Fan Episode: "Wait, what is the job?"

I'm not the person with negative $700 in my account right now. Oh, we want to shoot shots now, huh? I am currently a chemist working at NASA. In college, my nickname was Dirt. You grew up in a cult? Yeah. Today, I'm doing something a little different, but I basically put a little Google Doc out on my Instagram and I was like, hey, if you are a fan of mine and you want to come be on the show, apply here. And they have no idea that when they get here, I'm actually hiring.

For a job, it's a fake job. It's not real. But I still want them to interview because they needed a purpose here today. And I felt like that was a good way to get to know them. So I'm just going to confuse them and see what they think. All right, this way. All right, cool.

Okay. Hi. Hi. So lovely to meet you, Vardan. Nice to meet you too. Come have a seat. Is this your friends and family with you? It's really white. Yeah. It sure is, Vardon. Hello, Nathaniel. Hi. Hi, Bobby. Thank you for... That's so formal of you to say. Hi, Bobby. To say your name? Yeah. I didn't expect it. Should I say something else? No, no, no. That works. Okay. Hello. Hi.

Take a seat. Thank you for coming today, Callie. You're welcome. How are you? So good to see you. Yeah, it's great to see you too. Hi, nice to meet you. I brought you a Mother's Day gift. You did not. That's so nice of you. Yeah. Mother's Day is coming up. And I know my mom told me to get you a gift. This is so kind of you. Hi, nice to meet you.

Go ahead and take a seat. I like your outfit. Thank you. It's really cute. Hello, Carmen. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Thank you for applying for the job. I'm happy to be here. Hello. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. What was your name? Tony. T-O-N-I. Yes. Oh, I got it right. Yeah. Hi, John. Hey, Bobby.

So nice to meet you. Thank you so much for applying for the job. Likewise. At Bobby Incorporated. Likewise, I'm not applying for a job. No, you're right. But I'm happy to be here. Hey, what's up? Hi, I'm Michael. What's that shirt? Original Tommy's. Is it like the pastrami place? No. They do chili burgers and chili dogs. Where are they located?

There's several locations across the valley. Do you work for them? No, I'm a fan of the product. How do you spell your name? V-A-R-D-A-N. Dang, this is a really tall chair. Yeah. Would you like a new chair? no i mean do we have is there like a taller one no it's cool it's cool i don't yeah yeah we have a few taller ones there's a table perhaps no no no this is good this is nice this is fine that's good

Well, thank you for applying to work here. Okay, thank you. Yeah. Thanks for having me. Yeah, of course. I liked your application. There's nothing on your notepad. There is.

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With Shopify on your side, sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash bobby. Go to shopify.com slash bobby. shopify.com slash bobby. This episode of The Really Good Podcast is sponsored by Seek Geek. I love going to concerts and I've been looking for the best deals on tickets. With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app.

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Then you'll have the code automatically added to your account, so you can use it later. Thank you, SeatGeek. Is there something you're reading there? Yeah, it says Vardon. I didn't say this was your application, Vardon. I know, but you were just looking at it. I thought you wrote something down. Do you want a chance to be hired or not? Okay, yeah. Hire me. Okay, it's not that easy.

I need to know stuff about you and what you think you can bring to my team. I'm ready. Okay. What do you think you would change first day on the job? What are you going to change? Wait, what is the job? Is there a job? Wait, job application? You're applying to work here, right? I never knew anything about working. I thought this was like a fan meet and greet. No. I'm hiring actually the highest position of my team right now. Do not, you don't want to apply?

It's the highest. It's a little like, it's out of the blue. Well, it's not because he talked to you and then you submitted an application to be the highest paid person at the company. Okay, then I'll do it.

Well, you don't have the job yet, but you'll continue the interview. Nathaniel, tell me about yourself. I love your podcast. So nice of you. Yeah, I kind of like that. I am an actor. Oh, you are? Yeah. Live in L.A. That's... What do you act in? I'm an extra in Happy Gilmore 2, so look at me in the background. Okay, an extra. Happy Gilmore, two people. Is that the Adam Sandler thing? Yeah, yeah. Did you meet him? I high-five him in a shot.

That's not an extra. It's basically about you. It is about me. It is about me. I'm trying to be humble, but it is about me. No, that one second. I'm proud of you for that one second. Thank you. When I was doing it, I was like, I hope Bobby Althoff is proud of me.

And I was sitting at home like I know there's something in the world I should be proud of right now, but I don't know what it is. Yeah, I sense that. Yeah. And now here we are. We've got the Adam Sandler high fiver here. That's what I'm known as. Yeah. So. Do you know why you're here? What made you apply for this? Apply for what? The job. What made you apply? What job? The job. I'm confused. What do you think you have to offer me? I'm not really sure.

Do you have anything to offer? So what makes you think you'd be a good candidate? I'm a singer. I'm confused. So you want me to start singing? With you? Is that, I don't know, it's confusing. What do you sing? Pop music. Like what? Like, um... like pop you ever heard pop like Taylor Swift oh yeah yeah you sing Taylor Swift songs or your own song my own songs should we play one or like how should we

I need to figure out if I want you on the team. Yeah, I can definitely play one. You got a phone with you? No. Okay, well then I want to hear your music. Okay. How do you think your music will help my career? Help your career? I feel like she's confused. I didn't know this was like a job, like an application. Okay, well hopefully there's no more confusion going forward with other people.

Yeah. Thank you for applying for this job. So what is the role that I'm supposed to be fulfilling? I'm looking for a new CEO of my company. I feel like I fit that well. I feel like I'm very persistent. Do you feel like you are? Yeah. So if it was day one today and you have to do something that's going to fix every, it's going to make me so much money, it's going to change everything, what are you going to do? What's your first change?

That's your mission. First change. Damn. Yeah, we failed. Yeah, we're out of money. We're going bankrupt because I cannot think of nothing. Okay. Yeah.

