The Exhaustion of ALWAYS Doing the ‘Right Thing’

You are exhausted, right? Not physically though. That happens too.

I am talking soul tired, bone deep, mentally drained from being the responsible one, being the self aware one, the overthinking one, the woman who always does the right thing, even when it costs you your peace, your power, or your presence. Now, I know that you did not come here or chase the dream that you were chasing to break from right. You came here to break free. And in this episode, I am going to give you the roadmap back to yourself.

Today, I am going to walk you through the radical release method, which is a three part framework to help you stop leaking your energy through perfectionism, pressure and people pleasing. Instead, I want you to reclaim the magnetic, unbothered, deeply rooted woman that you came here to be. So I need you to stay until the end of this episode because I am going to give you the single mindset reframe that most high performing women miss. And this is going to shift a lot of things for you.

So let's just call this what it is, right? It is performing morality, right? So many women are spiritually and emotionally dehydrated because they are constantly trying to earn their worthiness through doing what they believe to be right. The right moves, the right choice, right? We convince ourselves that we will feel better when we finally do everything perfectly. When we say yes, when we mean no, right? We apologize for the tone of our voice. We shrink to avoid being misunderstood.

We clean up messes that we didn't even make. All because it's like being seen as good, doing the right thing. But I really think that doing the right thing isn't the same as doing the true thing. When you are obsessed with being right, you are not free. You are in a performance loop, right? And that is like. That is the lie of the right, right? We need to bring that to our awareness and understand what that actually means.

The second thing is the radical release method. Okay? This has like three phases inside of it. The first phase is the pause. The second phase is the permission and. And the third phase is the power. So in the pause, this is where you reclaim your power, right? This is where you stop. You stop editing. You stop over explaining. You stop managing other people's emotions, right? You let the moment be uncomfortable without rushing to fix it.

You realize that your job is to live honestly, not in shrinking yourself because you feel like if you were a good person, you would show up and do X, Y and Z, right? Sometimes, like there is so much power and saying no to the right things so that you can make more space for the right things, right? So saying no to the right things brings more right things. Now let me break this down.

Your energy is probably leaking because you're saying yes to all of these different things that you should be doing because society framed it that way, right? Somebody made you feel guilty once if you didn't do it, and you felt responsible because you had the capacity to show up in that moment. But just, you know, that's leaking energy, right? Just because you have the capacity to do that thing doesn't mean you're responsible for doing it, right? So I think the pause is the stop, right?

It's where you just start having awareness and you realize that you have to start saying no. And then this brings me to the number two, the permission, right? You give yourself permission to disappoint people. You give yourself permission to rest when you need it, because you can't pour from an empty cup. You can't overflow in your coaching containers, in your business, in your content, in your podcast, in your YouTube channel, anywhere that you are showing up for others right now.

You can't do what you were made to do if you are constantly giving your power away, leaking it and doing things that you think you should do that aren't actually moving the needle, right? The more you can hold your power and the more you can give yourself permission to disappoint others because of their false expectations instead of having. When you give yourself permission to disappoint other people, you give people permission to rise up to your standard.

And you will find the people who are willing to rise to your standard or the people who are going to shrink a bold and disappear from your life, right? The entrepreneur journey can be very, very lonely at times because you can end up in this phase where the people who were a part of your life are not necessarily the people who are meant to be in it. They. Your. Your growth makes them uncomfortable. You can feel that inside of their energy, but they pretend like it's nothing and then they try.

And subconsciously, even though they're rooting for you, subconsciously, they can pull you back down and shrink you even though they want the best for you. Right? So you have to be aware of where and who and what you're giving your time and energy to, right? This could even be the wrong cl.

In your containers, you could have clients who like, were in alignment with you five or six months ago, and now you're moving at a different pace and those clients don't keep up with you and where you're at and they start you know, they keep talking about the same things. They're stuck in stagnation. And so you either have to rise as a coach or a consultant and, you know, show up and show them what sales leadership looks like and, you know, call your clients to rise up as well, right?

So it's not just the people in your everyday life. It's all so the people that you're serving, right? Don't conform to their comfort zone. Either drop them as a client if they don't have the capacity, or give them the opportunity to rise, right? Sometimes we have to be put under pressure to create that whole diamond effect, right? So give yourself permission to be misunderstood, to be too much and not enough at the same time.

This is about unlocking and unhooking from your own internal judgment, right? Because you let old rules burn now. So this is also really powerful because if you are embodying the idea of all these other people having these perceptions, that's also like some of the gap in the awareness of where your internal work is required, right? Because if you are internally conceptualizing this judgment of what other people are thinking, it's usually coming from your own insecurity, right?

And that's why you want to just give yourself permission to live your truth and to fully understand that Sometimes it's really uncomfortable in that in between season where you have to kind of stay silent and hold your energy and see what's going to happen and how other people are going to move. But that's just part of it, right? I talk about holding the energy. I talk about increasing your capacity. I talk about these things a lot because they're really important.

