of it's accurate . That's how I see it .
Oh , that's accurate yeah and I think about my day like I don't . I don't run into a lot of those situations Like everything's transactional , I can go to my house because I paid for my house , and that's . That's different . I've never really quite thought of shit like that and that's interesting . And you're on the other . So what did ?
What did you kind of what does that taught you ?
Well , uh , actually one thing , uh , one of the people that have uh come up to me and interacted with me , and he suggested that money is a lubricant for social interaction . Just one of the aspects of money .
Okay , I thought that was really interesting because when I got down here , god delivered me an angel who connected me with some work and this angel enjoys the finer qualities of being alive and she likes to take photos and I offered her some money to take some Private photos for some male modeling . So we'll see if she says .
Yes to that .
So , you know , she can say no , but at least offer her some money rather than hoping she'll do it for free . Yeah , I know she needs the money . Well , it's nice to be able to .
Like if people can give their time abundantly , you know , and , like you said , it's a work of art , you know , and , like you said , it's a world of abundance .
Well , time sometimes is the hardest thing to have an abundance of , because it's a fine idea , replaceable resource , and like it's it's nice to be able to pay people for the time , if you can , I mean , and that's that's employment . Right there , they're trading , you know , time for money , that's that's what it is .
But , um , yeah , and I think it's the greatest gift you can give , really more than money , more than things , more than access . If you give someone time , that's something you'll never get back .
It's gone .
It's gone forever . You make more money . You can get more property . If you borrow shit to people , loan shit to people , you can get more . That's all replaceable . That's infinite . But yeah , time is just so fucking finite . It's almost scary when you think of it like that .
Like you help your friend move , it takes you fucking six hours and you're like fuck , that's gone forever . It goes my whole day . But then just something else just struck me there Talking with you about this and your scrolling thing . We put so much value .
Like if I helped a friend move for four hours , I'm like fuck , or help him do something , some kind of task . Maybe you didn't wanna do it . How much time do you waste fucking scrolling ? Like , how much do we waste ? We attach a price to it for work and other things and our weekends and vacations and whatever we do is so valued .
But then how much do we just fucking waste ? Just burn it Like we're trying to get through it instead of holding on to it like we would money .
Can't hold on to the time .
More valuable than money , do you think ?
It's definitely more valuable than money , yeah .
Without time If you're out of time , money doesn't mean shit .
Right time rules money . If there's a hierarchy of things that rule things , time rules more than anything then it would be energy , which can be considered like a money , and then there's the action with that energy . And then there's love , mercy , wisdom .
It's an interesting way to think of it . So you're doing this , so you're just recently down to Florida , not too long ago , but you were doing this up in Pennsylvania for five , six years , yeah .
What is that ?
2017 , 18 , 19 , 21 , 22 , 23 .
Yeah , six years .
Do you meet or interact with or hang out with other people that do the same thing ?
Not often .
You see someone else camping doing what you're doing . Do you ever like hey ?
Actually , when I got down here , I did meet someone pretty early on Having those sort of interactions . It's kind of despondent . He's still , I think , living in his trauma , figuring out his own life . He's kind of in his own thing , Everyone's in their own thing and a lot of given space just for people to be themselves .
One of the things I picked up before my relationship broke down was that I'm to be an example . I picked this up after doing some yoga and I had done yoga for seven years with the intention that I'm having union with God and I had started to go to a church that practiced meditation , which practiced listening to the whisper of God .
So then I was in that , incorporating more meditation into my practice , and I finally received them to be an example , and so I'm learning that as I go along .
So like trying to , yeah , inspire , I mean that's the best way to teach , wouldn't it be ?
Yeah , one of the things I could never stand in the learning process is someone who ever says , do as I say , not as I do . Then you're not leading by example from the very beginning , from your very words . And if I can't trust you on your word , then what good ?
is your word . That's hard to do too . Yeah , to do as I say , not as I do .
That's a hard standard , but really it's an impossible standard because we're monkey , we monkey see monkey . Do you know not monkey hear monkey , do monkey don't hear and understand English or any language ?
Well , and it's like you can tell people things all day . They can read a million books , they can hear it all . But you know , example , example . I guess that's the best way it really is . If you're trying to change someone , maybe even two , like Anything Show them a positive example and mirror that what you want to see . Mirror it to them .