That's all you've got? Yeah, we're not getting hired. Let's just start. Well, tell me about yourself, Carmen. I am currently a chemist working at NASA. Yeah. Science. That's crazy. You work at NASA? Yeah. I've never met anyone who worked at NASA. Yeah. What do you do there? So I basically approve and monitor different chemicals that come in. How did you get a job at NASA?

Well, I went to school for chemistry, and I think I got the position I'm at now because they saw my chemistry background. So, yeah. Really cool. Yeah. Very smart. Tony.

Thank you for applying for this job. Of course. Thank you for posting it. Yeah. What makes you feel like you're ready to run a whole company? So I've ran a company before and it was pretty successful. Then COVID happened. So that kind of happened to the world. But this time I'm like really passionate about it. So I was almost 300 pounds and lost all of it naturally. And I just want.

to continue to motivate other women to start and do it. And I get a lot of requests from women asking me how I do it, when I do it, and things to help them. And I just feel like it's a good time to promote that. Do you have like a workout program? So I don't do a workout program just because I'm not there. And I also think that every woman's body is different versus just following a certain program. But right now I just post content, post what I eat, how I've lost the weight.

like tips and tricks and things like that. That's pretty cool. Very cool, Tony. I'm going to keep writing very important stuff here. Okay.

I like your makeup, too. Thank you. How do you spell your name? A-L-A-I-N-A. Oh, that was close. Okay, so thank you for applying for this job. Of course. Yeah. Why do you think you should be hired? Honestly, I feel like no one has ever been, I've never walked away from something and someone's been like, oh yeah, like, that wasn't worth my time. Like, I feel like a little bit of a slow burn sometimes, but it's like, it just gets better and better.

And what is the part of the job that you're looking forward to the most? I think probably just becoming a better person. I know it's kind of cliche, but... I feel like every time I hang out with people that I think are cool, I become... No, no. That was amazing. But yeah, I'm hiring for a new CEO of my company. What other questions do I have?

Um, how old are you? I'm 29 years old. 29. Oh, you're almost 30. When's your birthday? October. Oh God, you're getting close. I feel like 29 is worse than 30. why because like the horizon is near but then once you're 30 yeah you're young again okay you keep telling yourself that i mean what makes you think that um my hair is small

I didn't want to say that. I wasn't going to point it out myself, but you are bald. Do you want to have hair? I've gotten used to it. It's a very nice, low-maintenance lifestyle. When did you go bald? I started shaving when I was 23. Damn, Tommy. I'm sorry. It's okay. Do you ever think about going to Turkey?

I have thought about it, but that's just not for me. Why? It's just like I feel like you should play the hand you're dealt. I think you could consider turkey. It's fine if you're bald, though. I think it's fine. Do you have a girlfriend? No. Maybe you should go to turkey. To get a girlfriend? Yeah. Like, I feel like I wouldn't want to date a person that wouldn't like me because I'm bald. Girls will use a lot of interesting euphemisms to describe this. They've told me that it's...

which to me just means they like it. And if a girl likes me, she'll just like rub my head, which is like, I don't think that would happen if I had hair. I think it could happen if you had hair. Maybe. It'd still be. No, it's fine. It's fine to be bald. Dr. Phil is bald and he's doing great. Yeah, yeah. He's kind of like my North Star. Is he? Mm-hmm. I don't know anybody else who's bald, to be honest. Michael Jordan? Damn.

You're amongst great people. Yeah, the two goats. Okay, so why do you think you'd be a good fit for this job? I think I'd be a good fit for the job because... I think I kind of just know what I have to do to get things done. What is the job? I'm going to run the company. Who told you this? Huh? Who told you the job title? I just like to shoot with an eye. Yes. I think it's time for my job.

Huh? Well, he's coming for my job. He is. Are you coming for his job? If it's available. Oh, my God, Austin. It's not. No. No. No, it's definitely not. Austin is really good, except for what could you, how much do you charge? Less. Less? Mm-hmm. Okay, well, do you know how to film stuff? Do you have cameras?

Well, not like those. I just use my phone camera. Yeah, no, I don't think you can have the job, John. I feel like the biggest question is, like, what can we do to make a viral clip to make ourselves relevant again? I'm lost on that one. I don't know. What was everybody else saying for the job title? They didn't know.

And you knew. No, but like, what position did they say they were applying for? They didn't know they were applying for a job at all. How'd you know you were applying for a job? Because you told me that this was an interview. Oh, you were just guessing. Yes. Oh, you don't know anything.

That's good. I thought somebody was out there snitching. Just as lost as everybody else. Damn, you guys all played off so well. Every single person. I'm like, who told you? Are you telling them, Austin? He must be telling them in the back.

But if I'm the only one who said it, then why would he be telling everybody? No, because they kind of go along with it for a second. But then they like tell me they knew that it wasn't. You went along with it too long. Have you ever been to a dentist that wants to chat with you while they're cleaning your teeth?

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With Shopify on your side, sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash Bobby. Go to Shopify.com slash Bobby. Shopify.com slash Bobby. So what is your, what do you do right now? Um, what does it look like I do? I couldn't tell you. If you had to tell, I'm curious. I don't know. I have no idea. Not one clue. I'm on my streamer. Oh, that's cool. What do you stream about? Twitch. You stream about Twitch.

No, no, no. I stream on Twitch. I stream about helping viewers raise. I hope viewers raise. What does that mean? So, like, there's a viewer joins and then they're like, yo, I need help with a girl. And then I'm like, yo, nothing weird. Nothing weird. Okay. I didn't think anything weird. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just throw it out there. Got it.

Nothing weird. Nothing weird. Well, tell me more about yourself. I recently learned that I have a third nipple. I didn't know that. How did you? I never noticed it. Where is it? It's like right there. And my doctor was like, that's a third nipple. And I was like, I thought it was a pimple that I had my whole life. What does this mean for you? I don't know. I don't think anything. Are you going to get it removed?

