Welcome to The Real Mom's Playbook, the movement where we elevate your life. Brought to you by our premier sponsor, Earthley Wellness. In season two, we build onward from the intentional transformation to conquer the chaos, live in alignment, and build systems that work. So grab a notebook and let's get going.
Welcome back to The Real Mom's Playbook. I'm your host, Lisa Autry.
At certain times in our life, we are hit with curve balls that honestly don't make any sense whatsoever. They leave us feeling helpless, hopeless, and confused.
But if we let it, it can also be a dose of perspective our life needs in order to pave the way for our own greatness.
Today's podcast is a story on perspective, and I hope you'll ask the question of how can I take this perspective and apply these questions to my life and this scenario to my life?
I want to help you seek clarity, comfort, and calm in times of the unknown. And it can be really hard to feel calm and at peace when everything feels out of control, and that is very normal. But I'm going to teach you how to have a perspective shift and the mindset shifts you can make and the actual shifts in your physical space you can make today in order to pave the way for your greatness.
Before we dive into the story, let's thank our premier sponsor, Earthley Wellness. The founder Kate, is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to holistic living. Today I'm also going to be linking her Facebook so you can learn more from her and make sure you use the code, Diaries at checkout for 10% off your first order from Earthley Wellness.
Perspective, something we often ignore in the course of life.
Jordan Peterson, a man whom I deeply admire, says, "Accept the terrible responsibility of life with eyes wide open."
Eyes wide open. That's perspective. God has granted me some perspective in these last few weeks.
I'm 35 weeks today and a couple of weeks ago, I actually fell. I was trotting back from the mail in the rain, and this is the most rain we have ever gotten in the Central Valley in California and I was trotting back from the mail and I slipped and fell on an uneven piece of the cement.
I broke and dislocated in two places the index finger on my writing hand, I fell on my stomach, I hit my face, I had a concussion. I was really, really messed up. I was very fortunate that my husband was home at the time. He immediately rushed me to the hospital. And I spent the next six hours there being monitored, making sure my son was okay, and resetting my finger and figuring out what we were going to do because I had cracked it down the knuckle.
And you know, it really upset me, obviously, right, to not be upset, you'd be like, what? Seriously? But it really upset me because these are my final weeks of my final pregnancy. I was really going to take them with grace and beauty and calm, and here I literally did something so silly. I face planted on the cement and hurt myself to where I couldn't be the person I wanted to be in these final weeks.
I've needed a lot of help, you know, even from getting dressed, doing my hair, I can't do some simple tasks, certain cleaning and cooking and everything because I only have one hand. As time goes on, I'm having more use of the hand, but I still have a broken finger and it's really made me think about, okay, what tone do I need to set with my life in order to still have this perspective shift?
And so I was really upset the day it happened and they told me, okay, you know, you need to go see this hand surgeon. So I went and saw the hand surgeon that Monday, so I fell on Friday. That Monday I went and saw the hand surgeon and they told me, they were like, you have to have surgery. You've gotta have surgery.
It's a very bad break. And I'm like, okay, well when can I do this? I'm due in four weeks. And they're like, oh yeah, we can't wait four weeks. And so I'm like, well, look at me, I'm very pregnant. And so we kind of came up with the game plan, putting me under was not a great solution to them. So they thought, okay, well, we'll do this surgery awake and we'll put a block in your shoulder.
So that was the plan.
So what happened is when I fell, I hit my stomach. Luckily he was okay and I was very blessed that he was okay. Where I hit my stomach, his hands and feet were, it was not where his head or body was. So I felt so thankful for that, but it kicked up my labor, like my contractions are two to three minutes apart.
And so then the hand surgeon found this out, he's like, we can't do this outpatient. We have to do this in a hospital. We have to be as safe as possible. So my surgery was scheduled for the Friday. I met him on Monday, the surgery was scheduled for Friday.
