How Unhealed Wounds Create Over Giving in Your Offers

When you are exposed to trauma or you've been hurt or lied to, or you are just not loved the way that you are supposed to be because you were exposed to people who did not have the capacity to show up for themselves, never mind you, you become responsible for over giving and over compensating to try and fill the void and the gap and to receive the love that you are seeking, right? You become responsible for being the parent far younger than you need to be.

And so you can enter this pattern of evaluating other people's states or levels of consciousness and you can tell pretty quickly after a while of doing this where people are at and if they have the capacity to show up. And then you adjust yourself to meet the three dimensional reality in front of you, right? And this is often a very selfish relationship and very unhealthy dynamics. And this is also where you develop a circumstantial identity, right?

Because when you decide that you're gonna shift who you are to match those people or the trauma or the exposure to not stir the pot or, you know, anything like that, you end up becoming somebody who says it's okay for me to self abandon and adapt and restructure and become this other person to meet this person's needs, right? But the problem with that is that your needs are never becoming met by that.

And people will ignore you or not respond because they lack the ability to show up to the room fully. They're battling with their own internal dialogue and it says it's okay for me to do whatever I want or oh, I'll just get to this later. And they don't even have the capacity to think about it or the conscious awareness even see what they're doing, right? People who reply your DM 2 months later like it's nothing aren't potential clients.

Those are direct check engine lights that those people usually can't leave themselves. And there's a much bigger issue why they're avoiding their inbox. So no, you don't want to go and say, oh, this person's back in business, maybe they're ready to work with me and that's why they messaged me today, right?

That's having a circumstantial identity instead of having a conscious awareness of a level of emotional availability within that conversation. So I think when people who are not emotionally available, they have very toxic patterns and behavioral patterns and they will often take advantage of your kindness. And if your identity is circumstantial or you have not healed from the wounds, you will end up in Very unhealthy dynamics.

Either way, you were abandoned by others and now you abandon yourself. So when you abandon yourself, you start trying to make things happen because you don't believe that you currently have what it takes in order to make it happen, right? So you believe that you have to effort your way through it because it's the only thing that you were ever taught, that you had to take massive action in order to receive an outcome from other people.

That the only way for you to get what you want is to work 60 hours a week or you won't make it because somebody on the Internet said that, right? You will believe other people's advice instead of trusting your own intuition. You will, you will look for a blueprint and others. You will see what is working for this person. You will copy their tactics, you'll read their book and you'll say like, oh, I know everything now.

And just because that worked for somebody else and they maybe have evidence of making 50 million, 100 million, 2 million, whatever kind of millions of dollars. Just because that evidence is present doesn't mean that your internal gut instinct is wrong, right? And that's where having that circumstantial identity where you're like, oh, this person said this.

So I'm going to self abandon all of my beliefs and embody what this other person is doing because they must know something better than me, because I'm not worthy enough, because somebody didn't love you properly, right? So this is the unconscious pattern and dynamics that might be playing out inside of your business right now. And until you make the unconscious patterns of your life conscious, you will continue living in a Groundhog Day cycle that will feel much heavier than it needs to, right?

But that's not how you operate from a place of power. That's how you become a person. That's not how you become the person required for your next level.

So this episode is about your offers and over giving. But when you don't value yourself enough, when your identity is circumstantial, that is when you will consistently feel the need to over explain in your offers. You will feel like you need a very long launch cycle to acquire the amount of people that you need to fill it up so that it feels worth doing it. If it's a mastermind or something like that, let's say, or a webinar, right?

You will tell people the length of every module in your program, you'll tell them the value and tell people why they should buy all of these things. You'll feel like you need to give away whatever free amount of bonuses just to make it the sale. When in reality you are still just attaching your value to the outcome. But in my world we move beyond outcomes because it's not about the money or anything outside of us.

It is an internal game that we are playing and the money flows to me because I'm an energetic match to the things that I want and I lead myself powerfully every single day because I'm not giving my power away, the negative people or thoughts. I'm not creating offers for an audience of people that don't move, right? Like so many people create for the people that they see in front of them.