No. Do you think people do nipple removal surgeries? When they have three of them, I would imagine. It's really tiny though. It looks like a pimple. How did he discover it was a nipple? He was like, that's a nipple. Really? Yeah.

are you insecure about it yeah i mean now well he was like do you know what that is which is a really ominous question for a doctor to ask you you know i was like and he was like it's a third nipple and i was like that's better than what i was worried you were going to say

So you're happy. Yeah, I was like, I'm not going to die. I was like, you can't die from a third nipple, right? He was like, no. I can't believe you. I think you can get them removed. I guess so. But like, you know, why? You're going to keep it? I'm not judging you for having a third nipple. Yeah, I guess I'm going to keep it. I've had it this whole time. Should I get it removed? I just don't know. I mean, you could say, I think it'd be...

Just as funny if you told people I had a third nipple. You don't have to have this. A former third nipple haver is a good title. Is that your fiancé? Girlfriend.

Wife. Partner. What does that mean? Significant baby mother. Ex. Ex. All of the above. Oh, my God. We're having an identity crisis. Yeah. But we're working out. That's why she's here. This is crazy. What's your name? Jojo. Jojo. Jojo, what are you from your perspective? Right now, we're obviously co-parents. With benefits. Oh my god. Jeez. Benefits.

We have a very good, like, healthy relationship. Yes. Why aren't you together? Um, we just had some complications. Yeah. We worked them out. Yeah. So when you're back together. Yeah. Possibly. I don't know if he thinks you are. She's here. We lost a couple rock, paper, scissor battles, and that's why. That's really why we stopped being together. Wow. Doesn't... Don't get me wrong. Love his baby mama. I do love my baby mom. That's why she's here. She brought you a child. I know.

Yeah, we love her. We do love her. We took a trip together. Good vacation. What have you done so far? Nothing. Besides come here. I don't know anything against you being bald. I mean, I feel like you're actively looking for alternative pathways for me, even though I express my comfort. Okay, Dr. Phil. No, I didn't even mean to call you that. It just happened. It was an accident. I thought it was Tommy. It's Michael. Okay. Michael. Michael. Do you go by anything?

In college, my nickname was Dirt. Did you go by anything you'd like to be called? Dirt was a good nickname. Why did you? It was like Dirty Mike for short. Did you ever see the film The Other Guys starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg? Yeah. Do you remember when the homeless people had an orgy in Will Ferrell's Prius and they said, thanks for the F-Shack sign, Dirty Mike and the Boys? That's where your name came from? Where my nickname in college came from.

That's weird. You had weird friends. What college did you go to? Notre Dame. I feel like that's a smart person's school. I can't believe I'm sitting here with a man with three nipples. Harry Styles is four. Really? Yeah, he does, yeah. What do you mean? People know this? Yeah, Google it. He has four nipples. Google Harry Styles nipples and you'll get four. Okay. That would be a crazy thing to lie about.

Styles, nipples. This is a weird search to have on my phone. Their algorithm is going to be messed up. Oh my god. Right? He admits it. Yeah. Where are they? I don't know. Are there photos of it? I'm pretty sure. Yeah, because he's been shirtless. Fuck, that's... You're right, dude. Right? That's weird. It's not weird. Yeah, it's normal. It's normal. That's crazy. No, three is normal. Four is weird. That's what people say about nipples. Yeah.

I think that's why he has all those tattoos, because then it's like, it distracts you from the nipples. Yeah, do you have tattoos to distract you from your... Maybe you should work on... I should work on that. And if you know a nipple guy. No, you can't, because I think, like, I don't want to get canceled for shaming people with three nipples.

That would be a crazy thing to be canceled for. You can right now. I feel like you can give me the pass to shame people. Yeah, you have the third nipple pass. Thank you. If there was a slur for people with third nipples, you'd be allowed to say it. I appreciate that. I probably have one. You didn't know you had one? Exactly. I think more people have them than they know. Probably. You had no idea. I had no idea, no. Three nipples. Yeah. But like, again, it's really small. So it's like...

I just don't get what has the whole anatomy of a regular nipple, though. It's like a little pink dot. So it's like if you imagine a nipple that was really small. I don't want to see it. No. Yeah, I don't want to show it, so that's good. Good news. I grew up, this is like a long story, I grew up in a cult on a farm. Oh, this is actually, this is the whole thing. You grew up in a cult. Yeah.

What was that like? It was like a Mormon cult or a real cult? It was similar, but it doesn't have a name. And it's like worldwide. Are you okay? Kind of. We're getting there. Yeah. Your sister too? Yeah, my whole family. Is your family still in the cult? my mom left six months ago um my dad still is so do you think he'll watch this i don't know we'll see probably not there's he does stalk my instagram oh maybe he will he might sir i think you should leave your cold

Yeah. I think it'll be a good idea. That's good you got out. Yeah. It's a good story to have. But I'm going to be fine. We're going to be great. How can I help you? How can you help me? Yeah. I don't know. What should we do? I feel like I was interviewing you to apply here, but now we're interviewing me to help you. You can help me. I don't know. Model or something. Help get people to see you. Yeah. Yeah. Do some faces or something. I don't know how to brands. Yeah. Do that.

I think that'll help you. That was cute. She's versatile. She can laugh, too. She does it all. She does it all. What do you want with your career in life? So...

Like I said, I'm currently working at NASA. You could not want anything more than that, huh? But I do. It's nice, but I want to get more into making natural cosmetics and skin care and doing more of candle making. making that more of a full-time thing. You candle make? Mm-hmm. Like you sell candles? Mm-hmm. You have a website? It's on the side, yeah. That's so cool. What's your username?