Went in with my husband, all prepped and ready to go. Very nervous thinking about doing a hand surgery awake was not optimal, but I wanted to be safest for my son. And I'm like, I can grin and bear it.
And so we were in the OR triage area and then they checked me. And the on-call ob, even though my OB had cleared it that morning, I even met with him the morning of surgery, he's like, yep, you can do this. Just don't lay on your back during the procedure. I'm like, okay, no problem.
Well, the on-call ob, got a hold of me, checked me and was like, there is no way this surgery is happening today. I'm like, why? She said, you are way too far into labor now and it is way too dangerous.
No one is going to work on you. And I was like, what? So we were in the OR triage, they immediately shipped us over to Labor and delivery triage and monitored me for several hours.
At the time, I was 34 weeks. My husband was so mad, he was like, I could not believe that they're not going to do your surgery.
So we sat there all day long. They checked me again and then it started to really kick in my labor, you know, trauma in that area can kick in labor. And they gave me a shot of steroids and sent me on my way. Because I said, Hey, you're either going to deliver a baby or you're going to do my hand surgery.
And they said, well, we're going to do neither. So I said, let me go home and be with my babies because this is my third delivery, I know what's going to have to send me back.
So unfortunately, I got home and since then we're almost a week post, I'm in pretty active labor, but I'm just waiting for the final cue of the water breaking to go back because I have all the other signs, and so I'm just waiting for that and I'm 35 weeks today as I record this, and so I'm getting closer.
I'm feeling safer about him.
But it was kind of funny because I was like, man, what a circus. Nothing got accomplished. I mean, I wasn't upset that I didn't have to do this surgery, but he even said, he's like, let's try for next week. And I said, there's no way, I'm going to be farther into labor at that point.
So I said, let's table it. We still are meeting with him. He's doing x-rays to see how it's healing.
But it was interesting because, I was feeling very down that night. I'm like, wow, this is a real big bummer. And I got reached out by a friend and she was like, Hey, I want you to know that I think everything happens for a reason and maybe God was trying to spare you the pain because he knew you couldn't take pain medication, he knew you would have to do the surgery awake and have to just kind of grin and bear the whole healing process, and he knew you were going to be taking care of a baby very soon. Maybe he spared you for that now.
And you know, that took me back for a moment because it's so easy to be like, woe is me, why isn't life working out the way I desire it to work out?
And it's all out of our hands. We have no control. I tried while I was there, even the surgeon came and saw me and he said, Hey, the on-call OB is overriding me, she has to call the shots. I cannot do this surgery. Because I said, let's do the surgery. I tried my hardest. I said, let's get this done.
And he was just like, I'm sorry, I can't, she's, she was calling the final shots. And so, you know, that perspective shift made me realize everything's going to be okay, everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to work out. There was a reason I was not supposed to get that surgery on Friday.
And that reason sometimes we don't know what it is at the certain time in life, right?
You may be facing something very horrible right now, the greatest hurdle that maybe you have ever faced in your life, and you're like, how am I going to survive this? How am I going to conquer this?
And think about who is in charge. You aren't in charge. You can handle what's within your control. Sometimes how life plays out is out of our control and we have to seek peace with that.
And God really granted me that perspective to say, Hey, you're not in control, but you can set the tone. And so I've slowed everything down in my life. My business is still running. We're taking everything nice and slow. We're looking at what shifts we need to make in action, and that's okay. We're still nurturing the tribe and we're still showing up there.
We've adjusted some one-on-one clients, but it's been no big deal and things are still moving. I'm still homeschooling and I'm actually getting pretty dang good at writing with my right hand.
Luckily I was born with the ability to be ambidextrous, but I've really had to tap into that. My right hand handwriting has not ever been good, and so I'm really having to practice it and it's something that, you know, you just kind of have to laugh through.
Is this a life or death situation? No, it's a finger. It's my index finger. It's not that big of a deal. But at the time, you know, that was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me. Wondering if my son was going to be okay.
Now, it's life feels very up in the air. When is he coming?