They'll look at their profiles, they'll look at, you know, Sally and Bob and sue and Mark and whoever else that keeps looking at their content every day and liking their posts and they'll start creating content for those people. But they don't buy from you, right? So stop creating content for people who don't buy from you. Upgrade your audience. Like honestly, people who bought from me I didn't even know, followed me or looked at my content.

I've had people who have never even liked anything and they were my highest paying clients. So you just have to see most people as well who can afford to work with you. They're super busy, right? Like I am not spending my time commenting on LinkedIn for multiple hours a day, running a successful business and managing a team, right?

Like I have other people and automation platforms have used AI technology in order to do those things for me because I value my time and I'm not going to spend it doing that. You want to be rooted in your identity. You want to be calling in what's in alignment for you. And the only thing that you should ever be available for are your core values and your boundaries. And if your audience doesn't meet those, then it's a no brainer, right?

If the relationship doesn't meet your core values or your boundaries, it's. It's a no brainer and you don't need it, right?

So even when it comes to clients, right? And how you vet your audience, if people are not necessarily, they take a long time to think about it, they're not ready to move right away. Like on my application form and says if you are not ready to buy and your level on a scale from 1 to 10 isn't an 8, we're not even going to contact you because I don't want to. I'm not wasting my time when people aren't with like ready to take action.

You're either ready to make an investment and change your life or you're going to sit inside a complacency in your comfort zone and keep consuming free content and pretending that it's working instead of, you know, living up to your full potential. I dropped two clients from my world yesterday because my prices increase and they were with me for maybe six months prior to that. They're getting their own clients now, all of the things they can post by themselves.

All of they have everything that they need to be successful now. But I was no longer available for something that was not meant to come with me into my next level. I also changed my containers and I sent upgrades to the other people in my world. And I'm like, I'm totally fine and people don't want to pay this because I'm making room for the people who can, right? And my work is here for what I'm in alignment for. And I'm not here to babysit a client that isn't ready for their next level. Right?

I'm not creating offers out of fear or anxiety or insecurity or I hope this works, energy, trying to craft some perfect irresistible offer. I am being myself because I know that I'm the magnet and I am attracting what I want into my life because I am the prize. I'm already chosen. It's not about trying to find the perfect strategy, right? Your strategy is not the answer that you're looking for.

Being able to have such a powerful, strong self, love, self, trust that you are no longer available for anything that doesn't meet the standard of what your core values are and what your boundaries are, is how you stop over giving and creating from trauma wounds instead of building from power. And until you make the unconscious conscious, you will stay in the cycle.

So my advice for you, if you are creating things from, if you're afraid to increase your prices because you don't think that your client is going to be able to afford to stay or something like that. Like that is you giving your power away to other people and circumstances. That is you being the little kid who's checking in on people's moods and seeing how they are and then making your decisions, right?

Because you never felt safe to do so or to speak or be how you want it to be because other people were unavailable to receive your power and energy.

But you are not available for anything less than what you deserve. So the only thing I have left to say here is that my hope for you is that you learn how to love yourself. And respect yourself and value yourself to a point where your identity does become non circumstantial and you are no longer seeing what the 3D is and then shifting based off of that. I want you to understand that you are all you need is. Everything's inside of you, okay?

And you cannot scale beyond yourself if you can't go within yourself.

Okay? That is the only way this is gonna happen for you. So if you are somebody who is listening to this episode and you're feeling like I'm definitely creating from broken wounds, I can see these unconscious patterns that you're talking about, and you want to go deeper into this work, there is an application form for you to fill out to work with me. And like I said, if you're not at least an 8 ready to make an investment, then don't even bother applying because we will not reach out to you.

But I hope that you got a lot of awareness today and that you can kind of see how some of these dynamics might be playing out in your business. And this is going way beyond just offers, right? It's how you show up in a meeting. It's how much you can stretch your clients. It's. It's a lot of different things. And so all I want you to do is to just love yourself enough to give yourself permission to say no to everything that's not meant to come with you into your next level.