Flames by CB. Just look on Instagram, not on my notebook. They're so cute. I want a handle. I should have brought some. That's okay. I'll order one. How often do you do this? You make them yourself. They're actually really cute packaging. Thank you. I like it. That's what you want to do full time. Yeah, do that and maybe get more into cosmetics and skin care. That's a great use of your NASA brain. That's really cool. I'm proud of you.

I can't wait for your candle business to turn into something and I can't wait for you to start your position. Not here because you can do way better than this. You work at NASA. That's really a cool thing. You should... tell people that more. Yeah, it's a cool job to have, but they're really good at work-life balance. My last job wasn't. Are they? Yeah. It's a wild, I feel like I've never, I mean, I know I've never met anyone who worked for NASA. Yeah.

It's really amazing. Congratulations. Thank you. Your life. I love you. I love you too. Thank you. Thank you. How long have you guys been together? This isn't even the point of this interview at all, but I'm very curious. Six years. Six years. Yeah. That's a very long time. I know. That's why she's still my significant other. I said that. My significant other. I just feel like you should say she's my girlfriend.

But I feel like we were once more. So it's like if I say girlfriend, that's downplaying. What were you before? She was my fiancé. Oh my gosh, and you took that away from her? But if I say fiancé, then that's upplaying it. Because we're like in the gray area. Got it. This makes more sense. You should have said that from the beginning. I tried. But then you went to her. So then she went. You're the reason I went to her. Because your answer was bad. You confused me.

And this all makes more sense. You guys were engaged, no longer engaged. Now you're back together, but not engaged. Right. Okay. Well, that's cute. But then you also, no, you definitely said some questionable things. Did I? Yeah. An actor with three nipples who has two weeks left to be 30. Yeah.

What would you change about my podcast if you could make a change right now? Help me, you know, go viral again and everything. What would you do? Let's hear it. I think you should be meaner. Really? Yeah.

Because I feel like that's when it's really funny. Oh, you want me to be more mean to you too? Not to me, to everyone else, but not to me. Okay. Be so mean. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think I kind of stopped that when people were kind of like... taking me seriously and i was like okay relax yeah do you think just bring it back full force i feel like bring it back as people like now they now that people think it's a bit you can be mean for real and they'll be like oh she's doing a funny bit

If I get canceled for that, what are you willing to do? I'm going to be like, I told her not to do that. I'm really, it's really disappointing. You're going to take no accountability. I got to save face, you know? Yeah. But I hope you won't. Okay. You can ask me any personal questions right now. That's something that I'm allowing. Any personal? Okay. As personal as you want them to be. Nothing's off limits.

Would you rather you could only ever eat Jell-O or you sweat Jell-O? Yeah, that's off limits. Okay. Yeah. Actually, yeah, I get that. It's personal. Yeah, that is very personal. If it was your first day on the job, what would you do to change? What's the first change you would make in my company? Oh, in your company? I feel like your company is successful. I don't know if I would make change more than just take...

I take strike, you know, tell you tell me what to do or, you know, anything. I need you to be at the top of this. So you have to make you have to make a change. I think I would just maybe continue like your marketing, like different things of your marketing. What's the marketing idea that you have? um different like types of people like right now i do interview a lot of like mainstream people like maybe stuff like this like a lot more smaller creators and stuff like that

What type of smaller creators? Are you a creator? Do you create online? What do you create? Fitness content. That's very cool. I actually have a podcast coming out this month. What's it called? It's going to be called All the Things Fitness, Health, and Lifestyle. Are you going to talk about fitness, health?

And life's out. It's good. It's a good start. Good name for it then. Interview. Okay, well, I'm starting. Yeah. What's your idea? Interview smaller creators, fitness. Okay. How's my back stance? Trying to fix my posture. Posture up just a little bit more, yeah. Okay, so first day on the job, what are you going to change? What's the first role you're going to implement? I don't even know what I'm getting hired for, honestly. You're changing my brand.

reinventing the really good you're gonna help me i say drop it all scrap it oh have nothing nothing just scrap it all scrap the whole entire interview yeah i know it's just what should i do okay In my opinion. I need the help. Yeah, no, you do need the help, honestly. So what do I do next? What are we thinking for my next step? Honestly, for now, I say scrap it all. How will I pay you?

Well, I'll take 50-50, of course. There's nothing when you scrap it all. There's no money. Well, I'll take what's left. Okay. There's going to be nothing left when you scrap it all. So this is a stupid plan. Give me a better... This is a great plan because you don't got a business here. I do. Where's your business? This is it. It's worth $4. And now you get zero of that. If you started today.

What's the first thing you would change? The first thing I would change, well, I would need to see a list of what we're doing first. No, just everything you know about me and my career. Everything you know about you and your career. What you would change right now.

I think I would need to know what lights you up, first of all, because you can inspire somebody so much if you know what might get them excited. But you don't know that. Yeah, so I would need to know that. That's what I would start with. You can't know it. I can't know it? You just have to tell me right now. I just have to tell you right now. Based on everything you know. Based on everything I know, what would you do to help my career? What change would you make? Help your career? Girl.

I told you what I would really do, so let me think. I think I would... Oh, this is so hard. There's so many options. Do you want us to take an ad break while you think? Yeah. Okay, Lexi, come on. We have an ad. We have an ad to do. I've been sitting in my house way too much now that it's summer. I need to get out. Like, actually go do something. I love going to concerts.

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Book today on the site or in the app. Did you think of your answer? Yeah, maybe we could just write a list of what companies are yours so we know for sure. What company is mine? Yeah, because you said that was your company? That's not my company. Oh, I thought you said that is your company. No, no, no. I don't own any companies. Okay, well, we can start. What would you start if you could start a company for me? If I could start a company?

For you? Yeah. I think a modeling agency. Wow. Yeah. Why? Because I've wanted to start one for a while. Why don't you start one then? Oh, I want to. You're going to? Yeah, at some point. I model right now. So when I get a little older, then I would like to start an agency. What's your tip with modeling? There's so many. But I would say, first of all, you just have to go into a room and pretend it's yours. That's it. You're doing a good job of that.