Every day, I'm like, well, I feel like today is going to be the day and I'm holding him in another day. Another day. But it's not my timing and I need to have that in perspective.
Just like whatever you're going through right now, have that perspective. It is out of your control, but how you respond to it, how you think about it is the ultimate factor in your perspective.
Really quick, let's take our first break with Kim from Sparkle and Shine. Be right back.
And we are back.
So in this situation, yes, it's just an index finger, but you know, it's still like a damper on the joyous occasion that this is. This is my final baby and I feel so blessed to be having another baby.
And I initially was like, man, this is really putting a damper on the excitement of the final weeks, you know, the final preparations.
I can't finish doing the final things because I can't pick up big boxes and I can't move certain things, but I can choose my response to this. I can choose my thoughts and feelings and emotions. I can choose my action or lack thereof. And I can choose to see this as a perspective of enjoyment or pain and misery and suffering.
All along the way, we're granted perspective as long as our eyes are wide open enough to listen, see, learn, and accept. We have to have our eyes wide open to what is going on. Perspective is truly a beautiful thing. We often take it for granted and we just float through life. And being a real mom and being in this world, you know, with the intentional transformation, maybe being in The Real Mom's Tribe, we want to look at things differently.
We want to live at a different standard. We want to be more patient with our children. We want to have a more positive outlook because we are raising that next generation. We are deciding who they are going to become.
My husband is a very important role in my daughters' lives, but I am still the majority caretaker, so they're going to learn from me.
My son will learn from me.
And taking my perspective and cultivating their relationships with themselves is huge. I can either make them bitter people or I can make them good, optimistic people, but I have to have a different perspective in my life first, it starts with me.
Have you reflected upon your life today?
Have you practiced grace and gratitude?
Have you prayed for a calm heart and strength to ensure your trials? You can survive your trials. You are strong enough.
You are equipped. It doesn't mean you won't break down and cry. It doesn't mean you won't feel lost and hopeless on your journey.
And life isn't meant to be easy. It's meant to be meaningful. And that meaning comes with trials, struggles, and pain. I'm going to repeat that.
Life isn't meant to be easy. It's meant to be meaningful, and that comes with trials, struggles and pain.
That's how you really know a life is worth living.
Stop short changing yourself. Stop living that impatient life. Stop feeling like you have to control every single thing. There is always going to be something out of your control.
You can control how you respond to situations, your daily emotions, and how your overall life is going.
If you are in a bad situation, you know, that you have the control to get out of, do something, act your way out of it. I'm not saying just lean in and say, oh, just accept what is, what is.
In my situation, it's like, well, I can't fix my finger, so I'm going to make the best of it. And then when I get him here safely, then I can decide what to do.
I still have options. We all have options in our life.
I could have said, ah, just put me under the general anesthesia. To me, when they said, I do not recommend it, I said, I'm not going to do that then, that was not the right course for myself. That was my perspective and my perception of the situation.
If you are caught in this whirlwind of this wheel of chaos, it is up to you to get out of it.
Or if it's totally out of your control, how can you accept it and move through it? We are the captains of our ship. We really are. We are the leaders of our household. You cannot build a beautiful life on a faulty foundation, and the perspective of your foundation is huge.
I want to close today by talking about some mental and physical preparation that can help you best adjust your perspective. We want to set that beautiful foundation and when we're doing the right things in our daily life, when we're hit with struggles, when we're hit with trials, we are best able to adjust our perspective to them.
We're best able to face it with eyes wide open and say, okay, I can do this.
I am not naturally an optimistic person. I think a lot of people think that because of my book and the way I'm always speaking and I'm always trying to look at the glass half full, I've had to train myself to do that over years and years.
It takes a lot of time, and it hasn't been easy, but you know what? I am proud of the person I am today because of the energy I've put into myself over the years to be able to handle difficulties. I was able to handle my first miscarriage with more grace and perspective and understanding, I am able to handle different trials in my life because I have worked, I've built that foundation, that positive foundation.