Yeah , you know that's a good way to fucking think of shit , I mean you have kids that's like your first man . That's one of those things like you have a life before and after kids . Yeah , you're just like , because you're raising little mini , use little mirrors .
They pick up on the vibe , yeah .
You know something fucked up . I heard , though , and it was kind of like there's a certain age where your kids are not learning from you as much as they are from other kids Because psychologically they can't process you being the same as them .
There's like the certain age range where you look like God , like you can do anything you can cook , you can reach everything , You're big , you can drive and they're mostly watching and like learning , learning a lot of their behaviors from like other kids , like school stuff , like that , because they see that , as you know , similar or maybe even like little older
kids , and it was interesting watching my kids grow up doing that like where they're really emulating their peers .
Their peers .
And you see how important that is . As they grow up like that , we give them like a good pasture . You know , yeah , yeah .
That's the whole inspiration to start living in the van was . I didn't have that example , yeah , and it led to a breakdown . I didn't want to have that repeat itself .
Well and I think , like the and I heard this from somewhere , I didn't invent the way this is said , but I've always kind of felt the concept of it especially well . Actually , only since raising kids is this guy said be shepherds , not engineers . So you're not engineering your kid , like .
And we have these parental relationships where maybe they tried to engineer us like you're going to play piano , you're going to do this , you're going to be good at that , because I was good at that , and they're not you and you're not them .
You're different , you have some similarities , but I think that in this world we have now , of like , either hyper success or hyper neglect , because one of the two ways it's like people try to engineer their kids a little too much in that , instead of just realizing I just need to give them a safe place to live , some good examples , and they're going to become
their own people , and that's the fucking point right , that's beautiful . That's a good way to put it the point is not to create this statue or this work of art . At the end . The point is to create a kid that can become a functioning adult , and the sooner they leave , maybe the better .
You did Like if they leave at 18 and go out and okay , cool , see you at Christmas , come visit . You know , that seems to be a good thing because they're on their journey . You started that and I don't know it's a fucked up thing .
Why 18, ? Why not 14 ?
Yeah , I mean .
I just thought I was I was kind of .
I was working doing my own thing from 14 , 15 . Like , my mom barely saw me . I was just , you know , sleeping there , and I mean they were . I had a nice house to go home to and all that kind of stuff . There was no problem there . But I was wanting to get my life started . That's beautiful and I was fortunate I didn't have to go back , but that was .
I think we we may be misjudged or don't understand what raising kids is . You know you're not supposed to make them straight A students and professional athletes and you don't make them anything . They make themselves what they do . And you know all the training and sports and all the studying and grade pressure you put on them .
You know there's a we want you to achieve , but you're not going to engineer them into something they're not . Yeah , so that's anyway . It's my tie rate about that . Thank you for coming to my tent talk . Yeah , but how did you , how did you decide to come down to Florida ?
It's a really simple decision . I was tired of another winner in the cold and I picked . One of the things we were talking about earlier was a plan versus just going with it , and I was one to just kind of go with it . But my brother suggested to at least have a sum plan . You know , pick a spot .
¶ Climate Zones and Weather in Florida
So I started doing some research and looked at different towns in Florida . I saw that Tampa had a really unique climate in that part of it is subtropical and the other part of it is like this Southern climate .
And there's like a line yeah . And it's like it cuts an angle from Tampa Bay to Orlando , basically of like climate zones .
Weird .
You can see the temperature maps .
So I saw that and I said , okay , well , I got to stay below that line , because otherwise , if I'm up above that line , it's going to be cold and there's no point in driving all this way if it's cold .
Yeah .
So I drove down and then I looked at the Sarasota area because it was a little not as developed , at least from what I could tell , and then I saw other things that are even less developed further south , and it just kept going south .
Yeah , it's beautiful . I mean the ocean's beautiful , the beaches are beautiful .
Oh yeah .
It's fucking great . It's better than Pennsylvania Weather wise anyway .
This time of year at least , yeah . I hear it gets nasty in the summertime .
Yeah , I mean .
Well , that's the inspiration to keep working , to get a job , lifeguarding and hang out on the beach ? Because I asked him is it going to be hot in the summer and like now , we got a nice ocean breeze Like all right .
If you're on the water in the summer , it's not bad .
I'm going to be all right if I get that job . Yeah .
I definitely agree with that . It's not . If you get a little breeze and you're on the water , it's nice , it's comfortable and you got something to keep you out the sun . Yeah .