Thank you. Okay. Like, what's your tip for me right now to make me look photogenic? So my sister just pulls out her phone and takes a really good picture of me. What would you say? What changes? Practice in the mirror. There's not just one thing. Like, you have to get so confident. But right now, looking at me, like, what would you change? Right now? You can unbutton one of your buttons. Oh, it's already, it's on. Not all the way, just one.

no it's like it's uh it's sewed that way okay well it's okay then you just bring your chin up a little bit not too high straight there you go and then drop your shoulders and then however you Turn your head. However you pose, you just keep that, like, core. You just look so pretty when you do it. Yeah, it's a lot of practice. I don't just wake up like this. What is your theory on the universe and our creation and everything?

so just very casual question um i kind of don't i kind of i used to believe stuff happened and now i'm kind of like i think maybe nothing happens but i don't want that to be true i hate that like belief i'm right there with you sometimes i i i don't want even I went through a phase of really thinking something happened and then I was like... Yeah. But then I was like, wait, I actually liked feeling like there was purpose. Yeah, I prefer that also. The cross is just fashion.

No, it's had faiths. It's had meanings. It's been more than that. I was very dedicated, super Christian. And then I was like, what is that? And then I was like... the way i need purpose yeah that's i'm trying that's how i feel about like being jewish i'm like i loved having a bar mitzvah and i love like larry david but i feel like i'm not like religious

Yeah. But I like making a thing out of it, you know? Yeah, but if God came down right now, you would be. Well, if he showed up, I wouldn't be like, you're not real. I feel like, I guess I was wrong. No, I'd be like, I believed my whole life. You would guess like God.

I have no choice. I'm not trying to go to hell forever. You don't think he would know you were lying? You think he's in our head right now? I feel like if he's real, he would be in our head, right? He's not just some guy who's like, I hope they like me. He has anxiety issues. He just wants people's approval. yeah that's what i that was what i had against like praying like when i'm like i do we need to gas him up this much like doesn't he know he's cool that's but that's like worship

We're getting canceled today. Damn it. I'm getting canceled with you then. I know. The religious people, to be fair, I'm not shaming religious people. No, me neither. We're just having an honest conversation. Exactly. Real thoughts. And I'm going to say you told me to say all of this. Yeah, no, and he made me say this. I'm actually just going to cut my parts out of this, and it's just going to be you talking.

saying horrible things. But I feel like I don't have the power to make you say stuff. You're the one with the podcast. Yeah, I know. It'd be crazy if I came on and I was like, you gotta say all this. No, but that's... When I cut everything I said out and it's just me. I have the power to do that. Yeah. And you then like dub yourself in being like, no, stop saying that. That's bad. Don't say that.

don't say things that are mean. Look, I'm doing it right now to help me save face. Oh, so you can just have that clip over and over when I'm talking. I don't really like how you're talking about religious people or just the things you're saying. I do feel like... You know what, Bobby, you're right, and thank you for helping me grow. I've learned a lot from talking to you. Yeah. Yeah, okay, now that we have that part out of the way, I don't know what to believe, Nathaniel. I don't either. Yeah.

I do, I want, I'll tell you this much, I want to believe and I do think something created us. yeah because what we couldn't just that's crazy something had to that something happened yeah right because it just couldn't i don't know it's very hard that's like the thing that like ben franklin believed right really he believed what he believed that god exists

And made us and then dipped. He's the guy who invented glasses. I think he invented kites. And glasses. Kites and glasses Ben Franklin invented, yeah. That's why he's on money. I think he's the guy that discovered how to harness electricity with decay. That's not right. Oh, he didn't pay glasses. I knew that man. I thought you were doing a bit, but you were right. I thought he amended glasses.

He wasn't allowed to write on the Constitution because he kept doing bits and they were afraid he was going to do a bit on the Constitution. That's true. That's why I like him. I don't believe anything you say. You didn't believe the fourth nipple thing and then it was true. Fourth? Harry Styles. Yeah, no, I have three. He's the freak with four. Harry, I don't know why he's saying these things about you. I don't agree with him, Harry.

I'm so sorry for all the offensive things I've been saying on this podcast. No, it's fine. It's fine. I'm going to leave all of them in. Okay. She should show you an exercise right now. Yeah. All right. Go ahead. Give me an exercise I should do.

Do you work out? No. Okay. Not alone. Do you know how to squat? A lot of people's form is just messed up on a squat. Do you know how to squat? I can try. Okay. Make sure your form is good. Guys, we're here with Toni. She is soon to be the largest fitness influencer of the whole internet. She's going to help me squat. What do I do? Okay, so just kind of stand like with your...

Feet like aligned with your shoulders. Got it. And then when you go down, if you want it glute focused, you need to like lean in the top of your body like that. And then you just kind of just sit into it. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah, it was easy. You sound very confident. I wouldn't like maybe put, yeah, just kind of just go into it and then just sit. And then the deeper it is, the more it's going to do this part of your butt. Is that good? What else should I do?

So I could show you RDL. A lot of people mess up RDL. What does RDL mean? So RDL is, I don't know what the, if I don't, I don't know what the, I just know what it is. She wants you to go to her page to find out. But it's a so a glute focus workout. And when you go down, a lot of people like this kind of drop it like this or they don't realize they need to put their butt back to like make a glute focus. So you keep your feet together and then you push your.

butt back as if you're like trying to shut a door and then when you feel it here you bring it back up and then the weight always needs to like almost like chafe your legs does that make sense maybe we'll see you got it we'll find out oh this is a good way

Put your legs closer together. Yep. And then same kind of like structure from the squat and then go down. But you need to like make your butt like act like there's a door back here and push your butt back. But you see your legs and do a slight bend in your knees.