It doesn't mean everything's perfect. And sometimes I'm like, are you kidding me? Like on Friday, I was like, seriously, I'm wasting a whole day here at the hospital. And yeah, it's not always sunshine and roses. It's not going to be like, oh, this is so great, I love this. You know, you have to be realistic too. But coming out of it and really reflecting back, I always recommend you reflect back on any situation in your life and say, okay, how can I spin this? How can I see it as a learning opportunity?
And the learning opportunity for me was, Hey, I gotta let some things go and I need to let this be a reminder to me that I have to slow down sometimes, you know, maybe I shouldn't trot through the rain at 33 weeks pregnant. My husband was like, what are you doing?
I'm like, what do you mean? How many of us kind of trot through the rain to get back inside faster? Like, it's not something you'll really think about and you don't think you're going to fall. But I mean, I've talked to so many of you ladies, apparently falling is very common in pregnancy.
I would find out in my final pregnancy, I've never fallen another pregnancy, but.
I want to give you five tips today for mental and physical preparation so that you can best adjust your perspective. There will always be hurdles in life. There will always be struggles, and if you can build that good foundation, that's where you are going to succeed through them.
You will survive, you will not break down completely, right? And this is a taboo thing in our society. We are told you never be sad, never be sad, never be unhappy, never worry. Those are all normal emotions. You cannot have utter blissful happiness. Without turmoil and pain and sometimes suffering, like really. If you want to feel both spectrums, you have to feel both spectrums.
And if you want to feel genuine happiness, you sometimes have to feel sadness. And so what we want to do is we want to mitigate the amount of pain that we feel long term, right.
And so doing these five things, this is what's helped me over the past couple of weeks, kind of survive and advance and help me adjust my perspective and just feel in control of what I could control because it doesn't matter what is going on elsewhere.
It's like what can I control and what can I do to feel calm and at peace?
So tip number one, I want you to maintain the high traffic spaces in your home and life. I know you're like, seriously, you're talking about mindset and then you go back to the home. You guys know I'm always going to talk about the home because your home needs to be your haven.
I am proud to say that even though I literally have not had use of one hand, my home has still stayed tidy, and that's because our systems are so good.
My husband is a great support system. He picked up a lot around here. My girls just make sure that things get put back.
And I was leaning into my body and saying, okay, what can I do? What can I physically get done? And there were certain things I could get done. It didn't always look the way I had hoped it would look right, because I would kind of fold the bed over. I couldn't, I can't tuck it right now. I can't lift up the bed and make it all nice and pretty, like I normally like it, but I still made it to a degree that I felt comfortable with it.
So tip number one is maintain the high traffic spaces. I don't care what else you get done. If you make your bed, your life will feel more orderly. And like I just said, my bed didn't look pristine like I like it. I always, you know, make it all crisp and folded and beautiful, but I still made it to where it was presentable to me and sometimes we have to scale back a little bit and that's okay.
I also recommend making sure your kitchen counters and sink are clear at the close of every single day. This is going to help you feel more in control and more calm. We still maintained that. One day the home was a little bit messy because Matt and I had been at the hospital all day.
So we came home and we both kind of just tidied up the house and I felt so much more at ease. I made sure I didn't burn myself out and actually physically hurt myself because I'm really listening to my body right now. I want to make sure this finger heals as best as I can. I want to do everything right because if I can avoid surgery altogether, of course that's the route I'm going to go.
But I want to still maintain my life. I'm not going to let everything go. And you guys know nearing the end of pregnancy, you're nesting bad. And guess what? Just with a broken finger, that does not go away. So I'm like, okay, what do I need to get done in order to feel prepared?
What does my house need to look like? How does it need to feel? But by maintaining those high traffic spaces, your bed, your kitchen counters, and your sink, you're going to instantly feel more in control and more at peace. So then when you know what does hit the fan, you are more ready and able to conquer it and survive it.
Your home can be your haven or it can be your greatest source of chaos.