I'm looking forward to it .
We get that rain every day , though , too .
I heard I heard a lot about this Florida weather in the spring . I heard it was real intense . I hear it comes down real hard like that's what I hear . I don't know , I haven't experienced it .
I heard someone explain it really well .
It's not like we have winter , fall , spring and summer Traditionally and this year was fucking weird but there's like a wet season and a dry season when you get below a certain point in Florida , because the temperature doesn't vary that much , because at the hottest it's getting up into the low nineties or something like that most of the time , which isn't you know
, that's not Phoenix hot , and then typically our highs in the winter could be around 70 or 75 . So it's like , okay , so the temperature doesn't vary . So what's the big difference ? Typically it doesn't rain all winter , it's dry , and by March there have been forest fires and shit March , april , and then the rain start coming in .
But it's not like what we're used to up in , you know , the Midwest or the other part of the country , where the front spring , the storms in the rain , right , all those fronts , it's more like the air just gets fucking saturated with humidity . You know it's so humid and then it just pops . So it's like more tropical .
So you get rainy season , like rains every day for like 20 minutes . It's cool though , but kind of annoying . But you can count on it . Count on it yeah , cool shit off .
I bet .
Which leaves you with like a nice late afternoon and evening .
That does sound nice , maybe I will stick around for the summer ? Yeah , at least the early part .
¶ Safety, Regret, and Acknowledgement in Life
So did you ever have like you've done this for a long time have you ever had safety issues where , like , people steal shit or fucking threatening you ?
Yeah , I said the guy lying on the door .
Nobody ever tried to like fucking break in , rob you .
I don't know . I haven't seen any indication of that . That's good .
So you felt pretty safe .
I mean as safe as I can be . I mean there's always a level of vulnerability .
Yeah .
It's like my life is that way . Yeah , jesus Christ , I'm driving on the road and anything happens . Yeah , yeah , yeah , you know , like every moment , you know it's an opportunity for catastrophe .
Yeah , I'm living on the edge man . So if you could go back to maybe 28 years old , I guess the kind of question is , I mean , would you do it again ? What would you do different ? What would you tell yourself ? Is there a lesson and a moral that you've kind of found on this journey ?
No , I don't like those sort of questions because there's no point in ever thinking about them , because that was that time of my life , you know , and I made whatever decision I made and it led to wonderful opportunities to live in love , and I am so thankful for all the opportunities I've had since and I just wouldn't change a thing .
Living without regret is really important . I think having any amount of regret is just a lack of acceptance and that's not okay . You know , if you can't accept reality , you're never going to be happy .
What's the best thing you learned ?
Just keep being in breathing love . Yeah , yeah , keep being in breathing love , keep being an example .
I read one of your one of your posts and one of the ones I liked the most , because you have the . You have a blog that you write on Was the the one about surviving ? Ain't no same in the game . Ain't no shame in the game . Ain't no shame in the game . We got no shame in the game .
I thought that was just a cool like little lesson , and you you summarized it really nice . But is that something you kind of learned over the last six , seven years ?
Yeah , it's one of the things I picked up at the emotional mental health facility Something we talked about . You know some just being in group . One important one of the things I like to say is I take group with me wherever I go .
One of the things that , for people who do participate in group , they really enjoy it because it's an opportunity to be acknowledged , to have that interaction in a positive , healthy , expansive way , not some sort of negative , unhealthy , contractive way , and they want more of it .
Most people want more of that and the only thing that makes group group is what you bring to group , so you could take group with you wherever you go . We're in a group session right now . Yeah , talking about things . Yeah , just sharing shit with people sharing shit with people being acknowledged .
Acknowledgement . That's really important . That is huge .
It's the first step If you're in recovery of anything .
Yeah , it's like proof that you exist almost at some kind of fucking base level .
First thing I know is I don't know anything . Yeah , that's a good way to put it Well , cool .
Thank you for coming on sharing the story . It's really great talking with you .
Thank you , thank you , thank you for having me on here and thank you for having the need for content .
Yeah , yeah , hey , we're trying to do a good thing .
I'm looking forward to giving this a listen here and what other people had to share .
Yeah it's going to be real cool to check it out Well , thanks , and to the listeners out there , thank you for tuning in till next time . Stay out of trouble . We'll see you in church , thanks .