So, like, bend back and shut the door with your butt. Look down because your spine needs to be straight. And then the weight still needs to, like, rub down on your knees. And then you should feel it somewhere in here and then lift up. Oh. And then that lift up and yeah, kind of. I don't think that was good, but that's okay, Tony. I'm so, here's your weight back, Austin. Thank you. That's very heavy.

We should invest in lighter ones. Thank you so much for coming. Absolutely. Can I give you a hug? Of course. Absolutely. Thank you for coming out here. Of course. Drive safe and I can't wait to watch, listen to your podcast. I will. Absolutely. Thank you, guys.

What's your hope and dream in this world? What do you want to do? Well, I want to find love. That's really what I want to do. Willie, I can't help you. Work-wise, job-wise, job-wise. What do I want to do? Honestly, I want to be an Abercrombie and Fitch model. That's really what I want to do. What else do you want to do? Like if that doesn't work out for some weird reason? That doesn't work out? I possibly want to act. I feel like I could act really well.

Yeah, like your baby was just born. You're so happy. You're laughing. I'm so happy that I'm laughing that my child was born. My child came out a comedian. When she came out, she made me laugh. Your fiancé says she actually wants to get married tomorrow. Act like you're so happy and you can't wait. Why would I be happy about that? Really?

No, I'm just joking. I'm just joking. No, I don't believe in marriage. Why were you engaged before? I believed in marriage then. Not anymore. Not anymore. I think... All relationships should be a contract. Two years. That's what... Two years max. Then we renegotiate after the two years. What negotiation would you like? Like... Like, what are you negotiating?

Who picks up the kids and things like that? You have a kid. A single kid. How do you know there's not more? That's another thing. How many kids do you have? How many kids do I actually have? How many kids do I take care of or how many kids do I have? How many kids does he have, Jojo? I have one biological kid. I have four kids in total, but I have one biological.

What does that even mean? One that's mine. What happened to the other three? The other three, they're not mine. They're someone else's kids. Okay. You have one kid you have to worry about picking up. Yes, but that's what I'm saying. Why are you so worried? Just pick up your kid. But that would be in the negotiation of like how many kids like.

That would be in there. Like in the contract, like maybe maybe this term will have it like maybe this contract will have a child. See, like that's why you have to negotiate. And I feel like if it doesn't work out, then we just don't redo the contract. Whereas a divorce, you do a divorce and now I might have to pay you money. Don't make any sense to me. Interesting. But you don't want a wedding?

No, we could still have a wedding, but we just don't have to be officially married. Yeah, what do you think about that, Jojo? She loved the concept idea, like the contract idea, but now it's like you're putting her on the spot. Did she love that? Every two years, renegotiate a contract? I don't know where this is coming from. I think she's hearing all this for the first time. See, look. All right, now. Don't give her that look. All right. Come on. She's on contract right now.

Maybe we should pull up the contract. Let's see the contract.

okay no did was this job like an opening like to be an opening singer on your podcast or something it could be anything you really want it to be do you think you should maybe open for my podcast singing every time yeah how would that what would that look like Like I bring you to every single episode or. Yeah.

Like I come on every episode and I'm like the opening singer. Got it. So there's, you know, like you have like an opening and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I actually, I don't, I don't hate that idea. Yeah. So you're thinking, what song are you going to sing? You're going to make one for me, right? Yeah, I'll make one for you. Let's try that. They're really good. Okay. What are the lyrics? I think I gotta just think of some words. Yeah, that's a good idea. Any words? Really guy. Really guy.

I'm on the really good show. Really good. Misunderstood. Why am I misunderstood? No, like... People may think that, but I think you're great. Okay. I'm just wondering why you chose that word. Yeah. Misunderstood. Yeah. They think you're misunderstood, but I think you're great. Okay. So I was going to like add on like. Okay. I'll let you continue. Sorry. Yeah. Really good. Really good. I'm on the really.

Good show. Really good. Misunderstood. Show. Misunderstood. I don't know how to spell that, but... Okay. Follow it with what you would say. Why is that not true? It's not true. So, like, misunderstood. Again, we're going to say misunderstood. But she's great because I don't know. Because what? I do know that you're great.

Like she's great because I do know. Misunderstood, misunderstood, but she's great. Yeah. I feel like we need to add to that. I feel like people are still going to misunderstand me. Yeah. Or think about us. They like to judge. Oh, that's good. I like that one. They like to judge. They like to judge. They think they know. Okay, I like that too. But really deep.

down they don't you know okay yeah and then i say like welcome to the really good part you like walk out and then i say welcome okay yeah so how'd i do I mean, I love that song. Really good. Really good. I'm on the really good show. Misunderstood. Misunderstood. I kind of scribbled the rest out, but I think that we can replay it. Okay. Yeah, no, it was good. Okay. You'll be hearing back from my sister. Okay, how long? Probably whenever she does get around to it. She...

There's a lot of jobs for me, so I don't know. Sometimes she gets back immediately. Sometimes she sleeps on it for like six years. But hopefully for you, it's faster. I think that's a great addition to the show, though. And I actually don't hate it. Okay, yeah. So that's good news. Have a good day. Thank you. You too. Love you. I said I love you. Love you too. Thank you. Which guest was your favorite? Um, hmm.

And I'm one of the options for you to say. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know. Okay. Let me think. Well, there was some pretty nice ones. Uh-huh. Yeah. I'm telling you right now, I've had some pretty... Someone who's almost 33. Uh-huh. Me? No, someone. Oh, yeah, okay. You're not almost 33. No, I'm 29. What else did I put for her? I'll tell you the advice that they gave me so that you can kind of like...

See if you want to change your answer. Okay. The first person said I need a theme song for each podcast. Okay. Like a different theme song each podcast? No, like a theme song. I don't have one. I disagree. You do? Because I'd be tired of hearing it. Do you want to hear the lyrics to it? Oh, there's lyrics. Yeah, I do want to hear it. He wrote a theme song for me. Okay. Really good. I'm not really doing it in the... How'd she sing it?