Tip number two, build in rest. When I'm struggling or ill, I actually like to mentally shut down. It's a horrible habit that I have. I live at a very high capacity and it creates a really bad system overload for me. So when I'm physically derailed, I like hermit away.
And one way to stop this derailment is to actually build in some rest time. So over the course of the last couple weeks, you know, my team has been reaching out. How can I support you? What can I do for you? And my normal response would be hermit away. I'm just going to ignore the world, pretend like it doesn't exist.
But that's not healthy, that's not productive. So one way to halt that derailment, is I was building in actual rest time. So I set the tone and I set the expectation of, hey, the afternoon gets really hard for me. It normally gets hard even without being, you know, in active labor and having a broken finger, just cuz that's my chronotype. I get tired in the afternoon.
But I made sure I built in more rest time, said no to the things that I could not do, and was okay with my schedule looking like that.
You'll actually see on my schedule I actually place in nap or rest time. It's crucial. If you don't schedule that with yourself, you are not going to actually do it.
And this is a great time for your kids to relax with you, to read a book, whatever rest time looks like for you, you don't have to be sleeping. I choose sleeping, but you could literally be laying on your bed with your kids enjoying some crucial time that you guys need. And I know in these final weeks, like I want that crucial time with my two children before I add a third. And so having relaxation time, having rest time, slowing everything down, you set the tone.
If you're go, go, go, go, go, and then you know what hits the fan, how do you think you're going to feel, you're gonna feel derailed. So you have to build in rest consistently. Even if you're just starting out, you're like, okay, if I build it in a couple days a week, that's better than nothing.
Really quick, before the last three, let's take our final break with Stephanie from Mom Strong. Be right back.
And we are back.
So tip number three, pray.
I want you to let go of what is out of your control and give it over to God. And trust me, it'll help keep some panic attacks away actually knowing you aren't in control and someone else is. I started my spiritual journey, I mean, I've always believed in God, but I really started my spiritual journey over the last year and I really started connecting intimately with God and reading the Bible and getting to know God as an individual and who I could be through Him. And it gave me so much peace because it made me realize I don't have to control everything.
It's not all on me.
When it's something out of my control, I can pray and just let it fade away. Now, it doesn't always mean that every situation is all of a sudden going to be fine. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying let go so that you can adjust your perspective in order to survive the trials, because maybe this situation won't be okay, maybe it's going to be a very bad outcome. You never know. We never know.
Nothing is guaranteed. But when you pray and let go of what is out of your control, you're going to feel more comforted and calm by the outcome. And that's what we want. We want to adjust our perspective so that we can survive that outcome if it is not so good.
And I'm telling you guys, if you are an overthinker, if you're an over analyzer, if you're anxious, letting something go over to someone else, even if it's a higher power, it is such a relief. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm wound up tighter than a spring all the time. I live at like category five meltdown all the time.
And this whole situation with falling and just everything I've gone through, it's put so much perspective shift in place to where it's like I gotta roll with the punches. And everything's going to be just fine. And I haven't had a category five meltdown. Maybe a couple of cries in the shower, cuz I'm like, I'm just, why is this happening?
But then I pick myself back up and I'm like, okay, it's all right. I'm going to let it go. I'm going to pray and let go.
Tip number four, break some rules. Okay, you guys know I like rules. I like rules a lot, and I'm a firm believer in laundry days. Any of you that have spoken to me personally, I'm like, what are your laundry days?
And I know each and every single one of you hate it. I hate doing laundry every day. I think it is a waste of time. I think it's a waste of your resources and it is a waste of your mental and physical energy. However, with a very important finger broken, I move a lot slower and it hurts to fold way more, so I've started breaking up my laundry and doing less and spreading it out, and so every day, every couple of days, I'm doing a small load of laundry versus two full laundry days.
Breaking the rules when necessary will keep you from feeling like it's all or nothing. Because I could easily be like, well, I can't do laundry, so I'm just not going to do it.