And if you can hold your energy, if you can hold your power, because if you can decide that you rather be an overflow than somebody who conforms, right, then this is your permission to say no to the things that you have to say no to. This is your permission to no longer accept the things that are beneath you. This is your permission to literally get rid of the toxicity, the patterns, the people, the behaviors. Like, especially if you have communicated your needs to somebody and they are not.

They're not changing, right? They're not doing the things that are required in order for them to meet not so much your expectations of others because you've done the internal work, but if people around you are not willing to rise up or take the action or they can't confront their own emotions, they can't face their own reality, and they're working through their own demons, sometimes there's like a silence period.

Where you just have to go and do your own thing and that person can do their own thing. And you know, whatever it is, sometimes it's family. You know, different things and dynamics can happen in business.

And I think with family it could be really difficult and challenging because as you evolve, as you become more emotionally intelligent, as you become more consciously aware, if other people lack the same awareness and consciousness that you do, then there's just a very big disconnect and you can feel like you're living Groundhog Day with certain people who maybe don't move as fast as you do, right? If you're a high performer, you're probably suffering with this.

So I mean, just give, give yourself permission to hold space for the silence. Give yourself permission to hold space for what is actually meant for you and break the pattern. And the cycle of like shrinking yourself and being the bigger person, being the people pleaser, like all of that is the reason why you don't have the things that you want up to this point, right?

So I'm going to go into step three now. I can spend too much time on that. But number three is your power, right? And this is where it's all going to kind of click for you. So your power is no longer in the hustle, it's in your alignment. It's in your self trust, right? So this is when you stop outsourcing your value and you start honoring your own emotional truth, right?

So your own emotional truth is like, here's where I'm at, these are the things that are going to work for me and for where I'm headed. Do you match in alignment with this? If it's a no, you don't shrink yourself to make it work, right? You remove the obstacle in front of you after you had a real conversation about it. And you know, you decided that this might not be the right move for you to make long term because your goals and your desires are in a different direction.

And there is nothing wrong with that, right? There's nothing wrong with taking space, taking time. There's nothing wrong with saying no to the things that you have to say no to. So let's just take a moment and step into this visual. Okay? Let's say you're sitting by a still pond, right? The air is nice and warm, your life is nice and quiet. And then there's like this little frog and it's in the corner and it catches your attention and it's not rushing, right?

It's not pretending, it just simply is, right? It can swim in very, very Deep water. And it could leap without hesitation and it can sing without shame, right? That frog isn't wondering about what all these other frogs are thinking. It's not concerned with these other frogs thinking that it's likable. It's not like leaving this bug aside so that this other frog can have it. It lives from instinct, not image, right? And that frog, that is your mirror, right?

Because you too have swam into deep waters, you have jumped into high places, you have leaped and you have your own song to sing, words to speak, message to share. But you can't do that if you are clinging to perfection, if you are overexerting for praise, if you are constantly saying like, did I do this the right way? Did I show up fully for these people? Like, should I just say sorry and forget it and just brush it under the rug? Like, no, that's not healthy, right?

That is not holding your standard. So. So you have to hold the standard not just in your business, not just in your content, not just in the gym, in your food. And this. You have to hold it in your relationships, you have to hold it in your client meetings, you have to hold it in your, you know, personal life, all of the different areas, right? So if you were anything like some of my clients, you have built an entire empire on being reliable.

You're the go to woman, the strong one, the one who doesn't ever fall apart because you have been hit so many times that it's just resilience is in you now. There is no other. No other options, right? But behind the curated confidence is a woman who is deeply tired of carrying it. All, right? And the more you force yourself to be the fixer, the further you push yourself away from the freedom that you actually want. You are not here to fix things, right? You are here to feel.

You are here to trust your own instinct. And that takes unlearning, that takes sitting in the uncomfortable. That takes holding your power and holding your energy and increasing your capacity to hold it, even when you question if you're making the right decision. Because that people pleaser in you, that person who's always trying to do the right thing, right? That person who wants to show up as the best version of themselves will often try and shrink back and take it back.

Or there's different things and you have to get very comfortable in increasing your capacity, holding the power and being comfortable with that discomfort until your nervous system re regulates and you can adjust and move the way that you actually desire to write. Because the pressure to be perfect isn't just internal, it's cultural, it's generational, it's ancestral, right? But it ends with you because you're not just healing for you, you are healing forward. So let me ask you this.

Where in your life are you performing instead of really living it right now? What is the measuring stick that you're using for that too? Because you should have like a full body, like heart, energy, open experience for every moment of your life, right? There's no reason. Yes, we get punched in the face by life so that we can become who we need to be. But if you can learn to be grateful in the darkness for the darkness and not just the things that it brings you after, right?