I don't remember them. Really good. Really good. I'm on the really good show. Misunderstood. Misunderstood. But oh, I scribbled. Okay, I think that's great, actually. You should do that. You think that that should go every single time? You should just take that clip and play it before every podcast. Oh, me, not her version, just me? Yeah, don't add instruments or anything. Just do that. Yeah, no, I'm going to do that.

I'll tell her she's fired because you. You've never been on a date? No, never. Really? Never. I was going to go on a date. Okay. What happened? She blocked me.

How did they get to that point? I don't know if she just said you're chopped and then she just blocked me. What did you say before that? Okay, I... Yeah, I think we need more context. It was like, I was like, hey... I know we're friends and I shared homework with you. Oh, this was in high school. This was in high school. This was like two years back. That's the last time you talked to a girl. Yeah, pretty much. I mean, see, I know ball. You know what?

I know ball. Like, I'm a baller. Oh, you are. I'm a baller. How much money do you make? Well, the thing is, is I'm on the come up right now. Yeah. I'm a little in the negatives, but it's like work in process. How deep in the negatives are you? I checked my account. We're down like $770 today. $770 or $7.70? No, $700. Oh, my God. Okay. It's okay. This is a part of the investment. Got to invest. Is this bad for the job application? How does it look?

You think I'm getting the job or no? Well, I have $700 in debt the last time he had a girl was in high school, and I was like... You know what? You're really awkward. Do you want the job with me? Oh, no. Because it's like... That feels like something you wouldn't say. Oh, no, no, no, you're right. To someone who you're trying to work for. Oh, yeah, that's my mistake. That's okay. Well, I never even knew that this was a job interview. You did. No, I didn't.

Sorry, I'm getting a call from the president. So you don't even want to talk now? No, I'm talking to you. I'm not answering. How about this? I'll give you $5 if you show me that you got a call from the president. Actually, you know what? I won't give you $5. You don't have $5, Vardone. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I don't like that for you. I'll give you my left shoe. Those shoes look like they've been through some...

Yeah, they're hustler shoes. What's up with everybody saying stuff about my shoes, man? Who all said something? These are hustler shoes. Some girl last time she said, she said your shoes stink or something like that. Something along the lines. I didn't say that.

No, no, no. It wasn't only a girl. It's been people. But listen, this is a hustler's shoes. I'm happy for you. You're just saying you're going to sell them and I can have them. I'm just saying that might not be worth anything to me. That's okay. Then another guy who was $700 in debt. He told you that? Yeah. Do you think he was hoping that you would pay his debt? You know, it crossed my mind for a second. I was like, should I give him $700 right now? This feels really sad. And then I forgot. Oh.

So I didn't give him. I'm $1,000 in debt. Show me proof. He showed me proof. Oh, he showed you proof? No, he didn't. But I wouldn't. He did not show me proof. Yeah. But you have to. Okay. Because I don't believe you. Because I'm lying, so. Well, because his shoes look like he might. Oh. Wait, was it Fardan? Yeah. He's $700 in debt.

Why did you know his shoes? Is that how you knew? No, I was on a dating show that he was also on, and he talked about how his shoes suck on. No, I was on a dating show with him, and the girl roasted him for having bad shoes. So that must have stayed in his head, and he's just like... She's a traumatizer. I said it to him. Fuck. I didn't know that. Do you want to know what I said to him? What? He said that he would give me $5 for something, right? Uh-huh.

And then I was like, you don't have $500. You said you're $700 in debt. And then he said, okay, I'll give you my shoe. And I said, well, those don't look like they're worth anything. And I didn't know he had a shoe insecurity. Well, he walked into that, though, to offer to give you his shoes. That was the appropriate response. You're right. Yeah, right now I'm just, I'm working my three jobs. I'm 5'10". I didn't even know that was an option.

To be 5'10"? Yeah, I selected it when I got asked what it was, but I had to give up a few things for it, too. Did you? Yeah. I swear to God, 5'10 doesn't sound like a real height. Yeah, I had to give up being able to find pants in regular stores. That was the first thing. It's non-negotiable. Do you have a boyfriend? I have a little boo. Is he taller than you? He's 6'2". My minimum is 6 foot, but I really need to be at least 6'1".

Yeah, I could see that because you're already there. And a lot of people find that so offensive, but it's like, it's really my problem. It's not your problem. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one that selected 510. Yeah. So it's okay. That's okay. I think it's okay to have hate. Yeah. There's people who love short people. It doesn't have to be us.

And I'll even find you one. Like, I have friends, you know? Short people? Yeah, like, if I have a friend that's a short king, I'll find you a short queen. Yeah, you just don't. I'll help you out. We can be... Well, you're 5'10", too. That's very tall. Yeah. That's very, very tall. You're almost a great tall. Exactly. And if I put shoes on, like, there it is. Now I see why you're a runway model. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she's 5'10". She can pose and model.

You're doing great. I hope your Instagram blows up. Thank you. I hope in a year you have 4 billion followers. That's what I hope too. I just want to be able to take care of my family. That's all I really want. I feel like every relationship that works out and lasts long, you guys both have to cheat on each other. I disagree. I don't.

And I feel like the call is coming from inside the house. Lily, you're really exposing yourself today. I feel like you have to cheat to know if you really like the person. Oh my God, that is not true. I feel like they also have to cheat. Have you cheated on her? Off limits. I feel like they have to cheat for you. JoJo, do you have anything to say? I don't come down to none of that.

No, so is that what you want to happen in order to get back together fully? You want her to cheat on you? No comment. You want her to cheat on you? I feel like the person has to cheat on you. Because what if they cheat on you and you're not hurt? Then it's like, dang, I never really cared about you that much. I feel like there's so many steps you could take before that. I feel like those two, that has to happen. To figuring out if they like you.