But you know, laundry has to be done and you know, my husband is helping me the best he can. My girls are helping me the best they can. But I mean, I still do the majority of the things around here because I'm just more efficient with it and I just have a way of doing it. And you being a mom and a leader of your house, you know what I'm talking about.
It's not like, oh, I'll just have someone else do it because when you're in the flow, it's really hard for people to pick up where you leave off. So break some rules sometimes. I'm okay during this time while I heal taking less loads of laundry each day. And just spreading it out. There's nothing wrong with that.
When you have rules, you can break them sometimes when you're listening to your body and you should listen to your body and your mental health, that needs to be a priority because if you push yourself beyond reason, what are you going to do? You're going to do like a couple episodes ago and burn out. So break some rules when it makes sense and you don't want to live an all or nothing life.
You don't want it to be perfect or a complete failure. That's not what you are looking for. Okay, so break some rules.
And then tip number five, this is my end all, be all. You need to be doing this all the time, every single day. You need to wake and prep.
So even in this time where I know I'm not doing a lot, every single day I wake up and I look at my schedule and ask myself, what can I achieve today?
A lot of us like to on Sunday plan out your whole week. The problem is if you're in a state of rebound, if you're in a state of reset or healing, some days aren't going to be as good as other days.
You're going to wake up and say, today is not a good day. And other days you're going to wake up and say, today's a great day, I can handle more. So it's important to each morning when you wake, then you prep because you're saying, what can I achieve today? What can my body realistically do today? This helps me listen to my body versus just listening to a to-do list, cuz guess what? If I did my normal power of six, I probably would be flat on my back and feel very, very terrible right now because I'm even having a hard time walking, his little head is right in my pelvis and on top of the contractions and just knowing I can do less, it takes a emotional toll on you, you're tired.
And so each day I wake up and I'm like, okay, what do I need to achieve today and what do I hope to achieve today? Your schedule is fluid, remember that. You don't have to be on your A game every single day.
And so when you wake and prep, you're able to best listen to your body to say, this is what I'm going to achieve, this is what I realistically can achieve, and this is what I'm going to get done.
So let's review. Tip number one, maintain those high traffic spaces. Tip number two, build in rest. Tip number three, pray. Tip number four, break some rules. And tip number five, wake and prep.
I want you to start by incorporating one or two or even all five into your life, you're going to notice a shift because then once you know what hits the fan, you are in a better position to make logical changes, objective decisions so that you can be the most confident going forward.
And you want to be confident in decisions you make when you take in information and say, okay, what is the best course of action?
I am a very action oriented person, and when I was presented with problems over the last couple weeks, I'm like, okay, what makes the most sense? What is going to be the best route for myself, for my family, for my health, you know, for my new baby? What makes the most sense? Okay, I'm being presented with this obstacle now.
How can I logically move forward? And that's because I wasn't thinking about what's going on at home and worrying about my home. I wasn't worried about what's the outcome going to be because I pray and let it go. I wasn't even worried about what the day would entail because I'm like, okay, I've already cleared my schedule, I've built in my rest time. I'm making sure that I'm not packing myself too much, and that is how you're going to survive the struggles. Surviving and advancing. And that's a huge thing, ladies. You don't want to back yourself into a corner and feel like you are just trying to survive.
We want to go from surviving to thriving. And so you've gotta build that beautiful foundation. You have to work on your intentional transformation. And these five mental and physical preparations are going to help you adjust your perspective in life to have your eyes wide open. That's what I want for each and every single one of you.
All right. Well, that's all I have to say today. I will get off my soapbox now.
Until next time, I'm your host Lisa Autry, and this is The Real Mom's Playbook. Thank you for joining me for The Real Mom's Playbook, which has been made possible by our amazing sponsors.
Make sure you check the show notes for links and access to the amazing resources. You can find me at thedaughterdiary.com and on Instagram at The Daughter Diaries. See you next time. I'm Lisa Autry.