Like if you can be, if you can increase your capacity to the point where you're getting punched in the face by life and you've got this lesson to learn and you're just like, give me the awareness that I need. Show me what I'm not seeing. And you just ask to be carried out of it, right? Like I think having a better prayer have asking better questions, right? We can. I. I was talking about this in our group coaching call this morning.

We do a call in the collective every Thursday morning at 10am today. It was a really good session. We talked all about capacity and you know, we were talking about asking better questions and being able to find your way through and navigate out of things as quickly as possible, right? Like where is your thermostat setting? Where is your identity, right?

Because as an entrepreneur, as maybe just a human, I don't know, I feel like been an entrepreneur too long, I don't even know the difference anymore. But like, as an entrepreneur, you have to be able to consistently wake up every single day and like, say, I don't care who I was yesterday or all of the negative thoughts, all of the things like, you are not coming with me today, right?

And if you're somebody who's a really high achiever and you evolve at a very fast pace and I feel like, you know, the person I was last week is not who I am today. Like every single day.

I feel like we learn and we grow and we evolve and we expand so much that it feels like there's always this disconnect between who I was yesterday and who I am today. And I've gotten in the habit of every morning just like, this is who I am, this is reality for me. Here's who I am. Who, here's how I'm going to show up. This is my multi, you know, six figure, monthly version of Myself, this is how I feel this person operates.

I'm going to show up at this level and I'm going to win the heck out of this day. Right? And so eventually you realize that you will get punched in the face for the rest of your life. It's about being able to hold your capacity and show up anyways, right? So being an entrepreneur, having the money that you want, hitting your income goals is not, not people pleasing and shrinking and conforming and trying to do the right thing all the time. Because that's not that, that's a power leaking, right?

That is not holding your energy at all. So where are you performing instead of living? Have really honest conversations with yourself. Like almost every Saturday I'm like, with my journal I'm looking at, you know, how did this week go? What could we do to shift things around and move around so that next week works better for me? Like that could be everything from as small as like, what time are we working out, what time are we moving, what days are we creating our social media content?

Like even looking at the days and the tasks that my team is doing, right? Like this is more productive if we get things done this way and we move this way. And like how are you managing your time right now? What are you doing with your schedule? Right? So it's also not just showing up for yourself, but showing up for your team, showing up for those people and giving them the tools that they need to be more productive as well, right?

Because it's not just about you and being able to bring your business to multi. Six figure, five figure months has the capacity to. You definitely need other people, right? You need other resources. So if you want to be posting on multiple channels, if you want to take your business to the next level, those are things that you have to get your energy in alignment with.

Because right now you feel like you're not enough, but you're just doing the wrong things and you keep saying yes to shit you hate, right? Or you built a business based off of what you see other people doing and so you're just kind of doing that. I think the first year of business is like I am opening the doors to try and figure out what I really want to do in my business, right?

Because you don't know until you actually operate your business, do your business and like have the day to day stuff happening as to what the final product is going to be, right? And contrast is great. Because when you do a lot of things really quickly and test them out, you can define what you don't Want to do much faster, which will lead you down to figuring out exactly what you do want to do. Right? So overthinking sounds like, who is my icp? What am I put in my dms?

How do I make this post convert? Right. Those are many questions for the present moment. 3D in reality, that is in front of you that you're trying to manipulate and change, Right. As opposed to thinking like somebody who's going to be in business for the next 10, 20, 30 years. Right. You want to build a scalable business model that makes sense when you retire or that isn't exchanging your time for money or that you don't have to change in five years from now. Right.

You have to look at the big picture. So the second thing I want you to ask yourself is, where are you shrinking to keep the peace? And this is a really difficult one, right? Because if it is something like shrinking when it comes to family, right? Like some. Sometimes, you know, for me, I'm a really healthy eater. I don't really drink alcohol. Maybe once a year I'll have a glass of wine out at dinner or something like that, but it's not really my personality or my thing.

So going and eating a bunch of gluten or cake or sugar, Like, I don't even. I haven't eaten sugar in eight years, Right. And I feel like there's certain people in my life who are like, let's eat this big turkey, let's have this, let's eat that. Like, and if they don't respect who you are and the boundaries and make space for your desires. Are you shrinking to keep the peace in certain areas of your life? Right.

Like it could be something as small as that or where you keep showing up and making space when you rather be working on your business and doing things that are moving the needle and that are productive instead of, you know, sitting and drinking and eating and like having all of these, like, family events or whatever, you know, like, those things really matter to some people and it's really, really awesome that it does. But other people, it's just like, this isn't on my priority list.

This isn't a value alignment match. This is violating my boundaries. This is, you know, it's affecting my core values. That's the word I'm looking for. So if there is certain values and certain things that are in alignment for you, do not shrink to meet people where they're at. Right? Like value. Don't judge other people. What, what is important for them is amazing. And I'm so happy that they know what makes them happy. But I also know it makes me happy.

