Hi , I'm Serena Loh . If you're used to hearing that introverts are shy , anxious , antisocial and lack good communication and leadership skills , then this podcast is for you . You're about to fall in love with the calm , introspective and profound person that you are .
Discover what's fun , unique and powerful about being an introvert , and how to make the elegant transition from quiet achiever to quiet warrior in your life and work anytime you want , in more ways than you imagined possible . Welcome . Welcome to another episode of the Quiet Warrior podcast . Today's episode is a little bit different because I'm not interviewing anyone .
I'm reflecting , and this is not so much to do with introverts and highly sensitive people , but more to do with that aspect of the Quiet Warriors journey , when you start to lose control over parts of your life that you always took for granted you would have . So let me give you some context .
This morning I drove my child to school for a VCE exam , and this is a road that we have taken many , many times . I know it by heart . I don't need the Google Maps or the GPS , but as I was driving along this familiar road , it suddenly became unfamiliar to me .
It was like something was clouding my brain and I couldn't tell where I was and what I was doing there . So , as you can imagine , when you are in that kind of a situation and you have to deliver somebody somewhere , you have to be somewhere at a certain time . That is very alarming . There was no time to stop and recalibrate .
I simply asked my child is this the route we usually take ? And she had no idea . It turned out it was the right road after all . A few seconds later , I was able to recalibrate myself and reassure myself that I was indeed on the right road .
But that tiny episode shook me and though I was able to get to school safely , I had another episode on the way back . It's a 45-minute journey each way , with a lot of it being on the highway very straight road , nothing to look at , no markers , not much of a landscape .
I know there is a phrase for it , called highway hypnosis , and this is perhaps a little bit like that , but a lot worse .
It's like there is a gap in your brain where you should be able to be fully alert , able to think clearly , able to feel a momentary panic , for instance when another car comes too close , or react to road conditions , and that capacity was just not there . I was driving like a zombie .
Not that I know what that feels like , but it certainly felt like only half my brain was present . And I have to say I don't like this feeling . I don't like this loss of control over my brain and over my ability to be a reliable driver .
It affects my identity in a very deep way and my identity being someone that others can rely on , that my children can count on if they need a ride somewhere and for me to get safely around . It makes me think how heavily have I been using my brain all these decades that it is now protesting .
I'm currently reading this book called when the Body Says no the Cost of Hidden Stress , by Dr Gabor Mate , and it has been very illuminating , also very humbling , to read stories of people whose bodies just gave up , refused to cooperate , set off the alarm system in a very frightening way life and death situations , total loss of capacity in some cases .
And what is the body trying to tell us ? It is trying to tell us that it wants our attention . It is time for us to pay attention to the red flags it has been giving us over the years and a lot of time . We ignore these red flags until something serious happens , but on a day-to-day basis we may say I can handle this , this is not a big thing .
Let me just finish this piece of work . Let me just wait till my children grow up and finish school . Let me wait till I retire . Let me wait till a better time when I don't have so much stress .
And what I'm learning from this book is that chronic stress , stress that is beyond the body's capacity to cope and beyond the brain's capacity to cope this is at the root of many diseases . It's very much about how we perceive our environment , how we interact with it , how we interact with our family of origin , the experiences we had growing up .
And this is not necessarily about trauma with a big T , about specific incidents that have happened to us . It's also about all the small T traumas that even well-intentioned parents can perpetuate . And I find it in a sense reassuring as a parent to know that I too can make those mistakes , that none of us is perfect .
As parents , we never know how exactly to work with the children that we are given . We never know how exactly to work with the children that we are given . Every one of them is different .
I have two , and they are both so different in their personality , in the way they interact , the way they think , the way they make decisions , the way they reason , and it's been an ongoing journey for me to understand them , to understand myself and to see where I am projecting from when I make a comment , when I lash out , when I lose my temper , when I'm at
my most patient , when I'm able to listen calmly . Where is all that coming from ? And so I'm busy joining the dots between who I am now and what I experienced as a child .
It helps me , looking backwards , to be aware of what has got me here and why I am the way I am , and what changes I might need to make if I want a different kind of relationship with my children and if I want my children to grow up to be a different kind of human being .
And so , in this season of transition , with both children now having finished high school and also with my health challenges , it's an opportunity for me to ask myself some deeper questions what am I meant to be doing , the thing that I thought I was meant to be doing ? Am I still doing it ? Do I still want to do it ? Is it still the right path for me ?
And if it is not , what is ?
And it's being able to sit with all this uncertainty , in the midst of all the chaos that's swirling around in the external environment , in my own inner thoughts , in other people's judgment or expectations , trying to find that peaceful place where I can think calmly , where my emotions are regulated , where my mind is clear , where my heart is at peace when my heart
is at peace . That is what I'm currently working on . So if this is you also feeling that life is too chaotic for your comfort , things are changing too fast . You can't keep up , you don't understand what is going on .
You wish someone could just sit you down or take you by the hand and give you permission to rest , to catch your breath , and give you permission to rest , to catch your breath , to rethink things , to change your mind , then I give you permission to do that today for yourself .
We never have all the answers all the time , but sometimes we do get glimpses of what is the right thing to do next .
Our intuition tells us , our bodies tell us , and it is perhaps a misfortune of modern civilization that we are so wrapped up , rushing around , doing things running , trying to juggle multiple responsibilities , trying to meet multiple expectations , setting ourselves too high a bar , expecting too much from ourselves and from others , that we have forgotten and we have
disconnected from ourselves . We have forgotten that we are just one entity mind , body , spirit .
All of these have to work together , and so , perhaps in my case , I have overtaxed my brain for many years and relied too much on it , to the exclusion of my other parts , and it is now time for me to do some work to bring back some balance , to bring back the re-energizing , the replenishing , the nourishing and the nurturing of those parts that have been
neglected , to perhaps rely less on my brain and more on my intuition and on my heart , to allow those complex and difficult emotions to rise up , so that I can sit with them , make friends with them , acknowledge them and allow them to teach me . So this is , in its own way , an exciting new season for me , way an exciting new season for me .
I have been overly focused on the cerebral and the intellectual , and I've just perhaps received a reminder from my body to also pay attention to my other parts , and so I hope for you , too , that you will take time for yourself to know yourself better , to understand what makes you alive , what makes your heart sing , and I want to read a little passage here
from when the Body Says no , where Dr Gabor Mate writes this about Tuesdays with Morrie , the book that Mitch Albom wrote , and he says here Morrie learned at a young age that his value depended on his ability to serve the needs of others .
That same message , taken to heart by many people early in life , is heavily reinforced by the prevailing ethic in our society . All too frequently , people are given the sense that they are valued only for their utilitarian contribution and are expendable if they lose their economic worth .
I think the same thing goes for us too , that in whatever season of life we're at , and especially as we are getting older and our sense of our economic worth starts to shift , it is important to stay grounded and to recognize that we are so much more than what others measure us by . We need our own way of valuing ourselves and recognizing our own worth .
So I want to leave you with this affirmation I am valued , accepted and loved . As I am , it is safe to be me . I'm valued , accepted and loved . As I am , it is safe to be me . See you on the next episode . I'm so grateful that you're here today .
If you found this content valuable , please share it on your social media channels and subscribe to the show on your favorite listening platform . Together , we can help more introverts thrive . To receive more uplifting content like this . Connect with me on Instagram at Serena Lo Quiet Warrior Coach . Thank you for sharing your time and your energy with me .
See you on the next episode .