I bet you if you ask any old couple that's been together 90 plus years, 80 years, they've all cheated on each other. At least once. Really? At least. I think you're exposing yourself right now. I said no comment. That's your assumption. Why would you say no comment if the answer is no? Well, that's like, that's like, yeah, I don't know. No comment. Okay, well, um...

I don't know if I've got any more questions for you. Is there anything you have? You have some cameras on you and this is going to get some people to watch it. Is there anything you want to? give to the world to make your dreams come true in life um if you're out there and if you dare try to find love on this though you're gonna die don't even fucking try that yeah think again

All right, can I get like three seconds then? Yeah. That's where I was going. Mom, me and JoJo, we're expecting to have a child. Are you serious? I know it's not what you want, but you're going to be a grandmother again. Jojo, are you expecting a child? You see how she believed it? And I'm a bad actor. I'm just saying. JoJo doesn't know how to feel about this.

And I think your mom actually wants you to have another kid. How did you go to Notre Dame and then end up? I got fired. From what job? It was an accounting job. What did you write fired from accounting job? Yeah, it was yeah, but it wasn't it was like no big thing by No, just kidding. Okay. What was the what was it actually? bad fit was the reason given. Because you're bald? Not only for the last six months I was there. Actually, maybe that was why. No.

It was complicated. I was a bad employee. That's mostly what you could say. I washed out of corporate life because it's terrible. Well, yeah, no, I can't think of anything else. I think it's safe to say you don't have the job, but my sister will be in touch with you. Okay. Yeah. Wait, what is this business? It's Bobby Incorporated. Yeah.

It's Bobby Incorporated. Okay, so what are we doing? Okay, let me figure this out. Let me hear. Let me think. So what do we got to do? Give me better advice, not stupid advice. What is this coffee for? Do you even drink this thing? It doesn't even look good. It's not good.

So why do you have it here? Why are you asking me so many questions when you're the person trying to get hired? I'm trying to think. I'm not the person with negative $700 in my account right now. Oh, we want to shoot shots now, huh? Well, I'm not the person that... I'm not the person that... Yeah, I don't even know. Yeah, you better be careful. Oh, fuck it. Just say whatever you must. Yeah, Vardon, I think you may potentially get the job because you're honest and I like honest people here. Okay.

Your attitude. No, I'm going to drop it. We're done. We're done. Well, I don't know. Say something nice. Okay. Yeah. Just end it on a nice note and then I'll hopefully be having my sister reach out to you. What is the brand? I'm trying to figure this all out. Okay. How are you going to say something nice when I answer that? No, no, no. I'm trying to figure this year. I'm trying to figure your company out. The brand is the really good.

That's it. I don't really have anything. I don't plan anything. I need somebody to lead the way without giving me bad advice. Okay. Well... You're really terrible at helping me think about good ideas. That's what your job is. You're supposed to come in here and you have the smarts. You're a streamer. You teach people things. So I'm just asking you to come in here and teach me something. Sickers.

stickers stickers i should have stickers bro i'm telling you watch so you're walking down let's say right okay and you see sticker you're going to search up where the stickers from you go around you just put stickers on people's houses okay and then and then slowly you build a community and

Of stickers? No, no, no. People are going to be like, what's the sticker propaganda going around? Oh, okay. This isn't a bad idea, Vardon. And then people are like, what are the stickers all about? And then they come back to you. Okay. What do the stickers say? It's just, what do they look like? Do you have a logo? I don't.

Just put your face on it. Take a picture right now. Just my face everywhere. I send them to fans and then they put the stickers everywhere. Just put it on someone's house. You don't even know them. It could be grandma or something. Just pass it out. Okay. I will. This is a great idea. Okay. They have a good day right on. Okay. So how is it? So I did good. 10, 10 out of 10. No, actually 10 out of 10. No way. Yeah. Lexi will be in touch with you. Sorry.

Are you going to be in touch? I don't even have her contact, though. She has yours, right on. You have my contact? She has yours, right on. I need my contact. Is that some, like, you got some ghost shit going on? I don't know, I don't know. Do you guys, like...

How do you have my contact, though? Like, how would you? Okay. Yeah, don't worry about it. See, that's... Don't worry about it, Verdun. Okay. You want the job. You got to stop worrying so much about so many things. We love you. Okay. We love you. I love you. I don't love you. Okay. I don't even know you. I love you. Well, I'm kidding. I'm sorry. That's rude. Is that rude? Yeah, no, that's a little rude. I'm sorry. I wrote I love you on here. Can I? Yeah.

Handshake? Yeah, love you. Okay. Have a good day. I would hug you, but I've wore this shirt like four days in a row. Okay, next time. I'd probably not want to do that, you know? I'd be a little frustrated. But I just really like this shirt, you know? It's a good shirt. And honestly, the laundry doesn't even work, too.

So it makes me, like, upset because, like, recently our laundry broke, too. I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm like, bro, what are we going to do? You know what I mean? So, like, you tell me what I'm going to do. I mean, hey, yeah. So I got the job. I'm done. I'm going. I'm on my way out. I love you back. Thank you. I love you too.

Thank you. I hope I actually did good. No, I'm being serious because this is my first time doing like awkward shit, you know? So this is like I'm going to be completely transparent. This is awkward as hell. You did great. You're awkward.

Like I don't even want to, you seem like a great person, great individual, but you're just mad awkward. I'm aware. It's the truth. The truth's the truth. Thank you for coming today. We actually do appreciate it. Hey, but I appreciate you. Thank you for coming. Thank you. I wouldn't want to do that. Thanks for your time. No, thank you. My sister will probably be in touch with you. About what? If you got the job or not. There's a job?

What do you mean? I don't think. Yeah, you're applying for a job at my company. I went to business school. At Notre Dame. I love you. Love you too.

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