And so it's consistently like going through and recalibrating and understanding and, you know, not shrinking your values to fit the needs of other people. And if those people don't accept that, then that's their own problem because you can still accept other people and not play by their rules, right? So that's really important. And having a non circumstantial identity where you're not conforming, you're not shrinking, you're not performing, you're not draining.

And that brings me to the next question. Where are you drained from trying to control other people's perceptions, right? Like if you're always trying to do the right thing. For me, it was a lot of like, oh, I need to be a really good daughter. And I always felt an additional pressure because my brother died, right? And so I felt like once he died there was a lot of, well, clinging to me and this obligation to show up and like fill this gap that might have been needed for other people.

And for a long time it kept me from moving away to a new country or to somewhere tropical, if you don't already know. I live in Canada, in a very small town where it's still like we're in the middle of May or almost in the middle. And it was like minus two overnight. And I have my heat on, like that's not normal I'm feeling. Why would anyone ever choose to live in that, right? So I stayed and I shrunk myself instead of doing the things that I actually wanted to do because I felt bad.

And so I was drained, I was shrinking, I was performing, I was people pleasing, which made me resentful. And then I was trying to control other people's perceptions, my own perceptions. And I was holding all these plates up and drowning and losing myself because I was not doing the things that were in alignment for myself personally. And it wasn't until I said, I am not giving my power away to anybody anymore.

And I am going to hold my own energy and do the things that are actually going to make me happy and I am going to stop living the life that somebody else might want for me instead of doing what is actually going to make me happy. And it's like, what would happen if you stop shrinking, right? Like, who would you become if you stop. Stop saying yes to a bunch of shit you hated? Who would you become if you stopped playing small?

Who would you become if there was no obstacle inside of your way, right? This isn't about being like rude or reckless or you know, pushing people to the side or being selfish, it's not any of that. But we can get into an internal dialogue about what that all feels like. And you can, especially if you were like a people pleaser or somebody who was always trying to like make sure. Because other people might not have been emotionally responsible around you.

And if you're listening to this and you're a part of my world, it's probably because you've been exposed to trauma or you've had really shitty generational conditioning, you probably got dealt a really shitty hand, right? Because if you resonate and you have self worth issues, if you feel like you're a people pleaser, like I went through that, I get it, I understand where you're coming from with us, right? So you have to understand. And it's like removing your internal judgment, right?

Like when you can stop judging yourself for wanting what you want and you allow it. That's when you stop trying to like force things. That's when you can collapse timelines. That's when you can literally just become a magnet for your life. That's when you think things, you get excited, excited about them and you feel like your soul is like unlocked and on fire because you're finally doing what you wanted to be doing for so long, right? And that's often what happens.

You go into business and you start, you know, seeing what all these other people are doing and you hear how this should look and how this should be and you make the assumption that because you haven't ever owned a company before and that you're a new business owner, that you have all of this stuff that you have to like figure out or go through. When in reality, if you started your business and you put blinders on and you just went after what you knew in your heart, that that was the thing.

Because it's all going within, right? Your thoughts create your reality, your. It's all an internal game. So your perception is creating everything. So if you start allowing all these things outside, outside of you as you're trying to find the blueprint or the, the thing that you really, really want outside of this, right? As you keep looking out there, you have to give yourself permission to be soft and strong, to rest and rise, to be wise without needing to be anyone else's savior, right?

Like if you can show up and be a good self leader, your job is to show others what that looks like, be the example, right? Don't shrink to somebody else's level. Don't don't do any of it. I don't know what else to tell you. Just. Honestly, my goal with this podcast episode for you here today is for you to have permission to walk in your truth. Permission to say no. Permission to stop trying to always make everything right and start making moves that make you excited. Excited, right?

Like, make moves that. You know, I mentioned this earlier. That, like, heart, crack open your heart, energy pouring out. This, like, full wholeness feeling should be present as you move, right? When you know why you're doing what you're doing and you have that full body alignment and wholeness, you end up on a full supply of energy that never runs dry because you are living water, right?

So if you feel like you have a few holes inside of your cup, like, duct tape will work, but you'll probably still leak out and have to fix it again. So this time, don't do what you've always done. Don't just listen to this, think about it, get in your head two minutes later, and then, you know, tell yourself that you know better and this isn't right or blah, blah, blah, blah. Or maybe it works for her, but not me.

Like, stop with any of those stories and literally just give yourself all of the things that you want because you're so worthy of having it. And your life, your heart, your energy, your. Everything is going to change when you do that. And so the powerful reframe that I mentioned earlier, the one thing I want you to take away is that you don't have to keep doing the right thing.

You have to do the real thing. And that is where your power lives. That is where your peace begins, and that is who you were really meant to be.